Not Knowing You're Trans At A Young Age-FTM Life

[@fionagrantham-davis7879]

You are the first trans male guy I have found that has been completely open with their past and I'm glad I found this video because I was going insane because other youtubers I have watched were like 'I'm a man and I've always felt that way' but I haven't. As soon as I realised that I was trans I started questioning whether I was or not. This video has helped me realise that yes. I am trans and I grew up female, but that doesn't make me any less of a man.

[@jaxholani6075]

yes! Thank you

[@Oliver-vs1kd]

Honestly, I can relate

[@oblivionptx9058]

I'm so late but DEAN

[@crossgame9479]

Can you please elaborate? I am questioning so it would help me a lot.

[@quasi8180]

Yeah i get it i never even knew trans was a thing as a kid it wasnt talked about so i grew up as an ignorant girl with some feminin qualities like i liked pretty things and dresses.

[@reptileeli9636]

I'm so happy I'm not the only trans guy who didn't grow up saying "I'm a boy." My family says they don't believe I'm trans because I liked pink, had barbies I played with, and tea sets and dresses, even did ballet for a while, but I also played with the neighborhood boys and loved play-fighting and climbing/exploring in the woods behind our houses. It feels really good to know I'm not the only one who didn't necessarily identify as a man until late in life, sometimes I feel pressured to reshape my past experiences to try and justify how I feel now. I guess I'm still learning to accept the fact I used to be a "girl" but live life as a man now. This video has helped a lot!!

[@SolarpunkVince]

I relate to this A LOT

[@CarlosHernandez-jv6wk]

"I feel pressured to reshape my past experiences to try and justify how I feel now." -THANK YOU!

[@NatureLover-pj2qe]

I’m non-binary but I can kinda relate to this. For a long time, I didn’t think that I could be anything but a girl but I’ve come to the realization that I’m not a girl.

[@marqsward]

Same; I had both feminine and masculine traits, and now I look back and see both, but feel the pressure to edit out the fem parts. Ultimately though, people are complicated, and the real goal (for me anyway) is to embrace myself fully and live genuinely, so while that means some transitioning/changing, it also means being okay with the messy mix and my past.

[@EnergeticNightmares]

exactly! femininity or masculinity don't define gender :D

[@shining_apollo]

I consider myself FTM, growing up I never considered myself male. Looking back I did experience some gender dysphoria, and was upset at being labeled as "female" and all the things that came with it. Still, I never really considered myself male, I just thought I was a tomboy. It wasn't until last year that I really started thinking and identifying as transgender. It does make me feel a bit odd at time, as in most cases you hear that trans people knew they were trans at a young age, so sometimes I worry that since I didn't realize until I was older that it somehow makes me less valid. But seeing other trans people that didn't realize they were trans until they reached adulthood helps me a lot with my fears and doubts.

[@wassupitsyaboi3680]

My brother and my friends all figured it out before I did. I didn't realize until this year, but I've always kinda KNEW, at least since puberty that I was different, and that being a girl wasn't really right for me. I'm glad I'm not the only one cuz it kinda makes me feel like I'm not valid, and that's the reason my parents won't accept me as a male, simply because I'm ftm and not mtm. It's a touchy subject

[@jaywest3734]

Maybe you're still female but are just in touch with you male side.

[@inesmatine9722]

IM IN THE SAME SITUATION AS U

[@snepaiSen]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 27 and I just started questioning things a few months back and ended up realizing i'm transgender. Exact same fear as well since stories of people realizing they were trans from a young age is everywhere. It's hard to find other people who dealt with or are going through the same thing as you.

[@MicahRion]

Snepai same here! 🙋🏻‍♀️

[@chandlervvn2435]

it's great to hear your story. I feel less insecure about my "female" past now.

[@trishfearn9927]

Same man 👍🏻

[@RowanWiccae]

I hear ya!!

[@des1510]

Same Dont Why 😊

[@MarissaLaRocca]

I'm so struck by something you said here... that you identify more as a trans man, than as a cis man... that you are a "new" kind of male. LOVE that. I just did two videos on my channel called "How to Know if You're Trans" Part 1 and Part 2. I may not have the authority to fully answer this question, being that I've never transitioned myself. But I love the way this topic urges us all to ask some fundamental questions, "What does it mean to be a man?"... "What does it mean to be a woman?"... it gets really philosophical really quickly. I have resolved for myself that I prefer, for now, to remain in a "female's" body, and to continue to challenge the idea of what being a female is supposed to mean. But... you have opened my eyes to a new possibility... that as a trans man, you are challenging people's ideas about what being a man is supposed to mean. Much love

[@SLCclimber]

Trans girl here: This was definitely my experience. I Never even considered the fact that I wasn't male (until certain events caused me to question). I didn't even identify as gay either. I think the way i found out was pretty interesting. Also, I wish I HAD known earlier, because the anxiety and confusion I experienced from age 12 on was awful. Always felt something wasn't right, but couldn't figure out what it was. I haven't transitioned yet, so those feelings are still there, but at least I understand why now, and that peace of mind is priceless.

[@jaimejason4932]

Dylan Camp, hey there... trans guy here. i haven't transitioned either yet... i just wanted to say tho, that is so true. about the piece of mind.... and goodluck for when you do transition 😊 i hope all of the best for you.

[@williamlieske4503]

One year later but good luck u two u got that 💘🌹

[@setedisangue9382]

I've never liked the whole FTM thing... because I've never felt female. I didn't always realize that I felt specifically male because at that age gender wasn't anything more than a word to me at the time. I didn't think about it because I didn't have to I could be a guy for all intents and purposes. MTM sounds strange though. I'm just a man, always have been and always will be.

[@i8mypen]

Sete DiSangue That was a great way of explaining it. I've never seen myself as a woman, but I've always just seen myself as a person. That I never fit into the scope of what it means or could mean to be a man or a woman. I can totally understand how MTM could work for some. It's not how I would explain my experience, but I think it's a very interesting perspective and speaks well to the idea of what it means to be trans. Ya know, that we aren't suddenly Transgender. We've always been ourselves, but that we may only just now making it known that this is who we are (or maybe now we're finally figuring out who we are).

[@ddalfred9120]

+Sete diSangue, I tottaly agree with you!!!

[@KT-pu6xi]

Sete DiSangue Very well said. You've just explained what most young transgender males feel like!

[@Charzilian]

Sete DiSangue you're not a man, you're a female that wants to be male. you're trans.

[@ichbins5163]

Sete DiSangue you're right! i think the same way! i couldn't say : i was a girl. no i wasn't. i was a child. i grew up, and now i'm a man. nothing more to say about it

[@sven_ology]

I've always felt a little isolated from other trans people because I feel like I only ever heard narratives about how people "always knew" they were trans. I've never been chronically uncomfortable with my gender, so it's made me worry that I don't have enough discomfort to justify my identity. Seeing this video and all the comments was so validating, thank you everyone for sharing your experiences ♥️

[@cooperklippenstein7795]

I am definitely ftm. I was also allowed to be a tomboy and do stuff with the boys. I climbed trees and helped move the chairs with the guys too. That was totally fine with everyone. I was just a strong girl who didn't care about girly things like getting my hair messed up. I was super proud of this part of myself. I enjoyed surprising people with how strong I was or how fast I got ready in the morning and even how I didn't mind getting dirty. Some cis girls are like that too so no one really thought anything was up, not even me. Puberty was super hard but I didn't realize at the time that I had it any worse than anyone else. puberty is hard for everyone but it was wrong for me. Only now do I know the difference. It wasn't until I got married and pregnant that I started rejecting being female and identifying as male. Thanks for allowing us to hear your story and share our own.

