Analyzing and Resolving Recurring Nightmares -- An exploration using personal examples

My Website: wildtruth.net
My Patreon: / danielmackler
I'm hoping others in similar situations will find value in this. I'm still in the process of healing some of the old wounds in my life which express themselves in ongoing, recurrent nightmares. I believe I will heal this someday!

[@RevolutionaryThinking]

It's so counter intuitive that the people closest to us can harm us the most and the people who are so farm from us can help us heal.

[@firehorse9996]

The young American woman who did the "Escape from Narcissism" channel says in one of her videos that her brother told her he greatly admired how she broke out of her comfort zone by moving to Barcelona. Upon reflection, she realized SHE NEVER HAD A COMFORT ZONE! This is true for so many of us coming from abusive homes.

[@AndyT-np8mm]

It gets even worse. Having done the same as the young American woman (i..e. having spent most of my adult life abroad - in my case in one of Europe's poorer and more 'problematic' countries) and also being gay and having experienced more than the 'average' amount of death and trauma over the years (am now in my late 50s), I was told on a recent visit to my native land (UK) by a sibling that I've lived "a very sheltered life".

[@CaroleChiaki]

You have become my favorite person to watch on youtube. I learn so much from every video. You are a very intelligent, kind, and an excellent speaker. This video in particular made me think back to my own experiences in high school where I also had multiple emotionally immature teachers (I was in a choir group in a Japanese high school). Similar to your experience in the school band, my choir teachers made such a big deal out of this club, prioritizing it over the members' scholastics and everything else and, like you said, emotionally punishing the students who quit with silent treatment. The main conductor was very narcissistic and incredibly self-righteous, and could/would not listen to anything the students said. Now I didn't quit this choir group, half because I enjoyed the singing itself and half out of fearing the teachers, but I do remember mimicking the teachers in ignoring the kids who had quit. I was probably brainwashed as a result of the cult-like mentality of the choir teachers. In short, this extracurricular activity that was only meant to be a fun pass-time, turned into this giant source of stress, over-powering every other aspect of my life and tainting most of my time in high school with the endless fear of doing anything to upset or challenge these teachers. It was incredibly emotionally draining for me as well as all the other members. It's my second year in university now, and I still feel like the scared person I was in high school, but I hope some day I will find the courage to go and confront these teachers who emotionally manipulated me and my peers. Your story struck a chord with me, and I would just like to say thank you for all the effort and heart you put in your videos. I am looking forward to seeing more of them. You know I will be watching every single one :) Thank you for always inspiring me to be a better and stronger person. Much love, Carole

[@PassaFloraElle]

I just started telling a couple trusted friends my recurring childhood dreams, I began looking into meaning to make sense of why my imagination created such vivid and terrifying situations while sleeping. I know now how unsafe I felt in my childhood home and in close proximity to my birth family. Cheers to all the folks out here healing and finding their truth. Much love!

[@threebigideas3488]

Thanks for being 100% open and honest. The world needs this type of communication. It sometimes feels like I'm meeting this type of vulnerable authenticity for the first time.

[@lizl1407]

You are so incredibly generous to share your inner life with us. I don't know if this is helpful, but I have found amazing success uncovering and resolving very early traumatic memories using Teal Swan's Completion Process. Another thing that has worked for me is, as my therapist says, you can actually ask your "dream machine" a question and see what it says. If you ask with focused intention a couple times, something will eventually come up in your dreams to help you understand. I do believe you're right that our unconscious loves us so much that our dreams, even the scary ones, are designed to teach us and help us become more whole. Thank you for all your videos, you have been a huge help to me and I'm sure to many others as well! ❤️

[@KL-tn1xc]

Oh great! i've had a few often recurring dreams where i had to fight dangerous individuals. or get chased by some. thank you for the video!

[@oi5692]

Thankyou again. Your courage in Sharing brings profound benefit. We are so lucky to have you!

[@SimoneBattaglia94]

Thanks, Daniel! I've found your channel some weeks ago and I'm impressed and inspired by the content you are sharing (including your fantastic documentaries). The reason why I am here is suffering and I found your channel while I was starting to realize my own hard childhood. While doing my journaling and therapy work I've started recalling a recurrent childhood nightmare (and I had some days of bad fear of abandonment). My nightmare consisted in a ghost (with a skeleton appearance) appearing behind the window of my bedroom. Cheers from Italy.

[@BlackCatedialogue]

Do you have fb account.? Can you share it? I would like to talk to you as im finding difficulty in journaling trauma. Can you share some helpful methods? Is there is specific way of doing journalism?

