An Introductory Video on Pathological Demand Avoidance, or PDA

[@joannereadxxx]

It also feels to me like my brain doesn't distinguish between a real and a perceived threat. So my brain translates a demand as a treat.

[@mothboss]

Also, your tendency to call yourself out for perception of narcissism/pontificating or to specify that you don't believe that your not crying as a baby was "really" an indication, yet you, as you say "fancifully," have admitted this to your origin story is amazing to me, because I do the same thing and try to moderate my statements myself to be correct, whether this is salutatory to me or whether it paints me unfavorably. I have actually never seen another person do this, or another person who speaks and articulates exactly the same way that I do, with all of the qualifying statements and the extreme specificity (probably because we have been misunderstood completely for the majority of our lives, or at least that is my case, though I can't speak for you) is just incredible.

[@Diecastclassicist]

Erin T I’ve just discovered this diagnosis, after 49 years of struggle. Reading your comment brought another shock of recognition. Thanks.

[@bee-pv8ph]

This is exactly how I felt watching this

[@julielawson9269]

I do the same too

[@awaken2yogawithvandanadill545]

Me too. Excellent observation.

[@MelissaThompson432]

"Extreme specificity" is my downfall. If I had to identify my "need niche" emotionally and mentally, the need to be excruciatingly correct in my descriptive terminology would do nicely. (Tell me that last sentence wasn't plagued by extreme specificity....)

[@lorenzmenke3121]

My previous statement is to establish respect and control. When I am in a respectful environment I don’t turn down every request that someone makes of me. I should not that I make exceptionally few requests of others which also gives me a moral argument against requests made of me.

[@RoseMaCherieLaurrena]

I started watching you on Tiktok and THANK YOU. I’m not diagnosed, nor want to be but PDA makes so much sense. I find as an adult, I play these games when dealing with authority. I’m always putting myself in 3rd person, don’t acknowledge hierarchy, find daily tasks exhausting, etc. I remember my mother being worried for me when I refused to talk and when I did, I made up my own language and that I was too passive. But once I was bullied I began to be aggressive and fight back. It’s always troubled me to think something is wrong with me because I try to categorize myself between introverted yet extremely socialable; passive yet extremely aggressive, manipulative but not sociopathic, wanting relationships but the demand of maintaining my dearest friends crippling, compulsively resisting demands but not a rebel/ having a particular moral reason, smart yet refuse to give an answer to a question demanded to me unless it is posed at someone else, respect military members yet refused to initially respect rank until I feel ‘safe’, etc Well, I’m uncertain I have this but this does put me in a place of comfort and thank you for sharing Harry.

[@MelissaThompson432]

I wonder if selective mutism might be more properly associated with PDA rather than with ASD. In any case, I relate to your comment.

[@OurHourglass]

It baffles me how much people put up with and how hyper-aggressive and confrontational people can get away with everything they do. If people are cooperative, their "demands" aren't threats to me. But like you said, if they're trying to coerce me then they're not my friend. They want me to do it for them, and not in a "same team" kind of way. That's what does it for me.

[@marcelusdarcy]

I have this. Really struggled in school, being told I had to go by angry parents who got physical when I wouldn't get out of bed. Has caused major depression and anxiety in adult life, and im still recovering from it 7 years on and trying to sort a life for myself. But it's hard because my own demands on myself to clean/cook/dress/socialize etc also triggers it.

[@BirdNatalie]

An anxiety driven need to be in control - so wonderfully worded and so perfect to describe my 14yr old ASD son. Much love from Australia Harry!

[@TheProductofyourmind]

I've only recently found out that PDA had a name - I'm from Germany, and over here it's not even a separate diagnosis. I was diagnosed with Asperger's as well, but I'm so glad I found this video (and other videos about PDA, there's a great video by "isaac russell" putting in words exactly how I feel, too). Thank you for being open about this! I think just knowing what's going on with me and having a name for it might be a first step to being less... stressed and constantly on edge.

[@rebeccaslater8818]

I've just 'discovered' you Harry and I'm so glad I have. My 12yr old is under assessment for ASD and I've ALWAYS (its been a battle for diagnosis since birth) thought she displays more PDA symptoms than anything else. I'll show her this and she'll realise she's not alone. Thankyou.

