Are you ACTUALLY a good ally?

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The word 'ally' often gets thrown around a lot... but what does it actually mean? In this video I discuss this and share tips on how to be the best ally to the LGBTQ+ community. Show us Queer people some love!
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[@Urmumlel7025]

I, for the most part, think allyship is an action that everyone, no matter their gender of sexual orientation can partake in.

[@Coccinelf]

Exactly, I'm queer but I don't feel much of an ally. I just do nothing to better the lives of anyone.

[@PrincessJamiG]

​@@CoccinelfYour existence is important. Doing things for yourself is important. You're still here, and that's a good thing.

[@Avahardy-t1z]

Only the haters not welcome if you accept pride peeps you are welcome

[@xXM3NT4LBR34KD0WNXx]

One thing. I’m not religious but Muslims can’t support LGBTQ+ because of their religion but I’m pretty sure most if them respect it.

[@VivianTheKittian]

say it louder for people in the back

[@zhenia2511]

A pretty wholesome example of true allyship from my homeland, Ukraine: A straight woman named Leda Kosmachevskaya married a gay soldier (whose name she didn't reveal for privacy reasons) because if he's killed or seriously injured on the frontline his boyfriend would need a permission from the closest relative to visit him in the hospital and such. Same-sex marriage isn't legalised and the dude's parents are homophobic, so he needs a wife to be his closest relative. She published her story on "Facebook" saying that "she isn't an LGBTQ activist, but gay marriage needs to be legalised for the sake of people like her best friend". Then, she gave a bunch of interviews about the importance of same-sex marriages and domestic partnerships. Such a based woman.

[@elspethfougere9683]

Wow that's awesome to hear about her loyalty and empowerment with her friend ❤ Also, I'm so so sorry your country is at war still. I'm very sad you have not been as protected and supported as you should be by the west.. it's too slow. And I'm sorry to hear LGBTQ people don't have equal rights there, and i hope it chanhes after the war when things settle down and heal again.

[@MirA12334]

Don't think it's smart to name the woman😅 you should make it more anonymous

[@georgerobins4110]

@@MirA12334she has already publicized herself in interviews so I don’t think a KZbin comment is gonna be more dangerous than that lol

[@maddykrantz]

She's amazing! Wow!

[@zhenia2511]

@@MirA12334 Media mostly praised her so I see no reason to keep it anonymous.

[@michellehorsey2415]

Ally is not something you are, it's something you *do*.

[@immortalalia]

Yes! Like activism, it's an action.

[@maddykrantz]

Hi!

[@maddykrantz]

Exactly!

[@DinosaurNick]

facts!

[@ShiftyApparition]

Kinda like just being a good person in general

[@YasmineGalenornOfficial]

Thank you for remembering that yes, we can be bi, and married/coupled up with someone of the opposite gender. It's all about the person we meet, not their gender identification. From a bi woman in a 31 year long marriage to a man. Still bi.

[@jwb52z9]

I'm glad you said that.

[@maddykrantz]

I'm a bi woman with a cis/het boyfriend and I feel this!

[@maryobrien6014]

I’m a cis pansexual woman married to a cis hetero man who was more than happy to take me to my first drag show. He listens to my stories about my shows & movies including the LGBTQIA+ ones. I’m sure if someone said something bigoted, he’d speak up, as he is accepting of everyone. Most people think I’m straight, since my dad & extended family members would not accept me. My sexuality is mine to disclose when I so choose. Yet I appreciate being included by Jessica in a way in this video. I sometimes identify as “bi”, because not everyone knows pan & bi is less likely to receive judgment. I also buy things with rainbows & the bisexual flag, because I love rainbows & the bi flag is prettier to me than the pan flag. I also for years thought I was bi till I learned the term pansexual. So I identify with both, but gender is not an issue in attraction to me. Male, female, transgender or non-binary, it’s all about the person.

[@22lostservice]

This. My cis-male hetero husband is my (as a non binary AFAB bisexual) biggest champion and he stands up for all his LGBTQ+ friends not just because he knows us but because he feels its the right thing to do. Getting acknowledged when bi and in a hetero looking relationship is so nice.

[@DinosaurNick]

My brother is bi and has the mindset of "If I marry a woman, I'm no longer bi; I'm straight. And if I marry a man, I'm no longer bi; I'm gay. Because I'm not going to be cheating or looking at anyone else, so how can I be bi?" I'm Agender and pan, and I'm dating a bi, cis man, and we told him, "We're pan and bi, and if we get married, we're still pan and bi."

[@XOTakkunXo]

My bestie dressed as the Riddler to Pride. He said he was questioning ☺️🌈

[@s.f.nightingale1735]

That is brilliant.

[@jennifers5560]

That is awesome!

[@samvilardi6254]

so he sees himself as something of an E. Nigma?

[@BrynHirschman]

That hilarious 😂

[@casebeth]

Bisexuals with different gender partners are still bisexuals and deserve full welcome at pride.

[@maryobrien6014]

Thank you. As a female cis pansexual with a male cis husband, I appreciate that. I also think allies should be a part of Pride celebrations. We need their support.

[@casebeth]

@@maryobrien6014 yah the whole gatekeeping thing is wild to me. Esp as a bisexual woman with a cis het male partner who is happy to go to pride together

[@maddykrantz]

I'm trying to reply to every comment on this post so cool comment!

[@DinosaurNick]

My brother is bi and has the mindset of "If I marry a woman, I'm no longer bi; I'm straight. And if I marry a man, I'm no longer bi; I'm gay. Because I'm not going to be cheating or looking at anyone else, so how can I be bi?" I'm Agender and pan, and I'm dating a bi, cis man, and we told him, "We're pan and bi, and if we get married, we're still pan and bi."

[@miriam8376]

Yep. I married a person, not a gender. And as people of most orientations will note, getting married doesn’t mean your orientation changes.

[@davidshi451]

This reminds me of a 1969 Playboy interview with actor and WWII veteran Lee Marvin, where he basically says it's disgusting how the police harass and arrest gay people. Now THAT'S allyship!

[@maddykrantz]

Yeah!

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

A lot of vets of past wars took a similar opinion, especially the wars that involved conscription. There have been gays, and to a somewhat lessser extent lesbians, involved with military conflicts for basically as long as there have been military conflicts.

[@sherlockwho5714]

My grandpa was a WW2 vet and he always said that everyone deserved respect except the Klan and the Nazis.

[@thing_under_the_stairs]

@@sherlockwho5714 Your grandpa knew his stuff.

[@KJ-wh8fu]

Yay, Lee Marvin! Terrific actor and, apparently, an ally!❤

[@BaroTheMadman]

Screw purists. Queer media is for everyone because all media is for everyone. Moreover, queer media gives non-lgbtqa+ folks a "second hand experience" of what being queer is like, and the drama will make you invested and rooting for the queer characters, so what's not to like?

[@mhawang8204]

The downside is to appeal to the widest audience, the stories told are often sanitized. “The model queer” if you will. Or you can swap out the LGBTQ+ characters and nothing would be different. It sends a message that we’re all the same, yes, but that’s not the full reality. To be represented and to be seen, as we truly are, queer media need to have some edge or specific to the queer experience. The end product then is not for “everyone.” It’s the audience who need to have an open mind to be interested in such stories.

[@ashleynoble2880]

And also watching as a family or a friend group. That's really important for people still figuring themselves out.

[@catsmom129]

⁠@@mhawang8204Ideally there’s room for both mainstream and edgier queer representation

[@olakeska7908]

​@@mhawang8204 actually how often now there are stories that could swap ones gender or something and nothing would happened? Maybe I consume different queer media (or the one with queer rep) but more and more show unique experiences and it's less and less stereotypes The most popular one talk about all the problems, coming out and all that shit. I personally want more stories that are non-related to coming out and discovering your sexuality as a main focus (and many people also voice that)

[@olakeska7908]

​@@mhawang8204 also if you want queer stories with non perfect characters, edges. In some queerness is main focus in other not, but are still reviled to the story. For example: Young Royals, Absolute beginners, Scam, Prisma, Tore Mostly just watch non-english content to find different things then perfect queer person ™️ and stereotypes

[@ZehShugugn]

I hear straight people refer to their spouses/romantic partners as their 'partner' all the time. Which I actually think is a very good thing, because it ultimately normalizes the idea that the gender of the spouse doesn't matter.

