What is flirting, and how to do it?

In this video, I break down a few key ingredients of flirting: implicit attraction, playfulness, and teasing. This is for those of you who said you have no idea how to even flirt!
Intro music: Church of 8 Wheels by Otis McDonald

[@AnaPsychology]

I am SO excited to announce that I've launched a 4+ hour relationship skills course: psychologywithdrana.learnworlds.com/course/the-connection-course For those of you who like videos such as this one and want more, definitely check it out :)

[@mingus445_gaming]

Honestly, I think you don't need it. Just be someone of resolute character, and if a friend is someone you find attractive both in character and spirit (and physically attractive) then communicate your interest with 100% of you owning it. Just say "yes, I am attracted to you" I don't think it has to be any more complicated than that.

[@killman369547]

I actually don't think everyone has an innate understanding of flirting. As someone with aspergers flirting is literally an alien concept to me. Like trying to decipher an alien language from a civilization that died a billion years ago.

[@mingus445_gaming]

@@killman369547 only if you're dealing with npc ahh people

[@mandyfrade3047]

@@killman369547being in a relationship with someone else who is asd is great! It is nerve wracking but you can just say these things ‘I love your style’ pick out something in their outfit. ‘You have beautiful eyes’ ‘I’m really interested in you/you’re really interesting’ ‘Can I hold your hand?’ ‘can I kiss you?’ being blunt is hot asf and font forget other person is also nervous! and a great first date is go to a park and bring a picnic blanket, a cooler with grapes cheese n crackers plus a bottle of wine to share. She’ll swoon!

[@Invisibility397]

Watch Icelandic dating and how that is done

[@michelbergeron3354]

Flirting is communicating your attraction with plausible deniability

[@Starmast3rmusic]

You got a point 😏

[@Pacolad]

Most concise definition I’ve ever read

[@ID_Kevin]

Getting the “plausible deniability” is the hard part

[@maverickmarcellana4249]

Plausible deniability? What are you? The government?

[@mr.someone5679]

​@@allisthemoist2244no its not, wtf are you on about?

[@terciofelipeoliveirafrance2228]

Sometimes I feel everybody received a book on "how to be human", but I didn't.

[@dickiewongtk]

Hear, hear!

[@charlie-jd3ls]

i’m autistic i get it you’ll find common friends and love, don’t give up i know it’s hard

[@aidancarlisle5078]

SAME

[@bgregz]

oof. you worded that nicely

[@sam7559]

Someone forgot to download the human software for me and I have to figure out how to manually code it

[@stayhappylittlemermaid]

Try a thing you haven't done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not.

[@steff420]

Thanks for the inspiration 🙏 After the second time drinking and driving i realised i liked it :)

[@roni4138]

Heroine.

[@sunbae-nim]

Guess I'll give crystal meth another go!!

[@sirsurnamethefirstofhisnam7986]

@@sunbae-nimive got 2 free attempts left then!

[@sirsurnamethefirstofhisnam7986]

If flirting could be mastered from only trying 3 times none of us would be so bad at it😂

[@pennryan970]

I once flirted with a girl in high school and took the teasing too far, eventually hitting on a genuine insecurity of hers. It's often hard to see how someone you're into would be insecure because they appear so attractive to you. Thanks for the advice. Lovely video

[@Analysis_Paralysis]

I think Ana's advice is very subjective. I'm not into teasing at all and I wouldn't enjoy being teased, especially if it's not done in a very loving and cute way.

[@EGO.BReAKERR]

​@@Analysis_ParalysisYeah that's called teasing, but the degree varies between people to people and how much they know + like you

[@arkoarko9559]

​@@Analysis_ParalysisTeasing IS done in a loving and caring way.....I think the word you're looking for is BULLYING 😬

[@paperblank7094]

SAME😢😢😢😢😢

[@biswajeet9826]

Yup!! The worst thing is that when it backfires on you!!

[@Lazerecho]

"I feel like flirting is one of those behaviors we all have an inherent understanding of"....riiiight

[@Slamazzar]

Yeah, it must be veeeery deeply inherent.

[@ryansharp9550]

frfr

[@bttfish]

The question is: what inhibits our instinct to flirt properly?

[@user-jz7vp7kg1u]

I wish

[@tomdaniels9075]

Said the person who has a perfect understanding of it.

[@daniel_the_trader3481]

start complimenting people in your day to day, it’s hard but it’ll help you be more fluid when interacting with someone you’re attracted to and want to banter with. It’s helped me. Hope this little advice helps someone out there. Just remember no one knows what they’re doing so don’t put some much pressure on yourself.

[@mobill95]

Plus the people in your life deserve to be complimented whether or not you're attracted to them ❤

[@marcuslipton148]

I can confirm

[@jonnemopola7245]

I’ve been doing this for a long time naturally, and I can confirm it has helped me

[@Rick_Cleland]

My life has been a complete and total misery ever since Bigfoot stole my precious girlfriend in the middle of the night. 😒 He even took all her clothes and the T.V. 😔

[@MichaelTurner856]

I already do that so that's good

[@davie0235]

KZbin reccomending me this video for the 50th time because I have no rizz 💀

[@Hollowed2wiz]

And sadly it wasn't helpful at all

[@alexfrank7924]

😂😂😂

[@MJ.The.Scholar]

Same 😭

[@blodhgarm7854]

Same 💀

[@solokalnesaltam3015]

4:14 "...it's more exciting to leave things unspoken than it is to flat out say it, leaving your attraction implicit..." Ah yes, the bane of my existence as someone who's always been terrible at registering indirect communication lol Informative video as always!

