Amanda Palmer - A Mother's Confession (Official Audio)

[@taliaclairerobertson4455]

I've written this in a few different places, because I don't know if Amanda has seen it yet, so here we go again: when I first heard this song, I burst out laughing at a very inappropriate moment - because I was that baby. One of my first memories is of being locked in a hot car in the summer by mistake. I was three years old and I was sulking, so when everyone went inside, I hung back - but the child lock activated when my brother closed the door behind him. My parents assumed I had wandered off to play somewhere, which I did a lot, so when they noticed I was missing they looked all over the house, but they didn't think to check the car until I'd already been in there for nearly an hour. By that time I was hyperthermic, dehydrated, terrified, sobbing and crawling all over the car trying to get one of the doors open. I remember crying when my mother carried me into the house and telling her I was sorry that I'd wet my pants. That night I had a seizure in my sleep. My parents were, and still are, horrified about what happened. They felt, and still feel, terrible for not noticing that I wasn't with them, for taking so long to find me, for not teaching me how to unlock the doors in an emergency - but honestly, I don't blame them for any of it. It's an awful memory, and I wish it hadn't happened, but it was an accident. Just an accident. And at least the baby didn't die. Amanda, I hope you read this, because I know you've had a lot of parents tell you how much they relate to this song and how cathartic it is to hear someone else's confessions. Not being a parent, I have no idea what it feels like; but as the baby who didn't die, I want you to know that it's okay. It really is okay.

[@josabersabe1257]

This level of understanding despite not having been a parent yourself, makes it certain that you will be a wonderful one in your own time. If you will. ❤

[@WillowTitov]

@Mark Jericho that's very rude and inappropriate to say here

[@siouxmckenna565]

There's such a taboo against admitting how tough motherhood is. AFP cares not a jot and goes one further and expresses the may-not-be-voiced constant worry that your baby might die. This song is stark and wonderfully comforting.

[@SartorialDragon]

Parenting is hard. It's exasperating how nobody expects that you can do open-heart surgery without first studying medicine for many years, but are supposed to be perfect at parenting just by having a baby! Parenting is a skill, and if you haven't studied pedagogics (and even if you have!) there's a LOT of trial and error. And not just from 9 to 5, but mostly at night when you're sleep deprived and have no idea how to deal with the situation.

[@jeffakajp]

Realistically beautiful. It is not lost on me that you released this on International Women's Day❤️

[@teragomez7405]

This song captures how I feel as parent every day. My youngest just turned 7 and my oldest will be 17 in April, and I have never heard music that brings the rawness of mother into the light like this. Thank you for sharing and helping all us struggling parents not feel so alone in our mistakes.

[@duckduckmoose9487]

I hope your doing well, and I hope your 22 year old and your 12 year old are doing well ❤

[@tantan6609]

" At leeeasst the baby didn't die~" ♪

[@euterpe7787]

I love that Amanda is so open and honest. We’ve all had these moments that we are so sure we are terrible humans and pray no one else ever finds out. If only there were more Amanda Palmers in this world. Remember to practice radical compassion!

[@CharlyHamlynCeramics]

Yes every day x

[@jackrynda9518]

I have been listening to your music since I was 14 or 15 years old. I am 31 now. I have only listened to this song for the first time now. I think it's because I save the first listen of some that I know will hit hard for when I really need to have a cry. I am now sobbing while attempting to draw on my art tablet. Thank you for sharing, Amanda. Your music means a whole lot to a whole lot.

[@anotherview7937]

A work of pure genius. Amanda Palmer might inadvertently save the world by flinging songs like this around. Or at least make you feel a little better and part of it all.

[@EnglishHackerCz]

I really didn't expect I'd be crying so much in the end. Thank you.

