It’s weird seeing how many adults “boast” about having children. They’ve mostly procreated for wholly selfish reasons, and they’re sometimes awful parents but it gives them status and they act like they’re doing the rest of us a big favour. In the UK there are sometimes financial incentives as well - access to social housing, benefits, not needing to work for several years etc.

Parents like this make it hard too follow the golden rule. How do kids honor respect their parents when their parents don’t give them something to respect

God Daniel thank you so much for being my emotional mirror, you helped me take back the relationship had with myself. I broke free from an abusive relationship the week I started taking up journaling (after you recommended doing so in a video) saved my life

Shift work, it is just not possible to have a regular sleep pattern. They have no choice.

Listening to this way past bedtime 🤯. I think I possibly need 9 hours a night in bed resting.

lol how do I read my own character?

My confrontation is not for me. Ive healed from the lack of love and constant invalidation. Its for them. To give them one last chance to acknowledge and take accountability for their actions. Id theres not change, i will be happy to go on with life without them. If they can do that for themselves, i will be happy for them, and perhaps help them reignite family relationships they've sabotaged.

You posted this topic just in time

Oof. This one hit a bit hard.

I agree

True :)

Hi Daniel, First i want to thank you for this channel. Your videos help me a lot. Its maybe a bit of topic, but i want to share my story. When i was 3 years old, the child care system came to us and they ripped me out of my mothers hands. My father had already left 2 years before. My mother died a few months later. They brought me and my sister into a new family, where i grew up with 7 other kids. My "new mother" was narcissistic and very hard on me. I never could do anything right. I was very rebellious. I think i was fighting to keep a part of myself. Im 38 now and went on travelling for the last 9 month. I met a woman and started a relationship with her. During the relationship i was confronted with all the feelings of my past. Fear of abandonment, feelings of unworthyness and much more. The relationship ended 2 month ago and i felt like i was in a state of shock. The energies that came up felt overwhelming at times and i felt like i was dying. I still suffer the breakup and for the last 2 month i cried almost every day. Its like so many things i had surpressed are coming to the surface and for the first time in my life i cry over the death of my mother and i cry for the little boy inside of myself who had to go through so much difficulties. It is painful to face all this and most of the time im in a dark place. I hope this process will contribute to my healing in the end. When i was younger and i told my story to people i couldnt connect to it. It was like it happened to someone else. Now, during this process it becomes my story more and more. Thank you for everything you do and for your courage to speak on these difficult topics.

A lot of teen rebellion seems like its just trying to fit in with other teens to try to get love from them when they couldnt get it frok their parents.

It's crazy to think that teenagers are at a stage in where they are formulating an identity, personality, and standing up for their values, only for some parents to misconstrue this for being "bad" and "evil" rather than supporting the process of developing. It is like parents all of a sudden forget their experience of their teenage life. Parents were once teenagers, but teenagers have yet to be adults. It is on the adults to relate to the teenager and try to understand where they are coming from rather than shame them and shut them down.

Thank you very much for this,you helped me so much! Wishing you all the love and health!

Tea bag programming...another way the cult of denial & cognitive dissonance casts its wicked spell. Love your message & channel Daniel.

So true Daniel. Thank you for this.

Thank u danial

I am not a child fan. I had two boys and lost one to cancer when he was 7. Don’t know if that has anything to do with it or not however I remember not wanting to babysit as a young woman Period!! Honestly I remember struggling to connect to both my children after they were born, it’s just been the last few years that I can honestly openly admit this without filling same as a woman that there’s something severely broken within me, Although there is something Seriously wrong with me. Not being protected as a child myself may have something to do with it I was molested by my uncle when I was 6 to 9. I do have anger towards my parents, I don’t know why the hell they brought me into this world to not protect me and then not to believe me. I don’t care what other people say anymore about me being broken because I don’t want to do the damage to another human being that was done to me.

"It's confusing to make real friends when you don't know how to be a real self." That hit close to home, there was a time when having a personality/self was so uncomfortable for me that it hurt. I told myself that living for others was easier and I wished I didn't have to be my own person. It's relieving to know that I am not alone.

defense of rebel teens vid. Your words are music to my ears. I am raising a son with my ex. I totally agree that once a parent understands their trauma and toxic family origin and once the inner child gets intergrated into the adult psyche, the generational trauma and abuse dissolves. I also believe that staying in the present moment is crucial. My son is 13 and is just getting into the teenage years. thank you for this video.

it was always funny to me, the expression: A rebel without a cause. oh, dear stupid selfish people, please talk less.. There is no cause? There is not just what you said Daniel, childhood trauma and parents poisoning you with this historic evil transmitting itself trough family lines, but also, there are countless causes for being a rebel everywhere in society, in our relationship to nature and the planet, our relationship to each other, to people from poor countries, to plants, to animals, to spirituality,... if you are not a rebel, you are selfish..

