ASMReading Basic Skills Caucasian Americans Workbook

[@hoang-my-anhdo6018]

This book was written specifically to parody "educational" books about Native Americans for primary-school students, which often oversimplify Native American history and customs, and speak about Native Americans entirely in the past tense.

[@Krokodil-vj7xq]

Books like this actually existed?

[@hoang-my-anhdo6018]

@@Krokodil-vj7xq Yes, lots of primary school textbooks (and even some secondary school textbooks) and children's nonfiction reading about Native Americans greatly simplify complex belief systems and describe them as "superstitions", and a great, obsessive focus on aspects of mundane daily life and everyday tools. There are also culturally inappropriate (or just "iffy") supplementary activities, like "imagine a day in the life of a leader!" and making replicas of religious artefacts. Some books also have the tendencies to have patronising pronunciation guides for words whose pronunciations are fairly easy/obvious (including "tribe" and "clan"!).

[@msw1shes]

Misinformation also in movies. If you watch the old Aladdin movie on Disney + there's a disclaimer before it starts. Stating it is not pc

[@williamwallace4080]

@@hoang-my-anhdo6018 Belief systems are superstitions by nature.

[@MountainMan-sc8xj]

@@hoang-my-anhdo6018 uh based?

[@vam5053]

"hip hop was mostly about *female canines* and certain gardening tools"

[@killmepls7865]

Thats actually pretty clever

[@TheIronMenus]

gotta love some bitches and hoes.

[@river689]

I laughed at this

[@roseopheliashepherd8379]

"She-dogs and Shears" was always my favourite hip-hop album 😅

[@zuckbuck5022]

took me a while

[@TheCookinHam]

This is not shitposting. This is satire. And this is the highest level of satire I have ever seen. Well done! Now, excuse me why i continue to die of laughter.

[@CommanderNixon]

*_One of the last living Caucasian males recites the story of his people_** ; circa 2017 colorized*

[@nitroraptor5316]

FunWithSmiley LoL

[@wakeupqcmonteregie8339]

FunWithSmiley LoL

[@Taylor_Wolfe115]

LoL

[@Potato-pq5ez]

sad but true, we've become extremely colorized

[@Harry-ei3zw]

@@Potato-pq5ez who the fuck cares

[@MaebyBaeby]

Being descended from Caucasian Americans myself, it’s good to to see the history and heritage of my ancestors *finally* get the spotlight it deserves!

[@MegaToonzNetwork]

NO YOU ARE SAIYAN!!!!!!!

[@HIOAviation]

Agreed

[@karimecolettadominguez]

😂😂😂

[@mattball420]

Hes got one of those optical illusion sweaters, like that gold/blue dress, it appears to be shades of brown but its actually the whitest sweater you can wear

[@bosniakslayer6614]

Ngl that was clever lmao

[@reddeadtoodloo3402]

Hello, I am a Caucasian American Male as well. I greatly enjoyed this book, and shall read it while grilling in socks and sandals.

[@xxxxxx-ou5mb]

Hi😂

[@zipporaid7]

Little does everyone know that this fits in perfectly with the style of ER. My theory is this: This book is a sample of a textbook created by a future civilization thousands if not millions of years after humans have gone extinct, and they only have taped recordings of contemporary news broadcasts at the time

[@therealsonicfan123]

Table of Contents for Mobile Users: 00:06:00 Introduction for Teachers 00:08:35 Chapter 1: The Very First Caucasian Americans 00:11:00 Chapter 2: Caucasian American Homes 00:18:33 Chapter 3: Caucasian American Clothing and Fashion 00:27:19 Chapter 4: Caucasian American Languages 00:32:35 Chapter 5: Caucasian American Food Production 00:37:57 Chapter 6: Caucasian American Family Life 00:41:54 Chapter 7: Caucasian American Education 00:50:07 Chapter 8: Caucasian American Technology 00:59:43 Chapter 9: Caucasian American Religion, Ceremonies, and Superstitions 01:20:35 Chapter 10: Caucasian American Government 01:28:36 Chapter 11: Caucasian American Leaders 01:32:44 Chapter 12: Caucasian Americans Today

[@BeeseChurger11]

I love how the book talks about the U.S as if it were an ancient civilization

[@foxfrightdario5175]

Wait.... The US still exists?

