Beliefs that are limiting your personal style

[@sylviacoleman579]

I'm a Black, 75 year od woman, 5'10", and I've been thin all my life. This is the best KZbin video you've done (and I've been following you for some years). I completely agree with ALL the comments. I relish being alive at this moment in time when I see women of all sizes, colors, and ages being free of the strict bonds society placed on women that if you didn't conform to the "acceptable " ideal of what "beaty and style," you were invisible. I revel in the beautiful women who express who they are confidently, and unabashedly. Young, old, all colors, sizes, and beliefs. I am so proud to be a modeen woman. Thank you for a timeless video.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Thank you for these words! xx

[@cyninthehouse]

Being thin does not equal being stylish. But as somebody who is a large chested size 14/16 it is very hard to find high quality ethical brands that fit!

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

This is so understandable!

[@erinj1360]

I'm tall 8/10 on the bottom and 14/16 on top. The challenge is real.

[@jkg1724]

​@erinj1360 I am size 10 on top and size 8 on bottom, I find for me fuller bottoms like A line skirts works best. You could try it. Hope that helps.

[@adz5bneweng589]

Also DDDD, which makes my top half seem shorter. I also have a negligible waist (so a top heavy rectangle shape). Mid rise jeans even off my top and bottom. Also agree with wearing slightly a-line skirts. And wider leg jeans seem to work well for me. I'm 5'7" tall and wear a 12 on top and 10 on bottom.

[@Ingrid0410]

Then go bespoke

[@doctorberkowitz]

I'd like to leave behind the belief that older women have to disappear into the shadows and hide in boring neutrals to be age appropriate. Talbots will never take me alive.

[@marciapeterson3481]

Your last sentence 😂

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Amazing - excellent point!!

[@adz5bneweng589]

I'm 69yo and have faux hawked hair, wear trends and lean towards sophisticated edgy style. I'm always on the hunt for unique clothing or details.

[@Tokayd13]

I'm 64 and finally realized my personal style is blue jeans. It's like I've come full circle to when I was a teenager in the 70s. Levi's, boots, flannel shirts, blazers.

[@ginnylee9928]

I completely concur on the belief that older women "should" be invisible!!!!! I am 66 yo with a short, spiky hair style, barely 5'1", and refuse to become invisible. My style words are: classy, sophisticated, yet eclectic. I can't even tell you the last time I shopped in a retail store. I love to shop in thrift and consignment stores. Those are my "go to" activities when I'm on vacation. I also up-cycle men's silk ties into ladies' scarves and re-purpose denim jeans into unique handbags. I only carry "designer" bags (my own designs). Ta Ta!!!

[@megsthriftedlife]

I love that you said all clothing is not disposable because no matter how you got it, it was made by human hands! That's so important 🙌🏼🙌🏾🙌🏿

[@leahgeller9988]

Yes, that really touched me as well.

[@clockworkshadows3226]

I have facial assymetry and scarring and over the years have really struggled with body acceptance, particularly because others have made me feel less attractive or less feminine than my peers. I was recently given the advice that instead of trying to fit in, I should embrace my uniqueness and go one further by being even more unique in my personal style. Ive really found this advice helpful and it stops me from retreating into my shell, so to speak. Im also really conscious of wearing things that I really like rather than trends, because they are more comfortable and suit me better. For example, I found a pair of purple tinted glasses in an opshop today, which I love and can imagine wearing with all kinds of outfits in the future. Loved your video Alyssa!

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Thank you so much for sharing, I'm really glad you are embracing your own style and owning it!! xox

[@rebeccabelflower7767]

Thank you. When I first started watching you, I was so impressed and inspired by your creativity and hearing the term, shop your closet was new and inspiring . The more I watch you, the more I see you, not your long beautiful hair, great complexion or thin body, but you and you are a beautiful person. Thank you for reaching out to help all of us!

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Thank you for this incredibly kind comment xx

[@doctorberkowitz]

It's so much easier to make outfits look better when you're thin. As someone who used to be thin and is not anymore, it is easy for thin people to take for granted how much easier it is to have clothes look great on you. Now that I'm heavier, I can still be stylish, but it takes more effort and skill.

[@sarahogue]

I’ve been told “you get away with that (fill in the blank) because you’re small”. I’ve taken that to mean I’m somehow dressing inappropriately and on a bigger body I would look obviously wrong. Perhaps I’m misunderstanding this comment, and the fact is I don’t know what it’s like to dress a larger body.

