Authenticity: PSA for People Pleasers & Empaths

[@lavendaire]

Hi loves! ✨ We just launched a new community program ft. masterminds and monthly live events for personal growth & wellness! Learn more & join here → lavendaire.com/DLC 🫶

[@ash155]

"Don't make yourself smaller just to make the people around you feel better" "and if you just keep your mouth shut, nothings gonna change" ohhh this hits me, thank you aileen

[@comfortenglish8628]

hits me toooo!!!!!

[@AngDevigne]

Really needed this today. Not only do I do this for others, but I expect others to do it for me too and it becomes a cycle. Thanks for posting.

[@LangeDeMusique]

I think that’s a good point. You want others to be just as considerate as you are and get angry when they aren’t. I still think the majority of people could stand to be a little nicer to each other, but it’s not reasonable to think they’re going to hold their tongues and smile for everything. 😆

[@NenaLavonne]

A A very observant! Yes! 😊✨

[@haliacollins8336]

Exactly! I get so upset when essentially others aren't as much of a 'people pleaser' as I am! By letting go of that expectation of myself, I can let go of it for others

[@febinjoy9122]

Yes. We use to expect the others to do the same for us and unfortunately they didn't and we end more vulnerable than before

[@graciekerr3137]

Truth!

[@rea8585]

So many times I was more worried about other people's feelings than my own: I wouldn't tell my hairdresser to stop cutting my hair even if I knew I don't like it, I wouldn't ask for salt at a friend's dinner party, because I didn't want to offend her cooking... The list goes on. 😀 But each of these experiences eventually helped me to become a bit more confident and claim my place in the world. Especially when I met people who literally didn't care about anything and were (according to my standards) super rude, but they were also way more relaxed and had more fun.

[@Lindsweightloss]

Samee here, the hairdresser thing, I experienced that as well haha!

[@NenaLavonne]

Rea Kariz 😊✨

[@windelysroman6331]

Girl I feel you. Id rather STAY hungry at a friends house than tell them. Or even use the bathroom to not bother them. Who knew so many people are like this. This is mind blowing to me 🔥

[@silverroxen2954]

JK salt is an enhancer.

[@Thefitty]

Girl, we are on this journey together to be unapologetically ourselves!

[@ErikaK]

You have to be uncomfortable to grow, be authentic and honest with yourself, with your feelings, accept your weaknesses and don't be afraid of what people think or say. Be 100% yourself ♡ no matter what

[@caseyjeong1183]

Erika K 🙏🙏🙏

[@davidawilliams8603]

Ok! It was important to listen to the beginning and ending of this video for that was where the balance was: how to be empathetic and compassionate but not at your own expense of self worth. But you can be real WITHOUT being rude. Tactful but truthful. Humble but honest. Mindful but modest. Because I'm sure we offend others as much as they may offend us.

[@KINOMI]

this is exactly what I needed to hear!! thank you ❤️

[@hafeezatbishi1971]

Of course, this doesn’t apply to people who are authentically rude. Because them being their true selves may harm/offend others and that’s a reflection of them, not other people. I feel like that is implied but I wanted to state it anyways

[@frocktopus9429]

I felt like this watching this too, like for a lot of personal situations this is definitely the right path, but I have met a lot of people who are very bigoted who say they're "just being themselves" when actually they're trying to stop others they're bigoted against from being their authentic selves. It's a tricky one x

[@hafeezatbishi1971]

Hazel Dow exactly my point! There are people who attribute how rude they are to others as just their “personality” when it’s not and it causes harm. That is impermissible and while they’re conscious of how their actions make others feel, in their case they don’t care

[@frocktopus9429]

@@hafeezatbishi1971 you hit the nail on the head perfectly! x

[@toetovocaloid]

Yes!!

[@danielletamborini9576]

A BIG YES!!! people use "authenticity" to be freely rude. this is not not not not right

[@imjasmine8608]

*i can definitely relate to this* i always have anxiety about how others will react to me and if im stepping on anyones toes! This was a great impromptu video 🤗

[@NenaLavonne]

Jasmine Vo yes! 😊✨

[@Effundatrix]

Some people when they're upset like to let it all out. Within that category there is a subset of people who don't just need to vent but they need to emotionally "transfer" (my therapist's term) their own feelings onto the other person to make themselves feel better. A meditation teacher I listen to called it "the sadistic quarterback," someone who needs to "pass" their negativity and anger onto others. If you have trouble "stopping the transfer" onto yourself, it's going to be hard to relinquish that control Aileen talked about so eloquently. The upset person purges themself and experiences catharsis, but the empath usually feels the transferred emotions as strongly as the "quarterback" and then holds onto those feelings more tenaciously. I would give everyone who "downloads" transfers permission to protect themself and also encourage them to learn ways to reject the transfer or let go of the other's negativity (which is going to be different for every person and every relationship). I think it takes work but it's very possible to follow Aileen's advice.