[@emmaflack2410]

This song gave me such comfort. The trouble I had with pnd when my son was born. I cut everyone off because they were offering me help. Even my husband because if I took his help, id have to admit that I had a problem and needed help. This was in 2014 and now my beautiful boy, has additional needs and sometimes when I wonder if I should have had a baby and feel like I'm useless and can't help him, I play this song! I'm not alone. In 2018 when my daughter was born I was so much better and I heard this song for the first time then and it gave me joy! A camaraderie. Thank you Amanda. You don't know how many times you've kept me on the right path. You have directly affected the lives of me and my children, on the other side of the world, someone you've never met..isn't that magical?!

[@ShawnaMarcum]

This song of catharsis is deeply impacting me right now. I've been a mom for 12 years and I personally connected with every vignette you wrote about. My second daughter was very fussy. I mean, very very sad most of the time between six months and her first birthday. One day, when she was about eight months old, my husband came home from work and the baby had been screaming with me trying various things to calm her for over an hour. So, I went for a walk. And he took over. It wasn't a long walk, maybe around four or five square blocks. About two blocks away from our house, as I was coming back, feeling a little better, but still rattled, I heard her crying still. From two blocks away. And I walked those two blocks just weeping. We're all just trying to do the best we can so that they can even grow up. She's seven, and so much better. But we had some intense stuff happen over the years. These moments, these low points, they aren't for forever. And the fog lifts at some point. And we have these "at least"s listed in our minds that help us get through. It's so important to acknowledge that these low points happen. Because sometimes, it hard to pull out of those moments. And if we know that others have experienced them and everyone lived, it may give us hope that we can come through it, too. Thank you, Amanda Palmer. Thank you for your gifts. Thank you for your heart. Thank you for your stories. Thank you for your honesty, and for your spirit, and your truth.

[@josabersabe1257]

Twelve years! ❤ You are one amazing mama! I wish I could keep up with mine, and retaining my composure intact.

[@glitterfaerie08]

I love you. I have 3 girls. 11,2 and 1...I'm on my own with them. Have been since my pregnancy with my 2nd girl. The amount of times I've sat outside in my garden and sobbed wondering how the fuck Im gonna survive another day. They are coming up 2 and 3 my 2 youngest.. I have no idea how I've survived this long breastfeeding all my girls but I have..Its caring to share xX

[@glitterfaerie08]

Atleast the baby didn't die....Fml Anxiety told me I wasn't enough but I know Iam xX

[@dan_geon_overseer]

In the part of the woman in the bar i started to cry, i mean, fuck, that small gesture of carrying the baby to say hi, fuck, if only people were more generous, and caring, and accepting... fuck, i can't even say how much Amanda's songs are amazing. she's amazing. thou... i mean.... we can all be too...

[@kagghu]

Sitting here, an over 50 male, cynical old fart, listening to this song and crying. Thanks.

[@nickn4402]

Thank you Amanda for all your art and heart. I cried towards the end, Thinking of my nephew who passed at age 3. Just visited him yesterday, and more family and friends in the cemetery. I think that life goes on and I've made peace with death. And then I stand there in front of him and it's heartbreaking.

[@cindialexander9633]

I love mum confession sessions with my friends. Makes me feel human again!

[@jessalove3344]

As a Mum of toddler this made me laugh and cry.

[@josabersabe1257]

Two children below 4 here. Same, same. These are wonderful, yet challenging years. Cheers! ❤

[@RayneAsylumFreak]

I am now bawling. This is beautiful. Thank you so much for your art.

[@Braendis666]

I cried when I first heard this live in Vienna. It's so honest and lovely. Thank you

[@vanillerygarden]

Patrick Brandstätter Hey fellow Viennese! Seeya in September?

[@Braendis666]

sure ;) @@vanillerygarden

[@jeravincer]

This song is epic ... sending to my wife and mother of my children with haste.

[@michealbouma6558]

Simple facts about a simple life, yet so accurate about life. Great song, coming from a husband/father of 3 amazing daughters. (Who are still alive) (Thant God!)

[@voyagervimedia3174]

Mine did. 22 years ago now. And I wonder what kind of parent I would have been. And now I'm crying.

