ARE ASIAN BRIDES FORCED TO LIVE WITH IN-LAWS? EP 9 || BITTER TRUTH SHOW

#INLAWS #BRIDE #ASIAN
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[@AliDawah]

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[@anasshuaib5436]

BROTHER PEOPLE ARE WITH THEIR FAMILY BECAUSE OF ECONOMIC WOES BECAUSE MUSLIMS DONT TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER BECAUSE OF INFLATION AND RISE OF COSTS

[@thebesttruth4659]

May Allah protect innocent Muslim Balochistan family😔 and other innocent Muslim family😔 too in Pakistan Pakistan stop kidnapped and killed innocebnt family😔

[@samhadiliya]

What are we meant to do to our parents ali dawah know it all. Put them in a home. I live with my parents my wife and 2 children Alhamdulillah. I have 2 brothers and we argued over who wants to take care and live with mum and dad me being the youngest my mum dad decided to live with me and I happily accepted. I don't tell my wife to look after my parents she happily does it. its my farz to look after my parents. So wat if couples are newly married you have ur own bedroom. My mum and dad are 80 plus bro take this video down you cause fitnah with it. You giving a wrong msg to the youth stating that don't live with them. Strongly disagree with this video shame on you Ali wallahi I follow you alot on this matter disagree with you keep saying the hadith regarding mother in islam mother mother mother then father.

[@samhadiliya]

I'll take all that back cos Ali wat you said at the end summarised it all. Sorry Ali bro wallhi I follow you and love ur videos I'm sorry 4 getting emotional on the matter love you my brother Ali ❤️ ♥️

[@ismailahmed2501]

@@samhadiliya Its Ok Bro. Everyone gets emotional. Ali Dawah is a good man and so are you.

[@suf-star7866]

If you don't want to live with in laws first establish this, second don't ask for £30-50k wedding. That's 4 years worth of rent. Don't ask for glamourous wedding and be a princess one day and prisoner for rest of life

[@turningaround7842]

You should be on the podcast as well, well said sir. To be fair, sometimes its the parents who force the Glamorous wedding to fit there status, that's another story anyway.

[@fabriceharris3364]

If like me, your father becomes very ill, your mother is tired and old and you KNOW in your heart (like me) than he will likely not live more than 3 to 5 years. Will you let your own parents live alone because your queen selfish wife wants to be alone in her castle ? Let me tell you something, someone who marry such a woman and accepts the "condition" you mentioned, is worse than an animal !

[@ArbitraryZer0101]

The good ol "make zina cheap and what's halal expensive" enforced by people trying to impress strangers who dont give a damn about them. People and culture always get in the way

[@Blaze0071]

Well one side is that, if there are unamrried siblings who can take care of the parents, then you should be looking at your own place. Also, it's gonna be awkward when you're trying to get hot n' heavy whilst your family is just across the hall.😅

[@suf-star7866]

@@Blaze0071 I agree but most people cannot find their own place generally unless they have enough to move out rent etc my thing is that sisters shouldn't ask for 10k+ Mehr and expect big wedding if they don't want to live with in laws unless the brother is super rich then go for it it's your life lol

[@Ntwadumela266]

If you live with male siblings, imagine your wife having to cover up in her own house outside her bedroom, imagine not being able to be intimate and comfortable in your own space because your parents are sleeping in the next room. Nah, sounds like a headache and detrimental to your intimate life. Hard pass

[@shahidabdoullakhanzorovr1564]

Some of these guys who keep whining about women not living with their in-laws must be lowkey dayyuth. Are they really okay with their wives living in such close proximity with any brothers they might have? Even worse if there's an extended family living together and now she's around HIS male cousins. No thanks.

[@edinibric2378]

My brother and his wife and his baby are living in our crib we got 3 brothers here. I’d say i love my sister in law and this only increased out relationship all around. And ofc this is a short term thing

[@mizbrob7703]

So what happens when kids come along? Are they still gonna be intimate outside of the bedroom? Are they still gonna be loud etc?

[@susanneal6063]

@@mizbrob7703 Kids are so unaware at Night i can tell you. Also Kids go to School and Kindergarden so there is always Space for beeing Loud and free. Also Parents in Law get very Jealous of the Sons Sex Life( Believe me i had experienced it) a Kid doesnt walk around his Parents Bedroom if you give them clear Rules.

[@susanneal6063]

@@shahidabdoullakhanzorovr1564 Lets not forget how many Skandals happen in such Familys where Affairs with the Brother in Law happens! Doesnt mean always but it is very dangerous. And for those who say its like your Brother, in the Past when a Husband died the Wife married his Brother. Far away from beeing equal like a Blood Brother.

[@booklovers1560]

The problem is the mother in law has had an unromantic marriage herself due to the joint family system, where hugging your spouse, holding hands, giving a light kiss on the forehead while departing, complimenting each other on small things was a taboo and out of question. Love was nothing but creating children in the darkness of bedroom and there was no genuine love and romance. She would be covered from head to toe in front of her husband all day long. They could not share a laugh or joke or giggle. So her life revolved around her children whom she loved, hugged, kissed and cared for every moment. The love that she lacked in her life, she tried to locate in and associate with her children. This leads to 3 things: 1. Same expectations from daughter in law, who belongs to a whole new generation and has different expectations from married life 2. Mother being as jealous of daughter in law as she would be of a co-wife because in her eyes, her daughter in law has 'snatched' her son from her. 3. Son expecting her wife to behave and adjust to joint family system just like her mother was doing. There is a saying, bad mother in laws make bad mother in laws but I think bad marriages make bad mother in laws. This then becomes a vicious cycle. If the parents in laws themselves enjoyed a healthy romantic life, they would tell their sons and daughter in laws to go and enjoy themselves.

[@Falasteen7urra]

You hit the nail on the head. I grew up with parents who loved and adored one another. I always witnessed affection and love between them growing up and now that my mother is a mother in law she really could care less and doesn't get involved. She doesn't want anyone living in her house because she likes having her own space and my parents are always traveling and enjoying one another's company mashaAllah. Opposite of my mother in law who attached to her sons instead of her husband and didn't have the best marriage. The dynamics are very different.

[@Musaiftekhar]

This is very true. The whole concept of wife snatching son away from mother is a concept based on emotional incest. It is unhealthy and frankly unislamic. But many desis dont care. They keep saying "mother over wife" as if the 2 are co wives.

[@tsr1903]

Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes. Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world; ● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible. ● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive). In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally. With that said, living with your wife and brothers in the same house is a complete no, and I would rather stay unmarried if that were the case. I myself live with my parents only and help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common for this reason - so what am I supposed to do? ● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not? ● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth? There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas. Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.

[@booklovers1560]

We all should be conscious of Allah swt in whose name we ask each other our rights. Let no one complain to Allah swt about us. Regarding marriage we should try to put all efforts into it making it beautiful and stable. Small compliments, kind words, words of praise, assurance and encouraging each other to sabr

[@shahee6579]

Wow very profound . Best comment I've seen

[@abdullachoudhary6572]

Brother Zeeshan is so damn articulate and historically adept. Great insights from him 100%.

[@talhahOne]

I agree totally, he knows his stuff

[@xmary.]

@@almurabitun idk what white people have to do with it, they don’t even have it in their culture

[@FulanFulan22]

@@almurabitun you clearly need education smh. It’s not about the culture cos if that’s the case then follow the Islamic position which is to move out?