[@willw6504]

I personally prefer "spouse" as the gender neutral term for, well, spouse. While I understand the important history of 'partner' it always makes it sound like they're talking about a law firm instead of a lover.

[@pjaypender1009]

It is great. Both partner and spouse can and should be used by cishet people to normalize them. A great side effect is it keeps people guessing who's cis and straight and who isn't. But if a person uses husband or wife to refer to their partner to you, that's the term they use so it's the term you should use. No one changes wife to partner when a man refers to his wife as wife. It's sending a message the speaker doesn't really see a lesbian's wife as equal to a straight man's wife.

[@KaitlynBurnellMath]

@@willw6504 Spouse implies someone who is already married, which is not always the case.

[@willw6504]

@@KaitlynBurnellMath That's true. So does 'wife'. Given the context of the video, I took "married" to be assumed.

[@lzlzlz347]

As a cishet person I prefer the word 'partner' with people I hardly know, because my sexuality is nobodys business, but also I like for it to be more normalized

[@dragonflies6793]

Love that point about not being the queer police. You don't get to decide what counts as queer (as an ace, so sick of being excluded) or who counts under any given label (not every trans / lesbian / bi / etc perspective looks the same! people use different language to describe themselves! don't force language on them or gatekeep them from using language they wish to)

[@tenshimoon]

As an angled AroAce, SAME. Exclulus are the ones who aren't welcome in queer spaces, the rest of us can keep on spreading love and support to each other. 🏳️‍🌈🧡💛🤍🩵💙🏳️‍🌈🖤🩶🤍💜🏳️‍🌈💚🤍🩶🖤🏳️‍🌈🧡💛🤍🤎🖤🏳️‍🌈

[@goatkiller666]

As an asexual, I usually feel the least queer during pride month, because of all the queer gatekeepers. Like bisexuals, we are often erased. “You can pass for straight, so you don’t get to use queer spaces.” Yeah, anyone can pass for straight… it’s called “being in the closet”. How many people think the A in LGBTQIA+ stands for Ally, and not asexual, aromantic, or agender? I think first and foremost, we need to be allies to each other. I’m not trans, but I hope I’m a good trans ally. I try to be. But other than keeping company with various trans people, it’s not like I can speak about the trans experience. I can repeat stuff I’ve been told, but how is that any different from a cishet person repeating what they’ve been told about the trans experience? I have seen posts by people who are both ace and trans, pointing out how most of the arguments queer gatekeepers use to try to keep asexuals out, are the same ones that TERFs use against trans people. But here’s my best argument for allowing allies into queer spaces. Lots of queer people are still forced to be in the closet. Coming out is a personal choice based on a bunch of factors, and not here to tell anyone to out themselves. But if you’re a closeted queer, and you want to visit, to start networking for when you do come out, or just to feel safe for a little while… say you’re a cishet ally, so you don’t blow your cover, and come on in. If someone wants to be an ally, but lacks the ability to do anything else, show up and claim to be an ally so that the closeted queer folk pretending to be allies have a crowd to disappear into. Learn about queer stuff. Learn all the obscure stuff like panromantic asexuals, and various non-binary genders (are you agender or gender-fluid?) and talk about them. If you see bigots talking shit about any flavor of queer, confront them. You won’t change the bigot’s mind. But, There might be someone in the audience who needs to know that not everyone will hate them if they come out. Or, there might be someone listening who never realized that asexuality was even a thing, and now armed with that info, their whole life suddenly makes sense. (I was 40 when I first learned about asexuality. Freaking blew my mind.) Cishet allies risk a lot less than queer people do, when having those kind of debates. You can’t be fired for being gay, if you legit aren’t gay, after all.

[@MorriganSidhe]

I've heard far too many people say the A is for Ally to which my favourite response I heard was along the lines of "Hun, you're not part of the rainbow unless you're in the closet. You can fly the flag, but you're not on the flag." Which sounds exclusionary (derogatory rather than facts), but with anything else, it would be called appropriation.

[@lyokianhitchhiker]

Doesn’t the "A+" at the end of LGBTQIA+ cover the 4 As (asexual, aromantic, agender, ally) & N (non-binary) anyway?

[@AsylumWalker]

​@@lyokianhitchhiker It doesn't cover ally

[@lyokianhitchhiker]

@@AsylumWalker Why wouldn't it? If it can cover the other 3, it can cover that, too.

[@kaylinsmith6921]

I think the important thing that is mentioned in this video is: as an ally, you are free to be in those spaces, but you have to *stop* making it about *you.* Don't bring a bunch of your friends with you who aren't allies, or that are just using that space to avoid interactions with dudes. Don't go to drag shows and try to pull focus from the queens/kings. I think that is where a lot of people get tripped up. We love allies. We appreciate the desperately needed support. But you are a bit of a guest in our spaces, and you need to act with respect while you're there. (All the you's here are general you's, not you specifically.)

[@Noel.Chmielowiec]

As a bi woman in seemingly straight looking relationship, thank you for mentioning us ❤ I remember a story from my childhood, my uncle is gay and one of my aunts decided to tell my cousin that he's living with his 'friend'. I always knew he's living with his boyfriend, no one was hiding it from me because for my parents it was relationship like any other (and it was in early 2000s in very queerphobic country). I overheard it once that uncle said he doesn't like that she refers to them as friends, so one time when she and my cousin (who's few months younger than me, so he was around 7 years old and I was maybe 8) were talking and he said 'is uncle's friend coming?' I yelled at my aunt 'they're boyfriends, how long are you going to lie to him?!', my mum couldn't stop laughing 😂 So I assume I was a tiny ally before I got interested in other people and I aspire my kids to be like that if I'll ever have them.

[@TheDog2137]

❤

[@maryobrien6014]

I love this so much, except the yelling. (I’m very non confrontational), but aunt, C’MON! THEY ARE A SAME SEX COUPLE!!!

[@rainbowwwkim]

The imagery of a 7 year old yelling THEY'RE BOYFRIENDS is amazing lol

[@striderpup1169]

young kids are the best allies. having a SMALL CHILD walk up to a bigot and extremely confidently tell them they’re wrong always is so funny because “how can a 5 year old realize this but you can’t???”

[@americannerdinnz]

As a teacher who is straight, I have a need to declare myself an ally. It is an important thing to do; not for the rainbow community but for the rest of the teenagers who NEED to know that the queer community does not stand alone. So, while most of your advice is great, I will fly my ally flag without being pre-approved. Thank you for the very important video.

[@lzlzlz347]

Same! Also, me and my partner do not need anybodys permission to join any lgbtq+ rights protest because we want to be there to raise our voices. To vouch for a safer world and equal rights for our lgbtq+ friends

[@AsylumWalker]

​@@lzlzlz347no one is saying you need permission to protest though? Theyre saying that just telling us youre an ally is meaningless without showing that youre willing to stand in the firing line with us.

[@kaylinsmith6921]

But your having a flag posted is an action, which is what this entire video was about: actions showing your allyship over words claiming it. If you know it's not directed at you, there's no need to bristle about it. The part about de-centering yourself is important, and that seems to be the step that trips people up.

[@americannerdinnz]

I was very afraid that my comment would come off as combative. I didn't mean for it to be. Yes, actions are the most important part and I agree with everything that was said. But the words that I mean aren't spoken to the lgbtq+ community. They're words of support spoken to the rest of the world. "They" must be told that "you" do not stand alone.

[@iloveprivacy8167]

​@@kaylinsmith6921I think the intention for a teacher to declare themself an ally isn't to centre themselves, it's to tell the kids - & other teachers/staff - there's someone in their corner. Which the flag alone might not really do (how many put up a rainbow sticker and that's the end of it?). & Yes, in most contexts it would be best to do that organically, over time, by actually showing up. But in school, there's reason for a shortcut: kids have enough to navigate in September.

