Autism Disclosure - A Guide for Telling Others About Your Diagnosis

[@somethingfromnothing8428]

I found that when i told my manager at work about being autistic she just laughed at me and told me im not autistic and when i tried to talk to my parents about it they dismissed me being autistic because i dont have severe learning disibilities. So far the reality i’ve found is that the general public assumes all autistic people are basically “spastics” and “thick” and that those of us without learning disabilities are just making it up and exaggerating

[@cda6590]

This is why I carry a copy or two of my diagnosis around with me wherever I go. Plus, being a slightly-overweight white boy helps. Only gotten the "Well you don't *look* autistic" trope once

[@somethingfromnothing8428]

@@cda6590 i get “well you could never tell” alot as well

[@gonnfishy2987]

Oh heck, this is a familiar experience for many, many aspie/asd people.

[@Psychobellic]

lol even my psychiatrist took like 3 months to believe in the diagnosis haha

[@colorvision7]

Unfortunately you are correct.

[@michaelandrews5771]

I was diagnosed with autism late at the age of 47 which was about 9 years ago now. I was having trouble at work I became very ill and I guess I burned out. My employer at the time was the NHS. When I started working for the NHS they were aware of my sensory impairments and it was discussed at my pre-start interview with occupational health. I was given the flexibility required which enabled me to do my job. Everything was going very well. I even had a certificate for 100% attendance. I had successive changes of management without any problem. Then 9 years into my job, the longest I had ever been in a job, I had another change of management and they took away the flexibility that worked so well. I became very ill which resulted in me being off sick for 12 months. I was being bullied by the new management which made my illness worse. It was suspected then that I had autism. My GP put me forward for a diagnosis. She said that if I had an official diagnosis doors would open. I felt this was a turning point in my life and that for once, now I had this label, my life would get better. My GP repeatedly gave my managers advice on adjustments that I needed which were the same requirements that were agreed when I first started working for the NHS. My employers occupational health repeatedly advised my managers on the same approach but were ignored. All I wanted was support for my sensory impairments which they were aware of from the beginning. Autism is just a label. I was made redundant after 12 years service and I have not had a job since. There were no doors. Just brick walls and all because of a label.

[@OddWoz]

Unfortunately this is all too common. Most people upon learning diagnosis immediately conclude that working with you is just “too much hassle” without having even attempted. That’s like someone being laid off their job only because their doctor put lifting restrictions on you, yet the restrictions don’t interfere with the job in anyway-they let you go just because there are restrictions and you are different. Their perception of people with autism(or many other ND people) is that it’s just one more thing they have to think about and therefore keeping you is “more mentally taxing” than letting you go. No thought is given to the benefits your employment could provide, instead only fearing their stereotypes of certain people and the challenges that MAY come with them. Neurotypical people can often be far more challenging and wildly dramatic, but these challenges are familiar to them so they more easily accept those.

[@ObraumDziemniaka]

I am struggling with my health and pain and it knocked me off work. I was IT help desk struggling with phone calls baddly. I suspected that I might be autistic for years, but when my autoimmune desease hit me I felt like I am just crowling from day to day until I could not wake up from bed. I tried to make my GP send me for autism assesment while dealing with other stuff. He refused. Instead he sent me for therapist to treat depression. I waited half a year. Finally when I got it the therapist kicked me out after 2 sessions with annotation urging GP to send me autism assesment. She said that she is not trained in autistic people and she will not help me. It took another 2 months to make GP to register me for assesment. Waiting time is 2-3 years. They wasted 8 months of my life. Maybe label does not help, but on the other hand if somebody is not able to give you flexible working, it will not work for you anyway.

[@captainchaos3053]

This sounds like a shaggy dog story. If there is any truth in this at all you would not need to work because the settlement from the NHS would keep you quite comfortable for the rest of your working life and maybe we'll beyond.

[@michaelandrews5771]

@@captainchaos3053 Not many (if any) tribunal cases against an organization like the NHS with their expensive lawyers are successful. The advice given to me was to move on also given my state of mind at the time. The whole experience made me very ill. I very nearly died. I suppose the worst outcome for me would have been the tribunal deciding that it was all in my head and that I imagined the whole thing. You never get over the experiences that I went through they will live with me forever. Whether the advice I was given at the time was right is debatable. You could also read The Kennedy Review Chapter V that described the management at that trust as dysfunctional. There were many cases of bullying and staff frightened to speak out. That is the case throughout the NHS. But of course, as you say that's all in my head. I just imagined the whole thing. That is the hardest challenge for me when I read comments like yours that claim that I got it all wrong and what I experienced never happened. Like my autism does not exist. Which is why I suffer in silence.

[@BRW1965]

@@michaelandrews5771 I'm surprised that you have been so gracious in your reply to this dismissive idiot. Of course you were illegally discriminated against, they broke employment law. But yeah, taking them on legally and getting justice (either financial or not) is almost impossible. Good luck to you in for hopefully brighter future.

[@csebesta84]

I got diagnosed today. I told my dad, and he said that he loves me no matter what and he never thought there was anything wrong with me. He said I was his first child and he didn’t know any different. He said he knew my sister and I acted differently growing up, but that we are different people and attributed it to that.

[@gonnfishy2987]

Having attempted a few times to engage in “dating” , my experience is that it IS just a series of lies and facades that are presented to you; if you are liked for long enough, these lies and facades might be revealed, one by one, layer by layer... often this casual deceit itself is enough to resent or fear being close to the person, be disgusted; sometimes you might discover the person you began getting to know is someone very different from their “truer” self. I will accept “companionship” only. Don’t really know what love is anyhow. Special interests are FAR MORE IMPORTANT

[@0xsergy]

isn't that what being a human is? Also, 10:35 apparently autistic people do the same. It's just a human trait methinks, present a better image etc.