[@sinopulence]

5:11 Absolutely not, you're the 20th or so video I've sought on the topic, and your delivery is the most consumable for how you speak and describe. Thankyou. Excellent quality.

[@juderobshore5360]

6 years on, and I am still sharing this video to help families. ❤

[@tanyabooth4484]

I have just found this and will be watching more! Thanks so much for shining a light on this. We live in Australia and it doesn't seem to be 'officially' recognised by many. I believe at least one of my 3 daughters with ASD & ADHD fits this profile, if not all. My 12yo has always had the more extreme anxiety, though the other 2 are high also. Thank you for putting yourself out there for others Harry 💙 It means a lot.

[@fionadavies18]

I appreciate this so much. Will help me to spread the word about my son's challenges. Plus people forget that PDA children grow into PDA adults.

[@karendewick97]

Thank you Harry. I'm a parent with an early teen with PDA. It's so helpful to hear your perspective. I really appreciate this.

[@onetwothree322]

Harry: You are a Godsend for my 4 year old grandson. I have bought 2 of your books on Amazon. I will buy and read all others you may have. Please keep up what you are doing to help others.

[@KK-tp1ww]

Thank you so much for making this. My son is 8 and we have suspected for a while he has PDA, and I've recently started trying to explain it to him too. Just on Monday we were chatting about how few videos there are out there to explain PDA. And here you are! It would be amazing if you could do a video talking directly at kids who are feeling lost in themselves as you were at 7 or 8 or 9 to help normalise their experience. My son was beaming from ear to ear when I mentioned someone has started putting PDA videos on you tube. Keep going !

[@sherisjourney1617]

I am in tears. I'm in America, where PDA is not recognized yet, with a 9 yo biy who is diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, ODD, Dyspraxia.... When what he has is PDA. This is the first video I have watched of yours. Cant wait to see more. Everyday is a struggle for him, me and his brothers (also ASD). I dont know how to help him. You give me hope for him and I will show him your videos as well. Thanks for sharing your experience!

[@cameralensdee]

why would people not like this?! this was really helpful and showed me how to deal with pda and what it was like for other people who have had it their whole lives. i am 12 and am gay and need help with pda bcs i am very new to this. my family have only discovered that i might have it in the last 72 hours but this video gave a lot of points that i might have it. thank you very much and i have subscribed and liked and it would mean a lot if the man who made this video himself said something to me bcs i am a little girl and scared. thx xxxx :)

[@HarryThompsonPDAExtraordinaire]

Thank you for your comment, Daisy. I really appreciate your support. I wish you all the best in your journey to understand PDA and yourself more :)

[@cameralensdee]

@@HarryThompsonPDAExtraordinaire thx so much wish u all the best thx xxxxx

[@jcrow62]

Thank you so much. This was so eye opening. I’m positive my kid has this and I learned just last week. I’m so thankful for you. We have always had a name for it, “magilicutty”, but we never understood the root. When you talked about this darkness that overtakes your autonomy i got chills all over my body. Thank you so much.

[@dabears7111]

I thank you for this amazing video. I’m a single parent of a child with PDA and this has answered so many questions. My son has the same amazing vocabulary and articulate beyond his years. Looking forward to your book. Thank you 🙏 great job !!

[@louisedimond9315]

Thank you Harry! Listening to you has been a huge comfort to me at this moment in time to help me understand and support my 19 year old Son who has resorted to total breakdown and living in his bedroom and wanting to be left alone! Xx

[@CuddlyBear-100]

Harry Harry Harry I'm so pleased you have made this video - My son has PDA - he's 13. He feels like he doesn't belong here - always thinking about suicide - it's been such a long battle to have him diagnosed AND recognised. No-one had heard of it, so the lack of support has been a killer - for me and my son. What's your social life like? My son has crippling social anxiety - which has been further damaged by his previous schools! His friends have abandoned him - and I worry endlessly about his future! I'll be following your progress xx

[@kurdeeminecraftmeerkat7]

❤️

[@dorisdaumann5914]

I am a German teacher and grandmother working all my life long with handicapped children and people - I LOVE THEM AND THE INCREDIBLE STEPS THEY DO VERY OFTEN !! Please be sure that my heart goes to you > mothers and (adult) children ... but I've read about PDA just for the first time in these days in a comment to a video about an autistic child ... I looked for a German translation without success - not everyone understands English well enough to follow a video or to read about it ... but I've found Harry's video > and your comments ... I send you my love - God bless you !!