[@maddykrantz]

I'm Bisexual and Demiaroace, and my boyfriend is not LGBT, but he celebrates pride with me. There is NOTHING wrong with celebrating as an ally!

[@edamamame4U]

I'm biromantic ace and my friend came with me to a Pride event last year as an ally and we had a wonderful time.

[@masteroox]

Quick question: what's demiaroace?

[@dieterich4464]

@@masteroox generally aromantic and asexual but when you bond with someone it is possible that those feelings awake for that person you bonded with

[@destroy141]

Me sitting here as a masc presenting NB who's also Ace, so whenever I go to a pride event, I just look like some dude 🙃

[@maryobrien6014]

Queerness is not always obvious. I’d assume you’re either LGBTQIA+ or an ally & that is why you are there. Beyond telling my husband how attractive I find people of any gender, my pansexuality hardly shows. I feel my queerness is not something I have to prove to anyone. Sadly, it is something I have to defend to bigots.

[@maddykrantz]

Hey, you're a cool dude!

[@maryobrien6014]

I would assume you’re LGBTQIA+ or an ally. You don’t have to justify your queerness to anyone. I’m a cis pansexual woman married to a cis man. Most people probably assume I’m straight. I don’t have to share or justify my sexuality to anyone.

[@waffles3629]

Same.

[@deszeldra]

Thanks for recognising those of us with passing privilege. Ironically we tend to be viewed as allies a lot of the time. And I mean, I think people who come under the rainbow can be allies too.

[@eireannbullimore7763]

I've had to defend allies at pride before and I pointed out that pride is a protest. Pride is not a safe space, it's a political event. It's a demonstration of success, a call to keep fighting, and a display of the pride we have in ourselves and our achievements. Our allies should be there. Our enemies should see it. Straight people belong in Pride. Queer people do need safe spaces where we can meet without the expectations, or questions, or stereotypes, just generally a place where we can exist without having to explain ourselves. But Pride is not that space, and never should be.

[@mycenaeangal9312]

Ehhh pride isn't really a protest in fact. At least not all the time. We can argue that maybe it should be. I think I could be convinced of that pretty easily. I'd be pretty sympathetic to that position. But right now if you just look around, a lot of prides are corporate pride. They're sanctioned by whatever city they're in. They don't make things inconvenient or force people to pay attention to them. As a protest, most prides are pretty toothless. So I'm not really sure I agree with your point at least rn.

[@maryobrien6014]

I think Pride is a celebration. Allies should ONE HUNDRED PERCENT be included. Family, friends or just non-bigots who want to support us. We NEED allies & they should be welcome to an event that allows us to be ourselves, when we can’t all always do that. I can see where you are coming from. Pride reminds people, “we are here & we are queer!” Bigots have to accept it & can’t stop it.

[@eireannbullimore7763]

@@mycenaeangal9312 I think it depends very much where you are. Corporate pride is indeed a nightmare. The pride in my city however was very hard to set up, we got so much red tape thrown at us when we went to the city council and in the end they basically said fine we'll give you the permit, but you have to fund it, set it up, promote it, work out logistics, security and all the rest yourselves. I imagine they didn't think we'd pull it off, but we did. Pride in my city might not feel like much of a protest these days but it's existence is the product of a small group of VERY determined people who fought to have it reinstated because the council didn't want all the fuss. They got the fuss anyway; that is our protest. The protest against apathy.

[@willw6504]

@@mycenaeangal9312 So long as homophobia and intolerance exist towards LGBTQ+ individuals, Pride will ALWAYS be a protest. It may not look like it to us, when we attend it, but ANY public acknowledgement that we exist is a massive middle finger to homophobes, and that is a protest, no matter how corporate.

[@obsidianjane4413]

@@mycenaeangal9312 Just because it has been so successful that it has been so normalized that corporations and governments sponsor it, doesn't mean its not a form of protest still today. Its saying "we are here" to those who still hate and who would force all the queer people back into the closet. Its how you change minds, like how Saint Patrick's Day parades changed American attitudes towards the Irish.

[@moonkenzie]

I've been out for probably 15 years, so it was really weird last week when one of my aunts asked me if I was queer and even weirder when I said yes and another aunt laughed and said, "No you aren't!" The extra extra weird part was that my mom didn't stand up for me like she usually does. Suuuuuper great to learn that I'm straight tho 🤣 I guess I can have a life full of sunshine and freedom now?

[@KJ-wh8fu]

Oh, dear....hugs.

[@Neptuniii]

“No you aren’t” huh??? 💀 you just got dequeered by ur aunts wtf

[@echolake17]

Thank you for reminding all not to forget about the bi couples that "happen to look straight." And darling, sorry you weren't feeling well while filming this video, I found you to be charmingly checkish 😉. Hope you are on the up swing and feeling better soon. Happy Pride🎉

[@maryobrien6014]

As a pansexual woman married to a man, I appreciate being seen. Also, it’s so sweet of you to express concern for our amazing champion & wish Jessica health in the near future.

[@maddykrantz]

I'm a bi woman dating a guy who is just an ally. I feel this 100%.

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

Thank you, sending love, well wishes and a Happy Pride to you too! x

[@Willow0.o]

This makes me so happy, because just today I had to perform a speech I had written to my English class, it was about trans rights. As a cis person, I was kinda worried that I oughtn't speak for trans people.. This basically confirmed that I was doing alright haha

[@elspethfougere9683]

I think you did a great thing by talking openly.. trans folks are only about 1/75 people, and gender queer and non-binary folks are about 1/25.. so we need people like you to speak up for us sometimes and role model respect and friendship and normalness, especially for people who have never realised they've met a trans person before (we are everywhere, we are just getting on with being ourselves and might not be visible to others) Thank you for being a good ally! And, like Jessica said, continuing to learn and grow as things evolve ❤🎉

[@Willow0.o]

@@elspethfougere9683 Thank you, that means a lot- wish you the best in life

[@pjaypender1009]

You can't speak "for" trans people. Whatever you say should be information you got from trans people and you should be speaking to other cis people. If your speech was sourced from actual trans people, that's what allies do. Just make sure your sources are trans people. KZbin has several trans creators who are also academic experts. For instance, Jammidodger is a trans man who has PhD in psychology who did his graduate work on trans issues. He's a legit expert and thus a better source that textbooks written by cis psychologists.

[@Willow0.o]

@@pjaypender1009 Yes, of course- I actually watched a ton of Jammidodger's videos in preparation, it was really helpful! And, yeah, I'm pretty sure most ppl in my english class are cis anyway

[@DeveusBelkan]

@@pjaypender1009 I don't think I agree with that. If someone spoke on behalf of me as a gay man, I wouldn't need them to be gay themself. I would imagine trans people can have the same view. And the reason we can hold this view is because the rights and dignities we deserve are self-evident. They are the same rights and dignities everyone deserves. The emotions we feel are not unique. Other people can feel afraid when they are persecuted. They can feel elated when they fall in love. They can feel sorrow when they lose that someone. Sure you can say that there are some things people will never understand from their own perspective and that they should sit back and listen to others because maybe they don't understand a particular nuance. But it's not nuance that we need for people to understand that we are just like everyone else. I would be elated if someone could reach this conclusion from their own thoughts and considerations because it means they truly care and that they are seeing us through themselves. That's probably the most important thing we need. We need to get to the point where it seems absurd to exclude our community because why are we any different, why are the ways we pursue our happiness any different than anyone else?

[@kellyphang6273]

I like the point you made about bisexuals that have relationships that look straight on the outside. I feel included!

[@maryobrien6014]

As a pansexual in a fully hetero appearing marriage, I do too!

[@maddykrantz]

Me too! My boyfriend is cis/het and I'm a bi woman!

