Are You Dating a Psychopath? | Big Think

Are You Dating a Psychopath?
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If you’re worried about the fact that you're in a relationship with a psychopath, what can you do about that? What might be some certain things to look out for?
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KEVIN DUTTON:
Dr. Kevin Dutton is the author of The Wisdom of Psychopaths: What Saints, Spies and Serial Killers Can Teach Us About Success. Dutton is a research psychologist at the Calleva Research Centre for Evolution and Human Science, Magdalen College, University of Oxford.
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TRANSCRIPTION:
Kevin Dutton: Some of you may be wondering whether you’re actually in a relationship with a psychopath or whether you might have fallen for a psychopath in the past, and, if you are in a relationship with a psychopath, what you can do about that. Now, psychopaths do have certain characteristics, certain tells, to use a poker analogy, that they display in relationships.
They tend to play on our pity a lot, okay? So they tend to excuse their misdemeanors and bad behaviors through something that was beyond their control. They couldn’t help doing it because something had happened, and there’s always an excuse for it. And although psychopaths don’t feel emotions like us, they are masters at pushing those emotional hot buttons that elicit emotions in others, in us. Sympathy being one of the major, major motivators. Psychopaths often play on our pity. They excuse their own behavior because they were somehow hard done by.
Psychopaths also tend to be very narcissistic. They tend to think that the world centers around them. They’re not really attuned to your feelings. They don’t really care about your feelings. Really, ultimately, the world surrounds them.
Psychopaths are also very charming. They’re very manipulative, especially when they’re in a crowd, especially when they’re in company. But behind the scenes when they’re alone with you, they can be very, very controlling. Sometimes, but not always, aggressive, but psychologically controlling as well.
So if you’re worried about the fact that - that you're in a relationship with a psychopath, what can you do about that? What might be some certain things to look out for?
Well, first of all, the absolute first thing to do is to not go on face value, to not fall for the smoke screen. A number one rule of thumb is to don’t judge a person on what they say, but judge a person on what they do. So that’s the very first thing. Look at the evidence of their behavior and try to judge it objectively, rather than subjectively. Not an easy thing to do, I admit, if you’re in a relationship with someone.
Secondly, if you suspect that your partner is a psychopath, why don’t you get a second opinion from one of your friends? Why don’t you confide in your friends: I think my partner’s a psychopath or I think these are the certain characteristics? Give me an honest opinion. What do you really think about my partner? And a second opinion - two heads are often better than one in this kind of case.
Thirdly, a golden rule is don’t cover for them. If they start getting into serious trouble and they want you to somehow front up for them or be an alibi or somehow make excuses or whatever, whatever. Don’t get tangled up into covering up for them because as soon as that starts happening, it’s called the “foot in the door” technique; a very, very common persuasive technique. Once you’ve done something for someone, you’re more likely to do other follow-up things for them. And before you know it, you’re in up to your neck. Okay?
And the fourth thing I would say is, buy my book because all the signs and all the tricks of the trade are in there. And forewarned is definitely forearmed when you’re dealing with psychopaths.
Directed/Produced by Jonathan Fowler & Elizabeth Rodd

[@dclikemtndew]

This guy reminds me of Marty Mcfly's young dad in back to the future

[@arizonaFIREent]

96 Hahahahahaha

[@ceuceu6445]

Tha Ruthless 1_ AZF lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

[@akira1983x]

lmfaoooo omg it's true!

[@Antoine2208]

He missed the more important point : If you happen to discover that the person you were dating is a psychopath, RUN.

[@wadestanton]

@@sabotatrice Some with piquerism make excellent surgeons.

[@FruityHachi]

@@wadestanton hah i’m just watching a tv show about a psychopathic brain surgeon killing people for experiments

[@wadestanton]

@@FruityHachi truth is scarier than fiction, your tv show is keeping you calm

[@JeffreyGillespie]

"discover" LOLLLLL good luck.

[@bodyofhope]

@@wadestanton I've met quite a few neurosurgeons who were high in psychopathy. It seems to be a common trait in that particular field. Makes for an unfortunate bedside manner most of the time.

[@enyvl]

I freakin' love this guy. He's so enthusiastic talking about psychopaths! And when he talks about them it's really interesting, because there are a lot of misconceptions in our society about what a psychopath is, and he ignores those and describes them as they are. It's quite awesome.

[@ladonyastanley1198]

People who actually are in relationships with one don't find the "cool, witty" comments funny. That's one clue. If I am actually concerned at all about being mentally ill, I'm probably not. After living with sociopaths I recognize the fact that they don't ever truly feel they have a problem. And they don't. All of their problems are the world's fault or yours, and you should feel sorry enough to suffer forever with them because of that "fact."

[@ladonyastanley1198]

Reread my first sentence. I get it, I just am living with it...and it ain't easy. I should have seen the video after my first date. Darn the bad luck. If you research, though, you will find that even trained psychologists and therapists are at risk for being fooled by a psychopath.

[@ladonyastanley1198]

Holdupnwatch, reread. Kronstadt, reread.

[@kaecilius2656]

A psychopath will be brutally honest no matter how badly you get treated. It has always a lot to reveal if you think about it you will figure it out a lot you didn't know about yourself, revealed in the most sublime ways.