[@turtleanton6539]

Yes

[@gonnfishy2987]

The first time i began living with someone i wasn’t in a close relationship with, who I understand to be neurotypical, i had “the discussion” and disclosed within a month. People usually read my ND traits without disclosure, but stating the exact truth is another thing. I was stunned. My housemate listened to me, did not “comment” or change the way we interacted; he even kept to his own room and let me have a meltdown to myself; no gawking, freaking out, no phone camera or anything. I’d pre-briefed him that meltdown and burnout happens; I’m just emerging from burnout now. But he has just not cared. Maybe he does not care, maybe he is sympathetic... The experience of having an NT just “not go weird” about it is new and makes me feel less awkward. So, it can happen- you might never expect, sometimes “ultra stable/normal people” CAN “get it”. I think my pre-briefing strategy was really important. Would this work with an employer? Sadly, they care. Asset or liability, that’s what the care is. 🌻

[@BeastBishop]

I was diagnosed with a “learning disability” as a child in the 1980s. It was only when I started developing software for ABA therapy that the diagnoses hit home.

[@atura5502]

As soon as I figured out I‘m autistic I told my boss. It improved my work relatiinship and I was able to improve our comunicatiion since I had a lot of trouble with that.

[@naturalistmind]

I was diagnosed with Asperger's in the first grade and this hasn't been a problem for me because I'm aromantic and asexual the issue is usually with other people thinking I need a relationship.

[@Margate2535]

Thanks Orion, I’m newly diagnosed (finally!) and just about to disclose to my employer of many years, and your video has given me more confidence ❤️ Let’s see how their “non-biased culture” and “neurodiversity is a good thing” rhetoric goes in practice…

[@orionkelly]

Good luck.

[@captainchaos3053]

Why bother.

[@martinhughes007]

I have no problem disclosing, but I find that most people don't understand autism - they tell me "Oh I don't know what that is." It's worth disclosing if there's time to explain how being autistic might impact the present moment or situation.

[@EMILY4DAYS]

I find that nearly everyone has an idea of what they think autism is, and it's very rarely accurate or complete. This includes professionals who diagnose and encounter autistics.

[@martinhughes007]

@@EMILY4DAYS that’s interesting (and thank you for your comment 😊 -how do you conclude that someone who has a professional diagnosis, isn’t actually autistic? Is it your personal view or do you have another way of coming to that conclusion?

[@EMILY4DAYS]

@@martinhughes007 speaking as an autistic - I do not come across many that really get it, mostly some stereotype or inaccurate ideas they have, to include many professionals who supposedly understand and diagnose autism, unless I am speaking with a professional that is thorough and current with information about autism, or another autistic. I know so many other women that would have *never* been diagnosed had they not pursued it themselves. The judgement, even the seemingly innocent, "Oh, I'd have NEVER guess THAT about you!" is pervasive. To include all of the psychiatrists that continue to misdiagnose it. Now one of my sons is autistic, and no one ever even questions that because he fits their stereotype and is male. The way my initial comment was interpreted also reminds me of common things that are said about ASD, "Everyone's a little autistic." No, they don't understand it, but most people already have an idea or stereotype of what that means to them. It's hardly ever neutral or positive. That's all.

[@martinhughes007]

@@EMILY4DAYS, that's a great reply. Thank you for taking the time and thought to write it 😊

[@apburner]

I just found your channel yesterday. And thank you. I watched the 20 autistic adult traits and checked off the majority. I am today working on finding a group that can check me. I have been married for 46 years and my wife is very supportive. I have had meltdowns at inopertune times and she has gotten me home. What a lovely person she is. Anyway thank you.

[@joannarigby1989]

This is a really useful video for me. I am 36 and self diagnosed as autistic. I have low care needs and that’s why I’ve not gone for an official diagnosis (also I can’t afford it 😢). My husband of 15 years knows I’m ‘quirky’ and ‘stubborn’ and socially awkward. I want to ‘come out’ as autistic to him, now I’ve finally realised that’s what it is. However im a little anxious to his reaction. I will have to educate him about autism, I know he has some misinformation about what it is (like most NT people I think) and I don’t want to feel misunderstood. It’s intimidating to tell him, as I feel I have to explain so much about what it is, and convince him that that’s what I am. As to disclosing it to anyone else…so far I don’t feel the need, but I do want to meet some autistic people who I can relate to and who will know about my diagnosis. Anyway, I’ve rambled on for ages, basically I just wanted to thank you for all your content and information on this channel 🙏🏼

[@martinhughes007]

I would always disclose to an employer during interview , because I've chosen to only go where I'm celebrated, not tolerated. Maybe a topic for discussion, but that's my preference.

[@orionkelly]

Great point. Some may not have that option though.

[@isimonsez]

One thing I’ve found to be common among a lot of people on the spectrum, so many are initially misdiagnosed with other mental disorders and are diagnosed with ASD late in life

[@amberdiane4486]

Being true to yourself enables you to surround yourself with people who truly love you for who you are. If people want to leave, let them. They will often come back after a while. Especially in dating. I’ve had someone text me a year after I disclosed. He had dumped me with a lie, because he was too scared to admit that it scared him that I’m autistic. He came back after a year and said that he doesn’t want to be lead by his own misconceptions. In the end it was his loss, because I moved on. I’ve also had a longterm relationship end because I got my diagnosis during it. He felt he was betrayed by me because I hid my autism for so long. If I didn’t get diagnosed I would have never realized that I was in a relationship with someone who didn’t love me. My parents also struggle the most with my diagnosis. All I can do is love myself. And try to provide myself with a life that positively contributes to my social, mental and physical wellbeing. I’m not responsible for other people’s opinions or actions towards me. All I can do is try to connect with other autistics and learn about myself and try to advocate for myself. It’s a full time job.