[@yuffieh3860]

Yes!! And what happens when you take on these “responsibilities” you lose your personality. I love expressing myself, I can be very loud and talk about anything but honesty goes far, I rather be true than stay with people who I need to be careful with now. I can easily create stories in my head and that kills me, you can’t live life making stories about other people, just say something don’t be afraid you’ll feel more free rather than not wanting to bother them!

[@ash155]

Use Goldilocks rule: Not too hot, not too cold, Balance is the key I think.

[@juliennelomocso6294]

i guess it's a case to case basis. there is a certain extent to which we should not be ashamed of our true feelings but there is nothing wrong with being considerate about other people's feelings. Not because you want to diminish your own authenticity but because you want to help other people and understand where they're coming from. Otherwise we would all be living selfishly. Most often we claim self care and self love when we actually mean community love ♥️ just a reflection

[@JerriBerriW]

J Lo I agree. Sometimes when people are too in their own zone, like during a group conversation, it often kills the vibe... I guess my related reflection is that being a people reader - not necessarily a people pleaser - is an art too.

[@amy_lee]

Didn't expect this to hit so hard. Thank you for videos Aileen! ❤️

[@osse1n]

True virtue comes from abundance and abundance cannot be felt, whenever there is a sense of lack. Always put your needs first, before stretching a helping hand.

[@niharikaaamin]

I care too much about everything and I hate it. My thoughts are like ' I'm being nice but why am I not happy? Why is everything still so awkward?' This video just opened my mind! Thank you so much for sharing this video💜

[@christinamariemoney]

Such an important lesson. ❤️ It can be really hard to live your own life, 100% for yourself and your happiness when you are constantly worried about the thoughts and feelings of others. I have struggled with this, but it’s important to remember that as long as we are not intentionally hurting people we have every right to do what makes us happy!

[@Lindsweightloss]

Totally true Christiana :)

[@moulee7448]

True.. Agreed

[@toshiro34lover]

It took me a while to realize that I was like this, and I still am. but the thing that I m starting to realize is that I need to change. I need to speak more and say thing what is on my mind, but it's funny, its a lot harder to do that, than just saying you will. I've always been like this since I can remember. It started with my parents, trying to not give them any more trouble and work than they already had on them, as well as my older siblings. I'm the baby, so I thought I needed to be good and not give them trouble and as I grew up, that became who I am. Someone who doesn't give trouble, who is always on her best behavior, someone who is thoughtful and doesn't speak without thinking. Always suppressing what I had to say simply because I didn't want to hurt other people. Mind you not just random people, but close friends and family. "But isn't it easier to be yourself with friends and family?" you would ask. NO. The answer is no. at least not to me, personally. at some point, I found it easier to say whatever comes to mind to a complete stranger than to a close friend. is that weird? not that I do it all the time, but you get the point. But the cost of me being this way is that I keep all things to myself. The sadness, the anger, the fears, and when I finally want to let them out, being too tired to hold the wall anymore, I cant. I'm so stuck in this loop of putting this persona that I can't get out of. but it has all been my fault. to some degree, I guess. I was always afraid that I would hurt peoples feeling too much, and always censored myself. but I'm seeing more videos like this, and I find it funny. "why? "you would ask. Because everything said in this video is completely and utterly true. EVERYTHING. Maybe I'm being overly dramatic with this, but this is really how it feels. so little by little I'm learning how to be me. How to express my feeling and let people know what I'm thinking. Of course, I know I'm not going to change and do a complete 360 in a day. But I'm slowly getting there. I know it was long, sorry for that. But it was really helpful. Very insightful. So Thanks. :3

[@laylacua2074]

This is exactly how I feel. When it becomes a habit, changing it is easier said than done.

[@hali362]

I feel exactly the same. I keep everything to myself that at last I will be so so soo tired, that I think no one could save me. I am soooo empathetic that I start crying if I talk to anyone. I always think from their side and inspect each and every words I said to make sure that I didn't hurt anyone. I even stopped talking to people more. i didn't speak for myself.

[@FairylandCottage]

Such a strong light for good in this world. 💕🌹🌹💕🙏

[@anjaliroy9455]

love your videos too..come back soon

[@Thefitty]

*this is the MESSAGE OF THE YEAR for me. My mantra!*

[@rachellong2656]

Yes! This video came into my life at the most perfect time.

