Become an intellectual explorer: Master the art of conversation | Emily Chamlee-Wright | Big Think

Become an intellectual explorer: Master the art of conversation
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What is a great conversation? They are the ones that leave us feeling smarter or more curious, with a sense that we have discovered something, understood something about another person, or have been challenged.
There are 3 design principles that lead to great conversations: humility, critical thinking, and sympathetic listening.
Critical thinking is the celebrated cornerstone of liberalism, but next time you're in a challenging and rewarding conversation, try to engage sympathetic listening too. Understanding why another intelligent person holds ideas that are at odds with your own is often more enlightening than merely hunting for logic errors.
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EMILY CHAMLEE-WRIGHT
Dr. Emily Chamlee-Wright is the president and CEO of the Institute for Humane Studies, which supports and partners with scholars working within the classical liberal tradition. She was previously Provost and Dean at Washington College in Chestertown, Maryland. Prior to joining Washington College, she was Elbert Neese Professor of Economics and Associate Dean at Beloit College in Beloit, Wisconsin.
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TRANSCRIPT:
EMILY CHAMLEE-WRIGHT: So think about the last conversation you had where you thought, golly, that was such a great conversation. What did it feel like? Why did it seem like a really great conversation? And the chances are good that it was a kind of conversation that left you feeling smarter. It was the kind of conversation where you felt like you discovered something new, that it left you deeply curious about something else. It might have been a conversation that challenged you in all the right ways. That's a truly great conversation. It's one where we genuinely learn something or we come to a deeper understanding about why someone else holds a particular point of view. Right? That deeper understanding and that learning is what we're after with great conversations.
And so one of the things I'm interested in is what are the design principles of a great conversation. What are the essential elements that make a conversation truly a great conversation? And humility would be one basic design principle that we should all start from. Now with humility, I don't just mean deference to expertise, right, that you are so much smarter at that thing so I'm going to have humility with respect to you on that thing because you know more about it than I do. Now maybe that's true, right? But that's not the kind of humility I'm talking about, because that's a sort of humility that could come to an end, right? I could learn as much about that particular topic, and therefore with that kind of thinking I would say I can set aside my humility.
The kind of humility I'm talking about is the kind that you can't set aside. Because the world is an incredibly complicated place. None of us can ever have the full lock on truth. We can only see the world from a particular vantage point. And that means that our knowledge is going to have special insight because of our vantage point, but it's also going to be limited because of our vantage point. And so that limited knowledge that we can have about the world means that we must enter into any conversation with a deep sense of humility, because I need you to help me fill in my knowledge gaps. Right? And you need me. And that's the cool thing about conversation, is that it is mutual in the sense that both of us look at the same world from different vantage points, and that means that we each have something to offer the other. And that's true whether one person is the expert or not. Right? We have the opportunity to gain in our knowledge, to learn from anyone. With this way of thinking about humility, anyone can be your teacher, whether it's your professor, or whether it's an elementary school student who's lived on the planet in different circumstances than you lived on the planet. That elementary school student can teach you something that you can only get by talking with them. That's that deeper level of humility.
Some of the other key design elements of a great conversation would be, for example, critical thinking and sympathetic listening. There's a lot that gets said about critical thinking; it's that ability and eagerness to identify gaps in logic or shortfalls in evidence-based argumentation. It is the cornerstone of what it means to have a liberal education...
To read the full transcript, go to bigthink.com/sponsored-instit...

[@bigthink]

What is the key to master the art of conversation?

[@aliasofanalias7448]

@@jaydenbakes2874 You're fusing logic with instinct which are two ends of the spectrum. There is no right time to act on instinct besides when it feels right, instinctively.

[@aliasofanalias7448]

@@jaydenbakes2874 Nah you don't mate, you sound like a thinker and it was a good question because it made me think too. Trust me man, I'm a stoner; I come out with all sorts of random shit. Nothing wrong with pondering. I'm glad you agree with me though.

