I edited 500+ college admissions essays and this is what I learned

everyone asks me what not to write about, and here are some of my thoughts
lmk know if there's anything else y'all want to see
essay editing available at: admissions-help.com

[@jessicagomez1760]

She is being too nice, to sum it up "don't whine in your essay and give them a reason to want you in their school"

[@Escapos]

I was just waiting for her to say "No one really gives a fuck about x,y,z" I've definitely felt the most worthless in my life when talking to admissions officers. Whenever I tried working finances out and telling them my struggles all they had to say was "That's nice kid, so does everyone else, either you pay the money, get lucky to have it paid for you... or you don't attend." College in America is in such a poor place, education should never have such a ridiculous barrier to entry. "There's a dearth of [insert field] professionals." Yeah, I wonder why.

[@verntweld51]

This is great advice for every aspect of life as well. Don’t complain because it doesn’t help anything and be a person people want to be around. See also : Humility and Love.

[@albertswanson5251]

or don't say, "I'm beginning to become so upset .. "

[@ZechsMerquise73]

I don't know. I got an interview with Harvard out of a whiny, incoherent essay. Maybe it's because it was different. Unfortunately I was even more whiny and incoherent in person.

[@leonacircum5907]

@@ZechsMerquise73 dont wanna be offensive but kind of curious about what made it so different

[@samleethepianoboy6482]

“Don’t use the word passion” Me: *frantically ctrl+F “passion”*

[@danielledupreez]

your admissions officers will thank you

[@isabella2977]

Yoooooo 😂😂😂this made me cackle 😂😭😭😭

[@ruthlessgriz3340]

*quickly changes to "love"* That ought to do it!

[@naritruwireve1381]

_Googles synonyms for passion_

[@JessicaBates-re8nb]

😂😂😂

[@daianmoi8528]

So... 1. Focus on overcoming the struggle rather than the struggle 2. Don’t pick a struggle you haven’t overcome yet 3. Use humor!!

[@francescafrancesca3554]

Thank you ❤️

[@Majestic469]

You shouldn’t use humor if you know you aren’t funny

[@davidmorales2859]

Daian Moi I think I made a joke about my life being a mess subtly

[@exoticcats6119]

I know I’m not funny, so I’m not getting far with humor.

[@Kayla-fm2ie]

THANK UUU

[@ethanmartin2781]

Average people with average backgrounds where u at?

[@SnackMuay]

Yup. Mine was so hard to write bc I’ve been privileged enough to not have any major hardships, but not privileged enough to have spent time exploring the world and having “life-changing” experiences

[@alinacalm]

@@SnackMuay you know you don't have to have lots of money to have life changing experiences, right?

[@emmaleo7668]

TheWizardOfOsborne then what did u write about❤️

[@SnackMuay]

Emma TheStupidGenius The prompt was something like “where do you feel most at home” and I wrote about being at competition with my county quiz bowl team. Probably wasn’t the best essay of all time, but it worked.

[@ethanmartin2781]

@@emmaleo7668 "Describe a topic or idea that you find so engaging that it makes you lose track of time." I wrote about my interest in learning math. I talked about the mathematics of the principle of least action (lagrangian mechanics) and how cool and fundamental it was to 99% of physics, along with some personal touches to make it less impersonal. As a not-so-proud nerd, I kinda cringe at this looking back, but most of the other prompts about "obstacles" and "background/identity" were gross by comparison lol.

[@artvandelay7236]

To emphasize uniqueness, I send my DNA profile.

[@codeOwler]

sorry bud, but your a clone

[@artvandelay7236]

@@codeOwler It's funny you're watching a video about college essays when you still haven't passed grade school grammar.😂😂

[@codeOwler]

@@artvandelay7236 I'm sure you failed reading comprehension if you can't understand the sentence 😂😂 maybe focus on the message and not on first grade spelling errors 😂😂😂

[@artvandelay7236]

@@codeOwler What makes you think I don't understand the sentence? Oh yeah... stupidity.... Nevermind.😜

[@codeOwler]

@@artvandelay7236 ya your play ground insults made me think you were in 1st grade 😂😂😂

[@hassaneldali8836]

The YT algorithm is aboutta bless you.

[@extracurricular1]

Lmao I was wondering why this was on my home page :’)

[@ThePerpetualStudent]

I hope you don't write like that when you write your essay.

[@matthewl5411]

It was on my youtube feed too.

[@inquisitvem6723]

It certainly won’t help with my thumbs down... :)

[@hassaneldali8836]

@@ThePerpetualStudent ha ha ha fu nny asf

[@MetFansince]

I avoided all the standard clichés and wrote about how my father worked for an Italian owned cement company and "solved problems" for them and how disappointed he'd be if I was not admitted. 10 applications, 10 acceptances!

[@isabellamarin743]

did you recently apply? like within the past few years?

[@isabellamarin743]

Luca LMFAO ok honestly ive heard people say things so similar to that i can’t tell if they’re joking or not anymore 😭😭

[@stirfry3018]

this joke is very abstract are you implying that he was in the italian mafia and threatened the college admissions people?

[@wierdgamerTV]

@@stirfry3018 That is the joke, yes.

[@rosa578]

Stir Fry LMAO 😂

[@avarina8418]

I think the problem with writing a good college essay is that you don't have a whole lot of important, notable, life changing, defining things about you or your life to write about at 17.

[@qqq2307]

Not true. Just make your personity shine. I knew someone who wrote about the showers they took. They're in Harvard now.

[@Sokrabiades]

everything that is actually life defining happened to you before you were 17

[@avarina8418]

@@Sokrabiades like what, going school and then going home? being apart of some sports team or random interest club? having childhood trauma or not? ...being a minor is just living in your parents world waiting to live in your own. that's why kids want to go to college so badly,

[@14Rainbowhearts]

You can magnify your life experiences :)

[@TrogdorBurnin8or]

You almost certainly don't if your life is going well enough that you're expecting to get into college.