[@Eule153]

@@foxfrightdario5175 impossible, the New-WorldSoviets made sure they ended the US

[@foxfrightdario5175]

@@Eule153 yea... that's what I thought too...

[@HIOAviation]

Will be soon enough

[@NeoMetaI]

What about Dio land

[@IAmNOWCreations]

This book is interesting. It takes the language often used in anthropological analysis of non-western cultural practices and applies it to white Americans. The fact that many are wondering if it's a joke should help you realize the dominant frame in science and history is a Western one as you find it so odd to see the same analysis applied to white people.

[@martin9555]

It's astounding how so many people in the comments don't seem to get that it's a satire aimed to criticize the self centered and vane perception that a lot of "Caucasian Americans" have of history and their culture. They're unconsciously confirming the point of the book, lol.

[@IAmNOWCreations]

Martín Rubio it's amusing yet disheartening to still see some commenters take this satire written in an objective-study type of language and immediately feel as if the customs described are being shown in a negative light. These people feed on fixed supremacy and forced reverence by others when describing them.

[@jmartens759]

I guess, but it doesn't really work because when they write about things like that in history books it's always in the context of a specific culture, not the race as a whole. Caucasian americans don't really have a culture like other racial groups do, so it just come across as a book ment to mock white people for what we do and shame us for the shitty things our ancestors did.

[@IAmNOWCreations]

blacksmith224 What does "don't really have a culture like other racial groups do" mean? They don't do things according to cultural norms and beliefs? They definitely do. They just have a hard time at objectively self analyzing. Especially since a lot of their cultural customs past to present don't result in pure positivity.

[@CharlieGirlDoll]

I'm so glad there's people in the comment sections who actually get the idea of what's going on!

[@ayj1085]

I give this video a "Vast quantities of sacred green paper" out of 10

[@AnglosBeef]

Absolutely stellar pfp

[@IvanIvanov-qx5oz]

That doesn't even make sense

[@johnsmoth1757]

Andrew Gallagher lsd?

[@jamesingle376]

Projareds alt account right here

[@gavinthroop2839]

Are people actually confused as to whether rift is being serious or not? It’s obviously a satirical book and video🙄🙄

[@maxwell_edison]

I thought people were exaggerating when I saw the top comments telling me not to scroll down due to the toxicity. I was wrong.

[@parzival9841]

Well, what you're forgetting, is that jokes hurt the blm people's feelings, so they aren't allowed

[@toast6902]

Why the emojis.

[@toast6902]

Parzival, they are allowed, people will still get butt-hurt over it.

[@Anonymouseyoutuber]

Maxwell Edison 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 XD👌

[@emmaoof3335]

i am Caucasian myself (1/16th on my moms side) and it's amazing to see such accurate representations of my culture!

[@CorruptPianist]

This book makes a good point. Too many people - of all races - think of Caucasian as a sort of default, and everyone else as a variant. It's jarring to see the Caucasian Americans being spoken about like an exotic foreign culture... But you're forced to ask yourself, WHY is that so jarring? Is Caucasian america not just another culture?

[@nonegone7170]

When it's your own culture ofcourse it sounds weird when someone speaks about like an exotic culture, your point is not valid

[@AsSereneMonstersRest]

you are not valid Stan... also you missed the point

[@CorruptPianist]

Stan That's exactly what I'm saying.

[@LordVader1094]

+Stan That's literally what OP was saying, so his point IS valid, ya schmuck.

[@franciafrancia2481]

Lol maybe Caucasian American is the default when you're in the U.S. but in other countries trust me it's not... I've lived my whole life in Asia and in my country the default is brown people with straight black hair...when we see Caucasians we immediately think "different" or "strange" or "pink meaty giants"...

[@thenasideofthemoon7612]

Not everybody noticed but uncle E was wearing a traditional Caucasian American dress. that's love for history and attention to detail, kudos

[@seniorpickle7936]

📂Documents └📁Media └📁Ephemeral Rift └📁 Bad Videos └⚠️ This folder is empty

[@alexc.1346]

I know this is late but this is the type of comments corny Eminem fans comment under his music

[@BigT.Larrity]

@@alexc.1346 Well I've never seen it before so I enjoyed it very much

[@brandonstone4315]

@@alexc.1346 ?

