Toxic Language & Violent Communication

Toxic language is a way of communicating that harms other people. The lesson is based on the work of Marshall Rosenberg, who educated people to express their needs in a compassionate way in order to avoid ‘violent communication’. I will teach you common examples of violent communication, such as threatening, blaming, labelling, diagnosing, and guilt tripping. Many of us often do some or all of these to others without realising. By learning to avoid violent communication, we are able to express our personal needs more effectively and our relationships with others can improve.
Next, watch my video about passive aggressive language -- it's also important:
• Passive-Aggressive Lan...
You can take a quiz on this lesson here: www.engvid.com/toxic-language...
TRANSCRIPT
Hi, everyone. In today's lesson we're going to look at the language of toxic people and the things that they say. This is the kind of language we use when... Perhaps we don't realize it, but by saying these things we can start arguments, and we can say these things and people will become angry with us. Another way of explaining toxic language is to say: "Violent communication". I've shortened the word "communication", there. This was an area of study, you could say, by a man called Marshall Rosenberg. So if you're interested in the things I'm talking about in this lesson, you can go search for the area of violent communication, and you can learn more about it, because the whole philosophy, I suppose, is how we can change the language that we use so that we can have more healthy communication with other people, and that way we don't have so many arguments and we have a more peaceful life at home.
So I've got different kinds of violent communication, and I'm going to go through them one by one, explaining as I go. First I'll just read you the list of the different kinds of violent communication. Blaming others, threats, shoulds, labelling, black-and-white thinking, guilt-tripping, diagnosing, emasculation, and uncalled-for advice.
I'll start with blaming. "Blaming" is when in your life you do not take any responsibility for your problems. Everything that happens to you is always somebody else's fault. So, a person who blames other people would say something like: "You make me so angry." To use the verb "make", and to say: "You make me" is not taking responsibility for ourselves being angry. Another way we could say the... Say a similar thing is to say: "I am angry." But instead, we blame it all on that person. It's not the thing that happened, it's because of you. Next we've got: "It's all your fault." Imagine something goes wrong, there's been a personal crisis going on in your family or something, and your dad says to you: "It's all your fault. Absolutely everything that went wrong here is because of you." All the blame goes on to you." Obviously it's not a very nice thing to experience. We know that in life things are rarely all just caused by one person, especially in a family, there's... The way a family operates is: "You did this and I did this", so we can see it's more complicated in most situations than all being one person's fault. So this expression, saying that to someone is usually an exaggeration as well, because if somebody says that, in most cases, it's not true. It's not all their fault, maybe some of it was. Next we've got: "You're driving me crazy." This is something that perhaps a mother would say if she has some young children, maybe she has a 2-year-old, a 3-year-old, and a 5-year-old and they're all making lots of noise when they're playing, she can say: "Shut up! You're driving me crazy!" And, again, she's not taking responsibility for her own stress and her own feelings of craziness; she's blaming it on them. They are doing the action to her. They are driving her crazy.
Let's look at threats now. A "threat" is when you let someone know if they do that something bad will happen, or you will make something bad happen, or there will be a bad consequence if they do that thing. And the reason you give a threat is you want to stop that person doing it. So here's an example: "If you don't get out of bed now, we're going without you." I imagine this situation, a teenage boy who doesn't want to wake up. It's Saturday morning, 11 o'clock, he's happy to sleep in til 1pm, maybe 2pm, and his parents want him to get up so he can go and see the grandparents with them. They might try and threaten him by saying: "If you don't get out of bed now, we're going without you." In the situation I described, maybe he wouldn't care... Maybe the teenage boy wouldn't care that much about that particular threat, it depends. Next example: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you can't have dessert." […]

[@Lyudmilalvi]

This lesson is really useful not only as a English lesson, but also as a psychological workshop, thank you.

[@antoniog.p808]

Totally agreed! this is polite

[@Lyudmilalvi]

Insomniac Gossip thank you

[@Lyudmilalvi]

Insomniac Gossip , maybe you'are right

[@loveyouworld1]

Jade, you sound like more phycologist than a tutor in this video... 😊 (note: this is not toxic language). I proud of Jade that she is very genuine and having a good soul.