[@penelopefletcher2787]

@Michelle hi michelle. I'm in Australia too & have struggled for more than 10 years to get help from the 'system' for my son. Please find a way to connect with me through fb if you like. We need as much support from others who share this situation. My fb picture is of me in a swimming pool. I hope you find me 🙏

[@benedictjephcote6815]

oh wow, when you started to say "when I was born..." I just had this feeling of knowing exactly what the next part was going to be. How many others did not cry when they were born? I've heard the line "we all cry when we're born" so many times and I've always sat and thought, "Well, apparently not. Unless my mum is lying, I didn't."

[@julielawson9269]

Didn't cry or make one sound during giving birth to my son. My son did not cry either. He was late coming out and I was late dilating...to this day we always have problems getting ready on time... Both of us. We are so funny... Thank you very much for your video as I'm dyslexic and listening is easier to learn. Your use of language is absolutely artful.

[@MelissaThompson432]

Idk if I cried at birth or not, but I have been described as "a perfect baby" so many times I feel like the inevitable follow up is, "...so what happened?" Well, neurodiversity happened....

[@jeremyshields8285]

Wow-your self-descriptors resonate with me in so many ways! Thank you!

[@lisokelly5471]

Look forward to showing this to my son (10yrs) who has PDA. This is so hopeful and you talk so eloquently. Look forward to reading your book too. Thank you.

[@tracymartin142]

Thank you for sharing Harry. After taking my son through the gamut of psychologists and the like, and being given so many diagnoses, which NEVER seem to fit quite right, you have so eloquently explained my son. Its like he has this beast inside him, he HATES it, it is NOT who is he is, and every day is a struggle. Thank you so much for sharing. It is a great comfort to know he is not alone. God Bless.

[@emmaconstantinides34]

Hi Harry I just finished your book and it was really good and I see a lot of demand avoidant behaviours in myself. You have made me realise that I am not a brat, I just see and deal with the world in a different way. Thank you so much Harry and I wish you all the best in the future 😁😁👍👍

[@strawsofftheneurodivergent4221]

Yeah, that freezing is so familiar to me. And then you just sit there. Or I just walk away when I feel stressed. Only when I can't supress it any longer, then the volcano explodes, I can become extremely angry. In an instant. And you just can't NOT feel stressed out.

[@deesparklebazinga9374]

I was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD last year at 38 and really connect with your experiences of PDA. Thanks for sharing

[@mothboss]

I'm 26 and I think I have this. I already knew I was Autistic, but so many of my traits were still different from other Autistic women I've talked to, and I didn't think it was ODD. I follow demands and directions if I consider them and find them to have genuine merit, but I refuse to be told what to do if it doesn't benefit me, other people besides the one demanding it, or if I find something deeply disagreeable about the demand/reason behind the demand. I can't work because I can't take top-down authority when I find it arbitrary or think that the person in charge (Either a boss, or teacher, etc) has authority. I have agoraphobia now because I experienced such bad panic attacks that I had to drop out of university in my last year and quit both of my jobs. I was having panic attacks in the break room everyday, suicidal ideation every day, recurring nightmares about not being able to do or finding it odious to do what was "required" of me. Now I don't know what to do. My mom is abusive, my husband is very supportive, but he's the breadwinner and he's a contractor, so employment is spotty at best and non-existent in a worst case scenario. (Every 6 months or so IT contracting positions just POOF and dry up...) :'( Anyway, I'm just writing this because I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for helping me to not feel so terribly alone today.

[@jonathanp___________3606]

My story is so similar, except that my wife is a postdoc and her positions only last a year or two.

[@m.51373]

You come across as an intelligent and introspective friend sharing about yourself. I experience you as confident and comfortable to be around because you are honest.

[@carolinecashman1015]

Thank you Harry, my 10 yr old has PDA, folks do need awareness and you are helping.

