TRUTH ABOUT LIVING WITH IN-LAWS | My Honest Experience | THE BLUSHING GIRAFFE

Hell everyone! Today's video is a bit...sensitive??? Deep??? Personal - that is for sure, but I get so many questions on a weekly basis about what it is like living with my in-laws and so I thought it would be best to just make one video sharing my experience.
In case it isn't clear enough, I am incredibly fortunate to have the in-laws I do. Not only do I have amazing sibling-in-laws but my father in law is soooo easy going, he is super chill, super kind and caring and is really encouraging too. I know unfortunately not everyone has such kind in-laws and I really feel for you if that is the case, but honestly the whole stereotype of living with inlaws being a hard time is a narrative that just isn't the case. You CAN live happily with your inlaws but it will take adjustment, understanding, patience and a level of constant respect for it to be peaceful.
I also strongly believe that there is nothing wrong with moving out, wanting to move out and have your own space. If and when you have the means to do so, I think it is healthy for couples to do so, as it means you're not around family all the time, so the time you do have with them is really special and cherished...and also having your own space is good - physically and mentally! Also Islamically is this is encouraged.
Looking back now, if I could change our decision to move in back in September, I wouldn't - the benefits have been far more than the few cons. I hope I was as real as possible for those of you who are maybe about to move in with your in-laws and if you would like a separate tips video, I'm happy to make that.
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[@sumrakhan2558]

You are definitely luckier than most. You lived on your own and will get to live on your own again some day. Some of us are stuck for the rest of our lives living together and never get to experience any kind of freedom especially when our in laws are strict. Meanwhile I had such a laid back and chill life at home with my parents. I just don’t know how to accept this is going to be my life for years and years to come

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

I'm praying for a brighter future for you and if you ever want to chat feel free to DM me on instagram. Nothing is forever and with communication and patience your situation can change, not forgetting the most important thing of all - dua to Allah swt. You aren't alone and you don't have to be unhappy. Reach out and i'a things will begin to change x

[@sumrakhan2558]

@@TheBlushingGiraffe thank you I appreciate that. I just don’t see anything changing for me unfortunately . For My in laws living together is the difference between life and death. They would disown us if we ever moved out. I don’t understand this old backwards mentality. They are not physically or financially even dependent on us . (Although they take money from us monthly they don’t even need) . I never thought it would be this hard to get adjusted. IA there are better days. let’s see what happens

[@forevergrateful2341]

I know how you feel girl , it’s been 6 years that i m living with my in laws, and having 4 kids. Not having the privacy, the freedom, its really hard. I dont even have control over my own kids, go outside maybe once in a week

[@jasonhaydt19]

Salaam I am in the same predicament as you are describing, but I am a man living with my spouse in her country overseas with her mother and it is not a smooth ride. I am cut off from my family and country trapped being a stay at home dad of four children, age 2 to 9. I don't know how to find happiness, my kids keep me in relationship, I am ganged up on and blamed for everything. Wife gas BPD and mother in-law Borderline personality disorder just like my wide in my opinion. Hard to respect people who are hurting you all the time, and being irrational.

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

The thing is a lot of older Asians blow hot air and say things they don’t mean. So they’d be upset at first but theyd get over it eventually (80% of the time) and if you’re really miserable, you’re giving up your right to have a peaceful life for others which isn’t fair. I’d still speak to my husband and ask him to at least trial if and see how it goes, you’re not asking for a lot here. Just a healthy bit of distance x

[@nice_girl7711]

I hate when the mother-in-law expects the new daughter-in-law to do everything in the house after wedding . Why ? U behave as if it’s just ur houses and u did everything before too !!! Keep doing it !

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Yeah that’s totally unfair and wrong behaviour - usually it’s then repeating a cycle they’ve experienced themselves but that doesn’t justify it at all c

[@nelly11796]

Words cannot express how absolutely thankful I am that you shared this. I was in absolute tears when I clicked on this video, and I feel so, so comforted now. I lived in an apartment with my husband for a year and a half before we moved into a house with his parents two years ago. I thought it would get easier and that I’d be used to living with my in-laws by now, but today I was just so overwhelmed with discomfort, anger, and sadness. I love that you talked about both the pros and cons because while I related to the cons, I also related to the pros. It’s great to be reminded of all the good things that can come from this situation and truly feel appreciative. I also love how you expressed your faith and love throughout the video - something about it brought peace to me. Thank you again ❤️❤️.