[@SimoneBattaglia94]

@@BlackCatedialogue I'm afraid I'm still at the beginning in this type work and I don't know how much of my trauma I've worked out, anyway what I write is basically: - Dreams (with some free associating, even only writing them out without a clear idea of what's going on seems to do "something") - Interesting days (when something good or bad happens) - Fantasies. (basically writing out small stories or methaphors, or looking if there is some kind of image that you have in your sub conscious mind, describing and playing with it) - Opinions about anything. - Observations about my behaviour. - Psychic state/phycosomatic sympthoms. - Describing why I like a painting or piece of music for instance. - Looking for some kind of common pattern in what I write of everything. - Things to be discussed in therapy (and reflecting about the therapy itself) So don't know if I'm "Journaling trauma", anyway sometimes memories such as this nightmare came up while reflecting about my past and writing it out. I think large part of the work is connecting in some way to your unconscious and to find a space for yourself. But I'm just improvising. I don't think there is a standard approach. I think Daniel made a video or two on the topic if you're interested. I hope this can be helpful.

[@labellefleur5874]

It took a lot of bravery to confront this man. Thank you for your perspective! Very helpful ! You are an amazing person!! Never stop making videos please! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@proto1132]

Always good content, you have lived a really interesting life so far. You should right a novel or something. I'd read it.

[@benadams3569]

Well, that "adult" was really mature wasn't he? *shakes head*

[@cristinamagurean]

Brilliant video, Daniel. So interesting and so useful to me. You are doing great work here.

[@winter-i-i]

Oh my god! I have been having a recurring nightmare for the exact same reason: silent treatment! I confronted that person about how much it hurt, he didn't really apologize but after that ive only had one nightmare like 5months ago, and then recently i dreamed that i talked to him again, he apologized and truly recognized how hurt i was and we hugged in the end. I feel much better, like i am no longer so resentful.

[@ancientsprout]

Amazing:) Dreams can be very therapeutic.

[@isabt4]

Thank you for sharing. You are so brave! Very interesting and helpful ❤️

[@PsycheOS]

A great reframe in this case, and it is often more true than we may imagine, is that the Band Leader / Teacher, felt rejected by you / abandoned, and felt that your leaving was a reflection on him. This interpretation at allows you to side step feelings of rejection / non-approval / abandonment and actually show sympathy towards him - as long as you can extract yourself out the situation (band). And it's very possible that was true, as well as the just the existential need or fear he would have that once one band member left, there could be others who wanted to leave feeling emboldened to actually leave.

[@kaarlesland1709]

This really help me, thanks! The second story is just like my own life and my childhood. Thanksfor sharing this!

[@sonseraedesigns7167]

Thank you so much. For 12 years while I was married, I had a horrible night terror where my ex was holding me down and demons were flying over my bed and screaming. I was frozen and couldn’t move. My ex was a horribly abusive person and I ended up having to leave to save my life. I ended up homeless for over a year to hide from him…but I never had that night terror again. Sixty five percent of homeless women left an abuser. It’s true. The streets were safer than the house they lived in. I slept in the middle of the woods or anywhere and was never scared…but I was terrified of my husband finding me. I believe that reoccuring dream was God trying to speak to me and warn me of danger. There are demonic forces in places of abuse. That is real. Please read Job 33 in the Bible. It talks about God speaking to us through dreams and visions of the night. To warn us and protect us and seek the truth.

[@aafreenmoinuddin2197]

I've had the same recurring dreams as you mentioned as if some one is trying to break into through the window more often when I am at my parents. I still have them every now and then.

[@theokirkley]

I get nightmares about being late for work and behind schedule. I'm a bus driver

[@Serenedove]

It probably says how important this job is for you and how you need to perform perfectly!! It is important to have so many expectations! They definitely would lead to stress and eventually dreams replaying that stress.

[@magdalena.slavova]

Oh, my Gosh- you had a gun at 16th !? This country, I can't comprehend with it.

[@dmackler58]

I know, looking back in hindsight it seems rather disturbed, but that was the environment I was growing up in... ah!

[@sgtrock2821]

I got away from my abusive father but I still loved him. I felt guilty for cutting him out of my life. I still contacted him on bdays n holidays. Went to his funeral.

[@exbronco1980]

I wonder what kind of work Daniel Mackler does.

[@johnmiller4050]

Holy crap! I can't BELIEVE I'm even saying this but I am just like this guy! I'm ALWAYS having very terrifying nightmares about older guys/ grown men and men are also the reasons why I don't feel very comfortable or safe anymore! And why John Miller never came back that evening when he went to the store to buy some groceries from the store!

[@MoonChildMedia]

Awe Daniel, I'm sorry that "teacher" was abusive to you. Unfortunately our culture has learned little about being appropriate with children whether you're a parent, teacher or a member of the community. Children need to be treated as a precious gift , instead of just saying how precious children are, our society needs to start treating kids with the respect and human dignity one would give their dearest friend.