[@jamesbecker9573]

haha. douche

[@JamesBartholomewMusic]

ohh so my ex was a psychopath.....explains a lot.... glad I'm out of that one!

[@rianmacdonald9454]

he just described my ex-wife perfectly to a tea. i can see it clear as day now, but never saw anything wrong with her at the time. she would say it was always my fault, i was useless, she was perfect,

[@oliobgmoti-bulgaria8401]

Interesting

[@mariaguadalupejagueycruz1800]

Was it an gemini

[@Brxwn9]

@@mariaguadalupejagueycruz1800It’s a Gemini, Taurus, or an Aquarius 😂😂

[@poorsmolchildissmol]

"Are you dating a Yandere?"

[@spitbukket6862]

"Are you dating a weeaboo"

[@mras300]

+teasel bro my favorite anime is Cory in the house !!!

[@ruinenlust_]

+FroZen Jung Un Mine is Boku no Pico!!

[@mras300]

[ IFDIFGIF ] OH dude i love that anime oh my god that was a good one too

[@SpecialHandlingUnit]

I've been living in Japan for the past 13 years and have no idea what any of you are talking about.

[@scottsprojects658]

Stay away from Tinder or dating apps in general. I met one on Tinder and it almost killed me.

[@saras.1912]

Can we talk?

[@trevorhulsey8230]

i watched this to mess with my girlfriend, and it quickly backfired when everything was true about me.

[@LocoZiLLo]

Somehow I think while he is talking, he have several heads in his freezer

[@amit1532]

that made me lol

[@Steve23JJ]

He s wearing one. Ye

[@qbb01]

His dad was a psychopath and he claims he himself has very little anxiety etc.. so maybe ;)

[@anjalikunwar5462]

😂

[@TheNeedlefactory]

This guy just described all people in the banking industry

[@vixxcelacea2778]

It has actually been proven that bankers and stockholders/brokers are more likely to have psychopaths in that profession as opposed to professions that force you to face consequence on behalf of your actions.

[@vixxcelacea2778]

***** Exactly. Good risk takers because fear is rare for them. Sad thing is that to be a stock broker you don't even have to be a sociopath. Most people can pull a trigger, but can't slit a throat with their own hands if they need to kill. Being distanced from the damage caused as well as not being able to see the effects helps many do terrible things unfortunately. Many just use the excuse of "But if I don't do it, someone else will." or "I'm doing this for my family."

[@vixxcelacea2778]

***** Hmm, interesting comparison. I would say that blue and orange morality applies to Spock though considering he wasn't fully human. To me, I don't think free-will exists, so when I look at psychopathy, I interpret it as a person who's wiring is messed up and misses that final connection in the brain. The part wherein feelings bridge connections and separation from others around them. They don't see a right and wrong to me because they lack that connection. Something I noticed when looking at them talking in forums or articles on psychopathy is that they tend to think they're good people and ahead of everyone else. They don't see what they do as wrong as anyone with emotional empathy can. I interpret it as a mental illness, something they can't control. So I do disagree with you there in that sense. Neurologically speaking, they don't seem to have a filter like that because others pain doesn't affect them.

[@vixxcelacea2778]

***** I think the blue and orange morality applies if the alien or creature in question doesn't know that it's harming other sentient creatures. We don't blame animals for their behavior in which some creatures are clearly more psychopathic in their actions then others. I personally didn't find Spock to hold any psychopathic traits, but I never saw all the old star trek series and movies. Given that the race was completely logical and still relatively peaceful, I think it makes sense to say that logically it makes sense to not kill haphazardly just because you're upset or someone annoyed you. Ah, yeah, a self-learning AI. I'd never heard of one doing that, but I did see one that was given a command to walk and it used it's legs in a non-efficient but workable way to carry that out, having to learn all of it's parts and how to work them to move forward. What confuses me about why many are scared of AI is that they assume a sentient one would be like a human and possibly murder people. I don't see why it would have a reason to though. Logically it wouldn't benefit them. I think even if they were sentient, they would defend themselves, but they wouldn't have emotional backing to concrete those type of actions. They wouldn't feel jealousy, annoyance boredom, all of which could attribute to a reason for murder in a psychopath. Even if psychopaths have no empathy, they are as ruled by personal emotions as the rest of us. I don't think that AI will have that, only the 3 laws of robotics and logical processes. It would be a entirely different being from humans. That's my two cents on it anyway.

[@kaecilius2656]

I am not in the banking industry but one day I might find a way to get all the money from it and distribute among other the only other fellow people I could feel empathy towards to. While all the empath people working in the banking industry will lose a lot because they worked for it. They are all just exploits for us to use... we think about figuring out the easiest way to use them. Oh I love so much the stock Market... it's an amazing perfect place, how can I say? I'm not rich yet but I will be... what can I do?!

[@aVeryAngryBowlOfSoup]

Tip to anyone who worries they are a psychopath; you are NOT a psychopath. If you were a psychopath you would have the inability to experience anxiety and thus not be able to worry about being a psychopath, also you would be likely to confuse your own understanding of empathy with being a feeling of empathy AND because of narcissistic pride, be in denial of having traits that distinguish you as someone who is ill or disorderly, so its unlikely a psychopath would label themselves as a psychopath.

[@nocookieforyou1394]

Psychopaths also hate people with speech impediments. I can't watch these videos any more.