[@symmercool7672]

@@almurabitun He DID state a fact. You must SEE outside. Even TODAY, people ( in Ind, Pak and Bgl) cannot afford their own houses, let alone get separate properties for both the parents or the spouse. Having said that, it is also true that, troubles do happen a lot in joint families, pressure does build up and there are pretty tough times too. If only all are rich like Arabs or other middle eastern people. :)

[@symmercool7672]

@@rbmrbm-gx3st you see. I am not against staying alone. But why is it so difficult for you to comprehend the fact that, in South asian countries, people cannot AFFORD houses. That's 90% of the time.

[@AliDawah]

Those who are insulating sister Naznin should fear Allah swt! All our sisters who come to the show should be shown utmost respect even if you differ with her. She made some very key and valid points and I agreed with most of the things she said which is true.

[@NaeemAli-bb1qn]

@@jacob4114 Yh cold

[@A.mj.k]

Turn off the comments. it's all fitnah.

[@Abuzahid150580]

This whole conversation is a very very controversial issue to be honest until this day!!? Here and in every country especially with Asians., sorry not to disturb brother zeeshan but it is the truth!! I seen happening still now!!

[@A.mj.k]

Do not insult anyone brothers and sisters. May Allah guide us all and bless us. Allahumma Sali ala Muhammad

[@paksallion]

​@@Abuzahid150580 if it happens you should ask the question why did she choose him Instead of all the other loving, caring men. Women need to forget the looks and just deal with good traits.

[@youtubeuser9168]

Do you know that here in the subcontinent hijabis/niqabis are finding it more difficult to get married, most of the parents aren't getting their son married with a religious woman because they know she'll need her own space, she'll avoid contact with males etc. Most of the women who live with in laws are forced to free mix with male relatives such as husband's brother, his sister's husband, and when she refuse she's being told " if you have to live in OUR home then follow our rules otherwise you can go to your parents house" Just imagine how it feels like when you leave your parents home to live with your husband but you're being told " it's not your home" Many women even sacrifice their religious values just for the sake of " fitting with inlaws" because she don't want to make her parents sad.

[@NisasHenna]

Exactly that and more.

[@zachkhan4411]

Extremely valid point

[@shahidabdoullakhanzorovr1564]

Madness. And then they wonder why these cow worshippers are giving them trouble.

[@Precious4ever]

The reason these in laws don't want hijabis and nikabis is because these girls maybe studied Islam and don't believe in culture so these girls will have a voice and shut the in laws up if they cross the line 😂 so the cultural in laws are too scared they won't be able to treat these types of humans as slaves in their homes.

[@SunnahTaqwa]

Personally went through this. 100% true.

[@mary.t.74729]

The guy in the white shirt made so many valid points as to why people live with in-laws and actually brought the other side of the arguement on his own, so well done to him! Maybe a more diverse panel in future? So beforehand you know there are three people arguing for and three people arguing against ?

[@sayeeed1303]

True. And the women on the far right was obsessed with men following sunnah yet she ain't even following the fardh of wearing proper hijab.

[@royalhehe]

@@sayeeed1303 Fear Allah. Do you really think you're going to pull people to the religion by speaking in such a way.

[@hazetube3282]

pull up skkrrr he was 1 man army

[@sayeeed1303]

@@royalhehe yes. I do fear Allah. That is why I am calling out a hypocrite as I should. It seems like you don't fear Allah as you hate the truth.

[@susanneal6063]

@@sayeeed1303 Giving someone the Name of Hypocrite is Dangerous. You cant call People Names as you wish.

[@mohpat9989]

Mashallah to brother Zeeshan may Allah bless you for explaining the Asian culture in such an articulate way and mashallah to all guests

[@zuhairlunat2199]

These discussions are so important and necessary! Thank you for developing this show- may Allah give this project barakah and support those who need to hear these talks the most 🤲🏽 ameen

[@IsmailKamdar]

Everybody's situation and family is different. When I got married 17 years ago, we lived with my mum for two years until we could afford our own place. Then we lived on our own for 14 years. Now my wife's mother lives with us due to changed circumstances. Such is life, there is no one way of doing such things, as life is a test and we all go through different phases in our lives.

[@tsr1903]

Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes. Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world; ● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible. ● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive). In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally. I myself live with my parents and help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common for this reason - so what am I supposed to do? ● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not? ● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth? There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas. Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.

[@salahabas3780]

please upload the documentary Ep 2. I am really excited can't wait, may Allah bless you 🙏

[@abdullahimahamudbile]

I don't really know what's wrong with the guy?!!

[@muzamilmuzamil9428]

Wait till 2050

[@Blaze0071]

Well one side is that, if there are unamrried siblings who can take care of the parents, then you should be looking at your own place. Also, it's gonna be awkward when you're trying to get hot n' heavy whilst your family is just across the hall.😅

[@dontrush5980]

Salah Abas 😁 innallaha ma'as sabireen!😊

[@Amatullah_1]

My husband had a room in his parents house and suggested that I come and live with them. I refused, because how can I live with strangers and non mahrams and share the kitchen and bathroom with them? That means, the only place I don't need a hijab is in the bedroom. Islamically, I'm not even allowed to eat with a brother in law at the same table. How could I cook my food when the living room is connected to the kitchen? In that case, I wouldn't of left my room. My husband wouldn't have enjoyed the nice hot meals after work. What about intimacy between husband and wife, knowing the in laws are in the next room? Also ghusl. There's no privacy at all and everybody would know your business. Imagine washing your night clothes that only your husband is meant to see and hanging them in front of your in laws 😂 We rented a small flat and everything was fine. Nowadays, people think they need to "own" a house, they're too ashamed to rent. I believe living separately helped our marriage be where it is now

[@AM-bm9rs]

your right most people in this comment section are just brainwashed by their culture tbh as a brother i could never let my wife live in the same house as other people

[@awrjkf]

All excuses to be a treacherous wife who wants to distance the husband from his family

[@AM-bm9rs]

@@awrjkf what husband wants to live with his family instead of his wife? he must be gay

[@tsr1903]

Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes. Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world; ● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible. ● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive). In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally. I myself live with my parents and help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common for this reason - so what am I supposed to do? ● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not? ● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth? There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas. Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.

[@AM-bm9rs]

@@tsr1903 Your third option was correct. You should never get married

[@ssy1412]

When i got married all of my husbands siblings lived with us and his married sister. His mom left two weeks after with her husband. She told my brother in laws they have to use our bathroom because the other bathrooms are reserved for the sisters. My mother in law then called me and told me her other sons are my sons as well So there’s no hijab with them. I was suppose to baby them and I did while Being pregnant otherwise my husband would hear crap. Where I was suppose to be up at 8 in morning their daughters slept till 12 or 3pm. Asking for cooked food. We eventually moved out after 3 years. My in-laws were mad. In-laws and especially Asian ones say you are their daughter only to abuse you. There’s a stark difference between how they treat their daughters and others.

[@Expiringsoon]

​@@Musaiftekharlies! There's no obedience for in laws. Only obedience for husband!

[@Expiringsoon]

@@Musaiftekhar lies. Don't lie on Islam. A woman is not required by obedience to do things for her inlaws. It is in fact sadaqah and if she does it she will be rewarded. If she doesn't cook and clean for her mother in law she will not be sinful.

