Asking For Help When I Was an SSPX Priest - Part 1 | I Am Judas Project #42

[@meroaraya8796]

Being a former seminarian and a SSPX follower I can only assure you of my prayers for you. Our Lord Jesus Christ is always the answer ... forget Fallay and the other priest had to do with ... they are just men trying to do their best ... you opened your heart and I see an honest man in you. Our Blessed Mother will give you peace and guide you to your salvation. Amen.⛪

[@Classical0note]

Thank you for sharing these extremely personal emails, it shows how much you have heald and grown stronger. I can attest to the brotherly or familial feelings you get from the community, and how it later only hurts you even further. There are many similarities to my experience (obviously my situation was minor in comparison), but it clearly indicates that there is a set way of dealing with things in the SSPX 🙄

[@iamjudasproject]

It seems like it, unfortunately. Thanks for you kind words!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@savannahingham7194]

Ok..."don't let the Devil make you think that my silence is due to my alzheimers' " is just...its own special kind of beautiful. 😂💀

[@iamjudasproject]

😂🤣

[@greenlightnatural]

Sometimes I look back at when I left the monastery (2017 as well) and I wonder if I made the right choice. Then stories like this that reflect my experience with BS authority, politics, and the like makes me know I made a good choice. Nothing like taking a person dealing with mental health issues and making them just keep shoving it back down to make a person feel in good hands

[@iamjudasproject]

Thank you for sharing that… we are not alone.

[@quasi8180]

Yup mental health issues really suck. I feel i made a pretty good choice leaving christianity behind specifically SDA.

[@mxx286]

Your sharing is enlightening. I'm sorry that you went through that crisis. It sounded very lonely to me. The fact that you completed seminary to become a priest shows how big-hearted you were in using your life for the service of God and His people. You're a good person... more honest and sincere than many of us. I am still practicing the faith and will keep you in my prayers from now on. May you be well-loved and your welfare be taken care of. If you ever rediscover your faith and return to being a good priest (I'm not suggesting, but hypothetically speaking), I'd be comfortable approaching you. A wounded healer is an effective one. Finally this keeps me sane in hard times and sharing with you: "We hold this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing power may be of God and not from us. We are afflicted in every way, but not constrained; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body... ... Therefore we are not discouraged; rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to what is seen but to what is unseen; for what is seen is transitory, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:2 onwards) May you be blessed and protected.

[@SkySpiral8]

It's painful to hear how you were strung along while in such dire need. It sounds like an awfully lonely and desperate situation.

[@resilientempath5052]

Wow! Just... Wow! And I thought the hoops they put me through trying to get an annulment was bad... SMDH! My heart is broken for you! Having the relief of laying out all that was in your mind in the hopes of it finally being over to just having it ripped away by apathetic politicians must have been soul crushing... 😔 When I was in high school in the SSPX, I told them I wanted to be a psychologist and they reacted with so much discussed and said I would making a living brainwashing people... Ha! Guess they would know, being they are masters at it... Breaks my heart for all the good people trapped in that society... Glad you were able to get out... Keep sharing and healing as you go!!! You are helping more people than you will ever know as you are getting your story out and processing/healing yourself!!!

[@iamjudasproject]

Thank you for that… really.

[@resilientempath5052]

@@iamjudasproject Of course! I just can't even imagine... You are so much stronger than you realize!!

[@the_tax_consultant]

I can see the bottom of the 'y' in the good bishop's censored name. ;) On second note, what are your thoughts on Traditionis Custodes if you've been following the drama there?

[@iamjudasproject]

Wow. A modern day Sherlock Holmes. Good job. You also could have done a few seconds of Google investigating to find out the full name - that doesn’t change the fact of my intention for not including their names. But, Mr. Man, I’m sure you understand that. ;)

[@the_tax_consultant]

@@iamjudasproject So does bishop so-and-so's last name rhyme with a certain dish that's made of fish? ;)

[@gigachad2221-g4n]

I went through something like this a few years ago, only I wasnt training for the clergy or anything like that. I was living in what was supposed to be a religious community for likeminded people, and I experienced such tremendous isolation. It felt like no one could make time for me when i was at my worst. Sometimes i ask myself, if the people you think as your friends arent there for you at your lowest and most vulnerable, where would they be for you orherwise? And is such a person a friend?

[@lucas1216br]

I wish i could know how did you ended up beeing a sspx priest.

[@ewa2524]

What is the purpose of this video?

[@kimmince1955]

I find your information very interesting and yet troublesome my heart goes out to you. Yes im catholic and have personal had doubt talk from a priest with controversy subject.

[@petemcc152]

I have just discovered your channel. Subscribed. I have experience of being part of a religious cult, not a catholic one, but there are so many similarities.