[@niki_99]

My sister got into her college of choice writing an essay about how she was fascinated by trees. Be creative and use good writing.

[@stinkyradish6935]

niki 99 wow

[@Br0kenG1ass]

Your sister is a genius!

[@jacobrichter]

“Use good writing” is good advice I guess. It does seem to presuppose that everyone is a good writer and just chooses not to use it.

[@niki_99]

@@jacobrichter I was just trying to give an example of a topic man, and like, getting stuff proofread is not that hard. There are conventions to what is considered good writing by academics, follow those. Ask someone to read it. You don’t have to be a “good writer” to employ the rules of grammar and essay structure. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@niki_99]

@@Br0kenG1ass thanks? I was just trying to share the fact that the topic can be trivial and the essay can still be well-written.

[@niftymice6541]

another tip from my english teacher: show, dont tell. give lots of examples and visual decriptions about things, dont just say what you did and how you did it.

[@coisasbostas1648]

@@sunghokahng3719 Telling/Explaining: “My uncle Mike has been a huge influence in my life because he is always present and helpful.” Showing: “My uncle Mike was the man who told me my brother had broken both his legs skiing in the Alps. Mike was the man who took me to the father-son picnic when my dad was ill. And when I found myself in need of help that late Friday night that would forever change my life, it was Mike’s number I dialed.”

[@noface5175]

@@coisasbostas1648 Good shit 👍

[@maryrose5246]

I am so sick of editing essays about passionate pre-med immigrants. I think immigrant stories work when they are personal. I edited this great essay where the girl talked about being scared in her US History class because she did not have the basic knowledge of her classmates. Her essay was about how she saw the US from a different stand point, and the class was changing for everyone by her questions and curiosity.

[@PabeLg91]

Yo I don't go to school anymore but the whole victim card that you kind of dance around, is very widespread. I feel like it's getting worse, everyone is in a competition for who has a shittier life. We're wearing it like a badge of honor forgetting that there is a part 2, how did we get out of the shitty situation?

[@TNDCBaby]

Isn't applying to college the part 2? Normally to get to the "why I want to go to college part" you have to say how you ended up in a good enough place that you'd be able to succeed in college.

[@michelleguevara9057]

Exactly and all the accomplishments of the applicant despite challenges

[@MrWise_Christian]

Vote for trump. That is the only way out from the victim-hood narrative the political left is indoctrinating kids into.

[@mayuhmetal]

@@TNDCBaby you kinda have to market yourself to the college, that you've succeeded in the past and you can succeed in college. its like the part 3 haha

[@jc8198]

MrWise Christian Bruh gtfoh 🙈

[@High_Rate136]

Colleges: We want to see you overcoming struggles. 18 year olds: I’m going to struggle if I don’t get in

[@lydiaclarkes]

I'm so sad you are not editing this year! You edited my son's essay and you were SPECTACULAR - your editing was top notch but your insight, your ideas to expand and your comments were AMAZING. Your service was invaluable, he found you after we had paid two other "supposedly notable" companies and got very marginal results. He was accepted to all of the colleges he applied to and we loved working with you!! I only found out you stopped when all the Juniors we recommended you to last year just told me your website wasn't working.

[@danielledupreez]

Thank you so much. I’m sad too! I enjoy editing, but unfortunately don’t have time for it this semester. I’m so touched that you referred other people to me. Best of luck to Shane in his first year!

[@waterymelon9640]

@@danielledupreez Its too bad you're not editing this year. I bet you'd get a lot of customers from this video (me included). Great video!

[@amine2432]

@@danielledupreez please edit next year.

[@beuajnebubeb4856]

@@danielledupreez are you editing this year

[@lantruong7517]

Danielle du Preez Are you editing this year ?

[@katarinasolitapuskas4336]

I was surprised how YT suggested a smaller channel with good content, like in the old days. I'd like to see a counterpart of this video - what are good topics to write about in this situation? What are the best essays you've seen? 🙌

[@jkxss]

It is better to choose the best applicable experience from your own life than to try and shape your life experience/essay to fit a "good" topic. Most people do not have a noteworthy life by the time they apply to college. "When everyone's super, no one will be" - (Syndrome, The Incredibles, 2004)

[@colorfulcodes]

It was the algorithm.

[@theresag1969]

I've noticed that too.

[@gabrielasouzadasilva7140]

@@jkxss Since you look really smart, is it good to quote people on your essay, or is it a bad thing, and How much is good? I don't want to flood my essay with useless things (Sorry for my bad english)

[@yasminchronicles]

Gabriela Souza da Silva hey answering this because I just watched a video recently that talked about quotes in personal statements (at the start of your statement at least) - i think it was this one kzbin.info/www/bejne/oJ3KkKJ9fb1qm5I

[@hibak8196]

"If you write about overcoming a problem, focus on the *overcoming* part and not the problem" This video was really helpful. I'm both an "internally displaced person" and someone who struggles with mental illness, and I definitely see how easy it is for us to define ourselves with these things instead of focusing on our actual strengths. Also the passion part. I think literally everyone is getting bored of this word. But man, writing about yourself is hella hard.

[@miau6451]

real

[@remlatzargonix1329]

So, does an essay about how you have incriminating photos of the admissions team and that it would be a shame if they ever came to light, work?

[@cozbyreyes8815]

I-

[@Br0kenG1ass]

You might go to jail, but it could!

[@celinelois6524]

😂😂 not the blackmail

[@adrianmz1208]

Hahaaaa!!

[@The_True_IMG]

Yes it would work, please share them with me I have a plan

[@vikramnathan5501]

It's all fun and games until you realize that your essay has the "immigrant" trope... thanks for the honest advice

[@para-yw9dn]

not all cliches are bad, if you know how to write the "immigrant trope" isn't bad. just make it unique and different. edit: having an original essay and answer is good too, so you do stand out and pull the reader in.