[@Thedeathdump]

Everyone is saying how many triggered people there are in the comments but I️ have not seen a single triggered comment

[@michaelvey0239]

A lot more dislikes compared to likes than usual

[@FourNamesFourEyes]

Are you sure about that?

[@ataridc]

You aren't looking hard enough. But the conservative kids are always "triggered" over everything so it's easy to miss because it's nothing new

[@3DSuperWaffle]

the triggered comments all get disliked to shit and nobody sees them

[@UpOnXFlame]

Eric Flores *triggered

[@jacksonelh]

This book, and by extension, this video, has to be the best work of satire I've seen in a long while.

[@magic8ball202]

E.R I fear you’ll never run out of ideas😂

[@c.reatureu.niverse7781]

Magic 8 Ball He might create an ASMR video of that...

[@TheBlachHoleBath]

thats because he never will run out, thats why he's the best asmr youtuber ever.

[@triggerhxppy]

your fear is justified

[@UpOnXFlame]

Magic 8 Ball why is that something you would fear 🤔

[@asaltyone3015]

E;R

[@tangerineman27]

Uncle E's channel is so expansive I close my eyes and scroll up down and some more quickly fast and click and boom. Something new of different every time

[@LionessWhispersASMR]

Oh my goodness... this was hilarious. I listened to this while falling asleep, and instead I woke my family up laughing! Well done :-)

[@steamengineshooray]

"Females, canines and certain gardening tools." I'm dying-

[@Xernive]

Thank you so much for taking time for making these videos. I do feel a tad sorry for people who have not taken time to experience your videos. Not only are they very creative but for someone to take the time from there family to do such a thing for strangers really shows. Again thank you and can't wait for next video :)

[@novaroseoooooo]

This is the absolute greatest piece of content in the entire ASMR community.

[@calkestis5817]

Why do I sense a lot of sarcasm when he said “remarkable country”

[@kickinitwithmydawg]

Qifan Zhao -- your senses are strong and correct.

[@Flevir]

Alexander The Great Despite having shitty ratings in terms of overall happiness, standard of living, infrastructure, and freedoms compared to the rest of the industrialized modern world. Yep, so remarkable that other places did it better. XD

[@KazuyaMithra]

Flevir EU and Japan are even more authoritarian. We generally have it good but haven't peaked in decades.

[@Flevir]

KAZ Eh, some parts of the EU are more authoritarian, I agree there. With Japan it's a little more iffy, because it's not so much that there more authoritarian but that their culture is more collectivist than ours, in that the people are raised with the thought of the good of the many being more important than just the good of the one. Still individuality is encouraged there but essentially as a way to benefit the whole and not just the individual. I'd say it's not really authoritarian but is similar in appearance. But yeah, absolutely, we have not peaked in decades. The last time we were peaking was with the New Deal and FDR really, we've been pretty stagnant and even regressed a bit comparative to our level of development. It's pretty sad. I wish we'd get our act together and start making some decisions for the good of the people of the country and not just the rich.

[@Flevir]

KAZ But yeah, I'm not saying we have it bad. I mean we are a modern industrialized nation. But we could be doing so much better yet we basically just refuse to take the actions that get us there because the people with ridiculous amounts of money are the ones making the rules to benefit themselves and themselves only.

[@matttheman3923]

“The king and queen of Spain who had financed his voyage didn’t know that Christofer Columbus was directionally impaired” 😂😂😂

[@Mundellica]

Just picked this book up today. It’ll be on my coffee table during thanksgiving celebration.

[@tiger08ist]

Female canines and certain gardening tools = hip hop, you're cracking me up funny Caucasian American male.

[@grunt6257]

b.cage I already call them bitches

[@devon5078]

b.cage don’t refer to it as “like the blacks do” because that’s not strictly African American culture you’re the typa person that makes white people look bad which makes me happy I’m Native American

[@devon5078]

b.cage yeah you gotta go man, just stop while you can. Your not an intelligent person at all

[@ee8942]

*You're I find it Ironic how you are insulting his intelligence while also not knowing the difference between You're and Your

[@h.w.4482]

tina marie funny Caucasian American male = dude?

