how our marriage is doing with three kids

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Today we had an open conversation about how our marriage has been doing with three kids. From conflict and identity shifts to intimacy and our journey through marriage counseling, we touched on a lot of topics today we hope you can relate to. It can be difficult to prioritize your marriage and make time for each other when you have little kids but it’s something we’re really passionate about. We hope this episode encourages you to keep choosing each other, no matter how hard the season!
We love you guys,
Shawn and Andrew
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[@b.l.s.4703]

I love how Andrew sees the stages of a woman and puts a respect. Also, I love Shawn's honesty.

[@MarSmiles]

Your perfectionism is part of being an Olympic Gold Medalist Gymnast. It's normal for that to be a part of who you will always be. You're a Champion!! Please, don't apologize for that. I can't believe that your pediatrician didn't diagnose that tongue tie earlier. It's a shame that they let you go 8 to 10 weeks without the solution. The lactation consultant should have also quickly caught it. Your Mama instinct told you something was wrong. You acted exactly the way you should have acted, driven, and focused on finding a solution for your baby to be happy and content. Shawn, you are winning at motherhood!! Every day that your children wake up and smile is a win. The first year with 3 children is new territory. Every day, be kind to yourself and to each other. You will thrive in the chaos of having 3 children under 5. It won't be like it is right now forever.

[@jenloves4260]

I find it so beautiful that you’re both working to do this together and partnering. I do want to say that this is not the MOST special part of life. And I say that because I don’t want anyone to feel once they are past having littles it will never be as special again. It’s different but watching your kid drive away with their drivers license the first time, watching them succeed and even struggle at school at times…it’s all special. Watching them become their own person, learn to advocate for themselves, make their own choices…it’s beautiful. It’s all beautiful. And I wish I could agree with this being the hardest. I had 3 kids under 4….then two more a little later. It’s definitely the hardest in a very unique way. But every other step is equally hard in a new way. I remember thinking I would at least never be as tired…then I had my first teenager plop on my bed at 10:30pm and want to have a deep conversation. Why do they always want to talk late at night? I don’t know. But every stage has its new hard. Which is great because some things become easier and the new challenges grow you in new ways.

[@G1ngerpocalypse]

You two have no idea how close to home this hits for SO many of us fellow parents. My husband and I have absolutely been tested in our marriage through becoming parents. We get it. Sending love from Iowa. ♥️

[@janellmichael2166]

Shawn, I'm so sorry for what you've gone through with your latest pregancy. Post-partum is no joke! But do you think your "performance" as a mother is related to a lifetime of training in gymnastics? Give yourself a break! There is no Olympic medal for being a mom. All you can do is all you can do. Be kinder to yourself. The bottom line is - you love your children to the best of your ability and trust God with the rest. Blessings, Janell

[@erinames7783]

Your open and honest communication between yourselves (and that you share with us) is so inspiring. The way you love honor and support one another is a true gift that you have. Its great to hear that you both want to work on this to keep growing stronger. The kids ARE definitely important but your spouse is just as much or even more so because what they learn from watching you love each other sets the precedence for what a healthy relationship looks like. Your spouse was there first and will be there long after the kids have moved on to their own life and families so its so important not to lose each other in the process of raising kids. I applaud your efforts to teach and guide your listeners with information they may not get to hear from anywhere else. I adore the respect and love you have for one another.

[@leahcravens9615]

I like what you said about it will be figured out. I don’t have kids, but I like learning about family dynamics and structure and how to help kids of my friends. My sister did not have that mind set when she had her daughter 24 years ago. The Heartache they both went though dealing with the father untill he gave up on them and disappeared out his daughters life was hard to watch. He wasn’t willing to play the supportive role knowing all the mother’s time would be focused on the newborn. This story has a happy ending with my brother in law coming into the picture and is a wonderful father/husband. Counseling is a needed thing for most people and not enough people use it at this stage in their life. I like listening to you taking us on your life journeys. I’m learning so much life and family lessons from you both.