[@danielledupreez]

^ This is true, but the challenge is knowing what is unique and different. My point kind of is that most people write this immigrant essay exactly because they think it’s unique and different, when in reality, in national pool of applicants, there are way more immigrants than you might think based on your own experience growing up as one of few immigrants among your peers.

[@vikramnathan5501]

@@danielledupreez thanks for that! I took a unique spin on that essay, so hopefully it should be OK

[@lissa4750]

There's a girl that was accepted to all 8 ivy leagues. Her personal statement was about being an Asian-American etc - but the writing was so good. So honestly if you're gonna take that route, just make sure your writing is on point

[@davidb5205]

@@lissa4750 Cassandra Hsiao, right? Her essay was actually unique and stood out. If anyone is going to do the "immigrant" essay, that's the way it should be done.

[@Thinks-First]

I was a B student in High school and wanted to get into college to pursue a science degree. Unlike ALL other applicants from my school that I know of, I was the only one who had actually built my own radios, transmitters, telescopes, motors, generators, etc... . When I went to my interview I brought photos of my projects and proved I designed and built them along with schematics and details. I was accepted. When I was in college applying to graduate schools I was, again, a B student. But I had built an actual CT xray machine and a very crude MRI machine. I went to an interview and was told my grades were only average because I probably spent all my time building these devices. They accepted me. The point is that if you SHOW actual passion for science by actually ALREADY being deeply involved with aspects of science you will stand out. Worked for me. Since then I patented my inventions, built technical companies, brought together a team of very capable people, and became quite successful. Anyone can do it IF you are truly passionate about what you claim you want to study AND can prove that you are already in the field.

[@vornamenachname594]

how did you manage the legalities of building such a machine? Also I am surprised that they were impressed by your projects, since those are more in line with trade school expectatios, rather than university.

[@teagueh]

You edited 500 college entry essays; and, you’re still sane? Congratulations!

[@justafan8423]

Me: *watches video* "Hmmmm" *logs onto google docs* *clicks new document* "Back to square one ig"

[@wholovesace]

Just a fan faxxxxx😖💯

[@Yvonnaanderson]

a mood

[@pbasswil]

An applicant going on about their passion is like a comedian going on about their great sense of humour - or a soldier going on about their bravery! Passion, humour, and bravery are great things; but you don't talk about those qualities in yourself. You describe your pursuits, experiences, and learning adventures, and leave the reader to draw their _own_ conclusions about your qualities.

[@gailysmiley]

You literally spoke so respectfully. So many other ones I’ve watched almost make us all out to be stupid. You’re a kind soul ❤️❤️

[@danielledupreez]

That's so sweet of you to say!

[@antokiofficial]

Long story short, do not use heavily the "boo-hoo for me" method, nor the reason why you're such a great student. Respond genuine to your character and make it entertaining. Colleges/Universities assume a majority of their applicants take/have taken advanced classes, therefore, the essay should be unique and representative of yourself. You got this! 👏

[@LaitoChen]

lmao!

[@SamanthaDo]

-passion 3:16 -immigrant 6:21 -mental illness 14:30

[@mengxiong7630]

Samantha Do Video should of been 1 minute long lol

[@sjuvanet]

The Critic Comment should have said "should have."

[@stanfatou2002]

@@sjuvanet she still talks to much lol. Get to the point already

[@agnescoleman9556]

Jasmine Harris don’t watch it then

[@kamikazeneko9070]

Bless you

[@kevinlee6958]

For those who are thinking whether or not your topic is good, I'll give you two quick ways to examine it. 1. Is it something that anyone can do it with MONEY (like sports)? 2. Is it something that anyone can do it with TIME (like volunteer)? If your answer is yes then no you shouldn't write this topic. This is mainly because things that can be done with only money and time is TOO replicable, and every applicant will have a bunch of those (like 200+volunteer hrs or what not). However, do note that "playing basketball" is different than "leading your school team to win regional finals," and "doing volunteer" is different than "doing internship at something like MIT or Caltech." Myself was accepted to Berkeley, UCLA, Northwestern, UMich 8 years ago, and in the last two years I have helped over a dozen students get into HYPS. Hope this comment helps :)

[@Ouchie_bruh]

Thank you very much!

[@danielledupreez]

I agree that the essays that discuss experiences that “anyone can do” with money or time are going to be more common. However, I don’t think they are detrimental cliches. They are advantageous in the sense that that they don’t help applicants get in, but they don’t reflect negatively on them either. Sometimes, that’s enough. I’d much rather read a cookie cutter essay about how you learned to persevere on your sports team, than read about a dramatic/serious/painful experience that you had that you’re representing in an obfuscated or uncomfortable way. With the exception of the pre-med passion essay, I mentioned in the video the kinds of essays that are both overused and very challenging to write in a way that reflects positively on the applicant. The premed passion essay is flawed by the fact that it almost always comes off as presumptive and/or disingenuous. My point is, I wouldn’t discourage students from writing about sports or volunteering if they really feel like they don’t have other topics come to mind after giving it lots of thought.

[@kevinlee6958]

Right, of course when students run out of topics they have no choice to write whatever they have. My opinion was for those aiming at top tier schools. It is right that these topics won't hurt you, but they are also not as good.. but be aware that stories that are too dramatic are often disingenuous, and college admissions are aware of those.

[@Tersina]

@Kevin Lee I'd like to suggest an edit for the sake of clarity: "If your answer is yes, then no you shouldn't write this topic." I spent a couple of minutes puzzling over whether you meant "yes then no" (yes to #1, no to #2) or "yes, then no" (yes to both, so don't write it)--only after a couple minutes did I realize that your later comments and/or writing made it clear it was the former.

[@kevinlee6958]

@@Tersina that particular sentence could be a bit ambiguous I agree, I was lazy and dint want to type the whole thing out. However, the very next sentence did answer your question pretty well though.

[@agniskgiri2775]

You look like the older version of El from Stranger Things..