[@chickensalad3535]

As a neurodivergent girl, one of the hottest things a suitor can do is be blunt.

[@samuelboczek1834]

@@chickensalad3535 I honestly have no idea how neurotypical people are navigating relationships. I had people interact with me where I was 100% sure they are flirting and when I asked I was told I took it the wrong way. Then when I told my other neurotypical friends about this they said that they too would 100% took it as flirting. And why would you flirt with a person if you were not interested in them? If you are doing it for fun then you are just playing with their emotions, that is not fun.

[@Hitchclif]

Real. I tend to overexplain or verbally state my feelings in case I'm not doing a good job expressing it

[@Lassie747]

More exciting for who? Direct communication is attractive. Flirting/leaving things unspoken is a horrible part of navigating mate-seeking interactions. Save it for once mutual attraction has already been established. E.g. in a relationship.

[@azazelsantiago6874]

In my own case is even worse, due to a different childhood I had to develop a special sense for indirect communication, im a master of body language and "vibes", to almost everyone im incredible charming and affable but the price was too big, it overloads my mind and I ended up as an logically emotional paradox, I can't flirt or communicate my own feelings, so I am too direct and blunt towards atracttion, which is really ugly and unatractive for the oposite sex, so yeah, im so charming to everyone but the person that I like, that is making me more depressed amd do worse, how can i change tht? Therapy maybe 🥲

[@omarperchov6411]

''Just have fun'' is the best advice I have gotten so far in my life

[@MarcoJimenez-xn3qq]

one way or the other, if I were to "just have fun", I'd be imprisoned right now.

[@-brownbread]

​@@MarcoJimenez-xn3qq that sounds like you have issues

[@harmoniousandtranquilhannah]

My mom gave me the best advice. I’m autistic and very awkward with flirting. I’m telling you that you don’t have to do the extra flirting to try to manipulate someone into liking you. Just be you. She believes that flirting comes off as desperate. Approaching crushes calmly and just showing interest in them can melt their heart like that. If they like you, they will say anything and want to keep it going in order to lock you down. If they seem distant, excuse yourself from them nicely and do something else. You stand out from other people that are friendly flirting with them by being fully present with them that goes way beyond their looks. You get to know each other on a way more profound level than innocent touching and winks. Asking them a series of questions makes them feel cared for and likely develop feelings for you. Your crush will likely ask you out bc you’re not putting all that pressure and desperate energy into them. I’ve had guys like me which was always because I wasn’t so focused on getting their attention and looking up advice on flirting. When you let go, that is when love finds you.

[@jaypeterson1324]

Wow… this is amazing. I myself am also autistic and it was always weird hearing people explain flirting in ways that didn’t make sense, especially since a lot of my expression is logical and I have a hard time comprehending some emotions. This really helped spell it out, thank you so much!

[@harmoniousandtranquilhannah]

@@jaypeterson1324 Ofc Jaden! I’m glad this helped you. I wish you luck on trying this out with your love interests :)

[@Analysis_Paralysis]

I'm not autistic, but I'm traumatized and I don't like flirting at all. I don't mind being affectionate with someone that I like and letting them know, in subtle ways, that I care for them or letting them know, in a very direct way, that I'm attracted to them, but... Apart from that, I don't like folks who flirt with everyone and anyone, and who see it as a pastime. Something they engage in, regularly and compulsively, when they're bored out of their mind or bored with their empty lives. I don't take people like that seriously and I avoid them. I only show affection to someone who I really like, not to every random person just to get their attention or mess with their feelings. I find that shallow and egotistical... Seems like autistic people are naturally more my tribe because they're very genuine! :)

[@hgriff14]

Im not diagnosed but Im pretty sure I have some traits. What my mom told me in high school is that I shouldn’t date because I should worry about school and now she wonders why I struggle to talk to people.

[@nataliamusicals]

@@hgriff14😅

[@FabledAllOut]

I watched this expecting to learn how to flirt with my wife. Turns out we flirt near constantly and I just didn't have a good understanding of what flirting is. That's very in character. Great video, thank you.

[@CYBER_FunkER]

I'm too autistic for this...

[@redherringoffshoot2341]

lmao aren't we all

[@ty-xq7bl]

be attractive

[@King-rudy]

*acoustic

[@orange2350]

just drink dior sauvage

[@Littlemushroomfangs]

Nonono that’s where you throw the aurizzm in

[@blopartDGRI]

"indirectly making fun AT YOUR OWN ATTRACTION towards them" is a brilliant way to put it and it unlocked something in my mind ! THANK YOU

[@gdaymates431]

The bad thing about flirting is, it can send really mixed signals. I've had it happen recently. It's not the greatest feeling to be on the receiving end and realise that it was never going to amount to anything.

[@clwt4075]

Good to learn that when someone is flirting with you is about just attraction. It's all Just for fun. Can't take it too seriously until the other person shows real intention

[@gdaymates431]

@clwt4075 ok. I generally know the difference. But this recent situation was more complicated. Much harder to read.

[@samuelboczek1834]

@@gdaymates431Like literally same. What is flirty to one person is just being friendly to another. Not being explicit == risking playing with another persons emotions, that is not fun at all!