[@SartorialDragon]

Non-parent, but kindergarten teacher here. I have mad respect for parents because while i can and will manage taking care of 18 kids at the same time, i have 6-7 hrs shifts, and then i go home and relax and am fresh for my next shift. Parents have only one or a few kids, but y'all are taking care of them when you haven't had more than 3 hrs of continuous sleep any night of the week, when you or the kids are sick, when you're dealing with other issues in your life, and you don't get a break (unless you are parenting 50:50 with someone and/or have a really good support system!). Plus.... i have studied childhood development for 4 years before i was let loose on kids. Parents usually have 9 months to get ready, without a manual. You can't know everything, and no - parenting is not a magical skill you are given when you become a parent! Like any other skill, you need to keep training it! Sometimes parents say stuff like “you're not a parent, you don't know how this works“, and while i may not be familiar with some of the nuances (and nuissances) of parenting, it's not really helpful to claim that parenting is instinctual magic. No. You can be a good parent even when you struggle to get things right, and the other parents don't possess a magic you don't have. Everyone gets insecure and everyone makes mistakes. But at least, the baby didn't die - so you get another chance to learn and get better at it.

[@tempestholmes]

A song for all those dark moments motherhood brings that almost no one admits happen to us all.

[@FaylunaRaRa]

I've definitely never had a kid, but I totally feel like having one would probably for most people lead to a couple years of experiences like this song mentions... Every few months just being like "Wow... This was a bad decision that could've gone horribly wrong... BUT it didn't so we're good..."

[@gpeddino]

My favorite song from the album. Incredibly powerful and raw.

[@vcheekv]

This song often pops into my head on those really hard days... and I'm like well this sucks.. at least the baby didn't die 💕👑

[@simonanardi4312]

It makes me cry to see how many people you manage to touch... I can't find the fitting words right now... I feel with you for the bride dress. Lots of Love!

[@CancerFaery]

My baby z is 11 weeks old today. This song is amazing. We listened to it together all day in the car today. Thank you for all that you do. I appreciate you.

[@ladysybylgrey]

I love this song. There are moments that make me smile, because I've been there. And there are moments that make me choke up, because I feel them even now, and my trans son will be 15 a week from Saturday. And there are moments that I just deeply wish I could hug you.

[@moofy7624]

This has become my matra even though Im childless.... it kinda puts everything it perspective.

[@adrianibelles7373]