[@aliasofanalias7448]

@@jaydenbakes2874 Oh man it can open your mind in many ways but it literally replaces receptors so your brain can take in more THC, the first receptors to be replaced are those associated with memory, so they say. Anyone who tries to deny the fact it's potentially bad for you is an idiot haha, although there are certainly some good aspects. Main issue is paranoia, I experience it a lot and it definitely clouds my judgement but I've always had an overactive mind and for me it's nice to pacify it occasionally. Pros and cons. I don't think we know as much as we think we know about how the brain works though, we seem to relate it to the latest tech at our disposal; Egyptians thought our brains worked like hydropower, then with the invention of clockwork we related our brain patterns to that. Now we relate our brains to computers, but it's thought that they don't work like this at all. Excuse the tangent but I thought you'd find this interesting. Don't get me wrong I'm the first person to call someone out for being a dumbass but it is my belief that it takes a truly intelligent person to question their own logic, just as you have, so respect to you as well. I tend to remind myself that everyone is a product of their own surroundings and we can only grasp something based on our understanding of the concept, an understanding that we develop from lived experiences. Would anyone commit any kind of act if they didn't believe, in their mind, that it was the right thing to do? What ever the reason may be, people must have some kind of logic behind their actions. Perspective is something I find very interesting. In fact it's the subject of one of my favourite quotes: "Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was myself. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man." - Zhang Zhou

[@aliasofanalias7448]

@@jaydenbakes2874 Never had someone react to my philosophy in such ways, I take that as a compliment haha. Ego is the main issue when people debate, it's human nature to get defensive when someone or something contests a belief/opinion that you hold and that can actually lead to people becoming more close minded than they were before the debate where someone tried to open their mind. I had a genuine debate with a neo nazi once about why his theories were ridiculous in my eyes. He removed all his comments in the end, I like to think I may have swayed his mind but it's more probable that he just left to find someone to reciprocate his beliefs where I didn't. I reference this a lot but I'm sure you know what cognitive dissonance is. We can't possibly move forwards as a species if we don't let go of such reactions, whether learned or innate. A lot of people listen to reply, rather than to understand. That is a problem too. It seems our brain's work in very similar ways mate. Not much to add to what you said besides the fact I've always thought exactly the same. I do think what you speak of is the next evolutionary step for humanity; to be truly sentient, aware of everything everywhere. Think of a flock of birds for the sake of analogy, they all know where they are going and what they are doing, they don't question it, they just do it because they know to. Perhaps we did though? Perhaps we lost this ability when we developed our intelligence? Or perhaps we are just evolved from the most barbaric species in the animal kingdom and there is no hope for us 😂. Who am I to say? I feel the same as you I imagine. Since I can remember I've always had a fascination for the unknown, especially when it comes to human psychology. They say absolute power corrupts, so does absolute knowledge? Either way I will seek to understand my surroundings to the best of my ability until I no longer can. I'm glad you have found this discussion interesting, as have I. Don't for a second think that you might be boring me. I try to have these conversations all the time with family and friends and the topic quickly gets diverted to small talk, which is something I simply can't do unless I'm genuinely interested. It's been nice to converse with a like-minded individual.

[@aliasofanalias7448]

@@jaydenbakes2874 I agree with your last comment as well. Unfortunately those who aren't ignorant must seek bliss elsewhere haha. I've had breaks before and noticed my brain power coming back within a couple of days. Simple things go right over my head when I'm stoned but I can talk about shit like this for days.

[@prkpay]

Humility: The world is too complex for one person to be an expert on everything. Each of us have a unique vantage point from which we see and experience the world. This affords us opportunities to find out how other people, with different experiences, see and interpret the world. Approach each conversation with humility with regards to the other person's level of expertise and mainly keeping in mind the fact that every person has something unique to offer that can only be gained through them. No one has the whole lock on truth. Critical thinking: Question your assumptions, check your biases, look logical errors. Be curious. Sympathetic listening: Assume that each person you are talking to is smart and intelligent. Listen without hunting for logical fallacies/missteps and try to actually understand why this smart/rationale person has a different take from you on a topic.

[@valhatan3907]

Woah, nice summary

[@hikari69]

Thank you i needed this

[@mckamy4711]

This is very true, if you see everyone as being able to offer you deeper knowledge of something, you will naturally be more interested in speaking with virtually anyone and be less judgemental as every conversation will be an opportunity of intellectual and emotional growth

[@seisopheapanya7528]

Thanks for your note

[@avonsternen6034]

A deep enough understanding of anything reflects the same essential Truth. Each person's unique perspective is part of the variation of the music of Life unfolding. Sympathetic listening without assumptions: acknowledge inherent dignity and yes, listen to understand, learn and if appropriate to help amplify, enhance, clarify, refine.