[@Isabellva]

@@maryobrien6014 please don't crucify me, I'm genuinely trying to understand - if a queer woman is in a relationship with a cis straight man, isn't she the one who is straight passing, rather than the relationship itself? As in, she's straight passing because she is in a straight relationship and might be perceived as straight, but the relationship itself, which is between a cis woman and a cis man, is a straight relationship. No? I genuinely don't get it help

[@maryobrien6014]

@@Isabellva , you have a good point. I don’t know if I could define my relationship as hetero or straight, as I’m not. Maybe the best term is “opposite sex”. Don’t worry. I’m not at all offended. You’re just looking for clarification.

[@electra424]

@@Isabellva The way I understand it is that if a queer person is in a relationship with anyone, whether that relationship appears to others as "straight" or not, it is inherently a queer relationship because it involves a queer person. This is just my understanding so if this is incorrect in any way I am absolutely open to being educated!

[@jennifers5560]

Wonderful video! Yes be a good ally, we want to claim all of you!! Happy Pride!

[@maddykrantz]

[@jennifers5560]

@@maddykrantzlove these emojis

[@g_vaibs8005]

I have been reading and watching a lot about the world wars, and was very confused for a sec thinking this was on the allies during the war. On another note Happy pride month!

[@sailorsloth619]

LMAO

[@maddykrantz]

LOL HaHaHa

[@Idkpleasejustletmechangeit]

Was Brittain really a good ally?

[@kirbthebean]

I’m intersex because I was born that way. I present myself as androgynous. People who are like, “I support homosexuality, however there’s only male or female” need to do some research. Everyone is valid.

[@P0wderP1nkAndSweet]

saying everyones valid when it comes to gender and sexuality is just... no.

[@kirbthebean]

@@P0wderP1nkAndSweet Why do you think that? No aggression, I would just like to hear your perspective

[@coolnoobalert]

@@kirbthebeanI think they might mean things such as people ‘making sexualities’ for pedos or zoos. Which isn’t valid , and also isn’t a part of the lgbtq+. But, honestly I think it’s pretty clear you probably meant everyone apart of the lgbtq+, and not *everyone* as in the shitty ones too.

[@tenshimoon]

​@@P0wderP1nkAndSweet 👀 actually no, I'm gonna stop you right there because saying EXCLUSIONARY crap and being an exclulu is just... no. 😬 Bigots and phobes of other queer genders and sexualities are not welcome in our queer community. Those of us in the other parts of 2SLGBTQIA+ ARE valid, so get over yourself and grow up, educate yourself and do better. And no, this is NOT up for debate so don't bother replying because I won't even see it. Cope. 🤡🤡🤡🔇

[@tenshimoon]

​@@P0wderP1nkAndSweet👀 actually no, I'm gonna stop you right there because saying EXCLUSIONARY shat and being an exclulu is just... no. 😬 Bigots and phobes of other queer genders and sexualities are not welcome in our queer community. Those of us in the other parts of 2SLGBTQIA+ ARE valid, so get over yourself and grow up, educate yourself and do better. And no, this is NOT up for debate so don't bother replying because I won't even see it. Cope. 🤡🤡🤡🔇

[@nathryl03]

I want to say thank you for this. I'm aroace and I was told I shouldn't go to my city's pride parade a few years ago because "pride is for members of the LGBTQ+ community" and I'm not "part of it, because asexuality is not a sexual orientation, it's a lack of sexual orientation". I know it's wrong, but I haven't been able to convince myself to go to a pride parade because what if other people in my city feel the same way.

[@CiCodiCadno]

Do you have a friend or family member you can go with for support? You don't need to disclose your sexuality to anyone there. But the first time I went to pride and saw someone with an ace flag, I teared up. Hopefully you'll experience that too, even if you don't go with an aroace flag yourself

[@nathryl03]

@@CiCodiCadno I do, it's just that she's a super social person and I don't want to be in the way lol. I know I'm being silly, I guess that person just got in my head. But thank you for this :)

[@nathryl03]

@somethingsomeone4359 Yeah, it the same for me. I know what was said is wrong, but it doesn't stop the effect it has on me.

[@ryanboston2781]

Well that's an ignorant and kinda ugly take on asexuality, really sorry you're dealing with that. I haven't dealt with this much personally, being incredibly introverted myself, but I've heard others I know talking about bad takes on ace from people at pride making them feel unwelcome. It sucks. Do what you can to take care of yourself, and if you're in a place where you really do want to show up at pride, don't let bad takes stop you. We're all rooting for you.

[@nathryl03]

@@ryanboston2781 Thank you for saying this 💜

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

Being an ally is a way of living your values and consistently showing up for them

[@maddykrantz]

Exactly!

[@Lady_Autism]

Yes!!!!

[@thehomeschoolinglibrarian]

I thought I was an alley then at 40 I realized I am bi. Now I am still raising my daughter to respect all people and see people as people and not their, sex, gender, sexual orientation, culture, skin color or belief system. I also promote books about and by all people on my little book and media review channel. I highly recommend Bathe the Cat if you are looking for a good book that shows a mixed family but is more about why not to try and bathe a cat.

[@savannahhostetler8283]

As a bisexual individual in a “straight” relationship, thank you for acknowledging us!

[@maddykrantz]

Same! Girl dating an ally boy!

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

For being the biggest chunk of the LGBTQIA+ community, it's absolutely scandalous how little acknowledgment and support we get. Bi-erasure is a real problem.

[@birb7353]

@@SmallSpoonBrigade As an aroace girl myself, I definately feel the aroace crowd and the bi-but-straight-passing crowd have a sort of kinship in our common invisability. Most people just assume I'm a single, straight girl still looking for love

[@DavidCruickshank]

"The straight people have the money, we need the money" Yes!!! This is why i'm fine with 'corporate pride', yes they only care about money but we need their money being spend on normalising us.

[@SD-qu8vp]

In our company we do have an LGBTQ+ affinity group since 30 years, and we do participate in Pride parades in the different countries. In the one here in Germany we are not allowed to display advertising or brand logos which is perfectly fine. I think it is Important to be visible and make the workspace inclusive.

[@YesTodaySatan69]

Yeah, this is part of why I get irritated when people say the people who buy Pride stuff from stores like Target or Walmart are "stupid for falling for rainbow capitalism". Like, my guy, we are aware of what it is, but they are choosing to spend their money on us no matter how bad some of these things are, and for some of us who couldn't find anything growing up, it's exciting to find it in the wild.

[@MarkCalise]

My wife considered herself a straight ally until i came out as trans, at which point she technically became bi

[@birb7353]

Wait, did you get married before or after coming out? I'm glad things worked for you guys, but that'd be one hell of a secret to keep until after the wedding

[@MarkCalise]

@birb7353 I hadn't admitted to myself that I was trans when I married her. Though we started joking that I was the wife in the marriage soon after we got married. I told her as soon as I admitted it to myself, which was about 15 years into our marriage. Unfortunately, she passed away a couple of years after I came out to her.

[@birb7353]

​ @MarkCalise I'm so sorry you lost her. At the very least, you probably made those 15 years of hers some of the best they could have been. I hope that you're able to find happiness in spite of your grief. Sending love and hugs ❤

[@cewla3348]

@@MarkCaliseI am so, very sorry you had to endure that loss.

[@soulfoodsmama2980]

Sshhhh! If you tell people about the bisexuals they will know we exist! 👻💕💜💙

[@StormEyes1991]

Yup! I like my invisibility. *Shhhhhh!*

[@eleganthobbit6348]

If we can't be invisible, we can't rob banks anymore!

[@chaossmith3864]

I'm double? triple? invisible I think lmao Somehow people still perceive me, much to my chagrin.