[@orionkelly]

Totally agree.

[@emmettobrian1874]

There was a section that asked "do you have a disability" on the application for my current job. I said no because it's an easy way to silently eliminate me as an applicant. Even if the organization has good intentions for putting the checkbox there, an individual manager could quietly ignore my application.

[@marthamurphy3913]

I agree. The fact that they should do something doesn't mean they will. It's always an unequal power situation.

[@hameley12]

@emmettobrian1874 I have done the same thing. Every time I have to fill out an application I always check off "No" As soon as I have a foot in the door, and we are face to face, if they have any questions that's when I tell them. Then I get the "But you don't look or sound Autistic" Whether I get hired or sent off, at least they got to know me and they know the skills I possess. Once, at least once, a company had ten people myself included go through 3 sessions of interview/training/ shadowing. Until a few of us were hired and given our hats and a vest with the company's logo. That job lasted me a year and paid really well.

[@chong2389]

The danger with that is that it could be viewed as lying on your resume, which is grounds for dismissal.

[@emmettobrian1874]

@@chong2389 Maybe? Once employed, I've never had an employer go back and look at my application. Two arguments that could be made is that I don't ask for accommodations (which is sad, but also a self defense strategy) so am I "disabled?" The second argument is that I can't get fired from a job I was never hired for. In other words, I disclose my diagnosis, I don't get hired. I don't disclose, I get hired. If they're looking to fire me, at least I got hired in the first place.

[@whitneymason406]

The last time I worked I didn't have a diagnosis so I've often thought about this for when both kids are in school and I return to the workforce. I was married and had both my kids prior to my diagnosis. My husband, my family and my friends have all been really supportive since getting it and fir that I'm very grateful. When we moved to our new house, which has shares walls with our neighbors, we did disclose our son's diagnosis with them. He has frequent, loud, and sometimes violent meltdowns. We've been very fortunate both neighbors are really understanding.

[@orionkelly]

Great example of the benefits of disclosure.

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

10 seconds in 🤣 Yep, I dig your sense of humour 😂🤣

[@whitneymason406]

right?! 🤣

[@andreaharmon8931]

He's fun stuff and insightful, real, and helpful.

[@brickellvoss7739]

I am so happy your videos exist. They explain things for me, but I'm happy its their for our younger people on the spectrum. I need someone like this in my life growing up. I wouldn't have been so confused and hopeless. I'm going great now, but I missed out on a childhood but that wasn't all because of my autism.

[@davidlanier7006]

Very good topic. I was diagnosed late in life three years ago. I'm also really not sure who I should tell about my ASD and ADHD. I've told a few friends that I'm autistic, they seem to handle it better than anyone in my family, but neither group really handles it well. A couple of my friends don't want to believe it. My family believes it but they also treat me like an idiot at times. I can't imagine telling anyone at work. My job would most likely find a way to get rid of me if they knew. Even someone from disability services at my university labeled me as mentally ill recently, which seems pretty pathetic if you think about it. Considering all that, and the fact that so called normal people always insist on us operating within their reality, I'm highly reluctant to tell anyone about myself now.

[@pscully608]

My opinion on disclosure - My biggest problems and fear/anxiety from my autism are the simple barriers of communication and being misunderstood. Because of that, I tend to give other people the benefit of the doubt (that I'm misunderstanding something) and ask for more clarification rather than assume my first read of a situation is the correct one. In disclosing my diagnosis, I simply ask that the other party at least try to do the same for me. It's a problem too often even among neurotypical people in society to jump to conclusions rather than give another person the benefit of the doubt (at least until clarification is provided), so focusing on that particular aspect could only be a net positive for everyone involved.

[@Laz3rCat95]

My viewpoint on each: Dating: I can understand not telling someone on the first date, but I think you should definitely tell someone who you believe you could possibly date long term, and probably doing so kinda early on would be preferable. If someone rejects you for being autistic, then they're not the right people for you anyway, good riddance. Your dating partner should like you for you. Family & Friends: Friends are a similar sort of situation to dating partners I think. In both situations you are choosing to establish and maintain that relationship with them, and again they should like you for you so if they have a problem with you being autistic, it's better if they're not your friends anyway. Family I think is where things can be more complicated because of that guilt you mentioned, but I think it's all about how you go about communicating the information to them. If your family is important to you, I think it's important that you tell them. Employment: I really think it depends on the situation. I personally would only disclose it if the autism was affecting how I do my job and I needed accommodations pertaining to it. But yeah, I agree you should definitely at least wait until after you've been employed. I don't think it does you any good to disclose it during the hiring process. Sure, hiring discrimination based on disability is illegal, but the law unfortunately can't guarantee that it won't happen to you. They can always claim to have some other reason for not hiring you even if that was secretly the reason. Education: Similar to the employment thing, I think it really depends on your situation. Again, I would personally only disclose it if the autism was affecting my ability to achieve academic goals and I needed accommodations pertaining to it. And likewise, I would only tell the school after I am already enrolled, not during the application process. For the same reason as I wouldn't tell employers during the hiring process. They could always claim to have some other reason for rejecting you even if that was secretly the reason. But once you're enrolled, you're safe from being kicked out so long as you pass your classes and don't violate their policies, so you're in a more secure position to disclose if you need to. One added benefit of the university setting is that you don't necessarily have to tell all of your professors about your specific disability. All you need to do to get accommodations is disclose it to the staff at your university's disability support center and then they'll set the terms of the accommodations with you. Once you've done that, all the professors need to know is what accommodations you need; they don't need to know the specifics of why you need them. As long as you've reported a valid diagnosis to the disability support staff at the university, the professors are legally obligated to give you the accommodations regardless of what they know or don't know about your disability.