[@elikirtley1223]

was thinking the exact same thing

[@danielledupreez]

When you said “older version” I thought you meant like previous version, as in season 1. And I was confused

[@jahreigns888]

Dude, I thought the same.

[@JerseyMiller]

Yup

[@ThePerpetualStudent]

Slap yourself

[@Theozzie11]

Everyone wants to be a victim. Who is the biggest victim is a serious competition going on in our society today. Not healthy.

[@JustBeingAwesome]

Ha I just said the same in my comment :) "Talking about suffering comes from TV-shows. Just watch The Voice, AGT, etc. People learn that by milking those stories they increase their chances of being considered a winner, more deserving of a win. However in the "real" world, victimhood is very off-putting."

[@petitionpeitition5806]

Omg 👍YES. This is SO true.

[@fatoumatadembele2112]

Can I quote you in an essay

[@elliart7432]

I kind of disagree. First of all not everyone has a "turning point" moment in their life that isn't upsetting, it's sad but true. Second of all, I don't think it's fair people should be expected to shut up about difficult challenges they're proud of overcoming just because someone's gonna ignore the "this is how I've grown from it" part and assume they just want pity points

[@Theozzie11]

@@elliart7432 Obviously the world is grey. This is just a generalized statement that holds true in most cases. Surely you can agree with that.

[@SableTalks]

This really put some things into perspective for me where not every challenge i’ve dealt with is necessarily a sharable achievement but a personal or small circle one. Thank you!

[@michaelkruse3536]

When I wrote my college essay, I could've talked about how I was diagnosed with Graves Disease junior year of high school and how that changed my life and things like that. Instead, I wrote about something I always thought of as unique to myself: the way I think and see problems. I'm a math major in college now and one thing that has always given my an edge in school and life in general is the way I am able to view problems in a variety of perspectives and really deconstruct things to break it up into something simpler and more approachable. It was a very strange and atypical essay idea, but it got me in to where I go now. That being said, I wrote a much better essay in applying to another university about how I grew from being in marching band and while it was much more cliche I think I prefer that one (just because it flowed nicer and told more of a story), however this initial idea of showing something that sets me apart from others that is a clearly positive trait was a good idea to write about. I could've wrote about my health, but just as the video stated I was still in the process of getting better and dealing with having an autoimmune disorder while still in high school, so I instead decided to fill out a form with my application that explains how I have a medical condition and how that may have affected my schoolwork and how it affected me at the time so they still were able to see that I'm dealing with something, yet they are able to see one of my strengths from my essay and sort of understand that I still did well in school despite my illness and that says enough about that story, without having to explicitly write about it. Rather than being redundant and just going on and on about how I am attempting to overcome an illness, I let the admissions board understand that message by just stating my condition and them looking at my grades and other parts of my application, then I focused on a strength of mine in my essay. That's what I recommend doing for others in a similar situation.

[@zaynabboustique1288]

hey! I am actually in almost the exact same situation - down to the exact disease. I got diagnosed in 9th grade, and that was by far my worst year academically. While I didn't do terrible, I did do worse than expected. My case was really severe in 9th and 11th grade, and it caused me to drop out of regular school and do online school instead. I was constantly in and out of hospitals, labs, emergency rooms, and barely had the time or health to focus on my schoolwork as much as I could. It's been so severe that I had to get an emergency surgery my junior year, or else my quality of life would severely decline. While other parts of my application are extremely strong, I've been worrying myself sick (no pun intended) about how my disease could harm my chances of getting into my dream college. Because my situation is so niche, it's been hard to find any advice on what to do. My grades were weakest my 9th and 11th grade year, because then, my disease was the most severe. Do you have any tips or pointers that could help out? Regardless, it's super nice to hear someone in a similar situation be successful :-)

[@michaelkruse3536]

@@zaynabboustique1288 I’m going into my senior year now so applications to college were a while ago haha, but let me think if I got any tips. Off the top of my head, I would make the application completely ignorant of the health stuff. Try and sell yourself as a strong applicant apart from your hurdles. After that, go through and wherever you have the chance try and show how you are this strong applicant you built urself up to be in spite of your hurdles, and how these experiences have shaped your actions up to this point. TLDR: it’s a very important thing to have in your applications, but don’t make your ENTIRE application about your health problems, as you’ll just be repeating yourself and only portraying a small portion of what u have to offer

[@zaynabboustique1288]

@@michaelkruse3536 Thank you so much! You have no idea how much this helped :-))

[@VoiceandReason]

Graduated college 3 years ago and wasn’t expecting much when this popped up as recommended, but this video is great. You give fantastic advice and I wish I had this video when I was applying!

[@tonyzeljkovic4952]

A very interesting insight in how people have much more similar experiences/stories about their lives. This reminds me of a conversation I once had with an older real estate agent that regretted not going to school like everybody else. However, when he told the story of his Life and they way he thought about things that was so unique and interesting. I told him not to worry, as unique stories and unique views are so precious and hard to find nowadays. It’s good you help people realize their unique stories!

[@yaimavol]

If I had it to do over again, I would have taken all my college money and bought real estate, and especially a Parking Lot near an airport. It makes money for you 24/7, your overhead is low.

[@user-wo7fy2vt9z]

Your videos have inspired me so much. Thank you and please take care of yourself so that you can go on to inspire more people in the us and beyond. Greetings from Taiwan.

[@icybear1234]

I see KZbin recommendations have brought us all together again

[@toddc9913]

Watch in 2x speed with captions 1. Passion is cliche. As well as want to change the world 2. Steer away from "suffering" immigrant essay, challenges etc. Although you can use the immigrant topic 3.14:45 mental illness, steer away.

[@saramari1957]

Thank you for expressing your vulnerability of feeling unsure about posting! That's rare on youtube! This was really helpful in gaining hard information for college essay writing as well as softening & relaxing because of your tone. Subscribed and appreciative ;)

[@CassyFilms]

Of course you stop editing when it comes my turn to do a college essay :(( Love you though, you're great at what you do..