[@MH-bf4uu]

​@@Musaiftekharfalse

[@faay8912]

​@@Musaiftekhar I think you need read about Islam your are totally wrong subhanallah may Allah guide you

[@marytheraspberry3145]

@@Musaiftekhar first understand what obedience is from a fiqh point of view.

[@talhahOne]

Mashallah some serious discussion, and much needed for the whole ummah. You all made some very good points. Keep up the great work Inshallah. Wasalaam

[@seyendeye4783]

Another one 🙏🏽always excited to see Ali and his guests 😊😊

[@youtubeuser9168]

The people who haven't lived in the joint family cannot understand the problems it brings.

[@BeanieBanta]

Too true wallahi. I've lived in an extended family all my life and all I see is clashes and blame games. Not to say there isn't those moments of affection, but living in a nuclear family definitely minimises all those problems a whole lot.

[@alphauno6614]

Will living on your own make life a paradise? Unless you married a 40 year old you is now well off, life on your own will mean being financially tight for a loooong time. Is it worth it?

[@harrytenn4867]

Those who live alone, especially young, loose their culture and values.

[@mk-19memelauncher65]

How do you deal with the noise making at night? It sounds like a nightmare.

[@ghazalabi2607]

I think it is important for husband and wife to live separately and have their own space to get to know one another and build a strong foundation for marriage and also bringing up children. When living with in-laws you are not only getting to know your husband and learning about each other, you also have the added pressure to get to know the in-laws too. In-laws may interfere etc and that's not healthly for the married couple.

[@zakirchoudhury9206]

You are 100% correct. That is exactly why I live separately from my family. But it is not always possible due to certain circumstances e.g., finances, elderly parents.

[@Biekoe]

Unfortunately it aint that easy nowadays with the high prices. Not many people can afford to live seperstely

[@abdulershad6388]

What if you don't want to know her? This dunya is temporary, as long as she is loyal and does her duty.

[@zaynabdaniyal]

While I do agree, it's almost important to mention that every situation is different too. When my and my husband got married almost 9 years ago. We was young and my husband wasn't in the financial position for us to live separately and comfortably at the beginning and I knew going into the marriage I would have to live with my husbands sister and brother in law and their 2 children temporarily Atleast for a year or a couple of years. I compromised and move in and alhamdulilah it worked out good for us, they let us live our own life, at points their was disagreements and misunderstandings like with any family but me and my husband moved out happily after 2 years by choice when we was able to afford our own house,but my first child was born whilst living with my sister in law and it brought me very close to her and we bonded and have had a very strong relationship since that point and as my family live far away it was amazing having her their as a first time mum and helping with my new baby and it made us have a strong relationship and we are still close to this day we are together almost every weekend if not every weekend every other weekend as a family so I actually found it helped and benefitted me alot. I also am close family friends with one family who live with the mother and father in law and they have done so for years and live happily. Every situation is different and some times living with in laws does work out as long as the in laws are willing to give the couple space, don't get too involved and let them do what they want to do it can work and can be a happy living situation.

[@zakirchoudhury9206]

@@zaynabdaniyal The key thing you mentioned was that 'Your husband could not afford to move out'. A lot of women these days suggest that a man who can't afford to move out should not even consider getting married. In-spite of the fact that over 50% of the population in London probably could not afford to rent a 1 bed property let alone buy one. Men who can't afford to move out are considered immature and not ready for marriage. It's good that your life with in-laws went well. It is not the same for everyone as you have mentioned. But a man not moving out due to practical reasons is considered un acceptable these days.

[@Theo-fc7et]

As an Arab dude, we kinda have something similar in villages and farm areas but nothing close to what south Asians do… I feel like people are being judgmental on this… Zeeshan is being unfairly judged here… at the heart of it it comes from necessity, maybe because of land… but personally in my family my mother has a room in every sons house or apartment… she knows she is welcomed everywhere. This is very important especially when the father passes away… my mom has one in my house and she comes and stays… she usually sides with my wife on everything tho lol

[@ramshahere2225]

That's so nice.She visits and stays at each son's place , I'm wondering does she stay at her own place alone or with a son's family? No offense just wondering

[@yazuka2023]

اتفق مع كلامك وعنا حتى الامهات ما يحبون يثقلون على ولادهم المتزوجين يعني يعرفون حدودهم مدري احسهم بالغوا شوي

[@Theo-fc7et]

@@ramshahere2225 Every house is hers lol… she usually stays a month in each house..

[@Theo-fc7et]

@Mafia_Valor ameen

[@theonef570]

@@Theo-fc7et I am curious, I thoughts Arabs do the same thing as South Asians where the wife moves into her in laws home.

[@kekebrown6715]

Amazing podcasts. Enjoy watching and do learn a lot from them. Please keep doing more inshallah

[@compassion333]

I used to live that life and its a nightmare. Its worse when you wear a niqab. You can't eat with everyone else. Cover face all the time. Wear abaya 24/7. Adult brother in laws in the house. Couldnt even have long showers or do ablution peacefully because people were always waiting or i was waiting for others to come out of toilet. Embarrasing but once I couldn't hold it...thank Allah I left that slavery

[@Lullabyforbabies000]

Same here sister it was just horrible especially when they lied to me that my brother in laws new wife will live with us too but she lived separate. They tried to fool me and made me a maid in the house because his mom was bored. As her daughter left her now I had to look after her. She wasn't sick or anything like that just bored at home. And I had to entertain her. I spent 2 years caged at home because she didn't like to go out entertaining her and I also lived with my brothers in law once they by mistake entered room and saw me without hijab and many other things happened when my privacy was invaded it was hell for me and I wouldn't suggest it to anyone. If a man wants to live with his parents and they don't really need assistance he is just lazy and stingy. He shouldn't be allowed to get married at all because he will abuse and oppress the woman he marries .

[@razamughal9095]

@@Lullabyforbabies000 so did you get a divorce?

[@Lullabyforbabies000]

@@razamughal9095 yes I did and don't regret it as I found someone who made me happy and also takes care of his parents too. I didn't have unrealistic expectations we lived in studio flat and had very small wedding just Nikah. And went out to eat. If a woman is willing to live like that I believe you can live separate and my husband doesn't earn a lot. But we are happy as it is. And bare in mind in my first marriage I was looking after his mom which had 4 kids while my mom was alone in a foreign country no one cared for her! As I'm the only daughter! So yeah I find some men selfish and hiding behind taking care of their parents while it's actually their wives who cook clean and take care of husbands parents while neglecting their own parents !!!!

[@razamughal9095]

@@Lullabyforbabies000 so what you are saying is that you are a secret wife. to an already maried man.

[@Lullabyforbabies000]

@@razamughal9095 why did you assume that ? It's your own conspiracies.

[@makelessmess7716]

In laws should live close enough so you can go every day and within walking distance but not same house. Lived with in laws and then in laws lived with us. Was a disaster. Never had any privacy day or night. Always people over. Always judged. Constantly making food and tea. Cleaning house always a mess. People popping in kids staying over. Nowhere was off limits including the bedroom.

[@zaze8376]

True.

[@youtubeuser9168]

True, here in some cultures the women aren't allowed to even close the door of her bedroom all day except at night. Anyone comes inn any time and don't even bother to knock.

[@worshipthecreator9081]

​@@youtubeuser9168That's one place where you should definitely have your privacy... IT'S YOUR ROOM

[@zaze8376]

​@@youtubeuser9168 as an introvert I find this horrible!