[@TheDentrassi]

Thanks for this; my experiences are similar to your own. I am just now starting to work through my relationship with my gender identity after breaking off a recent engagement (the idea of becoming a bride/wife/potentially a mother has been too much). I've been feeling like a fraud because so many people seem to come to the realisation they are trans much earlier (I'm 26). I know everyone's experience is going to be different but been feeling quite lonely.

[@danniballecter7936]

I can relate to both of y'all. I was a tomboy and most of my friends were boys. I think because I was a tomboy...and tomboys are more accepted by society...I didn't even begin to question my gender identity until I was in my 20s. I'm 37 and just recently accepted the fact that I'm trans (but still not out to many people and Idk if I will transition; I have an unsupportive husband).

[@skywise8]

@@danniballecter7936 it's been 3 years, and I relate to your story. I was a tomboy too and didn't question my gender until recently because of that too. How are you doing? If you feel comfortable responding I'd love to hear. I hope you are happy and living your best life.

[@peterevans6480]

I've been like that too, but I never felt the need to be with boys- wait a minute- no yeah when I was about 12 I think I actually cried because I wanted to be better friends with the nerdy guys in my class but they would never accept me or see me the same as they would see me if I was a boy. I remember crying because I was sad that I wasn't a boy like them and to me that meant that they wouldn't want to be friends with me like they would other guys... but I've never had a problem with being a girl, when I got my period I was actually excited because it was just a new thing to me and I felt grown-up. Now I actually have pmds (premenstrual dysphoric syndrome) which makes me really depressed, emotional and suicidal before my period, so I hate my period so much because of that, but that also blurs the lines of ''do I hate my actual period or do I just hate having pmds?''. I'm still doubting myself and I might be nonbinary I have no idea but I feel like I should wait until I grow up more (I'm 15) to actually know.

[@kl8476]

Hey! I'm a trans guy who started their transition later in life (25), and I've always very firmly identified as a female person who became a male person. I was always 'tomboyish' growing up, but never wanted to be a boy, and thoroughly enjoyed being perceived as and living as female up until my mid 20s when I started playing with gender a bit more. I've always felt a little self conscious around other trans-masculine folks who have known from the moment the exited the womb, or the whole idea of being 'a man trapped in a womans body' just generally not fitting, so it's great to hear of other folks who have had somewhat similar experiences.

[@anisen7878]

I can relate, when I was little I was really girly. But since I had an older brother I would want to do everything that he would do. So when we were getting older and hitting puberty I felt a disconnection to my body. At the age of 10 I did not like my hair, name, female pronouns and clothes. When I started getting to know myself more I loved to be masculine and I found out about the term "Transgender", and that's when it clicked for me. But I was really being skeptical on identifying as a trans male. I was skeptical because I loved to be masculine but at the same time I still liked to do makeup sometimes and also wear cute things here and there. But I came out to my parents when I was 11 years old and I told my mom that I still loved to wear cute things here and there. And she told me even though I identify as a trans male I still can be either as masculine or feminine as I want. Funny story my mom actually showed pictures of you from Google to me and said that she would love too see me like that too (But in a good way though). And also because I want to be a professional Martial Artist. So I just want to say thank you so much for being such an inspiration to me. P.s. So sorry for the long story.

[@angy8yury]

Ani Sen your mom is awesome.

[@jakeh2272]

My experience is very similar to yours, I identify as FTM. I was raised in a family that didn't care whether I did 'boy things' or 'girl things', and I really didn't think about it much until I ended up in a more gendered environment later in life.

[@lrochacastro2308]

dude, i have no words to thank you enough right now. i've been through almost everything you've said and i also wasn't the 5 year old who was like "i am a boy!". during quarantine a lot of stuff happened, i got more and more dysphoric and now i'm emotionally unstable and also questioning myself a bunch because, tho i've identified as transgender for the past 3 years, i didn't have many childhood trans experiences.. those thoughts were driving me crazy but, somehow, after 3 years it has been posted, this video showed up on my recommendations and now i understand that there's no problem with me and that i can still be the male i am now. thank you a lot, really.

[@emilybroderick2421]

So nice to hear this. We share a lot of the same general kid experiences, and I always thought of myself as a girl because that's what I was told, and because I was allowed to have "boyish" interests, I never really questioned it. Hearing that another trans guy felt the same way is really reassuring as I prepare for my own transition 🙏

[@transspirit3474]

This is a super helpful video. I 100% relate to your experience - I don't relate to M2M either. I didn't think I was a boy or consciously "wish" I was a boy growing up largely because, like you, I played with my brother and his friends all the time, wore my brother's clothes, etc. So, I got to do all the things I wanted to do. I also had a strong connection to being female and a "daughter", "sister" etc. As I got older, the separation between male and female increased and I wasn't able to do the "male" activities anymore, so that began to create resentment and confusion about why I couldn't participate. AND puberty made things hard of course because then the body dysphoria started. I sometimes say I feel like I was born a girl and grew up to be a transguy.

[@shawnakay9013]

Thank you for this. I've been going through one of my most intense dysphoric periods and sometimes I feel like I'm just overthinking because I had very ummm positive female experiences. So when I hear a lot of people saying they always felt like the other gender I question my feelings. So this is really helpful to me right now while I decide what the next step is.

[@darladawn1111]

I always wanted a penis when I was a kid, mainly so I could pee standing up (without getting spanked for my terrible aim. Lol). Now I want one for a different reason (to know what it feels like to be inside....), fortunately it has nothing to do with body dysphoria. I feel we (as a society) label things and people way too much. It is perfectly OK to just be. I've come to learn that labels are extremely limiting, often inaccurate and none of them are expensive enough to suit me. I'm good with not being able to fit in anyone's box. I don't even identify as gay, straight or bisexual anymore. I just am.

[@tristanmiller9571]

I didn't realize I was Trans until I was 30 years old! I always felt bitter growing up because I wished I was a boy, but I didn't know what transgender was, so I just lived with being a girl. I struggled with a lot of depression and anxiety which no amount of medications or therapy seemed to help. It wasn't until I went to a group therapy program at 30, that they taught us how to deconstruct our thoughts and feelings. Once I did that, I remembered that feeling as a kid of wanting to be a boy. I went online to see if anyone else felt the same. I found channels similar to yours and watched for hours in disbelief. Most of the things they were saying lined up perfectly with me and my feelings. Most people were very surprised, especially because I am interested in men. And also because although I was a tomboy growing up, I never once expressed my feelings to anyone. Of course, there is a part of me that wishes I had figured it all out much sooner, but another part of me is glad it happened when it did because I am much more mature and mentally capable of handling this now compared to when I was a kid or a teenager.