[@ChristopherWoodwardcwd]

Discovered your channel this week as a result of some recent issues at my work. My team leader commented that I had been a bit rude in response to her answer on a certain query, I couldn't recall saying ANYTHING that could be considered rude and was taken aback to hear she was upset, so I told her I thought she was making a fuss about nothing. The higher manager the next day had a word with me about this, calling it a 'complaint' from her, my NATURAL REACTION was to be sighing, huffing and puffing at the news I had a complaint (because I CARE), he then commented on this saying this is 'not acceptable in a professional environment'. Managers need to understand, that being told of a complaint can be devastating for someone autistic, especially when they cannot even understand how they could have upset someone simply because of something IMPLIED not said explicitly....and therefore need to accept that autistics likely WILL huff and puff and may have a meltdown on hearing such bad news, and NOT ADD FUEL TO THE FIRE by taking issue on your 'behavior' in reaction to hearing you're had a complaint or made a serious mistake. Autism in the workplace is a big topic, and unfortunately not resources written by professionals only scratch the surface on generic issues and don't go deep into what does through an autistics mind in work situations. Loving your work btw!

[@PLPCPLAPD]

To be honest, when it comes to dating, if she won't give me the benefit of the doubt because of prejudice and incompetence, she was NEVER gonna deserve me to begin with, so I tend to disclose it just as early as with any other new person in my life.

[@marthaneale2434]

During the application process for jobs (back in 2018-19 here in Melbourne, Australia) I found a question in the initial application that bothered me a lot. It turned up frequently in both office positions and sales staff positions. It stated that you had to disclose any health or medical diagnoses that would have any impact on you performing the tasks associated with the job you were applying for (including your ability to work in a team or how you would fit into the work environment) and, if it was discovered later that you hadn't answered this question honestly enough from their point of view, you would be immediately dismissed from that position. Consequently, if I gave them the information they requested (insisted on receiving) I wouldn't even get to the interview stage. And this was before I was diagnosed with autism.

[@hellomiakoda3782]

I'vr becone really open with it. If someone has an issue with autism, they can go away. I ran out of energy to deal with allistic BS, so I just weed that out fast.

[@jaidenoliver7165]

I've lost an interview before because i seemed rude and didn't make eye contact. Was frustrating finding that out and wondered if telling them at the start would have helped. Though it could also feel like I'm trying to force my way in so they don't get in trouble for discrimination

[@Autisticheather]

I was fired for my job for my autistic qualities. But I didn't find out I was autistic until after I was fired. I explained to my boss my diagnosis. She did not give a shit. I was fired for not following her rules. Her rules were to not "over communicate" with the parents (im a teacher). Don't tell them more than they" need to know" Like that I exposed their kids to covid, or confirming that a child was being bullied... and hit. I also couldn't change my plans at the last minute when she required us to the day before work. Which had to do with taking a covid test at work when she asked us to get our own test. I was negative. I didn't come to the work day because my coteacher was out of town and I couldn't work without her. Unfortunately all of these things happened together AND I tested positive for covid the next day. How on earth can I prove that all of those actions were because of my neurodivergent way of thinking. Logical, communicative, honest, high morals...? They can ALWAYS say they fired you for something other than autism

[@viisaus5747]

Thank you for your videos. I'm a woman who received fairly late autism diagnosis (at my early 20's) and only due to developing an eating disorder. Since then I've created a career in programming and I absolutely love my job, but I struggle a lot on the social side of it.

[@tmusa2002]

My daughter was diagnosed at 7 and my PET PEAVE is when people (it’s been family members) say, “I didn’t want to say anything, but I could tell something was going on…” etc. What good does that do anybody? What am I supposed to respond? If you couldn’t say something then, why bother now? Just so annoying. Also…DUH, did it cross their mind that her parents also thought something “didn’t seem right”? How do you think the diagnosis came to be? I just try to dismiss them because they are not Einstein, although they seem to think they are. 😡

[@orionkelly]

Totally understand your frustration.

[@deborahcavel-greant6155]

I have a couple of comments, well, maybe more. (Ha!) First, Orion, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for your videos! There's a business man in our town whose company builds custom software. He hires *only* autistic people. He says he values their focus, their attention to detail and their enjoyment of the work. I'm the mother of two now middle-aged men, one diagnosed with ADHD at the age of two, and the other, now in his mid 50s, just diagnosed within the last couple of years. I've watched both struggle, while we had practically no support or resources available. Despite their challenges they are both well-adjusted and productive members of society. But in the last two years their old mother has felt like life has come crashing down around her. Through some miracle I stumbled on your video about autism in women and it was much like being hit in the forehead with a mallet. I found a psychologist who tests and treats primarily autistic women and learned I score very high on the autism scale. I've never fit in, as hard as I try. It doesn't take long before any new friendship kind of dribbles away. I've told my sons about my diagnosis, I'm not certain I'll tell anyone else. There's no one else to tell.

[@DashValkyrie]

with the job application stuff, there might be jobs where part of the criteria is a lived experience of disability, that's where I can envision it being a good idea to disclose. some forms for job applications ask if you have a disability and/or require adjustments to the process. that's a bit harder to navigate since it can really help if they know their stuff and are willing to provide adjustments, or it can hurt your chances if HR/the hiring manager think it's gonna be "too hard" to accommodate you.