[@csulakeva5366]

very interesting, I had the same recurring dream for many years after moving from a house to an apartment when I was only 3, never understood why, I solved 25 years later with conscious dreaming. In my dream, instead of running I turned towards the aggressor and I looked at him... never had that dream after

[@PeterGregoryKelly]

One recurring dream I frequently had in high school was being a passenger in a car being driven by a female which would always crush or was being driven in a very dangerous manner by a woman. Must have been about 20 different dreams, different women and different cars.

[@michasosnowski5918]

Alot of bullshit around. You are as always pure and honest. This is who I would want to become more.

[@dolf5039]

Wow! Good for you ... how often we leave quietly, and are allowing bullies to have the last say ( in its various forms ...a firm “shun” in this case ).

[@Cymricus]

Dreams are really difficult to unpack and figure out what's causing them. I have a lot of my father busting into my room and yelling from the living room, and that one is easy to see, but I also have dreams about cosmic events that are both awe inspiring and terrifying, like there will suddenly be planets and moons surrounding or approaching us from space or I'll be in space trying to get back to earth in a space craft I'm unfamiliar with. I also have a lot of tornado dreams, but the tornado is never nearby. It's always in the distance. So the cosmic events and the tornadoes have in common that there is some looming, existential threat in the distance that is both beautiful but ultimately apocalyptic in nature and I'm unfortunately able to witness it and not know when the end will come. I assume it has a lot to do with being nihilistic and going through existential and identity crises, but I don't see resolving those two issues any time soon.

[@kh-nw8gq]

@Daniel It seems that you see love as black or white sometimes, where all desire to be loved is immature, and only nurturing others is healthy adult love. But isn't there an inborn, natural desire to feel appreciated and loved, even in healthy adults? How do you distinguish those ?

[@zoekothe3457]

I used to have the same dream that a stranger was breaking in through my bedroom window and attacking me around the age of ten.

[@patrickporco6972]

How did you afford all that traveling while in college....did your parents pay for it

[@dmackler58]

Hi Patrick. My parents paid for some, and I also worked and saved a little money. But mostly I hitchhiked. Daniel

[@patrickporco6972]

@@dmackler58 you have had a very interesting life...sometimes i think all people are broken to one degree or another for one reason or another...i hope one day you will find the peace you are searching for

[@Baqsam]

What that band instructor did was beyond abhorrent. Even if you actually done goofed, wasn't he a kid at one point, understanding how kids' minds operate?

[@theokirkley]

If someone apologizes insincerely and asks me to accept their apology, I say, "I can't accept your apology but I can accept the fact that you feel no remorse." People often get angry at that point which is more proof to me that they were insincere. I don't know if I would go up to someone and explain how they wronged me. I wouldn't give any caveats for them. That doesn't help in my opinion. You can forgive someone without them apologizing.

[@monmanon572]

hm they are not necessary insincere you cant expect somebody to apologize on their knees for something minor and it is ubderstandable when somebody is angry when you say something like this. with apologies it is important to be compasionate towards other person too because admiting to mistakes is hard for everyone. of course it doesnt apply to more severe damages

[@PeterGregoryKelly]

HELP! A dingo stole my shrink.

[@thesavagereservation]

Story of my life, yo...

[@Sdrical19]

Thank you so much. I've been watching lots of your videos these days. My 13 years old brother is apparently having some psicosis problems, and he suffers recurrent nightmares. Do you think I should ask him to tell me all details about these dreams and try to figure out how to face them? Or that would only worsen any trauma he has? Thanks again.

[@dona4him942]

He fed you bullshit! I'm not buying it! He didn't "realize" what he was doing! Really?! I never met the guy and I don't like him ALREADY. That sounded pretty condescending to me and he never respected you. He's pretending nothing happened and he still thinks what he did is OK and he will keep on being the fake piece of plastic he's always been. I can't STAND people like that! I wouldn't waste another minute of my life with him if that was me. He was the "ADULT", and you were the child! And to me, that behavior is totally unacceptable. ESPECIALLY coming from an adult! 😤

[@luistriana4862]

It's 3:00 am, why tf I'm watching this?

[@iwannabethekid34xc]

I’m an average man with an average build and average stature of five foot nine inches. And I’m furious about what I’ve witnessed and what I experienced in the past. At parents in particular, but also the greater culture which enables their shit behavior. I’m gonna do somethin about it. Don’t know what yet, but I gotta do somethin. My mom always told me to stand up for the little guy, as long as I can stand up for myself. I don’t like bullies. I don’t care if I risk physical pain confronting them. I am satisfied. I will fight back always. And I’ll gladly fight on a much bigger scale, in confronting our broken down culture.