[@user-jp4ql3ze6w]

Oh my gosh…. Shawn I have never felt so understood! Your comments on “performance” and “making up for mistakes that seem so detrimental” is exactly how I feel with my family and friends. I don’t have kids yet but I am sure it will be the same with them too. Perfectionism is so hard

[@lorrainejefferson2227]

Thank you for being real and vulnerable, as well as acknowledging how God is leading you in your relationship and family!

[@GumboGam]

Kids are grown and out of the house. I only wish we would have had counseling way back then…… It is the best thing we have done as empty nesters!!

[@serenityhayes8295]

I am so sorry you had to go through that. So glad you got him figured out. You two are so sweet and I love getting a glimpse into your sweet family!

[@jdaasa2011]

Some of the best advice I have been given is to give grace, to others and to yourself. Don't look for the reason to be angry, assume, but give grace. It's hard, but so important.

[@emmafalkenbach6864]

I absolutely love how honest and down to earth you guys are. There’s not much, that I’ve found on KZbin/ Podcasts that actually go into deep conversation, REAL conversations. And want to thank you guys. You’ve helped me get through some tough times in many relationships in my life and I listen as often as I can to keep my mind in a good place and to stay disciplined.

[@brittanyhopkins5385]

I totally understand ALL of your feelings Shawn! I have 4 kids: 17,15,12,10 and I am 40. I loved what you said about the phase being beautiful and hard. I am not sure if this is good news or bad but each phase has its really really hard parts AND beautiful parts. Each phase has been hard on our marriage in a new way. These teen years have been something for sure. It's like God refining us over and over the course of a lifetime. The beautiful part, though, has been working together through each phase. There have been some real real down moments but we keep showing up and so have had some real real up moments too. Good luck, y'all have GOT THIS!!!

[@DoctorJoanieTool]

Really glad you post these on YT as video. I can’t listen to podcasts but love to watch the video.

[@debbieinitaly]

Agree!!! I need to SEE to stay engaged. Thank you.

[@rachelgale2417]

I just wanted to say I appreciate you guys being SO extremely open & honest with viewers and your supporters... You know that this is going to help change so many lives. I'm sure there are so many parents and couples in the exact same boat as you. Thank you so much for sharing this & I am sending your family so much love. Love y'all & will always support The beautiful East family Xx

[@bernicescheffler8421]

One of my favorite open and honest conversation! It’s so relatable. Thanks for sharing.

[@patriciasheehan5734]

Love is a decision- daily❤

[@charlenehayashida5883]

I understand what Shawn is saying about "fixing" Bear. My son did not talk until he was almost 4 1/2 & I was trying to find out why. He's fine but I understand Shawn!!!

[@carolinespina4546]

Oh ok didn’t know I would be crying over here! Probably one of my favorites!! Love the insight on being a parent!

[@karenhamann1666]

This conversation was so humble and beautiful! You are both so wonderful in your transparency and anyone watching this can benefit. Thank you for this. I enjoy watching your family grow with the ups and downs so thank you for showing us who you really are. It’s a gift! 😍

[@sherryhollows5498]

Thanks for being open and honest with us. You never know when someone else is going through the same thing.

[@joannbradley8465]

I am in awe of the depth of feeling and conversation you share but also appreciate the. “Normal” things (arguments and individual shortcomings). Very well rounded. It’s important that people realize a lot of channels show the “highlight reels” of life. Thank you!

[@allyseib4850]

I felt this episode so hard and went through similar things that Shawn went through with my second. My obsession was centered around her eating as she got RSV at a month old and took a bit to recuperate after. She dropped in percentiles and wasn't meeting growth mile stones and wanting to eat as well. I became obsessive about how many oz she was taking and did all the things from Chiro to tongue and lip ties and all the drs. I teared up a bit in this episode because it took me back to those dark times like you were going through and you don't know how submerged you are when you're in it. Also mom guilt is no joke. Rationally you may know one thing but it still doesn't change the guilt you feel. Thanks for sharing what you guys went through. ❤

[@nmejia024]

Wow thank you Andrew and Shawn. I appreciate your openness and honesty. The best episode I’ve seen…you’re helping many people ❤

[@mc1b2004]

Thank you both for your honesty and transparency. My husband and I have been together 24 years and raising 3 kids. We have felt so much of what you are going through. You are doing great!

