ADHD Relationships: Hurtful Conversations

www.digcoaching.com. Jeff Copper is an ADHD coach and host of Attention Talk Video which is part of the Attention Talk Network, www.attentiontalknetwork.com.
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder relationships can spiral out of control and end up in hurtful conversations. Is that an outcome you will really want? In this video ADHD coach Jeff Copper interviews ADHD marriage consultant Melissa Orlov (adhdmarriage.com), who shares tips and strategies to put an end to them.
Attention Talk Video (www.attentiontalkvideo.com) is a part of the Attention Talk Network, which includes Attention Talk Radio... Your ADHD Information Station! (www.attentiontalkradio.com), Attention Talk News... Your ADHD News Source! (www.attentiontalknews.com), and Attention Talk Video... Your ADHD Talk Show Station! Follow us on Facebook at / attentiontalkradio .
Attention Talk Video is the leading video resource providing educational information and support for those with or impacted by Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Educational information is intended to help our targeted audience made up of adults and children to manage their symptoms to enable them to function at work, in school, at home, or in relationships. If you are frustrated, overwhelmed, or stuck or if you procrastinate, are not organized, or struggle with time management, consider subscribing to Attention Talk Video at www.attentiontalkvideo.com.
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[@erlinavicente7411]

What sucks is that the people who usually watch these vids are those that don’t have the ADHD in the relationship. What hurts even more is that as usual I’m the only one putting in the effort.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

You have a good point. Wish i had a magic wand for you. In the end keep trying and keep the faith. Thanks for posting.

[@Epilepticchefproductions]

I just found out I might have ADHD. I came here to try and be better for my wife

[@erlinavicente7411]

@@Epilepticchefproductions, I honestly pray for you and your wife. If anything you have done more than my husband(baby daddy of 25 years). To start, if you noticed 25 yrs. That’s 25 years since he proposed. We never got married. he got irritated by the fact my sister who was planning the wedding, did all the reservations, including put a congratulations announcement in the news paper; wanted to know what date we wanted and which invitation cover we selected. she hand made each card and was going to hand make them all. His response was “can we take about something else more exciting.” To this day he has never asked my how I felt, or why I stopped the planning. You at least got to the marriage part, and opened possibilities to someone to make you seek help in your relationship. He has yet to even take his medication regularly or seek help for the relationship. You wrote a comment here, which in my eyes is so much more effort and worry for your wife than he has ever done for me.

[@apmagic8523]

I’m here and I’m trying to better my adhd. Good point though

[@lisamercier391]

That's not true

[@nicowithguitar]

I love how this video has so much information in just 5 minutes. I almost sat through the whole videos without pausing and doing something else randomly. good stuff

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Totally excellent. Hope you enjoy more of our content.

[@luqmanrashid1651]

Yeah, I am the inattentive type and its so easy for me to zone out. My wife keeps telling me she feels unwanted or secluded or unappreciated. I have no idea what I did to make her feel that way. I'm tired. Its like I'm the only one accepting her flaws. But when it comes to my symptoms kicking in, she denies it and make me the selfish one. Or at least I become a complete idiot because I'm not very good in reading social qeue

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Have you considered seeking couples thearpy?

[@mariopot789]

thanks my girlfriend is like this, this helps me understand her.

[@friedpilot4663]

@Do you fear being alone ? Adhd life love it and im bipolar 1 too just for shit icing on the cake

[@MekareP]

This is two years ago, but did you acknowledge her feelings? She's not making up her feelings, she genuinely feels that way. As someone else with inattentive adhd, it is easy for us to become involved heavily in our own world. She's likely telling you exactly why she feels that way but you may be too wrapped up in your own thoughts to hear them. Which is an adhd problem with everything we do. We space out during class, why could it not be possible to space out during a relationship?

[@adhdmarriage2190]

Thank you Jeff Copper for working with couples to begin healing after difficult - and often - hurtful conversations. ADHD impacted dialog can be hurtful until we learn how to manage our behaviors and symptoms.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

I'm the one thanking you for such great content!

[@sabastiankilgore781]

This is and has been extremely helpful. Im grateful for your content, thank you for putting it and yourself out there

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

thank you for taking the time to comment and share your kind words. Posts like this are why we do what we do.