[@WitchVampZoe]

I spent a good half an hour this morning telling my mum how happy I am that she's so supportive of this community. She didn't bat an eyelid when I came out to her as bisexual, partly because she knew long before I admitted it to myself and partly because it doesn't bother her who I'm attracted to because she just wants me to be happy. She went to a Pride celebration nearby yesterday that I couldn't go to because I woke up with no spoons. She got to walk in the parade and brought me back some really cute and thoughtful little gifts. I have known so many bad allies and I've had many friends over the years with straight up homophobic parents and other family members. But a lot of them over the years have called my mum "mum" instead of her actual name because my mum is amazing and so accepting. I am so continuously grateful for her. 💜

[@Rhapsody0325]

Fellow queer here: on the sudden shift to partner, for me its partly i worked it into habit that it's the "default" for everyone, combined with the ADHD memory of a goldfish frequently forgetting what word the person (you in this case) used and obviously prefer so i fall back to default, like i'll remember they're queer, just not what word they used. Not sure thats whats happening in anyone else's head when they do that but its what's usually happening in mine

[@juniperraven1386]

Defiantly this for brief interactions where I don't actually know the people involved. There's a good chance I didn't hear and/or process the honorific being said, and also I don't really care about a strangers relationship status. Like friends and family should definitely get it right; but I don't think it's strangers responsibility to remember. I've never worked in food service, but I know when I was working retail there were a lot of times I was smiling and nodding wail actually focusing on what I needed to get done. Restaurants are loud - they could of easily not heard you - and people tend to add a lot of irrelevant details, like I know if I was a server all I'd be listening for is: we're not ready yet or this is the order. Restaurant staff are chronically under paid, I can't expect them to care about my relationship status.

[@felixbelanger2659]

Great video! A lot of it comes down to just treating queer people like you would anyone else doesn't it? I personally think it's nice that English has gender neutral words like partner... In French it's not as simple.

[@missvioletnightchild2515]

Yes, c'est difficle en francais, pareil pour la non-binarité

[@grenade8572]

In french, is more difficult to be neutral, but it's possible. We have for example the exact translation for partner: "partenaire", wich has the same form for male and female gender. :)

[@nuotatorre8741]

​@@grenade8572No such luck in Italy sadly. There is no way to hide your other half's gender when speaking without sounding like you forgot basic grammar.

[@felixbelanger2659]

@@grenade8572 sure, but it's always "mon" or "ma" I know we now have pronouns like "iel", but I'm not aware of a non-gendered possessive pronoun?

[@florencebloem9033]

As someone who goes by she/they and is pan, ace, and aro, I think gay things like TV shows and music should be for everyone. ❤ Like you said, their themes, art, etc, can be felt, understood and embraced by everyone.

[@birb7353]

As an aroace girl who goes by she/they, what do you mean by saying you're both aroace and pansexual? I respect your preferences, whatever they may be, but I figured being aroace was lacking most or all sexual and romantic attraction while being pan was being romantically and/or sexually attracted to all genders. Do you just feel equally about all genders, but are still sorting out how exactly you feel?

[@florencebloem9033]

@birb7353 Yeah, so I struggle with feeling attraction, or romantic feeling for any actual person. I can feel it to fictional people, or people I've never met, but I lose all those feelings if I meet that person. I am still trying to figure it all out, but at the age of 30, I don't know if anything is ever going to change. This could be a side effect of my PTSD, or Autism, but I don't think I'll ever know for sure unless I meet and get to know someone who i am then successfully able to feel attraction and romantic feelings for. If that makes sense? Thanks for being kind and respectful, I really appreciate it!

[@birb7353]

@@florencebloem9033 That makes sense. It sounds like you've gone through a lot of stress trying to make sense of yourself. Just try to remember that there's no deadline for figuring out your identity. No one in their right mind is going to quiz you about your sexuality, then clutch their pearls aghast if you figure out some other sexuality fits you better down the line. If you fall in love with someone irl eventually, that's wonderful! If you live your life enjoying romance novels in a peaceful solitude, that's also wonderful! Both are good lives to lead. Best of luck to you ❤

[@florencebloem9033]

@birb7353 Thank you so much! You are such a kind and wonderful person, and your words have been extremely validating for me, and I so greatly appreciate you and your reply! I hope you have a wonderful day, and an amazing life. ❤️

[@Natalie-101]

Knowing that you're queer, it's pretty funny that the thumbnail looks like you're just saying "No" to all those sexualities😂 And the vintage outfit makes it more believable for people who don't know you

[@teamarie123]

I used to joke that I was the A in the LGBTQIA+ community because told myself I was an ally when I was in high school, and then a few years later I realized I was ace and joked that subconsciously I knew all along. (Never really understood asexuality until about 2019 when more people started talking about it and I was like hey that’s me)

[@HelloAntarctic]

I am queer but spent a long time as a young adult (raised in a fundamentalist cult and very confused) unsure of where I fit exactly and was treated as an outsider because I didn’t understand the unwritten rules set out by the gay community. Someone once said that my questions were “creepy to be asked by a straight person” - but I had just been so relieved in the conversation to feel that I wasn’t alone for the first time. It crushed me and the fallout kept me in the closet longer. Not everyone is comfortable expressing themselves fully yet and some of those moms you speak of may never be able to come out of their closets. Being an enthusiastic ally may be the closest they come to being out themselves. They aren’t any less gay. We are all on different paths and some of us have more to lose than others. Being out as an ally and accepting others can be the first step for those who are not yet able to accept themselves. Let’s not make the bar too high. I’d love to create a world that would have made it safer for me much earlier.

[@TurtleTimeVoiceOvers]

9:56 Speaking of oxygen masks… Please don’t feel that you ever _have to_ do a video for us if you’re feeling exhausted. Put yourself and your health first. If you’re not well because you should’ve been resting, you may also endanger your future health and ability to create videos. We ❤️ you and will always respect your need to put your oxygen mask on first. 💕

[@KJ-wh8fu]

Yes!!!❤ Thank you, Turtle, for saying that!

[@emmaschipper6339]

Good one

[@emmaschipper6339]

Good one

[@Dragonmoon8526]

"I'm not homophobic . . . I'm an ally." Congratulations. Thank you for your service. Heartstopper. 😁

[@TheDog2137]

this quote was ringing in my mind during whole video 😂

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

You do realize that there are other possibilities, right? Some of us aren't either, we're either members of the community or just friends/supporters. This whole ally thing comes from feminists and is more or less just brain rot. Anybody that doesn't live in a part of the world where these things are criminalized has no reason to use such language.

[@Jellywolf-Taylorsversion-]

“Her… her dog died.”

[@kthxbi]

I think its also important to keep in mind that even in 2024 a lot of people are still struggle with their identies, or are in situations where they can't be out. Being able to participate in pride events as an ally can be the first step on a long journey to personal discovery for a lot of people. After all, while the A isn't for ally, the Q is for queer and questioning.

[@sw-suddentraveller]

Thank you for such a sensitive, thoughtful comment. It's so nice when someone just 'gets it'😊

[@stuupiddeaths]

This is so helpful! I'm unsure if I'm part of the community (I think I'm ace and I've heard a lotta discourse about ace people being included, i dont really know if I'm even ace) but if I'm not, I hope I can be a proper ally! Thanks Jessica!

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

The A in QUILTBAG+ is for *everyone* under the asexual / aromantic umbrella. Some of us are demiromantic, others aroace, some aromantic and graysexual, etc. You are absolutely valid as one of us! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤 (rainbow hearts)

[@maryobrien6014]

You put that Q in questioning! Learning I thought I was bi was a shock & then things from my young childhood made sense. Then realizing I’m really pansexual & there was a label for us was another step. It’s a journey. You are welcome, even if you’re not ace, as a clear ally supporting this channel. I wish you luck exploring your romantic &/or sexual self! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[@Werevampiwolf]

Ace people are queer, if that helps, and there's many flavors of asexuality out there that might fit you better than the umbrella label. And even if you end up not being a variety of ace, questioning people are still included in queerdom. The discourse about ace people not counting as queer is relatively recent and is pushed by exclusionists. I was already identifying as asexual when it started and I wasn't really in circles of the internet where discourse happened, so I managed to miss most of it. But yeah, ace people have been included in the queer community since the 70s (we used to be under the bi label because "we're attracted to every gender equally, which is not at all")

[@tenshimoon]

​@@Werevampiwolf yeah. Consider yourself lucky you didn't see most or all of it. I can't say exactly where it started but the majority of it was on tumblr even as far back as 2013 iirc. The ace discourse was extremely aggressive (like threats and wishes of us being unalived and graped, and tw suicide-baiting level of aggressive) from extremely acephobic exclus from about 2013-2015ish, died down, and now seems to have ramped up in a new wave that is now on both tumblr and twitter... I guess as awareness of our existence has spread into the media, a new wave has started. I have to stay away from it for my mental health.