[@michellezimmerman7827]

It's so good to hear you two addressing these events and emotions that we all experience on our parenting journey. I took my journey 30 years ago and my last baby of 3 had colic. We, too, struggled with all that you talked about but, we didn't work through it the way you did until the emotions snowballed 10 years later. You two are doing well even as tough as it is. Thank you for sharing. I keep telling my daughter and son-in-law to listen to your channel as they are expecting their first baby after 6 years of marriage. She is already working with high emotions as she worries about the changes to come. Hopefully, they'll listen while they settle in with baby Cedar when he comes.

[@heatherruble3177]

I just read a book that talked about the PE program in Naperville, IL. It was the same concept as you talked about at the beginning of this video. Your grade was based off of your heart rate monitor. Such a cool concept. It fostered a love of movement and teamwork at the school in Naperville. It also raised academic scores. Seems like a no-brainer.

[@user-mv2tg8hc8c]

Great point!!!!! What’s more challenging than having a baby, caregiving, and working in a marriage? I’m so glad that you work things out and work together! God bless you!!

[@hannahshell9514]

Absolutely love this! Would also love to hear you both speak on your faith journey 🤍

[@NjBou]

I love the routine thing. It reminds us that it's the little things of respect and affection that matter, not the grand shows of romance. I actually learned this from my In-laws because no matter what happens everyday, they greet one another in the morning and they say goodnight every single night. If anyone leaves, they must say goodbye. If they return, we say hello again. I know it sounds like the smallest thing ever...but we didn't do that growing up and it has been a game changer for my marriage to make sure to do it consistently, no matter what is happening in our lives. I'm doing it with my little kids now and it's helping me learn to cherish them.

[@anniesznajder7070]

Thank you for sharing your truth and hearts in this video. ❤

[@barbkaiser3877]

Thank you for being real!❤😊

[@kristinaarp9144]

I remember my best friend and I being on the phone when our kids were little. Her oldest baby is two years younger her than my son. There were many days where we’d call each other about how freaking hard having babies and toddlers were. She said (through tears), this is so hard, but, I don’t want to wish it away. It was so true! It’s so freaking hard, but, it’s such a short time in all the years you will be a parent. I would be pacing the floor with my son for what felt like hours because it was the only way he’d sleep. I kept telling myself, just enjoy these moments because it will be over so suddenly and without warning. My son is now 15 and I can’t remember the last time I paced the floor trying to keep him comfortable. I don’t remember the last 2AM feeding. I don’t remember the last diaper explosion. All I know is, now, I am 100% my son’s safe place. I’ve been with him through every single phase of his whole life and, there is no moment where he has wished I was there, because, I was. The days are so long, but, the years are incredibly short. It’s hard. You’re exhausted. But, it passes and gets so much better. You guys are doing great. Just keep swimming.

[@vickyarreola1472]

@shawn - I can totally relate as much as I want to be comforting to my children at crucial times (crying bloody murder) it is so hard because I cannot do the crying. As your husband says you want to separate from it and to be honest I find that helpful at times. Step away take a deep breath and shake off that frustration because kids sense when we are frustrated and they don’t find it comforting hence we cannot comfort them. But you are not alone. Our daughter is going to be 4 in June and it is still a lot of learning with family of 5 versus 4 as a family and a marriage especially that our oldest is turned 10 and feels like we are at teenage years already. So it’s been tough on our marriage.

[@cateygosnell2771]

Oh my gosh! I love fitness for life. The school district where my kids go uses it. I wish they would’ve had it when I was younger.

[@lg7429]

So relatable! So sorry you guys had to go through that! I do feel like there is a reason why women/moms feel like they should be able to fix it, because that becomes the driver to finding the solution. It is still hard tho but your kiddos have amazing parents and tou figured it out eventho it was a new situation. We had the same and after the fact it's easier to reconcile. Loved this episode!

[@egbodynutrition5477]

I love you all and this episode so much. It’s so deep, meaningful, and well thought. My husband and I have been looking for counseling and we are going to check out rock house so thank you.

[@KBMac-tu2mg]

Thank you for this

[@janet9500]

My second baby was colicky and after having a very good first baby it was hard! After verbalizing my needs we moved closer to family and that helped me tremendously. Everything was great with our 3rd baby. It’s humbling to not know what to do and coming home was such a relief. I think modern generations don’t realized how important family is in growing a family.