[@BScraycraycatldy]

I disclosed my AuDHD to my government health department job. My boss said I should "apply for NDIS, so someone could take me to the shops on the weekend. " Other key staff such as facilitators also made comments like, "we're all on the spectrum, you just want to hide behind a label, you don't need extra help." What hope did I have to advocate for myself? It was like talking to a brick wall. Plus, they were pushing me into higher roles that I didn't want to do and wasn't even asked. I'm very hard working and always keeping busy, but they didn't see just how hard I was working under it all. My executive dysfunction wouldn't allow me to fulfil the roles even if I was interested. Even though they have departments for diversity/inclusivity and equal opportunity employers etc, I wasn't able to access any support. I had to basically defend my ability to do my job and "not appear impaired" (advice given by union) in meeting with my mgr, executives, HR and union. It was traumatic, I no longer work for them.

[@ChristinewithaC]

You have a great deal of wisdom, Orion! I love that you are willing to be venerable and share your own experiences to help others! God bless you!

[@PLPCPLAPD]

I'm always up front about being autistic (I may not remember to say it nor may I find it appropriate the first time we meet, but I will if we keep interacting), but pretty much nobody knows what it means and they seem to have quite a few prejudices so it actually doesn't seem to help with getting understanding at all lol. Even at work where the state subsidizes my paycheck by 50% due to the adjustments I require in order to function (simple tasks with few steps to complete that I can get into a flow with, longer breaks etc), and I am completely transparent about my diagnosis, some people such as my direct boss seem unable to grasp their head around the concept, yet I am the one they view as mentally challenged; kinda feels like they simply see me as intellectually disabled and I usually play along because I just want to fly under the radar and not have to deal with the neurotypicals unless I absolutely have to.

[@stevedryden803]

I definitely like your exposure

[@ShadowPanda722]

Pre-enlightened 😂 I love that.

[@mortyblink8355]

Amen. God bless you, brother. Amen

[@sueannevangalen5186]

I'm worried about my boys' education. They are both diagnosed autistic (one before starting school, the other his first year of school, just last April). The older one is non-speaking and is in a "life skills" program at school (which is different from the other kids -- he's in the same classroom with them but he doesn't do the work they do) even though he has not been diagnosed with any co-occuring learning disability. His younger brother speaks but he's like me: he speaks a lot more at home than he does at school. I'm hoping when he learns to write, he'll be able to show them what he's capable of. When I was in school, that was how my teachers knew I was smart: because of my written work. They nagged me constantly to "participate" in class (for some reason "participate" means "talk" -- I'll never understand why listening is not a valid way to participate in class). But my oldest does not yet have the fine motor skills to write. So if he does understand what's being taught in class, he has no way of showing it, in any of the traditional ways at least. I'm just worried that his academic abilities have been dismissed too soon and I'm worried that his younger brother is going to have the same thing happen to him because he's been diagnosed now. We disclosed his diagnosis immediately (that same day last April) so that he could have the support of an Education Assistant (EA) in the classroom, which he needs for his own safety (he wanders). Does anyone else have any experience with this? I mean, I don't know what my oldest is capable of when it comes to academics. I don't even know how to find out, and I don't want either of them to be dismissed as incapable of learning what the other kids are learning because of their diagnoses.

[@orionkelly]

Advocate for each child individually when concerns arise.

[@rachelann9362]

I dont know what its like from a dating perspective. My husband was a good friend first. He’s not autistic himself (at least as far as i can tell.) he is however very introverted. Small talk bores him to tears, and he does acknowledge he masks (he uses a different phrase. So he understands a lot more than many. He is also a very blunt, direct person. I actually thought he was an asshole when I first met him! But I just wasn’t used to something being blunt and direct. My ex before was a big, big gaslighter and would in effect infantilize and patronize, along with criticizinng-my parents were the same way. Anyway. My husband and I were driving somewhere and he brings up that he thinks I might be autistic. I had already been looking into it for the previous year and was active in some autistic-led groups on Facebook. It has helped HIM to acknowledge and confirm that. It explains a lot of things that he was taking personally--like my aversion to touch while I’m dealing with autism burnout and/or pain. I’m not officially diagnosed, but there’s very few things that I don’t resonate with. I have not mentioned it to any one else, but honestly.. anyone else is not involved in my day to day life. My husband is, and he knows, and I know.. so for now that’s enough for me. If I go back to work (I’m 38), then I do think I will disclose from the outset. I don’t do well in interviews, and it’s really because masking just brings out my anxious, dodgy nervous self because of past trauma. I want acceptance, not tolerance.

[@skorpikovamaruska]

When my friend told me he Autistic, its nothing change for me. Or I was mby sad, bcs my opinion is, all ppl should be Autistic, his thinking is beautiful, pure, I want only Autistic friends, they awesome :))

[@windalfalatar333]

This is a good video!! It's true. I usually just blurt it out and spill my guts at an extremely early stage. It's just like when I meet U.S. Americans I usually blurt out quite early that I'm a Communist. That way, in either case, I don't have to spend time on people, and they don't have to spend time on me, if it's later on going to be a deal-breaker anyway. Just like what you said about dating. So I immediately tell everybody at work, prospective dates and others about being autistic. My parents I told immediately when I had got the diagnosis. They both seemed saddened by the fact that I was autistic, but I was contrastingly elated from just having learnt what I had. My dad said something along the lines of: 'I'm so sorry - I didn't realise you were sick,' which is something I didn't expect as I was just happy I had an explanation for my behaviour and why things had turned out the way they always did, all those years. To them it was something saddening, which was a complete surprise to me. Both of my parents are dead now. My sister, who has completely rejected me, said something like: 'Well, in maths departments [she was in a maths/statistics dept] half of the people are autistic,' and something in the vein of 'We all have our little peculiarities,' which for me at least doesn't feel at all compassionate or helpful and instead just extremely insulting. I usually also tell prospective employers at the interview or thereabouts that I'm autistic. Twice those prospective employers (and I haven't started saying this until I received my diagnosis in my 40s) said they wouldn't hire me because of my having Aspberger's Syndrome. One said that he had had a work colleague with Aspberger's Syndrome who '... at times had seemed normal and at other times had said the strangest things...' (I'm trying to quote as verbatim as possible, but it isn't 100% exact) and so he wouldn't hire me because I could say strange things to the customers. The other said that they had recently hired an autistic person and been 'forced to fire' them (again, approximation of statement). I always tell love interests and prospective employers everything important about me (everything I think is important to them, like my autism) because I think both amorous relationships and jobs are based on 100% honesty and that I should not only fit them but they should fit me as well. It should be a good fit for both parties, and cannot therefore be based on lies or non-disclosure.