[@youtubeuser9168]

@@zaze8376 it's just one of the small things of what happens in a joint family, there's a huge listt!!

[@anitaannie6957]

I would never defend my son or daughter if I saw them oppressing their spouse. I could never be dishonest to myself and also teach my child that it’s ok to oppress… Never…

[@12gmkk29]

I would

[@anitaannie6957]

@@12gmkk29 well I would never keep quiet if I saw my kids being oppressive… Allah says we should be, just even if it’s against our family… Sura nisa 135: O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allāh, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allāh is more worthy of both.1 So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allāh is ever, of what you do, Aware.

[@anitaannie6957]

@M💎 Djouamaa ameen

[@JalalUddin-us9ez]

May Allah bless you with happainess in this dunya and akhirah Aameen​@@anitaannie6957

[@Aliyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

This was very beneficial and insightful Jzkla khr Ali dawahs wife for coming up with this topic may Allah bless u and all on the podcast Amin

[@mohammedvawda3928]

Great discussion. Much needed

[@synsept]

I'm a man and from the south Asian background and all those points raised about problems with inlaws is a fact!. Hope ali dawah you do more series on this topic alone

[@sweettea1193]

Imagine starting a new relationship with little to no privacy...and having to wear hijab inside your own home due to annoying brother inlaws hanging about everywhere. Just nope! I could not live like that. Hopefully the new generation of desi Kids will abolish this Hindu tradition of joint-family system...

[@mk-19memelauncher65]

Their low test levels probably render that first problem irrelevant

[@theOxlade]

I completely am into your contents brother Ali. Especially this bitter truth show. It can definitely be beneficial for the ummah. Keep up the good work and may Allah bless you. Love and respect from Kurdistan 🤍

[@Sally-ng8hv]

I noticed a lot of Asians talk about the housing market being so expensive for rent or buying so they are suggesting wives live with the family. Yet this is the same demographic that will casually spent £50,000 for a wedding! A single night! That’s several years of rent or a downpayment. So clearly it’s not money that is your concern. It’s having the wrong priorities. You would rathe have a couple extra bands a month to spend on traveling and useless posessions than giving their wife the DIGNITY of her own space where she can let her hair down.

[@Din.Djarin]

​@f3mcell ur a femcel, silence femoid...

[@JawadAli-ti4sy]

Great observation

[@Random_edits130]

Absolutely correct. There are people with money and they have enough to buy or rent their own property. Yet, they will still expect the wife to live with the husbands parents cause its "traditional" culturally. There are so many problems I have heard from this and its insane. The only time I feel this would be feasible is if the husband father or mother are terminally ill and need to be looked after. But if they are healthy and fine then there is no need for this living with in laws. Allhumdulliah Islam gives women the right to choose, and discussing these matters before marriage is important.

[@Bhooovi]

Brother zeeshan speaked sooo well ! Alot of support and love from india brother Jazak allah khairan !

[@wecarewecare3802]

Very good discussion and I think it depends based on each couples circumstances. Some parents are elderly need assistance etc. However, the benefit of having parents around when having children is so beneficial.

[@y2k704]

Interesting topic, i think in an ideal world having your parents or inlaws within walking distance is the best option, maintain privacy and also close enough to be able to come over and help if needed

[@angelinataherin3102]

Yes that's right

[@JalalUddin-us9ez]

True

[@farhanashaukat3536]

If a Muslim man foolishly decides to move his wife into his parents’ house where his brother(s) live, then he does so at his own RISK! A man once asked the prophet SAW about his brother living or visiting or being around his wife in his absence, and our Prophet’s advice was: Your brother is like DEATH! Meaning, don’t trust ANY man even your brother near your wife in your absence. So, having your wife live under the same roof as your brother or even father, is RECKLESS & DUMB as hell! Too many affairs happen under the roofs where extended families live. Sisters, marry a man who can afford to buy or rent his own house, even if it means marrying a more older, mature BUT financially stable man where you are not required to work as well 🙏

[@Musaiftekhar]

It is good that paternity tests are not mandatory, else it would be found than even in Muslim societies, quite a few kids were fathered by their father's brothers if they stayed ina a joint family.

[@official1bz708]

The way ali dawah try say anyways after he violated the Pakistani guy saying this is a big problem in your country and ur subcontinent🤣🤣🤣he violated

[@molaher5250]

I think it's what someone said at the beginning. It's not one size fits all. There's positives and negatives to both. Whatever works for you. Obv if in laws are getting involved in the marriage then it's an issue or if they are abusive/toxic. There have to be lines, understanding and boundaries. Thoroughly enjoyed this conversation. Very interesting and important discussion. Just to add to this if there are siblings in the house and it's a full house then it is best to move out.

[@a.a4836]

@Mafia_Valorthats just stupidity from the husband but then again thats another topic

[@sherazmalik2179]

MashAllah very important discussion. Please continue such important topics.

[@AR-ml9pe]

Alhamdulilah I didn’t have to ask my husband already knew and we established this before marriage . I have a great relationship with in laws . My MIL in fact wanted him to get his own place . As she always said in marriage one shouldn’t feel like one is living in prison . And I wouldn’t be able to be free of be able to walk around even in my pjs in the current situation . My mother also was happy with this. I know of women who are literally stuck in their bedrooms . Some don’t even eat or skip meals cause they can’t face Anyone . So sad However I am aware people can’t afford to get a place .

[@ihopeyourdayisgood]

And what about the in laws wanting a maid in the name of daughter in law?? It's not also rare in south asian houses

[@shayaropinthechat5513]

Bro, it's 21 century. That doesn't happen anymore. And if it does. I don't know what to say

[@ayanansari-in1dc]

congratulation brother for 1 million

[@maryamsh3254]

Really balanced and fair points from br Jibril and Zeeshan mashaAllah 👏

[@fnazneen2264]

Amazing commentary by brother zeeshan.

[@MrJnr786]

Salam brothers and sisters I got married young and we lived with parents happy privacy was a issue but we made it work May Allah grant my mother the highest rank jannah tul firdos My mother said (To my wife) "you are my daughter now and forever" She made these words true. I felt like my mother was on my wife's side all the time 😅 every discussion and argument. My mother supported my wife like a real daughter and it showed. Before my mother passed My wife cared for my mother more than my own sister. ❤ May Allah give My wife all she deserves and may Allah give me enough to provide this. The stereotypical view is inlaws treating the person very badly. I hope this isn't common as these brothers and sisters have made me think it is.

[@n.m.9121]

That's good but imagine the wife's mother is also ill. Why must she live her mother in law and not her own mother, heaven is at her mothers feet not mother in laws feet. She has an islamic duty to her parents also which is always overlooked in favor of the husbands parents.

[@MrJnr786]

@N. M. if her mother is ill she will go pakistan she will look after her mother and I will sent her funds as much as I can

[@susanneal6063]

I think that your Mother was so kind to her made it easy for your Wife to take care of her as she made it also out of Love and Respect for you Mother. It is so Important that we dont see the Person just as Daughter or Mother but as an Individual with an Personality, hobbys, likes and dislikes so there can be also Friendship.

[@rifatali8507]

@@n.m.9121 I think that applies if the wife doesn’t have any brother who can take care of their mom. It falls on the son. When wife gets married, her heaven is under husband feet and his heaven is under his parents feet. So her in laws become her new parents basically.