[@teresajazey524]

You’re right. I’m also a 14/16. I can look stylish but the reality is, clothes just look better on the thinner person. Not a rail but being big just doesn’t look as good. When I was a 10, everything looked fantastic on me. I can still look classy but that’s not the same.

[@tonyak2446]

It's called your body shape. Find out what your body shape is and focus on that vs on skinny ppl. Y'all complaining about skinny ppl makes you sound bitter and jealous

[@doctorberkowitz]

@@tonyak2446 No one is complaining about skinny people.

[@tonyak2446]

I'm considered to be a skinny woman but I also have very wide shoulders, a bulge in the stomach area, and have no waist. Does that mean I can wear anything a skinny person can wear? No! I have to find pieces that work for my body shape and that means avoiding certain trends or wearing a modified version of that trend. Realizing my body shape made my shopping experience a lot easier because I know what styles to avoid. Knowing what colors look good on you also helps

[@katem3961]

As someone with an E cup who 6 days ago had a double mastectomy (no reconstruction) due to breast cancer. My new flat look is amazing 😄 I've had big breasts since I was 11 years of age. I always liked button up shirts but I felt they made me look bigger than I was at 155cm tall, not anymore 😃 I have absolutely no regrets or sadness at my boobs being gone. They did their job and fed my babies for a long time. I think we all need to love our bodies, no matter the shape or size. Thank you Alyssa for your amazing tips and always being so down to earth ❤ from Australia.

[@ceciliaexp]

Wishing you a speedy recovery ☺️

[@katem3961]

​@@ceciliaexpThank you so much, very kind of you 💗

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Thank you so much for sharing, wishing you a speedy recovery! xox

[@katem3961]

@AlyssaBeltempo Cheers, Alyssa, I'm doing well 😊

[@mallorygraf8574]

Wow! Thank you for sharing your story. My sister started having a huge chest since she was 9. I saw the scars that the bra straps left on her back because her breasts were so heavy and the healing creams we applied to her scars. She had open heart surgery a few years ago and because of life style change and age, her breasts are not as heavy or big as before.❤ Happy that you found your silver lining. Sending good vibes to you from San Francisco!🧡💛

[@christinebrooker5050]

My husband laughs when I get all my sweaters out on the bed, tidy the piles and LOOK at what I have and find new ideas of what to wear them with. It makes me happy 🤗.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

love this!

[@gabylozoya-zy3ki]

I’m a grandmother of six, and I’d like to leave behind the idea that I have to dress like one. I love style, and I want to strive to be confident in expressing myself through what I wear! 💃🏻

[@doctorberkowitz]

And we want you to do just that! Nothing brightens my day more than seeing a confident, well-dressed older woman who is owning whatever it is she wants to wear, whether that's Mary Tyler Moore or Mrs. Roper.

[@lexreavis]

One point after another hit home for me in this video, Alyssa. I think it may become a flagship video for me that I come back to time and again to reground myself. As a mid-life post-menopausal woman, my body continues to change, what life asks of me continues to change and so how I want to show up is also evolving. These guideposts you've shared are spot on to help me navigate this with kindness toward myself and our planet.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Wow thank you so much for this I’m glad these feel like guideposts for you ❤ that’s what I was going for, as everyone’s life looks so different ❤

[@ms_prescott_regrets]

Love everything you said. My mom was a fuller size gal but she knew how to dress. Young girls would come up to her and compliment her on what she wore. I always felt so proud 🥹 I think one thing to give up is what you used to be able to wear. Even if you are not a curvy girl, your body changes especially after menopause. I think we can say now I can wear this! And be excited about it. ❤❤❤

[@dschultz6981]

Ooh, #4 hit home! Not everything in my closet is considered "flattering," like my thick tan cotton cardigan. The color isn't the best for me and the cut doesn't fully flatter my figure, yet every time I wear it (belted with a jean shirt and some cool jewelry) I feel "me." I've been working on adding items that I really enjoy/love and your channel helps me make even more of what I already have. Thanks, Alyssa!

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Sounds like a great example:) So glad you're enjoying the channel!

[@suann9790]

You don't have to be thin to be stylish but it is so much easier to execute certain looks or fits if you are. Or maybe that's just the perspective of someone who grew up with Kate Moss as the beauty standard... it's definitely good to see a wider variety of stylish people represented today.