[@RitualCat]

I totally agree with you. I am always honest with people and tell them the truth. But I have found myself in some delicate situations in workplaces because of that. Some people when they hear the truth they feel hurt or they don't want to accept it and it definetly came back to me as a bad thing for being «rude» with some people. I always try to be respectful but sometimes people don't see it that way... I think those people just don't have the mind maturity yet to understand that. but yeah... honesty is the best policy, there's just a way to express it specially in workplaces

[@erinchiao3464]

I live in the dorm with five girls from different areas and I spend most of my college life with them. We are like families and I love them so much. We have different characters and I am always not sensitive enough, and sometimes my expression or anything else might make my roommates feel uncomfortable. Every time they feel uncomfortable about what I said or what I did, they will tell me that I or what I did made them unhappy even they know I am not intentional. So I always think their unhappiness is all my fault and I can’t hurt them anymore......Thank you for today’s video...love from China💕

[@jeffreystark2687]

You are bright shining star, and I am so thankfu to see that somewhere out there you really do still exist. Your values & integrity help to restore some faith I have lost over the past 20+ years in the mentality of the people your age. I wish that your wholesome personality, beauty, intelligence, & self-discipline could be so contagious that they be the symptoms of our next "Pandemic".....And that everyone would test "POSITIVE". This old world would be such a better place. Don't ever let the evil in this world change you, and give anyone who has had a hand in your upbringing a great big hug for me. You are a true jewel, Darlin'. 😘

[@madeleinepousar]

When I was a teenager I use to think that sometimes people hurt you but you are not suppose to talk about it because then the same people will look at you as a difficult person and pretty much not talk to you again. But of course it always ended up me being sad and letting people often the same people step all over me and hurting me over and over again. Because I felt dependent on those people I just took it and accepted it as my truth. When I was about 20 years old I started to do the opposite because I felt I couldn’t live like that any more. There was some pretty bad reactions to start with but now people around me have to started to realize that’s who I am now and they can take it or leave it. I am being true to myself and that’s the most important to me 😊 Make yourself a priority! I have recently lost a friend over me telling her she hurt me. I was not agressive at all, just honest. But that is life. Those that will stay will stay!

[@ameaity]

You are the elder mature sis of mine that I never had-

[@audreyohara3747]

This needs to be spread to everyone! There are so many people in person and on social media who are very quick to judgement on the actions of others. Online, people are feeling free to castigate those who doesn't share their same opinions. So many people take offence to situations that don't even involve them. This comes at a heavy price where we feel compelled to minimize our personal celebrations for fear of hurting someone else's feelings or starting a confrontation.

[@Luckyyduckyy_]

I feel like I always have to hide my feelings or I always have to make other happy but not myself. I am so sad. This video is eye opening and I am going to be authentic

[@lavendaire]

Vietnamese subtitles are available! Click "CC" and check the video settings. Thank you to the contributor listed in the description 💕

[@alahere]

It's been a few years since I've started to express myself and it feels much better. I'm finding a way to communicate with others that doesn't hurt them as much as possible -choosing my words wisely. Of course there are still times that I make someone sad or feel bad, but I've improved so much. I really liked this video. Thank you Aileen!

[@yitang9486]

I think a great analogy to this effect would be bubble wrapping everything! Like, you are protecting yourself from the people around you and the public. By being authentic you are bursting that bubble wrapping effect, instead, you are wallpapering the world the way you want to create!!

[@safichii]

✨ A little insite tip ✨ If your scared to make the first uncomfortable step to saying what you actually feel, instead of agreeing with other people to not hurt them, start by simply becoming aware of when and how often you do it, over time you can then start by baby steps pushing yourself one by one at saying what you really want to, and become a little closer to your authentic self ❤️

[@nanna_live]

I think it's always best to be your authentic self because that is the most perfect and light version of you. If they get triggered it may help them to see their wound and heal it. It is never your responsibility for others feelings especially when your are your authentic self!❤️🌸

[@ianjerome8243]

I love how I can relate to this 100%. Sucks that I had to always prioritize other people’s feelings over mine. Would try to somehow change my approach on this! Thanks for the reminder 💛

[@syedaazeezfaiza1634]

Oh my god!!! I needed to hear this today . Being authentic,being real I suck at it real bad . I think to much about others feelings .... How can she always come up with such deep real thoughts and topics ... U r doing a fantastic job.. love from India ❤️ 😍😍😍😍🤗