[@allipi8571]

Minute 50 is so important for any relationship and the faith component

[@SueStubbs-hx4rn]

I am in my 31 year of marriage and yes we had a rocky patch 7- 10 years but that was when the children were young but it was because I had to go back to work and felt I was almost doing parenting on my own. After reinventing myself we figured the marriage out. Good friends helped. ❤

[@HelenKertland]

❤ I really enjoy listening to these young married couple episodes

[@gwh2100]

Shawn, Bear’s colic wasn’t your fault. Our first baby was colicky from 2 weeks to 10 weeks, we’ve been there and my mama heart is with you in what you experienced through that. Now we are 5 weeks deep with #2 (18 months after the first) and she is not colicky, and it truly is so peaceful, so I can’t imagine having Drew and Jett then having a colicky baby out of nowhere. Send you & Andrew love and prayers ❤

[@MissingScaffolding]

Love you guys ❤

[@linavalenzuela4651]

Beautiful & real!🙏❤️😭

[@jshauns]

What's funny is my name is Shaun, so you're right at the beginning LOL

[@debbieinitaly]

You 2 break EVERY stereotype of our young ppl today thinking Adulting [no such word] is soooooo hard. It’s called life. So thank you Andrew and Shawn. I’m refreshed with the oodles of hope for this Boomer’s Grands and kids’ generation. Keep telling WHY and How. They seem to think us grey hairs crawled out of a cave w/antiquated wisdom. Much ❤ Much respect 🫡✊🤜

[@katiehartzler11]

When you feel ready, can you talk about the process of advocating for Bear's health needs through all of those different doctors? That would be a super helpful and informative episode!

[@maj6190]

Oh, Sean and Andrew, I feel for you. We were in that confusing and overwhelming place too with a preemie (only child) who hadn't yet developed a sucking reflex, at home with us. I was physically exhausted from pumping breast milk and being unable to sleep. When it all resolved after about two months, I felt human and capable again.

[@ninas4968]

It will all be memories one day and it’ll be missed eventually..❤

[@carissam8260]

The last few podcasts all sound very similiar.

[@M.M435]

It certainly is a tough topic, lots of parts.

[@user-mv2tg8hc8c]

Marriage is great with the right spouse.

[@ninas4968]

I remember those times when my 2 year old was a newborn she’s my 3rd baby and I would dread bedtime because I knew I wasn’t sleeping and she would be crying on and off all night long.. but it went fast and it was temporary and I miss her being tiny.. 😢 but I’m 5 months pregnant now so I will be doing this again hopefully this baby is easier.. 😐🙏🏼❤️

[@johnmossjr1898]

I love how real the two of you are. My question is do you regret having your kids so close together because I think having your kids so close together is taken away from time for you both

[@juliemineau9880]

Counseling is amazing. No shame

[@avblank71]

You are not alone guys. My son and daughter n law same ages as you two had their 3rd March 23rd. The two oldest girls 4 and 2 yrs old were great babies. The 3rd girl has colic and I can see the stress it’s putting on them. I feel so bad and I’m the Grammy. I only had my son and he was an angel so I have had no experience with a collie baby.

[@sammiemeacham1714]

My first baby had severe colic. I tried everything. I actually could not comprehend that if that was normal, why would anyone want more kids. I, then, felt horrible and would beat myself up for feeling that way. It went on for months until an older dr told me to put her on high protein milk, and after one day, I had a different child.

[@kennedykrug28]

Divorce rate is declining because no one can afford that right now. It cost money to divorce and it’s to expensive to have only 1 income.

[@asecmimosas4536]

At 6:20, the word you were looking for was voluminous not voluptuous.

[@ashleye7507]

That was beautifully said being structured is important. You miss out of stuff.. yes.. but I cant thrive ...

[@kelbystewart4325]

I also feel like my November baby was sooo hard to figure out and all I wanted was the same thing. Its been getting better but its really hard for sure.

[@katiekury8656]

My second child had colic and feeding problems for six months.