[@Oliver-yc5fi]

I'm having a bit of an identity crisis right now. I identify as female but I really don't know anymore, I'm definitely bi. I have a weird attraction to gay (men) relationships. Basically if I had been born male I would been gay or at least bi. It's hard to explain. I don't like the idea of me being in a relationship with a man as a female, I find men attractive but from a point of view that’s not really feminine. In relation to women I can't see myself in a long term relationship with one but I still find them attractive.

[@erinjean2695]

Thanks for sharing this you’re not the only one who has thoughts like that.

[@snepaiSen]

Honestly same! I thought i was the only one

[@n.l.g.6401]

I had no idea I was trans until my early/mid 20s. It took trying to live as an adult woman before I realized I wasn't comfortable. I was never super dude-ish growing up, and I'm still sorta "meh" about masculinity in general. It's really nice to see someone else openly embrace and talk about who they were before they transitioned. I don't regret being dragged through girlhood, either. Kinda wish gender exploration in kids was more encouraged, though. I could've figured myself out a lot sooner.

[@semmerson30]

This video has helped me so much. I’ve only just realised I’m trans and I’m 20yo. I’ve never regretted being female or my upbringing and I’m grateful for the diversity it has brought to my life, but I could never figure out why I was so anxious about my body and why I had such a jarring mental projection of it compared to the reality. I always thought it was self-esteem. When I was 15, I suffered with anorexia because I hated the curves in my body. I recovered but continued to feel dysphoric about my chest/body shape. I’ve always regarded the male form with envy, but mistook it for attraction, until I realised sleeping with men was making me extremely unhappy. I cannot wait to transition but I’ve been so anxious that people won’t believe me or people won’t take me seriously because of how feminine I was before. Thank you so much for this video. I’m forever going to be grateful for this.

[@cornflake2881]

I just want to thank you and everyone in this comment section, because watching this has been really reassuring. I didn't feel comfortable hanging out with most guys at my school because I wasn't athletic, outdoorsy and had some feminine interests. I considered myself a tomboy bc I didn't like being grouped with girls, so I didn't feel the need to question anything until I hit puberty. And even when that happened I never felt confident that I was trans, so I put it off bc I never related to the "when I was 3 I knew I was a boy and hated all feminine things" stories. Recently I started looking more into trans stuff and the label ftm fit and I realized that I do experience some dysphoria, but it feels "faked" because idk what I felt as a little kid. When I was younger I felt forced to repress massive parts of myself, so it's really difficult to rely on past experiences to confirm that I'm trans. For now I'm just going with whatever feels right, and I feel more positive that I'm moving in the right direction

[@crasheddie2046]

I needed this, thank you. I am not alone after all. 🥺❤️

[@kiwitartss]

I am definitely ftm, I always knew I was different. But I didn't know what it was, I knew when I started hitting puberty something wasn't right. But I just hid it to myself because that's what I thought that's what I had to do. I remember when I 1st heard about being trans, I kinda felt this wierd connection to them, but it made me scared because of all the hate I saw them get. I even remember in 7th grade forcing myself to wear makeup because I felt like I had to fit in. But ever since I moved to my new school for grade 8, it took me a while to build up the courage and gut my hair and stuff. But they are two of the best decisions I've ever made and I just can't imagine having to hide as a something you're not for many years. I'm in grade 8 now, I'm a lot happier as Tj instead of my dead name (Whitehall I'm not gonna mention be a of reasons).

[@Dyno_tron]

Do you still identify as trans, this has been my experience almost word for word I’m g10 now but I still feel like I might take it back some years from now, lemme know?

[@happilyliam694]

I've never heard of that either. I'm similar to you in the sense that I view my "past life" as part of the mold that shaped me. I value the fact that I didn't transition until my twenties. Life experiences have given me more to offer the World.

[@joobkoobaf]

Chase and Aaron did an episode on their You're So Brave podcast where they were guessing trans terms and MtM and FtF were both in the book they were using, in case anyone wants to hear more about it

[@joobkoobaf]

oh, and prior to hearing about this term I didn't identify with it but now after learning about it I kinda identify with MtM more than FtM.

[@i8mypen]

Jacob Raczkowski how long ago was that podcast, do you remember? I'd be interested to hear it

[@joobkoobaf]

Courtney Ahnen it was just last week's podcast. episode #58

[@i8mypen]

Jacob Raczkowski thank you! I don't usually listen to their podcasts so I wasn't sure. Thanks!

[@joobkoobaf]

Courtney Ahnen no problem!

[@happylittleflower7335]

I relate to this so much. When I was younger, I was very "girly". I loved my long hair and being a girl, I suppose. I was always very defiant about not being able to do things because I was a girl. I always believed that boys and girls were equal. I used to play soccor, I went through the "Tom boy 'phase'" I am proud as well that I was a female. I'm happy that I can still say that I have a feminine spirit in a way. I found out when I heard the term when I was 9 or so. I didn't know what trans meant at first but I learned about it and thought it fit and explained a lot. Even still, I notice new things, just recently accepting that I am FtM. I just wish I had accepting parents. I wish I could be out but I think that both of my parents, especially my mom who raised me by herself until she met my stepdad, will only ever really see me as their "daughter". The thought of coming out makes me somewhat uncomfortable, but I am so lucky to have the community and my own loving, and supportive friends.

[@dietrichahlers6125]

I realized I was trans a few days ago and am FTM. Just about yesterday I wanted to transition to male. It's a new era for me

[@94acidespresso98]

Hey Aydian. I totally get what you said in this video. Seriously, you've totally vocalised what I've been recently explaining to a few people. Definitely a new kind of guy. I don't identify as 'mtm' and I try to use my experiences for good :)

[@ohteddyboyo]

YOU dear Sir, might have saved my life today... ♥

[@marshmallowpie42]

I've had a hard time accepting myself as a trans guy since it's hard for me to relate to cis men. And sometimes I doubt my trans identity if I relate to a character who happens to be a woman. I don't know that many trans men in real life and good LGBT+ representation in tv series and books etc is hard to find. I wish the Wachowskis (or anyone) would make a series including a trans man (with a non-tragic narrative). I loved Nomi in Sense8 and could somewhat relate to her. Constantly seeing trans men played by cis women hardly makes it easier for me to accept myself. Also it was nice to see Nomi played by a trans woman instead of cis man.

[@HeronCoyote1234]

Thank you so much for this video. My stepson (18) is at the beginning of ftm, with short hair (never in a million years did I think that would happen), binder, men’s clothes, packer, name change. The biggest problem is his dad thinks he’s going through a phase because first he was bi, now he’s male, and, most importantly, didn’t feel this way from a young age. I read a lot of the comments, and see that finding this stuff out in their teens and older is pretty common. Now comes the tough part: getting dad to watch this.

[@3n0ehtm1]

I really admire your openness and positivity!! You seem like a great pillar of support for your stepson and I wish your family the best

[@HeronCoyote1234]

@@3n0ehtm1 thank you. Since my last comment, his dad had a very deep conversation with him, and now fully accepts his son’s true gender. My current problem is I keep finding myself inwardly referring to other women as “he”.