[@NaeemAli-bb1qn]

@@n.m.9121 this all depends on circumstances and if the wife has no brothers to look after her parents

[@safradash]

Never live with the in laws you'll never get on. You'll get on better when yr not living together

[@MohamedShou]

Remember guys none of the Sahabah’s when they got married ever lived with their parents. This is definitely a cultural thing and personally it’s not healthy, the only way my parents will move into my family is if she is severely ill or financially unstable. But I will try to get her into her own home because I can never feel comfortable and be intimate with my wife if I know my parents are in the home haha

[@sharmeenislam87]

I guess this is why speaking before marriage is important. It's difficult to foresee how things in life will unravel, especially with health and finances. There should be some space in the marriage to adapt to change. Life, health and finances never stay the exact same therefore I think it's unreasonable to expect a marriage of 10 years to be identical to day 1 of marriage. Young couples need to be aware that parents may need more of their time when parents are unwell, old or if a disaster has happened.

[@momofchampions7293]

This is issue in some cultures but not soemthing i have to worry about. In our somali community newly married couple are given so much space and encouraged to move to their own home so they can be quick with that grandbabies😂 traditionally after a baby is born then the mother of the wife will come to stay for a month to help with newborn ,thats how it was for me..plus i didnt have a wedding just nikkah and lunch for the whole community and we used the money for furniture and a comfortable house❤ i think it's really decision for both wife and husband to make on whether to live with in laws or have own space before getting married. More wives need to raise their voices on issues effecting them beforehand to save themselves from headache later😢 i see alot of sisters in the muslim community are in unhappy or abusive homes here in Australia walah😢

[@bablu9002]

great! Never knew the somali community is rather much more mature in these aspects

[@j86485]

Yep everyone is different so even outside of culture it just depends what you want and you look for a partner that wants the same things as you

[@j86485]

Since there's even non muslims living with their partner's family too

[@zakikonde5566]

​@@bablu9002 hhhhh

[@pacco2012]

I pray for all the men and women dealing with in-laws. Some of them can really destroy a household. My grandmother did an excellent job on that.

[@abzabdi2489]

Well it depends how dey been raised 🤷🏾‍♂️

[@zachkhan4411]

Hi son…..lol

[@kikikoko607]

😔 May Allah swt heal your heart and grand you paradise!

[@user-fk7sk9ut1t]

let's also not forget how some women can destroy a sons relationship with his parents

[@abzabdi2489]

@@user-fk7sk9ut1t well never seen a (man) his life or relationship destroyed by women or wife

[@irisjaye2265]

@AlDawah on topics like this, giving out information on how people could get help would be great. The brother at the end did a good thing by suggesting people reach out if they are being abused.

[@hm8489]

Of course we should take care of the elderly parents. But it doesn’t mean you have to live with the in-laws from the wedding until they die. Newlyweds especially need their own space and time to get to know each other. You can live close to them or temporarily live with them, but you also need to establish yourselves as a married couple. I have lived with the in-laws for many years, and went in with open mind. But it is complicated and you will need patience.

[@tsr1903]

Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes. Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world; ● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible. ● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive). In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally. I myself live with only my parents after having lived abroad and worked alone and now help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common and quick to come, and it takes an emotional toll on the man having to experience rejection repeatedly for years from the opposite gender, shoving under the carpet his aspirations and goals over and over again whilst being aware of people who are married and have wives and children around you, but all is easily brushed aside because you are a man - so what am I supposed to do? ● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not? ● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth? There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas. Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.

[@hm8489]

@@tsr1903 May Allah reward you for taking care of your parents. I know how it is in the West. Me and my husband started with nothing and we both had to work, and at times we were living with his relatives or had them live with us. It is not ideal, especially since some of them were not mahram to me. Sacrifices have to be made, and it is unreasonable to expect to have everything ready for you. Women have such high expectations these days. I married my husband when he had nothing and would still be here if he lost everything. Inshallah you will find a humble Muslim lady who will stand by you.

[@tsr1903]

@@hm8489 Ameen.

[@JalalUddin-us9ez]

​@@tsr1903mashAllah may Allah reward you bro with a good spouse and accept your parents duas for you and your future spouse and kids Aameen.

[@HA-df2qz]

Let me summarise the podcast: NEwlyWEDS DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH THEIR INLAWS BUT . BROTHERS ARE TOO SHOOK TO ADDRESS THIS WITH THEIR PARENTS. MANUP !

[@Faruk1189]

my mum is very elderly and relay on me alot, I have no other men living in my house, Alhamdullilah my wife, children, sister and my mother we all live together, dont get me wrong the a good times and rough times but its down to me to keep a fair balance, if these new modern muslimahs telling me to duck out and leave my mum they can jog on mate, InshaAllah i will do service for my mother for the sake of Allah.

[@aatamf8156]

No one is denying you live with ur older mother who relies on u

[@shahidabdoullakhanzorovr1564]

Nobody is telling you to duck out. People are just getting emotional here and conflating different scenarios with each other. Some women are okay with that arrangement, and others are not, and depending on given circumstances, neither one is in the wrong.

[@ladan3208]

It’s nothing to do with “modern Muslimah” it’s their God given right to have their own space.

[@simonesimone1101]

If your mother is older or sick that’s fine, we are talking about living with the full shibang, sibilings, parents ect…

[@user-fk7sk9ut1t]

@@ladan3208 they have their own bedroom

[@esthellakomerl8084]

The brother sitting bw zeeshan and Ali D has given so many valid points. The cost of living is very high. If the inlaws are nice people, then there are benefits in remaining in mil, fil home. There's no right and wrong. Every family is different. Zeeshan, once again showing his deeper level of wisdom.. My husband never was a 'mummy's boy' but he had a huge amount of respect and level of obedience to elders (he was the youngest) and he has always maintained a balance, in dealing with matters. Alhamdullillah.

[@JalalUddin-us9ez]

Nothing wrong with being mummy's boy. Buy if our mum's told us to go hit our wives we shouldn't do it. If my mum was alive today than I would love to be mummy's boy everyday.

[@JalalUddin-us9ez]

Your point is correct

[@somedonny8466]

That was a great episode

[@uniquet6880]

Just to add to brother Zeeshan’s point about where the culture is changing, it’s changing amongst the next generation who are born and raised in the English culture and whilst we may maintain some aspects of the Asian culture, we also adopt some positive aspects of the English culture too, education helps enormously in this regard. So the mindset towards marriage and in laws is changing amongst the Asian community

[@turtletoons1016]

@Numair Khan His point is that positive change is taking place.

[@Ss-un8ho]

The revert brother was v wise and well said

[@amaarbaburahmed6221]

Love your videos, watching them so far....an interetsing topic yet again... However it made me think what about these same people.....when they become old and have sons and daughters of their own. When married, whos spouse who will say to them we want our own place away from your parents or not interested. Would they be ok with that when the time comes??? Or what about ehen they need looking after in their old age???? Sometimes i feel when people meet for a rishta with intention to marriage, they dont seem to ask questions or look at long terms down the line thinking (15+ years)....But just my own thoughts snd ramblings, keep up the good work. P.S; Maybe i missed out in this video and will need to watch again or other videos that covers this

[@Falasteen7urra]

I personally would hate to be a burden on my kids. I’d want to live on my own for as long as possible. Ideally I’d like to die before ever needing them lol! My parents say the same thing even though we don’t like to hear it, but now that I’m a parent I get it. I’ve always been their protector and guardian and it’s weird to think they may need to change my diapers one day, and honestly I’d absolutely hate it. I’d rather a random nurse did it because I don’t like to be seen in such a vulnerable/feeble state by my children. I suppose it’s something to humble you in your old age but if I’m to be completely honest, I’d prefer for God to take me while I’m still healthy enough to take care of my self and have my senses. I would love to have them live nearby however.

