Are you using submissive language?

In this video, I will teach you to identify whether you have a dominant or submissive style of speaking English. I’ll also teach you how to adapt your speaking style if you wish to be either more assertive (dominant) or obliging (submissive) in the future. If you have a dominant style of speaking English, you are someone who takes control of a situation and who isn’t afraid to ask directly for the things you want. On the other hand, a person who uses submissive language has difficulty putting themselves first in any life situation. If you are someone who speaks English in a submissive way, you may find it difficult to achieve your goals in life, although on the positive side, you may speak in a polite and courteous manner. Can you recognize submissive language? Take the quiz at www.engvid.com/submissive-lan...
Continue to change your behaviour and life by understanding and changing the way you speak by watching these videos next:
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TRANSCRIPT
Hey, everyone. In today's lesson we're looking at submissive language. "Submissive language" is when you speak in a way that makes you really, really small and not important, and the person to whom you're speaking is all so special and so amazing, and much more important than you.
An example of a character who uses submissive language is Dobby the House-Elf. Dobby the House-Elf is in all the Harry Potter films. Here is one of Dobby's quotes, and this is from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. "Dobby is a free house-elf and he can obey anyone he likes, and Dobby will do whatever Harry Potter wants him to do!"
So, what's interesting about this quote in terms of submissive language is: "Dobby is a free house-elf", and the thing about the house-elves in Harry Potter is they are like the slaves of some of the wizards; the bad kind of wizards in Harry Potter have house-elves as slaves and they do everything for them. But Dobby is a house-elf who won his... Who considers himself to be free; but yet, if we look at his language, he says: "He can obey anyone". When you obey someone, it means you do what they tell you. So, he's free; but yet, he obeys anyone. So it's a... It's a contradiction.
"And Dobby will do whatever Harry Potter wants him to do". So, although he's a free house-elf now, I guess Dobby hasn't changed that much because he's happy to do whatever Harry Potter wants him to do, because Dobby is very grateful to Harry Potter and he respects him very much, so we see it in the language that he uses.
So, most of us, we aren't going to use submissive language in such an obvious way like Dobby the House-Elf, but there might be signs of it in our speech, and that's what we're going to look at in this lesson. I'm going to give lots of examples where, without realizing it, we might speak a little bit like Dobby the House-Elf.
Okay, first, before we get there, I want to talk about what this kind of language shows about us as a person. Some of it's good, and in some situations we might look at it as... We might see it as a negative thing in some situations. It might be good for us sometimes, but if we use it too much and we make ourselves small in that situation, maybe it's not helpful for us.
So, first of all, when we talk in this way, sometimes it has the appearance of being very polite language. And that's good in a way-isn't it?-because it seems that we have good manners, and we are... We are a charming person because we're being very polite. But then if we go too polite, sometimes it doesn't seem that genuine or authentic, perhaps. So, when we use this kind of language as well, it shows that we're considerate people; we're people that think about the needs of others first. The people we like especially, we make them very, very important and we care about what they think. So, this shows that we think of other people and not just of ourselves. This kind of language also shows that we're conscientious people. It means that we... We have a... We care what other people think of us, and we want other people to think that we're kind of people, and good people, and helpful people.
And then the next thing this kind of language shows about us is low status. That's another way of saying: "Oh, I'm... I'm not very important; you're more important than I am." Or: "You're more important than I will ever be." So it's not very helpful to use that kind of speech in many life situations, for example, in many jobs; but then on the other hand, in some jobs if you have a big boss, your big boss is probably really happy if you make yourself small and look up to them. So it really depends on... On the job that you do. […]

[@nomatter5651]

Dobby is glad with this lesson , thanks .

[@lauraweiss7875]

This is fascinating. I’m an American-born speaker who works for a very large international company. I try very hard to be sensitive when writing to colleagues in other countries, especially in non-Western offices. I use phrases like: “thank you for you kind email,” which I wouldn’t typically use with American colleagues. I also try to be more humble in my writing. I think it has worked well for me as I have noted non-Western correspondents will also use this humble tone. With Americans, I find it’s more acceptable to be direct and less honorific. Using a more formal tone with Americans is often interpreted as being pompous (or so I have been told, lol).