[@hevs7889]

First of all yeah, I never heard of the MTM thing, but I'm still Pre-T and I've always been the "tomboy" person, and I have wore a lot of dresses, lol I think it's because I think it's funny that I can go to school with no pants and no one have a problem with it (don't mind me I'm weird) but I definitely feel like I'm FTM but I'm still trying hard to find support in my family and friends, I've only told 5 people, one of my friends were completely supportive and 2 of them told me that I was just going through a phase, and my aunt was supportive but also confused, but the one that made me kind of upset was my twin sister, she got upset with me and kept denying it. It's just been making me very stressed out and showing symptoms of depression like I've been sleeping a lot and not being productive and even the little things make me tired. I just wanted to know if you have any advice for me? Sorry for the long comment Here's a kitty face (=^~^=) Love ya Aydian

[@user-tx9eg4tc8o]

I'm so glad you did this video I'm 18 and I started to question my gender

[@idekblah]

That was interesting! I haven't heard of MTM before, but I dig it. Can you do a video supporting nonbinary trans people? I love your videos and I watch a lot of other trans guys on youtube, but a lot of them only talk about gender as a binary and use very binary language and explanations. I think it's important for binary trans guys like you to support other kinds of trans people as well! Thank you! ♡

[@cainfisher3951]

I only realised I was trans at the start of last year, and it was a big thing to deal with internally for me, so I only came out this March, and I'm on a waiting list for a GIC, I keep getting asked how I didn't know when I was younger, but I had no access to the internet in a very small town in the middle of the countryside. I met my first trans guy around 2 years ago, and that's when I thought "oh crap, it's possible for us too??" as I had only heard of, or met trans women. I just hit 23 and will be late 24 before I can start any form of treatment, and I'm hoping to be mostly medically transitioned by the time I'm 30, but it's not seeming like a likely target at the moment

[@CarlosHernandez-jv6wk]

This. THIS is the kind of thing I was looking for. I often feel weird about questioning my gender because I never had the usual 'trans narrative'. It feels really reassuring to finally find someone who sees their past as being a normal cisgender experience and then see themselves as trans later in life. I also love how you explained you were a 'new version of a man.' That's a really cool way to look at it. I needed this, thank you.

[@oldmanjones8747]

I’ve been looking for a trans masc person to talk about their experiences that I can relate to and when you said that you were allowed to act like a man that really hit close to home bc most ftm people aren’t allowed to do that. I remember this scene when I was younger I was ranting on about how proud I was to be a tomboy and I remember wanting to help out with the guys moving tables and chairs. I’ve really been questioning my gender lately but I do know that I am some kind of transmasc and this helps me a lot on knowing what I want to be

[@jamesrosario2816]

Omg I feel the same way and I got worried because I thought that I might not be valid but this made me feel a lot better because I have people who relate. I was thirteen when I realised I was trans. My mom doubted me because she told me that I should know at a younger age. She said I'm probably androgynous. But this makes me feel a lot more secure, thank you !!

[@macksthetigerchild3417]

I related so much to this. Thank you; I've never heard of anyone else feeling this way. I always felt really invalid because of my attachment to both sides of the binary, despite still identifying as a man. This was very validating and I really appreciate it. It was really nice to be able to relate to someone like that.

[@LadyAneh]

This video made me feel a hell of a lot better. Thank you. I didn’t know I was trans until I was 31...sort of a “I don’t like calling myself a cis woman, but I don’t know what else to call myself.” person. And my childhood was very similar, except the boys I played with and wanted to emulate were my cousins. No one ever presented me with a strict female lifestyle they expected me to be, so the social dysphoria wasn’t so much of an issue as a kid, and because I have whole body dysphoria, (seriously, the only part of me I feel is congruent is a line of hair going up to my naval.) it was very hard to pinpoint a specific region that upset me the most, until I started definitely identify what I was feeling as feeling like a guy that simply got really strong over probably a year in various little ways. I now identify as a gay trans man, but I don’t want to be an entirely different person, but I do want people to see me as I see myself, and that is male. Some may ask why I would want to transition to just be a gay man. Gay guys are still definitely guys no matter what romantic relationships they have, and I just know that’s me, but that person who didn’t know yet was also, an unfinished me.

[@tedworm]

Late as hell do this video, but it's super refreshing to hear. You hear a lot of stories of how some trans people "always knew", and that can sometimes (and totally unintentionally) invalidate those of us who didn't really understand what we were feeling until much later. Thank you for this.

[@ranXd0m]

Hey Aydian! I'm a 19 y/o trans guy and I have heard MTM but I don't personally identify with it for basically the same reasons as you. I didn't realize I was trans until about a year and a half ago, and I don't connect with cis men at all

[@iagotheparrot6347]

I'm so glad I stumbled upon this video! When I was younger I wasn't worried about my gender, I was more worried about the monster under my bed or when my stuff animal would get out of the washing machine. I was a girly, and did act girly. It was only when puberty hit me did I start question my gender identity. I thought I was a tomboy, ya know. But i realised i has been insisting on going by male pronouns online and hated female pronouns and sometimes my name. But there will be days that im ok with it? I do find myself hating my body much more than i did when I was younger, it just doesn't feel right. I still worry about not being valid because of how I acted when I was younger and I'm still having a hard time accepting myself. But, this video help me a lot :) thank you!

[@LuLima]

I’m glad I came across this video. I just came out as trans and I’m 21 years old and like you I never had a feeling of being a man before recently. Our story is so similar and great so see that there are more people like me. I have other trans friends that really they always knew and I kinda felt like I was less of a man or made me confused on why my path was different. But thanks for sharing:)

[@matthewburton997]

This is the first time I’m hearing of mtm terminology. I’m still pretty “new” to my identity (non-binary transfeminine). I was like you as a child, but opposite I guess. Amab, but I loved playing with dolls and dressing up in heels and dresses, and I’ve always had primarily female friends. Never liked body contact sports, but I did swimming and diving in high school. I identified as gay from the age of 13 up until the age of 18. But at 18 I started to realize the mechanism behind my extreme introversion and insecurity was that I am trans. It’s so cool hearing of different peoples experiences, and realizing I’m not invalid for not knowing at the age of 3.

[@blue_1080]

Thank you for posting this I just started to realize a few months ago that I’m trans I’ve always felt really insecure about my transness cause it feels like everyone has known since they were little I just started to realize the things I’m experiencing are dysphoria when I was little I always was in the middle leaning a little more towards the masculine side. I remember always wanting to fit in with boys but not really wanting to be one I just always wished I had things they had,that I could look like them, and that I could do the things I love and have it be socially acceptable I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who didn’t realize till later this has really me feel so much more secure in my trans ftm identity thank you

[@andyfrost6720]

I identify with your story so much. I grew up as a 'girl' but I always wanted to play with my older brother. And I always still his clothes. THIS MAKES ME FEEL SO VALIDATED!!!

