Become The Person You WANT To Be | Being Well Podcast, Dr. Rick Hanson

We’re getting toward the end of the year, and it’s a great opportunity to evaluate where we are and where we’d like to go. On today's episode, @RickHanson joins me to explore how we can step out of the way we've been, and into a new way of thinking, doing, and being.
We talk about self-concept, unconscious beliefs, and how those beliefs affect our behavior. I then share a model of what this kind of change tends to look like practically, which usually includes relax our attachment to the things that are holding us back. We discuss getting down to "the tip of the root," taking a step back from our narratives, and how we can challenge limiting beliefs.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:20 Self-concept, how unconscious beliefs affect behavior, and freedom
5:30 Appraisals and attributions
9:30 The way we spin our self-narrative, and holding onto grievances
14:15 Being honest with ourselves when we feel stuck
19:35 Changing behavior before changing thinking
24:35 Values and behaviors
28:25 Underlying fears and practical confusion
33:20 Taking your experiences less personally
35:40 Finding the motivation to get our hands dirty
41:15 Negativity bias and appreciative inquiry
47:50 First steps when you’re feeling discouraged
56:15 Recap
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson

[@elstal22]

My thoughts about drinking alcoholic beverages alone in my house, and my general food preferences, changed after I started exercising by taking long, vigorous walks almost daily. The healthy decisions I couldn’t previously will myself to make started coming naturally after my exercise behavior changed. P.S, I’m listening to this discussion as I’m walking. So my exercise in many ways encompasses self care.

[@bellaluce7088]

Props to you! : - ) Noticing that some habits have exponential positive effects helps me motivate. Having sugar as an occasional treat instead of daily is like that for me. I effortlessly WANT more vegetables when extreme spikes and valleys of insulin, blood sugar, and dopamine are no longer working against my intention of giving myself healthier food. Huzzah! ❤🤩

[@amyjohnson8389]

Thanks!

[@vivianamartinez1050]

I love how Rick always wants to put a soundtrack into the podcast 🤭

[@ForrestHanson]

😂

[@ineedmorestuff]

Great episode today! I love the concept of "doing precedes thinking." The body can help to regulate and solidify our thinking and can show us what we're actually capable of doing as opposed to only thinking it so. A lot of it boils down to "being willing to get your hands dirty" and do the work necessary to understand and to change! Thanks for the great insights!

[@ForrestHanson]

Thanks for watching so closely!

[@BarbraDrizin]

I have been meaning to say this many times. Forest, you are the most engaging, likable, knowledgable person - with a beautiful. nature and smile. I love listening to you. Your father has done well in raising such a lovely, respectful son. I work with estranged parents and grandparents - and the modeling of you and your father is just magnificent, a breath of fresh air, that makes us so willing to listen and learn.

[@kristenwolch]

Hi Forrest (and Rick)! You were speaking about reviewing our steps to see where we went wrong and it made think of something Martha Beck calls "walking back the cat." It's from her book "The Way of Integrity". I would love to hear anything you have to say about Martha Beck. She also describes "one degree turns" to making change, which I thought of when Rick talked about one percent changes. Sending gratitude your way for sharing your contemplations with the world, they definitely resonate with me ❤

[@conniecaroline9975]

Gosh this podcast is just brilliant. I listen all the time from Melbourne, Australia ❤

[@eli7527]

23:05 that’s so deep

[@user-ik8xk8cv8s]

When I listen to you both, I'm always reminded of how rare your willingness to be candid and vulnerable is. When done in the service of helping people, that level of honesty and openness shines through that which might seem unfixable.

[@cindygates6577]

This topic is perfect for the end of an old year and beginning of a new one. Both your knowledge and kind hearted dialogue aids to want to try to crack that seemingly hard nut for desired change. I am also a big fan of Lisa Lahey and her teachings of the Immunity to Change approach. I am grateful to your podcast and have been an active listener from the beginning. I often use it as "homework" for my clients who do not resonate to reading.

[@a12i9]

Seeing your life as a story of great triumph is genius, that's a narrative I definitely need to practice. Reframing my memories, in a way.

[@jeangraham5351]

So many possible future casts in this one. Everytime I go over it again, I see a new possible subject. Looking forward to next year, guys..!

[@user-bz6ec2nq9r]

Forrest and Rick, can you recommend some books or videos that help me dig deeper on becoming “free?“ Love your show.

[@user-de4tf3ch7b]

Another excellent episode. Exquisite recap at the end, Forrest. Long time Being Well podcast listener. I can’t get enough of your content. I’m a new mom and mother-in-law struggles are extra hard to navigate with my 7-month old in the mix. I really appreciated this episode and how I can do more work on my self to be the person I want to be amidst the turmoil. On a related note, I wonder if you could do an episode on in-laws. I remember in your recent episode with Amy Morin she said that in-laws was one of the top reasons people come into her office so I feel as if it might be a relatable topic for many. Thank you both, I recommend your show to everyone in my life ❤

[@meaghanswitzer888]

Dear Grandma : You may want to explore that . “ Set in your ways” to find your real true self . Get curious and insightful ❤ She’s still there tucked deep inside. Waiting to change and grow. What a lovely opportunity for you to be vulnerable , with your Granddaughter . Lucky you ♥️

[@margotclemente5478]

Thank you both for your candor and willingness to share personal experiences. It makes the concepts come to life and easier to understand. Thank you again. Happy new year!