[@fabiomanda234]

I don't know how you kept a straight face while reading that. Now I really want that book.

[@michaelc.4321]

You should’ve adjusted the exposure so everything seemed really REALLY white.

[@Moonmerism]

That would be funny but it would be hard to fall asleep to

[@eggproductions130]

Your channel is just incredible. So much originality and creativity. Your sense of humour and your references are always great.

[@leonardchurch814]

A rather risque move here Rift, let's see if it pays off. Not a lot of people understand satire.

[@Squiggypie]

Oi, Rift, you might not have seen my comment before, but I’m gonna keep asking for every episode from here on out. I love your content, and you’ve really inspired me to try to make ASMR on my own. If I could get your blessing, I’ll begin. Thanks Mr. Rift!

[@tuscan9617]

Me: Watch this video Get real sleepy Go to brush teeth Grab razor Grab toothpaste Put toothpaste on razor Stick razor in mouth About to brush tongue with toothpaste covered razor Me: Wait, WHAT THE FUCK Calmly removes razor from mouth Goes to bed before i can kill myself on accident.

[@neoniakitsama]

Mr. Swordfish how high are you?

[@droid88-b56]

What a beard! God, it looks fantastic Uncle E! Also, since this video is made by you, I'll assume that it's great!

[@jtendy]

You look very nice today Uncle E!

[@jc3127]

These types of books are cool. Not because of race or what specifically they talk about but the way they talk about it. It gives you a new perspective. It’s like looking at our lives from the point of view of an alien.

[@thelonecookie3592]

Pretty sure this book is a satirical work that is designed to take a David Attenborough approach to that particular group of people

[@Jo-vo6rd]

This is the first time ever that I have skipped the nap in an asmr video for the sake of laughing of all things. I went straight to the [ 01:20:35 Chapter 10: Caucasian American Government ] and im reeling omg

[@thegooddoctor413]

It sounds like an alien learning to be “human” and this is him reading to his brethren.

[@h.w.4482]

Just in case anyone’s not sure, America is named after Amerigo Vespucci. Also, “sacred noise box” sounds like something someone from Mad Max would call a radio.

[@taylorchanthavong3164]

I'd really like to see E.R do woody's repair scene from toy story or something similar like a broken toy

[@Tactical_Equine_Attack_Unit]

omfg you have got to be kidding me... I'm now battling naps because I need to hear more. This is great!

[@Tactical_Equine_Attack_Unit]

Because it's both very relaxing and very funny

[@KILLASAURUSFLEX]

NB4 someone comments without watching. This is satire so don't get all butt hurt about it, because I know someone's going to get it up their ass about how this is racist or somthing.

[@crisv3283]

KILLASAURUSFLEX Man, people need to be too dumb to don’t get that this is satire

[@MoxieCat]

lolo man Looks like they ARE too dumb.

[@grunt6257]

I feel ya fam.

[@FourNamesFourEyes]

Ironically the comment right above yours is someone taking it too seriously. Edit: Well it used to be anyway...

[@torichristianson8890]

This had me dying....Uncle E, you never cease to amaze me with your ideas....you are the master of originalality (probably not a word lol) and I love the subtle sarcasm in this.

[@eliotgarcia21]

I just woke up why would i need to sleep another 8 hours

[@Kuronosa]

I can't even sleep to this...it cracks me up to listen to this...

[@hannahnelly1193]

What a fascinating species!

[@CapsuleGraph11]

huh

[@queerqegaard8598]

Great video as always Rift

[@misfortune6666]

At 1:16:11 you can tell ER is doing is best to not laugh

[@Lance_Borislov]

Definitely enjoy the soft talking videos over the whispering vids

[@jc2974]

This book is a meme

[@grunt6257]

Josh C new meme confirmed

[@toast6902]

I'm a meme.

[@user-we3pn1ok8q]

lmfao

[@IvanIvanov-qx5oz]

Do YOU think that this book is a meme?

[@Beat_2004]

If he'd be my teacher I'd fall asleep immediately to his calming and smooth voice.

[@jadenmartinez9992]

Hello stranger scrolling through the comments

[@forgottencreation]

I am a pilgrim in a strange land...

