Bad Borderline Therapists

[@AliciaMcIntire]

Thank you so much for reenforcing that it doesn't matter why someone is abusive; getting safe is what matters. So many on the internet want to diagnose their partner or ex instead of focusing on their own healing. Trust me, as someone who did date someone with an official diagnosis of being on the narcissism spectrum, knowing a diagnosis doesn't matter. What matters is understanding myself, what led me to the relationship, and how I can heal from the much older traumas and harmful schemas so I can have healthier relationships moving forward.

[@marys3738]

When I was very depressed and was looking for a therapist, the first question they’d ask was if I had a history of suicide attempts because they did not work with those patients. I do no have a history of that, but just the question made me think about those who do and are trying to find a therapist for help. 😮

[@silvermoonuk]

Good video and topic 👌

[@NinaLovesYou2014]

Thank you for posting this. I love your content and have been following you for some time. The content has helped me in my first semester of grad school and I am able to connect with the material because of your podcast. Happy holidays ❤

[@don611]

Why do you love 2014 :p

[@e.tominstead]

On the topic of therapist being scared of their clients kts (I'm using this abbreviation as typing it other ways triggers my OCD-- I am working on it tho. :3 ), it's amazing how that is such an understandable fear to have but I think it does end up goofing up a therapist's ability. I had a therapist who I was just starting to work with, who I shared with that I was afraid of a friend's (kys) ideation. I was beyond shocked when my therapist started to get a little intense and assert that I needed to call the police on my friend before they could kts. I explained to the therapist that while I am beyond terrified of losing said friend, I know them very well, and if I call the police at the wrong time I believe it will set them back and ultimately harm them. My therapist just continued, and while I wish I could remember the exact wording, I walked away with the feeling that the therapist was implying I would be at fault if I did not call the police and my friend did kts. (which, if anyone is reading this, just know that no... it would not be anyone's fault.) I had a very horrible day with my yet-to-be-diagnosed OCD that night. The next morning, I sent my therapist an email explaining that we would no longer be working together, that I could only assume their response and treatment of me in session was due to previous upsetting experience with someone who had KTS-- OR a fear of liability. That if it was the former reason, I found that completely inappropriate given their profession and the subjects they need to be comfortable working with. If it was the latter, then I found it inappropriate to prioritize that over my treatment in session. I know I got a response from them, apologizing and accepting the termination-- but I don't recall any of the words they used tbh. I hope I didn't go too hard on them, because tbh it's sad to me. It's sad that they potentially have that kind of fear or trauma even, I dont know. I have lost two people in my life already to kts. I cannot relate more to the pain and fear and urgency around someone potentially kts. And it makes me wonder--- what ARE therapists to do when they are triggered in session? It seems like a tough profession, I guess when I hear stories like these I just kinda hope more soon-to-be therapists know that their job is going to be really hard and it's unfortunately important they handle it.

[@imthinkingthoughts]

Psychs have a massive amount of liability, and ethics are drilled into them, so the psych was probably super afraid of something happening. There are also things like mandatory reporting which could be relevant in that situation. Regardless you shouldn’t have been made to feel that way, omg. if I had to try to make sense of it based on my worldview it would be that the psych was trying to preserve themselves (taking away their potential guilt in the situation) by blaming you. Super unprofessional, and I am very sorry you experienced this. You deserve much better so hopefully you find someone who works better for you!

[@imthinkingthoughts]

Part of their training should be to learn to differentiate. I was a volunteer crisis supporter at lifeline and we had great training around this. You’re absolutely right that being a therapist can be hard, but keep in mind some cases are harder than others, and therapist can choose their niche, plus can always choose to change, or can upskill on areas they aren’t competent or need more help

[@e.tominstead]

@@imthinkingthoughts thank you so much for the kind words! Yeah, I def think they had an emotional reaction, unfortunately it felt inappropriate in the setting and with what I was seeing the therapist for- I do hope they’re doing well out there though.

[@imthinkingthoughts]

@ I get the sense it would go beyond just feeling inappropriate, it think it was ethically questionable behaviour 😅 understanding where they potentially were coming from doesn’t justify it at all btw. I hope you can work through the many emotions that might come with it and get to a place where you recognise you are incredibly self-aware, courageous, knowledgeable, kind, compassion, and smart. All the best!

[@liannna212]

Well I used to see a therapist who couldn't handle me at all. She didn't seem to be competent in dealing with disregulated patients. After 3 months of therapy I felt like dysfunctional monster hence I really hope that therapist that don't feel comfortable or competent to help will admit that and recommend a specialist rather than wait for the patient to decide themselves. Honestly I was afraid to look for a new therapist cause I lost faith completely. Luckily I found someone very competent and I feel way better now.

[@DoorFamelicious]

for the person with the eating disorder, is it possible they made a typo and meant to say like "i have a response of rejecting my eating disorder THERAPIST'S* attempts to comfort me?" like shes struggling to allow the "other" therapist to connect with her because of her attachment to her "first" therapist?

[@DoorFamelicious]

or at least that's her perception? could just be that shes struggling to be vulnerable with a new person in general and is associating it with her first therapist because she has worked on that attachment, and its therapy. sometimes it feels like you can only have one close person, if that makes sense

[@crabofchaos7881]

I don't think it's a typo, the whole word is supposedly missing. As far as I know, compulsive destructive behaviors do bring the sense of comfort, and personifying them probably helps with saying "no thanks".

[@johnnada6855]

The thing goes like this, anyone with personality dissorder from the B cluster, has traits from each type, but one of them is the most predominant and the most disturbing on his or her life, for example a psychopath of course has some narcisist traits, but the antisocial traits are predominant and the narcisist one is secondary, at the same time, a narcisistic personality can be emotional unstable like a borderline personality but not at the level of the borderline, narcisist usually are a bit paranoid, depressive and can have eating problems like anorexia. A borderline woman can be histronic and seductive like a pure histrionic but she would be more emotional unstable than a pure histronic, which at the same time can be unstable but not at the level of a borderline, and so on... is kinda an spectrum but the category makes reference to the pathologic trait that is more predominant and stable in the person

[@jenniferfootman3257]

In story 1, you say that it's wrong that the therapist terminated. What is in the client's best interests? He's been working with the client for the BPD, but what's his experience with SI? Can he adequately help her? If not, did he refer her to soneone who can?

[@dumbdonny4824]

Their point is that SI is a core trait for ppl with BPD so being their therapist for that long and not being equipped for the situation that happened is a bit concerning. If you are trained to handle BPD you should be trained to handle all of BPDs symptoms

[@don611]

Seconddddddddd