[@iamjudasproject]

Welcome!!! ❤️

[@arleneparaiso]

I definitely think that you could have shared more of a sense of urgency up front like --- red alert, I am losing my faith and severely tempted to sin, I need help right away. Something that could have helped...Were you actively praying for your superior? We are trained as Catholics to keep praying even if we feel dry , replused by it or dont want to pray. What do they say, "Either the sin will stop, or the prayer will stop"--- you decide. Regarding the family analogy, I think most of us can relate to being very 'let down' by family in times past --- but in applying the tenets of our Faith we work through it. Your cross was heavy but you don't talk of all the tools you used to battle, except these emails. You were looking for help from a psychologist, but in my first retreat with the FSSPX, I was told that if I truly practiced my Faith, I would have no need for a psychologist--- I took those words to heart-- and for the past 20 plus years, I always turned to the practice of my Faith and not the crutches that the world suggests as remedy--- prayers, scriptures, reading the Saints, fasting, the holy rosary, talking to God and waiting ---sometimes suffering, but always offering it up to Him for love of Him--- working on my patience--- praying for the strengthening of the Gifts of the Holy Ghost-- meditations etc... Yes, family and even church leaders can fail you, but God will never fail you and He left all the tools and weapons with His Church for each of us to use, in spite of the faults, failures and flaws of those around us. I think the words you use are important, when you said you kept trying to 'act like a priest' --- I think that was a key problem... you were acting. If you were just being a priest, you'd have done much better. Not all priests are cut out of a cookie mold... look at the Saints! Was St. Joseph of Cupertino anything like Saint John of the Cross? Was St. Therese of the Child Jesus anything like St. Joan D;Arc? Is Dominic Savio like St. Philomena? They were so unique and the only thing they shared was their faithfulness to God. You don't have to act like anyone you are not--- but you do need to be faithful to your vows. I will pray for your Father Palmquist. Once a priest, you are a priest forever--- it is an indelible mark, as I understand it, on your soul. You know you will answer for much when you go into eternity. I hope you make the effort to return to God before it is too late for you. Maybe you will never be a practicing priest again, but hopefully you can life a holy life--- somewhat like that of a divorcee who has come back to the Faith. You will live pure and holy even if not in your vocation--- you will offer your sufferings up as a penance before God. Only you will answer for your life. Getting right with God is the ONLY truly worthwhile goal in life. I know you must know that Truth inside, if you are sincere. Our Lady, Help of Christians, Pray for Fr. Palmquist.

[@quasi8180]

Identity crisis ooh yeah feel you on that one.

[@timothywilliams1359]

How did someone so self-absrbed ever get into a seminary in the first place? Good grief! The selection process must be very lacking.

[@iamjudasproject]

Yeah I know. Someone who attempts to give their whole life to God and give up normal human pleasures must be super self-absorbed. Great take… 🙄. We should banish him from all society and put people like you in charge.

[@timothywilliams1359]

@@iamjudasproject A silly comment by a silly person. Married people have to get over themselves too, you know. (Or they don't, and they get divorced.) The remarkable irony of your "Judas Project..." That says it all.

[@vivacristorey4363]

The SSPX does not have the same standards of filtering out people unfit for the priesthood. They care more about externals and how things look than the internal - at least in practice. I don't say that to insult this man or anyone else in the SSPX, but it is a cult pretending to be part of the Catholic Church.

[@mj-rg9kp]

I’m confused. Why did you enter the priesthood to begin with? It couldn’t be a whim bc you had to study and “live the life” for 7 yrs to become one right? You could’ve realized at any point that it wasn’t your calling. If you’re same sex attracted, why go into an institution that prohibits it and how are you the victim? I honestly don’t get it.

[@liia9736]

I mean, there are plenty of gay priests just take a look around youtube lol that doesn't matter, though as they are held to the same standard as a straight person; to be celibate. I am left wondering the same thing, though , how did this guy become a priest in the first place, gayness aside. There are other orders/branches (the term is escaping me... Catholics have so many terms) than the sspx who are kind of notorious even within the Catholic community.

[@lonelyberg1316]

What does SSPX mean ? Are these traditional priests ?

[@iamjudasproject]

Society of St Pius X. It’s a traditional order, yes.

[@lonelyberg1316]

@@iamjudasproject oh ok thanks

[@lonelyberg1316]

​@@iamjudasproject Are you atheist or something like that now ?

[@iamjudasproject]

I’m… open to possibilities. I don’t really know, to be honest. 🥴

[@lonelyberg1316]

@@iamjudasproject okay, and don't forget : with great choice, comes great responsibility

[@wulframnus149]

Tattooed, satanic and worse I suspect.. May God help you. I will prayer for you.

[@irishpm01]

I have hashimoto's (since 35) and it really does mess with your mind

[@mariasarabiagranados3282]

What a bad story, First able because why you enter the seminary knowing that you already suffer from gender disforia, don’t tell me your problems started after you become a priest, because I wouldn’t believe that. Instead of going to the seminary you should go to the psychiatrist. The Prist can help you but they Are not psychiatrists. Selling yourself as a victim just give the SSPX bad reputación. I have been faithful since 1975 and I Have met holy priests, not because some guys enter the seminary pretending they have a good life and them blame the Society for they problema, that doesn’t mean all the priests are like you. I pray for all the people like you. May God forgive you.