[@denizgulerman5762]

She is not only teaching English. She is also teaching how to be strong with such a soft heart. I wish i were a friend of her. Love you Dobby, Love you Jade❤

[@janlinhart7914]

Well, the impression I get is that she'd definitely benefit from seeing a shrink... like on a regular basis. She's broken. Now I don't know what happened to her, but this is not how a healthy individual behaves. There's something wrong. Don't you feel it?

[@denizgulerman5762]

@@janlinhart7914 This is why i love her. She is not anormal. She is special, very sensitive, spiritual and smart. i can't read minds of course and i have no idea what she lived. With a sensitivity like this, you don't have to see big things to get hurt. Little things can be disappointing. Sometimes talking with a real friend can be more helping. But it's hard to make friends when you are both sensitive and intelligent. (i hope i could tell what i want to tell with my awful english)

[@kiyoponnn]

@@janlinhart7914 You're projecting. You're the one who needs a shrink🤣

[@kiyoponnn]

@@nicholashernandez2956 Lol calm down, he's just a moron

[@enriquegranados5179]

@@kiyoponnn No, he was right. On a recent video she herself admits she was in a kind of swamp or some like that, I do not know, my English is not good enough.

[@lucasalmeida1768]

Thanks a lot, Jade. I'm from Brazil and planning to study in the UK and not just English, you're teaching culture. Congratulations on the amazing job done here on the channel

[@RobbieDarrwis]

Thanks Jade, this topic lesson is something i need. Your way to teach so great. Love u so much

[@goodlife4774]

A real eye opener and using the Dobby character to explain things is so smart cause relatable. Thank you Jade. I have been watching your Videos and keep on learning so much about using english language and understanding the meaning behind the words depending on situation . I am still learning and thanks to you I am loving it. All the best from switzerland.

[@anabellemontero4206]

this video change my mind about how I am raising my son. It is amazing how powerful words can be. Thank you so much!

[@goroman001]

I've seen 3 videos from you... And find you really amazing!. Your content is retry complete in several senses. I love you!

[@StudioTropical]

Thank you, Jane! It has a psychological aspect. What about being polite? What is being polite without making yourself small?

[@kiyoponnn]

Being assertive without being rude

[@abulgasimdudain9245]

Thank you so much JADE ‘ you’re amazing teacher indeed

[@garqueitor1196]

Great video Jade you are awesome!

[@africanwanderluster]

Many thanks, Jade. You are amazing

[@tangotang02]

thank you , you are always the best teacher.

[@tayza8750]

Hi Jade, Thank you so much for your teaching. You do help me understand cultural aspects of English.

[@aram5642]

I love this lesson, especially the part with rarely-used (at least by me) words like reverence, deferential, conscientious. They are so rare that sometimes it is even difficult to guess proper pronunciation (esp. accent). More of those please!

[@khybermomand4061]

Thanks Jade!

[@bacsandrei]

Thank you so much JADE

[@eds2888]

It's been ages to see Jade. She has a beautiful tone and skill to teach what she's gonna tell!

[@sarakh9261]

Happy that you're back with another brilliant lesson🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@user-si3mb4ex1j]

Hi, Jade! Thank you for making this awesome video. To be honest, I use this kind of language quite a lot in everyday life. I never used Sir/Madam/Miss when I called the teacher, but I always said their middle names instead.

[@Gang606]

I always love this channel.She is a great teacher.I really really like the way she speaks English although I cannot imitate her.

[@kiyoponnn]

You don't have to imitate her accent. You should just try to improve your fluency

[@bandar7891]

I like the way you imitate Dobby, you can make a great cartoon character voice :)

[@siddarthakumarhaldar4452]

Thank you Jade.

[@javieruriel]

Jade thanks for coming again p, we 😍 love you.

[@MayurPatel1980]

Great information... Spot on...

[@gpknkee]

The Real politeness is among those who respect himself or herself and the others. You are so precious, and others are precious as much. Here comes respect, and politeness. right? :)

[@maimagdi4489]

Thank you jade😘😘

[@user-qp2sg6yv3o]

Thanks my best teacher ..you make me love British accent .

[@pliniolimajunior5185]

Great explanation.

[@uabbasi1293]

Jade thanks it is quiet informative lesson

[@rounnokmazumdar8401]

Awesome lesson

[@varunsharma3144]

U always brilliant..like d way u teach

[@AlJaathiyah45_23]

😃😃😃.. Dobby teacher make English so fun to study... MasyaAllah Tabarakallah... thanks

[@basantispeaking334]

Well explained 👏

[@paulorobertopedroso9933]

Inglesinha maravilhosa , wonderfull little english girl, ive learnt to much with you , i love your accent!