[@maryvetter1088]

It's always nice to hear your soothing voice & good advice.

[@sharynmain2432]

‘…..Becomes the banks of the stream that guides you into the life that you want…..’ a very profound statement Rick. Nice.

[@santisanti8386]

Yes, I can do many things and it still doesn't make me love myself or do the crucial things. Somebody new - I've become many times and it doesn't work, and I've come far. Your mistake is that you treat it like it's in your head and it's not. Behavior changes do not work, they just make it bearable for a while.

[@eli7527]

31:08 I relate to this

[@hawkhead-band6110]

What a fascinating and beautiful episode, thank you.

[@thealfman7830]

I literally started going through a process of doing this today. UNCANNY. thanks for the help Guys

[@ForrestHanson]

Always great when things line up like that.

[@sydneyspencer7508]

“You’re dating yourself with that reference Dad” lol!! 😂 hey I know that song….

[@sharynmain2432]

I am 52 and I too like that tune… from one old wise owl to another. I see you and hear your ‘hoot’. 😮

[@Centuari]

Really enjoyed this one!

[@LaLaLaurino14]

I have been trying to search the podcasts to see if there’s an episode on codependency and haven’t found anything. I’m not sure if requests are taken into account but I would LOVE to get an episode on that!!

[@ruby12673]

Thanks so much

[@Marie33566]

thank you 🙏🏻

[@karenr5870]

43:14 love this

[@sharynmain2432]

Hello. Season greetings to you both. A probing question. Rick has mentioned his university days at the tender age of 16-17 years of age. ‘A bright boy that show’s potential’. 😊 Rick has also mentioned another career choice along the way. By chance was his Pyschology study in his teenage years or did that follow later? I ask as he mentioned he never regretted a day in that field of work but was interested in asking if you would ever do a talk regarding how he feels therapy along with what is taught in Uni these days is still relevant and ‘ on track’ or if he personal has any insights as to where it may need to head or what has become obsolete or doesn’t serve as much as a purpose any more. Considering the recent bizarre and challenging times that change and alter our evolution …and more to the point as Rick is now in his 70+ years and with his great sea of knowledge and experience may have some ‘epiphanies’ along the ways. Outsiders and those who offer out of the box ideas slowly change the trigertery of the landscape. Another layer to the psychology spongecake … so to speak. p. s I have once seen your past guest Sue Johnson state that their goal was towards ‘differentiating’ at that certain time period( 15 or so years ago ) but now she felt that compassion was at the forefront of interacting with clients and others. This shows us the landscape is always changing.

[@edreynolds2819]

RE: Changing BEHAVIOR Before Changing Thinking: You mean I have to get out of bed before I’ll decide to get out of bed? It’s true for me, and it’s why I’m stuck. I want to want to try in life, but that means I don’t want to yet. But you seem to be saying that I don’t have to want to in order to try.

[@CrowMagnum]

Doesn't meditation teach us that you don't change by trying to change, but by stopping subconsciously trying to not change? Figuring that out takes a lot of curiosity, self awareness, and experience of our patterns without judgement until we finally get it.

[@CrowMagnum]

The summaries at the end of your videos are incredible and so valuable, keep up the amazing work.

[@jeng3609]

I love your videos. Would you be interested in doing an episode on transgender identification? Perhaps regarding trans-identified adults?

[@HereForTheCatContent]

Frankly I think society desperately needs to get back (?) to a little more „rigidity“ in terms of what’s appropriate vs. inappropriate and right vs. wrong.

[@sharynmain2432]

Interesting. I’ m not sure what your take is on rigidity means for you. However, if I read it correctly… I feel the pendulum has swung too far and now everyone’s needs and wants have to be considered and actioned. Within the frameworks the structures of our world that should be ticking along grinds down to a stalling movement productively and creatively wise. Unfortunately there is not enough hours in the day for this to happen. Aside from the trauma induced actions that can take place, offerings are made constantly everyday… e.g. such as a job vacancy. They describe the role, once interviewed you discuss the nitty gritty , hours pay, job description and you finish it off ( hopefully) understanding what is on offer. For someone in their 50+ that is the general rule of thumb. Somewhere along the ways, many feel that they do not have to confirm to the script and wish to have special allowances made for them and are then affronted that these needs are either too far fetch or places them in an upmanship role that they haven’t worked for or earnt by paying their dues. Yes rules are needed and helpful but if you apply yourself in a healthy productive way you may have a chance to then negotiate a better outcome… rather than just grabbing at things without permission. I digressed somewhat but got there in the end.