[@SimpLeeBeth]

I am just breaking thru and learning this over the past few years. Being MY Best Self leaves room for others to be THEIR Best Self. Everything is connected. We each have personal agency in every moment. My manipulation of Yin, effects Yang. The more work I take on, for example, the less others are able to take on, or expect to take on, or are expected to take on, or want to take on...or whatever. It ALL matters. I intend to do what I can to do right by MYself...and get the hell out of everyone else's way. If I need help, I hope that I will ask. If others want help, they are responsible for asking. I am not responsible for knowing. I cannot know how another feels unless/until they tell me. I cannot know what has not happened. I don't know what will come of any path I decide to follow. I don't want to live my life filled with assumptions about what others think, want, or feel...or what the future holds. I hope to exercise mindfulness more regularly. One way, would be in the form of a hand-written gratitude log. I find that writing gives me the focus and time to really define what I am specifically grateful for. The more specific I can be, the deeper gratitude I tend to feel. I am grateful for this lesson. I am grateful for this channel and all of the lives it has touched. I grateful to all of the things that did or did not happen to connect me to this video on this day. I am grateful for this world and everyone in it! ❤ xo

[@LangeDeMusique]

Well, this came out at the most perfect time. I was thinking about this yesterday. I feel so fake holding back everything I think and feel out of fear of how others will react. It also makes me doubt the things I think, feel, and believe. I’m ready to find my authentic self and let that part of me come out. I know it won’t be easy, but my husband has done it after 32 years of being a people pleaser/peace maker, now it’s my turn. 😬 Awesome video, thank you for the PSA!

[@SpecialgiftsLA]

Hi Aileen..It's a really great thing to talk about ..being on both ends..I definately thing it's better to be authentic ..going thru a tough period with depression..I was fully aware close people around me were lying about their life and I almost felt like It was more to protect themselves from their inability to accept 'weakness' in people. .Than to consider my feelings..on the contrary it deeply hurt me at the time that they left me out..It came off as deceitful and immature..those who shared their authentic self with me made me anchor into myself and reality ..by being authentic ..I definately agree. It's worth mentioning that I personally think it's possible to be considerate or sensitive while being authentic ..there's a lot of grey area on this . .Because being considerate and sensitive to others is valuable..as long as it's done in good measure..I love that you opened a conversation about this..look forward to more artist of life vlogs

[@johnabraham6995]

It is really important to be yourself because people who love us will love us and people who hate us will,but we should never please them to accept us in their minds. Love you Aileen..... 😘❤❤

[@josilenesena611]

With this video I can saw that I am a pleasent person in my work, cause I've never put my opinion with fear of hurty someone. But now I can see that It is so much important for continue being myself.

[@Tobi-pb2fk]

What a wonderful and important message ! I've grew up with a mindset of pleasing people and now I find difficulties to set healthy boundaries and be my authentic self. So gotta work on myself ! Thank you so much 😜💕

[@sreyminhpov2602]

Me either

[@windelysroman6331]

This video came in the best moment I swear. Legit this is me. I avoid eye contact so people dont think im staring or looking at them wrong. I dont express myself genuinly how I feel/think bc I feel the people around me might think Im a show off or think I live in the clouds. And its not that. I love to learn, read and appreciate everything around me. And so many people are just so negative around me. I am extremely polite and grateful for everything. I always put other people feelings first than myself. I hate "fitting in" just so they can be comfortable around me. At work I barely talk since the conversations are just so toxic around me. I dont want to express myself cause they might make fun of me. I need to change this habit for real. Lavendair THANK YOU bc this was an eye opener for me 💕

[@rayellejohnson9961]

I appreciate videos like these. Older people constantly tell me it’s okay to be the way I am but I am constantly bombarded by my in laws that seem to not like to stir the pot in any way and would rather brush things under the rug. I have asked them several times what is wrong with what I said (as I always have good intentions) and they usually say it’s not what but how… long story short I’ve realized with them it’s simply saying anything at all. But now I have anxiety about it as I interact with moms and don’t want my daughters to be affected if it is true. I broke down today saying I cannot be a fake person. I don’t care how someone is and I’m understanding but I’m genuinely a nice person. So thank you so much for this video and reminding me that I can only control how I respond and simply hope others have a pleasant response but if not it’s due to their perspectives.