[@69righez69]

Interesting lesson. Bravo

[@HSM84]

Long time no see. Quite a nice video. Keep it up, Jade. All the best.

[@anee7163]

You look awesome Jade. 😊❤

[@TRAConsultants]

Thanks for this Jade and perhaps let us not forget that “assertive” does not necessarily mean dominant, dominant means dominant )) Assertive in some definition means confident but still active listening. In English culture, it is considered to be polite to ask these questions and often people who don't ask these questions are considered to be rude. I agree with the left-hand side of your board polite, considerate, conscientious, and “respectful” not deferential . If you go to an English house and don't ask for somebody's permission to use their loo they're going to consider you very impolite )) A very good friend of mine, who is a communication expert, made his first million by the time he was 22 (not everyone's success criteria ..I would add ) puts his success down to being very polite with people. I would perhaps change the “permission to breath” section into polite expressions. Let's not stop people using these polite expressions but understand that subservience with these expressions is just that …….subservience….?

[@maire1675]

I’m submissive period my man treats me like a queen so I’m natural submissive

[@iuriemilicenco7887]

Very nice!

[@aftab3728]

Superb teacher

[@user-mp5ty4hg4q]

lovely video! nice

[@Kikis9311]

such a nice t-shirt!

[@Stephanie-69]

Wow, I actually do that a lot!

[@premanandameher2349]

I never realized that I am too submissive in real life and with my language also. This lesson open my eyes that, we need to be strong and use the strong language. Thank you for this lesson and love you from India.

[@chien4741]

*amazing*

[@puviyarasansakthivel7887]

Dear mam, your way of teaching makes me learn English as well as Personality development. And thank you for it.

[@lindas.8036]

Very interesting video. Thank you. FYI, house elves were not exclusive to evil wizards. Hogwarts School also had house elves, as did many other wizards who were just "regular wizards" and not evil.

[@saifalarabi4491]

Why am why watching this craziness?! Absolutely this woman is a loco hahaha

[@diffchoice11]

Nice one

[@pvtt_phy_3531]

THx I am from Nepal and I like your presentation🥂🎶

[@MrRojas90]

I love your accent 😊

[@yasuakikobayashi116]

Your cacti T-shirt is nice, by the way.

[@saphirbvb6862]

Thanks a lot Jade, you are really amazing 🖤

[@nicholashernandez2956]

saphir BvB she is not!

[@vrojasmontenegro]

Regards from chile thanks

[@sugurkenpferd1204]

thank you for that video, madam! i hope you you dont mind me liking it!

[@farhad1159]

You are so beautiful and make it easy to understand by the way I love your accent

[@nicholashernandez2956]

Farhad she will NVR luv u

[@aoidosgabriel2777]

My solution: logical sense. Just base your language on logic and you'll do great.

[@winterahmed1]

Very good jade, wonderful lesson you are teaching us a new wave of speaking and dealings with life, we really need this type of lessons, Thank you

[@nicholashernandez2956]

Ahmed Khateeb "very gud jade =]" -you

[@profearthurito6993]

THANKS SO MUCH DEAR TEACHER JADE FOR SHARING YOUR ENGLISH KNOWLEDGE. GREETINGS AND BLESSINGS FROM SAN JUAN DE LURIGANCHO, LIMA, PERÚ.

[@fayewaddington-ayres787]

Sir and Miss are still used in schools in England.

[@patrickandries9216]

are you okay jade? is it only me or you look really tired? it's a great video that you make, keep cheery teacher jade

[@vuminhhai64]

You are nice! TA

[@jasemmatar5131]

V nice

[@JoeJoe-hn2nh]

in Indonesia we still use sir/madam

[@SCDfamily]

BEST BRITISH TEACHER IN MY DOBBY- LIKE OPINION. ....🖒

[@bobstone5511]

Very helpful to us Men, is very hard being a submissive man these days because you get stood on and taken advantage on

[@jimmymars1249]

dear Jade:Could you pls explain what the vulglar language is?

[@sourabhkhandelwal3449]

Ma'am i don't have anyone for conversation in English. is there any way for conversation which you can suggest?

[@eidoparkour7111]

Dear one question,why don't we use was instead of were??? Would it be okay with you if i were to... (Would it be okay with you if i was to...??)