[@alvaro1121]

No cookie for you then.

[@missRbeckett]

Psychopath? Nah, just a bad person

[@finnchristian1793]

nahh its cute.

[@SalkisRe]

😅😅😅🤣

[@EcoCrat]

I'm a Psychopath, but my parents have raised me so I don't have all these Narcissistic traits, I think in a round about way it actually makes me a better person. The violent thoughts thing is the one difficult part.

[@Snorks023]

I think I dated a legitimate psychopath. She always used my pity and my sympathetic nature to get what she wanted, I was always there for her. Whenever I was upset or angry or needed her, to my amazement she literally didn't care after 3 years together. Actually she got some sick twist out of making me angry or jealous or hurting me. She also lied to me all 3 years without batting an eyelash, then tossed me aside like a used tissue. I could see the lack of emotion in her eyes

[@jeffreyward8561]

I had exactly this for 3 years I literally thought your comment was one that I had made

[@timemaster31]

So sorry you had to suffer through that abuse

[@foxbat51]

Not a psychopath, just your average woman. 😉

[@glazedgamer7661]

That "buy my book" at the end seemed a bit suspect. Dutton you sly dog

[@ghostsheet777]

Classic psychopath, manipulated us just so we could buy his book

[@IncludeAdvertisement]

Congratulations! That was, by FAR, the best advertisement for a book that I have ever seen ;)

[@andrewpryce1431]

How accurate this is. I have just ended a friendship with someone who displayed those very qualities. This person was capable of doing literally anything to control people, and it became very evident they had phycopathic tendencies. A very scary situation indeed.

[@50colt30Productions]

now I think I'm a psychopath

[@ThePieMan305]

When he says "if you suspect your partner is a psychopath" I started cracking up, that is the funniest shit ever idk why

[@kieransoregaard-utt8]

Probably because you’re not very intelligent

[@xenotbbbeats7209]

Everything he described is exactly what you find when dating someone who has a chemical dependency problem as well. Now I wonder ... Was my ex of long ago a psychopath, an addict, or both? I definitely had a friend who was a psychopath. I completely blew the lid off of her biggest web of lies when I discovered it and never heard from her again. They definitely HATE losing.

[@m4ri494]

I dated a psychopath, and one thing he liked to do was belittle others by feigning that he had a complex understanding of various topics. For the most part, he didn't. But he did use obscure information out of context to intimidate people, assuming that they didn't recognize or know anything about the source of that information, and often not knowing much about it himself.

[@jonathanbrooks4969]

How to avoid harm: 1. Do not be rushed into a fast romance- sociopaths cannot maintain charm for long. 2. Do not date people who will not let you meet family- a psychopath eventually burns all relationships. 3. If you see a sadistic impulse come out in a datiing relationship, take it seriously, and do not let the partner doing this explain it away-once violent and sadistic, always so. 4. If you are convinced the person is a physical threat, run. Talking it out can get you killed.

[@Taxemicshadow]

I am almost the exact opposite of this description. When I am alone, I am incredibly open and usually let all emotions loose. When I am in a crowd, I try to make myself seem less vulnerable by taking action in things.

[@davidpham4061]

the last part 'and buy my book'. Lmao, ironic.

[@Tr33fiddy]

That's not irony.

[@noxure]

Tr33fiddy A psychopath's advice on how to deal with psychopaths is to buy his book. How is that not ironic?

[@Tr33fiddy]

noxure It's not ironic because he's not a psychopath. Humorous, dry, playful possibly even sardonic. Not ironic.

[@gabe2968]

So every woman I've ever dated?

[@dynamontesclaros8296]

lol

[@dynamontesclaros8296]

lmfao

[@ManishKumar-qq5hh]

Hahahaha

[@coastalcapybara]

@@user-un6sb4kn2z я не понимаю, что так раздражает. что?

[@starboiklem8381]

@@dynamontesclaros8296 why did lol got 2 likes but lmfao got 20?🤔 Btw you still alive right?😛

[@Blast_6]

I enjoyed the session ... till he said "buy my book" and snapped me bck into reality lol

[@Latingunner1]

Well this helped a lot and when i needed this the most it poped in my feed thanks for the video

[@desthebest100]

it sounds like psychopaths are just more advanced humans

[@artistmacd]

if you read actual case studies of real life psychopaths and the massively destructive influence they have on everyone and everything they come into contact with, you'd change that stance very quickly (unless i suppose you were yourself psychopathic, and don't believe that human welfare matters).

[@desthebest100]

Mister Media No I know they can be destructive, but I'm just saying they have a many more abilities than normal people.

[@artistmacd]

Desmond Turner they do have advantages in a few areas, yeah

[@desthebest100]

I'm just saying that everything they're born with is very beneficial to them even if it hurts regular people, so in a sense they are more advanced on a basic level.

[@artistmacd]

Desmond Turner i know what you mean, but it's not necessarily true. It's not about inherent skills, or that they are just "better" (i think that's a misguided train of thought) because it implies that psychopaths are born naturally with their skills: they aren't. They train and develop those skills over years of practice, and any average person without the disability could practice and become just as good at those skills as a psychopath (if all other things are equal), it's just a question of motivation. an intelligent person, given the right motivation and education, can live every experience a psychopath can, but the opposite is not true. The real failure of a psychopath is in functioning as a team, to accomplish anything bigger than what one person is capable of achieving alone. Which is arguably, the biggest strength of humanity.