[@BigButtPaperWings]

i'm having phases in my life (not sure for how long, but it must be more than 20 years) when i'm dreaming about people being in my room/apartment watching me when i'm in bed and it drives me crazy and makes me paranoid! these phases last for weeks or months and suddenly disappear... at the moment it's fine but i really wonder how it's possible to solve that issue...

[@ancientsprout]

Can it have something to do with you not having the personal space that you need at times? Where you give a lot of yourself to others, and dont have enough time for yourself? I dont know. But since the bed is a very personal space, and a place associated with relaxation and recreation, and your dream is about that place being watched/voliated. Could be something like that.

[@JYoung-nq1ty]

Another great video. Please don't stop! Your insights are amazing and very helpful.

[@Ursaminor31]

I hear you. Thank you. I would always get sick every time I would go ‘home’. My back would seize and I’d get a cold. Those people are not in my life anymore.

[@Cecilialiu07]

Me too. A few years ago Every time before and after I would go “home” to meet my parents, I would get “sick”, in a way that I would have no other symptoms except for a crazy running nose. I figured there should be so much tears to cry out yet I wasn’t allowing that grief at the time. So my body acted out. It got better after I started to grieve my pain.

[@marionoschelmuller1718]

Daniel, I´m not sure if you are interested in what I have seen, when you talk about that last dream you haven´t figured out yet, but just in case: For one: Your posture somewhat collapses and I can sense a pain in the mid of your back (I can just sense such things, call me crazy). You become angry, there´s something about that event that made you angry, your micro expressions are very clear about that. Also note how you are guessing what age you were and (I believe deep down you know) you pause and emphasize at "two years old". Also my gut says there´s something with emotional abandonment or even physical involved, but my lense is blurr concerning that as I have lots of abandonment wounds...

[@willd6215]

Can't believe you confronted him. Well done

[@nalissolus9213]

I rarely remember my dreams anymore, maybe related to my overall numbness.

[@BarbaraMerryGeng]

Nalis Solus / I’m reading Pete Walker’s book on the subject of C-ptsd. It’s about how children develop a cluster of disorders as a defense mechanism against childhood abuse .. I got it on Amazon less than $20. ~ Also, Richard Grannon has videos on this topic as well. Best wishes on a road to self discovery 🤗

[@island661]

You're lucky.

[@monmanon572]

i stopped having colorfull dreams and remembering them when I started full time 9-5pm job and had very structure stiff routine. And it wasnt bad at all. but i have reocurring nightmares since i live alone :) it is intresting

[@pod9363]

Maybe you’ve figured it out now but dreams only really start getting vivid once you start trying to dig for and process trauma.

[@matthewjoy2784]

Great Video! Please make one on how to deal with unhealthy work cultures. How do you deal with toxic people that you cant escape?

[@BarbaraMerryGeng]

Matthew Joy / Check out Pete Walkers book on complex PTSD. Also, look at Richard Grannon’s you tube videos. ~ Nothing is by accident, IMO. If you are in a certain situation, there is great opportunity for learning & growth. 🌱🙋🏻‍♀️⛲️🌞 Everything is here to help you.. Look at the situation with new eyes. .😉

[@tnt01]

Yes, I would love a video on this as well.

[@johnmiller4050]

@@BarbaraMerryGeng Okay, what does I.M.O. mean?

[@nikkibaxter5550]

Mathew joy, I have found that when we analyse the things we are facing and how.it makes us feel inside, it usually is repeating the feelings we have been ignoring. The pattern repeating itself out but in a different setting with different people, but who act of behave in a manner that some one in our last after and made us feel that same feeling. How can you escape a toxic environment at work. Being in a family unit as a child is like.work, we.have to work out what mood the people around us are going to be in, work out how to live in a toxic environment until we get older and are able to get away from those toxic people. But some times we get stuck, as when we shut down we were.supposed to start ourselves back up, switch ourselves back on when adults. If we feel stuck it could be to do with the child who felt stuck in their enviroment, not being able to escape. As adults we can escape , we choose to.stay at a place that's toxic because we are.scared what will.happen if we leave. No money, no job. Yet it we stay we are allowing ourselves.to.he filled with toxicity again. some times we are placed in these same scenarios, so we can address past issues in the present. We can say "no" I do not except that treatment, where we children we were to frightened to voice our feelings. We can say enough I am outbid here. Where as a child we could not just get up and go. Patterns only repeat because we ignore the opportunity to rectify our past hurts when an opportunity arises. Is he child.within needs us to stand up and the that voice that they never had. By us standing up and respecting ourselves and not accepting toxic treatment of others around us, we are helpings child.within to confront their fears, enabling inner growth. Writing down the actuall.things the people and how it's make you feel, could help you find the root of the real issue that presenting itself in your work place?

