An Interview With A Post-Abortive Father

In an honest and heartfelt interview, Greg Smalley, Vice President of Marriage at Focus on the Family, opens up about what it's like to be a post-abortive father. For healing resources call 1-800-AFAMILY.
#IAmProLife
---
Check out Focus on the Family's other social media channels!
Facebook: / focusonthefamily
Twitter: / focusfamily
Instagram: / focusonthefamily
Pinterest: / focusonthefamily
---
#FocusontheFamily

[@NB-ky5ol]

I am pregnant. My boyfriend told me to abort and that he wants nothing to do with it. I didn’t go through with it and that’s the last I spoke to him. He doesn’t know I’m keeping the baby. I am getting kicked out of where I live, I’ll have to find a new job, a place to live and tell my family that I messed up again. It’s hard but I just could not abort. I knew it would destroy me. Prayers are appreciated. Please pray for his heart to soften and accept this child.

[@focusonthefamily]

We're glad to stand with you in prayer, asking God to soften this man's heart and draw him closer to Himself according to His perfect will. May He bless this father and child, and work in their relationship in a loving way as you look to Him. As part of our ministry, we have a staff of counselors available to offer reassurance, answer questions, and pray with you. We’d like to invite you to call one of them at your convenience. Just call 800-232-6459 between 6:00 A.M. - 8:00 P.M. (MT), Mon - Fri. The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will arrange for a counselor to call you back. There’s no cost for this -- we just want to come alongside you in any way we can. We hope to hear from you soon. Blessings to you, N B!

[@NB-ky5ol]

@@focusonthefamily Thank you and I will call. ❤️❤️

[@AA-mi4zg]

That is extremely immoral.

[@Gerbengiorgio]

May your child grow up to be healthy and happy and may you have a great relationship with the child.

[@francisdaniel3588]

Hello are you doing okay.

[@theynot4u]

That took a lot of courage. Thank you for your honesty, Mr. Smalley. More Christians need to be real about our sins and struggles. I pray this saves lives.

[@vanmoody]

We've had two miscarriages in our marriage. I was reading the book about that kid named Burpo who supposedly went to Heaven. He met his sister who had not been born and he never even knew about. I sat there in my office and began to cry because I had never thought about the miscarriages from the standpoint of me seeing two of my children that I had never met. Now I can see through the eyes of faith my mother holding my two children waiting for me and my wife to meet them.

[@pamelastrich3895]

That is awesome. Jack Hayford wrote a book called I WILL HOLD YOU IN HEAVEN. It really helped me.

[@GodSoLoved.Yeshua]

I have two babies in heaven also. They were always His.

[@pamelastrich3895]

Dear Brother, I am a female counterpart who recieved all the lies! We need to continue to speak the truth so Jesus can heal the people who have chosen abortion and agreed with the decision to abort.

[@ginajoubert]

Praying for you , my husband found forgiveness in Jesus. The confessional was extremely healing. He was in the same position as you. Thank you for being so truthful

[@sunshinydayz1]

This story is so valuable to so many Christians in getting past this trauma. You are exhibiting what the atonement of Jesus can do for healing people who made mistakes and want to find hope. This story is powerful. Jesus has infinitely powerful. Thank you for sharing

[@latoriarichardson6754]

May the Lord comfort him and give him peace after this experience.

[@rebeccatexaschick7621]

Thank you so much for sharing. Men are affected by abortion too.

[@theresajackson7569]

Thank you for sharing your story. I too had an abortion in my teens. It caused a down spiral ing in my life that almost destroyed me. The abortion was actually recommend by my mother. I refused at first but my boyfriend was an older guy who drank and partied a lot and when he did not take responsibility to stop partying I decided that the best thing to do was to have an abortion like my mother suggested. I was three months pregnant. Afterward I hated myself. I knew immediately that I had done the unpardonable sin. I could feel the darkness. I spent the following 3 years trying to destroy myself. I hated myself. Years later I would marry and become a christian. I had a lot of guilt in this area. I too shared it with my husband and then felt that God was leading me to have a memorial for this child to get some closure and healing. We did and I too felt that God revealed to me the sex of my child. I have never gotten past the regret but I know Jesus has forgiven me. The depression and fear have been gone for a long time now. I am now in my 50's. I have 5 children and 6 grandchildren. But i will always be thankful for God's forgiveness. I am so excited about the reversal of Roe vs Wade! Praying for the rest of the reform in this area in our nation. Abortion destroys young women and men and children. Praise God that you can share your story. This will bring healing to many. I can't help but to think of how many women and men carry this pain inside of them daily. The pain of unforgiveness and of abortion and it's losses. May God bless you and your family for being willing to be transparent in your struggle with abortion. I know this had to take a lot of courage for you.

[@Jc1119Mc]

Sir.... I applause u... I cried. . I smiled and felt the joy of knowing ur babies gender my hands down on u... i never knew it affected dad . Ive always been against abortions

[@samanthacorral1466]

Thank you for sharing your story. The trauma does go very deep. I pray this touches many lives as it did mine. 🙏🏼💙

[@chiffvetterice5929]

Some men love their babies before they are born

[@jesuslovesyou2270]

unconditional love isn't earned it is freely given by a person to the one they love

[@galwiththebraids]

I'm glad he got to recognise and love his son. He existed, and he was in his father's life, but he died. I'm glad he remembers him.

[@adecuire6601]

Wow such a powerful story. Guys get pushed away from this subject not realizing this is their baby too.