[@autumn_r_t]

It just occurred to me that the statement “I am an ally” is very similar to “I have a black friend.”

[@user_hat]

There's always still "I have a gay friend" or "I have a trans friend"

[@Charles-js3ri]

The partner thing seems more like a symptom of conditioning. Especially if it's an older person, for the longest time they wouldn't have legally been incorrect. I don't get why people can't adjust, but some people are really slow. 🤷

[@pjaypender1009]

No. As an older queer, no. Being old isn't an excuse. Changing wife to partner is sending a clear message that you see the relationship as not the same as a wife to a straight man. This "wouldn't have been legally accurate" argument is the same argument as people who won't use they/them pronouns because of some imagined old rule. No excuses for homophobia and transphobia.

[@Charles-js3ri]

@@pjaypender1009 I am not saying it's okay, I am saying that's a reason why I think people do it. I do think if they can't change after being told or reminded once or twice that they're being rude and homophobic. Age isn't an excuse to stay that way, but I do feel it explains being slow to turn over. I have older relatives that used to do this to my cousin. They love him dearly and his husband, but they'd say weird things sometimes. Eventually they changed and referred to people appropriately.

[@mhawang8204]

An update: It’s very common for straight people to refer to their significant other as partner now. It obscures their gender and thus sexual orientation, and leaves space for queer folk to not disclose their relationship status to mere acquaintances if they don’t want to. Some people simply prefer the term because calling your partner girlfriend/boyfriend like you’re in high school feels immature. It doesn’t have to be a malicious intent.

[@Alina_Schmidt]

Support ALL refugees, but take extra time to learn about issues queer refugees face. Help make sure they get the safety they need and that they are not deported. Never, but especially not to places that are not queer friendly.

[@Wishmiss]

Thank you for mentioning the queer that ends up in a straight looking relationship. Just because I'm ♀️who married a ♂️ doesn't mean I'm not still poly and demi sexual/romantic.

[@princecharmingthemerman]

When it comes to pride, it's more than just how you identify cuz when you boil it down, really, it's about spreading love, kindness, and diversity whilst stomping out hatred and injustices. 😘✌🏻🫶🏻🤟🏻🌊🧜🏻‍♂️👑🌈✨️

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

Being an ally especially means standing up for LGBTQ rights when it is not safe for the community members themselves to speak up.

[@Foxtrick]

i've been called all sorts of slurs (sorry, but being called a lesbo doesn't offend me because lesbians don't offend me, so you lose!!!), been told i'm a pervert (lol!!! only in my own mind.), told that i'm going to hell for having lgbtqia+ friends (same people who told me i was going to hell for reading C.S. Lewis when i was in elementary school, so yeah...), etc. being an ally isn't easy, but it's worth it. happy pride month everybody!!!

[@YesTodaySatan69]

Sorry, off topic, but you got told you're going to hell for reading C.S. Lewis??? Did they miss the part where Chronicles of Narnia was a Christian wet dream?

[@grenade8572]

I'm aroace. In my case, it means I don't fall in love and have no interest for s-. I always thought I coulsn't have problems with religious people, because I'm on another planet than the carnal temptation. Gosh, I was wrong! 'Cause, you know, God want we reproduce and, as long as I don't have a superior path to follow, like Jesus did, I habe to find a man and give him children. Otherwise, I'm an emotionless demon who will go to hell. So, see you down there. 😂

[@MySerpentine]

. . . but CS Lewis wrote the most blatantly Christian stories ever?

[@Foxtrick]

@@MySerpentine when someone (or some church) only focuses on the witch and not the story, then they miss the whole point of his work.

[@MySerpentine]

@@Foxtrick But the witch is Satan. She's obviously Satan. Hell is probably accursed Charn. How did they miss that?

[@R_SENAL]

Someone told me w/regard to being an Ally: "I don't need an Ally. Allies don't always show up when you need them. I need an Accomplice!"

[@striderpup1169]

PARTNER IN GAY WRONGS

[@cewla3348]

@@striderpup1169TWO GAY WRONGS MAKE GAY RIGHTS

[@sallyjordan4869]

Thank you so much for your always-wise counsel, Jessica. And I’m SO sorry about the motion sickness. It’s so hideous. 🎀💖🎀

[@CorwinFound]

Far too often people assume that just not being a horrible bigot makes them an "ally." The bare minimum of human decency isnt allyship. Sure, I'll take not bigot over bigot every day, but not using slurs and not wanting to remove people's basic rights doesn't earn you a certificate of awesomeness. "I haven't beaten any animals or small children this month. I'm a saint!" Kinda cringe.

[@jamesa4392]

I think I'm happy with 'not a bigot' label. I'm not an ally, not because I don't think anyone of any gender, sexuality/asex, race, religion or person of any other descriptor shouldn't be and feel safe, cherished and empowered but because I'm an introvert who doesn't do popular culture. I've been described as 'safe' before, which made me happy to be someone they could trust but sad that some of my friends and institutions that I belong to are not safe for everyone. I celebrated with my friend when I was the second person she came out to and walked with her as she went through coming out with her family. I've been her ally but I don't think I've been an ally to the community. The closest I have come was when I did sound for a friend's weeding in their church. So, I don't think I'm an ally, I always want to be a 'safe' person for anyone. Maybe 'not a bigot' is the best label I can hope for.

[@Bou_Diran]

Came for Jessica's delightful wisdom, stayed for pubby snuggles ❤😊

[@edamamame4U]

As a biromantic asexual woman I was terrified to go to my first pride this year. I felt that I wasn't queer enough despite my experience growing up being anything less than heteronormative. I also felt heartbroken and that I didn't belong when I heard some people within the LGBTQ+ community say that asexuality is a mental illness-- here comments like that made me suicidal and that I was broken and unloved. However, I went to Pride with my close friend this year and had an absolutely amazing time. I felt welcomed and loved and there were plenty of allies there offering support, hugs, and encouragement to people. There were so many more resources this year for a variety of BOTH sexual identities and gender identities.

[@CoolKaius]

Ally pro-tip: always use the same language that people use for themselves. Just like how Jessica refers to her wife instead of her partner

[@JessicaMacKlein]

Thank you for remembering us bis in straight-appearing relationships! Being married to a man doesn't stop me being bi! Also, overall lovely video. I hope you recover quickly from the trip lag.

[@raedefrane5505]

Nothing makes me so sad when I rock up to queer events and there's no ace rep. Hurts every time. This kind of exclusion is why I thought I was straight for 30 years.. A MEANS ACE NOT ALLY AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

[@tenshimoon]

As an angled aroace, SAME. I get so irked whenever the A is excluded. For some reason in my country, they ADDED the 2S but REMOVED the A from the acronym in official government media whenever it's mentioned, so instead of 2SLGBTQIA+ it's now 2SLGBTQI+ and it's like WHY would you add TWO to the acronym while removing ONE? Make it make sense... Fwiw though, my pride parade had so much ace and aro spectrum representation this year - lots of people sporting the flags of both spectrums! I saw ace, demisexual, aro, and demiromantic. I can't remember if I saw the grey flags for either spectrum (and no aroace flag yet). I wanna order aroace and angled aroace flags in different sizes for next year's and at least represent them even though I'll just be watching from the crowd. And yeah, the lack of rep and knowledge is why I assumed I was straight up until around 30, about 10 years ago.

[@squidjam]

I call any type of "other part of you" a partner, whether it's a wife, a husband, they are a het or homo couple, etc. After this video, I'll take note of the words they use to describe their "other part of them" and use those instead. Thanks!

[@cherylkinkaid6801]

Thank you for this. I try to be an ally for communities and it's always good to learn where I might misstep.