[@Icelandchan]

OMG! Every trans person I watched videos about always said they knew they were male/female since they were 4 or 5 years old but I didn't. For me it started to feel strange since puberty and I realized what was going on when I was around 21. But I suppressed it because I was afraid that I might lose my family and friends. However since last year I cannot deny it anymore and this Monday I finally told my therapist and a friend about it. But I still have doubts because I was different than so many other trans people. So your video actually helped me :)

[@herberthidgens5937]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way! I realised I'm trans like a year ago (i'm 17 now) and while i felt dysphoria since the start of my puberty and maybe even earlier and I knew about trans people since a pretty early age, I always felt like I can't be trans because I never got that feeling of "being a man" and I didn't know it as a kid and didn't really show any signs (at least from what I can remember which is honestly very little). I also played with my brothers and got to do "masculine stuff", but I also enjoyed dresses (more in the drawing pretty princesses in dresses way rather than wearing them myself), I loved watching Barbie movies, I liked dressing up dolls and I didn't like sports very much. While I also never felt like A Girl™ and always felt kinda off and weird and "not like other girls", I definitely liked hanging out with them better than I do with most guys. And I still do, most of my friends are girls and while it makes me kinda dysphoric, it doesn't make me any less of a guy. I just had to realise that the important thing is how I feel now and how I want to live in the future - and I'm very sure I couldn't live as a woman. Honestly I wish I was the "knew I was a guy since 3 years old" type cause it would make things so much easier, but I did and I still do live a big part of my life as a female. And while I can't wait for that to change, I don't think I can and want to erase that part.

[@smoshlover200]

Its awesome that you feel growing up female was cool in the fact that you kind of have an understanding of females. It gives you an appreciation for females, one which cis males sometimes do not have. Its nice to find someone who feels the same way as me on this topic!

[@alexs.7956]

This makes me feel so validated, I've seen a lot of trans people saying things like "when I was 3 I knew I was a boy!" And it always had me thinking "maybe I'm not trans, because I didn't knew I was a boy until I was 16, maybe it's just a phase" But now I understand that we all have different journeys, maybe I realized at 16-17, maybe they did at 4, maybe they did at 40. It's different for everyone and you're trans enough no matter at what age you realized it.

[@InterstellarDreams]

“You are welcome to join our destructive, mind warping, dissociation glorifying cult, no matter how old you are when you decide to join us.”

[@P1FC_ForYou]

I definitely fit the FTM but have a mix of the MTM.... It's a very interesting story of 41 years thus far and SO many more to come.... Much Love!

[@Oliver-vs1kd]

This has helped me so much. You are such a genuine person and I love watching all your videos

[@brittneysutherland1611]

I have the exact same experience, and I was terrified that because of it I wasn't actually trans and that it was all a phase and that I was going to regret ever saying anything. I'm so, so thankful you shared this with us, thank you so much. All the trans guys I know have known since they were 3, and knowing that theres someone se out there with the same experience as me so so comforting. So again, thank you.

[@arininquotes8396]

Maybe it's different because I'm nonbinary, but if ~nbtnb~ were a thing, I think I might identify that way. I've only recently started identifying as nonbinary, but I've always known something was up, that I wasn't cis. My body isn't my gender, because there's no way for a body to be concretely nonbinary in of itself (like, a nonbinary sex) so that leaves it up to the mental/emotional side. I'm just me, and I always have been, I guess!

[@santiagodanielmedinaprado1565]

There's a way to be nbtnb. I mean, intersex is a thing. I guess that could count as a non-binary sex. Doesn't mean being intersex means inherently identifying as non-binary, but it's possible. Anyway, given that some intersex people identify as binary genders, why would that stop "binary sex" people (let's put it that way) from identifying as non-binary? People are all kinds of weird that way, every single one different from the other.

[@lewisrose9978]

I don't see why a body couldn't be non-binary. Like changing hormone levels to a mix that is neither male or female or having really borderline breasts. There are so many secondary sex characteristics that someone could theoretically pick and choose which aspects they like, and pursue them.

[@vannajade1216]

I’m so grateful for this bc I genuinely didn’t even question things until puberty bc before that it didn’t matter to me, we were all little kids and I could play dolls or push my cousin down in a mud hole. Both were fun. My body changing and peoples expectations changing for me bc of that is what triggered questioning and dysphoria when I realized I *could* question it. Even still it was a while to accept it.

[@josephsdimension]

Hi Aydian this is an interesting topic. I think it's important for trans people to accept and embrace the part of their life as their birth sex. Although I know it's hard for many trans people at the beginning of their transition, it is important to accept the reality of your situation and be proud of it. Technically I was born female, but I feel that I was born a transsexual because my brain was born hardwired to be a male. While the brain is an important part of the body, and it does dictate who we are, the rest of us is also necessary to our existence. So being reproductively female is a part of who I am as well as being neurologically male. So I feel that I was born as a transsexual, meaning I was hardwired all along to transition from female to male. I still however identify as FTM, not because I feel that I was fully female before transition (as stated, I feel I was kind of both), but because this is the best way to describe my medical journey. I would love to hear your thoughts and anyone else's who is interested. :)

[@jordan220]

Joseph White I'm young, 16, today is my 1 year on T and 2 weeks post op, and I never took pictures or videos at the start of my transition. I regret it now. I have little to look back on, and can't compare my changes as much as I wish I could. I can't imagine how it must feel for older guys in their 30s and 40s who did the same as me, who now have a blank space that was the last 20 years of their lives to look back on. My childhood is basically absent because I started out with very few photos, but I wanted to get rid of who I was. If I could say anything to a young pre T transdude, I'd say take pictures, take videos, and live life as you are because one day you'll be further than you'd ever dreamed and it will be awful to have nothing to look back on.

[@josephsdimension]

Jordan Totally. And never destroy childhood photos. I love and value my childhood pictures, videos, and journals. What I like to look at is who I was, not what I was (e.g. my sex).

[@sem1571]

this is like so relatable for me. i have started to think about me being transgender like a month ago (being a 20 year old girl) and i'm trying to figure things out for myself now. like i just had a haircut and i LOVE it! your videos are really helpful

[@abeltrame0000]

Late to the party, but this video really helped me out. Thank you for sharing your experience, I found it to be really close to what I'm going through right now, and seeing I'm not alone lifted my spirits a lot. I hope I'll be able to "borrow" some of your points when I'll decide to come out to my family, so that maybe they'll take me more seriously. Thanks bro.

[@ericamendiola7882]

I am in the beginning of my ftm transition and can so relate to what you said about " a new breed of man" because me as well lived as a girl though had mixed feelings of what was normal for a girl or boy.. let's just say whatever I liked ..I went with it. I played in the mud got dirty didnt really like dresses but loved Barbie's and cars..so for me I had bits and pieces of both worlds lol. Always had a lot of guy friends in school .. I too can identify as just a transgender ftm.. because it feels right to just say " im a new breed / kind of male". I guess you have to be trans to understand this feeling but for the most part I've always just thought of myself as a human being who feels more comfortable in a physical male form... Inside I have feelings of both sides. I just wanna say you are an amazing human being so genuine, encouraging and inspiring to many of us. Thank you keep up the great work man and I feel very excited for my future can't wait to she hi coocoon.! Much love

[@everycolourinthesky]

Finally I hear someone that went through someone similar when little!!! I was always allowed to behave how I wanted and wear what I wanted when I was age 3 to 12 so I never had the 'I wanna be a boy' moment. I remember always picking male characters when playing make believe but I think that's as far as it went. So for the longest of times I was just a tough girl to everyone around me. It was only up until I turned 21 that things starter to rattle up. And now I'm 23 and figuring out that I'm actually a trans guy. And oh boy isn't this a ride. Bc after I turned 12 all my family did come down to ""teach"" me how to be more feminine and stuff, so I was heavily socialised as a female and I remember trying really hard to learn ~delicate and girly behaviours from ages 13-17. And now, at age 23 I have that shit drilled in my head. But also!! I agree with you so hard. I can't fully identify as a cis man. It was never something I thought of or considered, and now I do feel way more connected with other trans men and tbh have no interest to be considered cis. But now, I have to think of the man I want to be and that I want to become and it's a bit overwhelming, I never knew what kind of woman I wanted to be, now I know it's bc I never was a woman in the first place. But now I'm a v cynical and depressed person and have to think of a future for myself, as a man. As who I always wanted to be. And idk man it's a ride.