What a full of love and embracing kindness video. Thank You.

F U psyquackery!!!!!!! 🤬

Thank you very much 🙏

I’m so glad to have come across this song, It’s comforting.

Also when I used to rebel when I was younger it was need to distance myself from family and their hateful system how it was a intellectually dead system non respectful to me when I got my first apartment now with my girlfriend after leaving with no money at first I felt scared but you have strength in self it will be innate so never bite your tongue be a tree rooted firmly in the ground with fruits of wisdom to give to others keep these videos up

I want to make a friend like you Daniel. Someday! Regarding the topic of the video, I think there is a "youth rebellion industrial complex" nowadays where there are these pre-arranged channels for rebellion which institutions and corporations promote and capitalize upon at the expense of families. The rebellion of naïve and vulnerable teenagers gets channeled into these sort of sanitized pathways that are ultimately approved-of by the culture at large, if not by the parents of the rebel in question. This wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing in itself, but when there's a profit incentive to encourage children to rebel against their parents using marketing and group psychology, a pernicious cultural phenomenon can take over. And often, the kids who are targeted by the adults behind these pseudo-organic, half-fabricated trends are encouraged to find something to be angry about within their family system in order to have a chance of fitting-in with the broader culture, even where they might not have much to complain about in the first place. "Teen angst" becomes fashionable and there's a kind of "arms race" between teens trying to strike the most convincing pose of disaffection, brooding, pessimism, or righteous indignation. When this cultural dynamic grows to the point of cannibalizing healthy (or even basically functional) family systems on a massive scale, you can say it's an unhealthy trend. An easy example along this line is the lineage of music deriving from original "rock n roll," now including the entire range of "pop" genres from hip hop to electronic and so on, which was once a highly rebellious and threatening subculture but which has now been practically absorbed by the mainstream and turned into an extractive, corporate/industrial, depersonalized, bleak landscape of dead-souled adults going through the motions, where there's a practically seasonal cycle of new teenagers who get picked up by the industry, chewed up and spit out after having engaged in the various dangerous habits and activities associated with subcultures of rebellion, all while mature and cynical abusers extract what they can from the dynamic. There are a number of other cultural phenomena that match this pattern, in my view, especially worryingly in medical fads and the field of clinical psychiatry. I have no problem with rebellion and individuality per se, but when they come at the expense of healthy family-centric culture and when the "individuality" becomes a rote shibboleth, repeated ad-infinitum in innumerable identical cases, I have my doubts. I say this as a former troubled teen who is still largely in intellectual rebellion against many societal sacred cows.

I need help

Listening to the Truth gives me Joy, thank you X

Rebellious teens are 100% a *product* of our culture, society, and parenting. They're not a bug. They're a 100% inherent *feature* of these. Nothing more. Nothing less. The culture creates separate worlds for children/teens. The culture actually mints the mold of the "rebel" teen in entertainment and advertising. Parents/society don't respect them on the basic level as just living beings, human beings. Parents/society divides them against themselves psych-emotionally. Parents/society also abuses them and takes their power while abusing their own power over children/teens. They're property for parents. They're "students" to teachers. They're sources of income for business. They're conquests for religion. They're soldiers for the government. They're votes and money for politicians... We put forth the greatest effort as parents, society, culture, religion to ensure they have no working understanding of their bodies, minds, culture, and society. Instead we feed them lies, myths, propaganda, and ignorance. You can "survive" as an adult/by conforming. You will *never* truly live that way. Your life has a great chance of falling apart. If it does, there's a chance of finding a clear understanding of yourself/life/world... and there's a good chance it will be a difficult process. Otherwise, you'll be an intensely hell raising, hell feeding, selfish, self (true self) and other-hating devil till the reaper comes. They damn well should rebel.

Man I couldn't agree more.. I have to question the health of a teenager who is _not_ rebelling. But also it's such a great point that the real rebellion is looking inward and challenging your upbringing and telling the truth about yourself and the family (and society at large). I think that's actually what most teenage rebellion is rooted in, but it's usually acted out in unhealthy ways. Could we imagine a society that encouraged kids to rebel in these healthy ways, even though they undermine adult power systems? We have a lot of growing to do as a society.