[@mickeybubzx33]

Really appreciate these videos, ya you said yup a lot but it’s because you were interested and agreeing/relating with what she was saying you did great!

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Yes i say yup alot back then (when the video was shot). I've gotten better. I'm grateful you are getting something from the content.

[@ocanain1731]

Thanks. My wife has adhd and the emotional dysfunction is so hard to approach. I was curious about the role of accountability in regards to conflict.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Understand I'm not a mental health professional. From my perspective everyone is accountable for their actions to a degree. That said, ADHD is an issue of self regulation. We don't have a "test" yet... like a blood test to diagnose it be we are finding it is genetic and related to a cocktail of genes. The challenge is many with ADHD are not aware of the emotions desregulation. Like anything it is hard to do something about what you are not aware of. The key is to get a proper diagnosis and help (awareness) so the individual can be more accountable or work with their partner with intention. Being open to a diagnosis comes down to free will and that is something you can't control unfortunately. Again, these are just my thoughts. I'm not a mental health professional.

[@investinv6002]

Adult ADHD and Relationships - ways to build a healthier, happier partnership - ADHD can cause misunderstandings, frustrations, and resentments in your closest relationships. But there are ways to build a healthier, happier partnership. ihtirafnet.blogspot.com/2020/05/adult-adhd-and-relationships-adhd-can.html

[@firewalkwithme7660]

This is great but when a person doesn't want to change anything, completely useless. 9 years with my ADHD husband, he does not listen, abandons me after surgeries/each time I have a health crisis, has physically and emotionally abused me hundreds of times and still does it to this day. I'm disabled and can't do anything about it. He is on medication now, and thinks that the problem is solved. He is sweet for a few days and then goes into a rage, saying terrible things to me, including threats to cause my death (which is easy to do considering I have to take lifesaving medication). There is no way to talk to him, every word is twisted, every good deed I do perverted, most days I honestly don't want to wake up to see him anywhere near me. We read your book, but he cherrypicks "issues with a problem wife". And disregards his symptoms. So yes, it's great when both people are healthy and independent, but it's a life sentence when one person is physically disabled, and being controlled by the one with this illness.

[@michelledecker6795]

Hi I like the Twin Peaks reference. I have been in an Add relationship and a relationship with a narcissist. Sounds as though you have the later on your hands. My ex with ADD was disorganized, a procrastinator and didn't really do a lot outside of work but he Never threatened me with violence. The narcissist on the other hand would do so in a heartbeat. Was there ever a legitimate diagnosis of ADHD? Narcissist are masters of deception and can play a shrink pretty well. Sorry about your situation.

[@chasingcats4]

Yeah nah, ADHD =/= abusive assholes

[@johannalongden8522]

My boyfriend too! Can ADHD make them that nasty??

[@jvhvkhvhkvkvkh7535]

@@michelledecker6795 why is he your ex then you left hom because he had adhd

[@ShayLatrice]

sounds like a classic narcissist

[@winkyc]

Good topic.thank you!!! It helps👍👍👍

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

you are very welcome

[@LisaChenier-qr8cl]

I’m absolutely exhausted. Wife of 20 years with a husband with adhd….and every day is a struggle. I try sooooo hard to make life easier and all he does is work against me. I’m literally so tired.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

I can hear the energy drain. My hope is the two of you are getting some kind of help...

[@Jorg-ug3ie]

Very, very good & useful information given by this great lady!Thanks a million times; just wish I'd known this sooner ....🙏🏽 PS. A friendly request to Jeff: Could you please stop looking into the camera? It's coming off as unnecessary, nervous & a bit disrespectful to your conversation partner...I'm sure you dont mean it that way.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Sorry about that... this video was shot years ago... in my more formative years with more challenging technology. Thanks for watching.

[@goofball2228]

I have combined type. I have all of the problems. I have anger issues, I say things without thinking and accidentally offend people, and I zone out in convos. I hate myself for ruining friendships.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Are you getting help? I hope so. ADHD isn't always a good DIY project.

[@goofball2228]

@@AttentionTalkVideo yeah I’m on medication

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

@@goofball2228 but are you getting help to gain the self-awareness when you are emotional and doing something to down regulate it?

