I was the youngest. Brutally scapegoated. Wasn't allowed to make friends. My mother would talk at me about apparently my father being raped as a child. I had to play golf with my dad every weekend. I didn't make any friends. I never wanted to play golf. My father wanted to show everyone how perfect he was. If i ever expressed an opinion that didn't align with theirs I would be punished. My mother used to touch my penis on a regular basis. My father punched me in the face one time so hard that i was knocked clean out. I must have been 15 years old. They taught my sister to treat me like crap. They basically destroyed my mental state for absolutely no gain whatsoever. Years later when i tried to bring light to this they acted as if i had invented everything. I am now no contact and have been for years. I'm going for an autism test soon. I'm 38. I don't know if i was like this when i was younger. All i can remember is the abuse. I can't remember anything else about my childhood.

Im 21 years old guy. Ive been introverted throw school the sht i went throw and not wanting to fit in . I fell into absurdity now I struggle with it everything doesnt make sense to me why im like that. Now i want to be extroverted like a wave of awareness hitted me. I want to go out make friends. Get a gf have a goal. It turned a curse on me this days. Cause i cant do it. The freinds i had i left them on purpose now its like im begging to get back to them. Everyday a feeling gets me to do more but i dont know how to start. This world is just absurd to me. I think of dying it gives me relief

We need more impressions

Do you think KZbin can be THE tool to give the average person therapeutic tools?

Thank you for this. It’s like an author … I like to know about the author similar to a therapist. That is my conflict.

I envision a world where our education system provides students with the therapeutic tools that make bad lives good and good lives better. A stretch I know but I’ll die happy knowing I at least tried to do this.

My parents did this to me. I was expected to just accept all their labelling. Sensitive, defensive, "angry".... the irony is that my mother doesn't recognise her passive aggression as anger. But any attempt to be heard (through communication) is "aggression" and is shut down instantly. They give me the silent treatment or the cold shoulder, but also deny it. They never contact me. Im no use unless I am that screen. I feel more like a spittoon than a screen.

Read Homo Sapians by Yuval Noah Harari. It touches up on what you said. In addition, look up George Carlin's stand up on Extreme human behaviors and how we polluted this world and gave our lives to primitive superstitions, money and man itself. And religion along with above all others things really poisons everything.

Money. Its too damn hard to get a job that can sustain you in this economy.

3:32 everyone thinks they like you because they like how you look. But they don’t even give a damn about who you actually are. They just want the pretty bird.

I don't necessarily dislike children. I dislike the fact that a lot of people who have children expect others to think every annoying or disruptive thing their child does is cute.

Tho thing is more lonely than being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you.

I think it's also important to realize it doesn't always have to be black+white, e.g. my parents are in my life or they're out completely. I have no doubt that many people do need to make the definitive decision to cut out their family of origin, but sometimes what's needed are simply better boundaries and space. I think it's fantastic when anyone can make the right decision for their situation.

I was saved by cutting off. They essentially would have preferred my soul death while being eternally dependent on them rather than allowing me to become an autonomous and by my mere presence and growing awareness forcing them to see anything...

I found betrayal to be a heavy burden. One parent would constantly force their idea of what i should do… And when i chose a career they were in, they put ideas in mu head that i was not ready until i finish school. This was completely untrue. When i did graduate they did nothing to help, and i did not know how to ask for help. Over time, as i look back, i saw a lot of simulation of help and giving me erroneous info… All in a career i did not consciously choose. I finally got a job after military service, on my own. It took another 15 years to stsrt realizing the betrayal of pretending to be caring/loyal/having my interest in mind and not even remotely living up to the image.

Is it safe to quit lithium?

"Normal" is being unconditional to a family who was abusively toxic to us..because its the only family we'll ever have....smh

What would Jesus say?

Welp i’m 23 and never been in a true relationship. At least I’ve experienced multiple kisses though! That’s probably as good as i’m gonna get it considering i’m pretty small in the downstairs area and that automatically lowers my self esteem by 100%. I guess God wants me to die a virgin haha. Waiting for the nukes or something to end it at this point.

I would live to have kids bud sadly ive come to realize that this world is too cruel and beyond insane for me to even begin to fantasize that thought. Why would I want these hellish, almost demonic experiences and traumas to be experienced by a completely pure and new soul? It just sounds maniacal to me. Call me a bad person but I don’t think it will ever happen unless we figure out some sort of utopian reality where all of our needs are met.

At home as a teenager, I was often isolated. Urgh I was bullied by my step mother and no one stood up for me.