[@iamjudasproject]

Gender dysphoria is something completely different for homosexuality, btw. And I wasn’t going to the priests as psychiatrists, that’s why I was asking to see a professional. And also, I spoke (anonymously) about 3 superiors in this video, not all the priests. If you want to attack me, that’s fine, but make sure that it is about real actions that I have admitted to. Thanks for watching. 😉

[@francanarsie]

I pray for people like you who obviously have never been where we have been congratulations upon your fidelity which you proclaim since 1975, I pray for your humility

[@JD-mr3uf]

For real, he shouldn’t have entered the priesthood in the first place. People who have same-sex attraction and gender dysphoria shouldn’t go to religious life as it’s immediate grounds for dismissal and can lead to sad traumas like what Palmquist had. Though Palmquist did say he went through religious pressure when he was involved in the SSPX and if that’s true then that’s messed up. Though in my experience I never experienced anything like religious pressure to become a priest but I started getting involved in the SSPX community since 2020 and it seems times have changed imo.

[@joannarodrigo6325]

It’s not to serve the Lord that he wanted to be a priest. It’s something else and because sadly, (but fortunately) he did not succeed so now he is acting like a cry baby

[@maddyc2412]

"I wouldn't believe that" so you have already made your mind up, why bother asking him then. And I wonder how you feel about all the sexual abuse that takes place within SSPX? Shame on you

[@irishpm01]

I am currently 65

[@lll.l-k6q]

Ah, Fatima. The fifth gospel..

[@JD-mr3uf]

At the end of the day, you were never meant to be a priest in the first place due to your SSA. Not trying to be mean, but honestly I don’t see you leaving the priesthood as a “betrayal” rather something that I do think was the best decision for you. Though I wonder if you were already warned not to enter but chose to do it anyways? Did you really think it was the best way to serve God and the Church? Cause there are other ways to do that besides priesthood. But then again I remember you mentioned that you had a lot of pressure to enter to pressure by people around, and if that’s true then that’s pretty messed up. Well anyways, at least you did the right thing in the end.

[@joannarodrigo6325]

Exacly

[@bridgetmcginley1952]

When you had friends who would help you and DID help you (like giving you the recommendation for the Psychiatrist in CA and offering to pay for it! ) and you abandon them for some idea of false imprisonment you can only blame yourself for your problems. You made choices Fran! You lied to your entire family and friends and misled everyone! For 7 years you lied. Stop blaming everyone else. I even gave you my credit card number!!! You chose not to go talk to a very good psychiatrist who would have walked you through this journey...you chose not to accept help!

[@iamjudasproject]

I did make choices, as I mentioned in the video. Part 1 of 2, actually. And what do you mean, lying for 7 years? Please, elaborate on that. I know that you are hurt, and well as my family, but I did what I thought was best. I thought that you at least, after reading the email that mentioned not pursuing the psychiatrist, would have understood that it wasn’t about YOU!!

[@bridgetmcginley1952]

@@iamjudasproject I could have cared less that you identified as gay and you know that. It was how you did what you did and the superiority complex you had when you were going to "save the world" in both instances. You left your mom to me!!!! "She will really need you now". Your social media crusade is just as bad as your previous spiritual one. What next Fran? What drama will you dish out next? You did not have to abandon our friendship or your family. Choices... you made choices and I hope your happy where you are. I am at peace with it all. I don't need friends who suck the life out of me. I have God and peace... seriously, I hope you find Them both too.

[@iamjudasproject]

Anyone who wants to judge me as malicious or whatever, that’s fine. I’m the one who has to live with my decisions, and I wouldn’t have changed what I did in the end. Thanks for listening to my side and seeing it from my perspective.

[@joannarodrigo6325]

He did not get the attention he wanted from the SSPX. So now he is having a “cry baby”episode for the world to see. It’s like hello entire world, how about me? 😂😂😂😂

[@francanarsie]

@@joannarodrigo6325 if you haven’t been through the seminary or in somewhere else’s shoes ….well enough said. Pray for us who are nor as humble or holy as you are

[@scholastikarai1883]

Sorry, narcissistic people always has it. then..come his own law, his own authority...liberte man, and preach it. boring story happen everywhere across human history. Liberte man..boring

[@Jingnan-j1h]

i love your content. But as constructive criticism: I find it hard to navigate your content. It is not super well organised. don't be mad.

[@iamjudasproject]

Can you think of a better way of doing it? It becomes too much when you make more than 30 videos. I try and separate them into sections on my KZbin page, but I don’t know what more I can do. 😅

[@kttyz313]

@@iamjudasproject maybe try separating it into playlists based on topic? Ex: a playlist for your experience as a priest, a playlist about your experience being a gay Catholic, a playlist to talk about movies or books, etc… Some videos might fit into multiple topics

[@greyhoundmama2062]

This poor chap. I hope he experiences some personal development towards being able to take personal responsibility for his life. He thinks he is, but his mind is still in a distinction loop. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy might be beneficial.

[@irishpm01]

And still on meds

[@hamba458]

I fear the new Motu Proprio will lead more people to the SSPX

[@francanarsie]

It is already

[@redneckpride4ever]

I started going before the moru proprio.