[@nikkibaxter5550]

Mathew joy, I have found that when we analyse the things we are facing and how.it makes us feel inside, it usually is repeating the feelings we have been ignoring. The pattern repeating itself out but in a different setting with different people, but who act of behave in a manner that some one in our last after and made us feel that same feeling. How can you escape a toxic environment at work. Being in a family unit as a child is like.work, we.have to work out what mood the people around us are going to be in, work out how to live in a toxic environment until we get older and are able to get away from those toxic people. But some times we get stuck, as when we shut down we were.supposed to start ourselves back up, switch ourselves back on when adults. If we feel stuck it could be to do with the child who felt stuck in their enviroment, not being able to escape. As adults we can escape , we choose to.stay at a place that's toxic because we are.scared what will.happen if we leave. No money, no job. Yet it we stay we are allowing ourselves.to.he filled with toxicity again. some times we are placed in these same scenarios, so we can address past issues in the present. We can say "no" I do not except that treatment, where we children we were to frightened to voice our feelings. We can say enough I am outbid here. Where as a child we could not just get up and go. Patterns only repeat because we ignore the opportunity to rectify our past hurts when an opportunity arises. Is he child.within needs us to stand up and the that voice that they never had. By us standing up and respecting ourselves and not accepting toxic treatment of others around us, we are helpings child.within to confront their fears, enabling inner growth. Writing down the actuall.things the people and how it's make you feel, could help you find the root of the real issue that presenting itself in your work place?

[@lilyghassemzadeh]

Daniel, some people are just more vulnerable and deeply affected by small incidents. I am just like you. Maybe the wiring of our brains is different... I don't know. For years I attributed my sensitivity to my childhood and my parents' fights. The I met a wonderful man and we got married. We were so fit for each other that we never fought. I gave my daughter unconditional love and respect. She is now 17, and guess what, as vulnerable and sensitive as I was. Now, at 47, I'm thinking that maybe my parents were not to blame in the first place. Perhaps some aspects of our psyches are just hereditary.

[@miguelinaortizburgos]

Maybe you don't need to go back to those places that you dream of and reconnect to those people that appear in your dreams because that could actually do more damage to your own personal growth. Maybe your band teacher didn't mean to hurt you, much less leave a five-year scar on you because of a minor incident. You saw that as a major incident, but he might've seen it as minor. All you did by talking to him was calm your own anxiety, not solve a major issue. Maybe another kid of the same age would have seen it as minor as well. How do you decide what's traumatic or not, what's major or minor if each head is its own world? From my personal experience, sometimes you just can't physically reconnect so you have to let your mind go of those things. And even if you can reconnect, I personally find it more benefitial to learn how to keep living without trying to fix things in the past. All along, life just keeps going by. P.S. I like to watch your videos but dont usually comment on them. I just felt the need to say something this time. Would love to hear what you think if you're willing to share or respond to my comment.

[@jessaddison9942]

I wouldn't think the band teacher thought it was a major incident or that he "meant" to hurt Daniel particularly. It was a thoughtless way of dealing with Daniel to get what he wanted that didn't consider the perspective of the kid he was manipulating at all - but that's kind of the point. I do agree you can't always "make" people understand or "get" what they have done (even if they're still around to reconnect with), so it is not helpful to think that you need that as part of healing from whatever incident affected you (and, yes, it may not have affected another child at all). But I think it is important to honour the part of yourself that suffered the wound, as it were, and part of healing can be taking a direction and actions that show it is being respected and valued and that appropriate boundaries are being enforced on its behalf as you go forward with life. Standing up and lobbying for its interests goes a long way to doing that, regardless of what the external reaction to that is. Part of internal resolution can be proving (even to yourself) that you're willing to stand up and say, "That is not okay [with me]" from here on in. Maybe you prove that in the way you handle similar life situations that organically arise from now on. Maybe you can build that trust in yourself without a practical demonstration. But certainly, standing up to the original perpertrator (whether it impacts him or not) is one obvious way of taking that bull by the horns. With the added side benefit that it might have an impact that will benefit others. But that doesn't matter for the purpose of proving to "little Daniel" that you've got his back on this (if you get what I mean). So it really is about you, not them. Similarly, what constitutes "trauma" or something "major" or "minor" is an individual thing, and what is traumatic to one may indeed not be to another, but there is no need to rate it against some external barometer of "oh, but was this bad enough to be considered trauma? What does a third party think?" That is not the measure. Nor is healing trauma all about getting caught up in who is to blame and thinking they must be the ones to fix it. I am sensing perhaps(?) you think you need to hit some benchmark to make it "okay" to say to someone, "This behaviour is not okay with me"? But if so, I would encourage you to think on that. What is so bad about that, even if the behaviour is objectively "minor"? Take it to an extreme: if I am absolutely firm that I do not want milk to ever end up in my coffee, as long as I am not abusive in the way that is put across, what is the big deal anyway? The coffee server thinks I'm a bit irrational, maybe, but either they stop serving me coffee, respect my desire to only be served dairy-free coffee, or they decide what I want doesn't matter because they don't think I deserve to have coffee served the way they like it, so they impose white coffee on me anyway. Someone who is capable of respecting boundaries will be okay with the fact that you want your coffee black, even if they don't understand why (they likely wouldn't be thrilled if you went on a rampage about why they never should have served it white in the first place, but no one needs to do that to establish a boundary). I appreciate in this instance Daniel is also saying, "I don't want you serving coffee like that to anyone else either," so there is a bit of a judgment call on whether that is acceptable coffee serving behaviour as rated against an objective standard - perhaps we could compare this to "you serve it too hot and it burns young mouths" where he, as an expert (therapist) who knows the dangers of overly hot coffee may feel confident in having a certainty about why it ought never be served by an adult to a child - but the reason I put this forward as an example is your queries are the ones I often see coming from people who haven't been raised with the best boundaries themselves and feel like being treated the way they want, or in a way that does not cause trauma to them, may not be "deserved". It can be important to consider that, actually, you have the right to say, "You know what? I only drink my coffee black. Please don't put milk in it anymore". And other people have the right to say, "Well, that's not how I make coffee, so I won't be serving you any more". This is key, because if you had a traumatic incident relating to, say, someone forcefeeding you milk when you were three, you might find you don't really need the world to be free of cows for you to feel safe as an adult. You might just need to trust your ability to say, "No dairy for me, thanks," and to walk away from relationships where that won't be respected. (I know your question was addressed to Daniel, and not me, and I hope you don't think my essay of a response was therefore out of line, but they are my thoughts. Feel free to discard if you don't feel like they're applicable or relevant to your comment :) ).