[@LL-dj3oh]

I was never got an official diagnosis, the doctor i saw that "diagnosed" me said that a real diagnosis wasn't necessary since it was so obvious that a had aspergers. At first i disclosed to every new potential employer and person i was considering dating, i didn't have positive results in either case so now i just don't tell anyone.

[@DavidLazarus]

Regarding cover letters specifically, I view them as a complete waste of time and energy. I have written beautiful cover letters for jobs in which I was about as close to a perfect fit as you can come and did not get even so much as an interview. Two of the best jobs I've had came from a cold call from the hiring person (or their HR representative) asking to schedule a phone interview. Then, I have a 15 to 20 minute phone interview at the end of which they essentially say, "You're hired." Then, a third had a brief face to face interview that I somehow managed to ace and I was hired a few days later. All three of those jobs also had "hands off" managers who only interacted with me if there was something urgent.

[@kdcraft89]

Excellent video! People knew nothing about this before the latest version of the diagnostic manual, the DSM-5. This might take the pressure off parents or others who "should have known." Many times, I think that this could be explained. My previous therapist helped me deal with a bad relationship I was in, great! She was counterproductive in continually pushing me to socialize more which was unhelpful and shaming. I recognize that this all happened before the DSM-5 was published. So, unless she was psychic (not!) she could not have been expected to understand autism as we understand it today.

[@ThisIsF-dUp]

Thank you for this video. It has given me a brighter perspective on the topic of disclosure.

[@BloodlinesNewTimes]

😅😂😂 Perfect intro😂😂😅 It's comparable to telling them that you are a alien, they really can't understand it anyway, unless they are your doctor and the diagnostic went REALLY good!😂 I had the very unique situation that I had to tell her to get a test and It said she was autistic too... We've been together for 15years now and I'm a really lucky autistic man. It just happened to be that I've got some education in Neuropsychology too so that plus that the special connection only we autistic people get, was a tell so to speak 😊 I did tell her though that I was autistic from the start!

[@LunaticDad]

Your knowledge is outstanding

[@orionkelly]

Thanks so much.

[@LunaticDad]

@@orionkelly yw

[@cheetocairo]

I feel like most people I tell would just say, "ooohhhh, yeah, ok, that makes sense" 😆

[@turtleanton6539]

Omg goodvideo

[@windalfalatar333]

I agree completely with almost everything you say in this video... and it's a matter of fact that the HR/PC stuff is utter nonsense. Remember that it used to be called 'personnel' until it turned into the Gestapo monitoring of the workplace that it is now. We had to do a test at the workplace where I am now which says in extremely vague, neuro-typical terms that you're not allowed to say certain things in the workplace, but aside from the one example there was no indication as to what these things were. I suppose neuro-typical people would just innately know, but we as autists do not. I will tell you about the one example they mentioned, because it's haunted my mind since: You were not allowed to say 'the chicks at HR' were 'hot'. Ever since I read that I've felt an overwhelming urge to say the words 'chicks at HR' to the extent that if the members of the HR Dept. were to come over to my desk, I would have to get under it and with my eyes closed in a low voice recite 'chicks at HR, chicks at HR'. The multiple choice alternative answers to the question as to what you should do if you had said 'chicks at HR' were: A. Go straight to your boss and report your own infraction, B. Wait until one of your workmates hopefully reports you to your boss or C. Stand up at your next department-wide meeting and announce in a clear voice what you have done, to which the correct answers were either A. or C.

[@tangerinefizz11]

I can understand being hesitant to disclose being autistic, but I'm not very good at masking, so there's a part of me that feels the need to disclose early on that I'm autistic, because I know that my idiosyncrasies will be noticed, and I want it to be known that I'm not dangerous or unstable.

[@SamLovesMovies25]

I just got diagnosed as autistic at age 31. The only person I've told about it so far is my Mom because (please don't judge me too harshly...) I live with them. I haven't told my Dad about it yet because he's a engineer in the Merchant Marines and his ship has been deployed so he has not been here since I've been going through this diagnosis process. And, as you mentioned here, most of Mom's reaction so far has been to say that I am "using it as an excuse to get what I want" and "I'm just being selfish" and I need to "get over it" and "adapt" and things like that. It's so frustrating and sad for me that she has been so unsupportive so far... I predict that Dad will probably be a bit more understanding at least, but he will probably still feel/say many of these things too (though maybe not *quite* as harshly as Mom)

[@orionkelly]

You’re not alone with that experience and reactions. If any of my videos can help ask them to have a look. It just comes down to helping them understand autism better.

[@saph1987]

Nothing wrong with living with family, especially in this economy xDDD but that sucks she doesn't seem to be supportive ;-;; hope things get better for ya

[@Jwalker76]

Im in my late 40s, and have discovered im autistic about 2 months ago. I plan on getting an official diagnosis from a psychiatrist in about 2 months from now. I have told some close internet friends that im autistic but not my family. Im not married nor do i have children to inform and im really concerned about coming out to my family. I really struggle with communication and im not really up to the job of explaining it to them, and you know they will ask questions and i will do a very bad job of explaining it.