[@tsyfitness]

You literally speak to my soul. I signed up for your course and also ordered your planner. I felt so so so so depressed today, even though I spent the entire day drawing (one of my passions). I still felt so empty afterwards. I then decided what the hell and searched "I don't know what to do with my life" on youtube and you landed in my lap. I can't tell you how excited I am to take your course (I already started it)-you started in the same exact position as me. I just graduated, after studying something I absolutely hate (computer science), and even though I had a full time job at a great startup lined up, I declined the offer. I'm now living off my savings, battling depressive episodes daily, and unsure what to do. I really truly hope your course helps me figure that out. It is such a bonus that you're also Asian, because I didn't realize how big of a difference it makes to see an Asian woman succeeding vs. someone of a different ethnicity, because I can relate soooo much more. I've never left a KZbin comment this long before. Wow. I love you thank you. Bless you for all your work and love and care

[@omsthetics]

I actually watched this video when it recently came out, but it didn't really speak to me, then, even though I'm a hardcore people pleaser. however, something happened to me at work yesterday and I was so angry I felt like crying in the middle of the office with a bunch of people around me. I couldn't shake the feeling away even after I got home and I had no idea how to handle my emotion. I didn't know what to do and how to get out of it. After I watched this video again this morning, it was like the light has finally shine the way. It’s not easy feeling all the negative emotions, be it anger, frustration, pain, etc., but it is necessary and I now know what I need to work on. So, thank you so much Aileen!

[@toughsoftieyogi]

I *LOVE* this little chitchat, Aileen!! Thank you SO, SO much. You are always very helpful. Thank you for being your authentic self and thank you for reminding us to be authentic. I'm an empath and I always tend to be too considerate and tend to over-accommodate other people to the point that I get exhausted just being around them. It's tiring to always have to consider other people's feelings and reactions. But thank you for reminding me that they are not my responsibility. That's a *huge* load off my shoulders. Thank you so much! ❤️

[@syakirahwaheeda1959]

I really appreciate you for doing this kind of video. You really help me be the better version of myself. In my real life, there's no one to tell me such things. I grow up with toxic environment. I'm so glad that I still can learn to love and treat myself with the right way by watching your videos❤

I loved this video!! I'm definitely a people-pleaser myself, and I notice that many times I hide my real thoughts so that I don't hurt the people I care about. Also, like you say, I often mute my feelings of happiness or my ambition when I'm in front of people that are not happy with their own lives and get triggered easily. That's definitely something to think about... The truth is that empathy is a blessing and a curse at the same time, you can help many people by being empathic but it can also be a big mental load for yourself. I usually spend too much time worrying about other people's feelings or bad situations, where there's honestly not much that I can do. How can one protect from that? I mean, how can you be less empathic?

[@whitecloudov968]

I loved this video! I worked in customer service for a long time and it exasperated my people pleasing to the point where I lost myself a little bit. I found myself just defaulting to agreeable. Until I agreed to things in conversation that I knew weren’t me. I got out and am slowly working on my default and even got a job where confrontations are inevitable. Cause your right, there is nothing wrong with that. Change and growth is found in the uncomfortable and you are not responsible for others feelings. I wish it just didn’t take me so long to learn this but better late than never I guess.

[@emilygothmann]

Thank you for sharing. It's a great video. I needed this today. I cried today because I cared too much about what my colleagues thought of me. One of them told me that she thought I was rude because I asked her if she was going to dial in a conference call not knowing that she was finishing up her call. I thought I was a terrible person but now I'm like...I didn't do that on purpose and I was just trying to get everyone on the call as soon as possible. There's nothing wrong with it. Why was she offended so easily......People are difficult. I can never please everyone....

[@astronomicalliv]

Just the video I have always need. Thank you aileen. More love, blessings and light come your way 💜 Opinion on being extraconsiderate of others feelings: I think it's important to just be you, be true to who you are and your values but not throw it in the face of others. The problem with people who are extraconsiderate is that they go EXTRA, an extra mile to keep people comfortable when in reality they don't actually have to, and sometimes they just really blow things out of proportion. Sometimes the toxicity they experience is self-inflicted (or at least that's what happened to me). PS: I think, people this days get offended easily, and most influencers, as much as they do actually have the responsibility over their influence, I think some people have place the likes of you in a pedestal. So yeah, shine your light and embrace who you are and be proud of it. PPS: This video is really rich with so much points and I'm going to revisit it whenever I'm attacked with people-pleasing syndrome. Thank you aileen 💜

[@denzelgracedasal1792]

This talk really sums up my feelings.. I feel exhausted in compromising myself everytime for other people. I used to think I am a bad person if I dont feel and act my sympathy to them.

[@BellaEssentialLiving]

You have been hitting everything that's happened to me and shaped me to be "silent" and to care too much about what others think and not be my "authentic self"! You are such an encouragement in every video!! New sub and I look forward to much more help-it has been absolutely freeing! :) Thank you!!