[@ejroughley]

Thank you so much. After years of just being told my son is autistic, I have stumbled upon PDA. Thankfully the name describes the condition perfectly and as such I leapt on it. Began the googling and watching KZbin clips. Here I am seeing you describe, very articulately, what my son appears to be living. He's now 11 and had PDA been a well known condition when he was younger, I think the team of people trying to help him/us with him, we'd have clicked 8 years ago when I installed a chain on the door to keep him safe and he reacted, (as a 3 year old) by throwing a chair through a window to escape.

[@oliviabarnes1127]

Thank you, so helpful and hopeful for parents to hear from adults with PDA. Feels so much like we're stumbling about in the dark much of the time.

[@tomandjennacali1879]

you have no idea how much I needed this video. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU

[@dorisdaumann5914]

Hi Harry - thank you very much for your video ! I read about this diagnosis first in a comment to a video of an autistic child . My son as an adult worked with a group of handicapped children for nearly a year before he entered a police academy - now he is a police officer, married and a father of 3 !! He still remembers his time working with these children very well and loved it !! I am 60 years old and work as a teacher - my whole life long I worked with handicapped children / people also and this I like most !!! I never loose my love for and interest in these people and the exiting steps they often do ... and I think our brain / how it works is one of the most interesting "thing" to discover ... Harry, I looked for the German translation for PDA (not everybody knows the language well enough to read or hear about it in English) - but I didn't find any. They only use it for an anesthetic treatment (for women giving birth). Can you help me please ? God bless you !! Lots of love from Germany !!

[@georgiamclellan519]

Thanks for this video. My 10 year old has PDA and often when you say PDA they don't quite understand it. Your videos will help dispel some huge misconceptions.

[@tbbek17]

Your videos are brilliant and it is lovely to see everything from an adult point of view. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@alion242]

This is fantastic Harry. The best explanation of PDA, I've heard. very much looking forward to your book and future KZbin videos x

[@melanierae]

Thank you for this video! Mom here just putting pieces together for her 14 yr old son. I just discovered PDA yesterday after feeling useless as a mom and searching the Internet for answers. So many missed days of school and life in general. This video is giving sanity. He is diagnosed with anxiety and ADD but PDA is the missing piece. Now to get more info and figure out how to help him. I hope you are doing well and thriving on your PDA journey. PS we hate labels too!

[@williampark6704]

A great start to the understanding, to the series ... btw, 'creative chaos' ... there is so much in that.

[@sashizakura9124]

Hi Harry, thank you for making this video. We recently hired someone who I'm fairly sure has PDA, but, of course, thanks to labor laws, we may never know for sure - which is terrible, because it can be very easy to believe that someone who refuses to take direction in the work place is being maliciously defiant for kicks. I still don't know, but I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, which is what brought me to your video in the first place. To start with, you sound extremely thoughtful, and like someone who is totally self-aware and has this under control, even though it may be challenging a lot of times! I think it's great! My coworker, however...is a nightmare. Not only does he violate several rules the rest of us would catch hell for not following, but he's chosen me specifically to particularly be defiant toward, and won't even speak to me - at all. I have never said or done anything bad to this person, and I'm not even his boss, but I am a senior employee and we need to work together, so I do occasionally have requests that I need to make of him - which, unless the boss is present and I make it very clear that he's being directly insubordinate if he does not do what I asked of him, he will not do. I work in a bakery where hot oil and hot trays are constantly being passed around and communication is absolutely necessary to avoid potentially serious injury! Even though several of us have already explained to him as nicely as possible why he needs to communicate, and why we're asking him to do what we ask him to do, he still refuses, and will even go into a cranky mood, sulk, and sometimes start throwing things around, or generally being loud and obnoxious, clattering trays and utensils. It's extremely grating, and I've had to have several discussions with our boss about his behavior and how, if he ends up burning or injuring himself, it will become MY fault, because he didn't do what I asked. It's also bad because he thinks nothing of facing our customers with his rotten, sulky mood when he chooses to go into one. It really is infuriating, and the bottom line is - I wish I knew for absolutely certain if he has this, or autism at all, so I could begin the process of learning to work with him, rather than assuming he's doing it on purpose (particularly targeting me for reasons I will never understand - he has a boss and another coworker who are far more demanding than I have ever been with anyone there, and especially him because he's new and I don't work with him all that much! I really don't get it), and is just a jerk who should be regarded and dismissed as a jerk. Thanks to the danger associated with his refusal to communicate, I really strongly believe now that ASD disclosure should be a requirement at a job where communication is essential. The rest of the staff MUST know what we're dealing with so we can find workarounds if we have to work with people who refuse to follow important rules! I hope others reading this with PDA will try to understand this. Another commenter here actually said it was a personal victory for them to be defiant toward the request of a teacher. What a horrible attitude to have! Sometimes rules are important and NEED to be obeyed by everyone! Someday this guy is really going to hurt himself, if not from disobeying the rules, then by having one of his tantrums, and I can only hope I'm not on shift when it happens, because I don't want to end up blamed for it.