[@matilda4406]

MO, by the reaction of the teacher when he was confronted, to me it means the teacher did learn something. It doesn't matter if it's major or minor, you have to do whatever you have to do. Have guts, have glory.

[@miguelinaortizburgos]

@@jessaddison9942 Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. I appreciate your thoughts on this. I was not raised in America, and therefore my worldviews tend to be a little different from yours especially when it comes to things like therapy and traumas. Where I was raised it was a common phrase to say "well, kid, if you phased the dark side of the world first, good for you cause you learned your life lesson early enough to phase the world with more strength." People actually kind of praised traumas where I grew up. They also used to say whenever a child fell down "no worries, that will make you grow" haha. I just grew up looking at the good part of whatever bad thing happened to me. You know the saying, "what doesnt kill you makes you strong." I find a lot of truth in that. Now, when I moved to the US, I went to a liberal arts school for a few years. I noticed people talking a lot about mental health, healing, struggles, traumas, etc. I myself started to see all my past and childhood as a trauma. I saw myself as a victim and not a warrior anymore. I even ended going to therapy for consolation, which wasnt helpful at all. This was one of the reasons that brought me to Daniel's channel. I wanted to understand the other side better and Daniel tends to address that in a very thoughtful way. Either way, after so many years it still saddens me that there as so many young people in this country that have all the reasons to live and still dont want to live. And there are so many others from where I grew up that have no reason to live at all and still have so much life inside. I still tend to support the "warrior" ideology that I grew up with because it really has been what's gotten me through all the struggles in my life.

[@jessaddison9942]

Thank you for explaining, Miguelina :). One of the things it might help to know (if you don’t already) is that part of what defines trauma is that it is overwhelming to the individual’s coping ability. Which is why it isn’t just related to the incident - it’s related to the ability to cope with it. So to use the metaphor of training a muscle - if you keep piling on the “adversity” (weight) in a regulated and controlled way, you will strengthen the muscle (similar to that “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” adage). But if you overload the muscle with a weight far too heavy for it, or when you are overtrained or undernourished, it may tear. That doesn’t mean it has to be a negative outcome though. If you got lumped with a weight that was too heavy for you at the time, and it caused you an injury, you might have to do some rehabilitation work on it, but if you do, you can come back stronger than ever, and now, if you encounter a great weight again, you’ll be capable of lifting it without hurting yourself (or others). It doesn’t mean we have to have a victim mentality either. Acknowledging, “Yeah, that was a bit rough, and I tore a muscle there,” doesn’t make you helpless. It means you can address the injury and rehabilitate it properly (and maybe you can finally stop guarding that muscle when using it). It also doesn’t negate the fact that, despite it being rough, you survived it. You're still in charge of the program here! To refer to the warrior mentality - an athlete with a warrior mentality might win his team the grand final despite pulling a hamstring halfway through, and we might find that greatly admirable, but if he’s got an off-season, he would do well to address that injury because he’s going to play the game better in the long run. It doesn't make him weak to acknowledge that it happened. And the thing is, most of our major traumatic impacts happened in earlier years (when our coping skills were less), so guess what - we’ve been surviving all this time with them, and here we still are. Acknowledging them just means we might get to play the game even better than we have been :). Whether it's flashbacks, nightmares, self-sabotaging coping behaviours - the idea is there is some kind of side-effect from that trauma that surpassed our coping threshold at the time, and once we can process it, we can lose the negative side effects. Or that's my short version explanation, anyway :). Personally, I think there is real strength in a warrior who admits to injuries and vulnerabilities (but doesn't see why that should get in the way of his warrior-ing :) ). We can't address what we don't acknowledge. I think there is room for us to be compassionate and strong and brave all at the same time. At least, that's my goal :).

