back to basics - understanding and working the triangle of conflict

Many therapists, as well as their patients, fail to make distinctions between core emotions, the anxiety that they can trigger, and the defensive maneuvers used to avoid them. Understanding the triangle of conflict and how to work with it can help improve any therapy and is a useful map for us all to explore our own inner workings.

[@SevenRavens007]

As a brand new practitioner this channel is one of the lovely things in my professional world…in which I have access to hours and hours of free instruction from a truly accomplished therapist. Thank you for your generosity - it makes a big difference!

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Thanks for letting me know. It's my pleasure.

[@kimrobinson3981]

I love your work and your presence as you present. I agree with many of the comments below. True gold. Distinguishing between internal and external triangles can’t wait for the next one of the set. Thank you Dr Coughlin for your continued generosity

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Thanks for letting me know Kim.

[@joybeamer8234]

I am a regular human being and I love this!❤

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

So glad it's helpful!!!

[@hadiabedini4322]

Thanks for making these helpful and valuable videos🙏

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

My pleasure.

[@freeimproviser4303]

Love your videos thank you

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

So glad!

[@YoutubevideoSEOspecialist138]

Amazing video

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

So glad it was helpful

[@Pedro-ew1dj]

Great video Patricia, thank you very much! I think it is very useful to review the most essential aspects of the model and thus ensure that we understand and apply it correctly. I look forward to your next video of the triangle of persons. For me, the triangle of conflict is very useful, but it is difficult for me to apply it in patients with phobias or stage fright in whom the anxiety response arises immediately in the presence of certain stimuli and generally only identify fear/anxiety and not other underlying emotions... which raises the question in me of how to work with this type of patients from this perspective? Could you tell me a little about whether you have had experiences with these patients? From what I have studied so far about ISTDP (self-taught) I do not remember that they mentioned fear as a threatening feeling (generally it is anger, grief, guilt) that could be causing anxiety, symptoms, etc... If I remember correctly, fear was the physiological response to an external threat and anxiety to an internal stimulus (threatening feelings)... But in the case of stage fright there is fear of an external stimulus that cannot really harm them... but obviously they know it but still experience a lot of anxiety. I have identified a lot of self-demand, projection of self-criticism and fear of that negative evaluation and criticism from others, but recognizing that is not enough to reduce anxiety... and I do not "find" the underlying feelings/impulses... I very much appreciate your aid!

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

I would suggest that such patients are anxious about the feelings that arise about being on stage - the center of attention - and what reactions they might get from others. Go to the first time it happened and really investigate the feelings involved. You can also examine the most recent. Defense (self attack) work by masking the underlying feeling. The patient is not aware of anger toward others, for example, so you must help them go deeper. I wouldn't assume the patient is projecting criticism and negative evaluation and would bet that actually happened at some point. Find out who was demanding and critical regarding performance and go to the feelings toward them. It could also be that winning - and being in the spotlight if anxiety provoking because they have "beaten" others to get to that spot. There could be conflicts regarding rivalry and competition in play. Listen with the third ear!

[@Pedro-ew1dj]

@@patriciacoughlinphd1852 Thank you so much! I have been learning about the model thanks to your books and videos, and Jon Fredrickson's books. It is a luxury to have the possibility of talking here and having our questions answered. Thank you so much!

[@SylviabombsmithUjhy75bd34]

This is gold. This may be your best video yet. You brought your A game to this video Patricia. Thank you. Quick question: Is it always the case that is goes from feelings, to anxiety, to defences (in that order)? Or can it go the other way (feelings, to defences, to anxiety)? Or can it maybe even just go from feelings to EITHER anxiety OR defences (but not necessarily both..)? I hope this makes sense, thanks!

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

So glad you found this helpful. Yes, anxiety can completely take over and blanket the feelings that triggered it. When defenses work well, the patient is totally unaware of feelings and anxiety - but they also have a price.

[@muiske41]

As a regular human being i find your videos very interesting. I am learning so much about psychology and istdp. Love your work! i am wondering, is istdp a regular therapy model in the usa? I tried googling it in the netherlands and there aren't much practitioners here

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Yes - the field is growing. There are quite a few wonderful ISTDP therapists in the Netherlands. Contact me at [e-mail] and I will send you a list.

[@guzelbsk]

Hello Dr Coughlin, first of all I am very grateful for your videos, thanks a lot for your effort, it is very appreciated. I would like to ask how would be your approach to patients who tried to commit suicide(after their attempt), and to patients who are suicidal, I am having a big trouble about this issue. Thank you from Turkey 🥰

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

Thanks for your question. It's not possible to give a pat answer about how to treat suicidality, as your interventions must be case specific and tailored to the needs and capacities of each patient, as well as your understanding of that is driving the behavior.

[@guzelbsk]

Thank you so much for making the time to answer my question. I thought maybe in ISTDP there are some specific approaches, guides or interventions, and maybe suicide could be a topic for a video. As I find your videos very helpful. Thank you. @@patriciacoughlinphd1852

[@Olga-kr3mq]

Thank you for this video! This is very helpful. So the triangle of conflict helps identify the feelings, defenses and the response. Let's say the person is using dissociation to avoid feeling pain/anger/rage/resentment/sadness and is stuck in the being numb to their own feelings. What would be the way to guide them out of this state?

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

If someone is dissociating, they are over the optimal anxiety threshold and can't make use of your interventions. Anxiety must be down regulated first, then you can wonder what feelings were coming up toward you, or someone they were speaking about, just before their anxiety sky rocketed.

[@idontknowname-rl8yb]

Wow your voice is filled with love .it is like a hug ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

I'm so glad that comes through in the video.

[@p1nesap]

Wow this phone really does spy on me, as your video came up after I talked to a friend about similar. 🕵️ 😂 I've been on the third corner of avoidance for years. It blows. But the hurt of betrayal & manipulation (triangulation) can't be fixed. I've tried and am only met with hostility. Disclosure is antithetic to their agenda. On another note you have nice style.☺️

[@patriciacoughlinphd1852]

What happened can't be changed but the way in which you deal with your feelings about what happened and what you make it mean will give you your state of being - distressed or peaceful. This is an inside job.

[@p1nesap]

@@patriciacoughlinphd1852 Inside job, yes, thanks for the reminder Patty.

[@p1nesap]

@@patriciacoughlinphd1852 Seems everything is an inside job, ultimately.