[@goofball2228]

@@AttentionTalkVideo yeah I guess

[@ramir332]

I been in a ADHD relationship I don't have it but I had to put up with my 29 year old gf. It is so hard and stressing. I gave her thousands of chances and to be hurt cheated and lied to to the point where I finally gave up this love or insanity I was living in. My face is like that insanity picture I just gave up. The hurts and fighting was too much. I love her still but her condition is too much. I put myself through hell. I stopped trusting her too. I gave up. Pray that I find myself someone that will appreciate me more and I still hope she does fine herself. She still calls me but I don't answer her calls. When I get money I'm changing my number.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Hang in there. Relationships are complex.

[@alicianieto2822]

The ADHD sure didn't help, but people with ADHD can also be asshats independently of it. I have ADHD, I have never cheated, and very rarely lie, just as I have neurotypical friends who do both in their relationships a lot. The basic symptoms like being impulsive are the disease but they don't explain the entire behaviour of people, and one rarely has impulses to do something they consider ethically wrong.

[@eb5857]

I can write a book about my pass relationship w gf with ADHD, and I have epilepsy let’s say after 11 years that was it😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 let’s say I stop having sezuires when I left her

[@Maria-gh4ul]

OMG! This is exactly what i was going through. I thought i'm alone in this shitty relationship with ADHD husband. I have his diagnosis from a psychiatrist and it is so difficult n hurtful to talk to him, when we had a fight he always calling me names, also insult my dad n mom, threaten to kill, and his outbursts rage in front of our son who is then 2 year old. What making it worse, his mom always micro manage in our marriage and always protect and win him over me no matter how bad what he did and told me. Later i know that his mom have OCD n bipolar syndrome. They both constantly lying about almost everything. I ate a lot but i loose weight because i don't have peace of mind. Until one fine morning he rage at me out of nowhere and kick me out of the flat, and i'm happily did it with my son. And now we are divorce. I feel happier and i believe i give my son a better situation to grow up.

[@thelegendkillersshittyduff1335]

If she cheats on you once dump her ass never give her another chance. Mgtow

[@DrCharlesParker]

Well said, Jeff and Melissa - Interesting from my experience with these painful moments is the interface between affect and reason, self and non-self, and the theme of respect - disrespect. Respect, affect management and non-self-awareness all play a role depending on the moment. Executive function accepts non-self perceptions and negotiates from a respectful position of affect management. Thanks guys, well said!

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Thank you. Melissa is amazing and ADHD community resource.

[@new_light-xq6cd]

Dr Charles Parker I have caused hurt that pains me b/c (my sister) said she has low expectations for me when it comes anything.

[@jsma5503]

My husband of 18 years has add. It has been a nightmare. You are basically married to a person you have to parent. You love them, but you resent all their crap. They don't listen, they procrastinate everything, they have so many excuses, you usually carry all the weight of everyday life on your shoulders. I have researched this so much over the years, but basically you have to disconnect yourself or they will suck the life out of you

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Assuming your husband isn't in denial maybe check out Melissa Orlov or the resources on her site.

[@adhdmarriage2190]

Hi - the parenting of a partner with ADHD is a common response to undermanaged symptoms in the relationship. However, you can learn to not parent AND your partner can learn to become more reliable in the relationship. Also, I do have a free treatment ebook that your partner could use to start thinking about the broadly different ways that one manages ADHD...assuming he wishes to do so. If he doesn't wish to manage, then your issue is not ADHD...but his denial that ADHD matters and he should do something about it. And, as always, it's both people who contribute to the issues. Your disconnecting from him and parenting him adds to the issues the two of you have in your relationship overall, even as they solve a shorter-term issue of making living with his undermanaged symptoms bearable.

[@KnollyJamesandJoJoOreo]

You just described my marriage- 21 years of having to parent my husband but I have ADHD too. It sucked the life out of me until we lost everything including our home. I kept trying for months then stopped for a year

[@samuelbamiteko9519]

is he treated

[@jsma5503]

Samuel Bamiteko my husband is on meds and sees a psychiatrist, it helps, but it only changes a little. You basically have to learn how to live with it, and live your own life, they never really change

[@tmejia2888]