[@user-ip9fp8ug5y]

“The comment section is just full of people quoting shit to seem smart.” -someone, probably

[@User-jr7vf]

-me.

[@lobstered_blue-lobster]

".......and get likes"

[@lobstered_blue-lobster]

@@User-jr7vf no me

[@MightyD_93]

Meta Joke

[@gilbertjapardi1992]

U too lol

[@lifepsycleofficial24]

This truly makes me rethink my understanding of humility when listening. Some major takeaways for me where- 1. Enter the conversation with a deep sense of humility 2. Knowing that the other person knows something that I don't given their unique experiences in life 3. Critical thinking and empathetic listening with a commitment to understand the other person's point of view setting aside my views and my hunt for mis-step of logic for a moment. Thank you Big Think for these videos!

[@suumcuique4530]

I would call empathetic listening active listening. At least that is what it was called as I first stumbled upon it. It takes effort to truly listen to somebody and to not listen only waiting for the moment the other person is finished so you can hear yourself speak.

[@lifepsycleofficial24]

@@suumcuique4530 indeed!

[@g.j]

I am not really interested to average conversation.

[@osse1n]

Whenever we think that we know - we close our minds for new wisdom to enter *Don't be a believer, become a seeker*

[@McDoodle44]

Seems the KZbin algorithm is suggesting the same videos to us

[@osse1n]

@@McDoodle44 I actually chuckled to this. It's not a coincidence buddy.

[@sir3986]

Yo! Lol...i see u on the 🐱 down the road's channel too

[@junkjunk2493]

believer vs seeker ??? good one i like that im a seeker i dont believe shit

[@biller2000]

O'SSÉIN - Master Your Mind With Me We are better to say we know nothing than to say we know many things, because we are all born ignorant.

[@dorianphilotheates3769]

“None of us can have the full lock 🔐 on truth” - true, except for my sister. She knows everything. She once thought she was wrong about something, but as it turned out, she was mistaken.

[@leemanebraheem8785]

Dorian Philotheates this is funny

[@charonmiles]

She was, however, wrong about being wrong.

[@dorianphilotheates3769]

Garry M - Shhh!🤫 She doesn’t like to be reminded...

[@chriskeene241]

I didn’t realise but I must have married your sister

[@dorianphilotheates3769]

Chris Keene - Welcome to the family! We must have a feast.

[@ttayms]

This video is being recommended to the intellectually curious. Hey google, recommend it to people who aren’t. Please

[@super_5402]

okay buddy

[@ttayms]

I’m self conscious enough to realize that I’m intellectually curious. That’s not pride.

[@super_5402]

@@ttayms just pulling your leg

[@nathanielfleku3416]

Algorithm

[@YashpalKrishna]

They wouldn't click on it

[@superawesomejeff]

It's amazing how many people are saying the same things in different ways. Treat yourself and each other better. Stay humble and be compassionate. Grow. Learn. Try to make the world a better place.

[@morou8042]

Jeff Wilkinson I agree

[@michaelcorcoran3942]

Do on to others as you would have them do on to you. (only if they are okay with that haha)

[@sam314]

Of course

[@SampsfaN]

Amen

[@valhatan3907]

@@michaelcorcoran3942 this quote hits home.

[@BrainsApplied]

*The most important thing is listening.* Listening makes people feel valued and will make the invest time in you and in a deep conversation 😊

[@Antonio-ck2hp]

You're absolutely right. People don't listen actively and are just ready to unload their argument or ideas unto you . its all about building constructive conversations

[@GStone]

I find that to be true. Even going so far as to be vulnerable with respect for boundaries.

[@chaoticnique9748]

Depends on the person

[@ellesrevisionsession]

Unless you listen too much. Then ppl judge you as vacant and boring

[@Milanvaneijk]

Wow. I literally had a conversation today about this topic. Thank you Big Think & Emily Chamlee-Wright for helping me to improve it further.

[@Perform555]

We need more role models like her in our world. How beautifull is it for someonek to speak in such a way. Its an art.