[@iExploder]

@@clwt4075Making assumptions gets you put in jail.

[@mikelitorous5570]

Yeah some people do it knowing someone is giving them attention and it strengthens their ego and their own perception of themselves

[@user-qe4un8sd6r]

As a person who knew about what flirting is only a year ago, when I turned 27 (to my shame) and still struggles to find a girlfriend, I find this video extremely useful. For sure, it'll take a lot of practice, but at least now I see in which direction I should move. Thank you so much!:)

[@XagonogaX]

Brother, I'm a 27 year old who got into their first (real) relationship just a few months ago :) It does take practice and a lot of pain, self-love, and trust. You'll get there, believe in your hard work!

[@Algo1]

There are no (or very few) 'shoulds' in life.

[@TadanoCandy]

No worries, imo you aren’t even late (first relationship at 26 for me). I don’t know how to flirt or identify flirting, so I used dating apps because that way it’s obvious you match because you’re interested in each other lol

[@everythingpotatoversion1201]

I'm 29 rn... Please tell us when you get a girlfriend ..🙂

[@samkelorashuza5949]

​@@Algo1problem is what isn't a "should" for one is a should for another

[@jmfs3497]

I feel like my boundaries are really high strung. It feels offensive to ask someone on a simple, unconditional date. A woman who works at my optometrist asked me about my staycation, and I mentioned painting and renovating my house, and she said she would be happy to help me paint. I immediately thought it was odd, because I feel like I could be 25 years older than her, but maybe we both look young for our ages. Maybe she likes older men. Maybe she likes to paint! LOL. I don't know. I was too afraid to inquire about it further because I didn't want to hurt anyone or be seen as a creep. It's like I can't reconcile in my brain how to simply invite a person to spend any time together at all without feeling like I'm doing something harmful. The amazing thing is that I have always found reasons that asking people on dates is wrong, no matter the circumstances. We could be the same age and I would avoid the topic. I feel like people project so much on one date, that either it has to become physical quickly, or that they can't be themselves. I don't know. I might be on the autism spectrum. I feel like I communicate well, but don't understand others unless they are very direct.

[@jakenbacon5322]

I can relate so much! But I feel like I am recently on a very good path away from that mindset and becoming more open towards people. So I wanted to share my philosophy with you as an inspiration. Half of it you sort of mentioned already. It is trusting yourself that you don’t have bad intentions- or any intentions for that matter. I mean you know yourself, stop thinking about your intentions. The other half is trusting others that they are well capable of deciding for themselves. Like if you invite someone over and they show up, you did not steal their evening, they decided to spend it with you.

[@gamyp843]

I agree but also if u follow what she says in the video, u basically have to build that flirtatious tension and it involves you risking yourself when u decide to make a move.

[@jmfs3497]

@@gamyp843 yeah. I agree. I think my challenges aren’t with the flirting as much as giving myself permission to relax about flirting and dating in general. I feel like a bad person for some reason. Or I feel scared of being hurt. I need to lighten up about everything. It’s probably a deeper mental health issue.

[@gamyp843]

@@jmfs3497 nah I struggle with that myself. I think it comes out of being a "nice" kid growing up and doing these things feels out of character as if looking and participating in love is a "bad" thing for associating it with bad boys/ people who were better than me at the time. I've come to realize tho, that it's OK to associate these "naughty" behaviors with who I am because everyone in existence is a mixture of good and evil in different ratios. That includes me also. So if I get to puck and choose what " evil " to participate in, looking for love is one I'd pick. It's not evil, but it's helped me accept the action

[@__---__----__---__]

I was dealt similar cards in life.. What jakenbacon5322 said is true, but changing this behavior needs a change of core beliefs (currently constantly seeking evidence for "I am a bad person(?)"). And changing beliefs is simple, but one needs to go about it at a completely unexpected angle. I cannot recommend "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk enough.

[@Amateur_Ambiance]

Flirting used to be trial and error until I realized that I shouldn’t sound desperate and like a creep. I also ONLY flirted with those closest to me and genuine crushes. But there was only one time where I actually decided to make the flirting “absolutely romantic” with this girl I was falling for. We ended up sharing a mutual romantic attraction, but instead of communicating like a proper couple, we KEPT flirting to the point where it got sexual, and that led to our relationship becoming permanently damaged. Hopefully someone sees and takes this advice: BE CAREFUL.

[@AnotherBrownKid]

Her example of flirting was "are you sure you're gonna wear that?" 😩😩

[@lb2696]

That one hurts as a guy when a woman says it.

[@AnotherBrownKid]

@@lb2696 hurts both ways

[@ElTioPental]

​@@lb2696I think a bunch of girls could get that the wrong way very easily. Though I understand where she is trying to go but the wording can come off as passive aggressive with that one

[@EspressoMonkey16]

But it's not negging guys!

[@DrawbackDrawback]

You guys seem to really miss the point. Body language, tone of voice, and the context of your relationship all come into play. The line is delivered in a flirtatious tone to someone the person is already dating. It can be assumed the chemistry is already there, and the partner responds well to this type of humour. You aren't wrong that it could be received poorly. But that's the nature of flirting. It's teasing. There's a fine line between fun teasing and negative teasing, and that line shifts with every person. A good way to think of it is like banter with the boys. You can say some pretty heinous shit as fun banter. It could easily be taken wrong. But you shift your body language, the tone of your voice, and use how well you know the person to make informed gambles. The result? Light banter. Fun teasing. Just without the "wanna bang" ingredient.