[@DreaAbercrombie]

I don't like games in normal life and I definitely don't want to be in a relationship that is based on games and lies..... but I don't think my nondisclosure of my autism right off is necessarily a lie. Because honestly I feel like if you don't like me how I am, knowing that I'm autistic isn't going to change it.... and vice versa

[@timothyclark7069]

I've been really open with my ASD for the past few months and surprisingly people are accepting of it. I don't try to hide it anymore. It may just be because I'm a beefcake tho lol. NT's value physical appearance way too much in my opinion.

[@exploreraa983]

Thanks for this! from a random person on the other side of the world! :)

[@cynthiaswank6678]

Orion I had to diagnose my self im 66 and was evaluated. Theripist don't talk about everyday reactions habits just immediate issues of the week or day.

[@rkgomes3875]

Thank you for doing this one as requested!!!

[@orionkelly]

Thanks for suggesting it!

[@Spikymuah]

I have ADHS and I’m autistic so I don’t have the problem telling friends, because I have none😅

[@DavidJVMusic]

yes, deceit and lies. lol... i hate dating, I don't know how I should respond to things. And if I am just being me I would react without reacting. That is my real reaction. My mom wants to blame it on a drug I took as a kid for my asthma. I'm pretty sure that autism has been the main catalyst for all of my job changes. What is the answer? The answer is: "it depends!"

[@ApeInChrist]

Thank you for your videos

[@marthamurphy3913]

Suppose it's the manager or supervisor who is autistic. Should those he or she supervises be told? By the autistic person, or by the other management?

[@tbonemalone3407]

Excellent video, great advice 😊

[@orionkelly]

Thanks so much.

[@AliceBunny05]

I think in regards to romantic relationships, it's probably around a 4th date where I'd disclose that im autistic. enough time to feel im not opening myself up to a terrible reaction from someone I know nothing about, but not too far in, in my opinion. But i am someone who moves slowly in relationships.

[@hban3040]

How about the rebuttal “it’s a spectrum, we all have some tendencies that fall on it.” My mom has used that before

[@emilne83]

What would be your advice for parents of very young autistic kids? I definitely agree with your comment that it should be the choice of the autistic person on whether or not to disclose, but on the other hand they may have needs being unmet at school for a very long time by not intervening and disclosing for them before they are able to make that choice for themselves. At the same time, the world can be very cruel and simply divulging may put them into a negatively stereotyped social box before they ever have a chance to make these choices for themselves. I really struggle with this morale dillema and both options feel wrong to me.

[@CrossCultural-c7f]

In a personal arena, I think that if someone I know told me he/she was recently diagnosed with autism, I think my response to be “oh, that explains a lot. I have been wondering if you had ADD or a social anxiety disorder. Thank you for sharing that. Who else have you disclosed your new diagnosis to? I am not going to tell anyone else because it’s not my place to.”

[@Lilmisshotrod1]

Shine On☝️😃🪶

[@MayraHollis-hc1hc]

How do you handle a workplace that doesn’t “believe “ you? That’s what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid that once I disclose they’ll say I’m making it up bc I got in trouble.

[@ninanano2777]

I want to disclose on my parents and family but I'm anxious about getting dismissed and gaslighted. And I'm angry and yes I'm blaming for not catching this up when I was young. Of course they didn't know any better, but they also refused to see all my (and my brother's) struggle. I want them to feel bad about this, so they feel the need to apologise, and I need an apology. I struggled so much due to their ignorance and not wanting to get help. And their lack of acknowledgement for their own struggles. I want them to know, because I need validation but I'm pretty sure I won't get any. Every single member of my family has experienced mobbing and being left out at school, all of them struggle with friendships. It's their level of normal. In fact I feel sorry for them but want a better life for myself and everyone who comes after me.

[@hellomiakoda3782]

Since figuring out it's autism... I plan to get it out there super early Mostly becsuse I don't have any desire to date a person with allism. Either I'll have an autistic partner, or I'll just pet my cat. People wirh allism are just too difficult, they're a handful and then some.

[@agoogleuser6902]

I just took a job teaching anatomy at a college. I wonder if I should tell my students I'm on the spectrum?

[@colorvision7]

If you decide to disclose I would briefly explain autism and how it affects you both positively and negatively in the classroom . Without an explanation each person will have their own uneducated thoughts about it. With an explanation the students will feel more connected to you and appreciate your differences. You could potentially end up their favorite professor.

[@user-rx2gq1ws4x]

Disability Discrimination Act Australia protects your right to disclose or not disclose. Depends on the situation if it benefits you or its to your detriment.

[@nathansmith-jk7cz]

I used to be too open especially with the wrong people very tramatized and embarrassed by it

[@marycooney303]

I have my first job interview in 25 years tomorrow morning. 😢

[@marycooney303]

I got the job, but I did not share my DX with my employer. It's just a part-time custodian job.

[@christianmiller1723]

So far, since my diagnosis, I've been asked out by 3 people. Each time after I told them I was Autistic, I never heard from them again. It's been very hard for me to open up enough to even go on a date after the last boyfriend I had passed away 3 years ago. Not a good experience so far.

[@Gigi-wb8pe]

Sorry to hear about your previous boyfriend. That's hard. Regarding dating, if it were me, I'd wait to divulge. I dated a lot when I had small children and I never talked about my kids until I knew I liked the guy, at least a little. The right person will not mind. They'll like you for you, but they have to know you for you first. Dating is already full of obstacles. When you set up front what they may see as an obstacle from the beginning, there's a lot of motivation to find someone "easier". From another angle, you are also protecting yourself by withholding that information until you're sure they're trustworthy. Some might see autism as an excuse to gaslight you or otherwise be manipulative. Take care of yourself.