[@Dan-ud8hz]

Thank you for your advice and thank you for opening up about your own experiences. You're very well exemplifying the character and strength to overcome adversity that you describe by sharing. Be well!

[@kentvandervelden]

This is an awesome video! Truly advice that only comes from tons of experience. While I'm not applying to school, I'm constantly applying for one thing or another while writing proposals, and you are offering great advice.

[@holzfallen]

I’m an application reader/screener (I don’t get to pick students, just pass them up the chain or reject) and you’re absolutely spot on. What we are always looking for is the story of how you grew/learned - the bad thing/challenge should never be the thrust of the essay, but just a quick introduction to the real story - the story or your character, not your circumstances.

[@zebebbo]

Thank you for the advice! I know this isn't some personal tell all about your life but I could tell that you were really honest and vulnerable in giving this advice despite the fact that people might take it the wrong way. I have a lot of trouble writing about myself but this helps me to rethink what I consider valuable about myself and what I can contribute to a school or job. Hearing some of what you said was seriously impactful for me, so again, thank you!

[@danielledupreez]

Thanks for the sweet comment!

[@amymilliken4523]

I’m going through this with my daughter now and this was a fantastic overview with lots of meaningful points.

[@bluemarble5225]

I agree completely with the points you made and I often find myself using this same “victim mentality” in my essays but can we also discuss how these colleges seem to WANT the most struggling people now a days, like i tried applying to a summer program and did not get in simply because i wasn’t victimized enough and couldn’t bring myself to force that into my writing, that really sucks. I feel like this trend is getting worse and colleges can arrange these prompt differently so that students arent forced to seek out this victim mentality in hopes of getting in.

[@rickwrites2612]

No its about the merit of what your journey demonstrates. You refuse to take responsibility for your failure. That is a character weakness. If this showed in your essay it's no surprise you weren't picked. The victim thing is meritocracy. Many people DO have to overcome extreme hurdles to get to the essay and in many cases it makes them a demonstrably better candidate. If person A started 16 miles away and ran here, they've proven their worth as an athlete just by getting here. Person B rode an expensive bike from a qte mile away, they need to have also have started a volleyball team or something extra. Those who are starting at a higher end of the playing field need to demonstrate their the same level of candidacy by doing extra and building on their advantages.

[@yordlop]

I've read hours worth of advice for medical school admissions essays and this was among the best of it. So many people don't talk about what really matters and just fall back on the same advice: "make it unique", "show, don't tell", "use a catchy hook", etc. Thank you.

[@alkesnafoster4240]

1000th like. I’m glad this was recommended because i just began my essay and this was really helpful

[@TheHeloGaby]

I wish I had known this during my application. This is all sooo true, thank you so much for your honesty

[@lissa4750]

Fancy seeing you here

[@marcstecker746]

Thank you for providing the genuine and thoughtful writing suggestions.

[@firebeats5673]

this is such a well done video. I’ve definitely learned a lot. thank you!

[@killer0200318]

It's prob not a good idea to watch this right after submitting my Questbridge essay but...

[@denacher-fils298]

MEEEE bruh i literally wrote all my essays on the the topics she said are cliche lol

[@rebeccalizarde6989]

I mean Questbridge is a little different right? A large part of it is how you haven't had certain resources but are still able to succeed, so overcoming adversity is something they want to see to better understand you and your background

[@denacher-fils298]

@@rebeccalizarde6989 thanks that made me feel better

[@killer0200318]

@@denacher-fils298 haha same

[@sidneeklein9854]

Did you finalize? I did but I'm panicking because my story comes across so negatively and it leads me to think I won't match.

[@perputual_conflict]

I am applying to grad school in fall 2020. Your video gave me some really useful insights which I can incorporate in my personal statement. Thank you very much.

[@nikaylal]

How is/was grad school?

[@beaveramenzell5450]

Thanks for this video! I've seen the popup of this video several times, but never watched it. Today, something told me I should watch it... you will learn something from this. He is surely right. I learned that you should focus on the overcoming process by elaborating and emphasizing and de-emphasize the suffering aspect of your overcoming essay. I am fond of this message because I had written a sensitive essay... thinking that it is brief and precise. Now, that I think about it... there is hardly any positive aspects that a college admissions officer can pick up. Fortunately, this essay hasn't been sent, yet. So, thank you, once again, for this godsend video!

[@belszbelsz7880]

That’s an awesome video and thank you very much for sharing. I think you certainly can call yourself an „expert” here, or a mentor, because you clearly owned this title through your hard work. I agree with all your points :) Good luck for everyone applying this year!

[@JessicaBates-re8nb]

I’ve already graduated college and was still so interested throughout this whole video.

[@freddyalvatorre8924]

What she is basically saying is that there are profiling and preconceived notions from those reading college admission essays that may affect you negatively when applying to college. Be positive and do not flaunt your negative experiences. This is good advice to follow.

[@MontserratTorres]

I just want to say your advice is very helpful and truthful, something very important when writing these types of essays. Thank you so much, you have no idea how much you have helped.

[@sgraubart1]

Great video Danielle. Powerful insights, very inspiring and courageous.

[@BlacPhoenix]

Well you are an expert on this topic so good info for the pre-meds. I have a couple in my family and they are very dedicated. The process seems sort of depressing, but that May be the growing pains of achievement.

[@deb8190]

This is why I like how we do it in Australia. You apply for colleges(uni's), they get access to your overall academic 'score' (which accounts for your marks in the last two years of school, achievements in extracurricular activities etc) and they accept you or not based on this. Family background doesn't matter (although english being your second language is considered) , tough things you've overcome don't matter, only your academic ability.