[@notaclue822]

It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking you can buy contentment. Great points you make here. I especially like #4 about redefining what flattering means to you. I love eccentric silhouettes and other things that might not conform to current fashions, but sometimes lack the confidence to wear what I love. I'm a senior too, which brings it's own issues . I love what you do.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Ouf yes - buy contentment - so well worded. ❤

[@kathysteele3071]

#4 hit home. While teaching, I knew my style and almost always stayed with it. However, since retiring 8 years ago, and working in our construction based business on our small farm I have lost myself a little. Your videos and Live sessions help me to mesh my old style with the new (older) me and have hun again using what I have. I get frustrated that my older and larger body doesn’t look like I want, but am working to accept and love it

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Thanks for sharing Kathy :) it’s hard to affirm and discover our style after big life changes ❤you’re doing great!

[@jkg1724]

PROFOUND-ALL OF IT! You are a constant in helping us be confident & comfortable in our skin! Alyssa - "The only way you can be a stylish person is if you know yourself and know how to express yourself through clothing".

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

I’m so glad you enjoyed it and it resonated! ❤❤❤

[@adriennecooper9366]

I love the reminder that slow fashion does not happen overnight…I am forever chasing the “best” second hand outfit…maybe I need to take a step back and be content with what I have already.🙂

[@BebEshOnDeL]

For at least 2 years I’ve gain weight , at least 10kg. It’s been so hard for me to get used to the thought that I’m with different body now. I blamed myself for not looking good because I gained weight. May be from 2 or 3 months I get use to that fact and start to purchase second hand my favorite style trousers, jeans…. And I’m starting to feel myself again.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

I love hearing this ❤

[@marshaphonda7057]

If you don`t start doing something about it and just accepting that you`ve gained weight then it will get worse. Change your diet, do some exercise, take back control of your life.

[@BebEshOnDeL]

@@marshaphonda7057 I have health problems with the large intestine that do not allow me to exercise and significantly slow down peristalsis.

[@melaniemcneil407]

Not flattering, perhaps: my hiking boots. But when I wear them I feel strong and capable, which of course means "sexy." They ARE my sexiest shoes.

[@AmandaAtCamp]

hiking boots are 100% hawwwt 💃 🥾

[@marianroyal7340]

I would love to see a video for women over 60 whose bodies have changed and need to update their capsule wardrobes.

[@allthingswavy6420]

Hi Alyssa! I want to open 2024 by expressing my sincere gratitude for your role in my style (self-awareness) journey. Through your channel I've been able to shift to focusing on "how a piece of clothing makes me feel," AND to fully understanding HOW I want to feel holistically, in my clothes, in my life, in my own skin. I have done soo much inner belief work in the past few years and releasing limiting beliefs, whether they are about body image or self-image in general, has definitely been the strategy that has led me to more self-acceptance and then to "soo happy with my closet." Your authenticity and grace are a very real piece of my current levels of happiness and self-love. Thank you so so much for your channel and for ALL of the deep intention you present there ❤️ Added: I want to add that understanding our view of "self" is NOT a simple task. It requires deep diving into where and when our "views of self" began in us. The messages adopted by our minds can be injected subtly (advertising for example) OR in more obvious ways (mothers, fathers, friends, siblings), but it is absolutely worth the time to "root out" any inner view of ourselves that is actually someone ELSE'S truth about us!

[@lynnebarren2410]

Very well said🤓❤️

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

wow I am truly touched and honoured :) I'm so glad these messages go beyond your closet. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on how we view ourselves - it is a constant work in progress and I hope your comment sparked some thoughts for others! Thank you for being here:)

[@allthingswavy6420]

@@AlyssaBeltempo I've realized today, fully, why your videos work so well as a positive body awareness tool for me: I get to see your actual creative thought process, because you speak it out loud, related to how clothes FEEL when you assemble an outfit. If it doesn't feel "right" to you, you change it and that gives US "permission" to do the same thing. You show us that YOU are in charge of creating the picture. It's not about "copying" or "being someone else." You demonstrate for us that personal style (and self-worth) is our own responsibility, that it's soo important to listen to what we know is right for us. HUUUGE!