[@karintelles5802]

I’m not seeing your link you mentioned for biblical counseling.

[@jessicamoyer9512]

Didn’t know the heart rate thing started in iowa. Loved it in high school to learn where my body burns calories best and what it felt like

[@patriciasheehan5734]

Aww ❤

[@Julie-kb3mo]

😬 What until they become young adults !! I have the BEST daughters-- loving, respectful, hardworking... however .... Letting go and allowing them to make choices based on the foundation laid by us parents ... Learning to navigate moods swings ... ugh. 😩 It's ROUGH. Every phase of parenting has its trying times. I would take back the younger years in a heartbeat. (At least for a while, if it were possible) When the kids are more carefree with less responsibilities... This by far is the most challenging time of parenting. They are 21 and 24. Letting go is heart wrenching. 😪 💔

[@asecmimosas4536]

I think counseling is good in phases, and when necessary. But it's very much become a fad. And I don't think it should be perpetual. The two biggest sources of fights in marriages are finances and scheduling. What better way to help a marriage than to introduce a monthly new cost, larger than many car payments, to be scheduled regularly.

[@erins6105]

I think uptick in marriage is also post-covid related

[@juicie25bt]

As a woman myself, I never understood why anyone not just woman blame/think they are a bad mom/person just bcuz they can't fix something?

[@patriciasheehan5734]

Didn’t Bear have a tongue tie?

[@juliahart____]

OMG it was a tongue tie the whole time?! Wow that makes so much sense. I agree - The long crying I can NOT do but my husband takes the lead on things when the crying doesn't seem to end!!! Mamas you are not alone!

[@jordanjackson1332]

Rock house sounds like splankna therapy

[@candaceflores1528]

WHY did it take all of these doctors did not see he was tongue-tied. Why did it take so long??? Thats terrible...❤

[@juliemineau9880]

Divorce is way more difficult and more time consuming than counseling.

[@Julie-kb3mo]

😊 Side note: Shawn, Your voice changes (gets a bit higher/ squeaky) when you're advertising a product/ company. Your 'real' voice is better. 😉 💙

[@toni3866]

As an animal lover, that is sad that children are told animals are here for us to eat 😢💔

[@amyhosp]

Here is part of what the Bible says about eating and where the belief comes from that animals are for us to eat. 29 Then God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you; 30 and to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the sky and to every thing that moves on the earth which has life, I have given every green plant for food"; and it was so. (Genesis 1:29, NASB) Then after the flood God said, 3 Every moving thing that is alive shall be food for you; I give all to you, as I gave the green plant. 4 Only you shall not eat flesh with its life, that is, its blood. (Genesis 9:3, NASB) The meat if the be drained of its blood and there is a way that the animals that we eat are killed that is not painful to them if it is done correctly.

[@GumboGam]

I wonder if those marriage rates are up because of same-sex marriage? 😢

[@asecmimosas4536]

Obergefell was in June 2015, the study time period goes from 2000 to 2022, so Obergefell represents only the last third of the period, which suggests that rates were already in decline when the Obergefell ruling came down.

[@rescueworld836]

Colic is the absolute worst! Honestly that is why I only had one child.

[@reemer14]

Recall that gay marriage has been new, so I wouldn't be surprised if the uptick in marriage is correlated to that as well. Just food for thought! (good nontheless)

[@youcancallmejules]

"other types of counseling amplifies hurt feelings..." that's an incredibly ignorant statement to make.

[@roseycheeks34]

Why are they still making content about the same thing .

[@DoctorJoanieTool]

You don’t need to eat fish.

[@asecmimosas4536]

Fish don't have to eat fish too. It's unfortunate how that works.

[@michellewilson9615]

Thank you guys for sharing your personal story! 🙏🏼🩷 I can relate so much. I appreciate your honesty and being so open. It helps others!

[@yz2538]

How special is Adam 🙃🩵

[@gayleinbody]

Have heard That chiropractic helps newborns with colic!

[@courtneydurham4634]

My youngest had a swallowing disorder where she was silently aspirating that we didn’t diagnose properly until 6 months, definitely understand where Shawn is coming from and it was HARD from a mothers aspect that just wanted to find out what was wrong 🥺🩷