[@anthonyabeja3151]

Our knowledge is supposed to work in tandem with others' knowledge; this is where conversation plays a key role. But the hardest part about any dialogue, I think, is accurately describing your thoughts or environment, and this can affect how your knowledge works with others'.

[@plerpplerp5599]

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. Aristotle

[@HowToWatchMovies]

Humility! That’s so simple and so beautiful. It makes so much sense when I think of some of the best conversations I’ve had. This attitude turns even scary topics into a kind of play.

[@quietlyI]

Genuine curiosity coupled with the courage and trust needed for both all to grow, (which means being outside their comfort zones). So there must be the ability to transcend taking-things-personally. Great conversations are ones where we are honest and don’t hold back

[@whiterabbit3860]

This is what today's world needs filled with dogmas and low end discussion if any.

[@schase10353]

The Pisces processional constellation, under which we stand, represents the age of belief and doubt. We are transitioning to the Aquarius orientation, which is always accompanied by a rise in consciousness. We are CURRENTLY unconscious, but I see the signs that we are slowly waking up. (By the way, I am not speaking of astrology or horoscopes, both of which are dogmas. Instead, I'm speaking from an archetypal and psychological perspective) For whatever reason, human consciousness changes with the orientation of the procession, so even though the horoscopes are 2,000 years off, the patterns still hold true. Graham Hancock talks a bit about it in "Message of the Sphinx", also there is a book, albeit written in a Christian perspective, is still very useful if you replace the word angel with archetype. It's called, "Seven Archangels: Rhythms of Inspiration in the History of Culture and Nature" by Emil Pales.

[@schase10353]

@R RQ Be careful of the Magician's grandiosity, my friend. Robert Moore called that the Detached Manipulater/Denying Innocent shadow of the Thinking archetype of mankind. We are not more intelligent than our predecessors, just more well informed. Yet, we become confused because there is too much ill-informed information. In my view liberalism is as polarized as conservatism, globalism as dogmatic as nationalism. Sure, unchecked nationalism leads to outsourcing our sovereignty, but globalism doesn't believe in objective truth. Mao's cultural revolution was just as horrifying as Hitler's third reich. The multiverse theory has found it's way into globalistic dogmas, such as perennialism. However, all ideas are not equal as they would have you believe, they can't all be true and others are more true than most. If you don't believe in objective truth then anything can seem valid, when in fact, they contradict each other. Masculinity and femininity are not a scale because the dichotomies are present in the natural world's dualistic nature. Some ideas should be conserved and others should be liberated. It's a case by case basis. That is why I am not Republican OR Democrate, neither nationalist nor globalist, niether conservative nor liberal, because I see the beauty in both arguments and where they apply. This takes critical thought, something rare in our society.

[@Random-rs9bl]

@R RQ hahaha good rebuttal

[@gongusdeedeetow1510]

@@schase10353 time wave stuff there. You should look into terrence mckenna.

[@jaksonspiotta6549]

…and lack of proper punctuation.

[@sasha_nivar]

Emily thank you so much for taking the time to share your wisdom and insights on having great conversation, I walk this earth open to engage with anyone who is willing to have interesting dialogue together

[@latoyadale5747]

It's great when you can have intellectual conversations with a person or people that you can learn from one another or learn something new. Conversations like those make you feel smarter and wish that the conversation didn't have to end!🤓 Instead of having basic conversations that make you feel like you are being interrogated!🙄 For example basic conversations: What you do today? Where you going? Are you married? Are you in a relationship? How's the weather? Etc. Then after you answered all of the basic questions and the basic conversation goes dry, you leave feeling empty!🤦🏽‍♀️ Conversations of no substance leaves you feeling drained!🙃

[@slimeballsake]

Its prolly why i got NO drive to talk at all these days, shit aint aligning with me

[@nick55ification]

I could listen to this woman all day......feels right

[@jasnarmstrng]

The principles here are powerful tools for understanding. Blessed to have found this.

[@Stanfromaroundtan]

Wow, I love how well she articulates what had so far been on my mind. :)

[@danielsaunders5329]

Ballsack ass nuggets

[@doriannamjesnik3007]

@@danielsaunders5329 poetic.

[@abc64933]

Great insight! Also, I feel like most of the times, the point of a conversation isn't necessarily to try and convince someone of something, but rather understand where their point is coming from.