[@Toria1982]

Oh Harry this video is brilliant. Thank you. I have a son with suspected PDA, he's only 5 but it just fits and none of the other asd are quite right. I also am suspecting that I may have it too. Thank you for this xx

[@RachelGerrard]

Same here - did he get a diagnosis?

[@angelafranklin7386]

What a great video Harry. My 7 year old son has PDA and things are bad at times. You have given me hope for his future. I look forward to seeing your next video.

[@heidiwickham3228]

Amazing! To hear from someone who identifies as PDA to articulate so candidly and intelligently from personal experience. Made me quite emotional. I'm going to have to catch up on all your videos!

[@MelissaThompson432]

I just "met" you on Paul's channel (Autism From the Inside) about 12 hours ago (and it only just now occurred to me to check and see if you had a channel.) I YT-searched and found you; starting here because it was one of the first videos to come up on search. You're still teaching me who I am, which I find mystifying. I have always said I don't have control issues, (even though I know I have demand avoidance because I live inside this life and I'm familiar with me.) And then you say, PDA comes down to a need for control, and I suddenly have this sense of epiphany.... Oh, of course! I have control issues! 🤦🤷🤔🙄

[@yolandeward2112]

You are obviously an articulate and intelligent young man. I have a fourteen year old son with PDA. I think that you explained it beautifully. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to you, and your description of PDA from your perspective and experience. I was able to easily relate to everything you said from my experience as a parent. I wish you the very best, and look forward to reading your book.

[@HarryThompsonPDAExtraordinaire]

Thank you, Yolande!

[@faesoul]

We live in America where PDA is not yet an official diagnosis but I so wish it was and hope it will be soon. Do you know anything about that process, if it’s being considered? I want you to know how much you have helped our family. My beautiful 8 year old son was diagnosed with high functioning autism, anxiety disorder and SPD...but none of those suited him as perfectly as PDA, which we recently stumbled upon. I’ve been devouring articles and your videos and some books and we are blessed that his support team at school are all now doing research to switch over to PDA techniques at school. So far since they’ve started, he’s had more successful and happier days at school. I just want to thank you, with tears in my eyes, for putting yourself out there to help families like ours. ✨🙏🏼

[@garychap8384]

Thank you for this thoughtful video Harry, this is a video that needed making. I have Autism, with some OCD-like and very many PDA-like features... ... but, I prefer the term _"mentally interesting"_ ; )

[@privatefamily9808]

Thank you. My son was ASD/PDA diagnosed this year. He is 9. It is hard for us but harder for him. Your video helps me to see light...

[@beverleygray758]

You have helped me a lot ,not just for me but for my PDA autistic son

[@larcybird]

Thank you so much for your honest video. You have just described my son to me! He is 23 and awaiting diagnosis for Aspergers and ADHD but I now see that this is exactly it! Wow. A revelation.

[@christinacritcher4988]

Hello Harry, Thank you so much for this eloquent video. My wonderful 17 year old son has PDA too. I look forward to more videos. Every good wish.

[@bethhankoff3797]

You did a great job explaining PDA! I mean, I don't have it so what do I know?!? But you made it really clear what you are feeling and what it is like for you. My son is very similar. Even the early school experience you described. He is 18 now - smart, social, creative. The only thing that never fits (he is diagnosed high functioning autism) is the language delay. Not only was there no delay, he actually spoke VERY EARLY!! His motor skills were all delayed though. He had sleep issues beginning in preschool, too, that still have not resolved. I also agree with you about the similarities to bipolar - this explains why there are misdiagnoses of bipolar in kids and teens who are actually on the spectrum. I always did think my kid was having some sort of anxiety reaction to stress because he didn't have any type of outbursts until he started going to elementary school! This information is so helpful. Thank you!!