How do you stop conversation when you ( the wife with add ) has a husband who calls removing myself, running away or avoiding the conversation? I know my limits and I am now 53 and have learned many strategies to positively function. I’m always told my add is an excuse. I am a very open minded person who can understand why we don’t see eye to eye. I’m willing to learn how we can avoid these hurtful conversations. I guess I’m the one who is hurt by these conversations so maybe he doesn’t see the need to get help so that we can have the tools to allow for a strong loving friendship and marriage. 💔

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

If there is one thing I've learned coaching it is that you can force someone to get help. They have to want it. As for removing yourself from conversations I'm not sure i can speak directly to that in that I'm not sure i have all the details. It sounds like there are a lot of emotional reactions. Melissa talks about symptom response response where there is an ADHD symptom and the partner emotionally responds... the the ADHD person feels threatened and they respond emotionally... and the cycle escalates. this plays out over and over till everything starts with an emotional reaction. It is very effortful to break such cycles. I really encourage you to reach out to Melissa Orlov. Keep the faith.

[@adhdmarriage2190]

First, talk with him directly about this strategy and why you are using it at a time when you aren't running away. In fact, you could bring it to his attention, as in "Hey, I know you think I'm trying to escape, so I would like to talk with you about that." and then, perhaps, "I am using a strategy that my therapist has recommended as a way to stay calmer when I start to feel overwhelmed. It's a way of removing myself before I say something I, and you, might regret." The second thing is that you need to address the core underlying issue of why you are feeling you need to remove yourself. Is it overwhelm? If so, then there are structured conversations and other techniques you can use together that will help with that. Are you feeling shame? If so, then there are ways to bring this to your partner's attention so that he doesn't think you are just making excuses. Are you feeling angry? If so, is there a way to address that through therapy or medication? So...look underneath what's so upsetting and see if there is a way to address it. Third, you both should seek to create new ways to interact around the trigger topics that most often send you out of the room. Perhaps he needs a 'preamble' that will help you stay open and calm (ie. not surprise you, which might trigger you). Perhaps a verbal cue to stop aggressive speaking is needed, etc etc. There are many strategies. Bottom line is this. Don't leave this as it is - the interaction isn't positive for the two of you. See if you can work as a team to set up a new dynamic.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

@@adhdmarriage2190 well put!

[@CmdDel]

Thanks for the video, though ADHD me lost track of the dialogue once the spider behind Jeff started crawling around ;P

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

LOL! I'll have to re watch the video and look for the spider. search you tube for awareness test and watch the 1:09 video. I'm wondering if you see what is obvious that most miss.

[@classicnobody9872]

yeah I have a problem my ADHD best friend is emotionally abuse and selfish

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Don't have a lot of context around your comment but... politely setting boundaries are important.

[@entewente]

That has nothing to with their ADHD tbh.

[@n0x524]

How do you deal with someone being ableist saying you blame your inattentive issues and hyperfocus (I'm audhd and cannot be medicated anymore due to heart issues. I also have fibro, hEDS, and long haulers brain fog) its so hurtful ans invalidating. I simply asked if you need my attention ASK ME DIRECTLY. But that appears to be "problematic".

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

simple question... complicated answer... in the end you can't control others. All you can do is control yourself (i.e. how do you stay sane give the actions of others won't). I'd encourage you to get help from a thearpist or coach... wish i had a simple answer for you. Thanks for posting.

[@LoriKWatts]

OK but HOW do you interrupt the flooding? It's fine to advise interrupting "with a verbal cue" but if folks already knew how to do that they wouldn't have a problem in the first place.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Yea, this is the hard part. There is no getting around this. It comes down to self-awareness. First responders (marines, police, firefighters, etc) train to pause… not panic before they respond. Years ago I did and interview with Sesame Street. Season 43 was dedicated to self-regulation with emotions being a big part of it. They used the Muppets to help preschoolers identify emotions, feel them in their body, help them learn to listen to their body to realize they were in an emotional state. The help them pause and breath, count to three and brainstorm. Basically train them and help them practice it. My point is there isn’t a tip or trick to this. It requires buy in and individual participation. The reason it is so hard is this. Emotions are a REFLEXIVE response. A reflex is automated which is why one must train. Sorry I don’t have a simple answer but it is the answer. Thanks for posting

[@thomasshirley7480]

I say some hurtful comments towards my mum and dad and my other family members sometimes because of my adhd my mum and dad can tolerate me when I am saying hurtful comments towards with them but I am trying my best to stop me saying them nasty thoughts in my head because my cousin is concerned about my hurtful comments towards my mum and dad plus I have got be respect not lose my relationship with my mum and dad and my cousin because I am doing some therapy to stop me saying them horrible comments towards my family plus I have new baby cousin been born recently I need to be more positive for him because I will baby sitting for him when he is older because I am not going say nasty comments about him when he is growing up

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

curious... do you notice when you make those comments? Are they more common when you are tired? Stressed? frustrated?