[@kunalkpotdar]

I replayed this video the moment she said, "set aside your logic and reasoning". It helped !!

[@supremereader7614]

Great video, especially about that sympathetic listening instead of just injecting your own view.

[@avonsternen6034]

What a beautiful description of humility and enrichment of the kind of understanding that tends to enhance experience. Genuine expertise reflects qualitative insight. Intellect has to do with the realm of ideas.

[@albertloan396]

Truly loved this. Will be sharing far and wide. So glad to see nearly half a million views.

[@mutually_assured_destruction_]

Confucius said: Walking among three people, I find my teacher among them.

[@megamind6000]

_A man is known by the company he keeps._

[@mutually_assured_destruction_]

By walking among three people - he meant walking amount any three people, not necessarily the company one keeps.

[@djvelocity]

Confucius also said, to be poor in a rich country is acceptable, but to be rich and a poor country is shameful (I’m paraphrasing of course). I really liked this when I read the Analects of Confucius

[@jeradjenkins2110]

Confucius say don’t forget to flush

[@soulesswanderer2452]

诸葛亮，not confucius, in mandarin 三个臭皮匠 胜过诸葛亮

[@magicmerls291]

That's how every conversation with my gf goes. She's legit the smartest and most entertaining person I've ever met.

[@ThePathOfEudaimonia]

Ah, man. She sounds great! ...Do you have her number for me, so that I can date her?

[@magicmerls291]

@@ThePathOfEudaimonia nah sorry I dont think she would be interested as she still is my girlfriend.

[@ThePathOfEudaimonia]

@@magicmerls291 Ah, bummer!

[@munishyadav456]

@@ThePathOfEudaimonia 😂😂😂

[@hazarhamouda3671]

that's so lovely!

[@techbrat7129]

Elements of good conversation: Humility (we only see the world from a specific vantage point so our limited knowledge should leave us open to fill in our knowledge gaps from anyone) Critical Thinking Sympathetic reasoning ( commitment to understanding their POV)

[@Nerf_Jeez]

Heey, this perfectly encapsulates what I've thought up about conversation until now, thanks for putting it out there so clearly

[@BusterDarcy]

Had a guy at work who only engaged in instant reaction critical thinking and had zero sympathetic listening skills and it was a nightmare. I tried giving him feedback on it, said many of the things covered in this video, but it barely made a difference. Some people just can’t listen to others, they can only listen for the perceived flaws or the gaps in what they expect others should be saying.

[@jareerareerarr5053]

send him this video

[@scottoconnor8986]

Been there, Done that.

[@KayFlowidity]

1:50 Humility 👌👌👌 3:20 Critical Thinking 4:10 Sympathetic Listening

[@satnamo]

Humility is das foundation of greatness. It is my ambition To write what people say Or do not say In 1 sentence.

[@anoncrazynonevilgooddecent7631]

The last convo I had felt like a great convo because it was ideological, purposeful, meaningful, deep and interesting

[@geoben1810]

Be kind, Be empathetic Be compassionate Be humble Be aware Do onto others as you would have others do unto you. 😊

[@themije]

This is one of my deep desires. But I don't have enough people around me that can make me feel this satisfaction from a conversation.

[@aamirafzal3992]

If you feel you know everything, you lead a stagnant life. The curiosity to learn and explore is what drives a human to seek for more and seek new things that might have been completely unexplored territories.

[@MrJsourouh]

Really like the point about sympathize reasoning. I often fall into the habit of purely examining the logic/critical thinking aspect without actually hearing what they’re trying to explain about how they see the world

[@kamilien1]

her sympathetic understanding is what i call empathetic -- i can "feel" what you feel. Sympathy is then providing emotional support for that feeling. I like empathetic listening and sympathy is optional.

[@jareerareerarr5053]

Sympathetic in the context of reasoning and arguments isn't about feeling what the other person feels, it means, that if you are arguing against a point, you should argue against the best version of that point, with no added fallacies, and not trying to present the other persons' argument more weakly.

[@kamilien1]

@@jareerareerarr5053 Thanks for the explanation, I'm lost though. Are you saying sympathetic understand means i should debate against what i believe the other person believes is the best version of that point?