[@liney1973]

I’m two hours in to listening to your book Harry and am hanging off your every word. My son is just like you and the similarities are uncanny, Steiner School and Nature kids! My son went to RSSKL. Can’t wait to hear the rest of the book I’m so grateful for your explanations.

[@drbrog190]

I'm just gonna say, I could listen to your voice for hours. When you do publish, I beg you, please narrate an audiobook lol.

[@HarryThompsonPDAExtraordinaire]

Dallas B that's very kind of you to say, thank you! I'll definitely consider it :)

[@MiladyMetalhead]

Dallas B LOL I was going to say the same thing. 😂

[@maryannscott5567]

Very soothing way of speaking 🔊

[@awaken2yogawithvandanadill545]

Yes, I agree voice is very comforting.

[@traceygilligan1201]

Hi Harry, I have just watched your video. My son has Autism, and his school ( special school for Autism ) have just discussed the possibility that he may have PDA. I just want to thank you for sharing your knowledge, and perspective, watching your video's will really help me understand PDA. Best wishes

[@Wildernessadventuresoz]

What a breath of fresh air listening to you. Thankyou for this insight. This is my son all over

[@planetnomadicpersonal]

Hi, thanks for this. Yours is the first video by a PDA-er I've heard that isn't by a clinician. Your description is uncanny. My daughter has moderate autism, not Asperger's but she has described her experience as "having split or multiple personalities", feeling like "Jekyll and Hyde", "having a Hulk moment", "feel like I want to rip myself out of this body and starting over" and worse ideations. Just came across your channel yesterday and look forward to more videos describing your experience of the "physiological reactions". Thanks.

[@pangometersen8834]

Holy crap on a stick. So much is making sense now. Not everything, of course, but so, so much. Thank you

[@awaken2yogawithvandanadill545]

Thank you for your comment It make me chuckle.

[@galathoughtart]

I sit on the fence diagnosis and undiagnos ing myself, then I identify so strongly with what you talked about!

[@benedictjephcote6815]

That was a really clear video and the small digressions were really useful I found. Thanks very much for putting this up. I wanted to hear a personal take on this from an adult and I'm pleased I found this and that you made and put this up.

[@Indigochild71]

This video is excellant. I admire your intelligence and ability to articulate PDA simply.

[@deborahf9951]

Just found you after some googling re PDA kids and fawning as we are having more of them being referred to our children's crisis Team (for ASD/LD) .. I'm really interested in this particular profile of ASD and eager to be as supportive as i can working directly with these kids and their families. It IS so little understood! thank you for what you've done and are doing Harry. Brilliant stuff! Shall watch/read lots more 👍🏼

[@muteqx]

Thank you Harry for this video... I came looking for something to help with my daughter (who literally says "no" to about 90% of situations!) and ended up learning more about myself. I look forward to watching and reading more. Cheers!

[@teslaandhumanity7383]

I believe my 23 year old son has this , I have done for 5 years, he never went to mainstream school, he refuses to go to GP . He had delayed speech , he attended Camhs but refused to speak. He felt like tutors were his mates their is no heirarchy . He refuses to leave the house for years . I have to be very careful how I ask Harley for any help. He can also get obsessed with people or things like Xbox but he’s outgrown that now . He’s a lovely lad but a real challenge to raise . His sister has Aspergers. Thanks for highlighting PDAS Harry .

[@noonoomoo7978]

Thanks Harry, you have a wonderful way of articulating things and you absolutely are helping to raise awareness of PDA

[@fynarmstrong5628]

Hi. I've watched many of your videos. They have really helped me in times where I've made bad situations for myself as a result of the anxiety. I too have PDA and you are helping everyone with this condition!!

[@WilliamAlanPhoto]

This description resonates deeply with me. Thank you for making this video.

[@zuzannabromowicz9918]

Thank you for sharing. I do agree. I got diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, well HF ASD but PDA matched the most.