[@UmbreonGamingatYT]

I love being a caucasian male, receiving sacred green paper and reducing said green paper is what I enjoy investing my effort into, because time is indeed not physical, therefore it is not as valuable as the sacred green papers. I love to believe in a mystical being who is omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient who can create and do all things through acts of "miracles". I live in a magnificent country known as America, where the only thing you are required to do is follow the law, pay taxes, and die.

[@Sputnick_00]

this is how they will teach our era

[@yamyanasmr3047]

Nice! I came at exactly 2k views! Keep up the great work and ideas, rift!

[@evanb.529]

I laughed pretty hard at the hip hop part cause of "female canines and certain gardening tools"

[@Gala21]

This is amazing, I wasn't sure if it was serious or not at first, your acting is just brilliant. The book is amazing

[@bbillx9347]

2:34 secret frame

[@andrewcryan1]

That was a subliminal message telling me telling me to shoot John Lennon.

[@Flevir]

andrewcryan1 No not John! Don't kill the Beatles!

[@Jayderica]

Flevir not sure how to break this to you...

[@bobd9116]

The most condescending book, read in the most condescending manner LOL. Still love you ER keep up the good work.

[@e-gill5006]

Just love how people are talking about the comment section being trash, but when you go down you can't see the comments that they're talking about. But they are true about the trash part tho, they're the ones making it trash.

[@ashlynkreiss4422]

I've lost count how many times I've watched this but I still can't stay awake past chapter 4

[@kjnuminous7224]

88% Caucasian, 12% Moroccan. The Swede took over.

[@invisibleasmr8797]

15:27 "And they were usually Brown Caucasian Americans!"😂I love this so much lmao

[@lpacheco9947]

"You're listening to Delicious Dish on National Public Radio"

[@nabbygrabby3091]

One day, our ancestors will unearth this book and understand our society better than we do now

[@WishIWasJim]

The people complaining about this video are the same who comment on all his other videos calling everyone triggered. Who's triggered now huh?

[@LordVader1094]

No one is complaining, lol.

[@monjessenstein]

Been looking foward to this since your post on twitter.

[@Nscorpion5248]

I still love the meme that the settlers had to be taught how to make things and plant things after coming from the most advanced civilization in history. Like, "the natives taught them how to make canoes" you know, after they just came across the entire ocean on massive galleons.

[@saucevc8353]

Ah yes, because civilizations are just hiveminds and everyone in them knows all information that the whole civilization has acquired. Most of the people on the galleons weren't the people building the galleons. As for planting crops, North America has very different plants and soil compared to England so obviously the people who have lived with those plants for centuries would know how to farm them better than the people who grew up with completely different farming methods for a completely different country.

[@Inkwell_Music]

This is like an alien teacher teaching alien kids about earth history

[@Inkwell_Music]

Also this is very clearly a left leaning book, I don’t care though, I don’t lean iether way

[@ewanwalker5967]

Is that Stephen Colbert's face on the picture of the showering dude?

[@iTyncWithReality]

Yes!!😂🤣😂🤣😂

[@gashby1965]

You never fail to entertain!! Well done!

[@vrisker]

im having the hardest time trying to figure out if rift lowkey satirizes anarcho communist thought or if he mildly agrees with it

[@forgottencreation]

I think E.R is far too smart to be one, regardless he certainly makes a great satire even if the books content is a little anti-white.

[@TheQeltar]

ER has described himself as a bit of an anarcho communist.

[@Foxrich99]

The Qeltar proof?

[@TheQeltar]

I think he said it in that video where he answers philosophical questions.

[@martin9555]

Begotten Contradiction He has stated multiple times that he is ancom at heart. I guess that he isn't "far too smart" to be one. He even has a video called ASMR for the working class or something like that.

[@GenVK]

I love this book. It's got a great sardonic tone to it, as well as a condescending approach often unseen by Caucasian Americans.

[@ThoughtMachine1]

GenVK Really, you speak for all Caucasian Americans? Or are you just a bigot, happy to stereotype and assume as well as any other racist.

[@danic_c]

Most of the video is actually just a really tame description of a 1950's white family life. It's nothing racist per se.

[@iqbooda]

This reminds me of an article called "The Nacirema" which also highlights the "othering" of non-white societies of which anthropology was so guilty. Also a fun read and easily found on the web if you are curious!