[@causilvestrini7000]

Ahhh I know this one! It's because you need to use the subjunctive mood in that case ☺

[@MixRafTec]

LOL this is so interesting from the psychological point of view

[@inspiretheworld7121]

Do you mind if I give a thumbs up to this video?

[@BirBey-ik1wj]

Please please make cocney Accent ,,,Anna Mariah speech ,,connected speeach ,linking words .... Please thanks

[@mariacebrecos303]

Good afternoon. Is the "submissive language" a synonym of "self-deprecating" language? Thank you and stay safe and healthy.

[@Me-ji2pn]

Not quite. Self deprecating is making fun of yourself. Not to do with other people Submissive language is to do with putting yourself as inferior to other people. Subtle difference.

[@alinelopes3607]

Thanks! I haven't thought that a way "too polite" of communication, specially at work, could get you "smaller" or sound not genuine.

[@reptoidcommand1060]

What a fine video delivery, Jade.. so pleasant and so astute..yep !! The 🌵 shirt is cute...but trust me.. ..a hug from a Saguaro tree would be disastrous! Got another poem cooking on the Madam-Sir thing and having fun with it ....just a bit more play with this one.... until then !!!

[@Franciscoluche]

Nice lesson Madam! 🤗🌹

[@timmiller6540]

Ohh yea I’m too polite . but I’ve been this way my whole life , kinda late to be someone I’m not ohh well lol

[@aa5new]

I've upvoted the clip because it will help to develop a real dobby the hauself with a modified Eliza AI engine for chatbot conversation.

[@sonomalik3582]

Plzzz can you tell me what is gerund Plzzzzzzz

[@stenemannen]

❤️

[@SigmaNavigator]

Sooooooo cute 🥰 Expressions 100/ 100

[@nicholashernandez2956]

Are you serious?

[@nikhhiilreddi1371]

"They *lets* Dobby get on with it, Sir" I am confused. Is it "They let*" or "They lets*"

[@icunreichmann5031]

Hi, I'm Isan from Indonesia, I like the way you teach english, most of your videos even give me more knowledge than my english teacher do in School. I'm very grateful that KZbin recommend me a good Videos, I wish you all the best Mrs.Jade.

[@timsummers870]

If I'm asking permission from my boss to take annual leave, I'd use language such as "would it be OK if I take leave from March 1 to 7?" To other people, however, I wouldn't do that.

[@ismailbardach248]

He didn't consider himself to be FREE , He was A FREE ELF.

[@atesgulcugil]

Doby doesn't say he must obey. So, Dobby is free.

[@victorwilliams111]

In America, or at least in the American South, children will call their parents, teachers, and other adults "Sir" for a man and "Ma'am" for a woman. They might say, "Yessir" or "Yesum." "Yesum" or "Yes'm" is a double contraction, short for "Yes ma'am." "Ma'am" is a contraction of "Madam." Americans never say "Madam" unless they are pretending to be British.

[@gyzq]

Imagine you watch Jade's program during lunch time and hear "toilet" repeatedly....

[@stankormy5717]

Hey Jade

[@danielpaz1746]

Can you translate some words in Spanish? I try to follow you, but i can't because I don't know some words.

[@Waa-ani]

Sorry jade, would you mind if I liked your videos and subscribed to your channel, please!

[@arkadiuszkomar7916]

I do that a monts ago so I'm in front of You.

[@gabrieldas.costanetobilinh6117]

So cute

[@starschaser]

Does the "free" means you don't have to pay him?

[@Aleinad7]

starschaser. Free means that you don’t have to pay, but in this case it means that the ELF has the freedom to do whatever he wills but he still chooses to obey Harry.

[@starschaser]

@@Aleinad7 Thanks!

[@Dylan-rg5sr]

0:37

[@georgewilliams1787]

Thank you very much.. I think you are referring to me. Even in my office, I do this with junior officers. I would wish you did a lecture on how to be in control. That how to converse with junior staff without offending them. Thank you

[@adityapatwardhan9294]

I wish I were a friend of jade...❤️ And she of mine😎

[@ckilyas7081]

Dobby was my favorite.. When he had said dobby is no more i lost my mind

[@nicholashernandez2956]

CK ilyas hornbag

[@VandalAudi]

Could you actually weaponize submissive language to make people more subservient? Like what the Ingsoc did to the proles in 1984.