[@Fallencomrade182]

He seems fairly spot on. Though I don't like to admit it, I've been in a relationship with a psychopath and everything he listed was spot on. Also, most of the comments to most of this channel's videos are gradually making me lose faith in humanity.

[@gdb5444]

This dude knows sooo much about psychopaths he has started to look like one!

[@lexi1688]

gdb5444 psychopaths don't all look crazy...

[@jasonaguilar2085]

It's the hair.. His hair tells all

[@ceuceu6445]

@Jason Aguilar are u sure about that

[@ysl6364]

Lol

[@rio9266]

This is gold for a psychopath.

[@dynamontesclaros8296]

lol

[@rio9266]

+Dyna Montesclaros If you know what people look for when they are trying to identify a psychopath, then you can be even more sneaky.

[@WintersunForever]

I appologize my keybooard is broken. Yeah, whilst tteachiiing wwwhat to look for, he iis teaching us how to get arround or cccloud the "evidence" thattt could incriminate us. I wear my psychopathy as a badge.

[@dar1n_fgp]

@WintersunForever I think you have a slight stutter pal

[@arete_]

How would you do that? By acting non-psychopathic? Wow, that would be a really sneaky... lol

[@blkbbw8295]

I dated a blond psychopath from Poland. Highly manipulative and was able to present himself as sweet and endearing. Definately played on the emotions, especially sympathy. I noticed women around him (myself included) were the most easily manipulated by him. He boasted about being able to talk his way out of anything, from parking tickets to physically abusing a child at school (He's a school teacher) back in Poland. Since coming to the UK he has risen to the top of his profession. After a while I realised what he was really like and what he was doing, to the point where he told me I was one of the only people that he couldn't get his way with.

[@empresssparrow7460]

I used to think maybe it was possible I was a psychopath but then I realized I just had a tough life and am very selective about the people I care anything about because I just tend to like animals a hell of a lot more than the average person.

[@Doccolad]

I feel exactly the same.

[@craycho9899]

Oh god you're one of those people aren't you? PEOPLE ARE SO MEAN I PREFER MY DOGS THEY'D NEVER HURT ME :'((( Well guess what , as lovable as they are dogs are still animals. They love you because you feed them and reward them and pet them. Humans love you because they fucking choose to (normal ones at least). If you can even remotely love a fucking mut as much as a living, breathing human being you've never even come close to truly loving someone and being happy. Just because there are utter pieces of human waste out there who will use your affection as a weakness, doesn't mean that no living person deserves your genuine love and commitment. So don't give me that "animals are better than people" crap.

[@empresssparrow7460]

CrayCho Boy you need to learn to read. I said "I just had a tough life and am very selective about the people I care anything about" Now my case is different than most. I spent years in therapy learning to deal with my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after having been beaten, emotionally and mentally abused and molested by two separate grown men throughout my childhood. So obviously I love animals. I saw the darker side of humanity from early on and when I had nobody I had the love of my pets. I never once said I didn't care about people. But I really just don't care about most people. I love my family, I love my fiance, I love his son and his family but others I don't care nearly as much for. If I see on the news there was an accident somewhere I'm just not gonna feel as bad as if I see one more of those animal cruelty vids with animals who've been set on fire, malnourished or severely beaten because It just hits me harder. I can't handle when bad things happen to kids, elderly and animals... Maybe it's about innocence or helplessness, i really don't know. Also you have no right to act like my compassion for animals places me in the minority because you're lack of compassion is more uncommon.

[@craycho9899]

Fair enough. If there's one thing that animals provide it's innocence and unconditional love. I guess you needed that at one point of your life.. Have a good one :')

[@Doccolad]

CrayCho Don't we all?

[@snowangel1616]

I haven't dated a psychopath, but I was friends with one. It was absolutely horrible, but luckily, we no longer speak. Every single point made in this video described our relationship. The problem is when you're good friends with someone, you tend to overlook these character flaws (that are not present in normal people) and when you like a person you'll try to make excuses for them, even when deep down, you know something is wrong.

[@iamcuriousidiot]

really good, thank you :)

[@MrSleepylk]

He had me at the beginning but as soon as he mentioned narcissism I thought to myself, "hands down I am one."

[@angelicaporro4060]

If you honestly think that there is a possibility that the person you are dating is a psychopath, then you should get out of that relationship. Not make sure they actually are one.

[@Bridge2110]

Not all psychopaths are murderers, etc. It can be just a lack of remorse but it doesn't mean they're going to kill anyone.

[@angelicaporro4060]

Still, not a relationship you want to be in. They can still harm your emotional health.

[@Bridge2110]

Angelica Porro anyone can hurt your emotional health. They might just be better at it but you can still be happy with a psychopath.

[@weekend9057]

Thomas Bridgewater So true it can be anyone we all know that pain when your at the bar drinking in shame or eating ice-cream watching a romance film in any case, BigThinks way would mean that everyone I've dated is a psychopath

[@lexi1688]

Angelica Porro actually, it is possible that I am a psycho, but I'm not sure since I never got that looked at, and my boyfriend is very happy with me. It's extremely judgemental to say that a psychopath is a bad partner.