[@Thr3leven]

This makes sense as to why I've always hated flirting. As someone who has some form (workin on it) of insecure attatchment, I always read way more into passive flirty behavior than was ever there, and couldnt ever flirt without having something more behind it, due to my often overwhelming desire to not be alone with myself. Thanks!

[@elliotnemeth]

Imma be honest, I've completely overlooked the aspect of "play" when it comes to flirting. It had never occurred to me that it might be fun to flirt with zero expectation, but it makes perfect sense.

[@thechosen1617]

Compliments are a great way to start flirting. You don't need to do it to someone you are attracted to to start. Start off with a friend and tell them "That shirt looks good on you" or "That's a really nice color on you"

[@teiaaxyz9669]

don t forget to be flirty with people you are actually attracted to and maybe want smth with. i ve been hurt so many times by people who only played with me around while i was showing geniune interest and they kept lying.

[@theblueprint2001]

lol i just finished doing that to some girl who wont stop texting me. she obv likes me and she is very attractive but she lives too far away. didnt tell her tho just let it drag out 😂😂😂

[@TheSergio1021]

Sounds like you dont have a dad, brother, uncle, or another male figure give you advice about those guys. And if they did give you advice, you didnt listen.

[@kapsi]

@@TheSergio1021and there's the incel to shit himself

[@michiko_nox]

@@TheSergio1021 males are mostly bad at giving advice

[@TheSergio1021]

@@michiko_nox that's sexist of you to say, but its worse that you dont provide any reason or evidence to suggest that

[@nyko9631]

This is in the top 5 best vids I've seen on KZbin about dating because the info is so well structured,so many channels just say useless information, thanks for being authentic 🙏

[@slabofmadness]

Could You please give titles and authors of some of them?

[@nyko9631]

@@slabofmadness do you mean some of the useless information videos?

[@JediWebSurf]

@@nyko9631 lol

[@jasonfunderburker7425]

would you mind sharing the other vids from your top 5?

[@charlie-jd3ls]

sounds like flirting would basically be masking for me cause i’m not good with double meanings and playful jokes like that. i’m autistic so it would be hard for me to stay within those rules of flirting how you described it. i would just flat out say what i mean.

[@Green-rp6br]

Don’t overthink it, I’m autistic too and you can try to learn to do this, if not then that’s ok as there are many lovely people who will still want the same thing as you,

[@obosuck]

I would focus on the "play" aspect of it. Infodumping is a form of flirting and some people just sit there smiling in joy when they get someone else passionately info dumping. I really liked her advice of roleplaying a forest nymph, since dressing up as james bond and roleplaying how he would do it sounds so fun... OMG MY ADHD BRAIN, I NEED TO DO THIS NOW. I also wouldn't focus too much on the "be indirect." Indirect is better, but people I have flirted with respond just fine to "I think you are cute and wanted to meet you!" There is still plenty of mystery around "what are they going to do next?!" even when being direct like that. "checking them out" is more playful/flirty, but authenticity is more important, so if you need someone who responds well to infodumping I would just give yourself permission to do it once with every person you want to date and see how they respond to it. The most common expected type of flirting that she is talking about (teasing innuendo, etc.) isn't my default, it's far more flirty for me to just go full adhd glee when I get them talking about themselves. "Models: Attractions through honesty" is the book I like the most, it calls it "Polarizing". It's strategy is that as long as you are escalating (starting at 0), respecting boundaries, and being authentic you are doing it right. Personally the 12 stages of physical intimacy did a lot for me as it makes a little game of moving up through all the steps and watching their reactions.

[@thinginground5179]

Can’t go wrong if you be yourself. Flirting is either your thing or it isn’t

[@dickiewongtk]

Communication is a skill. Every skill can be learnt and performed even if you are not naturally good at it or hated it.

[@javierperezmerino9457]

Just having fun is actually the best advice i have ever received in 25 years of my life

[@atomsk_arson]

I love Bram Stoker's Dracula(1992) so much. Espescially how while Keanu Reeves is stuggling to put on a british accent Anthony Hopkins, the most British man in the movie, is doing an over the top German accent.

[@TachyBunker]

Lol i love the megadrive's game version, sick soundtrack.

[@xunqianbaidu6917]

Keanu's accent in that movie still gives me psychic damage.

[@AnaPsychology]

I love Keanu Reeves but his performance in Dracula was sooo funny😂

[@izzyash2031]

​@@xunqianbaidu6917it's so bad 😂 he's still a babe tho

[@brandonmai6278]

I'm just here to say that flirting is so much fun, especially if you have no expectations. It makes me feel good about myself and it makes them feel good about themselves (assuming reciprocation of course)

[@kuningaskolassas4720]

I think it would've been more helpful if you gave examples of flirting before you're in a relationship. I feel like it's so much harder to flirt with people you aren't already romantically involved with, and that's what more people struggle with. The focus seemed to be almost entirely on flirting when you're already with them, when that is significantly easier. It's like giving gaming strategies, but only ones that work against the worst players or on the easiest setting.

[@mrg667_88]

so helpful! really realistic and functional definitions for flirting, playfulness, teasing and attraction! have been looking for this kind of understanding and meanings to these words for years!