[@majidkhan89]

Definitely communication is important from the very beginning.. the spouses need to be clear before marriage about living arrangments. The man needs to respect the decision of the woman if she decides she wants her own place (that is her right). If he cannot provide that, he needs to be clear about what he can provide. Whether they be living at inlaws permanently or temporarily, and then moving out at a later stage. Even going further and letting his potential spouse know how long they would be staying at in laws. I also do think women should ask questions about living arrangement and family dynamics if they agree to live with inlaws. They shouldn't just accept it and think it will be OK. They should ask questions about expectations of in laws and other family members, and how they expect to be treated.

[@justaboredhousewife7804]

Good episode. Everyone was respectful. There was no talking over one another. Everyone could bring their point across. I enjoyed listening to sister Naznin. She was clear and stayed on topic. Please have her on again.

[@naimam8212]

Imagine having to walk on egg shells, have intimacy with your in laws next door AND wear hijab in your own house 🤨. Every girl that has brothers has experienced having to wear hijab at home bc your brother had friends over or something, it’s annoying. Now imagine having to do that everyday? It’s suffocating. If you’re struggling financially you should probably get that sorted out before you decide to take a woman away from her comfortable living situation with her family. The least you can give her is a property, she can roam comfortably in. It’s not even about disliking your in-laws or not, they could be lovely people. It’s about boundaries. Living with in-laws feels too invasive. Also If your husband has a brother, he might be your brother in law, but he is not your mahram!That means you’re living with a non mahram, you’re free mixing. How is that appropriate?

[@user-fk7sk9ut1t]

The least you can give her is a property? she didn't marry a prince. this is why people fall into adultery because women expect the world which in today's economic environment isn't possible for a man to provide as a result they stay single too, Why would you wear hijab next to your mother and father-in-law

[@King-Sherry]

Women with your mentality deserve to be in a prison once you get married. You the type to make a man pick u over his mother. Never wife a thort like this lads. And ur name is naima u toxic *****

[@mizbrob7703]

Asking a man to provide a house or even rent his own place in London today is what's absurd... We have got to this point in time where most couples before us did live with laws... And there are many from them who are successfully married still with years of experience... What happens when the couple has kids... They still continue being intimate outside their own room and wearing whatever they want etc?

[@ibneadam9292]

@@mizbrob7703 well put! people are on such high horse these days w.r.t living standards.. would they accept a basic one room place where they have to work and take care of it like the Ummahat-ul-mumineen did. I'm not saying that Islamic boundaries of pardah, free mixing etc should be neglected but people have streched the definition of 'providing for a wife to marry'

[@Djdnr-bu3rd]

@@mizbrob7703 Okay, then move out of London. See if you want to be a dayooth and let your brothers see her roaming the house or being limited with intimacy then go ahead

[@zafarmher]

I’m the first person to watch this video ❤❤❤❤

[@hodanabdulkadir9019]

Jazakallaahi qayr all the guests in long time I used to wonder the idea why the Asian women when she got to married to live man’s family it’s something that’s hard to believe it but now the brother zasham explained amazing and I love that idea didn’t set with them good like always amazing episode

[@RaeesJacobs]

I agree with Zeeshan. It is incredibly difficult for young people even now to provide a roof over their heads.

[@MohamedShou]

Naaa just rent why do we need to buy an actual home in the dunya and unfortunately many Muslims in the West get mortgages 🤦🏾‍♂️. We are here only temporarily but because we have become poisoned money money it seems we need a big home with a big garden with big cars etc

[@RaeesJacobs]

@@MohamedShou I agree with you. This dunya ain;t worth the enslavement towards a mortgage. + you'd be making war with Allah by taking out these riba home loans. However woman's hypergamy tends to differ.

[@muzamilhotaki6628]

@@MohamedShou ain’t nobody tryna be stuck living check to check,it’s better to b financially free before getting married get money until 25 get married and do you.modern days it’s hard to find a good lady like r mothers

[@politicallyincorrect4126]

@@RaeesJacobsMost women are average and not working amazing jobs to have high standards. Also women’s value decreases every year the older they get and there’s been too many examples of older women in the 35-45 range who have made this mistake of being too choosy and finding that their options have decreased dramatically. They are regretting their past choices because when it comes down to it, you can’t change biology, once the window of fertility goes away it’s very hard to get it back. Women need to be more realistic and drop the high standards before it’s too late, or they will end up in the same predicament as these older women, find a good compatible brother who is responsible and hard working and who fears Allah, and you are at least somewhat physically and mentally attracted to because good hearted men are just as rare as rich men. Then learn to compromise and grow with that person because who how do you know you will find a good person again. Foregoing hypergamy is a smarter choice than holding onto it waiting forever and then missing out on the boat later on. There is nothing desirable about being single. The market is fierce after 35-38 for most women. You want to be alone forever or do you want to get your head straight and learn to cooperate with an average man? The choice is theirs.

[@z.3hra908]

Ali please talk more about turkish culture and bring awarness the bidah's our culture has. Thank you ali for all your hard work and may allah bless you and your family.

[@raalaa121]

May Allah make it easy for all of us. We all have challenges to overcome. So glad there are platforms to discuss everything openly it can ONLY lead to a better future for us all insha'allah.

[@htb4715]

The lady in the gray head scarfs right around the 26:00 onwards mark I think. The in laws even if well off will expect the daughter in law to live with them coz that’s all they know about how a family should be. My personal experience is the same. I actually get emotional blackmailed every time we visit my in laws that we ain’t living there. We are a combined family of 16 and my parents in law expect us to live in the same house without any conflict. 3 brothers their wives and two of these brothers have 3 kids each and one has two, two of these kids are now in their teens and the others are 5 and below. This is not practical and if all the women of the house enter the tiny kitchen it becomes suffocating at times. One daughter in law of the house pretends to be a victim that she has to clean everyone else’s mess when in reality there isn’t one but 3 women actually fully contributing which includes the mother in law in the work but one of them thinks that she’s the only one and accuses the others of not doing anything, when in reality only one daughter in law isn’t contributing but the one contributing is now actually being accused of being lazy and sitting in her room with her husband when in reality she had to spend time with her husband and work on her relationship with her husband, which this particular ‘victim’ can’t do for herself so she out of jealousy has to constantly make the lives of the other daughter in laws hell by lying to the parents in laws. Like this is not a healthy environment. I don’t agree with the guy in the white dress shirt coz the majority still wants to force the young kids to live in a joint family. I know a family where a mother wants a daughter in law so she takes over her job of cooking and cleaning!