[@gritandglam1815]

Brigitte Bardot said, "I gave my beauty and my youth to men. I am going to give my wisdom and experience to animals." I want to leave behind the belief that who I once was in my youth, was the best "me". This is harder than it sounds. How do you not think back to your 30 year old dewy self and judge who you are at 60 (or 35, 40 or 50) from that perfect lens? But, I am not just an older version of that 30 year old. I am so much more. So while I want to find modern clothes and a contemporary personal style that make me feel comfortable in my skin, it's because the sense of confidence these impart makes everything else I want to do that much easier. Like Brigitte, I want to shift my perspective from me, me, me to a passion for something outside of myself and to have the courage to share who I am, the hard won gift of who I am now, with the world. I find your channel so empowering, Alyssa, because you get the journey we are all on to be our best selves, whatever that means to us.

[@CobraCai02]

I would love to see a video diving deeper into your personal criteria for quality clothing items. IE what you look for in shoes, bags, jeans, etc to know it’s a quality product before buying.

[@marilyndoering2501]

Wonderful video! I’ve gained weight as I’ve aged, so neither thin nor trendy. But I wear clothes that fit me and suit my body shape, whatever size, in colours that flatter my skin tone, and in styles that make me comfortable. Then when I look in the mirror, I can smile and walk out with confidence and feel great about myself! It takes some effort, but it’s worth it!

[@katherinebaer6798]

I totally agree that being thin definitely does not equate with being stylish. I also think the models they show on the runway and in many advertisements look sick and unhealthy. The only negative thing I will say about the new body acceptance movement is that it’s become politically incorrect to say that being overweight can be extremely unhealthy. There is simply no getting away from this hard truth. Diabetes, heart disease and even cancer are conditions much more prevalent in the overweight population and they have reached epidemic proportions here in the states. It is a terrible burden on our health care system and shortens the lifespan of countless individuals… And I am speaking as a person who in her younger life was overweight.

[@marshaphonda7057]

I totally agree with you. This body acceptance movement is very dangerous in my opinion. Of course no one should be bullied because of their weight, but telling people that overweight is the new beauty standard is completly nuts.

[@katherinebaer6798]

@@marshaphonda7057 yes Ma’am!

[@lynnebarren2410]

Thank you for verbalising these 5. To counteract powerful, media driven messaged and main stream beliefs is difficult as they incorporate ideas of gender role and identity, acceptance,...There is lots of evidence now that diversity is being championed and beauty and sryle is truly in the eye of the beholder and not some standard that needs to be met. Thanks Alyssa and some of the very insightful comments from your community I have read below, very SUSTAINING indeed❤

[@rhonaklipp]

Recently I attended a wardrobe bootcamp and discovered I'm a pear when I always thought I was an apple (because of my stomach). I learned to take good selfies to see what my outfits look like on me. I've loved wearing tunics and leggings (to hide my stomach and middle roll) but found it makes me look heavier. Now I need to figure out how to wear shorter shirts, tucking, etc. I LOVE your videos. They are so accessible for someone like me. The ideas and ideologies are SO helpful!! Thank you! My daughter and I have been shopping our closets and thrifting since watching you. Now I think I have to leave my "apple" self in 2023 and embrace the "pear" that I am. My three style words are MOVEMENT, UNCOMPLICATED & CLASSIC. Oh and I almost forgot......I like the concept about not having to be thin to look good in outfits. Thank you for that.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

I love your three words and love that you're discovering thrifting and shopping your closet! Thank you for sharing!

[@m.draganovska]

The flattering one. Long overdue! Thank you for that!

[@kathystclair9485]

There is nothing that screams confidence more than a plus size lady who dresses very nice, and I admire that. So many oversize AND slim ladies cover their bodies with oversized baggie clothes. I'm not meaning to wear clothes so tight you can see everything. I think slim ladies have a tendency to do that. We should look presentable, but modest. Being short has been a struggle with finding clothes that fit well. At 67 I have finally accepted my height. (Never too late). I can't grow any taller that I am, just a little over 5 ft and petite. Life is short and we all should try to be happy while we have the chance. Great video, Alyssa. Always look forward to your next videos. Have a blessed New Year!

[@druidriley3163]

Was in the grocery store and watched this middle aged man watch this woman shopping. She wasn't short - she was taller than the man - and built like an Amazon. I was thinking she probably was a weight lifter. She was big. I was fairly sure she wasn't a man. She was just a big woman. The short middle aged man's reaction? Admiration. He literally said, "That's a whole lot of woman."

[@kathystclair9485]

@@druidriley3163 I have a family member whose sister is around 6'2 and the husband looks no taller than 5'5. You can just tell by the look on his face how much he loves and is proud of her!