[@joshuafusselman3323]

It's kind of hard to imagine what would be left of a typical conversation after removing all of the negative parts, as Jade herein instructs. Such a perfected conversation must be incredible and wonderful!

[@silverfunnel6819]

Toxic language is often honest. It is the result of experiences people made. I like your lessons, Jade.

[@jhbngajlkm]

Your lesson intrigued me to look into Marshall Rosenberg, and I liked the way you teach. I really appreciate it.

[@rahmancelen5563]

This lecture is beyond the English. It's more like psychological training. If I or someone can add subtitle this lecture might be a very good communication guide for many individuals. Thank you.

[@shaym106]

Thank you for your mention of Marshall Rosenburg in your description box. I have found several of his videos on YT here that I have saved. I'm hoping that after I listen to everything, he can teach me a new way to say things better

[@twinflameeleven]

Wow...you actually have no idea how helpful this video is to me on a psychological level on my own journey of healing. Sounds so cheesy, but seriously! I'm going to be looking into Marshall Rosenberg work!! This came at the right time, and so much needed!

[@laurynchiewataoka5103]

I checked your other videos and loved them so much! You are so intelligent that you bring those lessons to a level of combination of language and human behaviour study. I really like the way you teach English to us! Keep up with your great work please!

[@plumalimon7674]

Jade, I have enjoyed so much this video. I see you are a smart woman with strong ideas. The way you speak about our behaviours by humanity, remind me how I want to treat the others and vice versa. The last thing you was talking about is one of the things that feminism wants to eliminate, and I hope to see the day when it happens before I die. Thanks for be yourself

[@raymondcai7286]

thanks for sharing. this is one of the best videos I have watched on these kind of topics. What you cover here is much more than languages. It touches on communication with people, psychology, & manners and etc. Thank you again

[@christyanbezerra2487]

Thanks for the video Jade, it's very informative. I like so much the way you're open minded and show that to people. All the best!!

[@ron7006]

- incredibly impressed with this lesson - Thanks Jade!

[@dananeyome778]

Good video, I realize I'm toxic in communication towards my family at times of stress. Thank you for helping me see this version of myself, taking full responsibility and control of my emotional responses from now on.

[@valton198]

A nice guide about how to be more polite and try not to use toxic language. After watching this, I`ve improved both my English and communication skills) Thanks!

[@gabrielmendez4349]

I needed this (both for grammatical and ethical purposes), so thanks!

[@rollings2035]

I might wanna talk about it with my family. You made me it words that I was thinking about!

[@JkVersus]

Nice to see you, Jade!

[@aungnaingshwe1014]

Really really nice video you've made. Yeah, I'm thinking that sometime I myself saying sort of those things. Thank you reminding me.

[@Thakurrajbisht]

Hi! You really talk in a perfect accent. I love your voice. We improve our listening power as well as speaking too, you are really doing a great job. God bless you with more wonderful happiness!!

[@womanlovercapitalismhater]

This is such a great video thanks Jade

[@asp1re530]

I never met a person from the UK that used toxic language... you guys are super polite!

[@olegslapins8156]

You should have gone to a pub in Stoke on Trend on a Saturday evening.

[@mahaalzubeidy2263]

Thank you , the video is so great and helpful.

[@pch2230]

There are also fashions with this, especially on social media. At the moment (2023) saying someone is a narcissist is very common, for example, even though in reality narcissism is a very specific psychological condition.

[@behrouzshokrani]

you are amazing. your way of teaching is very great. thank you for your valuable knowledge that you share with us.

[@pedroalvim8152]

Trully, a great English and life lesson!! Congratulations!

[@nikko444]

Hey! Pleasure seeing you again! Your lessons helped me much in getting my 8s & 7s IELTS scores, and 10+ CELPIP scores a bit later, and voila - here I am in Canada. I’m wishing you all the best, Jade!