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

I’m SOOO glad that this video was able to comfort you 🥺🥺♥️♥️♥️ that means the world to me! You are doing so well my lovely, trust me I know how you feel and I pray things get better for you, this won’t be forever and you deserve your own space and peace as well as privacy. You can have the nicest in-laws in the world and still want those things, it doesn’t make us bad people at all! Sending you soooo much love ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@somji09sabiha]

Agreee with EVERY single pro and con! Maintaining hijab is super hard, especially on days when you wanna chill like movie nights that you mentioned. Biggest pro for us is definitely saving money!

[@spiritualsideup4428]

It's just not worth it though. Yea you're saving, but your best years are passing by with you being uncomfortable, anxious and ultimately not really happy or authentic.. I chose living w little money over issues and lots of money

[@ailahsafdar]

Thanks for being so open! I live with my in laws too and I feel you when sometimes you just want to be by yourself but can’t always do that. Alhamdulillah my in laws are amazing too so it hasn’t been too bad!

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Alhamdulillah so happy to hear that for you! ♥️ yeah I agree that part is hard! And sometimes I wonder how I’d feel in the future if my DIL lived with us, like just one different person can definitely bring a different dynamic to a household, but Alhamdulillah we are lucky to have lovely in-laws

[@skin2seoul]

I can resonate with soo many things you said, I love the fact this is real and raw and thank you for sharing. I believe this will help many young couples and lastly I think these are important issues to talk about in our Asian community xx

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Thankyou so so much ♥️ would love to film more raw and real topics, any suggestions let me know 😘

[@RR-gx4mk]

I've just come across your page recently and you come across so lovely & down to earth! Love your content x

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Awh man, thankyou soooo much! Means a lot to me, I hope you're well xxx

[@LutriciaDuyar]

This was sooo interesting to watch!! You look absolutely stunning as well sis ❤️

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Awwh glad you enjoyed! Thankyou lovely xxx

[@hxumera]

Sis I have been wanting to ask you to make a video about this for ages but thought you might find it weird me asking! I’m so happy you have made this, you have no idea 🥺😂

[@farrah2498]

I’ve only just come across your video and can relate to you in every way. My in laws are also so amazing and Alhamdulilah we have such a close relationship with them but I really can’t wait to move out! Haha. I’ve been married for 2 years like yourself and it’s getting to that point now that I really just want my own space. I feel like although my in laws aren’t interfering, I always feel like we have a constant audience. I can be myself but i can’t at the same time. I find myself eating upstairs & spending most of my time being in my room and I could totally relate to the guilty feeling! - I always feel like they’re gonna think I don’t wanna spend time with them but sometimes when I’m in a shit mood all I wanna do is be by myself & wait for my husband to come home! I love my in laws to bits and I always end up explaining to my husband that I’m not ungrateful but I just can’t wait for us to have our own space! It’s crazy because I had this idea of marriage where my husband would come home, I would cook us our dinner and we would catch up about our day and chat freely without people listening in haha. I feel like I’m having to text my husband if I have something urgent to say or if I don’t want in laws to hear! Or I have to wait till we’re upstairs to have an open conversation! Having 2 anniversaries in lockdown meant you were limited to what you could do. I ended up decorating our bedroom and setting up the room for the night while consciously knowing my in laws were sat down stairs as we tried to make the most of our romantic night in. There’s so many pros and cons to living with in laws even if you get a long with them like we do but I wouldn’t recommend it unless you are not in the positions financially to live independently. I’m glad I came across your video, It made me smile as I could relate to you and I was also happy that you have such positive things to say about your in laws. In shaa Allah we always have such a strong bond with our in laws, Ameen. I now feel bad for all the negatives I mentioned there but can’t help how I feel! Haha