[@thomasshirley7480]

Yes I say these hurtful when i am frustratied and stressed and when I am tired because I regret things what say to people and my family members the next due to my adhd another things what makes me say hurtful things about my family members when I have had beer and it makes my adhd and my head say the nasty comments and it is the weat in the beer what makes me angry and I have been reading a lot self helps books recently to about to improve my adhd

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

@@thomasshirley7480 So, when you are tired, stress, and frustrated we know there is a very high probability that you are going to struggle. Knowing that, what would help you notice when you are in that state? The idea is simple (easy to say hard to execute). If you are aware that you are getting in that state or you are going down that path... how do you pause and down regulate the emotion. In other words step out of yourself and realize that once you trip the wire you won't be in control of what you are saying. If you can step out and down regulate... let go you can come back and manage things with better awareness.

[@thomasshirley7480]

I do meditations to stop me saying hurtful comments about my family members and it has been helping me for the last seven weeks with my adhd and I do belly breathing excises to stop me from saying horrible comments about my family due to my adhd and I have been do some anti stress colouring to ease my stress levels and I have been doing positive self talk excises to help my stress adhd levels and I am trying hard it is hopefully sinking in to my brain to stop me saying horrible comments about my family members

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

@@thomasshirley7480 it sounds like.... I have been do some anti stress colouring to ease my stress levels and I have been doing positive self talk excises... have been helping. think of them as exercies. As you practice the "skill" (regulating emotions) will hopefully improve. Keep the faith and let those close to you know you are grateful for their support.

[@AbacusAxolotyl]

YES some of us DO need “hurtful” conversations explained. We’re here to learn not to have people reiterate something we already know, why make this video if you think the audience already knows everything? 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

the audience might be aware they get into hurtful conversations but that doesn't mean they know what to do or that they understand the other persons perspective. Self-awareness is highly coorelated with success in life. Often such videos help people move towards more self-awareness.

[@SISupply]

they say they love you.........but just want you to get over it, stop procrastinating and just be normal. i dont believe i have expected anyone to "just be ADHD"!!! dont " act'" like you care, dont "act" like your supportive when you are most commonly annoyed, frustrated, angry and isolating for us. when in truth behind closed doors you dont give a fuck and are sick of our constant drama. WE HAVE ADHD NOT DEMENSIA , WE DO FEEL AND SEE YOU LIVE WITH YOU in reality even if we try to point you in the right direction, make ourselves completely open to abuse by sharing what is going on. Its always to much to ask. not once can a "normal" person put themselves in our shoes and understand that its also to much to ask that we pretend, that you can yell and scream because your just so frustrated. when we yell and scream its some not valid like we dont feel frustrated, like we are your emotional punching bag because your not coping with something that your telling us that we should cope with and also on top of that get over it, try harder, stop lying , stop being a victim. all i can say is .......who is actually acting like a victim? who is chucking a tantrum? seeing someone for lets assume six hours in a day, does not qualify , in comparison to how frustrating daily life is general for us. we actually have to hide our symtoms to look after your feelings most of the time. how about the one that is actually capable of "getting over it" does and leaves the person actually suffering to try and get on with it. the constant nagging, anger and frustration does nothing to help it actually makes everything 20 times worse , which then spirals because massive conflict errupts because i shut down and cant communicate. all those so called "I love her/him" warriors out there. Really, does it feel like love? being angry and frustrated. with your complete inability to grow or work with us, BECAUSE ADHD ISNT GOING ANYWHERE because its asking "to much" for you to learn . JUST LEAVE IT UP TO US TO LEARN TO COPE WITH YOUR CHILDISH IMMATURE TANTRUMS. I AM NOT PERFECT, BUT I DO TRY TO AT LEAST BE CIVIL.......I AM SO TIRED OF HAVING TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS BECAUSE I AM DIFFERENT AND YOU ARE "NORMAL" YOUR NASTY NOT NORMAL, YOU TREAT EVERYONE BUT THE PERSON YOU SO CALL "LOVE" WITH RESPECT AND INTEGRITY . YOU TREAT US WITH DISREGARD AND CANT BE BOTHERED. GUESS WHAT EITHER CAN WE! if i treated people in my life with anywhere near the anger and frustration that they throw my way. because they can , because im not well and so hard to love. they would not have lasted a week. it really hurts.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Wow, I hear your frustration! Yes, it is a conflicting message when someone tells you they love you and expressing their frustration and anger at you. Some really don’t get it. They are truly at wits’ end and they just can’t understand why you can’t do it like the cause it seems so easy to them. I think other often do love those with ADHD. They are frustrated cause they sense or empathize with the person who has ADHD… they just don’t have a clue what to do and feel helpless. I’ve got a friend who’s son is in jail. It tears him up everyday but there isn’t anything he can do about it. In the end, it is about standing in others shoes. The trick is both party have to be open to that concept. If both don’t or one doesn’t it doesn’t work. As hard as it is I enough those with ADHD to be empathetic to neurotypicals. It doesn’t mean they will be empathetic back. If they are great. If they don’t take peace in knowing you are being the bigger person. Keep the faith and thanks for posting. I’m confident others will identify with your post.