Lyrics Our son is four months old, his name is Anthony or Ash for short And he's too small to do things by himself We were in L.A. over Christmas in a rental and we jury-rigged A place to change his diapers on a shelf I was peeing in the bathroom and had left for just a second 'Cause I thought he couldn't move and he was safe As I came out I saw him falling in slow motion to the floor It was probably the worst moment of my life And then I accidentally stole a thing of ChapStick from the Safeway I didn't see it 'til we got out to the car I would have usually returned it but I was overwhelmed and late To take the baby to my cousin's up in Carmel Bay In my defense, I'd bought like $87 worth of groceries And the ChapStick was a $1.99 I know it wasn't the right thing to use My newborn child as an excuse But it felt like a good reason at the time And as I pulled out of the parking lot I cried And as I pulled onto the highway I said, "Right? At least the baby didn't die At least the baby didn't die" And then we went to Sarasota To see Neil's cousin Helen For her birthday she just turned ninety-nine We were also there for Sidney Who was ninety-four two days before But he was sick, so mostly it was Ash and Helen time She survived the Warsaw ghetto And she always says "I love you" When she sees you 'cause she knows you never know She'd worked for months while I was pregnant On a gorgeous handmade blanket Her almost-hundred-year-old hands crocheting every row I'd been emailing her pictures of the baby and the blanket Every day since she had sent it in the mail But they were of one that someone else had knitted She was really nice about it Then I went and shoplifted a pair of ugly sunglasses From Goodwill, they were on my head I'd tried them on and left them there But that's not really bad compared to When we left the baby in the car At least he wasn't in there very long And not directly in the sun And thank God no-one walking by happened to notice what we'd done I'm even scared to put these lyrics in a song But everything is relative and everyone's related I can't do that much right now But take care of this baby I figure everything's technically all right If at least this baby doesn't die And then I took a plane to Washington alone So we could visit Jason Webley who's his godfather And plays a mean accordion I couldn't wait to see him and share tales of our disasters Over dinners in his houseboat when I saw I'd lost my passport So I got a rush appointment at the place where you replace them And I drove the baby in and on the way I got a speeding ticket When the cop came to the window I was shaking and I said "I'm sorry" But you couldn't hear me that's how loud the sound of screaming was 'Cause he was hungry and I think that I was speeding 'Cause I panic when I hear him cry My God, what kind of a mother am I? And as I pulled out of the breakdown lane I cried And as I pulled out on the highway I said "Right? At least the baby didn't die At least the baby didn't die" While I was waiting for my passport I was hungry so I twittered for a coffee in the neighborhood And there I saw a woman who was sitting at the bar And it was noon and she was drinking And she called across the diner to me, "How old is your baby?" And she smiled at us nursing And she said she had a daughter who was grown And then she paused And said she also had a son And when I'd paid and was about to leave I picked him up and crossed the room and touched her sleeve I said, "Hey, this baby wanted to say hi" And she held him tight and she started to cry And I'm sorry that this story's gotten long And that everybody's crying in this song And then I got back in the car and turned the radio and heater on And sat there with the baby in the back And they were talking about Syria and climate change and ISIS And the candidates' positions on Iraq I feel so useless in this universe I know I could be doing worse I'm trying hard to stay at peace inside I know it's hard to be a parent But this mess is so gigantic I wonder if I should have had a child And as I pulled out of the parking lot I cried And as I pulled out on the highway I said, "Right? At least the baby didn't die, right?" At least the baby didn't die At least the baby didn't die At least the baby didn't die I may not make it to the passport place on time And they might revoke my license for a while And I might get caught for retroactive theft And I might get turned into the DSS But at least the baby didn't die

[@shiteyanyo1111]

I've listened to this song on repeat since the demo was released, and I still can't stop crying

[@xhawkeye23x]

Got me crying at work again!

[@RazorbladeGirly]

There are certain truths in this world. The sky is blue. Fish swim. And any person judging Amanda for the contents of this song has never raised a baby.

[@DanielCaridade]

Oh, the humanity! Such beauty and honesty!! The best theme of the year!

[@jrdeborja0000]

JC i can't even...i wont mind if this whole album became a Play...

[@juliacutelli7485]

I've listened to this over and over.

[@RoseQtea]

This will always be one of my favourites

[@shiteyanyo1111]

YES this was one of my favorites

[@josmeeusen1136]

Such a masterpiece!

[@discoron77]

Been singing the chorus all week!

[@dragoninthemoon7719]

Thank you, Amanda.

[@miss.caffeine]

Oh my god, thank you again

[@drinkzcoffee5183]

Perfection. As always. ❤

[@ericveneto1593]

I'm NOT a dad, but I found this hilariously relatable!

[@CarolSteinfeld]

Same happened to me when I was babysitting decades ago.... I sometimes want to look up the family to be sure the boy didn't grow up with brain damage.

[@spiritthecat]

Love it!

[@laraplowright1735]

Wow ❤️🙏

[@homeroblade]

I came here after the video whit its black friday beautifull music !!

[@tayloradair2011]

I needed this.

[@00snakeman00]

Anyone else hear the distortion at 7:17 when she says "to me"? I never noticed until I had headphones in. I wonder if this is what she meant by the "mixing issues" she mentioned

[@AvrilleduPlessis]

Magnificient

[@Mothermetalhead]

I love this so very much

[@seanknight5244]

its a freaking classic.