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Thankyou sooo much for this comment! I can really relate and empathise to a a lot of what you said, especially the open conversation bit - I definitely struggled with that! Bless you guys having to have two lock down anniversaries :( I pray as travel is opening up now you’re able to have some much needed space away! Ameen to your beautiful duas and I’m praying you’re happier now xxx

[@freyanoor6794]

I just want to say that we really miss not having you at home and you being so far away. Alhumdulillah we really proud of how you have adjusted and maintained respectful relationships. I know your family are loving, but it's a challenge adjusting to a new home. I haven't commented before as you know, love you in our prayers always. Xxx

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

I love you mum, thankyou for your first ever comment I feel very honoured haha. Alhamdulillah I'm proud I've made my family proud - missing you all lots and lots but can't wait to see you soon i'a xxx

[@ayal9287]

I have a friend who moved in with her husband’s family for three years and she had a baby while there. She said her MIL is a psycho and she hated it. My friend and her husband live up in the north of Scotland and he works away from home a lot of the time so she was left alone with his family so often. There is talk now of them moving back in with them! I find it so unfair for my friend to have to do this. Her family are in Glasgow and I don’t know I think it is a joke to be honest especially as she is expecting another child…

[@romanaa4057]

So much good advice, and so relatable x

[@Rclsllh]

Don’t ever live with inlaws ever. Talk about it before you marry him. If he doesn’t agree don’t marry him.

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Yeah I agree if that’s a strong dealbreaker, you shouldn’t compromise your own boundaries! Sometimes situations occur where you might temporarily have to, but space is key to a healthy marriage IMO

[@iqranoor786]

This video was sooo helpful and insightful, thank you!!!! You’re also so mature about all of the challenges, may Allah make all your affairs easy for you and grant you goodness 💙

[@inah2873]

Ameeen, may He make your marriage easier and strengthen your relationships with your family members! Ameen

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Ameen! Jazak’Allah khair for the duas! Would love to make more videos about these kinda topics, let me know what you’d like to see x

[@ilovegodalways4526]

I can relate. I lived with my inlaws for a year and half and it was very difficult although I have an ok relationship with them. Their life patterns was a challenge for me as I grew up in a different way. Also my mother inlaw was always intruding in my husband and my decisions. I couldn't take it and moved out because of this and other major undisclosed issues.

[@mohsisohal806]

In Islam, a man has to provide separate living quarters. And there is a much better way to live than what Pakistani culture demands. As a British Pakistani woman, I want to avoid marrying anyone from the Indian subcontinent just to avoid the cultural issues.

[@shehr_]

I've not been this early in so long!! EXCITED!!

[@shehr_]

Halfway through and WOW so so insightful. I'm going to have to watch and rewatch this so many times (in the coming future)!!!

[@shehr_]

Advice video? Yes please!!

[@moonlighttz]

Thumbs up squad for a tutorial on this gorgeous look! 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

[@moonlighttz]

Ma Shaa Allah you are blessed with lovely in-laws. I guess they must equally feel blessed having you as a daughter in law ❤️ Can I just say you look stunning 😍😍😍 Ma Shaa Allah

[@ayeshashayan5871]

You are very honest and patient ma sha Allaah

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

♥️♥️♥️

[@SamA-cz2fn]

Really useful advice. Appreciate your transparency and honesty. May Allah bless your marriage abundantly and bless you both with a lifetime of unity & love (ameen)❤

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Ameen thumma ameen Thankyou so much Sam! I hope you’re well ♥️

[@inah2873]

Thanks for this video Iqra. Ngl I’m not going to voice my opinion only bc other Asian girls normally get really triggered and come for me but may Allah make it easy for all of us. Ramadan Mubarak 💕

[@ayeshamkhan96]

Thank you for this. Can you please make a video on advise for living with in laws?

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Absolutely! XXX

[@iz4372]

The whole concept of living with in-laws is just really weird and definitely not healthy at all. How are you supposed to enjoy your new marriage and partner with his family present in the house? There is literally no privacy it’s a very backwards tradition that the south Asian diaspora need to get rid of immediately.