[@miguelinaortizburgos]

@@jessaddison9942 Thanks again for the thoughtful explanation and the great metaphors (they really do help understand the problem better). (:

[@not2tees]

Good for you, Daniel. You are my model for establishing my own point of view. I hope you didn't psychologically damage those Dingos!

[@TheGregcawthorne]

Just a guess, but maybe if you had this feel of men breaking into your bedroom etc, maybe once you felt fear from the music teacher your acted differently towards him and it kinda played off you too. Yes maybe the teacher should make the effort, but if he was just ignoring you maybe he felt you were ignoring him. You'd hope teachers would have more empathy than that though! On the same note, some people see college as trying to model the real world a bit more than lower years. It's unclear when and how much by the pastoral care should stop! Although you'd hope basic empathy would never stop.

[@TheGregcawthorne]

Nice video!

[@christinebadostain6887]

Sooo YES!

[@theoriginsofwarinchildabus6014]

Have you read any of Aletha Solters books? I would love to hear your assessment.

[@sketch-x4412]

Any A Verbal Equinox fans here that keep getting this video in their recommended?

[@rainbeau9752]

oh my god oh my god. i haven’t slept right in years my mind is so broken this video spoke to me my god i hope i can be fixed soon because it’s affecting my whole life and i don’t want 17:49 17:49 to die like this i tried totalk to my father twice. He shut me me down. I’ve internalize it all now I see.

[@BelindaTOV]

This makes me think of the zebra story. I think of the fight or flight, indoors were cornered by these things but outside we're not.... so, being outside were free and more able to flee from these "dangers". Ive always had lots of problems sleeping and need earplugs, eye mask and have an air purifier next to my head for noise that blocks all out. Now, i took a full size ole chevy van and camperized it for travel and simply for getting outside more. I sleep like a baby and feel safer in there than anywhere ive been in 40 years. The feeling of being trapped, cornered, suffocated and unable to flee would make anyone worse. So, your time traveling.... that deep breath sigh you get when youre off on a vacation. :)

[@cg1492]

Interesting video. My mother passed away in 1998 when I was 18 years old. That's when my night terrors began. They're always about a man trying to kill me. I never grieved my mother's passing and seem to have blocked most memories from the time she was diagnosed with cancer to shortly after her passing. I'm working to try and recall them because I feel there's a connection to my depression issues.

[@breakingfree7244]

It's truly uncanny how similar your experiences are to mine. I've slept in some weird places too, like outside on the grass in some random neighborhood. Truth be told, I didn't get any sleep - I didn't have a tent or anything and it was raining. I cringe when I recall this, because the people in those neighborhoods would've hated me no doubt (as they should). I don't recommend that anyone do this - I had no right/business doing that. I think I really wanted to go camping - no one ever took me camping before. Just to experience sleeping in nature, under the stars you know? And I'll be honest, I was hoping during those times that some family would adopt me - a family who does more fun things than mine. I'm curious to know if anyone else has done something stupid like that? Anyway, that's not the only story you've told that I relate to. I've had teachers/teachers assistants treat me that way too, giving me the silent treatment. I also relate to that video where you talked about getting punched in the stomach by that girl in school.

[@daisy7066]

Goes to show it's not always therapy that's needed at all but action in the real world.... therapists take heed.

[@daisy7066]

I think you encountered a kind of traditional "Male" insensitivity & lack of awareness... something I have come up against with alarming regularity, often exposed during Covid restrictions! So you confronted the issue thank God.

[@TheSickbublegum]

omg this is not easy, btw thanks for your content

[@nightsky8012]

As a sensitive person, I can relate to what you say. I mean, relate a lot.

[@AbrahamLure]

Thank you so much. I've had lifelong daily nightmares that my mum was trying to kill me. They only disappeared after she passed away. Now my dreams she is in them but things are happy and relaxed. I get to relive out my childhood I never got to have in my dreams. I still get anxiety dreams about roomates hurting me (they never would, just a fear of my room getting broken into as my mum would do that all the time). I sleep on the floor against my door and I don't get as many nightmares - so much of my abuse happened in bedrooms and on beds. So much violation of personal space. When I really can't feel safe, I will go outside to a park and nap during the day under trees. Your part about strangers being far kinder than parents really spoke to me.