[@jennajenreecollection9924]

Thank you so much for sharing this and letting us see the depth of God's real grace in your pain and trauma. I was looking for something just like this to comfort a friend, this is a true blessing to me

[@canadasweetie]

Thank you. I respect you admitting that your thoughts then were well it’s not my body so you didn’t think it would affect you. But it did for years. I believe it is just as much the man’s choice to choose abortion. Thank you for this video. Hopefully there is self forgiveness for all of us or those who made that choice, even if it is years later.

[@canadasweetie]

Also thank you for your honesty. Not all Christians would be willing to admit to this.

[@nicolecorrado1959]

So sorry for your loss. I was just talking to a man who lost a baby to abortion. You were not a pending or potential parent, you are a dad who lost a baby to abortion. Parenthood begins at conception.

[@cathyreece9914]

I’ve often wondered how the fathers fell about this. Thank you for sharing. I will save this video in the event I encounter someone who could benefit from it prior to a “choice”. Thank you.❤❤❤

[@51waystosayiloveyou79]

You are not alone man a lot of guys cannot express this because it is not our body

[@nicolecorrado1959]

The baby does have half of the dad’s genes, so they are part of the dad’s body too.

[@georgewallace103]

So true...it will be with you for the rest of your life. Jesus forgives, but the scar stays with you.

[@nicolecorrado1959]

The baby IS part of the daddy’s body, half the mom, and half the dad, one full baby!

[@jennydoucette2538]

respect your honesty and courage. forgive yourself, you will be reunited with your little boy in heaven! sorry you felt that was the only solution, like a lot of people over the years. prayers for ypu and the mother of that aborted child. God bless

[@petarmilchev9814]

A big thank you to all women in the comments, who actually try to recognize men's agony and struggles!

[@feliciajones5617]

When I first heard this my heart broke because 😢 the judgment the condemnation which is there 2Cor 12:9

[@rubble35]

The sin is heinous. But still greater the Grace and Mercy the Father has lavished upon him through His Son, Jesus Christ. If we downplay the sin, we downplay the grace. It is an important distinction.

[@suzanneallen5755]

Wow, thank you for sharing this..your story is important

[@mumlife775]

Thank you for sharing your story ❤

[@annettepetrone6056]

The abortion clinic, PP, and all others, never suggest you go home and talk to your family about aborting or not!!!!!!

[@stylore]

All religion aside, and getting down to real human reality. People don’t understand the pain, the complete disregard of their own life when their child is stripped away from them. Personal somedays I don’t even know if I can go on, I think about killing myself everyday but I never take the steps to do it because I feel regret for the people around me, so it’s a constant lock on the edge of death and constant pain. It never gets BETTER you just find ways to distract yourself. I turn to marijuana a lot, because it helps me not think and sleep. Without it, it’s nothing but misery and constant thoughts. I wish I could end on a positive note, but I’m still trying to figure out ways to cope everyday. Don’t post this comment anywhere else, I didn’t even want to write this but I feel compelled since it’s a hard night.

[@mimosafarnesiana2965]

Ask for help. Try to forgive yourself.

[@dorothydamboise2493]

Thank you.

[@FatBellyChemist1234]

He is not alone, I remember that I didnt stop my ex friend from abortion and I have felt I could not do academic research and all that I have done are futile just choose another career, I feel like I couldnt be a pastor and a chemistry researcher, why bither marrying my bf when I can take my life away from myself. My dad he has hidden this for years now and it hurts him, same with my step mom.

[@fridperon9593]

God bless you .You will see him .

[@nicolecorrado1959]

Your loss brings a lived experience that may make you an even stronger minister, to moms and dads whose babies died by abortion, or lost a child to suicide.

[@meribethlarsen6669]

Psalm 139

[@violettebakom9770]

💙💙💙💙🙏🙏🙏

[@WorldWideLoveNow]

Fouth and Fifth wave feminism have gone too far. Father's rights must be protected. Otherwise, the secret abortions that often occur lead to mistrust (once a man learns); he doesn't know if the child is his, even if it is the father's child; he has the right to help determine (with mate) if abortion is valid for their relationship, etc. The man has the right to stay in the relationship or leave, just like the woman, but medical institutions want the body parts from the fetus/baby, so they don't care about the male/female relationship.

[@stormtrooperguy4416]

As a male who grew up in a Christian household, I still whole heartedly believe that I should have NO SAY in a Woman's abortion rights. I don't have a v@g1n@, so I have NO idea what carrying a child to term would mean for my body or spirit. I'm just saying that more people should believe in the saying "Put yourself in someone else's shoes." Because most people don't and judge other people without even considering it!

[@rhettsalsbury9394]

Weak mindset. If you were truly a Christian, you’d advocate for life

[@alley2023]

Men are half of the ingredients needed to create life. Most women who abort do so because of a lack of support from the other half of their child's biological identity. We follow their lead, and when he says, "Oh your body, your choice." It tells us he's not going to stand up for their child now.. or ever. It feels like you know the "choice" he wants you to make. If you stand up for life , it empowers women to make better choices. Even as a man, having a pro-life perspective helps your peers to support their partners when facing similar situations. I hope you change your perspective to help chance someone else's. You never know how an off-handed comment can save a life.

[@Smileyson58]

Why not promote using birth control

[@shaokhan310]

Its better to regret abortion then to regret having child.

[@trumpiekeith8531]

Just another made up abortion lie.

[@tell-me-a-story-]

That is so foolish and insane. I'd like to be alive, thank you, even if my parents didn't like it.

[@shaokhan310]

​@@tell-me-a-story- why is it foolish and insane?

[@shelteredopal]

how would you feel if your parents regretted you being alive? @@shaokhan310