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Thankyou for your opinion! I agree to a certain extent, privacy is key in a marriage and definitely healthy. However sometimes circumstances mean that living with in-laws is the best option - especially financially. But also to support family members. It’s not as black as white as: you should or shouldn’t. It’s totally unique to each couple and their circumstances.

[@sumrakhan2558]

Completely agree. It’s even more frustrating when they don’t even need you financially or physically (because they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves) but they just want to live together to live together . It blows my mind.

[@tabassumfatimaahmad1251]

Yes Living with inlaws is hard but not impossible. You struggle aswell and gou get support aswell however it depends on your nature and their nature. One thing more if your husband loves you and support you then still ok alhamdulillah , otherwise living with inlaws is challenging. And I salute women who live with inlaws, even she is a daughter inlaw or mother inlaw. Sometime both suffers whether is mother inlaw or daughter inlaw. In olden time daughter inkaw always scared but now a days mother inlaw scared aswell from daughter inlaw. Its not easy for both of them.

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Completely agree with what you have said :) overall I do believe that 8/10 times space between parents and the married couple is better for the long run, because it's not easy to be living together and maintaining privacy, relationships, not harbouring bad feelings etc. but there are definitely times where it can and does work well x

[@chuckboris3844]

PLEASE do the advice video!

[@nha4022]

I second all of this except my MIL has been more challenging, bonding is why I agreed to it in the first place however having a baby has just amplified some of the cons when I naively thought it would make things better lol! I myself wouldn't recommend it for newly weds, our honeymoon/finding our feet as a couple phase was spent in front of other people and naturally when living with anyone else opened us for opinions/criticism and judgement as much as I'm one of the lucky ones and I definitely could've ended up worse off, there are some things asians just don't understand or will do which is hurtful regardless.

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

I’m sooo sorry to hear that about your MIL sis, especially with having a new born, that can’t be easy :( May Allah swt make it easier for you and may he provide a way for you to have your space so the love can grow between you both ameen. Totally agree, the Asian culture has a lot of pros but imo quite a few ‘backwards’ cons too

[@Neelamxo]

My experience has been so bad 😢 my mil and sil are so controlling and want take take take but don’t give and expected so much from me! I’ve had to move back to my mums because it’s so bad

[@mimidanso7975]

Omg that’s terrible 😕

[@forevergrateful2341]

I wish i could go back , but now having 4 kids , its just not possible anymore.

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Salaam Neelam, I’m really sorry to read this :( how are you doing now?

[@sahmed7907]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@AmbreenK]

I found this soo interesting and loved how you addressed this topic. I briefly lived with my in laws for 2 months when I was in Pakistan and then my husband moved into my family home and that is another whole story but there are very similar points. Thank you for sharing this and can't wait to watch more. ❤️ Could you do a video about the reality of marriage. Lol. Living with someone else hit me hard. 😂

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Haha it ain't easy adjusting to sharing your space with a husband and losing that alone time that we can become so accustomed too! I haha a video with a similar title a few months back, but it was a GRWM style, may Allah swt bless our marriages with peace, love, understanding, happiness and strength, ameeeen! X

[@SunShine-iy4ik]

It’s sad you mentioned aysha harun because I went to check out her channel but she is sadly now divorced 😞

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

I know :( are you subscribed to her? She's documented her journey so well m'a and she's SO inspirational, divorce has only made her stronger Allahumabarik

[@alishbaahmed2091]

OMG awwh I really wanna see a video with your Neisse (manahil) yeh she’s a cutie

[@mayaakbar1009]

I love watching your vids there so nice and good keep it up inshallah 🥰

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Thank you so much 🤗

[@demijo9792]

Well u are lucky to have a an understanding sis in law and Mom In law..i dont have any sis in law and i dont even need it.My mom in law was sweet before my marriage but after the marriage she didnt take long to shown how controlling she can be ..im trying to adjust.occasionally shes fine and sweet but most of the time its suffocating living with my inlaws because they are so service demanding...theres no help and only i have to cook and do dishes.wish i had not accepted to live with them..i feel so trapped😒

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

I'm so sorry you're going through that. Have you spoken about how you're feeling with your husband? What has he said about it? In a shared household, the work should be split fairly too. Certainly not all on one person alone to get on with it.