[@cherylgriffin2989]

thank you so much for this video. you've just described my son word for word. I now have hope.

[@missybean2223]

My daughter has SPD and recently diagnosed with ODD. But I can’t help think PDA is more of a fit. Her anxiety about simple things is so intense. Currently waiting to be evaluated

[@caledoniabeautifuleden8584]

I felt so much affinity with your Mother when you discussed your sleep refusal as a baby/ toddler! My daughter used to physically hold her eyelids open when I put her in her pram at night so my husband could walk her in the fresh air (the motion helped her sleep but she would physically fight getting into the pram (she started to realise going in the pram meant she had to go to sleep) so we stopped forcing her.) Instead she slept with me for years, I had bed guards on either side and she would sleep happily in my arms, as long as she knew where I was and that I was with her. For years my husband slept in the spare bedroom! She has always had her own bedroom and bed - I always told her that when she felt ready, she could sleep in her own room. Eventually that’s exactly what happened, she just decided one night that she wanted to sleep in her own room but with the proviso that she could return to sleeping with me if it was too much too soon! Despite loving her bedroom, loving sleep and not wanting to get out of bed at times, my daughter still delays bedtime and this has happened for years and still does now (she recently turned 11). I have a great deal of guilt regarding my daughter. I am autistic, although didn’t realise until my son (very typical autism presentation) was diagnosed at age 6. I was very intuitive in taking care of both of their sensory needs, although always believed my daughter to be more socially able than either my son or I. Which in itself seemed true - until she got older and masking proved increasingly difficult. I have been trying to get support for my daughter since she was a toddler, as I sensed that she needed support. Finally, now she is 11, she has an educational psychologist, a special intervention teacher, two head teachers and a CAMHS psychologist who are all working together with us to support her. They suspect autism/ PDA and it fits far better than any of the books on female presentation of autism. I urge any parents out there, don't give up! Seek second opinions! You know your child best! I let far too many teachers placate me, telling me my daughter was charming, a pleasure to teach, sociable and kind. Which she was charming, she was always told what a lovely, well behaved child she was. But she still struggled, she was amazing at distraction and avoiding what she was asked to do, she still is, so good in fact that she wouldn't get in trouble for it!

[@007sweetkitten]

crikey? I learn so much from your clips about potential ways to communicate better with my son who has PDA and how he might be seeing the world and interpreting it. thank you Harry

[@evilmickey]

I think i have this and im 28, going for diagnosis for asbergers but it takes time. This is by far the most helpful video I've found for this, i think you have an idea of how helpful it is so thank you very much dood!

[@fionasims9365]

Brilliant Harry!! Thank you so much for sharing your story and the struggles faced...good luck with your book.. x

[@mandiereds]

Absolutely amazing and helpful. Thank you! I have subscribed. I am working with a young man who has. I diagnosis. The powers that be think he maybe PDA. Listening to you and hearing your struggles is very useful.

[@KerryArmstrongitsmylifeuk]

Thank you so much for doing this video and i will be watching them all as soon as possible. My 3, nearly 4yr old daughter is currently under assesment and PDA seems to be her "fit" so to speak....hence my research having brought me to your video....nice to get insight from someone with PDA rather than just the say of a paediatrician 😁 Thank you

[@terryenby2304]

Met Tigger P. And listened to him the other week and he mentioned you and few other wonderful people to learn more. Hoping to get at least one book by you for Christmas too :)

[@sweetnsour5661]

I’m really confused I was diagnosed with high functioning autism, but recently I’m thinking PDA fits better.

[@victoriaharbert1438]

Autism is a broad range of things instead of individual labels such as pda or aspergers they just say autism nowadays

[@lorenzmenke3121]

My definition which sounds much more reasonable is who is in command of my labors and resources me or every one else who wants something from me.

[@gailhandley4974]

All I can say is thank you thank you thank you for doing this , you’ve described my daughter xx

[@DJLauraTouray]

Wow Harry this is such an awesome video! Me and my son both have PDA & you are so brilliant at explaining our struggles! I hope we can link up in the future. Bless you x

[@tashasmum]

Thank you Harry, I believe my daughter has pda and am in the process of having her hopefully diagnosed, this video will very much help those who don't understand, will be watching more of your videos in the process :-)

[@danadair8512]

Fantastic video Harry. Keep up the good work.