[@druidriley3163]

@@kathystclair9485 She's a lucky woman to have found a real man.

[@applelu9501]

Thanks Alyssa, and happy new year from Milan!

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Thank you and happy new year to you!

[@miriamdeleon33]

I turned 60 last year! Yaaaay! I'm learning through your videos that 60 can nail style!!!'thanks Alyssa!

[@tanyaeve9498]

Knowing yourself is the best way to be stylish as well as being happy in your life. Great, deep thinking advice 💜

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

I'm glad that resonated!

[@jl82714]

Speaking from my own experience, I find the topic of body acceptance difficult in the realm of style because retailers don’t seem to know how to grade clothing for sizes larger than 0-4 US. I’m an 8-10 US so still straight sized-ish and I’m finding it really hard to find pants especially. I’ve accepted my body, but it doesn’t seem that retailers have. I’d like nicely tailored clothes just as much as someone who is a size 2 and yet it feels like I’m asking for a lot from designers. Can we convince retailers to leave that mindset behind too? 😅

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

YES - this is a huge issue - I heard that some retailers are no longer using fit models which doesn't help with good sizing ... off the rack unfortunately usually needs tailoring these days. Let's hope they get behind this mindset at some point! lol

[@doctorberkowitz]

You can't find good pants because making flattering pants for women's bodies is expensive. Affordable pants are designed to be cut flat. If you want flattering pants, you have to be willing to pay more than you think they should cost. Retailers are not intentionally snubbing larger or curvier bodies, they're trying to cut costs.

[@jl82714]

@@doctorberkowitz if you have a suggestion for where to look or what designers would grade properly, I am all ears. I’ve tried low, mid, and high end brands. In my experience, the high end brands seem to be some of the worst offenders. I’m willing to try a suggestion if someone has one.

[@cyninthehouse]

@@jl82714 I am a size 14 /16 in fast fashion trying to find a quality pair of black pants from a sustainable fashion / higher end is next to impossible. The size 16 ( if they even go that high ) measurements match that as a size 10/12 of fast fashion !

[@debrapahl7573]

If sizes 2,4 were so popular why are they always on the sales racks ?

[@Irenechangbritt]

Love this! In my sixties, short, strong/muscular and carrying a few extra pounds of padding. I’ve always loved the way you look, but figured I couldn’t do the same with my build. Thanks for the reinforcement of loving our own look and own style.

[@nicoleinfante2276]

Every word of this is gold. 💯

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

so kind! I'm glad it resonated!

[@juliannerogers5283]

Love this, especially the point of things being flattering. I do love highlighting my favorite parts of me, but i also feel totally great wearing a sweatsuit and a cool pair of sneakers

[@letyswanson2376]

Fantastic advice. Body acceptance is key. Great job Alyssa. Happy new year.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Glad it resonated!

[@lynndupree1205]

Each of us is a unique individual. Different and acceptable. If we are LUCKY, we live long enough to become old. As I embark upon my 7th decade, I can say THIS is who I am now. Sometimes I feel invisible because young people ignore me. So, I seek out places to shop where I am treated with respect and kindness! Some things are harder to do, like shopping all day. But some things are easier, like finally knowing and accepting what looks good on me, and what doesn't. My favorite shops have clothing that appeals to women of all ages. No frumpy outfits for me! Many times the salespeople admire what I'm wearing and ask where I bought it. Proof that we can ALL be stylish!

[@imagease]

"Know yourself, and express yourself through your clothing." That about sums up all the fasion advice we really need!

[@barbarak1744]

This video was full of great points and advice. Thank you.

[@elizabethbutler3364]

Such wisdom. But you're right, some beliefs are so ingrained that becoming happy, or content in our own skin is very difficult.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Definitely - it is a universal struggle!

[@lisacarroll1797]

Love this! Reshaping thoughts and beliefs is so very powerful and necessary, not just in fashion. Acceptance and appreciation of differences hopefully will make this world a better place for everyone!

[@JudyLarkins-w9i]

Alyssa - what an empowering message. I have always struggled with self image. This content really inspired me to challenge some of my thoughts. Thank you so much.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

I'm so glad it helped. I will be revisiting my notes from it too as it is a constant work in progress for us all :)

[@ambercookielee]

Thank you for this! The flattering concept was earth-shattering for me. So on time!