[@Slippery26Samm]

He is not saying that someone who appeals to ones emotion is one. What he is saying that that is a strong trait of one. The same as your engine light comes on in your car and they hook it to a machine. That machine does not say you have a blown fuse but it gives you a couple of possible reasons why it is on. Wether it be a blown fuse, blown motor or etc...I hope that clears up a little for you...

[@angelaknox]

Good video thank you

[@SalkisRe]

Great advice

[@greenghost2008]

Thanks. I've been looking for notes how to hide and be better at this.

[@MarcosFMolina]

Then you are not a psychopath.

[@greenghost2008]

I was trolololo

[@dynamontesclaros8296]

haha you're not

[@WhatAboutNepal]

This guy knows his stuff, for sure. I was in a relationship with a person like this. They are so charming and suck you right in. On thing of concern is that personalities are often inherited. To be in a relationship with such a person is a lot like having a child you have to take care of at some level. You worry that they will get into trouble. But one thing this psychologist didn't mention here is that they will try to get you to take part in their drama, whether illegal or just clawing their way to the top. Then if his scheme starts to crumble it's you who will be thrown under the bus; best case scenario he just blames you as if it were your idea. While you are in the relationship you see all you are doing for this guy and think he could never find someone as good as you if you left him. But when he's finished and you are kicked to the curb deeply in debt, unemployed, family heirlooms missing and all your friends and family getting to say how they knew it all along you find him with a younger, prettier woman to replace you.

[@_Galaxymuffin_]

+Nepal: A Tourist's Manual That moment when you're glad to be a sociopath and not a psychopath. While I quite enjoy manipulating people, and I'll do almost anything if its advantageous, I have no desire to ruin other peoples lives in the process. Everyone has a life to live, and that is your own personal right. But I suppose it also helps that I have no interest in relationships at all anyways.

[@WhatAboutNepal]

+khaosjoker909 Maybe you were a 'failure to bond' baby. This can be due to either bad parenting skills or even chronic ear aches. My parents wanted to teach me to behave and left me to cry. I was a sickly baby. This almost caused me to be like that and in some ways it did. I'm a very kind, compassionate person, but just don't connect easily. I'm also intrinsically driven, which means I do what my inner direction says and don't care about outside rules as much as other people, if I feel morally justified. So just because a person has some traits it doesn't mean anything bad. We are all so unique.

[@_Galaxymuffin_]

Nepal: A Tourist's Manual In my case, I find it impossible to develop an emotional attachment to people, nor do I really care that much about people other then myself. I have friends that I like, sure, but I wouldn't be sad if I lost them. I'm basically Dexter minus the homicidal tendencies, if you've ever seen that show. lol.

[@nickspeakstruth133]

This sounds like one single subjective personal story. Way too much detail to be a common thing happening exactly as described

[@NomzNoodle]

I actually dated a psychopath for nearly 4 years... It was only after we broke up that I realized how cruelly manipulative he was

[@arturo_cruz]

I had an ex-girlfriend who asked me if I was a psychopath. coincidentally she's been missing since then.

[@alyssacobb2267]

Smooth move "Buy my book!"

[@Doccolad]

Kinda like... "foot in the door"

[@de0509]

I have a quite uncivilized housemate and I kinda manipulate him into feeling guilty. Like when I find food scraps like a banana peel in the bathroom bin. I mention how people who eat while they shit are disgusting and if its because to save space in their own personal bin, it is an asshole move. And when there is urine on the seat, I post pictures of it on Facebook and anonymously shame the culprit. It mysteriously got cleaned afterwards so it worked though. Also when someone broke my favourite spatula. I anonymously place it in front of the culprit's room repeatedly until the person announces that he will buy a new one so whoever hounding him can stop it. Also when playing online games. I tell people what strategy works and what doesnt and highlight it when someone is going to a bad position. Sometimes they dont and I end up losing but did the most damage to the enemy (not exaggeration). I also get annoyed when animals get scared of me when I have no intention to harm them. So the question is... Am I a psychopath? It would sound cool if I am though

[@jmsolano0516]

You sound like the average clean women, probably not a male

[@Deivid_C]

jmsolano0516 Based on your words, I am an average clean woman even though I am a man. LOL

[@chrisjohnson9645]

Advising people to not be stupid slobs is not manipulation. Why is it that the lazy people get characterized as the true humans. . That's just a stupid babyish excuse for being a lazy turd.

[@chrisjohnson9645]

jmsolano0516 By your definition a real man sits on a urine soaked seat to take a shit. Can you defend that point? Why is it preferable to have urine on the seat?

[@C0smicVoid]

I dated a psychopat once. For almost 1 1/2 years. It almost killed me.

[@metfanmetfan1477]

I don't dare to ask but.... Can they be heald and are they born this way or formed this way becourse of a harshe childhood?

[@kyphilburg]

So as I am watching this, panic begins to set in. I observe many of the traits being discussed as things I do all the time. "What" I think to myself. "Am I a Psychopath? Surely not. Surely I am missunderstanding. No. no wait. There is a nother thing I DEFINITELY do. Damn." and then I see the massive text block at the end that is cleary additional information. "Phew" I think. "I am ok after all..... Or am I?"

[@BanditChan]

no one knows if they're crazy...