[@mastandstars]

Yes Girl! Yes. Express your joy and live with an open heart. This is SO important

[@crwyon8543]

hi! just wanna say that this has been a wakeup call for me! some people have pointed this out to me.. they told me things like “you’re talking differently around different people” and “why are you making yourself below them”. but i never think of myself as a people pleaser because mostly i do it with people i don’t like/i’m not close with... anw thankyou for this! i’ll try to be my true self and not tiptoeing around people!

[@nicoletastoodley]

I am learning not to be a people pleaser as much, and it is uncomfortable like you said, but at the same time it feels gooood!

[@Lindsweightloss]

Me too, I'm working on that! It feels so good to not have to worry every time about what other's think!

[@theluschmasterinc]

it's so liberating!!

[@oanh_]

This video couldn't have come up at a better time. I'm constantly worried and am being too mindful of others' feelings that I didn't stop to realise that I'm actually being dis-authentic to myself. Thank you Aileen for this video, it's exactly what I need to hear xo ♥️

[@auxhotaru]

Totally heard this from my therapist last year and have been trying to implement this in my life ever since. Really great to hear this reinforced through her lens!

[@mishellbissakonou7545]

i really need you everyday in my life. saying things that can help me be a better person to my own self and make me get out of my comfort zone. thankyou

[@missjulieishh]

im a 100% a people pleaser and empath haha so this video is so relevant to me.. a good reminder! also, loving this purple hair on you aileen!

[@GeGeAngel94]

Thank you so much for posting this! I cried while listening to this because I know I’m guilty of the things you spoke about. I choose not to say things to people because I’d rather spare their feelings. I know that is no way to live your life though. Thank you for explaining this so throughly and sharing your examples. ❤️

[@caroljane8378]

I tend to bottle things and explode later but talking to a therapist in one session she said address things when they arise. It’s been a process but I’ve been trying to put my feelings first instead of putting myself last. Thanks for sharing 🖤

[@mir12326__]

You know you gotta click when your favorite KZbinr uploads a new video. I love you Lavendaire! Thank you for inspiring and motivating me!!❤️

[@thatgirlbrinna7927]

I love this video! I’m a empath and I would always try not to upset or offended Any one! And honestly looking back I didn’t really have personality and I feel like I got looked over a lot because of it. I have always loved fashion and I have always been pretty confident in my body even tho I’m not perfect! But I was hanging around a lot people who were insecure in themselves so I always dimed my light! We would go out and I would never dress or do my makeup the way I wanted to because I didn’t want to offended or make others uncomfortable, but in doing that I lost myself and formed not very authentic relationships! So if anyone is reading this do you! The world needs you to be you! Especially right now because everyone wants to be like everyone else!

[@diviner2347]

Completely agree. I’m still learning to implement this myself because like you, I avoided confrontation or hurting anyone’s feelings. Not so much anymore. Just gotta have to say things in a way isn’t offensive.

[@mauniep6456]

You are so right about the world being your mirror!! I used to ask my boyfriend why he wasn’t going after his dreams and doing what he loved. I would get so frustrated. Ummm... HELLO!! I realized, I’m not going after my dreams and doing what I love either!! EYE OPENER

[@Jade-wb6fd]

Also called fawning. I used to use the fawn response because I hate confrontation and conflict. But now I’m trying to learn to set boundaries so I can stand up for myself instead of being a people pleaser or being silent because like you said silence won’t change anything

[@nippiepixels]

I needed this. I can relate so much with not wanting to talk to friends about them hurting you because you don’t want to hurt them. I get triggered by a friend from work (just her presence triggers me most of the time) because she has hurt me multiple times with the things she has said. And before, I thought maybe she’s right but now I realize that I don’t deserve hearing the hurtful and unreasonable things she’s said to me about me (yup, indirectly insulting me to my face). She doesn’t do that anymore (maybe she’s realized things) but I get triggered. I just can’t move on. You know that saying, “I can forgive but I can’t forget.” I want to talk to her but I also don’t want her to get hurt. And this video confuses me because I don’t want to sacrifice my positivity for the sake of other people but I am also the person who gets triggered. 🤯😓

[@Nemztey]

Thanks for that video. I used to be someone who was considerate and give in a lot. One day, I felt being taken for granted and decided to stop being considerate and give in. I started to prioritise myself more and I realise these people stop connecting with me. I feel sad initially. But.. As time goes by, I feel good to be myself and learn to say no or people pleasing. My take away is that True friends won’t need you to say yes and to please them all the time.