[@nikkibaxter5550]

I had many nightmares as a child, a lot of vampires, and several recurring dreams, one in particular deciding dream stopped when I left home at seventeen. Although I never forgot it. I dreamt I was in a room that was round, all along the round room from top to bottom of the round walls were books, I was in the middle of the room, aware I was.slightly off the floor, whether in a.chair or just hovering I can't be sure. I have a closed book in my hands, and I am.saying the Lords prayer out loud, the words would just flow out of my mouth with no hindrance, then in front of me a huge black mass came through the books on the wall and began to move towards me. I panicked and was they my to repeat the prayer I had just moments before was flowing from my mouth. No I couldn't speak, fear.gripped.me, I was stuttering, and forgetting the words, I opened up the book in my hands, I was looking for the words to speak but could not find them, as.I rushed through each page.of the book I looked up and the black mass got nearer and nearer, then I would wake up. My analyse of this dream years later was that the room represented my life, the circle of life, the books represented the inner knowledge, maybe the experiences, each book.representing a part of portion of my expereinces? I found it weird I would be reciting the Lords.prayer, seeing I was not brought up in a home that was religious,.or.went to church. As.children we used to take ourselves that to the local church on easter, to see if we.would get any chocolate, which was very rarely seen in our home. Which I might add I don't think was bad thing knowing the destructive effects of too much sugar in the body. Is he black mass I am assuming was my mother, who was and is still very shut down, her actions towards.me filled.me.with fear on a.daily basis. And as I loved her I could not face the fact that she did not love me, so I created a vampire or a black mass to replace her. Is he black mass wws.preventing me from expressing myself, not only verbally but emotionally, mentally. I grew up having "dyslexia" Body I do feel is down to the shutting down of the heart, the light and spirit within. And building up.a wall of defence around me, nothing gets in nothing gets out. Apart from the auto pilot responses of anger and fear. Reading the Lords.Prayer could be me trying to find some kind of protection for myself? As.an adult I have read the scriptures, I wanted to see what all the fuss was aboit, having gone down the "New age" route for a few.years and finding it lacking, in the "self help books." Department. As well as.a lot of strange and supernatural scary encounters which left physical marks on my body? I thought about the alien phenomena, and how it maybe related to the individual feeling alienated in this.world they find them selves in? But my experiences with this.phenomenon would have to say that may not be the case. Unless our thoughts and fears can literally be manifested into marks on the physical body? I would also point out that the childhood home did also have some type of paranormal activity, and the main food spot was my mother's bedroom, I did have a lot of attacks.by the unseen in that home as a.child, so the black mass maybe was not my mother but some thing lurking in the property. All I know is that dream stopped reacurring when I left that home.

[@zane62135]

Lol the fact that you went back to confront your band teacher about his "silent treatment" episode is both brave and hilarious. I bet the look on his face was priceless.

[@ms.anonymousinformer242]

I had something traumatic happen to me involving my boundaries and the boundaries of my entire family being crossed in a huge way. As a law abiding citizen,I has flaw enforcement come raid my home in 2017 but my husband refuses to make any attempts to sell the house. Even though he knows we need to move away from this area. Because when Im in this house physically I e experience ptsd and crippling unmotivated feelings unable to get up and want to do anything like a deep depression and fear of being taken away and caged for a long time for things I didn't do. No I have no guilty conscious. Its knowing how corrupt the government and flaw enforcement really are. That they can come in and steal your stuff and if you don't have the finaicnail means or way to seek judtice your screwed. I know I have ptsd and its creating problems that don't need to be problems if we would just move. So Im having to move out on my own as soon as possible.

[@shereekidson9323]

I have read up on traumatic experiences like these and the experts say give it a year... You have given longer. It's terribly painful being reminded everyday like this and a house can trigger traumas.

[@johnreeves3876]

When you described his reaction to you quitting the band in some ways it sounded like a reaction to someone leaving a family or tribe. I think growing up in NYC I learned quickly that not all people have humanity and treat other people like humans. This might contribute to my perspective of those events where had I been you, I would have accepted his abuse and agreed with his treatment as I broke our connection of my own volition. That the normal pre-connection status that people relate to each other is indifference to their existence. My perspective being that I would see your attempts at making him apologize for his actions by using your negative emotions and experience as weak and in the wrong. That the problem is with you giving him power over your emotions by caring about him and then on top of that to not play by his rules. Those being my inner emotions where had I been in your teachers position I would have brushed it off and given a fake apology to get you away from me. These videos help me put my point of view in perspective and that it is not a static and unchanging thing, rather something that can be changed to better serve myself the people I care about and the regular person.