[@milvia4852]

There is too much competition (global, actually) for spots in the universities whose degrees matter, so that is why the essay is another factor to weed out candidates

[@Andreas4696]

@@milvia4852 In Norway, we have a similar system to Australia. In fact, we apply to universities through a centralized system called Samordna Opptak, so you don't have to send individual applications like in America, and it's free. I think this system is fair, even for more competitive programs, because it removes all randomness. Automatic selection based on grades means people get accepted based on true merit. Medical school, for instance, is notoriously difficult to get into in Norway, because you basically need to have straight A's as your average in high school, including the required math, physics and chemistry courses. You might also need to also take biology and extra foreign languages for extra points. Weeding people out is not an issue, because you basically need to have to have a GPA in the top 500 nationally (likely even better than that) to get accepted into competitive programs like med school.

[@jjo-mg8xo]

...dude early entry still have essays and stuff.... And family background does matter because of eas... But also ye u have a point

[@mangomochi7111]

i disagree because there is so much more to people than just their academic ability and every person deserves an equal chance to pursue an education

[@haukenot3345]

@@Andreas4696 Germany used to assign university spots primarily by highschool average (the term "numerus clausus" referring to the minimum grade average required for a specific degree), but the system has since been amended in favor of a more holistic approach, including social factors, application essays, and relevant work experience (e.g. if you finished a nurse trainee program or did volunteer work at a medical institution, it becomes easier to enter a medical degree program). Personally, I believe this is more fair. Highschool averages are largely driven by socio-economic status in Germany, and the only thing they really showcase is your ability to acquire knowledge in a highly standardized setting. Nothing about your grade average says "I'm going to become a great doctor/judge/teacher". Maybe Norway doesn't have those issues of education inequality, and, to be fair, your system of checking for specific grades that relate to the subject matter of a specific degree definitely seems superior to our reliance on a mere average. But I've seen too many people underperform in highschool, only to excel during their university studies, and vice versa, to trust in a system that is based solely on highschool results and leaves no room for soft factors.

[@adamdonovan5633]

Your views are totally spot on; don't apologize for anything.

[@hilarious7138]

you are one in a million because you working hard and get tired on your Goals and you're really motivated me because i even didn't expected that one day i will edit all that amount of essays ...

[@AnonYmous-ry2jn]

While this is obviously insightful, and well thought out, and based on a lot of experience, students should *definitely* watch multiple videos for a number of perspectives. As many comments indicate, a great many students have gotten into Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford & other top colleges while breaking the rules urged in this video, especially about cliches. (On the other hand, she's definitely right about things like "don't use the word 'passion'.) Also about pre-med themes to be avoided. So where I would take this with a grain of salt, is that common themes are acceptable as long as you make it very, very personal, and above all show how thoughtful you are about your experience. You have to show growth and having learned from your experience. Unfortunately, in many cases you are stuck with a story that will be similar to others' (immigrant, mental illness experiences, etc.), but rather than avoid this topic, you must tell a unique story in that genre. In other words, instead of rejecting topics that seem "cliche" you can think of the so-called cliche as a "genre" and tell a unique story within it. That is hard, but it can be done. Bottom line is tell the most unique story you can, showing growth & thoughtfulness. If it must be in a standard genre, so be it. Butt overcome the "cliche factor" by making it unique. It should be driven by that topic or issue being central to your life. Write what you know, and write what is uniquely you.

[@mokranemokrane1941]

I spent a month struggling in writing my essay, turning sentences in every sense and trying disparately to chose the best words and I'm submitting it finally tonight. My question is : why the hell is it only now that KZbin decides to suggest to me this video ??!!!!!

[@niki_99]

I am a high school teacher and read a lot of these too. These are good tips! One I see a lot is "this is how I delt with a death in the family" stories. Thank you.

[@miantgv]

Very good insights. This has been so beneficial, great information provided!

[@janetmckenzie146]

I think that your students are very lucky to have you read/talk about/edit their common app essay. I applied to Harvard before they took the common app, and, as a first generation student who attended a large public high school, my 10 minute meeting with the school college counselor-who had never met me--was not that helpful. So I forged ahead on my own, and I’m sure that Harvard had never encountered an essay discussing leadership as a majorette, or run across the phrase ‘I hope to find some challenge in college.’ (My high school was very easy, but this phrase reveals how little I knew about college, specifically about Harvard, and, looking back, it almost sounds like I am daring them to admit me.) At the time, all of the personal essays were in the beginning of the application, and the big essay was basically a book review. I wrote about Atlas Shrugged (yes, hadn’t made it through my Ayn Rand phase yet) which was probably adequate at best. But my real accomplishment was that I had practiced the flute about two hours per day for five years, placing 7th in my state. I attended Governor’s School in Orchestra; I was 1st chair in both band and orchestra; and other things I can’t remember anymore. Or maybe it was the fact that I had moved 13 times in 18 years (military family.) My dedication and accomplishment as a flute player was, no doubt, much more important than my essay about being a majorette, but my admissions officer must have found that amusing. I wouldn’t recommend my quirky approach for the Common App, but I was accepted to Harvard and spent four crazy years in Cambridge. My advice: listen to Danielle!

[@elliebellie3625]

I'm German and already in college and we don't even write college admission essays. .. I clicked on the video anyway 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@Andreas4696]

Same in Norway. I'd be fucked if I had to write an essay, because my life is that boring.

[@elliebellie3625]

@@gleerious that's not true though

[@gleerious]

@@elliebellie3625 Yea? Tell me a few

[@elliebellie3625]

@@gleerious www.study.eu/best-universities/germany

[@elliebellie3625]

@@gleerious they're ranked pretty high internationally. I don't know where you're from but only because the Ivies are well known doesn't mean other countries don't have great universities.

[@josephgiunta4430]

I tutor college essays too and your advice is spot on. On behalf of students wise enough to listen to you and tutors involved with helping them write - thanks much!

[@jkxss]

I'm not a college application coach or anything, but I totally agree with all of your points. I appreciate this thoughtful content, subscribed.