[@S1r3nc0r33]

‘Pain is necessary for growth❤️’ This really stuck with me from your video because as an empath myself its often VERY difficult for me to put myself first! The question i Have though is at which point do you cut a person off based on their reaction? How do we deal with the discomfort coming from the conflict we might create because its really scary sometimes lol, Thank you so much for this video! Sending love and light!❤️✨

[@lynnicecarter1210]

Thank you for this video. Right on time. I went thru a situation today at work were I apologized for my response to a decision that was made that hurt my feelings. The people pleaser in me didn’t want to hurt their feelings regardless of how I felt. I’m a repeat offender. I’ve avoided being true to the feelings that I feel at the moment just so I won’t hurt someone else’s feelings. U are hitting points left and right for me. Thank you Aileen 🥰💗

[@newenglandfineliving]

Wow, perfect timing that this popped up, I'm a subscriber and love your channel. As an intuitive empath, my husband is constantly telling me that I need to focus on my feelings, my thoughts, my plan, vs others. I'm always concerned that what I say or produce might not work for everyone. I know... I can't please everyone, but I try and that has hindered my creativity or if there is a "creative" comment, it can attach to my soul whether sad or scolding if I truly believe it was not a troll. I heard in one of your videos that if there is some truth to the comment it does sink in a bit more (paraphrased of course ;-). At 54, I'm still working on how to live my life and not "theirs".

[@vanessab3013]

Yes. I love this message and I think it’s super important, especially now a days. I’m someone who has no problem sharing my opinion, and while I do think we should be considerate of others, I don’t think we should neglect our true selves or our personal truths in order to make them feel comfortable. Thank you 🙌🏽

[@heyyy1325]

omg I relate to this so much, im an empath and tbh I'm fake to everyone around me. I'm not my real self to ANYONE at all, not my family, not my friends, just myself. I'm scared for them to not accept me or find me weird or them to be offended by me being me. So I just adopt a different personality to each person I'm talking to and adjust my actions, feelings, personality, words, etc to how the person would be satisfied to see them. To please everyone. But I never end up pleasing myself. People may call me two-faced and fake but I know there's much more to it. I'm so glad u posted this video aileen, I'm so grateful that you're helping so many people, including me, and helping them grow and understand themselves. Thank you for everything, I hope everything is well for you! ♡

[@Andyksounds]

Such clarity Aileen, thank you. This is a real insight, that we are unconsciously saying to others they can't be responsible for thier reality/emotions/triggers etc. If we indulge thier belief we are the ones to be responsible for thier reality/emotions/triggers.

[@biancalee5034]

Stumbled upon this video as I was having a very anxious evening. Thank you for this pep talk. It helped me so much

[@tempa04]

Wow, this is what I've needed to hear for years!! I've felt like I've been living small for too long, thank you xx

[@viviennecooper1361]

So on point! Was stuck in that mode for so long. Now learning these lessons. Empaths have to train themselves constantly. Thank you!🌹

[@lifepaholic716]

This video is on point, we are only humans! As human we supposed to feel things, be happy, get hurt, feel sad etc and learn things based on our own experience. But others like to see it as your wrong because this is how you supposed to feel and say things based on their opinion and experience. But we are all individual and we are all unique as an individual we do not supposed to feel the same or go through the same things, because we are here to learn different things from each other, if we are all the same from one another, we will not learn anything from each other.

[@dinarbaiterekova3069]

I love you so much dear Lavendaire (Aileen 💕) Thank you for this video. I’m happy person, couple ppl around me always complaining for everything and sad, they used to ask me -“why are you always happy don’t you see that I’m sad?”, so I tried to be sad with them, past 4 yrs I became introvert unhappy, complaining person, wow now I’m separated from them healing my wounds transforming my mind to better version of myself❤️Keep inspiring us, u r amazing 🌺

[@ritika4513]

Thank you Aileen. I really need to hear this. When you really care too much for others it is always you who suffers the most. Now i guess universe is telling me to stop doing this. Lots of love 😊

[@alexcwilsonwellness]

This is exactly what I've been working on in the last year. I used to hold myself back from my own authenticity so much that there was a point where I didn't even know who I was anymore. All your videos are so good. I've been binging! Thank you for doing what you do.

