Announcing my new Torture MMORPG.

An absolute god-damn waste of my time. Never again.
Patreon: / valefisk
Twitter: / valefisk
Twitch: www.twitch.com/valefisk
Company of Heroes
Total War: Warhammer II
Crusader Kings III
Crusader Kings II
Democracy 4
Hearts of Iron IV
Hoi4
#pain#gaming#valefisk

[@Valefisk]

im never working on this game again. see you for crypt 2

[@nathaniellazo5912]

BET!!

[@BeeKeeper-]

i love hot dane men

[@thesalsaguy4395]

crypt 2: featuring a new Greg model with slightly more polygons

[@markusreed5447]

It better be Multiplayer

[@robyngwendolynshiloh5277]

Crypt 2 is gonna be a battle Royale, right?

[@sfrinzi429]

Things that happened as soon as I became patreon: -This -Vale enters the chat completely drunk and starts saying inconvenient things -constant cry about CNA and how bad of an idea it is to play it -I "met" a cool polish guy and I started bullying him because he's polish And it's only been a week and an half, gosh I love this community

[@ivgorm9365]

dont forget barotrauma

[@Candybust]

@@ivgorm9365 I LOVE BAROTRAUMA

[@cameronscott9399]

"Inconvenient things"...?

[@dseszu425]

"starts saying inconvenient things" I hope that's intentional cuz that's so much funnier than inappropriate lmao

[@klank9409]

polska gurom

[@StarWarsGirl2011]

finally i can live out my fantasy of being a cylinder in a maze surrounded by many, many other cylinders, all while having a seizure

[@quailish2]

where replies this is gold

[@dascreeb5205]

​@@quailish2 bye.

[@exthalassa]

third reply

[@snowfallsymphonium9450]

Fourth reply

[@quailish2]

@@dascreeb5205 NO

[@Imperial_Slave]

"no more crypt" -vale 2023, lying as natural as he breathed

[@serjent3986]

April fools lol

[@thetruegoldenknight]

And this is why he is Scarlet's mentor.

[@Madoka_The_Witch]

He doesnt though..you think that thing breathes?? HAH!

[@amberc5841]

Sometimes you truly have to ask is Vale torturing us or are we torturing Vale. The answer is both.

[@Cr4z3d]

Sadomasochism

[@motokuchoma]

Its an abusive relationship where both sides are the abuser.

[@xaf15001]

Tactics Ogre Let Us Torture Each Other

[@asterion5145]

It's a symbiotic relationship, we get the joy of him being tortured, he gets the joy of torturing us.

[@Dithernoise]

A true lose lose situation

[@Soulless261]

Only indie game devs know the pain that is implementing multiplayer from nothing.

[@hossdelgado626]

Nah. Fallout 76 devs figured out

[@MrYoyo200]

@@hossdelgado626 Only took the game being out for a few years, but sure.

[@lestevegmbh2637]

Dani was an appropriate example

[@dehtyarUA]

especially when you have to add multiplayer to an already existing "completed" game

[@Eros_Hai]

yep

[@waluigitime5960]

Everyone: haha MMO crypt, great April fool's joke vale Vale: . . . Everyone: it's a joke right? Vale: . . . Everyone: it's a joke right, Vale?

[@EndlessEvelyn]

I was literally begging for this NOT to be a joke as soon as I saw the notification!

[@omeganexuskensai6848]

You know what we need? A Crypt Zombies mode, where it's the one hundred players, and one person as Greg... and as the greg eats people, they become more gregs, allowing for the greg-ageddon

[@GreggoryL]

I was already eaten. Every new Greg gets an extra g at the end of their name.

[@T3kRazor]

and the Gregs can't see the players' lights, only hear their steps

[@saltboi5411]

I would prefer to call it Gregnarok lmao

[@spritemon98]

Yes

[@magiv4205]

@@T3kRazor Proximity voice chat

[@deoyx]

Vale, last night in a drunken state while falling asleep, i came up with the most torturous game ever. I chuckled, thinking of your friends losing their shit, and then promptly passed out. The idea: a powerwasher simulator map of the maze from Crypt. Every wall, floor, and ceiling completely dirty with the hardest dirt to get off. The players only have the beginning power washer and no access to any cleaning fluid.