[@twystic]

People get upset at me because they say that I flirt too much. I didn't know what flirting was until I read this. So, I get it now.

[@bpb210]

The struggle is real for us social anxiety sufferers.

[@Hastenforthedawm]

True. We can learn tho. Unless you're autistic then it's a matter of growing our social skills.

[@LTeeeeeeeee]

Thank you for this! I really love looking at archetypes as a tool to help with flirting. Also, as someone who really enjoys flirting but sometimes stresses about the outcome too much, it is helpful to be reminded that flirting is more concerned with the current moment than it is with the end goal.

[@dickiewongtk]

I never flirt. I did find quite a number of girls attractive, but I usually supress my feeling. I don't know if this is because of emotional immaturaty, autism, social anxiety or something else. I also do not 'play games with people'. I get my fun by riding motorcycle fast and try a lot of different extreme sports, not interacting with people. Talking to people doesn't bring me joy. And I really can't understand how any of the things people normally do such as leaving things unspoken, playing cat and mouse etc... are fun and exciting.

[@WastePlace]

I’m also autistic and don’t understand the whole cat and mouse thing that ppl are into. I have a coworker that always fishes for compliments and tries to flirt with me, and I kinda feel like shit whenever I can’t reciprocate. I’m wondering if a fake it til you make it approach could work but that also seems like I’d just be masking my autism really hard. I have set boundaries with her in the past but she still does it sometimes and I don’t have the heart to rehash things and potentially alienate myself even more, mostly cuz I’m getting along fine with everyone else at my workplace

[@blade7506]

i’m not autistic but i agree

[@FHTV19]

I'm autistic but everything you said is how I feel

[@ThrottleJerk]

Riding motorcycle fast? Amen brother same here. Car, bike, monocycle, whatever it is, going dangerously fast feels more easy and fun than going out and interacting with people

[@mushrifsaidin]

Oh boy you need a lot of personal development work...

[@mav1877]

I think people especially some guys I know prefer more directness in expressing attraction, so flirting is not second nature for them. It takes practice and isn't easy for some personalities.

[@buriedtoodeep1508]

Unless you're flirting with someone suffering from nymphomania, it's about mutual respect and cultivating that. Mostly, good flirtation, elevates the ego and mood of the flirter. as well as the receiver. It's about seeing what languages, verbal, non-verbal, love languages -that you might have in common. Don't do anything but pay a compliment, unless he or she has an inkling of your 'value' as a potential mate and partner. Earn it, then flirt, you'll know, politely, or succeed.

[@BigErrorNo1]

I never thought of flirting this way. Totally get it, life would be so much fun when you play it out. Thank you for such an informative and helpful video.

[@jcnot9712]

I don’t think he embodies the jester, but Zagreus from the game Hades is a decent example of a flirtatious male character. He carries his lax, charming demeanor into every interaction no matter who he’s talking to, especially the love interests. He keeps this attitude up even when against enemies and no matter what mood he’s in, truly doing it for play.

[@theprogressivemichigander6588]

I like the idea of flirting as playing. I've never really been interested in flirting. It's felt almost cowardly in it's indirectness. But thinking of it as verbal play makes me want to try it.

[@SA2004YG]

Just a reminder but flirting isn't just about how to do it but also being in the right mindset for it as well. You gotta be comfortable with yourself and know your limits as well as your likes and dislikes. This may seem obvious for some but a struggle for others. Love yourself first before you try to love others.

[@Watchyourselvez]

Best advice is to feel good about yourself. Have something to be proud of and know that you can do something other people can't. Flirting comes naturally if you know you are the price! 💪💪

[@Slamazzar]

Well said. (Harder to achieve...) And I guess you meant "prize" ;)

[@noliki707]

Best exemple of a jester I can think of is Driss in Intouchable, fits exactly your description and is my favorite character in all of cinema probably.

[@COASTLINES2ALPINES]

I have alot of trauma and the insight on archtypes just helped heal a huge part of me! Thankyou Dr. Ana Youre such a sweetheart 💝

[@JoyFay]

I recently realized people consider me a flirt, but I don’t know how to flirt. If I like someone, I either hold it in or work with on the courage to tell them directly. I think my people pleasing ways gives people the wrong ideas about me.

[@caseyh2115]

Ana everytime I date, I flirt the most once we're together.. I always try to keep the bond strong... though I have ignored red flags and found myself with very wrong people.. I still like to flirt far after we have slept together, just to make them feel wanted always... that said, by tiny changes, my ex-wife of 20 years who is very lovely, we talk everyday.. because I still 'flirt' with her and tease her- but its more of reinforcement of our original bond; build her up, make her laugh, just for that purpose alone.. a sort of 'thank you'... Ana your example is exactly how I rib her, or others I care about. This really does work guys n gals, got let go of your ego but still the love.. Ana is right and precise.. this does work, let go, be you, be whole and be giving.

[@milossavic6901]

Love the video and love the way you've explained flirting in a beautiful way like flirting is something beautiful, fun, and cute, which I agree, it can be. My problem is that if you are not implicit, you can't attract the girl, especially as a guy. I don't like the fact that you can never be explicit and speak what's on your mind, or on your heart, but it has to be implicated and overly, unnecessarily complicated. Also for me, the intimacy part, and having a good time and relationship part is way more fun than implicitly bartering who wants or doesn't want to kiss first, it's like wasting time for me. If both partners want to kiss then kiss! We won't live forever! Also, as I was very reserved and lonely, I didn't inherit the skills of flirting, I think I'm slightly better nowadays (when I have 27 years and never had a gf yet), but still, it's so counter-intuitive thing for me. In every other section of life, you speak your mind what you want, only in this, you have to playfully lie about your feelings back and forth for no reason. Don't get me wrong, I understand it's fun and nice, and I agree with you, it is beautiful to most people because of that tension... but not my cup of tea, and I'm forced to learn this skill.