[@UltraShoulders]

I feel like a big reason so many people stick to these tropes is how many essays or poetry they read in class is based around these concepts. I've read so many poems on Asian American immigrants reflecting on their assimilation that I would be hard pressed to not say that hasn't influenced how I try to broach sensitive topics while trying to be illustrative. And the biggest flaw of all these poems being that role model is that poetry is often left open ended! There isn't a definitive conclusion that really makes the lesson learned clear. So I feel like much of this is due to a lack of exposure to other ways to articulate oneself.

[@rio197]

That red spot on your left shoulder, I thought it was on my screen and I took a wipe to rub it a few times, lolz.

[@Aditya-vz9mg]

I have considered all the things you mentioned when thinking of what to write about so I'm glad I found this video.

[@VideoCesar07]

I have been out of college for years now and even I can still learn from this. All the cliches you mentioned might have worked or made you look different or stand out 20 years ago, and even then it was common to hear those stories. We hear stories about all those things on a daily basis and, while I can sympathize, it does not stand out anymore. Sell yourself to them as to why they should pick you based on your merits and accomplishments, not on all the scrapes and scraps you have had along the way. Save those stories to tell others when you are in college.

[@anny8720]

My current essay isn't about mental illness, but it matches pretty much every part of what you were talking about for that sort of topic. It isn't something I've ever talked about, and it's still in progress in terms of overcoming it. It was actually really hard just writing it out because it brought up so many pent of feelings I'd never addressed before. I just don't know what else I can write about that isn't super pessimistic.

[@lissa4750]

Academically speaking, I am a golden girl. High GPA, great extracurriculars (I speak 8 languages and I am a founder of a NGO that operates nationally, but I'm also really good at sports, arts and sciences), teacher's and counselors per etc. I wanted to show my "human side" in my essays, so my personal statement is all about watching my father die in front of me at the age of 6, and how that has shaped me through the years. Apart from that, I also wrote an essay about being autistic and perfecting the word differently (I focused on writing on how I perceive colours, conversations, people's voice and characteristics. It's kinda hard to summarise but yeah). Honestly I'm very proud of my work so far. I don't want an admission officer to read my application and think I'm a robot or something when I've gone through so much stuff in my life - both bad and good. -

[@allielee]

wow you are impressive! best of luck :)

[@moirawu6686]

8 languages?? I speak 3 and I thought it would be good to write about 😭😭

[@eli69446]

@@moirawu6686 I speak 4 and I was all flexing in my essay xD

[@taasinbinhossainalvi9173]

Nice 🤓🤙

[@user-yr3uj6go8i]

8 languages learned already while you're still young? How?

[@neffk]

Such an interesting video. Really unique content and told in the friendliest possible way.

[@pinlux]

Great advice and you spoke about it quite diplomatically about the cliches. Yes, some experiences aren't quite as unique as some people assume.

[@SaraJasim100]

I think I’m going to write about my immigrant background but I just wanted to know if I should keep moving forward with this idea. My parents moved here a few days before I was born from Iraq and the Iraq war started when I was 2. I grew up with a strong distaste towards America because my country was in shambles because of the one I was living in and upon entering high school people kind of knew me for my strong opinions. I didn’t like to associate myself with being American and I considered Iraq my only home. I visited when I was 16 and I realized that I’m a lot more American than I think I am and since then I’ve really started to make peace with being both American and Iraqi. I’m also channeling that rage I had when I was younger into something more productive - I want to major in international affairs with a concentration on the Middle east. It’s obviously going to be a lot more detailed tho

[@grrlfromhell4595]

Sara Jasim this is actually a rly good idea, I’d read ur essay

[@EyeLean5280]

Hi, I'm a mentor at a learning center for homeschool teens. With our help, our center's kids so far have 100% success rate of getting into the colleges of their 1st choice. Before my current job, I taught in all sorts of schools for 20 years and over that time helped lots of kids get into their preferred schools and get awards and scholarships. I think your idea is fabulous! And while I somewhat agree with Jennifer Sheu, I think you can mention your earlier rage IF you make it clear that you came to see later that it was based on a gap in understanding or empathy. You can put it like, "I thought I was furious at my new country, but then I saw I was ___________________." Do end your essay on a compassionate note, when it comes to the US. This is where you'll be studying after all.

[@agnescoleman9556]

Jennifer Sheu I would disagree, she/he has a good positive resolution to the problem, and often college admins are impartial to topics like these.

[@SaraJasim100]

Namjoon Handsome Benedict cummberbatch 1 yeah it very much wasn’t a misunderstanding of the culture. I was born and raised here, so it’s not foreign to me. The important part is how bitter I was and how I was able to redirect that towards something productive (aka my major) and show emotional growth

[@EyeLean5280]

@@SaraJasim100 Great essay idea. I think you can run with it.

[@cruziero15]

"You know when you apply to grad school, I don't know why you'd know that if you're watching this video." Masters student watching this in preparation for a PhD application :(

[@Kathleen19960212]

Preparing for a PhD application too lol Good luck to you :)

[@ritikasingh4184]

PhD applications seem like a whole new other gamble!

[@mridulsharma3449]

Good content here!!Big fan of yours Danielle!

[@mytech6779]

I've been a scholarship essay judge and I agree with all of the points in this video. Especially the hardship tropes, most of the cases are presented in a way that shows a person that is just blown around in the wind rather than taking positive control of their own person and situation.

[@faithlesshound5621]

This video popped up at the top of the list so I watched just out of curiosity since I got into Edinburgh University 50 years ago, when there was a single form for up to five UK institutions, and only a small box (if I remember rightly) for personal interests. I got in without any interview. Job applications over the years featured a similarly small box for "interests, " so I pretended to go in for sport and outdoor leisure since this country distrusts intellectual pursuits. The compulsory "personal statement" horrifies me, but it seems to fit in with the confessional nature of American society. But haven't studies over the years shown essays to be a highly inaccurate means of assessing knowledge, and interviews equally poor for evaluating applicants? Bearing in mind that nowadays the majority of school leavers are applying to college, there must also be vast numbers of people reading their essays, so I would guess that not only do the students not know what they are doing, but the selectors at the other end do not either. I suspect a lot of emotional energy is being expended to little end.