[@cj-3810]

Janitors of the Crypt

[@roblaaa1845]

We could get him to make a horrid Vicera Cleanup map

[@sourhour3403]

Oh hi Satan.

[@sideways5153]

You’ve seen Crypt converted into an FPS map, right? Would it even be possible to clean the ceiling?

[@CallMeDoc_]

@@sideways5153 you have a ladder.

[@mirahana6366]

>This is the third time I’ve opened this code base to make changes I’m done, after this I’m done Ah the lies programmers tell themselves

[@St3lla-MaR1s]

5:17 Spiff asks this as if Vale has done something impossible, not comprehendible, as if he completed an ancient prophecy thought to be impossible, to slay the dragon atop the mountain, to reach the depths of the ocean, so yes Spiff Vale has done it, he has made multiplayer Crypt, a feat worthy of God.

[@the_fixer2593]

The amount of effort that went into this April Fools joke is honestly astonishing. I'd honestly hire Vale as a Video Game developer, just because of his creativity and dedication.

[@excaliburv4332]

I never realized that having dozens of torches in the same room actually made the room darker. Thanks for teaching me this fun, obscure scientific fact, Vale!

[@wigglyjimbo]

This video perfectly describes how it feels to make a game that works perfectly in singleplayer but completely breaks the moment you have multiple players

[@Valmanic_]

Cylinder is my new favorite character. So much character in that guys volume.

[@stardust-reverie]

a truly three dimensional character

[@Nick-rs5if]

The hilarity of Spiff randomly joined in just to ask "Did you fucking do it Vale?" 😂

[@Michael-dj6pd]

Spiff joining the call just to ask how insane Vale is

[@isaiahbolevs]

I mean, it's two different versions of chaos. One breaks games, and the other makes/mod games that break you

[@james14294]

The real april fools is that he thinks hes never going to touch it again

[@Gage_The_Comrade_or_Something]

Considering how much of a psychotic eldritch being Vale is, I’m genuinely surprised it put a disclaimer in the beginning.

[@abbycaldwell3166]

How are you supposed to properly torture someone who's having an epileptic seizure? He needs to ensure all his victims are conscious to for the torture to be effective :)

[@Gage_The_Comrade_or_Something]

@@abbycaldwell3166 that’s actually genius

[@Infinite_Archive]

"It", wow!

[@shineczek3803]

The fact that this masterpiece is only 19 minutes long SHOULD be suable.

[@dogium3332]

I love how Vale actually made multiplayer for Crypt as a joke.

[@TalleyBellum]

Wouldn't the solution to getting this multiplayer version of crypt out is to have it be a sperate download? Two copies of crypt one for solo and one for multiplayer?

[@theapexsurvivor9538]

Games: Crypt Crypt with -Victims- Friends

[@dropfish3109]

a

[@magnateze]

id imagine another reason this isnt public is because multiplayer has to be made pretty really well for it to not be a security hazard, like with what we saw with crab game a while ago, alot of youtubers IPs were leaked because of a flaw

[@beanofknowledge2125]

“How functional?“ Immediately starts stuttering

[@owlwaifu4949]

Utterly terrifying 10/10

[@SleepyJackUK]

Looking forwards to the VR version of Crypt.

[@spacecatsftw]

that would be hilarious

[@dhanish3267]

Absolutely one of the horror gameplay experience. 10/10, remarkable.

[@davidsalisbury1688]

I was a game developer for 10 years, made many unity games and even worked at unity for a while. Hearing Vale rant about the multiplayer made me laugh.

[@Americanbadashh]

"It's such a waste of my life ... but it works" This is a mood! This is a MOOD!

[@thetruegoldenknight]

That's how EVERY hobbyist game dev with metrics in the ZEROES feels about their passion projects. And I'm talking from experience.

[@mute1085]

It's funny how just yesterday I watched 4 people try and play Ubisoft's Uno for over 1.5 hours in vain. And your multiplayer already works way better. Looking forward to Crypt 2!

[@PixelRockett]

Do you know what video that is? I would love to watch it

[@-Raylight]

"Announcing my new Torture MMORPG" "Dear GOD" "There's more" *_"NOO"_*

[@richardnixonpog9925]

Vale's steam engine of a computer must be burning a hole in the floor from jury rigging this game to work

[@sarkhan_guy]

Finally, World of Valecraft!