[@nathanielfleku3416]

@@kamilien1 yh man, I think that'll be a really tough way to argue. I mean when I argue I guess I try to break the opposing argument down to its weakest before I begin to counter it.

[@kamilien1]

@@nathanielfleku3416 good point. do you think if the argument is right/wrong or weak/strong?

[@kamilien1]

@@jareerareerarr5053 Sorry, that doesn't add up for me. Sympathy is "understanding between people; common feeling" and you're saying the "best" version of a point. That doen't make sense to me. I'm also not talking about strengths / weaknesses. Maybe you're referring to another comment and not mine?

[@daddy6757]

The pleasure of understanding something is the ultimate feeling in a world of uncertainty and absurdity. Though the more we know and understand only make us realise more things that we don't get.

[@mtn10001]

Such a positive advice. Thankyou

[@billbrenne5475]

Social skills and mastering the art of conversations are things for people who are maybe more socially motivated than anything else. I know this from my own upbringing and experience.

[@alpha_leo5054]

So much knowledge and experience compressed in 5 minutes...Just Amazing 😲

[@war1990]

My husband is not into this type of convo. I've always admired and have curiousity about history, science, religions, all political stuffs, etc. And his reaction disappoints me whenever I got excited to share what I learn/know or trying to get into this topic with him like he wasn't even focus at all. Breaks my heart more when he's trying to change the topic with some stupid random stuff he did. It's unfair to me as I have tried learning his interest in every aspect but he could not even do the same thing. He knew I was into this stuff since day 1 and he could not care less. Still wanted me and dumb me I gave him chance. Now I don't feel the need to have deep conversation with him anymore and it get annoying sometimes when he tries to talk with me cause I have confess everything what I wanted for his part but he still didn't get my point. Seeing his face just pisses me off and i hate this feeling but I can't control it. I don't have kids yet, I don't have friends, i don't have job cause he never lets me. I only have him for someone to talk to. And with him being that way. I don't know what else am i supposed to do. We rarely go out cause he said is a waste of time. We never even shopping in any mall. Let alone buying things for me. I hate myself. I just wish to d** alone.

[@ChollieD]

We navigate through life using a series of models about how things work. These models are often only built out just enough for us to function, but if it's a subject that we care about such as our profession, they can be very detailed. But no matter how well-constructed, our models cannot conform to reality in every way; there will always be predictions that they will get wrong. Therefore even our best models can lead us astray. This is why we need other people, who are like parallel processors that have received different data and have inferred different models than our own. Other people can tell us what features they find important, and can see where our own models are wanting far faster than we could discover on our own. It's also why we need free speech, to speak ourselves but even more importantly to have the opportunity to listen. Restrict it if you dare, but you are virtually guaranteeing self-harm!

[@roadrunner90]

I wish the media and politicians kept these things in mind during conversations.

[@zrapboy7]

It doesn't serve their interest

[@nightfighter7452]

Ha ha

[@lovechurchkeithcfinnieseni6195]

Really great insight. That’s why I love the Book of Proverbs.

[@orenthiadillard8993]

The key to learning is listening.

[@datahat642]

It was an exciting and informative video highlighting the little points to keep in mind and practice. However, I feel a bit more of adequate pauses at the right time would have added to its essence.

[@JorGenWesTgaarD]

This is mainstream ideology's biggest weakness. That love, kindness and equality is always the answer, but we need to listen to the ideas of suffering, hate and hierarchies aswell. But they can be hard to discuss because you can easily be branded as evil for trying to just explore the topic.

[@AnkitKumar25]

I can't agree more with you. What we fail to understand is we can't be right all the time. That's a domain still far from our grasp. The moment anyone is even slightly incorrect people just pounce on him/her to paint them as wrongdoers and just frame it for everyone to see. It's very appalling, really.

[@strateia8]

I think this comment misses the point: she never talked about love or any other warm fuzzy feeling. It's about seeing from the other person's point of view, not to agree with them but to understand how *this* person thinks what they do. It's that sympathetic listening she mentioned. I do get it - frustrated or mystified or horrified that people could think of, say, voting for Trump. The language of designing a great conversation here is overblown. If conversation takes at least two voices, great conversations call for at least two people willing to take part in the give and take. Without that, it's hard to walk away feeling "mud blown" by the attempt at talking with someone.