[@cuub1376]

if you are scared of being psychopath, you probably arent one.

[@aketafull]

My father is a psychopath. :/

[@neisy2362]

Sounds like a healthy and wise thing to do! (Examining yourself, identifying one's own patterns of behavior). I haven't known psychopaths to be very introspective, certainly not in a constructive way, so might be a lot of hope for someone who is (introspective, insightful) imo. A good counselor can do wonders with someone who's willing to look at themselves honestly!

[@nanettefabros6237]

Interesting info; I am thinking there - as w/ most things, a spectrum to this illness. One automatically thinks horror movies or news headlines, why I never thought to look into this. I wonder if other people think their loved ones may be narcissistic, when as like you said - can be a characteristic, while this would answer more questions. I look at it as a self defense mechanism to extreme stress in childhood. Thanks

[@brockfg]

is being a psychopath generally bad? what about the psychopath that perfectly simulates a genuine and caring person, never slipping up so that they can excel in society without being marred by social scrutiny?

[@kadennedak]

Brock I've had the same thought as well because I don't know if I am or am not one, I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to live a "normal" life and enjoy it as everyone else does. I want to have a family and be able to raise kids and care for a wife. I want to do all those things yet I still am unsure of my mental stability.

[@Edible_Kittens]

Here's the thing, just as they can care enough to keep up appearances for you, they will not care enough about you in the long-run to make you feel special or wanted. They will generally give jack-shit about your thoughts and wants after some time in a relationship. They could technically be the perfect partner, but only if it gives them the benefits. Even then, psychopaths are known to be quite impulsive and if you are not providing constant stimulation and excitement, they will search for it in other people.

[@EarthRaz]

I suspect this guy is a psychopath himself.

[@marcandrei8061]

Dr kevin Dutton o yea hes a psychopath

[@aliceochola1071]

😂😂

[@boyardebbarma9039]

Lol hahahaha

[@alexandercrofts]

No he isn't! If you had read any of his books you would have known. His father was a pscyhopath and one of his friends in school though.

[@pickytop4381]

No..he have mentioned that his father was a psychopath

[@rcreative1]

All of my friends and family thought my ex-wife was mentally ill, and it wasn't until after we got divorced that I realized they were right.

[@theVERYCONFUSEDgirl]

You basically just described my father ... thank you

[@salohcin79C]

Nice hair

[@ZoTime747]

Yes we are more advanced

[@anonymoususername2201]

shut up you whannabe, take the white pill

[@joeljuarez3789]

lol that shameless plug at the end

[@MegaTrivial]

How do you recognize you are dating an empath (a male emp.)?

[@lois1959]

Lol I am bipolar get angry pretty quick I hate people I live at night and even sometimes stay up the whole night smoking weed, I can't admit it when it is my fault and I do not feel a lot of emotions, I hate to hurt animals tho I never did but in a fist fight Id destroy my opponent am I really psycho?

[@UranijaZeus]

He should get a shorter haircut. He'd look so much better.

[@Kilwillae]

Agreed. Friends can also be very biased either for or against your partner for various reasons, and can deny certain behaviors or explain them away.

[@KN-os1pv]

If you attract psychopaths chances are some of your friends may be one as well - not a reliable source in other words.

[@cuub1376]

All psychopaths watching this video: Thank you, I will definitely look out for that.

[@johnbob4382]

In this video: A psychopath who has dedicated his life to studying psychopathy in an attempt to justify his own existence. You can literally see the ironic look of egotistical smuggery on his face as he talks about himself in the third person.

[@PuftPrin]

+John bob And also by the way that he pushes viewers to purchase his book, haha.

[@Septiviumexe]

Is it weird that this "psychopath" he talks about seems to resemble my own personality?

[@Septiviumexe]

Damn. I really wanted to be so I could feel like a god among men. I'll try talking to myself in the mirror a few times and see what great lines I come up with

[@davidwestern3878]

+Paul Sack lol

[@davidwestern3878]

***** People need to realize that most psychopaths feel really lonely. Normal people are almost alien.

[@NJ-wb1cz]

Stop relationship with yourself. It's bad for you.

[@TheHebrewHammers]

if you are a psychopath, you are immediately disposable.

[@vwzm27]

so basically this was an ad for this guy's book

[@vinayseth1114]

Yes that is why we love seeing you perform.

[@loogy123]

This guy is a psychopath.

[@IndridCold]

If he is a psychopath he is using it for good, his work is always trying to find the good in it.

[@DunkeysLongLostSon]

This guy is so obsessed with psychopaths I'm starting to think HE himself is a psychopath.

[@1madaboutguitar]

He claims to be.

[@xxWethewalrusxx]

I think you have a very good point with this culture of self entitlement, no so sure on psychopathic tendencies, I say this as I feel that through electronic means we do not necessarily feel the same emotions as we do when we experience these things.

[@fka_the_body1542]

Buy my book 😂😂😂that was slick 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@HoldupnWatch]

Psychopath's are narcissistic, don't care about other's feelings, and thrive when someone is weak? Soooo... that describes almost everyone I've ever met. Seems to me being deemed a psychopath is subjective in and of itself.

[@schattensand]

Go better see a doctor.