[@nealmiller5480]

Love your videos;you’ve shown me so much stuff, thanks

[@khalidnaami3026]

Thank you for this great work , I will be waiting for the next video.

[@user-rr8fy5dl6i]

Thank you for your lessons! They really interesting and informative.

[@stankormy5717]

Hi Jade, this is a good lesson!

[@owyss-nh8vw]

Thank you very much. Indeed a Great Explanations

[@deutschrapoderwas]

I want to add a point regarding non-violent communication: in her examples she shows in other words what kind of requests the "violent speaking" person could make instead. NVC is about meeting everybody's needs and searching for them in the violent language of others. Jade often misses to explain this point in the instances. An example for the 4-Part-Process to be clear about somebody's own feelings and needs: Instead of saying "You make me so angry" you say: "When you do this ... e.g. make loud noises (OBSERVATION), I feel very angry (FEELING) because I need ... e.g. rest, safety etc. (NEED). Would you be willing to ... e.g. play in another room and be loud there, put on your headphones etc. (REQUEST)" Now it is your turn, what do you mean by telling Jade that she is intelligent? :D Did she say some things that may enrich your life? ;-) I hope this will help others to build a connection to their needs and feelings.

[@mrpz2470]

19:27 I loved that part😂 I love you Jade

[@Yagiru_Nora]

Thank you, Jade. It is really helpful. I was using 'should' a lot for making recommendation but I think you are right. It will be better if I don't use a lot.

[@Izakiting2]

Thanks for teaching me the topic of violent communication.

[@sss-zi2vc]

Your lessons are very interesting! I always watch them with pleasure!

[@HarryTchong]

Great content as always. Please keep it up!

[@derafshkavian1016]

I really enjoy your videos and the way you explain things!

[@bunyamindipci471]

I wish I had a British accent. I would never shut up :/

[@user-zy4xk2zl5l]

Lol! Try to imitate the best you can. ;) I love the British accent as well.

[@shannakellett5313]

Lmfao

[@JadeLeahPilling01]

remember too there are several different accents even down the road from someone. its very interesting if you want to research it more :)

[@AntonioLima-if9xt]

You make my days happyer

[@sixzerozero3187]

this is Quite interesting. In a legal sphere, it is very, very pertinent. Most judges in a court of law are unaware of these grains of divergence.

[@Ommbye]

Lovely lesson. Thanks.

[@zoranminderovic7950]

A brilliant analysis of bad behaviour! Thanks!

[@anee7163]

Jade, I mostly love the way you dressed up! 😊 That was such a wow lesson. I learnt so many effective vocabulary either. Vocab. Itself gives you tons of knowledge , in which I believe. And also,I felt good to see you much active ,prettier and energetic than before ☺. Love you 😙😊☺❤

[@user-xc8pv4ip2f]

idiot

[@claudioferreiraribeiro2421]

Jade's best lesson ever!

[@georgeferguson9587]

Video is great, Jade!

[@user-xc8pv4ip2f]

cheers for tutorial. Extremely useful. Cheers Jade

[@shannontang8610]

Thank you for ur lesson. I learned a lot from you 😀❤️❤️ the pearls story is must from uneducated person.

[@ahmedalyhussein1392]

Your manner explaining perfectly (excellent teacher )

[@Mau365PP]

Great, toxic words. I'll expand my vocabulary for my online gaming chat afternoons...

[@imadina31]

Thank you ! Very nice lesson ! 💛

[@user-ns1cd2qm8k]

Thank you for your lesson.

[@stayalivestudent1708]

Thank you so much... I really enjoy learning Toxic language lol... I mean I have learned a lot. :-D

[@anatolybondarenko6786]

Meaningful lesson, thanks 😃

[@carolinasotillo1539]

Very, very interesting! Thanks

[@Bawakawa]

Congratulations. Your videos are always original.

[@VoteforAndrewYang]

Love this. I want to learn the art of trolling

[@paulorobertopedroso9933]

Jade you*re fantastic teacher i have learnt a lotwith you , thanks!