I’ve been in a very deep trauma healing process for a year now. When I’m deep in grief I cry so hard that I start vomitting and it feels exactly like I’m vomitting the poison of the trauma. It’s interesting to hear you also describe this process (maybe more like metaphorical vomitting).

I rebelled till I couldn't anymore. The closer I became to physical adulthood. The more I realized I had to submit, in order to survive. Cause I knew I was not prepared enough to survive on my own. My mom tried to force me out of the house at age 14. Saying all the boys in the family move out of the mother's homes at that age and how I better do the same. She tried to force me to get a job. But I was not old enough. She put me out at 16. All of my older cousins and uncles were able to move out early in the teens because they were hustling on the streets. I chose not to go in that direction. But my mom tried to force me. All of my older male cousins of my 3 aunts were sent to live with uncle Charlie. The older brother of my mom and aunts. He taught them the ropes of how to work the streets. Starting between the ages of 14 and 16.. they all have spent over half of their life behind bars. I'm the only male of that family, that I know of, who hasn't been locked up. I'm now 40. I'm learning how to survive on my own. Still difficult. Haven't found compatible support. Tobe more of an infusion. Still attract people who are more like them. I much rather be alone than settle for another shallow relationship with anyone.

Doesn't everything said here also apply to a person with NPD?

Thanks Daniel didn't expect a Tuesday upload. But it was a pleasant surprise 🎉

Inspiring and motivating, thank you. This felt like the acceptance and understanding I so yearned for but never got from my parents.

Probably the worst result by far of parents and society wanting to control "wayward" teens is the "troubled teen industry!" All kinds of stories of terrible abuse and inhumane living conditions.

I didnt rebel apart from to object to being picked on by a twisted uncle and not get any validation for my feelings. It did have an effect later on in life which i worked through in counselling and my parents apologised for not stopping the behaviour of the uncle. I was the good girl apart from that and i was a bit closed off from my feelings yet had a wisdom too. In retrospect hated my school though. My sister did masses of rebelling but it didnt do her much good later married to an abusive partner and now divorced. So...id say if your parents let you be you and let you develop your mindset and they respect you, which mine did, then you start a foundation of self esteem that can see you through. I recently discovered my sisters partner was abusive to her before she got married and she still went ahead and only divorced 2 years ago after over 20 years of discord. So i think it depends on personality clashes or harmonies between parents and children. I didnt need to rebel but my sister did. Yet i lead the way in the end living with my future partner before marriage at a time it wasnt mainstream, with my sister following, and me and my partner are still together. Rebel if you need to is my conclusion in building a sense of self if its not working with particular parents.

This is refreshing to hear! :)

Dr. Meg Jay says rebelling or 'acting out' can be a cry for help actually. And also it's common for resilient people to go through an unhealthy phase and get back on track.

If "they did the best they could" is a valid defence for parents, its an even more valid defence for children. That is children are even more doing the best they can, given that they are growing and learning and know nothing. So If the parents really believe that "doing the best they could" was a valid defence, they would not have punished their children, because they were equally doing the best they could, and the parents could have seen that they were doing the best they could, and forgiven them. But parents do punish their children for making mistakes or doing something the parents dont like, so the parents obviously dont think that "We did the best we could" is a valid defence. Its just an excuse to get out of any responsibility.

When is it rebellion and when is it individualization? Like, I grew a beard in my 20s which my father hated. And sure, back then I didn't have the slightest idea of who I was or what I wanted, but I didn't grow a beard to spite my dad, and I'm still rocking it 10+ years now. I think anyone who would classify this as rebellious behavior would be doing me an injustice.

💯! Every time I've consulted a psychotherapist, everything became so much worse and then they'd each try to add something extra/different to it by shoveling more sh*t on to me. With one exception when i saw a therapist who would "cut the crap". So 28 yrs of CBT and IDK how many different shrinks...and one was alright. How's that for "evidence based". Thank you for speaking up, Daniel. I appreciate your strong stance..and you have the credentials (that the world likes to see) to back it up. When i say something, it's "just another crazy person talking" and perhaps "psychosis", ha.

during your podcast, why don't you cover adult autism and how they can handle it in a better way that helps them to handle the situation

My relationships are better now

Love u

They'll use your rebelliousness or going against the grain as a further reason to scapegoat you and the troubled teen industry benefits off parents like this

This is spot on. I highly recommend anyone look into the trouble teen industry. Which is sort of a network of concentration camps. I have a video on it on my channel.

I didn't rebel much in my teenage years, not in the standard way I guess. However in my young adult years yeah I both rebelled and stood up for myself against my parents. I frankly barely give a shit about them now.