Daniel, you are decribing it so well it's on point, it just makes click. Very profound "episode" of the Daniel Mackler Psychology Show ;)

Another reason people don't break off from their parents sooner(if they ever do) is also when they fear they won't survive on their own, both financially and emotionally. When you're constantly discouraged, humiliated and belittled, your confidence goes down and you find it more challenging to actually break off.

There’s some people where childhood trauma isn’t always the cause and I do think it’s a brain disorder because there’s people who get brain injuries and get bipolar

being ''morally battered'' produces the same ''somatic'' Effects than being ''bodily battered'', that is to say, ''if anyone has the own 'Legs' broken, he, she can impossibly 'escape' especially, 'run away' even, from the 'pathological or, that causes Suffering' Situation'', and moreover, ''everyone expect that, which is 'divinely ordained' that is to say, 'to be loved' by the own Parents'' in Case that one is a Child, a Son or a Daughter, (then one becomes ''a Spouse'' then a ''Mother, a Father'' and eventually, a ''Grandmother, Grandfather'' and ''mutual Love'' is expected toward, and from, other ''Individuals'', as it is ''innately, divinely'' ordained), and every ''25 Years'' there is a ''generational Change'' that is to say, with ''25'' one may already be a ''Spouse or a Parent'' and is expected not to be a ''Child, Son, Daughter'' anymore, and, if the ''divine Culture'' is forgotten, then also these ''Phases'' are forgotten, neglected and this is of ''no Help'' for Individuals, for them to ''grow up'', and ''emancipate themselves'', ''escape'' from past Conditions, Situations: whenever one is ''grown older'', one may ''observe the past Condition'' and ''criticize'' it, more ''accurately'' (whenever one is ''directly'' and totally, emotionally, rationally, generatively, bodily, involved in a given ''Situation, Context'', it is more difficult for the ''Individual'' to ''see 'Things' clearly'', despite one may be a ''Genius'', and ''see'' Things clearly anyway and yet, if oneself is subjected to ''abusive Environments'', the own ''Genius'' may only enable himself, herself to be ''furtherly harassed'', because he, she is considered a ''Problem'', the own ''Criticism'' a ''Disturbance'' that needs to be ''removed'', ''scolded'', even ''tortured'', and even ''institutionalized''). ''Salvation, Wellbeing'' for everyone, simultaneously.

There are some absolutely physical disadvantages that others don’t think of - large breasts mean back pain, but others think they are “great assets”.

he's so real for that

If you look at JP’s face over the years, you will notice that his eyes have acquired the squinting look, because he has been attacked almost daily. He has gotten tougher and less forgiving and that is reflected in his writing.

My father died when I was 12. It was a suicide. I was left alone with my mom. I broke away in my late 20's/early 30's. Which I think is average. I struggled, as I went away to college, struggled in adult relationships, as you said, because of the patterns of behavior that were learned. Unlike my friends from healthier family systems, who moved through life rather smoothly, I was a classic case of failure to launch. I was stumbling over my own two feet. I lacked real life skills, and so I wasn't able to find a job that paid enough so that I could move out, or cheap rent. Which made it harder to break away. Whole portions of my personality that never grew and developed. Unnurtured, unnourished. I've left a trail of destruction behind me. When I was a real little girl, things weren't so bad, but as time went on, my parents became too absorbed in their own problems and pain to parent me.

“Learn the Lesson…Break the Curse”. If one’s soul does agree to come back here, at least it will not come back to repeat the same trauma.

If it's just the tip it doesnt count right?

My mom smoked pot with me before school from jr. high on. I never blamed her or questioned it until my son got to that age and I suddenly realized I would never do that to him. Wtf mom!! I held back how hurt I was. I didn't blame her, but I asked her one day never to smoke with him . She was shocked! " I would never do that!" I had to tell her thats how old I was . She's still never acknowledged anything. She never knew I was a child. I just learned the meaning of the term enmeshment about 2 years ago. I'm trying to parent myself now. Hard!!

Why are they always talking about childhood? What if my childhood was happy and all the bad things happened after that?

Are the expectations you created about your parents not also a source of conflict with them? I managed to give them a place in my life, not a big place but a place a healthy amount of distance. They do not impact my mental well being now. A lot of us look at our parents as more than human, or simply without flaws as they are our point of reference. I also believe that you should be thankful for all the people in your life cause good or bad they helped shape us and if you are a in a good spot in your life, that is thanks to them despite perhaps their efforts to sabotage you.

