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hello my angels :D ♡
i come to you again with an ear cleaning video! sigh such a classic. i'm realizing im a classic sort of gal. i love my og triggers :)
so last week, my computer blew up and was raging at 98F+ making clicking sounds and sounding like it was going to blow up. so i spent the next 40 hours contacting friends and researching everything there is to know about PC parts and replacing them or building a new PC. and I KID YOU NOT, i wake up the next morning and my pc is SILENT AND PERFECT AGAIN!??! WHEN I DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO FIX IT. Now my brain is brimming with knowledge on how to build a pc... i legit studied myself in to a migraine over it. but oh well I've always wanted an all white aesthetic set up, maybe that's something to work towards :D I'm just happy i don't have to spend $$$$ randomly on building a new pc / replacing parts atm though. hmm what else.. things have been going pretty poorly with my lawsuit and move and all and i've been pretty stressed and anxious about it all... i also want to start streaming again... and i want to continue to make and improve my content and lifestyle and also start exercising more and keep up with my relationships and needs and happiness and goals and family and need to figure out if i want to birth out babies or if i just want to be a cat lady and IT'S ALL SO MUCH T_T WHY IS LIVING AND ADULTING SO HARD WAHHHHHHHHHHHHASFKJA;SFJASDF im gonna scream. not to mention dealing with people's unwanted criticisms and expectations and projections and entitlement and crazy people in this world on the hecking daily.
takes a deep breath
if you need me, i'll be in my fk it all era
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ok no but seriously, life is a lot. and i often feel overwhelmed. the asmr community helps me feel really safe because we're all out here doing our best T_T and it's really no use being hard on ourselves. ive finally learned, the importance of being kind to ourselves and to give us time to relax and accept the chaos that is life. because the chaos isn't going anywhere, but that doesn't mean we can't find peace within the chaos
to me, that means protecting my natural energy. we all have a little flame within us and it's our duty to protect and nurture it, like a tamagotchi:D prioritizing our lil flame will prevent it from getting stomped out by the world. i’ll never forget how dark and painful the world was without mine. and it's never too late to nurture or rekindle your flame.
so another thing i did this week, i jumped out of a plane 14,000ft high. sky diving was an unreal experience. i felt faint anxiety prior and dissociated while signing a dozen contracts agreeing that i recognize something might go wrong etc.. as we were about to fly, the clouds overhead thickened and the jump was nearly called off. but we decided to wait 3 hours for the sky to clear. 3 anxiety inducing stressful hours. but the sky cleared and we suited up and went on the plane. the plane was TINY, just big enough to fit 2 vertical benches, no seatbelts. we flew at a steep incline for about 20 minutes. i just remember feeling like i wanted to pass out from anxiety. but i looked around me, and all the sky diver pros were in a great mood, feeling confident, fist bumping each other, and that confidence and camaraderie calmed me down. until i saw my friend aline plop out of the airplane. that image will forever be burned in to my memory LMAO. i remember thinking to myself... oh god. this is it. my instructor walked us to the door and before i could freak out, we stepped out in to the open earth below us.
the initial feeling was nothing i ever expected. my entire existence was blown in to awe. i was terrified, excited, anxious, fearing for my life, freaking out, but then... there's a sort of acceptance that happens. it was too late to turn back, and there was no way out but through. the emotions blasted out of my body and all i felt instead was awe as i free fell (ok i was still scared af). there was no "falling" sensation like you get on a roller coaster tho. sky diving feels mostly mental actually. except for when the parachute got pulled, my head felt a LOT of pressure. this is easily solved by swallowing and plugging your nose and blowing.
as soon as i landed, i wanted to jump again. i swear i had a bit of a transcendental experience in that free fall. it made me more confident in myself as a person, less affected by strong emotions, and more accepting of life. sky diving was one thing i never though i'd ever do in my life. and now it feels like a bunch of neurological pathways have been blown open. it made me, dare i say... a bit more excited for life again.
i'll see you next week ♡
xo kimi :D
everything is going to be daiiijuouuubuuuuu
♡ f o l l o w m e ♡
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