[@lorisalvatore9103]

Love, love, love your message! Style can be had at any age, any weight, any body shape! Thank you, Alyssa. I look forward to your videos. Ciao!❤

[@suzanschneider6163]

Wonderful intentions! Great video. Thank you.

[@anuidiculla3255]

I’m personally seeing a slight shift in marketing. I’m seeing women of all sizes, shapes, skin tones. I’m seeing people with skin conditions such as vitiligo. I’m seeing less and less retouching and editing. It is so freaking refreshing and liberating and we need more of it!

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

YES:)!

[@tempestgrey4629]

KZbin is where I found my confidence to dress better. When I was younger and thinner I always dressed to the nines and always wore makeup daily. Then I got fat and my body shape changed thanks to menopause. But I started watching the Tube and saw all these plus size women (mostly young though) putting together these amazing outfits and doing beautiful makeup not just covering everything up with big oversized clothes. I know how to do makeup worked makeup counter at Macy’s but again my eyes are droopy face is different and body shape is different but it has given me the courage to try. To quit hiding and to be eclectic once again. I will say I have many misses but I’ve had some big hits too. I experiment and that’s the point. I’m enjoying coming up with cute outfits and it gives me confidence so thanks Alyssa you and many other women here on KZbin inspire me to keep going. I’m 62 and retiring in a few years so I’m on a mission to create a stylish cute fun eclectic relaxed and a little romantic retirement forever wardrobe lol. All or at least 98% thrifted/upcycled

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Thank you for sharing - i'm so excited that you're embracing your style!

[@comealongcomealong4480]

@tempestgrey4629 You've just reminded me that the very first fashion KZbinr I ever watched was a plus size African American girl. I was captivated - I'd never gone into a change room with a stranger before! She loved trends, loved bright colours, and was very comfortable with body revealing styles. Two videos I particularly remember are her and a plus-size gf trying on the same swimsuits, dresses etc. So, different sizes and body shapes to compare. The other was her attending NY Fashion Week, all the outfit planning, what she wore, where she went etc. It was alot of fun. But, as I came to learn, also alot of shopping, spending and new hauls.

[@christinas5691]

As someone who is a small size, there's a lot of hate thrown toward "size 0" / "size 2". I've heard the "real women aren't size 2" enough to puke. Actually, yes, real women are also size 2. I say all that to say that my struggle is often finding clothes that look my age when many things in Juniors fits better. Most things that are sized for adults I usually find to be too big, even in what should be my size. It can be very frustrating all around.

[@littlelady7843]

I feel your pain.

[@druidriley3163]

I used to be a size 2. That was slightly under the best weight for my height. Trouble is, to keep that weight, I had to exercise 5 days a week for an hour, lifting and running and eating only 1.5 times a day. It was a lot of work. I was 'naturally' that size when I was in high school when my metabolism was very very high. When I matured and got older, that's when the work started to try to keep myself that size.

[@christinas5691]

@druidriley3163 If I don't lift weights I basically get too thin. I think a lot of it has to do with muscle mass and metabolism. A lot of women take hormones in the form of birth control which really hinders the ability to get and maintain muscle mass. Less muscle=lower metabolism=weight gain. I think that's the core of weight gain for women overall. I'm in my late 30s and have not taken hormones but for a year or two of my life. I think it has made all the difference in my metabolism and muscle mass.

[@druidriley3163]

@@christinas5691 Probably right. I was on BC for a couple of years, but had to stop taking it as it didn't agree with me, so I can't blame that for the weight issue.

[@AM-qu5qv]

Exactly! I have heard this my entire life. Along with don't you eat or you should have a cheeseburger. Real women do in fact come in size 0/2 and we eat plenty... probably more than others because we have a fast metabolism. We are not starving ourselves or working out incessantly. Lots of us are naturally thin, whether we eat super clean or subsist on fast food. I find it odd that we are continually made to feel we have to justify why we are thin. Tbh I am sick of the double standards around this issue.

[@jbar234]

Some of the most stylish women I know are larger sizes, it’s the way they carry themselves and the vibe/energy they exude that inspires me ❤ Love your advice Alyssa!