Former scapegoat here. I left my entire family in Canada and went to South America as I had been studying spanish for 4 years. I was always looking for ways to escape and didn't even know it. No they will not change, they will not take responsibility and the abuse gets worse if one goes back and if it doesn't, it just means they are manipulating better that it is not recognizable. I had to delete, block and end relationships with extended family and even friends back at home that were tied to the narrative they had created and needed to protect with their life.. Its a painful road but its only way to preserve oneself it feels like... The more we distance and the more we see things with objective eyes and not emotions, we see that basically what they were doing to us was criminal

And of course children never do any harm to their parents!

All these estranged kids better be the perfect parent...or live their lives childless.

I am a Greek andi can tell you that if u are a Greek is almost impossible to get away from the grip of your family ...even if you live in the other side of the world ....sadly

Being serious. I have recognized that there was a reason my foster parents who abused me. Even the father. I have not forgiven him. He never asked. He never repented. However, i told God I will not testify against him. He had emotional abuse. Reason, not excuse. Foster Parents were really bad.

You are a courageous being Daniel. I agree with you. For a long time I have come across practising Buddhists and spiritual people who frightened me with their distance from what is going on with our world. It has been popular to be an environmentalist but to speak up against the injustices in prisons, poverty, how people are ostracised from society, the mentally ill is so not cool and so spiritual people pretend its not happening. There was a documentary about the Gaza strip before this war, this kind of desperate transitional living for people who were stuck, but the international community relished the publicity of releasing a tiger. I do think you have pioneered how to self enquire into where the traumas have been barriers to your natural spirit and maybe it is possible for others to do that same process in a less isolated way, say in groups or communities where the dismantling is more normalised and supported than what you experienced. I think there are also therapies such as crystal sound healing that can assist in dislodging some of that deitrus held in the body that wern't available and I think the exposed understanding of the dynamics of the narcissism of patriarchy can make it easier to see what you had to explore with a pick and shovel. It is really the only option if humanity is to stop revolving around incessant cycles of war, abuse and poverty. We are blessed that you share so much of your experiences and thoughts. Thank you

I'd like to know more about the parts of us that didn't get to develop

I never choose to seperate from my parents, situations dictated that happen, given their behaviours. However as part of healing work, i came to appreciate that, when i left home and move (and i was still talking to them), something in my inner world knew i had to get the hell away as far as possible...a wisdom unknown to the conscious part of me

Daniel, you are like a prophet. Almost nobody is talking about this. The importance of Those first 5 years of life cannot be underestimated. They are everything. But our culture refuses to acknowledge it. Parents remain sacrosanct. I hope one day this changes.

Hell is being isolated, but then feeling even more isolated when you try to connect with people. Damned if you do damned if you don't.

Hallelujah, Daniel. Deny it to survive it.

OMG I think we have the same parents! Thank you so much for telling the truth so clearly! you help me.

Excellent point that unhappiness is a symptom of dis-ease. And how actively looking for happiness is oft times masking the symptom. Happiness as a goal to strive for is ridiculous. Happiness is a natural result of being neurally integrated.

Interesting to see which comments got hidden. I can’t reply to them now. It was good feedback for Daniel but alas, discussion hidden. 😕

Hope is what keeps us tied. Hope that they might see the error of their ways and, at least, acknowledge what they did was wrong. Hope that they apologise, so, you can start healing. Hope that they change, so, you can have a meaningful connection with them. Hope that they finally accept you as you are and love you as you need to be loved. Some lack the intelligence/ mental capacity for self-reflection. Some know exactly what hurt they caused yet insist that they did nothing wrong and you are the problem. Some apologise and pretend to change to keep you hooked and, therefore, coming back for more abuse. People reveal themselves by their patterns of behaviour. Take heed, grieve what will never be, cut your losses and move on with your life.

Daniel, as soon as I see a new video from you, I click on it and give it a thumbs up. Your insights and calm wisdom always soothes my soul. I didn't finally get away ftom my parents until my mid 40's. I'm 52 now because it meant moving on from siblings too. They are thoroughly codependent and brainwashed against me. I was so naive to think they weren't. Once I realized the extent of my narcissist mothers lies and backstabbing it became clear there was no love in our family. Only hate and jealousy. The family had become an outward reflection of her dark soul. I'm not religous at all but one day I swear I saw a demonic visage flash across her face when i called her out on things she was hurting my sister on. It scared the crap out of me and in that moment i realized that pure evil exists in the world. Time to get out and benefits to no contact have been enormous. No more crutches in my life such as alcohol, antidepressants, nicotine. Just me and my clear consciousness knowing i had given it my all but now realizing that sometimes things are far beyond your control or ability to influence.