[@maryobrien6014]

YAY! 🎉 Thank you for being an ally not just to GLBTQIA+, but anyone who needs it! I’m pan & I don’t always understand or say the right thing. As a kid I had to learn about transgendered. As an adult I had to learn about non-binary or non gendered & EVEN PANSEXUAL! (I always defined myself as bi, till I learned the term for any gender or lack of gender.) I learn & I try. We’re all just human here.

[@kaylinsmith6921]

​@@maryobrien6014If I'm remembering correctly, the -ed suffix is problematic. Thought you'd want to know, given the content of your comment.

[@kaylinsmith6921]

​@@maryobrien6014Separately, the L always comes before the G in the acronym, to honor the ones who stepped up to provide care to the sick and dying during the AIDS crisis in the 1980s.

[@kaysprerogative6746]

And remember lgbtq+ people you don't get to define a different letter. Like saying ace people in a relationship with the opposite gender is straight.

[@CiCodiCadno]

"lgbfq+"? What's the f replacing the t mean?

[@kaysprerogative6746]

​@@CiCodiCadnothanks, I made a spelling mistake (f being below the t on the keyboard)

[@CiCodiCadno]

@@kaysprerogative6746 ah, I was curious if we had a new word! Never mind lol

[@lisastenzel5713]

😮 8:39 People do that?!!! See, that's where I think I am a bad ally. I don't know stuff like that... so, I can't act against that. I also don't learn constantly. Especially the history. First I was to busy working. Now my brain is hardly remembering to eat or drink. And YES both feel like lame excuses. I got a gay aunt and a gay uncle and with my uncle ...I knew kinda soon. But not when I was little. Like 5 or so. Also, I did not get any education on this from my home. It just one day came to be, that they said: "Oh no.. your aunt just married him for the green card, silly.😂 She is into women." And I was like:"Well thanks for letting me know!! 😮 I was so confused by why people wouldn't talk about it, when they did not seem to have an issue with it. Something felt off. So...I try to be an ally. No way anyone could talk trash in hearing range of my ears and not get something to hear from me. But also...I don't actively do much, I think. Well, I did help the netflix queer section to some views😅 Btw, my aunt never spoke about it herself. Which made it weird for me too, cos I got the feeling...she is still ashamed about it. But how could that be, if her/our family was soooo okay with it??! Get what I mean? I asked her a couple years back. And she said, she didn't feel like there was a need to talk about it. But she also said, it isn't easy being gay in that town she was born and still lives. I felt huge admiration for her, having the strength to get through it. But still today... There are funny (as in violent homophobic) characters in that town. She couldn't take a walk with her girlfriend even if she had one. 😢

[@KacielNolwen]

As a bi person in a straight passing relationship, I appreciate that call out. And all you do on this channel. Happy Pride everyone

[@birb7353]

As an aroace girl myself, I definately feel the aroace crowd and the bi-but-straight-passing crowd have a sort of kinship. Most people just assume I'm a single, straight girl still looking for love ;-; Happy Pride

[@williamschlotterer9802]

Our actions define the content of our character, not words. I've just shared this in the US. Love your channel! My wife and I really appreciate your perspectives.

[@jakthebomb]

I love that floral dress.

[@cheesecakelasagna]

I have something similar but I always wear long sleeves blouse under it. This video just inspired me to perhaps start wearing it as is!

[@somedragontoslay2579]

1:00 I didn't come here for you to roast my mum like that, Jessica.

[@Acidfrog475]

Another thing I want to mention as an aroace person: allies… please don’t claim the As in the acronym stand for *Ally. Thank you. (I’m being somewhat passive aggressive since I rather recently ended up in a KZbin argument with people essentially claiming I’m an exclusionist for stating the fact that allies are by default not members of a community, but rather stand for and with the community, and should thus not be included in the acronym. Especially since actual A-identities like the three a-spectrums, abros, etc., are actively erased from the community. As an aroace person, that argument genuinely almost made me cry, so I’m not just reminding to be hyperbolic. The acronym and community actually means something to many, many people.) Edit: There’s a really important topic brought up in the comments which I suggest people read, but I’m adding my response and clarification here. The original reply I replied to claimed the first A in the acronym stands for ally whereas the second for asexual, which I consider a form of asexual erasure. In a different response to my reply I mentioned that there are hetero- and cisgender people within the community, and that I am not trying to exclude anyone. However, the comment below notes that language evolves faster than rhetoric does, and that many allies are either closeted or questioning queer people in their own right, who we absolutely should include in our activism. However, the video in question was specifically about non-LGBTQ+ people at pride (and how we actually want allies at pride), so my automatic assumption was that the discussion was purely about cisgender and allo heterosexual allies, which of course are not part of the community. In my defence, the comment I replied to did not make these important distinctions either, along with forgetting the I in the acronym, which is highly ironic (i.e., forgetting about intersex people in a debate about _the acronym_ and its components). *TL;DR: I am specifically talking about cis allo het allies, not questioning people. There is an important distinction I unfortunately overlooked initially.

[@elzekloen]

Yeah having an 'ally' tell me that at pride and doubling down when I, an asexual person, corrected her made me want to push her off the canal pride boat. Just no, you don't get to claim that space.

[@YellowFreesias]

People do that?! OMG I learned something new today

[@Acidfrog475]

@@YellowFreesias Sadly, they do.

[@dado__]

​​​​@@Acidfrog475How young are you? Because I distinctly remember it standing for ally when I was growing up (late 90s-2010), partly because many "allies" were just closeted queer people, but also because it was usually in the context of community/school organizations: LGBTQA often meant "LGBT, Questioning/Queer, and Allies" as an update to the even older "Gay Straight Alliance". That doesn't mean it doesn't stand for aro/ace in modern terms, but you're forgetting that language moves fast and not everyone is young. You can still be mad if people you correct insist it still only* means ally and that ace/aro people should be excluded, but if you're correcting someone a bit older be aware that the use of ally is often out of learning the acronym a long time ago and never knowing there was an update. *Again, ally was and is still used as cover story by a lot of questioning people. I don't feel comfortable removing it entirely from LGBTQIA+ because I remember when *I* was that ally. However, I think centering ace/aro people is more important in the day to day use of the acronym.

[@Acidfrog475]

@@dado__ Funny you ask about my age, since I actually wrote that comment on my 20th birthday yesterday. So I am definitely young and think rather hastily, but I am definitely not a child. Anyway, I added a clarification and further addendum to my comment in the form of an edit, since what you mentioned here is important and many may skip reading replies. It’s also just good to include that context as it completely changes the argument.

[@hollyj3264]

The B in LGBTQIA+ is not silent 😂

[@asailijhijr]

I had difficulty understanding what was said at 0:49 by the character in the doorway. Thanks for the captions, they cleared up my confusion.

[@arklestudios]

I certainly try. When my workplace does their "Harry Potter Day" nonsense, I wear my "Protect Trans Kids" t-shirt.

[@chefboyarzee]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYONE!!!

[@jennifers5560]

Happy Pride

[@Idkpleasejustletmechangeit]

No, for I am not an one at all. Just as a clarification: I say this because I am in some form or another aromantic, asexual, gay and nonbinary. Like, I am queer in a way that would destroy a homophobe's brain.

[@kaseyford1490]

I wish my family were Allys. I've been out as Aroace for a year and 5 months and they've offered me no support or progression at all. To them, the A's don't need Allyship 😢

[@tinnie75]

As an aspiring ally I wish I had more confidence to speak up against those who say homophobic or otherwise problematic shit. I work with a looot of close minded people in their 40-50s and they're very openly and casually homophobic/transphobic. Since they all agree with each other and support each other's opinions, it's very difficult for me to speak up, especially since they're also 20-30 years older than me and probably view me as a kid compared to them. Plus I'm a cis-het woman who is not in a relationship and not looking for one at the moment, so it would be easy for them to make the jump to thinking I defend gay people because I'm one of them (because empathy for others just doesn't exist, right?) which is not ideal - given their beliefs. But most of them also believe in covid being fake, masks being harmful or lines in the sky sending them secret messages, so why do I expect anything rational from them, right?