[@user-qt4hg2vj7g]

My wife has lived with myself and my family for 5 years now in Sydney Australia Alhamdulillah, and now she has such a strong strong bond with my sisters, parents and even extended family that she herself said she wouldn’t have that bond of she didn’t live with them. We don’t live on seperate levels or in different sections. We are now looking for another place, but not because of any hatred or disputes, but we just need more room for a growing family now Alhamdulillah. Her friends have always tried to convince her it’s bad for her, and that living with in laws is unfair and she should exercise her right, but whenever they made a point on why it was unfair, she told me she didn’t feel like those issues applied to her. @AliDawah I really wish I was on this podcast to share why it happened, and what was done to make it work. It’s a really interesting story. It is first and foremost because of the mercy of Allah, then, In a nutshell, it was just a lot of patience, communication, wisdom and show of support and understanding of all parties. I agree, it’s not something I would recommend for others, but I think it would have been a massive eye opener to share how it can work.

[@esthellakomerl8084]

Well said.

[@flyinghorse2739]

Please release the Bitter Truth Episode which talks about mothers denying children access to their fathers. This issue needs to be addressed urgently

[@MS-dc2tt]

Yeah, Mahdi made a vid about that recently.

[@nafikhan9500]

very true!

[@SoldierOfGod22631]

@@naviifra2374 Yes, so if a wmn abuses her husband by taking his kids away from him, she should take accountability.

[@SoldierOfGod22631]

All our beloved "f'em'i'n'is't muslim" sisters wouldn't like that....

[@purrmoon4519]

@@SoldierOfGod22631 I believe every mother would not want their children are exposed to any sort of abuse from their abuser hence why they take that decision

[@airkatmama4]

I’m from USA my hubby is from PK i absolutely LOVE the house they all live in it’s all connected and there is always someone to talk to you never feel alone . Each family has their own space but it’s all within a communal home

[@ashine3]

Agree with Sister Naznin 110%. Mashallah her opinions made perfect sense.

[@MAhmed-zs2vp]

I love brother Zeeshan. He is very articulate

[@zachkhan4411]

Unfortunately some brothers lie or their families go shaitan mode - causes the daughter in law hell and sadness. It’s true in South Asian homes they do treat the daughter in laws bad and inhumane

[@user-fk7sk9ut1t]

Nowadays a shift has happened where it's almost opposite the daughter-in-law is or bad and humane and the in-laws themselves are actually trying to make it work

[@SoldierOfGod22631]

@@user-fk7sk9ut1t True. This happens in the west.

[@greenvector]

Not sure if it’s the guests, topic, or just experience, but of all the episodes, this was the most mature, measured and thoughtful. Inshallah more of this approach to come. Well done.

[@moonlover5076]

As a Paksitani and living in a joint family.. and living in this society since birth..living with inlaws has alot of bad effects on the marriage... no privacy..living with brother inlaws and their wives together.... people having hatred in their hearts toward each other.. children getting caught in the family politics..

[@safia5002]

It's more than just living with your in laws sometimes its about taking care of them and taking care of parents while taking care of children is not easy but the children get to enjoy the company of their grandparents and some in laws are actually kind and help with tarbiyah.

[@MH-bf4uu]

Who's taking care of the woman's family

[@sapphire_blue3657]

And who takes care of the women's family???

[@safia5002]

Well I was talking about the perspective of a women moving in with her in laws her parents have also haqq on her just like his parent has haqq on him. I believe that they should encourage each other to care of them within their capacity and with the help of their other family members. Maybe taking turn to care for them and work for that hasanat and show good examples to your own childrens.

[@IbrahimWaseem007]

Brother Zeeshan addressed the topics beautifully.

[@lutonzmn]

So many languages and brother jibreel chose to speak FACTS

[@sf-gs2mj]

Absolutely loved this video!!!!!!!!!! :) :) 😃 thank you Ali for giving a balanced view on your channel much appreciated. Also can you keep the Bengali sister on she was spitting facts and straight to the point JazakhaAllah

[@ukthiny]

Jazkallah, very appreciated

[@khurrumriaz8172]

The problem with the sister is like any youngster who think things life are black and white. Today the rents are too expensive it’s not just as simple as you can’t afford your own house I’m not going to marry you. With all due respect to the sister, if all sisters applied this approach to marriage, the level of marriages will plummet, not everybody can access a council flat. Sometimes you have to plan acquire a property and that take patience from both the husband and wife, not this blanket response of I ain’t getting married to you because you can’t afford your own home, majority of the time there is wisdom with living together so you can save and purchase a property, whereas you may struggle financially paying rent nowadays and still have conflict between spouses because of financial problems, but guess what your living separately now did you really achieve peace.

[@Precious4ever]

Because of this in laws issue alot of asian women want to marry revert brothers or boys from a totally different continent and culture.

[@Swaahqo]

I’m a revert from Brazil, when I heard Muslims in South Asia and Middle East still live with their parents and siblings after marrying I thought it was the weirdest thing ever, lol.

[@shah144]

funny thing is all girls from backhome want to get married and stay with inlaws, so jus marry them i guess

[@bablu9002]

​​@@Swaahqo not much the middle East. It's mostly South Asia. It's a Hindu custom that has persisted even after they became Muslim centuries ago

[@j86485]

Yeah that is the biggest factor of asian girls going for non-asian guys, they want to be with an asian man but their parents ruin it. Another reason is the girl having problems with her own family too like her dad or mum and thar causes her to not be close to ethnicity and culture. Most times that's what I hear and rarely because of reasons like they don't find them attractive or stuff like that. I know one asian girl who abandoned Islam astagfirullah because she had issues with her dad aka daddy issues and now she's dating and pregnant with a black guy but this black guy isn't a good guy since he's a drug dealer

[@rabeeajamil6165]

I was craving for a conversation like this between Muslims. Thank you for it but I think the conversation ended up being more problen oriented rather than solution oriented, if that makes sense. I really wanna see a part two where, since there's Muslims from all the different backgrounds, they discuss how they do it in their particular culture. Because of course, they have economic problems too, but how do Malaysians, Turks, Kurds, Afghanis, Iranis, Arabs and others manage it. Because surely in Muslim countries we don't have a culture of abandoning parents. So, living with them can't be the only solution. I think that kind of a discussion will be very fruitful IA

[@oulangkous718]

Live separately within walking distance. If parents need frailcare then they could live on the same property with a dedicated helper to assist with cleaning, bathing, etc and son/daughter and dil/bil can both check in everyday when they get off work to ensure they're fine and can help with whatever they can. If one spouse is at home, then a helper can still assist because it's very difficult to do elder care especially if a dil has small kids and her own parents to also check up on then there should be understanding. If elder parents have their own daughter then it wud be ideal to live with their daughter rather than their sons. The sons can pay for their sister to stay home and she can care for their parents instead so that her husband and their wives are not placed in difficult situation. Of course if the bils and dils are willing than that is honourable and a big sadaqa but it should never be something that is forced upon someone as u want ur parent to b taken care of well and not by someone who will resent them.

[@Sas-rf9sy]

Its common to live nearby your families so you can visit whenever you like - and care for them if needed. The married brothers and sisters, I know, live in their own homes, some are home owners, others rent. Parents are well into their 60s and 70s. I don't actually know anybody who requires caretaking or assistance. From the comments it seems the problem is specific to certain cultures and communities and it benefits solely the husbands/sons, and it is, as if the second the son gets married, the parents become sick, disabled or extremely dependent. Honestly makes no sense. Wives are daughters too, have parents too and that relationship doesn't stop or vanish onto thin air post marriage. On one hand such guys are unwilling to leave their parents home after marriage, but on the other hand they expect their wives to leave their families and only visit like once a week or so?? You can love, maintain ties with your family, care for them without living with them. If needed, of course you care for your parents but don't expect wives to do it as it is the duty of the children, sons and daughters. It wouldn't matter whether it's the wife's parents or the husband who need looking after. Having inlaws work both ways, but in the comments the inlaws of the women are given superiority and preference, which makes no sense. This is not islam.