[@ScenicNsanity]

Yay someone like me! Most other people I've looked up on youtube all realized they were trans at a young age. I was beginning to feel less valid since I'm in my early 20's but it's nice to know there are other like me.

[@sonyasez9184]

You make a ton of sense bc you have a healthy self image. Your past is an important piece of who you truly are and embracing makes you less dependent on others for validation.

[@cjones7093]

Never heard of MTM, but that sounds like me. I never liked doing "girl things or wearing girl clothes". The level of discomfort by being forced to wear fem attire was almost unimaginable. Thankfully after age 3 i was mostly allowed to wear my older brothers clothes.I am now 37 and just starting on my road to getting the medical part of my transition. It's been a long journey, but i think i see the light at yhe end of the tunnel. Thank you Aydian for your videos and you inspiration.

[@roedoresdeoliveira]

Oh god, hearing you talk, omg, i'm shooketh, you're hitting all the points, all of them, one after the other, i can't stop nodding as i agree with everuthing you are saying, this video is so eye-opening, thank you so much omg

[@teonow5952]

Aydian thank you so much it is the same with me I never as a kid wanted to be a guy just wanted to be like my older brother and I am also proud of having the experience of how it is growing up as a female. I'm pre-t right now and I am only out to friends and my twin sister I'm planning on coming out to my parents in a few weeks and it helps to know that not every trans man always knew as a kid. Your videos have really helped me because I relate to you a lot. Thank you so much for being so open about everything and making all of these videos!

[@emmarch2441]

I feel like this video and yall comments are signs to me that i'm on the right way. I am currently a female and i'm 19, during my 16 i started a transition and then i had to stop and mask myself, i tried so bad to be the perfect girl everyone wanted to see and i'm currently so troubled with the fact that i like my "long" hair, make up, wearring skirt etc but i also love lifting weights. At the same time i can't see my body i litteraly disappear under my shirt, jogg and sweater, i wanna have a breast reduction since my 14, i know something left that i'm not complete. Seeing yall stories make me feel confident in my journey of "finding myself", i may be trans, or i may not honestly i'm still lost but one day i'll know and i'm truly happy finding that i'm not the only one whp started this journey bei'g an adult so yeah, thank you all

[@tonyanelson4862]

I just wanted to say I am not Trans but I have friends/family who are LGBTQ and I love learning different things. The information you share about your journey and what you have went through gives me insight into what someone I love and care for may be going through. I know not every persons journey is the same ,but I want to understand as much as I can so I can help them in any way I can. Thank you!! :) Have a great weekend!! :)

[@capowebfir920]

everyone's sharing their stories so ehresmine I didn't have any positive male influences as a younger kid with my dad being absent and my brother being abusive. I didn't even know I wasn't a girl until I was around 8. I was really insecure because I wasn't masculine as a kid, I was really feminine. This is a major comfort.

[@milensio5658]

I like to hear other pple story it just makes me happy to know they achieved their goal and that i will be able too as a ftm.

[@Gracyz]

I relate so hard to this! I just realised I'm trans at 25 and have been struggling with it. Now I feel like I know myself better and that it is ok to still identify with my female self. Thank you!

[@englishassingment333]

Thank you so much for doing this video it means a lot to me to hear you share your story and be open about being okay with growing up a girl

[@buildingsamftm]

Woah this is really cool to hear! Sometimes I feel bad that I wasn't saying I was a boy at a young age. But the same thing happened in my childhood! I have two younger brothers and I would always just be playing with them and was always considered a 'tomboy'. It's so great seeing someone I look up to speak about things I can relate to. Thank you man, you are awesome.

[@samthekayak5721]

I know I’m trans but when I was 5 or some I think I was into dresses. That’s why I tried to find out if I was trans because I thought that sense I liked dresses when I was 5 that I wasn’t trans. Thank you for clarifying this to me. It helped me a lot.

[@mattburgess3307]

FTM is about sex, and as I am medically transitioning from female to male, it fits me. I cringe at things like 'AFAB' because nobody assigned me anything at birth and I don't want to put any kind of blame on anyone when the sex and gender I was born as are simply biological traits. The fact they're different is a problem but it's nobody's fault. I've always slotted in with the boys, even though I didn't know that I was one, so like I would always line up with the boys and stuff. As I got older, and teachers would say "boys, do x; girls, go and do y" or whatever I would have a moment where I was like "wait..oh" and then I'd go join the girls because I knew I had to. And now, 3 years out, I will always say "yeah I've always been a boy" but I still use FTM because that's talking about changing my sex from female to male.

[@CarbonUnitX]

Matt Burgess I get where you're coming from. I have to say however that for me AFAB is not to place blame on any one person or instance but I do feel like I was assigned something because biological sex is not like any other physical characteristic as it's loaded with all that meaning and expectation that is automatically assigned with it and will continue to be again and again. The only thing they can truly know about a child at that point is that it's human but they choose to yell "it's a girl!" as if that means anything, solely based on sex, something that will only become in any way relevant after puberty, if ever. It's also like... If someone has cancer, that's a biological fact too but if they were cured they wouldn't think of themselves as a cancer-person who transitioned into a healthy-person (that's how much I hate this F part! xD ). I use FTM too because it's a handy short for transman.

[@mattburgess3307]

Sex is actually highly-relevant in medical settings, from the kind of medical diagnoses a doctor would consider (e.g. why would anyone consider uterine cancer in a male?), through lab results (iron ranges for males and females are grossly different), to dosage of medication (if male doses of iron were given to someone female, they could be fatal)..it's actually really important, no matter what age. H o w e v e r, that's fair enough. The only thing that's truly assigned to anyone is gender roles (but as that is based on the belief that someone is a certain gender because they are a certain sex, I get where you're coming from) because of course gender is due to the brain composition, and sex is due to physiological factors like genitals and hormones, so neither is chosen by anyone. I'm totally fine with people using AFAB because it covers female-sexed non-binary people, and female-born women, as well as trans men, I just mean that I prefer FTM because all I was assigned at birth were gender roles, and FTM accurately describes that I'm transitioning from female-sexed to male-sexed (thank fuck lol) :)

[@mattburgess3307]

People mix up 'female' and 'woman', saying they don't agree with FTM because they "never felt female" when what they actually mean is they never felt like a girl/woman, given that you can't 'feel' your sex. That's where the whole MTM thing comes from, is people thinking FTM means woman-to-man, which would be about gender, when it just means female-to-male, which is about sex.