[@TK-ju5hv]

Wherever the hell you are we must be friends!! Because what you just wrote here is EXACTLY EXACTLY WHATS been on my mind. It's damn true !!!

[@helloworldlalala]

Listening to someone does not equal to agreeing or complying. I do agree there's a tendency for mainstream ideology to shut up people who deviate from the message of love, kinds and equality. This kind of "cancel culture" stifles real conversations. I don't think that's what this speaker is proposing here though.

[@TK-ju5hv]

@@helloworldlalala so all you damn well thinking people bloody exist?? Again i agree. Listening does NOT mean compliance whatsoever.

[@gerardshorticultureculture7579]

Great topic. Great key points

[@moron0000]

It's... Weird, but this video has a massive oversight: Most people who we talk to will *not* have 1-The practical knowledge to see conversations in the same way we do; («that» being everything this video exposes), 2-The personality and emotional traits needed to have the same aproach to conversations, and 3-The simple reasons needed to hold a chat to the same standards. That's why speaking to high-functioning individuals tends to be much more satisfactory than their average counterparts. Most people simply can't be bothered to listen, nor they can add anything meaningfull to the interaction. Let's just take a moment to cry about it in silence while we think about this.

[@2legit178]

LOVE THIS. APPRECIATE YOU 🖤

[@NothingMaster]

You forgot to mention an essential element in the art of an effective conversation and that is to avoid making certain impression-based statements, even if they happen to be highly relevant and supported by repeated observations, in an attempt to avoid creating an emotional rift. Sometimes effective conversation and good decorum require that one tones down the raw 100% honesty in order for the communicational chain not to become broken. Keep in mind that such an attitude is categorically different from political correctness, subliminal emotional manipulation, or omission with intent to deceive. Here is an example to illustrate the point (and I assure you, I do NOT mean to be condescending or insulting at all): The whole time that I was watching the video I was thinking that your smiles looked rather out of place, contrived, and extremely distracting (at least to me) but that’s a kind of impression that one should quietly and graciously keep to himself and not express out loud, otherwise it might come across as an extremely potent conversation destroyer.

[@cdagger2862]

"Extremely potent conversation destroyer." I like the way you think. Well said! LOL! I don't think she's going to want to talk to you anytime soon!

[@cc1912]

Great video. Really appreciate the metaphor of a "vantage point", or rather, we all operating from our unique perceptive biases.

[@IsaacJoshi]

These are some really good points

[@tatiyana8934]

Great message! - Thank You very much! and Thank you very much for the measuring such a useful and clear design elements of having a great conversation - I think, skills of having a great conversation - are one of the most important to eliminate personal time losts - 👍✌👍👍✌ - It's really great - Thank You - 🙏

[@sarcasmbanega5997]

Privet. Kak dela?

[@AluminumBird]

thank you! please make a deep, wide course of this and produce it as a mooc

[@wesleymorton7878]

nice video, thanks...I think "cognitive empathy" is a better description than "sympathy" for what you describe

[@touchheartyoga]

Emily, I wish you'd spoken more on the misstep in logic.

[@yeahok6595]

Everyone on the internet should know this, sadly this isn't the case, especially the part about humility lol.

[@sanketpaudel1239]

Interesting. Thank you!

[@kein_indianer]

Well done.

[@user-yk9sk7pg6v]

Very good. Thank you.

[@johnburnett4035]

Wow that was a beautiful assessment

[@namandevda8586]

Very accurate, great.

[@Skateforlifelad]

People are so freaking amazing, when you start listening more you will be amazed at what other people have to say

[@matthewjohnstone7324]

Everyone's conversations would be like Aaron Sorkin dialogue all the time just imagine

[@AlejandroCastroDelgado]

Very enlightening. I enjoyed this clip

[@bigthink]

Glad you've enjoyed the clip, Alex!

[@williammacuglia591]

I agree completely. Now where do I find these people that try to conversate with smart and filled with reason opinions that you speak of?

[@dorianphilotheates3769]

This man is a great conversationalist.

[@ohwellwhateverr]

You need your eyes and ears checked.

[@dorianphilotheates3769]

ohwellwhateverr - Do I?