[@szrsplaythroughs]

can i just say that i love that your casually friends with spiff XD. what an unexpected crossover, i love it.

[@allesarfint]

Paradox Quiz Show

[@ethanwatt-dz3xq]

We all know he’s not done with crypt. He’ll never be done. You’re never leaving vale

[@spencerruston406]

Jor Jor Well was inspired to write literally 1984 when Vale stopped working on the game when he was on the cusp of having an amongus mode for Crypt.

[@Partyrockscool]

The best April Fools joke of the entire video was that he was done with Crypt

[@HolyDeathFridge]

I was there for the patreon test and it was incredible

[@ungabungado2834]

I was so hyped to have multiplayer crypt I was itching to call my friend and make them download it and whatever after you finished giving the name I was searching far and wide but my dreams were dashed on the rocks

[@BierBart12]

This feels like a classic Gmod sandbox experience with like 30 people in a horror map, but someone spawned a random SNPC and everyone is carrying around dynamic light sources

[@juandude9173]

Brings a tear to my eye to see the merchant got killed by greg because you bought his gun which was his only means of protection

[@ThunderChanter]

I knew this was a joke vid as soon as he claimed he's been alive for more than 20 years in the intro. We all know Vale has to have his dad sign into a steam account to get past the 13+ clause

[@mauriciopimentel6451]

Good thing that you mentioned epilepsy on the start of the video Vale, i just remembered that I didn't take my meds

[@grynte1]

I love how i came from watching the spiffing brit to watching this.. and then he joins and asks if vale really did it xD

[@UnderseaRexieVT]

18:16 - Hey look, it's me! This patron test was super fun.

[@MiniMidas375]

What a beautiful game. I can't wait for the sequel which will have classes and new quests added!

[@expo4266]

I've never walked away from a youtube video with my eyes legitimately sore before, well done.

[@Finetales]

Vale is the one who can make the science-based, 100% dragon MMO a reality

[@treedude4246]

I unironically believed this until the price

[@rightleft7306]

Wait, this isn't right. I'm supposed to only see your videos after like 5 months at least, not within a day! 15/10 Cryptastic Boogaloo should've been the subtitle

[@JesseWC1550]

I wonder if having $9.11 in his steam wallet was intentional or not

[@grit1]

I cant believe its been 20 years since The Crypt came out

[@tsk9277]

5 months have passed and we still wait for Vale to finish the Campaign for North Africa video.

[@redwitch95]

So pooman is Valefisk's official alter ego is what I'm getting from this lol

[@Jerjoker007]

I love the process of making stuff like that. Beginning by a plan and derailing down to the point you absolutely hate it.

[@oswiniarty4586]

oh my god vale is actually uploading a video within a few weeks of filming it

[@scrungobeepis5443]

I love Gaslight Day, truly one of the holidays of all time

[@bobbobinson6209]

7:10 George Washington was famous for chopping down a cherry tree to get at the succulent cherry tree wood-meat inside. Best April 1'st video hands down.

[@NovelPond]

This Victoria 3 game is looking good

[@HermitRunner]

2:21 he is “done” watch he open it up again like a year from now XD

[@Breadicism]

spiff appearing out of nowhere shook me

[@mixednarwhal]

This is a great video and game thanks for the great April 1st video!

[@dumplechan]

Back in the olden days of the wood-eaters, they never would have believed people would create such a thing.

[@OfficialJanky]

“Imagine trying to botch a single player game engine into a multiplayer one. “ Bethesda: hold my beer

[@numilani8267]

ok, but what if...you posted Crypt MMO as its own steam entry? :D Alternatively, the source code would make a funni Patreon offering so people can fix bugs and torture their """friends"""

[@whitehawk4099]

It could be posted as a separate entry, or it could be posted as a beta which would allow people to switch between the versions. Either way, humanity deserves for this to be released.

[@DrakeLightheart]

goddamnit vale as soon as I saw this I was already thinking of having tournaments

[@P0P218]

mention of starforge brought forth bad memories

[@HobbitK1ller]

the fact that this man is just casually friends with the spiffing brit blows my mind

[@MakoWoman]

Spiff jumping on was a jumpscare

[@Leetfin]

I'm going to be sending this to all my friends for game night!