[@CarbonUnitX]

True, it's relevant medically. I was referring more to the significance of sex in social interactions. Up until puberty it's not based on any physical differences and even after that hormonal differences are all I can really think of that could remotely justify the expectations and roles. Yeah, the MtM thing is strange to me too, as female is what we can't help but start out as. It's what makes us trans. An interesting point to consider here: I have at least as much dysphoria over being female than being perceived as a woman. If everyone 100% saw me as a guy in this Pre-T body, if I lived on a desert island where nobody can see me, or if gender roles disappeared completely I would still find this body just as disturbing and foreign. So in that sense I've never felt female either... But from what I have seen those who use MtM are very much concerned with being a boy/man from day one so yeah, maybe they do get things mixed up or want to underline that further by also having twice the word that means the thing they should have been born as physically...

[@taco1374]

This is the first video i can totally relate to. When i was younger i never questioned my gender and a lot of stuff happened at the time so thinking about my gender identity was the least of my problems. I acually never heard of anything other than cis gender and straight things before i was 15 so i never thought about it at all. When i was around 16 I started wearing my fathers clothes and i felt so much more comfortable but i still thought of myself as female. Now at 18 after i dealt with most of my other problems i finally realised that i am trans.

[@embalmer108]

I actually can identify with this. I was one of those who knew from the time I was extremely young. I've never heard of it before but it does strike a cord with me.

[@scotty9278]

In YOUR DREAMS !!!!!

[@jesselatherow3995]

my family says that I'm not a boy because I was so girly as a child. I agree. I was almost into camping and music and sports. They made me almost believe I'm not Trans and I was scared and almost got suicidal. the MtM vs. FtM is a new concept to me... but I'm crying right now with relief. inside I know I'm trans but- well knowing I'm valid and that you are valid through adulthood gives me a lot of hope. I've only been out of the closet for 2 years, and a teenager. When I was younger I didn't know I was a boy and I didn't have to think about it. thank you so much. I feel like I can trust myself again from this video. I'm proud to be FtM. on another topic, thank you for the health motivation I've been told repetitively that I only think I'm transgender because I'm unhappy with my weight. my family wants me to use the summer to quote "de-transition" back into feminine or what they call "the true me". My goal is to use the summer to lose weight instead, so I can at least prove them wrong. Your fitness and transition and staying true and dedicated has been my largest help. Although alone in body and mind I know I am not in spirit, as long as you keep making videos. thank you.

[@niki_papp]

Oh my gooood i needed this video!! I'm still not sure if i identify as a trans male or "just" a tomboy... but you are really open about this "not feeling" cis, because i definitely don't feel that, but yeah... love that video and your choice of words, thanks!!

[@kaitieskates]

Very cool video. I'm sure I'm going to say this all wrong but I want to say it anyway. It's nice to hear that you appreciate your past. I've watched a lot more videos about trans and gay people recently that have talked about being so unhappy before or hating who they were before coming out. I obviously want you, and everyone, to be the happiest versions of themselves and maybe it's just because you were always able to enjoy the things you liked, but I think it's very evolved of you to see that what was before wasn't quite right but that you could learn from it. It is a very modern perspective.

[@kelseyonline33]

I’m so glad you’re explaining this!!! All of this is stuff I relate to (I’m pre coming out and stuff) so much. I have a younger brother and we used to always play tackle football together in the yard and it was awesome. I wore my brothers clothes all through elementary school too. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EXPLAINING THIS THOUGH! I feel like a lot of people on KZbin who are trans are really young and have known forever so it’s really nice to hear something more like my story.

[@halglass4751]

Yo, this is really interesting and this video helped me a lot. I had a similar childhood experience of not being stopped from being boyish when I was little. I've been questioning my own gender a lot over the last year and hearing someone with the same kind of memories makes me a lot more confident in myself and I feel more able to express myself as I truly am now.

[@santiagodanielmedinaprado1565]

Heya, Aydian! I've never heard of MTM before- And I like to think I'm really involved in the community, at least enough to know all these terms from early on. I'm a trans man like you, only 18 and pre-everything haha. I've always been a pretty... neutral kid. Like, I liked playing soccer but also had barbies. Still, I would've killed for a Max Steel action figure, or Batman merch. I never got any of that, not until I discovered myself. I have known about what I am, I guess, since around my mid-teens. When I was 14, I started wearing "masculine" clothes (in quotes because, really, gendered clothes?), and openly identified as a bisexual tomboy. I didn't have a good concept of trans people, really. Think about all the bad stereotypes, then picture them being fed to me my whole childhood. Yeah. I was pretty messed up when I found out that I was "a transsexual" hah. Spent a few years in denial, until I found you and everything became much better. For real, if it weren't for you, I don't know what would've happened with me. Anyway, as I said, I was a pretty neutral kid. Other kids, generally girls, would ask me if I was a boy or a girl at times. What I do know, though, is that I always thought everything would be better if I was a boy. I could play soccer, I could hang out with other boys, I could like superheroes and action figures and be the cool boy in every high school comedy movie. Y'know, be your regular All American Boy. (Except I'm not from USA, lol.) It was only the fact that I liked boys that put me at ease about being sure I was a girl. (I could barely grasp the concept of being gay, imagine anything else.) One picture of Demi Lovato later, I just knew I wasn't all that straight. Lol. So mayyyybe I could identify as MTM considering I've always been, well, not-feminine. However, rather than "FTM", I prefer saying Trans Man. But cis people always get confused so I end up having to explain and FTM helps me skip that part. MTM doesn't feel, to me, quite as... accurate, for one. After all, "female" and "male" (and "intersex") basically refer to sex, not identity. Identity is "man" or "woman" or anything in between. Gender expression can be "masculine" or "feminine." That's how I understand those terms, personally. Not trying to preach anything here. I was born with female parts. In a female body. A female body that belongs to a man, as in me. I like to think of it, like, "the soul of a man inhabitating a female vessel." Pretty spiritual, I guess, but that's the thought that helps me get through life. If anyone identifies as MTM or FTF, I guess that's okay. I don't quite understand it, or feel like it fits, but that's maybe because it's not for me. If it's for someone else, then, good for them. I'm not here to decide for others, after all. If you read this long ass comment (I'm sorry, I got carried away), I hope you have a great day. Greetings from Ecuador!

[@SethofSpades]

This video is definitely what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. It kept freaking me out that I was never MTM and I saw all the people in the media saying they were... thank you.

[@Eviekade1117]

I am really glad I found this video because I identify as trans. I came out to myself recently and didn’t know from a young age but like had some of the markers of being trans when I was young if that makes since. I was doubting because I didn’t feel “man” enough but seeing this video makes feel validated in what I feel and who I am.

[@LightPink]

I did a double take when you said you did cheerleading cuz I'm like "that's not a boy's activity" 😭

[@foolgazer]

A NEW VERSION OF MAN, AHHH. I love that. It's what's need and I love it.

[@keags8198]

Finally able to watch! I also had divorced parents at a super young age and an older brother. I always wanted to do everything he did. I also didn't know I was trans til older in life. And I can also relate to most of the details you shared too lol. Didn't realize we have so much in common! I'm glad you explained how you identify. It's a healthy reminder that just because someone makes working out a priority doesn't make them hyper masc MtM :)

[@jaykinde]

I really relate with your story and im really happy i saw this video because for a while id been thinking i wasnt actually trans because of this. thank you for putting this representation out there!