[@HiThereLindsey]

I am so intrigued right now lol bring on the tingles

[@thesecretthirdthing]

Your funniest video yet. Keep it up E.R.

[@ananymous9066]

Take a shot every time he says "Caucasian."

[@howtodothings2014]

Now I’m an alcoholic. Thank you (was in the first minute of this challenge)

[@daylanberry7955]

Ananymous dead after 2 minutes

[@kin5033]

CoOl !

[@Jayderica]

Ananymous Double if you are Caucasian.

[@Dogwaterclip]

This kills the Caucasian American man.

[@PeterFerr]

This book reads like it was written by cats living in human homes...

[@awally5222]

Caucasian and white aren't the same thing, but White is a sub division of Caucasoid, but so are Arabs and they aren't white, well at least most of them.

[@مدمرةالمهبل]

Ali Noufal Italians =/= white

[@coopercobb8867]

theyre all basically the same color

[@indeed7289]

ive developed an issue tonight i discovered i can't actually sleep without ASMR all day today i was exhausted and i had a 16 hour day however i left my headphones at work and found out i can't actually sleep without ASMR... how do i even go to the doctor for that "i can't sleep without a french plague doctor whispering shadow speak into my ear as he beaks me"

[@BoganBrett]

Holy cow made me literally lol

[@yptrumpet]

"Would YOU be happy if you were a sanctimonious conformist?"

[@Nickersons-Theme]

"I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.''

[@austinorlando4326]

It's like an alien is reading a textbook about what Caucasian people lived like when earth was still around or something

[@ProcyonPal]

It's a little disheartening that this was published 25 years ago but could easily be a new release

[@GoodGirlKiki]

someone enlighten me is this book a piss-take? or is it just the way Rift reads it that makes it so hilarious.......

[@GoodGirlKiki]

19 minutes in and still can't decide!

[@Naters305ytg]

Did you figure it out yet? I think its kind of a mixture honestly.

[@kickinitwithmydawg]

Klara Клара -- The author (Slapin) probably admires Stephen Colbert's (comedian) style. it has pictures of Colbert throughout so I'm going to say that this is a parody book...since that's what he does. He also writes parody books. I think it's a parody on education.

[@calkestis5817]

It’s meant to be funny

[@apewithheadphonesKK]

poe`s law man, poe`s law

[@ZolidarPwns]

I feel so enlightened by this I don't think I'll ever touch the ground again.

[@harryjohnson1093]

I admit the book is kind of cringe but I feel if it were a book on African American or Latino or even East Asian culture people wouldn’t take the piss out of it

[@normantent]

It's a satire on the over simplification of native Americans and first people's textbooks usually given to kids

[@punklover99]

​@@normantent ok but he's still got a point, if it was about latinos people would be pissed. As a Mexican myself who thinks everyone can be fodder i wouldn't care

[@MrSockez]

I just pray that aliens don't find this book in the distant future and base their entire concept of human life off of it

[@josht6375]

This is gonna attract all the wrong people

[@Flevir]

da gingerbread boi Yep. Totally has been.

[@christinawhaley7]

It already is. Damnit.

[@tailgunner2]

Well, most ASMR videos aim to hit triggers, lol!

[@eragoncarvahall735]

I think that's the goal, cuz he explains ASMR

[@suspicioususer]

like leftists

[@shilopnamreg6468]

Is... is this what representation and/or appreciation feels like?

[@wilhelmu]

where do you find shit like this

[@grunt6257]

NathanRomml eBay.

[@wilhelmu]

what does he search to find this in the first place

[@karlbach1451]

This book will actually become part of our schools curriculum in 2018

[@dxjjw]

Can already tell some people won’t realise this is satire

[@ThoughtMachine1]

Sort of like joking about black, Asians, or any other group of people being wiped out in 100 years, right?

[@mercyamour5992]

I think a lot of people are missing the idea that this book is entirely intended to be satirical and not taken seriously, along with the video.

[@Justin-uc8sc]

Little do his fans know he is growing the Bob Ross beard. Next comes the 'fro

[@timewellspent8137]

Oh dang, I thought this was a recent upload! Looks like I've been bamboozled yet again!

[@Mold_]

Oh dang I thought this was a recent comment! Looks like I've been bamboozled yet again!