[@jasontheconner6120]

Any resources for this conflict intimacy?

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

I believe there are resources on Melissa Orlov's website.

[@jasontheconner6120]

@@AttentionTalkVideo thank you!!!

[@_fayyy_za_]

could you do one on ADHD and LDR pleaseeeee

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Hmm... sorry... LDR? I'm not connecting that with context. Please comment back on what you mean by LDR and I'll respond.

[@_fayyy_za_]

@@AttentionTalkVideo long distance relationship

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

@@_fayyy_za_ Let me see what i can do.

[@_fayyy_za_]

@@AttentionTalkVideo Thank you ^-^

[@_fayyy_za_]

@@AttentionTalkVideo on second thought nvm... cuz umm we broke up and next time ifffff we do get together it'll only b as friends... cant rly deal with his probs... not my fault tho... i tried a lotttttttttt... he refuses to get treatment... and i dont wanna get hurt again

[@chrisgarrett8275]

Yup yup yup yup

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

yup... sorry about that... this was shot in my early years. I've learned to self-regulate better. I leave the video up as the content is still good. thanks for posting.

[@suerobb6597]

Verbal ques to interrupt flooding? What does Melissa mean, like a "safe" word as a verbal que? As in, when I feel myself "ramping up", I'm supposed to say my verbal que, as in, "STOP"? If I am understanding this correctly, then why not rely on the good ol' "count to ten" idea? Also, a link to the person Melissa mentions at the end of the video, (was it John Gottman?) included in your description would be nice. Great interview! I like Melissa! She really seems to know her stuff!👏 And it goes without saying, how much I like and enjoy you & your videos. 🙌

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Sue, when you look at ADHD as a self regulation issues things begin to make more sense. That said the "verbal que" is all about PAUSING... about being aware... to put you in choice... choice to continue what you are doing or to choose another direction. Counting to ten would work but that isn't the hard part. The HARD part is the PAUSE. The effortfull engaging of your executive functioning brain to override your automatic brain. A "safe" word might be tomato or something unrelated. Thanks for the suggesting about John. It will take time but we'll check into it. I'm grateful that you like my content and that you took the time to acknowledge it. Thanks!

[@firewalkwithme7660]

We tried the safe word....now my ADHD husband just shouts it anytime when I ask him to stop being abusive or ride to me. It was a safe word to help him control his aggression, and it is used against me each time I protest against abuse.

[@kaylas6950]

Yup yup.. yup yup yup

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

yup..

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

My apologies... been doing better with my yups.

[@toddashlock3100]

Good job by acknowledging the use of the word "yup" and by using it less I think it'll make people feel like you're listening to them all the way through

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

@@toddashlock3100 agreed

[@johannalongden8522]

It's over :(

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

sorry to hear that.