[@bubbaschmidt8810]

You should meet new people

[@bubbaschmidt8810]

Yes i am

[@vivianhurd2041]

HoldupnWatch that sounds like me

[@twitchmidget]

I'm sorry, but I have a degree in psychology... And I always wondered about wether psociopaths or psychopaths even exist; or rather I believe that everyone is a psychopath in one way or another. They say a psychopath is someone who thinks only of themselves and will do whatever or say whatever it takes to get their way. But doesn't everyone do this? No matter what, people are selfish- some are just better than others at hiding it. People at their cores don't want to suffer. Everyone wants things to go their own way that's obvious dude. But humans are dualistic beings... Now I believe there are masochists, people who enjoy watching their peers suffer. I just have trouble with the psychopath thing because most people I know including myself fall into this category it seems too wide of a scope.

[@Cortexion]

well everyone has one psychopathic trait but unfortunately its a really big grey area just because of how hard it is to find and how inconsistent it is with each case

[@vixxcelacea2778]

***** True, which is why I think psychology and neurology should scale mental issues as numbers. As in, it's totally normal to have 1-3 out of say 10 traits or tendencies from anything of depression, OCD, narcissism etc. People not being classified as having the disorder, because for instance, it is completely normal to dislike something out of place or want to straighten something. But if you have say either a level of 4-6 or 4-6 traits, then you have tendencies or heavy tendencies to a disorder or another. And if you're 7-9 you get classified with the disorder in a level of moderate to extreme. Basically, mental issues are not black and white, like you said, everyone has a trait from at least one mental issue or another, so there should be varying degrees that allow someone to figure out if they have tendencies or a full blown version of a disorder. There are plenty of people that are text book cases when it comes to disorders. I personally find that to mean that we know a lot about the disorder, as opposed to trying to put people in a box which offends many people if they fit something to a T.

[@Cortexion]

Vixx Celacea yes thats why the psychopath test is scaled in 0-40 with 26 being the lowest for any criminally violent psychopath or at least where its probable but really 26 is basically the line between being one and not though the tests are sooo boring and 3-4 times too

[@vixxcelacea2778]

***** In that case, they should just give them a brain scan. If someones empathy center of the brain is really low on activity or has none at all, then they're either a psychopath or narcissist. Unfortunately psychology dominates the diagnoses, which is a loooong drawn out series of talking to the person, testing them, asking questions, where as you could just take a scan much like a blood test and directly see what's going on. Also some psychopaths are smart and they know not to answer a question that may ask "how selfish do you think you are?" Nearly everyone in the world will say maybe a 2-3 max on a scale of 1-5. Is there anyway I can see this test online? 0-40 with 26 being a psychopath sounds like an extremely wide birth for it. I really want to see what questions are on it. If they're as obvious as the "Are you a terrorist?" when applying for a visa or something. Because if so, then it's a pretty bad test.

[@Cortexion]

Vixx Celacea unfortunately the test can only be performed by a professional psychologist/psychiatrist (depends really) over the period of 2 hours at least they will ask you questions that they individually decided so you will never get the same questions and from this they decide your score 0-40 as mentioned before they have a checklist of 20 items Factor 1 Facet 1: Interpersonal Glibness/superficial charm Grandiose sense of self-worth Pathological lying Cunning/manipulative Facet 2: Affective Lack of remorse or guilt Emotionally shallow Callous/lack of empathy Failure to accept responsibility for own actions Factor 2 Facet 3: Lifestyle Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom Parasitic lifestyle Lack of realistic, long-term goals Impulsivity Irresponsibility Facet 4: Antisocial Poor behavioral controls Early behavioral problems Juvenile delinquency Revocation of conditional release Criminal versatility Undetermined Other Items Many short-term marital relationships Promiscuous sexual behavior the checklist itself was devised by a psychopath because who would best know right? and before psychopaths themselves started wondering why they were different nobody had any clue there was such thing so you can be sure what little is known will be accurate (i can confirm this) and though there are only 20 items the other 20 points for the final score is based on the intensity of the items and though usually one test will be enough for me they had to do several because they wanted to confirm the answer and yes MRI scans are being used more and more often to see exactly what the physical difference is (BTW the "disorder" is a physical change in the brain which is why no medication of any kind is available simply because nothing can undo a lifetime of brain development altered by something as powerful as genetics i can go into more detail if you want) though if you were wondering as many do if we know independently of being told yes think of it as if someone had been blind since birth they would always know they were different without needing to be told "you're blind"

[@MrKaizerWEM]

As someone who has worked in psychiatry, I was under the impression that the term "psychopath" was gone from most of modern diagnostic manuals.

[@alisondavis9395]

where do I buy this mans book?

[@KingTesticus]

i hate to break it to you, but psychopaths know every single strategy you do and cannot be so easily "discovered" by this guy's methods. there are no "tells" as he puts it. psychopaths are constantly aware of every thing they do and say and how these behaviors and interactions affect others around them. psychopaths are perfectly capable and definitely smart enough to adjust their own strategies to incorporate any evidence an "expert" cares to throw out there as THE way to detect a psychopath. psychopaths can read too ya know, and they know how to watch youtube. "normal" people are not capable of hiding ANYTHING from them. but psychopaths definitely can (and often do) hide a great many things from normal people.