[@demijo9792]

@@TheBlushingGiraffe yes my husband do understands and so he helps me do some chores but only sometimes . He is a littlw mamas boy too so gets emotional if i say something bad about them which also understand but he also kniws that my mom inlaw is a bit clean freak and likes to engage people in work.My inlaws actually stays in our hometown and visit us occasionally thats why i try to treat them well but i get really frustrated with the amount of workload that increases when they visit because my mom inlaw chooses to do only what she wants like and whenever she likes like gardening and tries to controll everything in the house and iam asked to be in kitchen most of the time. It feels like total invasion of the house and as if iam being controlled by some strict hostel warden who wants everthing according to her taste and ways..i have complained to my husband so many times .we even had arguments about it..all he says is they are here for few days just try to adjust a bit and thats all im doing.but the worst part in their presence is that my independence to go to my parents place or marketing anytime has becomes impossible because my mim in law gets a littlw offended if we are often goin out..even if go out im expected to be back to cook..they are senior citizens but both my inlaws are super active and can very well take care of themsleves but they prefer to stays like a 90 year old people who needs constant attention esp my FIL..my mom inlaw cares for him like a baby and so is expected from me..all the food is made keeping their choice in mind and our choice of food is mostly asked to be avoided being cooked..here what troubles me most is thinking how can i take care of them in future when we have to permanently stay together because in just few days only im feeling suffocated and frustrated..

[@sumrakhan2558]

Omg sounds just like my mil except I don’t see her just for a few days but every single day as we live together 😩

[@bellablessing7587]

What if he is still bent on moving in with them? I cannot do this. It is not me .

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Are you already married? If you aren't this could be a reasonable dealbreaker imo. It's not by force to live with in-laws, we are encouraged in Islam to have our own privacy and it's culture that dictates otherwise.

[@bellablessing7587]

@@TheBlushingGiraffe not married but he is in the 30's , cooks and helps with the finances of the home . Just boys and he does most of everything. Talented in every way but feel he is being tied because he is mature and respects his family greatly but as for me if we were to be married i will be leaving my family he basically won't so for me that will be a great miss.

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Alhamdulillah he sounds like a good catch, but if it’s a deal breaker for you then set your boundaries and stick to them, if he’s written for you he will be your husband, if not In’sha’Allah someone better will come along. If you wanted to compromise you could do 6-12 months with them and then move out, but I’d only suggest that if he promises (it’s written in the nikkah contract even) and he is on board and understands your compromise, however if he can’t see life without living with his parents, you’ll end up over compromising and choosing a life you didn’t want - life gives us enough battles as it is, don’t let this be one of them in you’re not comfortable with living with in-laws for the rest of your life X

[@bellablessing7587]

@@TheBlushingGiraffe thanks . I spoke to him ane never heard him again lol then he's carrying to his extended family and friends my name to say I don't want him around his family . Ah I must be hated and spoken down by them. Luckily , I don't live there thank God .

[@zahraxo1]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@farjinabegum5810]

Walahi ur so pretty mA even without make up wow mA allah hummabarwk how old r u?

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Awh jazak'Allah khair lovely! So kind and I've just turned 25 xxx

[@jinnah3216]

What ethnicity are you and your husbands family

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

We are both Pakistani, I’m from near pindi and he’s from Kashmir

[@Zainab-Creates]

If you want your marriage to last/work move out now !!

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

🤣 this sounded so urgent! We moved our back in October!

[@Zainab-Creates]

@@TheBlushingGiraffe I'm saying from personal experience. My own cousin attempted suicide 4 times in few years living with in laws. She has an unsupportive husband and she's still living a miserable life.

[@caramel9990]

@@Zainab-Creates I’m in this situation right now

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

Sis ;( soooo sorry to hear that, how are you getting on?

[@MashAllahMari]

Girl your father in law is your mahram you do not need to cover your hair that is just bidah you’re making things harder on yourself

[@TheBlushingGiraffe]

What about brother in laws? Are they also mahrams? Cos I lived with both of mine at the time! If it was just my FIL I might have been more relaxed without hijab, but as it was BILs too I couldn’t have been.