[@claudian196]

Very useful video. Thanks a lot

[@mnhr2000]

Nice lesson,thx Jade :D

[@revnewsagency]

best lesson.

[@alexandroalmeida822]

Amazing!

[@kino7539]

My abusive mother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder said every single one of these.

[@jokevandeelen1157]

You are the best!

[@thameryalda2910]

Thank you 🙇 , teacher,

[@mouhcine8459]

It's superb Thanks

[@ibrahimissaissa6627]

I enjoy listening to you

[@Franciscoluche]

Hi dear & lovely Jade. 😊 Thanks a lot !!! 🤗🌸 (PS: "Fine Young Cannibals - She drives me crazy" 1989 😉)

[@someonephysicist4099]

Thank you

[@ALIAli-hi4yo]

Thanks 🙏

[@curtisblake261]

The endearing goofiness reminds me of Dolores O'Riordan (Cranberries). Love it.

[@reconnect3342]

Thanks

[@stefy661]

Instant fan here

[@bijoycb9500]

Great .

[@azizdarwish1415]

You're driving me nuts 🤪

[@hildargaliev372]

Beautiful blouse. Pretty teacher. Useful lesson. Huge gratitude

[@user-ro4ux2pi9w]

I love your accent \\ just like gold\\ as 4 me -- as 4 me

[@johnmorgan4921]

Aye! Cheers from California! Criminals and politicians are one in the same. Here in Cali we are currently enduring corruption on a grand scale. (see current conditions in SF and the Salton Sea) Excellent work :)

[@call-me-cough810]

You are cool!

[@aadil7302]

I'm first ,, Peace be upon you

[@muhammadilhamnasution5448]

How if we can't control our emotion

[@nareshmehla]

You are my good teacher

[@Jane-ek2ex]

I've experienced this kind of treatment in home

[@Jane-ek2ex]

"In home" or "at home" in this case Jade? Thanks..

[@kingtoangel6812]

Jane Maciel At home

[@Jane-ek2ex]

King To Angel thanks

[@911txturtle]

awesome

[@calijimma748]

Pleased comers neared the lesson...thanks you 🙏🙏🙏

[@alexandert696]

I always said: If you want to learn a language. start with the foul words.

[@ruslana1691]

"wear necklace" - romany tips=)

[@stratman9449]

there's nobody more of an expert at arguing than a brit....."don't tell me what to do...EVER..."..or "what's that supposed to mean??"...i know from "experience....:-) just when you say "have a nice day"......

[@magedo7023]

why do you take a long time to post a new vid?we miss you

[@alexnascimento3078]

Are you both from Isreal?

[@aryamansharma1108]

Alex Nascimento no I'm sorry.. I wrote that by mistake.

[@magedo7023]

yes from israel

[@Tu-To_couple]

BE WISE ON ACTION ALSO THE WORDS ,BECAUSE BOTH CAN HURTS.

[@hassanechetouane1092]

Oh, Jade, I agree with the woman who wants to throw the dinner in the bin; how is her husband late?. A man must keep his word with a woman especially when the last one is his wife. Yes, there's no point in eating when he is late.

[@hiidude5811]

hi I am your new student(subscriber :)...are you British or from another country teaching English?

[@fabiolahernandez1114]

It is toxic because it is confusing, in order to do the things that the 'people' claim, it implies a punishment to you. You WON'T be happy, event if you try harder. (dissapointment with yourself!)

[@Void-in2pz]

thx you

[@Void-in2pz]

I've watched Marshall's videos, and came back here, to thank you again. This knowledge was very helpful for me, and I still can't hit an end of this joy.

[@pineyLt]

People just need to grow a thinker skin and become more self confident. If you believe in yourself others words if objectionable are just words.

[@eriksic1334]

Being toxic suits you !

[@nabilalsofi4943]

Hi my teacher

[@dazkay2368]

Dislikes are from Toxic People

[@tanzeelurrahman6404]

Great explanation teacher thanks allot