[@beawolfe]

Wow that lighting definitely works sometimes

[@ACompletelyRandomWoman]

To quote out scandinavian lord, back from the TTD video: “FUCK OFF VALE”

[@jasonpratt5126]

Man, the late 80s multiplayer test pre-alpha for DEEP ROCK GALACTIC is a lot different than I thought it would be....

[@thesandsofflowingtime]

Soooo, uh. How much for a DLC that lets me play as Greg against other people? Maybe a DLC that allows 4 player Gregs against one unfortunate person

[@BeansInCrocs007]

This is waaaaaaaaaaay too much work for an April fools joke, now go get some sleep vale! You've earned it!

[@nathaniellazo5912]

Crypt can only expand!!

[@ValentineC137]

Vale showing the Starforge logo awoke a sleeper agent inside my brain

[@rosalie4509]

Watching the cylinders all run around is hilarious

[@DCGMatthew1]

That sounds pretty epic indeed.

[@claytonwood8839]

my laptop blue screened during this video and I genuinely thought it was a second april fool's prank

[@Doug_Fany]

The light is lit brother!

[@_Badum]

Can we see a video on gloomwood? "It's not often that I'm so immediately into a game that I follow its development as closely as possible, but that's the effect Gloomwood(opens in new tab)'s demo had on me when it appeared on Steam in 2020. Good immersive sims only come around once every few years so I take what I can get, but that brief vertical slice convinced me that New Blood Interactive has something special here: a neo-Victorian stealth game with the vibes of Bloodborne and the backstabs, shadow hopping, and constant vulnerability of Thief. Now released in early access, I'm glad to say Gloomwood is shaping up to be great. New Blood has really nailed the basics-its opening levels are creepy, expansive spaces with multiple solutions and looming guards that are just the right amount of dumb. I love the lethality of my pointy cane sword, the click of the revolver as I check its ammo, and the satisfaction of stepping right past an unsuspecting goon in a pitch-black shadow." [Mabey Mod it to make it multiplayer???] Love the vids by the way would love to see this game if possible, also you should make a discord. Even though you said [[["What Dom says is true, I despise discord and will never, ever consider using it. It's another step towards the downfall of human civilization."]]] just MAKE ONE. .have a good day.

[@thetruegoldenknight]

"I've been awake for days!" Sounds like torture, or you're practicing to become a Navy SEAL or something. Wow. I could never even fathom attempting that. My personal best was staying awake for 24 hours during Star Wars Uprising before that mobile title became a dead game. Well, kudos to Crypt 1.5 and beyond.

[@ImNotFine44]

Jokes on you, your trickery doesnt count because it’s currently April 2nd here in Australia. You totally got me though… Oh god it wasnt a joke…

[@fireblade696]

I will pay you 2 nickles and a piece of string from my pockets for this game. Yes I know it’s a lot, but I really want it.

[@comaiscool]

I seek more Crypt Mr Samsa. I must deliver Greg his Pizza Rolls.

[@72702]

We need this released

[@endruv_2287]

Vale played Chicken Police. A true man of culture.

[@shinyrayquaza9]

I reminds me of both journey and the really cool april fools update a short hike had that added 99 player multi-player Can we atleast get the crypt sourcecode if you are done, I'm sure someone will fix it

[@110tacles]

Can't wait for the next crypt update!

[@wolfcommando8467]

I thought that the Campaign for North Africa video was a joke! Very excited to watch you all lose your minds in WWII in full color!

[@lenseeing829]

Can't wait for the blind tournament gameplay on Counter Strike 2

[@laurivirtanen8636]

I want that Greg JPG

[@asnosuirn4841]

Can't wait for next years Crypt update!

[@ziiziiilyxc3158]

what if, the April first joke is that the entire video is actrually cgi with everyone voice acting the lines out and the mmo was never made.

[@malazanmarine2959]

I must say I wasn't expecting Spiff to appear

[@kerberos9443]

I can't get over it when other well known youtubers just casually join these videos

[@dakotamurray3552]

I really want this, I would pay for this experience. Please I need this

[@NPC.error404]

would be cool if you made a board game to torture people again but used another game as a base, for ex making uno but literally every card is just pain or maybe a bizzare one like steampunk rally

[@cyber_xiii3786]

Gotta love the permanent 200 steam notifications he has

[@hofile6765]

This got a good chuckle out of me