[@ubaidarshad]

this is not the first time satan has not tried to break the families .

[@muhammadomar784]

I personally believe that if you are a guy then you need to get your own place before even marriage. You need to provide your wife with a space where she can freely move and for you to build a healthy relationship.

[@spidyman8853]

This only applies to South Asian community. In my community, we are encouraged to move out for privacy sake and plus is much better.

[@theonef570]

Where you from?

[@Musaiftekhar]

And that is why South Asians are so successful while other communities are all messed up

[@ChromeMan04]

Same with us

[@salimaqil3491]

With all do respect, the pakistani brother is not completely accurate as I have india and pakistani family background....it comes from the Hindu culture not from British.

[@salimaqil3491]

This issue is unfortunately still super prevalent in India and pakistani culture. The brother is Sugar coating it.

[@confusedsheeple572]

Everyone had valid points especially about mommy’s boys there are many of them in our community, however this all boils down to your finance and family dynamic eg how much are you earning, how big is your family, your mothers mentality along with your sisters :), how far you both husband and wife are on deen and your expectations of each other etc. My advice is if you have too many sisters and your family is driven by culture not deen, you have the means and your parents aren’t too old then 💯move out.

[@MuhammadAli-ip1wt]

ngl i didn't understand the issue about living with in-laws. I love my family and i was really fixed on living with in-laws. But now after watching this vid. I realized how for newly weds... its important to live away in a private home. Now my perception changed. Thank you Ali Dawah

[@afouri]

I wouldn’t want to live with my in laws, simply because I want my future husband to able to be the leader in our household and establish the tone for how he wants things to run and the environment he wants to create. Unfortunately his leadership would undermined if we were living under his fathers roof, because you have to respect the rules and customs of another person’s home. I don’t see this as a positive thing for a newly married couple, especially not in my generation (gen z).

[@oulangkous718]

Especially if the in laws aren't practicing and you want to establish your house upon taqwa and emaan

[@mk-19memelauncher65]

In that culture the men do not become leaders of the household until the parents are very old / passed away 😂, at which point you will likely be grandparents.

[@thepewpewgenie]

Brother Zeeshan spoke really well. It's important to know why the problem is in order to better understand it. With all due respect, it went over the head of the sister and could see the aggression in her voice even though he already clearly mentioned his viewpoint. Have more of brother Zeeshan he is an excellent speaker.

[@Md_sadiq_Md]

May Allah bless our brothers and sisters of ummah with Jannah ❤ Aameen summa Aameen ❤

[@SyedReacxts]

I sense masculine energy in few of them sisters sadly , personally I’m not into that at all , also have a Sunnah wedding don’t ask well demand from the male side to provide land , money massive hall & so much more etc..we have to even pay to get in the hall that we paid for in the first place , the brothers & sisters from the bride side will be at the entrance blocking it until you pay to get in so it’s money money money smh , man all this is just too much .!!

[@MH-bf4uu]

Masculine energy is not a real thing😂😂 youve just been watching too many KZbin videos

[@SyedReacxts]

@@MH-bf4uu You misunderstood me also what’s me watching videos on KZbin got to do with anything? Also you seem to know knowledge of the unseen like me watching 👀 SO MANY VIDS ON KZbin, I’m on about I don’t like to see masculine energy from a woman / or trying to act like a manly type of mannerisms etc are you a male or a female ? lol just asking just curious

[@razer0072073]

Short term yes, long term no with reassurance prior.

[@Expiringsoon]

And if your brother lives at home too?💀

[@paksallion]

Women are abit too angry about it considering its a choice that they have. If you didn't have a choice then the person who's restricting you isn't worthy of you. Forget his raw good looks think about the long run. 🤷‍♂️

[@junaidahmedkhan6631]

I believe many small nuances were not addressed properly or fully as to the reason why some couples live with their in-laws, and its mostly for financial reasons as the newly weds are young and probably not in a place to get a separate home immediately, or the in-laws are old and the son just cant leave them. But, if its possible and a person is able then it should be advisable to get a separate place.

[@tay_h3873]

Excellent talk. Love Naznin so on point and direct. Ignore the hate. U who are commenting negative about anyone on show are the biggest hypocrites. Fix yp

[@hmmm4412584]

(Male, Convert) Interesting points made on both sides, Ideally yes I believe in seperate accomodation. However in the real world, this costs far more than it used to. I'm weighing up the option to get married, as my cost of living will go up 10 fold if I do. I'm weighing up the cost to benefit and I'm failing to see it, especially as its seen as a right. Not much appreciation is given to rights, but I believe my window is closing. Personally I blame the british government, banks, inflated workforce and our culture, seeing housing as a commodity. I imagine many brothers would have no issue providing good accomodation. If it wasnt for excessive costs for the basic staples of life.

[@faay8912]

Same here im no convert and living with in laws is not a thing in Somali cultures but alhamdulillah I know my mother will not cause me issues so if I do get married im asking my husband to move in so we don't have to rent and suffer this crazy inflation. My energy bill alone is a musibah. End of the day the way I see it. It all comes down to your manners and boundaries, you can make it work if people are understanding and respectful of each other. The problems arise when culture takes presidency over Islam. Anywho nothing wrong with living with your in laws if they are sane lol

[@deedeee6271]

Sr. Naznin, may Allah SWT bless you. Nailed it. 10:27. Honestly the show should have ended after her comment. No need for more talk.

[@mfilura]

There are absolutely no boundaries. If you tell our elders that this isn't islamic, their response, you are bringing in a new practice into our culture. This is what are fathers have been doing for generations. Thats their argument.

[@knife121]

My personal take as I can only speak for myself. It's good to have your own space. I don't want to oppress anyone and for that reason it's idea to be separate from in laws. As a Son I don't mind living between two houses like a traveller between my parents house and my wives houses.

[@Acapella_anime_lyrics]

I wish if Hindi speaker starts this types of shows for desi household issues. i will listen it in full volume in front of my parents

[@Noname-vu1om]

😅 your screen name

[@Musaiftekhar]

A lot of South Asians become rich or poor depending on the circumstances They have money for buying endless property back home, they have money for grand weddings, they have money for investments here and there , they have money for extended families in the home country, but they suddenly become poor when it comes to renting a small apartment for a new couple near the parents home. As someone whose home broke apart because of squabbling mother in law and wife, I regret not spending on a small apartment for my wife instead of living with my family, though even that was my property as well.

[@static369]

From where I am from, everyone wants to get their own house. But it's one of if not the most expensive place to buy a house. Plus there are tons of laws that you have to abide to before "renting" your house for 99 years.

[@Musaiftekhar]

That is sad. There are so many places where an average salary does not allow you to rent even a studio flat. In Dubai, Desi white collars generally get 5-8k in small local companies, while a 1 bedroom flat costs minimum 3-4k

[@static369]

@@Musaiftekhar Very sad to hear that brother. Brother Smile2Jannah has many valid points. Kudos to him!