[@johannalongden8522]

@@AttentionTalkVideo ty saddened

[@samuelbamiteko9519]

are you the one with it

[@spacehog4188]

I enjoy the content but as a person with ASD, I'm so uncomfortable with the layout of this. Standing really close to a person you're professionally interviewing and putting a microphone in her face, moving it away before she's done talking, the outdoor setup with background noise, your "yup" responses interrupting her, the constant back and forth between looking at the camera and her, the weird formality as if you are a journalist or something... I can't really pay attention to your videos at all.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

Yes the content is good. Sorry for the production. There are reasons the productions is the way it is. The one variable that shouldn't be there is my yup's. With a few exceptions most of my video content can be of benefit just listening to the video. Next time you might consider just playing the audio. Again sorry for the production.

[@Starmander]

@@AttentionTalkVideo I might try that. I really appreciate the content.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

@@Starmander thanks!

[@mlaursen]

And the bug crawling up the wall while they are talking. :-)

[@cyberpriestess_]

Awkward situations happen, it's a part of life. Try to overcome the sensation and focus on the genuine nature of the conversation and the content. People are imperfect and it's a beautiful thing :)

[@WuddyOl]

sorry but the interviewer distrakted me so much i had to listen to the video again without watching 😂

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

that is ok... the content is what is important.

[@romanvasquezpliner5266]

Yep yep, mmhm, okay, yep yep, yep. (Keep up the good work - you have ADHD and we forgive you).

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

@@romanvasquezpliner5266 grateful

[@gracep2910]

not everything is about you

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

that is 100% a correct statement.

[@greenie2600]

Stop looking at the camera.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

sorry bout that.. it was shot in the early years of the channel. the content is good!

[@jamespeirce2582]

“Yep, yep, yep… yep, yep… yep.” Please talk less and let your guest speak more. Be silent while they are answering. It is distracting and contributes nothing.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

this is an old video. I've done better lately.

[@nireeburr]

You don’t get it interviewer.. “yep yep” so bloody rude 😡🤬he’s a trigger for me hands down gggrrr

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

sorry about that. I would edit it out if i could.

[@sfkeepay]

Speaking of self-regulation, PLEASE stop saying “yep yep yep” when the person you’re speaking with is speaking!

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

good point and good advise.

[@sfkeepay]

@@AttentionTalkVideo, Ung. Thanks. But I really could have been nicer about it. I apologize for leaving unbalanced feedback. You provide excellent information, and give other experts a platform that helps many, many people. Sorry for being so emphatic and short.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

@@sfkeepay I appreciate you reply... however... you have a point. You are not the first to make that comment. I'll do what i can to regulate. Yep's take away from the experience.

[@JEFFMAN90]

As someone who has ADHD I feel that us ADHDers need to stop dating neurotypical people because they do not understand the struggles that we go through everyday. We should strive to date other people with ADHD as well.

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

I respect your post. Be careful of what you ask for as you might get it. My point is there are lots of people with ADHD married to a neurotypical doing well. There are lots of ADHD couples on the rocks. The key is finding "your" match. I know easy for me to say... hard to execute. That said, it takes work but that is the receipt. Thanks for posting your perspective.

[@alphamentality5802]

Good luck with that. There will be zero structure and organisation

[@daniellecarrington5865]

That would not be so great although I feel the same way you do, but I can't handle being around myself all time lol. I don't see me dating any other person with ADHD. That would be too much

[@Kreepie11]

Hopping onto an old post to say that both my partner and I are ADHD and are fine. Sure, we struggle with house things, but our relationship is great - very supportive. We understand that sometimes things are just "too much" and we need to disconnect for a while, but we also have the ability to remind each other to get back up, and eat that horse! 😉 It can work, and can be the most rewarding. But you have to know things won't be perfect, and learn to be gracious with both your partner and yourself. But maybe that last part is just all relationships, anyway. Also - pro house tip - BROAD CATAGORIES in large boxes (jumbled). And a key bowl.

[@WestvilleCaper]

This is you not doing the work required to make yourself suitable for a relationship. I did this too. You’re making excuses dude, look inside.

[@SadioA]

Your head does distract me!!! .....clearly I have ADHD!🙄🙄

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

sorry about that!

[@chinh101]

Who is in the hurt? The adhd or adhd's spouse?

[@AttentionTalkVideo]

both