[@Zeriel00]

+KingTesticus Psychopaths are human beings, they make mistakes, they don't know everything and they're not infallible. They always act without remorse and with their own interests in mind. Their brains are wired differently, so it's not hard to spot them if you pay attention and you can also test them yourself by simply trying to get them to do any selfless act without them noticing.

[@KingTesticus]

Nepu-Tech USA good luck with that. every "expert" constantly reminds everyone how "intelligent" psychopaths are compared to the general public, yet, the general public likes to entertain themselves with this illusion that somehow they're going to be "smart" enough to out-smart a psychopath? i don't get it. no, they're not infallible. i agree. but they're way smarter than the rest of us, so it makes perfect sense they could learn to adapt and fake everyone out. the last thing a psychopath wants is to stand out. so i think your opinion that it isn't hard to spot them is basically a self delusion. you WANT to think it isn't hard to spot them. but i bet there are psychopaths in your life who are right now pulling the wool over your eyes... but whatever :-) +1 anyway

[@Zeriel00]

KingTesticus Well from reading the Psychopathic symptoms, increased IQ is not one of them :p They mention them as intelligent because they know how to blend in and manipulate people but if you're smart you won't let yourself be manipulated by anyone psychopath or not. I guess it depends, for me it's easy to spot when someone wants to screw me over at least. I can tell you right now most people in charge, CEOs and politicians are a good place to find them. I guess what makes them scary is that they are often people in power, but I'm not afraid of being outsmarted. I've told a couple of CEOs to go fuck themselves before lol

[@KingTesticus]

Nepu-Tech USA not everyone who wants to screw you over is automatically a psychopath. some people simply are assholes at heart. kind otherwise, just not to you (or me). and not everyone "in power" is a psychopath either. although when it comes to the gov't, i'm still considering what my opinion of that is. a bunch of soulless hacks and corrupted pieces of shit. but anyway.. some of my best friends are psychopaths. sorry, but it's true. not only will they help you move, they'll help you move a body ;-) lol

[@Zeriel00]

KingTesticus D: Not sure if that's a good thing or not xD

[@fizikshizik]

That guy is playing our emotions raising our fears and suspicions about the dearest ones. All to manipulate us to go and buy his book. He knows how psychopaths think and act so well... Oh.

[@fuzzyflpperz]

"And the fourth thing I would say is...buy my book." Haha, did I just watch a clever 3 minute advertisement for his book?

[@sabade.]

subscribed :) Please do more interviews with Dr. Kevin Dutton

[@TheMrMax1]

We'll all describe our partner as psychopath after watching this video... great job Kevin.

[@Anymous578]

It takes a Psychopath to Know one Haha

[@boohooo6381]

Hello

[@jimmymadsen628]

Smooth advertisement of his book right there. I've read all of his books - They are definitely a good read.

[@kyozero5840]

I always seem to pass the tests that suggest I'm a psychopath, but I don't seem to have the same behaviour as what is associated with them, I rarely get into trouble, and wont try to have my friends cover for me

[@fuzbugg]

you probably had good parenting

[@LeftRightLeftUpper]

"And lastly... buy my book!" HAHAHAHA this guy is a snake oil salesmen.

[@MrOTBxTrains]

welp, i guess i'm a psycopath... but i'm also a harmless stoner xD

[@kickidii]

Word man 420(y)

[@spigotsandcogs]

Congratulations Kevin, you are the only person on the Big Think that doesn't piss me off.

[@Only_God_Is_Allah_SWT]

No one is attuned to your feelings until they have experienced the same situation.

[@KN-os1pv]

This is not true.

[@Adya25]

My boyfriend is a psychopath,but i don't care, he is rich!

[@darkbearmoon]

Gold digger

[@meggierussell952]

Well, that doesn't sound shallow and stupid at all...

[@xer0Hack]

No such thing as psychopaths. Just true humans and sheeple. The sheep always want to rid the world of the wolves.

[@SLASHERamc]

Nope, brain scans show that psychopaths amydgalas (love center of the brain) are not working.

[@markdinsdale4869]

this comment should come with a trigger warning, I cringed so hard I think I ruptured an internal organ.

[@musiczkl98]

Åńdrêw Çøłïn how love center work when love doesnt exist

[@WhatsNextIWonder]

Spoken like a true psychopath

[@ThomasTan899]

1. Don't judge person on what they say. Judge someone on what they do and try to judge them objectively 2.Get a second opinion from a friend. 3.Never cover for them.

[@moronlight3230]

How do I know if I'm not over controlling?

[@NeedyChris]

"Are you dating a Trump supporter?"

[@NJ-wb1cz]

At least you can easily tell if that's the case.

[@MarkGibbons]

I think I am, and I don't care. He didn't say he was worried, he just thinks he is. we're able to acknowledge ourselves.

[@adolphsanchez1429]

I've never dated a psychopath, but I did date a girl whose personality traits were in line with most, but not all, of the narcissistic personality disorder criteria found in the Diagnostic Statistic Manual.

[@cardogkitchen4106]

Optimist: The glass is half full Pessimist: The glass is half empty Psychopath: It doesn't matter

[@TheOrnt]

every time I open youtube, this guy tells me I'm a psychopath. Damnit,.

[@cass8902]

my ex was definitely a psychopath... he literally perfectly fits the description

[@ostsweinen5240]

"Buy my book" Hahahah

[@kenji3787]

What do I do if I think am the psychopath?