[@appushekar73]

"Empathetic Listening" would be a better fit vs Sympathic Listening. Sympathy sets us on a higher pedestal even before we start. Open for discussion 😊 Wonderful presentation

[@ChatGPT-ef6sr]

I’ve been using this kind of humility in a Third World country for years now. It brought me just conflict not conversation. I think it would be a very good anthropological study to see the differences between developed and underdeveloped countries with regard to this.

[@quadraticproductions3883]

Essential elements that make a conversation into a great conversation: (1) Humility: No one has the full perspective on truth because we can only see one particular vantage point at any given moment. This limited perspective comes with gaps that can be filled by conversing with others, which is mutually beneficial. (2) Critical Thinking: Both the ability AND the eagerness to identify gaps in logic or evidence. (3) Sympathetic Listening: A commitment to understanding that comes from asking oneself, "am I really understanding from that other person's point of view?". A willingness to set aside, even briefly, the hunt for logic gaps and instead ask, "why did this smart person come to a different conclusion?"

[@krister6160]

Humility Critical thinking Sympathetic listening

[@guiguspi]

Happy to realize that I probably already do that

[@JungkookBestBoy1]

I love going in depth with what I am trying to say.

[@khizzard_069]

Same here More of an introvert's conversation,ig?

[@homeworkats5266]

WOW !! ..I REALLY ENJOYED THIS VIDEO.

[@amyc.513]

I love this!

[@theegreatestever2420]

Love it!

[@Yanessa97]

I haven't had a great conversation in a while. Tbh, I miss it. But I have no friends.

[@ArjunBRArj]

Gud...I love to get better at my communication and presentation.

[@haniefsofi]

Well said. Thanks

[@gsp_admirador]

Very informative, thanks!

[@thapelochele2466]

Humility Critical thinking Sympathetic listener

[@wahyuagustianmanurung2439]

Humility, critical thinking, and sympathetic listening. That's it.

[@kumartatsat868]

super awesome video!!!

[@Lawleet]

Informative video, well this helps a lot 😊

[@crasherror]

Amazing break down…

[@MansaKimani]

Now this in itself is a great conversation. I have discovered something. Grateful for the insights. More Life.

[@luislorenzomartinez1174]

this is a great video! What about this: if you've done your best to do some sympathetic listening, but you're now sure that the person's wrong in some way, maybe for a deeper reason that's making them think that way, what do you do? Do you apply the socratic method of argument and start asking why til they find out they're wrong? Honest question!

[@pranavshukla321]

That was humbling.

[@pathtoknowledge6847]

Excellent

[@meman24]

"sympathetic listening" might save us all.

[@cdagger2862]

Or cause us to strangle our "irreverent neighbors" because we just can't stand it anymore!

[@Its.just.mee3]

@@cdagger2862 lol

[@jnl8081]

Excellent points. My only concern is the human curse of coming to a conversation or argument with a preconceived notion truth, justice, morals, etc. In other words, a Presupposition.

[@tahirmdnumanlaskar2552]

Wise words ma'am!!!

[@AA-wc3tw]

I typically meet people who want to have surface-level conversations about trivial topics. It's rare for me to encounter someone who wants to talk about MORE than that. Because I find those trivial conversations boring, and I feel zero connection/stimulation, I don't talk much. And therefore, people don't find me interesting and don't return to me or want to build a friendship.

[@hassansaeed5633]

Great idea, but very difficult to find someone who can listen to others in such conversation. Most of us so busy in nothing.

[@sadderwhiskeymann]

that was really deep. thank you! one question though: what if we are dealing with a genuine idiot? maybe possibly a bad person? do we still have to learn something worthed? thank you again.

[@thoughtsfromahead]

Absolutely. Those who test us can teach us the most. Moral relativism is a fun mental exercise if you feel you don't get enough cardio.

[@sadderwhiskeymann]

something about myself.... i see what you did here!

[@me_lero]

The thing I learn from “bad people” is to listen even more carefully to what they say. They are dangerous so I need to know what their plan is.

[@Nestoras_Zogopoulos]

@@me_lero define bad people. 99% of the time they are just misrepresented/misunderstood and not actually bad people.

[@valeravoronin7956]

Summary: be curious because you don’t know what value you can get out of a conversation.