[@noahr.7144]

you made me feel really valid with your story. Thanks C:

[@aydngentile3723]

I found this really interesting too, I hadn't heard of it before. I can understand the feeling or mindset of identifying only as male and not connecting to anything labeled as 'female'. I feel like being born with female biological traits somewhat forces a female identity up until you reclaim that identity. Some people are more comfortable and can live with their bestowed female identity longer than others, I didn't start my transition until 28, but to some degree all of us transguys lived with the female identity at some point or another. I feel like not all transgender people need to identify as FTM or MTF especially if they don't identify with binary terms. Sometimes I feel like trans people are a little too sensitive when it comes to labels or terms and I feel like it might be the case in this situation. I definitely understand the need to express the MTM term and meaning behind, I personally feel like it's more of a cry of label insecurities. Definitely enjoying this style of video and am waiting anxiously for you and Jenilee to give us a baby update!

[@oh_cole]

Interesting. This is an idea that I've never contemplated, but I also lived 32 years of my life as female. For me, at least now that I'm on hormones and have accepted myself, I cannot deny or ignore in any way the F part of myself. I really believe that I was born female for a very specific reason and that my soul was meant to learn something from the experiences I am having in this lifetime. But on the flip side, I can understand someone feeling and identifying as mtm. Everyone is different - the way we think and feel about ourselves and our experiences is what makes us all unique. Ftm, mtm - all valid, all real, and all part of our own unique journey. For me, I think Female To Me is more accurate and I feel pride in that. Great topic, man. In the words of Tiq Milan, continue being a man of your own design 🤘🏽!

[@maltedcrow]

I definitely relate to the FTM thing- I actually feel like I almost aggressively tried to throw myself into some more typically feminine traits and such when I was in around middle school and early high school because all my friends were female. I grew up with two older brothers myself and was often running around and doing whatever I wanted. It wasn't really until a little before college that I personally actively started realizing that 'hey, my identity is masculine' because it had never clicked until then. I'd been identifying as primarily nonbinary for around two years already by the time I settled into a firm identity even.

[@countjracula]

Love this video! I'm going through a lot of doubt because i didn't "always know", and everything you said in this video ((minus the sports, I was never really a jock)) is really relatable and very comforting. I don't want to forget my female experience either!

[@gennyd8664]

Great video. Insightful, wise words. Society needs exactly this kind of 'new' male that you represent.

[@chasejoseph5118]

I've been a MTM my entire life. Old pics Def show it lol. Thanks for explaining it!

[@HUMC4L]

It's crazy how similar our stories are! The whole time you talked about how it was for you growing up it was tripping me out how much of it I felt and went through as well. Even down to being at school and the boys being asked to help with things and girls being excluded. I'd always just think "what the fuck? I can do that too"

[@i8mypen]

This is exactly how I felt as a kid. For those in the LGBTQ community who knew something was up when they were kids, you can become hyper self aware to where you fit in, where you don't fit in and where you believe you're supposed to be (but maybe can't be). I was always hyper self aware of my masculinity and realized that the other people in my life who identified as masculine were my brother, father, etc. So I gravitated toward the roles, responsibilities and standards placed upon them because they were men. But then as I grew up and realize that the world is actually imposing completely different ideals and expectations for me because of the gender I was assigned at birth, (combined with realizing that it was NOT acceptable to voice these feelings), I repressed a lot of heavy shit at an early age that has made it my transition a challenge. I appreciated the perspective I have from being raised as a woman, and don't ever want to lose that, but I also know it wasn't fully me. By no means am I saying this story is the same for all. A lot of what affected me as a kid is based on where I grew up. There was very little variance in social and political views, and I also had emotionally abusive parents. I appreciate you talking about the new things you learn about your (our) own community, and I hope you have more to share with us in the future. Also - always wanted to ask, but how did you begin doing your own screen printing? I used to work at a shirt shop and then a Sportswear company doing art (as well as production) and I miss it. Been wanting to start doing it for my own personal work as well as some stuff I come up with but never have a way to actually print anything. Any advice for someone wanting to begin their own little screen print studio? (I also have like 10 years of dark room experience with film, and so I know some of what the needs would be in regards to exposing screens) This might be too open ended of a question for the comment section, so I apologize for that haha

[@JayLKing]

BROOOO same! I'm def FTM like you. Hope you don't mind a super long comment. I was a tomboy and just allowed to wear and do pretty much whatever I wanted. There was ONE time when I wanted to play outside with my brother and some other boys and mom said "no, that's what the BOYS are doing" and I was just like "so??" And she couldn't think of any other reason to say no, so she let me go play 😁. She never stopped me from doing what the boys were doing after that. But yeah I played a couple of sports. Took boxing lessons and played football on the boys' team even. Never really had the sense of "I wanna be a boy!" either cuz I just did what I wanted. I always helped with the heavy lifting and people always commented on my strength, especially family. I loved when my uncle challenged me to arm wrestling. I always beat him! And he didn't LET me win either. His straining and sweating made that clear. However I spurned the color pink around 1st grade and only wanted to wear jeans and t-shirts. I did experiment wearing girly clothing at one point as a teen but it didn't last long. When I was like 2 or 3 my mom had me out shopping and she picked out a cutsie little outfit for me and I said to her "no want! No want!" She distracted me so i wouldn't see her put it in the cart and bought it anyway. Like a month later she thought I'd forgotten about it so she brought it out to put in on me so we could go next door to a cookout and I screamed and threw a tantrum saying "TOLD YOU NO WANT!!" But she put it on me anyway (i did NOT make it easy tho) and I fell on the floor screaming and crying saying over and over "TOLD YOU NO WANT!!" When dad came in and saw what was happening he asked "what did you do to her?!" She explained I didn't wanna wear the outfit and dad was like "well just let her wear what she wants!" So she said "fine!" and told me to go put on what I wanted so I jumped up and went to put on my favorite outfit which was just some jean shorts and a tshirt with a monkey on it. I dont actually remember this myself, it's just a story mom has told a million times. On top of being a "tomboy" I was also a "daddy's girl" cuz I followed him everywhere and did everything he did and copied him all the time. Was following him in the snow one time and tried to match his footsteps. Wound up almost doing the splits with each step cuz I was little and his legs were so much longer. I also went fishing with him and my brother all the time, but mom wouldnt let me go hunting (which was a good thing cuz i love animals too much. I even had a hard time hurting the fish, but I kept going cuz dad was going). I did what he did, talked like he talked ate what he ate cuz I wanted to be just him I guess. Anyways, there's more i wanna say but this comment is super long now so I'll wrap things up. I didn't figure out I was a guy til like a few months ago (im 32 now) and I was having these doubts like "am I really trans? wouldnt I have figured it out sooner?" But watching this video and knowing there's at least one other guy with a similar experience has made me feel a ton better. So thanks for this, man. Gonna save this video Also, sorry about the rambling. This crap isn't even in chronological order lol 😅

[@MicahRion]

This is such an interesting topic! I clicked on this video because I was curious what MTM is! I also didn’t know I was trans as a kid. I had dysphoria during puberty, I realize now looking back. I think a big factor for me is that I’m not a binary trans person. And that’s what all my examples of trans ness were as a kid. After a few years of exposure to non-binary identities I realized that’s me. 😁