[@rw5622]

Unfortunately you don't get to choose the rules of society. In our culture, that is the rules of flirting. It's really difficult for some people.

[@samuelboczek1834]

@@rw5622It's cruel :( Reality is, people just like hurting others.

[@everab1209]

I don't think you can speak your mind so casually in your work. I think, not sure, but hiding and being playful with the truth is a necessary skill for business

[@BHBalast]

@@everab1209 Maybye it depends on occupation, in my enginieering work speaking casually about everything including our errors really helps the team to do a good job.

[@latinexus]

Hold the truth with every breath, and the little flirtations become just as truthful as the more intimate things. But just because you are truthful in one instance does not mean you will forgo all other obligations to other things. Flirtation allows for no strings attached. It is inherently less intimate than more intimate relations. I would also advise to not give your heart fully to another person in any instance; always reserve part of your heart for something greater, either yourself, or some other ideal.

[@joshuahummel2858]

Thank you so much for this. This cleared up SO much pain from my last relationship.

[@M0M...]

I love it. The idea of not having an intention and just have fun is great. Also the little mermaid scene is a great thought too!

[@cjc4426]

Couple of tips; There two types of flirting, friendly flirting and sexual intent flirting Flirting only works if both parties are somewhat attracted to each other If the other party gives bland responses to your flirting, stop. He or she doesn’t like you If you want to have sex with the person, you eventually will have to flirt with sexual intent. If he or she responds positively, they want sex also. If not, stop. Flirting is basically teasing, kind like of playful bullying. But both parties do to each other, it’s not a one sided. If you forcing flirting, it’s not flirting. Flirting comes naturally. Flirting is basically the chase. Both parties know what they doing and enjoy the thrill of it. A married party flirt with a single party. He or she is entertaining the idea of cheating and will, depending on the other party. Or might be thinking about divorcing and saving the party they flirting with for a future relationship/booty call.

[@samuelboczek1834]

That is a good advice, flirt with people you know.

[@sam7559]

If you want to have sexual relations with a person what should be the correct path is to directly ask them, not some intensely complicated game of roundabout

[@emmanuelprado]

You gave a good idea of how things go behind the scenes. As an Autistic person, seeing hints is just hard.

[@chocolatedoughnut1305]

Getting into a character is such a good way to make flirting easier, I didn’t even know that’s what I was doing when I started flirting

[@jorgecarlosparramontoya9967]

I think a good male archetype could be Flynn from Tangled, someone who likes to tease and authentic to himself. I think he fits well in the jester archetype

[@andrewjacob1789]

Thanks so much Ana! Really struggle with this. I like how you mentioned there:s no end goal which for me takes the pressure off lol. I've been practicing the rodbt model you talked about last year and I think it'll be interesting to combine the 2. Thanks again so much!!!!

[@TheRandomSpectator]

I appreciate that Casually Explained's video was in the sidebar recommendations for this video.

[@GotMyTowel42]

Try not to be overly rational/logical in emotional moments or when feelings are there. Don't think, but also listen to that little voice of reason in your head telling you to be mindful of your actions, such as safety.

[@yourmutualfriend]

"Flirting is a form of play"...Love it!!

[@milesdeforest3931]

‘Bout to go on a date in 2 days. For me I have a bit of a “Let’s not mess up let’s get the task done.” And I do have to realize to just have fun. When it comes to dating videos I always take them with a grain of salt but this one truly helped me to unlock playfulness.

[@igi108]

how did it end up?

[@milesdeforest3931]

@@igi108 lol she flaked.

[@pedroturcios9591]

Just have fun, you will find what you like and what you don't and also what works and what doesn't for you, enjoy the process

[@FelipeCampelo0]

That’s the most authoritative explanation I have ever witnessed!

[@jeread5193]

Did you mean 'authoritative'?

[@FelipeCampelo0]

@@jeread5193 lol yeah authoritative. Typo.

[@sara_i3635]

i am so confused

[@aaronlc7948]

It’s because flirting is really context dependent, and there’s no real roadmap of exactly how to do it. All anyone can really say is to give compliments and lightly tease and banter with the other person.

[@evanpoon8542]

This is the best video i've watched around the topic of flirting!

[@MarlonOwnsYourCake]

There were a lot of HINTS in this video that my brain is broken but nothing really drove the point home like the Kiss The Girl scene in The Little Mermaid. I've seen that movie dozens of times and that's probably my favorite scene but I did not pay an ounce of attention to what Ariel and Eric were doing besides sitting in a boat. Boring. The main focus for me was Sebastian getting all the animals to make up a song on the fly. THAT was the meat of it. The real draw to the scene. And now, as an adult I don't understand what flirting is but if you want me to make up a song on the fly about any random topic, I got you.