[@78KellyS78]

You have a wonderful way with words! Thank you for this insightful video 👋😀

[@HarryThompsonPDAExtraordinaire]

Thank you! My pleasure 😁

[@seftonparentcarerforum6413]

Thanks for this video - please keep making them!

[@noratarmann3990]

Thank you for sharing your experiences !

[@kristyclark2753]

Wow. So informative! Thank you so much Harry for the explanation!

[@leytonsmith9258]

Hello, our son age 5 has been showing signs of autism since age 3 and a half, it came on like a switch. We had been trying to help him ever since! We attended a 6 month parenting course and it helped incredibly! However we found all the tools worked for our other boy, don't work for our 5 year old. His teacher whom consulted an autism specialist refered him as a possible fit for PDA and every trait, we can easily see in him, no more and no less. Personally I am relieved that we now have a bit more of an understanding to help him, we have been doing pretty well pre-empting the anxiety and ensuring he has a sense of control, but from you video share, you put it very well when you may feel someone is taking something from you when given a request, I can almost feel what it may feel like if someone asked me to do something that went against my own morels or was entirely unrealistic that carried un-nesasary disadvantage for not doing it. So it's clear now, asking my boy to put his shoes on really cranks the emotions like walls closing in, I can understand why he goes off on a wild tangent and uses humour to help distract himself. It's a cooping mechanism I don't think we really understood and I can see why it gets confused with ADHD. He's the sweetest and most loving boy... And kids act out, our boy I'm pretty sure by nature does not mean to, it's a defense against a major internal struggle. Thankyou so much for sharing ! I was hoping someone would have shared their experience as an adult whom can articulate it well enough to be able to help. Want the best for our boy, if we can make his life easier and give him tools now we are all for it!

[@imagineme9]

This is so insightful!

[@joebrown6314]

I have a test for PDA, autism etc in august and I’ve just seen this video after having it suggested to me by my mum and everything you’ve said happens to me. The addictiveness. The zombie state thing. The obsession all of it. I don’t have many friends they are mostly online because I seem to ruin most of my real life relationships with almost everybody. Which includes my step mum my sister etc. I don’t really know where to go with it because. When I go off to uni I am effectively homeless due to not having somewhere to go back to due to my random outbursts. I’m just confused about it all really and idk what to do

[@caitlinroseblaney226]

I’m 35 and a PDAer. I’m sure this isn’t the place for this kind of inquiry, but do any of you happen to know if there are resources available to support and assist people like us? I’ve somehow made it almost all the way to being a teacher - my God - and hit a stumbling block on the way and need a bit of help. I can’t quite believe that I’ve managed to make it this far, to be honest - and during a pandemic… it’s nerve-racking and surreal. Hoping somebody might be able to offer some advice on this, or has experience with finding resources or assistance. I just can’t fail, because it feels like I’ve failed at everything else, if you know what I mean. Thanks! (And I’m so glad to find that there is a community for this, I’ve always felt so alone! Nice to meet everybody!)

[@awaken2yogawithvandanadill545]

Hi! Nice to meet you too. Congratulations on your success and commitment! I am also wanting to know more about resources and support. Thank you for your question.

[@luvstargypsy]

Thanks you so much for sharing ❤️

[@cassandradavies7956]

Great video Harry!

[@n.c.6211]

I am trying to understand the difference between Asperger's and PDA and if the two can be comorbid! Thank you!!

[@erikaf1511]

Inspirational thank you. My daughter is 8...current ASD/PDA diagnosis....gives hope for the future and very interesting you mention Bipolar

[@suesmith2022]

Feb19, You come over very articulate and truthful. Helpful. I will look for more of your videos.

[@annajudithcarey3608]

Really appreciate this video I have recently been diagnosed with pda

[@crazwizardlizard]

thank you for starting this channel. im trying to figure out if i have pda and autism, or if it might be a combination of my other disorders creating similar symptoms, but all the material online is focused towards helping the parents of children, not adults seeking their own diagnosis.

[@TheGaschick]

Great video!!! Like definition that you have used