[@cartoondeathnoises8756]

Lol I never used "passion" in any of my essays because I never really felt passionate towards anything. But I did of course mention that I've grown up surrounded by technology and always being interested in how it works and can be used and changed to be more efficient, safer, and overall work more for the betterment of the world(can you tell I want to be a cs major?). I worded it better in the writing, but hopefully that's better than just going, "ah yes, my passion for computer science is immense, take me"

[@ronkumar7071]

Best realistic advice ever!! Thank you

[@AHGChicagoIL]

Thank you for being brave by sharing this important insight👍

[@LadyHawke78]

If I had to write an essay like this nowadays, I would write about how I do not consider myself a victim and how I value personal responsibility over collective grievance. I’d write about some of the more challenging events in my life, and how I figured stuff out on my own by thinking creatively. I would also emphasize the importance of being a free thinker. I’m sure I’d get ZERO acceptance letters in current year despite my academic credentials... 😂😂😂

[@rickwrites2612]

Trauma has to be specific and unique to be used, but also curated and employed very carefully. I edit college essays. I recently had a student who had this approach and it required heavy editing. If you're using trauma, the focus needs to be on your ability to cope, problem solve, tenacity and how it made you a more mature, understanding and interesting person. The focus needs to be how this made you an even better candidate, it changed you and gave you sonething unique and additional to offer BESIDES your diversity or perspective, with actual examples (my mothers suicide drove me to invent x or volunteer y , etc). There can be no hint that there are any negative lingering affects, they dont want studebts eith emotional issues that will affect their study or attendance. Very few people have the right kind of hardship story to be used in an essay and even when they do, they are not going to be able to curate it to their advantage without help by looking at it from an admissions view. Going to this school is the obvious continuation of your journey. Also if youre an engaging writer, that helps with this, if they feel they're sucked into the story, though that's more of a humanities major skill set.

[@arlenaholmes]

This is valuable....the perspective as well as the info.

[@littlebrookreader949]

Put Your Best Foot Forward. Choose what can be relayed in a clear, concise, and positive way, uniquely you, and praise worthy. Keep it interesting and simple. Great topic! 👍👍

[@ccchhhrrriiisss100]

Wow, Danielle! This is an amazingly helpful video! I've assisted plenty of family members and friends with editing their college admission and scholarship essays. I have to explain to them several things from the start: 1.) You have an audience -- the reader(s). It may be an admissions officer (or multiple admissions officers) from a school OR an individual deciding the distribution of scholarships. 2.) This is your chance to tell a story. Tell that story well. 3.) Don't try to pull any overused "poor me" sob stories/tropes. This is not the first round of American Idol. 4.) Why is this story you want to tell relevant to who you are as a person and why you should be awarded admission to a college and/or scholarship funds? 5.) Does this essay offer enough personality or reflection of your character which will make you STAND OUT from the essays that others will write? Will the reader think about what they are reading? Will they remember this essay (or the things in this essay)? EDIT - There is one more important thing to remember. These essays should show that you are confident, intelligent, curious and, very importantly, you would not only fit into the college's culture but that you would THRIVE at this school (or with scholarship funds).

[@kapnkerf2532]

Wonder what Olivia Jade's essay was like for USC? The poor Asian kid hired to write it would have to figure out how to spin the love of Gucci products into a reason for matriculating.

[@healinggrounds19]

I doubt she had to even write or pretend to write one.

[@brockobama257]

This is the best college essay advice video I've seen

[@AurnobTrumpet]

I got let into Crafton Hills Community College using these tips! Really needed the help! Thanks so much!

[@AurnobTrumpet]

Facts

[@Viper4ever05]

Unless you're going to Harvard, MIT, Stanford, or any other elite school. Don't waste your time or money. Go to a community college for 2 years then transfer into a bigger school. No SATs, no college essays, less debt, and no stress.

[@madelynbarajas5001]

You’ll still need to transfer into a 4 year college after those two years

[@Viper4ever05]

@@madelynbarajas5001 I just said that but you avoid standardized testing and college essays.

[@duomusicoffical]

I wrote about my escape from Africa during the 2nd Congolese war

[@gamermk2]

Adrian K very interesting topic

[@betiedu]

Oh.. Kosovo also had a war during that period of time, best of luck to you and your family.

[@overlycreative1]

Many valuable insights for any person wishing to express themselves honestly to others in any setting. Good video and worthwhile for me persoanlly.

[@anastasiab201]

thank god for this video! it really helped

[@BladexZero12]

Me: going into my 3rd year of college Me: *still clicks on video*

[@Rachel-zf2wm]

Me: is in eighth grade Me: *watched video... Just in case

[@0siiris]

Ive been watching videos like this since 8th grade too... yet somehow I am still starting my essay 8 days before the Georgia Tech early action deadline 😐

[@matchasketch8224]

Osiiris OMG good luck! Also writing essays this year, didn’t start yet hahaha XD

[@miles3026]

That’s when you should start getting ready and thinking about college. A lot of people wait until their junior/senior year to think about and make plans for college but that’s way too late

[@rishabbomma9361]

Lol

[@ellahughes771]

lol same been thinking about this stuff since day one. I'm from a family of very serious academics and I've been talked to about this stuff for as long as I remember. It has sort of made me obsessed with college admissions, even though I've got years before the rest of my siblings (all older) and peers even start(ed) considering such things. Yup, definitely a bit of an obsession.

[@dougimmel]

I love this video's World War II feeling: the great wired headphones in the ears and the handheld microphone, the yellow tint to the room, and how small it is. Holding onto the door trim was a great touch. I am serious.

[@reyrey4993]

Idk why but I just love the way you talk:)