[@TheLordofShell]

I have never flirted on purpose Only hours/days/years later do I realize I was flirting

[@rinkusan978]

I like how ~@3:49 was the most-replayed part. That particular paradoxical teasing was a bit hard to wrap my head around lol

[@TadanoCandy]

Afaik I’m not neurodivergent but I’m unable to “get” any non-literal meaning unless it’s extremely obvious. Like if someone said “I feel as if I’d eaten an elephant”, I’d obviously know it’s an exaggeration because they couldn’t have actually eaten one, but “are you sure you should be wearing that” could be genuine concern so I’d have been like “shit did I choose a bad outfit?”

[@rw5622]

If you aren't neurodivergent then you probably just need to practice recognizing those things.

[@ksalarang]

you're one of the very few psychologists I did actually want to listen to. subscribed

[@whoisgliese]

"Teasing is poking fun at yourself, at your own attraction to the other person" god that makes so much sense

[@oponomo]

Agree with most said, except about the "anticipation" part. That's where i feel like is shaped through personality. I am personaly not aroused by anticipation itself, be it intentionaly manufactured or born from doubt. To me any doubt within behaviours is a mood killer. I like people that are certain, direct and proactive. (guy here)

[@Slamazzar]

Exactly. You want/like something? Express the fking enthusiasm as I do!

[@IceePhoenix]

Watching this video made me feel better, because I was starting to wonder if I was just flirting incorrectly

[@albritz]

I get the point about keep flirting in a relationship, but in the context of meeting someone I have and always had a hard time understanding the relationship between flirting and being understandably stressed and concerned about the results of the interaction (rejection, is this going to work really?). Is flirting to be understood as an initial light phase before the two people start to care, or should one force oneself to be flirtatious even if caring deep down? In any case, because of stress about results, very few single persons consider flirting as the intrinsic pleasure it should be

[@ID_Kevin]

Relatable

[@rw5622]

😢 well what you are describing here is a little bit deeper. It is natural to be scared of the pain of rejection, but when it hinders your social relationships it can be a result of deeper anxiety. Maybe it's time to ask some questions about why you feel so uncomfortable and focused on the outcomes.

[@Em-fz5uh]

Personally I see it this way: When it’s someone knew or you’re unsure of their feelings towards you, flirting is a great way to test the waters. Eg: How do they act when I sit a bit closer to them ? When I touch their arm etc. Whereas when it’s someone you’re dating, it’s a way to tease and emphasize the sexual tension you both know is there. I’d say it’s less subtle than the former.

[@albritz]

@@Em-fz5uh yes, healthy flirting is under explored, there are many subtleties, for example you can flirt jokingly with an old lady where it is just social vibing and there is no ambiguity on either side, but you could use almost the same replies you would use with a girl you are interested in, but not quite, and not with the same tone. A subtle art. A pity on the internet you find a lot of toxic manipulative material and very limited healthy education on this

[@jeffreychandler8418]

@@rw5622 because in this sick world if I face that risk of rejection head on it is unlikely to just be a simple rejection, it will manifest into a smear campaign, loss of friends, community, job, etc.

[@3lipalm3r]

WOW, your the first person I’ve heard talk about flirting in such a way as to say it’s playful… Thanks 🙏🏻

[@DucksUpDogsDownCatsSlide]

I don't really flirt with people and I am completely oblivious whenever it has happened and only find out later.

[@muhammadsallie1447]

'Dr Ana leave out ulterior motives" me: but my existence is driven by ulterior motives.😂

[@eduardocarvalho2517]

Flirting is the war of a glance ❤ In an instant, we see ourselves fixing our eyes on each other’s eyes. Your beauty has spoiled you. Few resist the third second without looking away, without blushing. One second, two seconds. And I keep my posture. I know what I came for. The paused breathing thaws and leaves the mouth slightly open, releasing a sigh. The heart rises. I stand. Three seconds. I feel cold in my arms and heat in my face. All sound stopped. Four seconds that have already dilated into many. If you lose, we both lose. But neither of us surrenders. A sketch of a smile begins to form. The eyes tighten and a different glow alerts us. The smiles open. The last second is complete. Two victors emerge from the war 🎉

[@pradeepdj9631]

I blinked only several times while watching this!

[@asajjbenchpress]

Ohhhh so that's what I've been doing with my girlfriend all this time lol and why she initiates it so much... thanks for the video! Will be doing a lot more now for fun!

[@motherhoodsbeauty9279]

When someone flirt with me I’m thinking like, “wow this guy is so nice”.

[@RyanRyzzo]

*partner breathes wrong at a male aquaintance* BPD: **DOOM MUSIC STARTS PLAYING**

[@wanderingrandomer]

2:42 Ok, but what if flirting isn't fun? It's kinda risky because I don't know how it would be read, and it's stressful because I'm not even sure if I'm doing it or not most of the time. I can dance when nobody is watching, but how do you flirt when nobody is watching? The more I listen to what flirting is, the less fun it sounds. All that stuff from 4:12 onwards just sounds really stressful and not fun at all

[@katherinnicole6483]

I was feeling the same way but this video gave it a funny and inocent turn to the matter. I myself feel guilty after some interactions when I don't know If I passed any boundary(without intention) , I don't know If I appeared flirty when I just wanted them to feel good, is so confusing! And when I do flirt I feel guilty aswell cause I know this ain't going nowhere so why I'm I doing it?