[@kaylinsmith6921]

Given all the context, it seems like you'd be potentially putting yourself in harm's way by speaking up, and it is 100% okay to recognize that and not go there. People with hearts like that won't hear you anyway.

[@missvioletnightchild2515]

The wife/partner issue you brought up reminds me of something that I've seen so many time and irritates me no end, which is people commenting on social media posts referring to someone who's visibly queer by they/them pronouns, EVEN THOUGH the piece of media clearly refers to the person as she/her or he/him. Not everyone uses they/them, you are literally misgendering that person by using the wrong pronouns! I don't know if it's done by "allies" or people from the LGBTQ community (I hope not) but it needs to stop. You're not being more accepting by doing that.

[@2nouli]

The amount of times people got extremely confused and shocked at me talking about liking women because I'm in a monogamic relationship with a man for some years now... They think bisexuals can't be monogamic and have a long relationship with someone of a gender because we would miss the other gender too much or something

[@blu_heron]

I had to rewind the video several times just because I was dancing to the background music. Happy Pride everyone!

[@smol-one]

The last snippet of of this reminds me of two phrases. Do what you can when you can and no one can do everything, but everyone can do something.

[@kateisblue]

I am so excited that this season's bridgerton (and future) has been so queer but noone i talk to daily watches it!!!

[@maddykrantz]

[@willw6504]

*sigh* I cancel my Netflix subscription, and a year later, bam, the queer Bridgerton season I was waiting on. Oh well, guess I'll just read the Wild Wynchesters again instead.

[@cheesecakelasagna]

I haven't watched the new second half of S3 because my sisters (and I) started watching the whole thing and we're still on Queen Charlotte

[@vulcanhumor]

9:25 "Including the bisexuals in relationships that look straight from the outside" Thank youuuuuuu💖💜💙

[@redlunatic2224]

1:10 This is the only "ur mom" joke that actually stung... -_- She's really trying, though. I love her.

[@YellowFreesias]

THANK YOU. This is 1000% charming and helpful. It's also useful for Allies to be in many other situations - like race, gender, and ability. ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

[@elspethfougere9683]

Thank you Jessica!!! ❤❤ As usual, a good one to share with rellies and friends or on FB pages when it's too hard to say this yourself. Also, have I really been watching you since before you had your puppy! When it was only Walter! 😳 Oh my goodness! 🎉 Thank you thank you thank you for all you do 🙏😊

[@nikkiewhite476]

My husband and I are a straight passing queer couple. Thank you for including us

[@MarthaRaymond-b7e]

As a swiftie I still love this thats how much I love your videos. Thank you for your videos as you were the first content creator that made me comfortable and confident about being a lesbian

[@evilgingerminiatures5820]

I try to be, quite how successful I am is for my trans friends to judge not me.

[@ShrillyGlitch]

One thing is that you can be a ally twords a specific group of everything! Or not a ally to a specific group!! Being a true ally would be accepting EVERYONE!! (My mom is aphobic/anti asexuality but she supports gays, bi's, pans, trans ect)

[@tenshimoon]

Ugh I'm so sorry to hear about your mom being an acephobic exclusionist. It's extremely hypocritical to be an exclusionist and support the rest of the queer community but not all of it. You're valid. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[@Kira_J]

I hope this is received well but I have a thought and a question. I think this video is talking from a standpoint where the overall assumption is that all queer people themselves are good allies. And they know what is best, and decide who is or is not an ally. But I know allies who engage more in the community than some queers, and even inform them about everything that's going on because they themselves are not that active in the community. Then my (hopefully not stupid) question, but when are you a part of the queer 'community'? Do the same 'rules' apply? Or are you part of the community the instant you realize you're queer?

[@Kira_J]

If the queer community has the right to decide who is an ally or not and if they do enough, why don't they about who is a good community member?

[@ahhh4117]

8:55 there's a pronoun version of this too, when people use they/them when I tell them I prefer he/him. Like ur still misgendering me bro. . .

[@SgtKaneGunlock]

i flip back and forth between being Bi or Pan and still kind of feel weird thinking of myself in that way while i have a preference for women there are occasions were i do find men attractive too i dunno if thats bi-curious or pan or what but i wouldn't call it straight any more anywho happy pride y'all

[@cheesecakelasagna]

I'm on the same boat as your train of thoughts, but I just call myself bi because it's the umbrella term and that it's the oldest term of them, meaning my parents and anyone else can, if not already, understand the concept.

[@cheesecakelasagna]

Or I usually just go labeless when talking to my friends.

[@Waterflame]

Is it just me, or do the captions not match what's being said? (Mostly at the beginning.)

[@beths_version]

Is it even June if there isn't bi discourse on Twitter?! 😂

[@adem6371]

Accomplice not ally is important here (and in all areas of an intersectional society), put yourselves on the line people, use your privilege.

[@alexd4219]

As one of the bis in a straight appearing relationship my heart melted when you called us in at the end of the video :)

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

🥰 lots of love your way x

[@arcanegamer2723]

But what about us gays that love bureaucracy and forms how am i going to fillout my compatibility with that date im currently at in triplicate

[@DinosaurNick]

Happy pride month! I'm a pan, agender person, and my boyfriend is a bi, cis man.

[@AbstractQueer]

Important note on stepping in when, for example, a gay person is being transphobic: make sure you aren't speaking over the community member(s) being harmed, and make sure to center their voices. If a trans person is already trying to educate this person, it's your priority to make sure people are listening to that trans person. If not, while you can share knowledge you have gotten *from trans people*, you should be directing people to resources that are, once again, created by trans people. An ally's knowledge will always be secondhand, and people should be listening to the actual community members being affected first and foremost. Obviously step in to protect someone being attacked, whether that's verbally or physically, but your job is to prevent and reduce harm to those community members, not to show off what a "virtuous savior" you are.

[@jessannes1818]

I think it’s normal for someone in the service industry to refer to your spouse as your partner in the UK. As a straight married person who immigrated from the US, it was a bit grating 12 years ago when I first moved here for shops workers refer to my husband as my partner, especially when I just said he’s my husband. I don’t know if it’s common in the US now, but it certainly wasn’t where I lived at the time. I’m use to it now though and don’t give it much thought.

[@Ylyrra]

Yeah, it's increasingly common over the past decade in the UK to avoid assuming marital status regardless of the apparent genders involved, and many people are just going to do it on autopilot as the default "safe thing to say" when they're paying attention to the thing that's more important to them: ie taking your order, taking your pulse/blood pressure, getting the dates right on the holiday you're booking... Unless someone is making an obvious point of it, I'm not going to hate on someone in the service industry making a mistake in something they've heard once from the 20th stranger they've had to interact with that hour. I can't remember the names of people I've spoken to across multiple years at social events, so they're pretty much practicing high magic to remember anything about me as far as I'm concerned.

[@caitlin329]

I think it's really weird to use it if someone has used a different term. If someone says 'partner' and I say 'spouse' or something, that's also odd, even without the gendered term issue (As someone who works in customer service)

[@SincerelyTaylorGrace]

"I'm not like, homophobic... I'm an ally ✊😃"

[@kat4923]

I'm non binary, but I often pass as a girl and my partner is male... If anyone is restricting my partecipation to pride events they're no better to bigots who harass you for using the bathroom.

[@АннаГорбунова-о7ш]

In Russia to be an ace is even more difficult 'why aren"t you married?' they will ask

[@julescaru8591]

Aww Jess the fact that you show up half drunk ( fatigue) for us and our community, just want to give you a virtual hug 🤗 and say thanks !

[@MidnightBreeze1234]

I completely agree! Also I think she prefers to be referred to as Jessica or Jessie, just so you know. 🏳‍🌈😊❤

[@QueenMegaera]

What I take from this is that saying you're an ally is like saying you're a nice person: it's for you to say if you're TRYING to be a nice person, it's for OTHERS to say whether or not you are.