[@kellymccance1962]

In my job I must perform safety sensitive functions constantly. Could I lose my job if I were diagnosed with Autism?

[@jaidenoliver7165]

Something that has seriously annoyed me at work recently and still is. I was recently told that I seem disinterested in work and lazy because I don't talk to everyone as much and I don't ask lots of questions. To me that shows I'm working well because I'm doing my job, and personally when I need to learn something basic I just google it rather than go and ask someone, I've self taught myself a lot and find it easier. And about the talking to others I work harder than most people there, always get things done before time, yet I seem uninterested and lazy because I don't spend an hour a day standing around the coffee machine talking like everyone else? Similarly they want me to come in 5 days a week, currently I now have a 3 day a week arrangement. I started during covid lockdowns and was praised and offered a fulltime position because of how well I worked and got things done. Yet now restrictiond are over suddenly I'm not trusted to work home anymore and it's not productive? I have been told directly that one of the reasons is purely so it doesn't look as empty, but that's not my issue? The second reason is that it makes collaboration easier? Even though we worked better during lockdown and everyone is staggered home days so I'm usually working with someone remotely anyway. Then I'm seen as rude and have to sit through a whole day of people asking "why weren't you at the dinner last night?" Because on one of my home days I chose not to travel 2 hours to meet people from work for a dinner outside of work time. I don't want to socialise with them and frankly hate the smalltalk and situation of eating out with people. Anyone long story short I'm currently looking for a new place to work because I feel like this isn't a fit anymore, even if I could get things changed.

[@Gigi-wb8pe]

I can relate to every word of this. I used to hate lunch meetings, especially, since that was supposed to be MY time to sit alone and recharge! After 8 years of working there, I talked them into letting me become a "personal contractor" and do the same job. They didn't have to pay me benefits anymore (I got married so I didn't need them anyway), and I was responsible for my own taxes. This saved the company a lot of money and let me make my own schedule. The company already had a vendor contract with a temp-agency, so just started working through them. I hope you can find a solution. I know how nuts that situation can make a person. Good luck!

[@LunaticDad]

My UK daughter Gemma sent me

[@twsbibanghorn7343]

I tell them on the first date.

[@pamelamayton3135]

I doubt my employer would accommodate me. I think I’m on the verge of being let go. They don’t help me as a neurotypical. Why would they help me as an autistic? I’ve been a squeaky wheel as far as trying to just get assistance with regular work issues. They act like I’m just crazy.

[@peterdalton200]

I tried telling my manager in the support services (the mailroom) at Medicare Australia in 2008, but the lady, who had bipolar disorder was not interested in my wellbeing. I am very wary about the public sector and its appalling treatment of autistic bureaucrats.

[@peterdalton200]

Orion, you have been and will always be my friend.

[@legojenn]

I’m getting professional help because my employer suggests that I need accommodation. I’m thinking that ASD is my supervisor’s suspicion too based on something she wrote to my doctor. It really sucks. If it’s true, or if I have ADHD, work is the last place I’d want to disclose. I dread being disposable, or thinking that I’m disposable. I think that my employer’s concern is sincere, but it feels like manipulation.

[@orionkelly]

The whole situation with your employer sounds a little off to me. Controlling? Over stepping?

[@legojenn]

@@orionkelly It is most definitely overreach. I work in a unionised organisation, which protects me from being kicked to the kerb like so many people with acute or chronic mental health issues. It was done out of compassion, but I feel labelled before I have a label.

[@lightbeingform]

I am a year late to the party here, true to form.... I want to learn more about how to deal with medical professionals too, because a lot of them are miseducated/uneducated and react to us as though we're trying to get one over. Which is insane. If I were drug seeking i would let you redirect me since there are no drugs to treat autistic. If I were attention seeking I would be on a stage instead of in this bright smelly office with just you. If I were seeking special treatment, are you really saying I am so stupid or self-hating that I want to pursue a diagnosis that results in endless alienation, misunderstanding, and outright cruelty? As an adult female seeking support for the past few years, I have had a few actual science-literate, neurodiversity-literate professionals confirm my suspicion that I am autistic, and a huge number of emotionally fragile, bigoted 'professionals' who feel justified in treating me like garbage for even suggesting I know something about myself.

[@LunaticDad]

I tweeted you out

[@zerocks88]

"let's have a chat" makes me think I'm in trouble

[@Autism_Forever]

Aww only from waist up exposure?.. Oh Orion :))))))))

[@esmeraldabulilan643]

When did you know that you are autistic. Did it scared you? How did you manage yourself in your everyday life?

[@gethwuh9107]

wouldn't rejecting someone from uni for being autistic be a literal crime in many areas of the world though?

[@nivekab]

Employers care, they care if they can exploit you or if you are going to cost them money! Although they aren't meant to discriminate, they do. 😡😡😡

[@JohnnyYeTaecanUktena]

No way in hell i would tell anyone, if they figure it out then they figure it out as it is no ones business to know not even lovers honestly. Hell if a lover ever finds out and asks why they never been told just say "I thought it was obvious"

[@isimonsez]

Oh we can tell. No need to disclose the obvious

[@JohnnyYeTaecanUktena]

@@isimonsez You would be surprised on how many people can't as they never encountered it before. Or they just think "Eh that person is a bit weird" or "That person is just a antisocial dick" the thought of them having autism never comes to their mind. As people that don't grow up around it don't know what it looks like even Doctors funny enough

[@brainwithani5693]

Exposure 😂💀

[@stephenie44]

Lol what an intro 😂

[@jessem317]

I already disclosed my autism to my work superiors. Waiting for accommodation. Also went MGTOW.

[@docgalen]

Nice chest! 😜

[@Newhorizons4u]

Hey where did you get that jumper?! 😃