[@user-jr3zr2mp9c]

1.-Try something 2.-see if it works 3.- if not, try something else 4.- if yes try point 1

[@HerveBoisde]

It’s not fun if you’re thinking too much about the outcomes. If it’s just about trying something new and playing with the process then it’s less loaded with pressure and less goal oriented

[@benrex7775]

@@HerveBoisde That's a very good tip. But if you heard of one to many case where a wrong word or action lead to a loss of a job then you can't help but think about the outcome. Of course that statement of mine doesn't apply if you flirt with your wife.

[@johnmarks714]

Well fucking said!

[@sachacendra3187]

As always after learning about flirting I just feel like it's unlearnable ;/

[@mrlucius57]

Jeez ive been doing the opposite of making attraction implicit, thinking it was better...needed this. Thank you!

[@wrightway65]

Thank you! I’m meeting a girl next week and I’ll use these tips

[@JJ-vp3bd]

how did it go and what you do plz tell

[@rapidshot3033]

@@JJ-vp3bdbro folded 😂

[@TuturialCorp3]

@@rapidshot3033 💀

[@daviddziuk-uz8ps]

Hey I was listening to your video and put my leg on my phone accidentally sending a downvote. It says that this was shared with a Creator this is not the case I've changed it to an up vote. I always love your content.

[@mak-mark3429]

This video gave a very eloquent and much needed insight to the once common and now forgotten art of flirting which is the intended way that men and women should interact. It is ment to be fun and not what I see most people do, which is to make over serialized or vulgar comments. Its just sad but this video definitly gave me hope for the other romantics like me out there. Also a male archetype would be Carrey Grant from any of his films (because he pretty much plays the same character lol) or my personal favorite maybe not great but Ferris Bueller

[@MultiSenhor]

I hate flirting, specially when it is inapproriate, but _specially_ when it is appropriate _-(but specially Bart)-_ . I'm not against people flirting though, I'm just _really_ turned off by it, just to be clear. Still interesting to learn about it and hear other people's perspectives nonetheless

[@danielhamby9448]

I have Asperger’s so flirting was a no go, but shaking a pill bottle usually worked

[@houserspeed]

Ana, in your next video would you please teach us your skin smoothing and polishing technique? Please include detailed instructions on how I would pry the barnacles off of my forehead and scrape the crusty stuff off my nose. Thank you! 😇

[@Ohmriginal722]

I feel like all forms of flirting are equivalent to asking them out because they lead to them knowing you are interested and that is all that needs to happen for your relationship with them to change and for them to want to stop hanging out or talking with you

[@IgnemFeram01]

I am almost 28 years old and I still don't understand how flirting isn't creepy or off-putting. What is wrong with proper communication?

[@Em-fz5uh]

It’s because you’re supposed to escalate the level of flirting through your behavior/words. You don’t start with touching them or something more forward. One step at a time.

[@IgnemFeram01]

@@Em-fz5uh I know that. I have never "flirted" with someone who could grasp that or reciprocate it. So how do you get around it?

[@jarredbeesan1195]

@@IgnemFeram01you’re doing it wrong

[@IgnemFeram01]

@@jarredbeesan1195 Yes. Thank you for the advice.

[@cutthroat795]

Stop treating flirting like it’s a foreign concept. Flirting should feel natural and playful. Don’t blame other people for not reciprocating just because you’re not doing it right.

[@gus8310]

Here’s a tip, find out a lot about them and be interested, throw a witty remark here and there but not so often to the point where it feels forced.

[@StickHalo117]

2:40 Wait, people flirt just for fun?? Getting someone’s hopes up for funsies is kind of cruel, isn’t it? 4:13 Wait, people *actually* enjoy that? I find all of that to be exhausting and a huge source of stress & anxiety.

[@tinybatmanname9476]

my brain read “fighting 101” and was very confused at the pictures and the girl in the thumbnail lol. Yea flirting is good, people, no fighting

[@benjaminkober9533]

i just tell them how I like them and thats it. if they turn away i dont want them either. You mentaly perfect people have so unreachable expectations we ill can never reach. so let us in peace with your expectations. I have it hard enough i dont need to make me more effort than I can actually.

[@DrawbackDrawback]

It's okay for people to not want you. That doesn't suddenly mean they have unreasonable expectations.

[@jasperesme9674]

I found you a few years ago I think it was the relationship ratio video I think ? It’s beautiful to see how much your channel has grown !!!

[@michaelhord]

I have the long game flirt. Say something nice to her like its good to see you again, where have you been I've missed seeing you. Really dancing around the thing for weeks or months. Flirt with all the girls. Never focus on just one. Little hand made gifts help too. Never neg. Build them up. " Cute shoes" never fails.

[@thelitspirit8504]

If flirting is deliberate (which is what you are teaching here) than saying there's "No ulterior motive" is an outright falsehood. There's always an ulterior in deliberate flirting, it is to get the other party invested in you sentimentally, preferably more than you would be in them. Spontaneous flirting where motives can be deemed innocent cannot be taught.

[@acflux4017]

Step 1: dont be ugly. Step 1: Failed.

[@Geraet]

Implicity is also an essential element for humor. I feel like flirting might just be humor in the context of sexual attraction.

[@dwithun7728]

The only source on the internet that helped me understand why the f ppl do this weird stuff, which is important and I think now I can implement it XD

[@lainiwakura3741]

The Joker is a great archtypal Jester. He always has this warm smile and you really never know what he's about to do next which gives him a mysterious and dangerous aura!