[@matheuscavalcanti7191]

Obrigado por tudo Amanda, você é simplesmente incrível

[@Warum679]

it lit . fabulous

[@TheActualCathal]

Sang this with you from the audience in the Cork Opera House.

[@chrisfreeman4687]

who's kid hasnt rolled of a changing table. mine was because i forgot we were out of diapers and the new ones were in the front room.

[@vcheekv]

😢💖

[@a7i20ci7y]

Great song, I would share it with my wife except our second and third were miscarriages. I don't know how it would make her feel.

[@trinityjackson6580]

a7i20ci7y When Tim Farris interviewed Amanda Palmer (recently), she talked about her miscarriage. She was alone, at Christmas, in a hotel room, after she had her son Ash. It was really powerful for me. Maybe you could give it a listen, and see if you think it might be worth sharing with your wife. I’m sorry for your wife’s loss, and I’m sorry for yours. Here’s a gentle reminder that dad’s can grieve too. Take care of each other. Best wishes. ♥️

[@lukevanaardt8675]

Amanda, just a question - it's pretty inevitable that Ash will listen to this one day; how do you think he'll receive it?

[@Rose-jz6sx]

I can't imagine he'll mind? These are the kinds of things you tell you kid as funny anecdotes.

[@tearuth5820]

I love u for being u.

[@Zurtle1]

Ɪ almost stopped listening because I’m grossed out about pee but I’m glad Ɪ didn’t.

[@modernmoonlight7350]

Questions unanwsered: What the hell is DSS?

[@quasimeowdo]

Department of Social Services or something similar. Maybe she means CPS?

[@bodicerippers7331]

@@quasimeowdo I'm not entirely sure if this is just a Massachusetts thing (?) But DSS (which I think got turned into the Department of Children and Families) was the place to call about domestic issues, or at least it was when I was a kid.

[@mayflowerlash11]

LOL. Every new parent does strange and bizarre things as they adjust to having to monitor and care for a new miniature human who is helpless. Take heart, you are smart and will adapt soon. Eventually you find that the rewards are greater than the downside, and this is the purpose of life, ie to have babies, so relax and enjoy the ride. New baby can scare the shit out of new parents because the parents care. What's wrong with that? Crying and laughing at the same time. Stop doing this to me Amanda.

[@MerlinErdogmus]

Not my kind of music. Not my preferred musical feeling. Started to cry never the less at the end... thaha

[@M.éloDie]

At least disco wasn't popular.

[@SuperMeToTheRescue]

I don’t understand how people are saying that this song is a work of genius. This song is musically horrible, and I’m horrified at the fact that she left her baby unattended on a shelf, in a car, and let a stranger who was DRINKING hold her child! Are you out of your motherfucking mind!? At least the baby didn’t die? At most, your baby might end up brain damaged, and if not, he’ll likely resent you for capitalizing on his suffering portrayed in this song. Please see a psychiatric medical professional ASAP.

[@luisaaraujo6433]

The lyrics are full of emotion, really poetic, and you may think it is musically horrible, everyone has different opinions, bu it just reflects how she's feeling (if it was upbeat or symmetrical, it wouldn't match the theme of the song at all). And, if you read the other comments, you'd see she isn't the only one that did irresponsible things to her child. Every single person I know has at leas one story like that to tell about their first time as a parent (or second time, like my mother, who almost accidentally drowned my little brother). That is the reality of motherhood, you never know everything about it and you will do crazy things out of instinct. That doesn't make her not-guilty of anything she might have done, but that also doesn't mean she needs a psichiatric or anything like that. Sorry for any spelling mistake, english isn't my first language. Have a good day!

[@homannin]

you take a chill pill

[@amber7064]

You sure are amazingly incapable of absorbing/knowing/or even reasoning out the meaning of anything, huh?

[@Rose-jz6sx]

You're clearly not a parent

[@AltairInAquila]

Of course you’re a man