[@maliahstark]

Wow! Thank you so much, Aileen! I really need to hear this. I've been bothered for a couple of weeks. Honestly, I am in the midst of stepping out on my comfort zone and showing who I really am. Yet, there are some people who're shocked and sad about it. I contemplated and accepted my mistakes. As what you've said, don't be afraid to be uncomfortable, I guess I'm just super uncomfortable with this gradual shift of showing who I really am and what I really wanna do. I know, I hurt her feelings. But it is necessary for growth. I am really excited to see her restoration. I really miss her. I know, time will come that things will be unraveled and our relationship will be much better. Thank you for this. It literally helped me a lot.

[@lavendaire]

so glad it could help ❤️

[@sawdarchitects4803]

I am a very codependent and people pleasing person and its affecting my life now, thank you for this, I think you are awesome

[@hannieshouse4959]

I do care too much about others, it’s time to learn to prioritise myself. Thanks Aileen:)

[@lesleytan6791]

I have felt this way for a long time! I'm so relieved to hear someone talk about this

[@LivyBennet]

I was having conflits with my ex bestfriend last year because she would get hurt by my accomplishments, she would imitate me and envy me atender everything I did. I got so mad when I confronted her and she pretended nothing was happening. So I stopped talking to her. Now that I'm more mature I see that I should have been more assertive about how she made me feel behaving that way. I was talking about this with one of my friends this morning and now you post this. 😍 Such syncronicity! Thank you, Aileen! You're on point as always! 😘

[@delsiodagraca5481]

Let’s shine to the fullest because one’s shine will never dim other’s in any constellation, each star shines its way, that’s why constellations are so gorgeous...

[@Nina21_]

Thank you so much Aileen for this precious advice ! i am acually the type of person you used to be & described so i really needed to hear this ! i want to be my authentic self without having to hold myself back just to avoid hurting the people i love ! they should learn to accept & respect my choices & opinions ! (and i'm gonna bear with the pain and discomfort/awkward feeling until it fades away..)

[@tomomi8861]

I totally understand what you mean. I had muted my happiness and myself so that I can fit in a group. But once I learned to be myself, I get used to the idea. This is a great video.

[@veggiemegroll9220]

I can definitely relate to this! I have social anxiety so the moment I get to work it’s like something in my mind clicks where I won’t really talk all day until I get home or are with certain coworkers I like, but I’m trying to get better about it

[@naturalistic2916]

That's true. Being open minded, free spirit is a good practice to explore life more. Accepting different kind of human personalities is interesting. But sometimes I lose myself, my true self. In my opinion I had felt, mostly people are close mindset, they don't accept others easily, maybe they have high ego or limited perception. They don't think deep. Nowadays I'm figuring out to empty my mind, freeing from thoughts, restricted beliefs , judgments or tags instead, accept the present moment and Just flow with reality. Thank you Lavendair, this content is very helpful for self development. 🖤🎇

[@mcee555]

Can you do a video on personal boundaries please? Thanks! x

[@KathleenLouisseQAchas]

I really needed these kinds of words to establish a better mindset these days! Thank you so much for this video, Aileen! 🤗❤

[@lorenbrand]

Great video! Sometimes I've been too considerate about other people's feelings and a few times not considerate enough. I think it's a process of getting to know yourself and working out if your behaviour meets your own standards in different situations. Sometimes I feel my standards need to be lowered or raised to allow for my own needs. Anyway, in general, we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves for not getting it right. It's a lifelong process!

[@SilohSC]

Thank you for doing this video. It made me realize that this is something I do and that it does hold me back from being fully authentic. You're a very bright woman and you seem to have a very kind and beautiful soul and I respect that. 🙂

[@xiaojuntete1187]

Thank you for saying this, it’s hard to admit it and trying to change your habits at first but once you do it feels amazing and feel lighter ☺️

[@luzflores6016]

I'm a PSA and this video really gives me so many light because I always struggle finding the balance between my feelings and people's feelings. Thank you so much Truly , I love you ♥️♥️♥️

[@scotts1409]

100% TRUE! How did a young lady get such wisdom! It took me YEARS to learn this. This is one of the best videos you have ever done.

[@SR-ye5ye]

Hello Aileen ! I'm just so glad to hear that now... Just now, my friend did something that hurt me a little bit and I sent him a message to say gently why it hurt me. He still has not answered to the message. I know he avoids conflicts, but as you say, for him , for myself, for our relationship, I needed to tell him that. I need to be honnest, so I can truly live as I am. Thank you Aileen for all the work you do constantly. That helps me a lot, and I'm not the only one. :)

[@Lindsweightloss]

know that you are not alone :)

[@imannechoi]

I am grateful to have a close circle of people that I can be truly authentic with them. Although the advice in this video does not apply to me and my relationship with my friends, I see it applying to my relationship with my parents...