[@tamimartine8441]

Great video, Alyssa. I have come far in accepting my body, but liking it is an entirely different thing. Large breasted on top of a large rib cage, with a waist missing since menopause, equals looking/feeling frumpy (for me). I remember my dad taking me to buy my girl scout uniform when I was 7 or 8 years old. The sales lady said to my dad, "she's very thick in the chest, isn't she?" I'm 62 years old. You would think that I would have forgotten that! (Sorry, that was a therapy moment, but thanks for listening.) 😂

[@comealongcomealong4480]

@tamimartine8441 Enjoyed your comment on this video. Love that your Dad took you to buy your girl scout uniform 😊 My Dad took me to buy my first pair of jeans. He was only comfortable in the Boys Department for some reason, so that's what we got. I must have been about eleven, so no pubescent development at that point. /It seems that your ancestors, with their physical strength and great lung capacity, are making themselves known in your own genetics. Would your Dad also be described as broad chested? Which of course was seen as a positive in a man. Do you remember all those chest-building gadgets sold to men with sunken chests, who didn't want the sand kicked their way at the beach?! I'm also reminded of female gymnasts, after reading your words. I'm guessing that is an optimum body shape for the strength work and aerobic capacity needed in that sport.

[@erinjohnson5546]

Love this one. I love reflecting on beliefs in general. A retrospective of why and do o still - believe in x, y, or x. It’s potent and truly transformative.

[@QuickSilverHair]

Lovely tips and ideas that need to be left behind and embraced this year. ❤

[@anuidiculla3255]

“The only way that you can be a stylish person is if you know yourself and you know how to express yourself through clothing.” - Alyssa Beltempo. So freaking good! I might have to frame this quote and put it in my closet. You should sell it 😂

[@nancypparsons2818]

Alyssa I am currently narrowing my “influencers” to include only those who have qualities similar to me - dark hair, shorter stature, professional lifestyle. However I will ALWAYS keep you in rotation! You are positive, have a calming voice, and encourage individuality. Also even though your body type is not like mine, your classic style is always on point. Much success to you!❤

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

thank you so much for being here and for the support!

[@sarahcrowther6168]

What an insightful and powerful video. We need more thinking and content like this in the world. Thank you ❤

[@deniseoates7147]

This is such a great subject matter. And I am guilty of not wearing things because of my weight gain and I am not feeling comfortable in my body right now and have the attitude that I will wait for getting into putting together the whole fashion looks. Well, I always promised myself that I will not dress like my grandmother.in what others may try to box me in that they feel it not age appropriated. Thanks for sharing and blessings to you and all in the new year.

[@KazHampson]

I love your ethos, hopefully people’s attitudes are shifting.

[@kelleyking]

Constructing clothing for curves is simply harder. It takes more consideration of the architecture of the fabric. And I suspect that there is more variation among curvy women than women with straighter lines. I don’t think most designers try very hard. It would be harder to mass produce many sizes and variations . I suspect that’s one reason models are rail thin. (That and some designers don’t like adult women much). Someday we’ll have made on demand clothing cut from body scans. 😊

[@druidriley3163]

Indeed. I remember the famous situation when actor Leslie Jones was going to a movie premier and couldn't get any of the famous designers to do her dress, probably because she was neither short nor slim. Christian Siriano stepped in and she looked amazing in the gown he made for her. If a fashion designer can't design for women of all sizes, then that designer is very limited and not very good.

[@comealongcomealong4480]

@@druidriley3163 Love this retelling of a high-pressure, red carpet situation. Do you know what nationality Christian Siriano is?

[@druidriley3163]

@@comealongcomealong4480 Got that from Leslie Jones herself. She knew ahead of time of the premiere. It's not an Academy Awards show. It was a single movie premiere. How high pressure was it for the multitude of designers? What difference does a designer's nationality make? The only thing that matters is how good they are.

[@kittykittoon]

I actually believe you when you say that your ability to buy some more expensive items doesn't make you feel more stylish & I STILL enjoy seeing a good sprinkling of old pieces of yours alongside your newer bits. It's a big part of my enjoyment of your vids over the years. Please keep the faith! ❤

[@comealongcomealong4480]

Thank you Alyssa so much for your opening four pages or so of Style Instagrammers. (Accompanying your Point 1: the belief that Thinness = Style.) Wow, what an eye opener - and wonderful positive reinforcement - to see those beautiful women. Expressing themselves in the world with such flair and joy and creativity. If this is how 2024 looks, I'm all for it 👏

[@amdelorey]

Thanks Alyssa. So well said. Happy New Year from Nova Scotia!

[@bbellebe]

Thank you for the video! 😊 Loved all your tips ❤️ putting body acceptance as #1 is sooo right! also self-acceptance in general ❤️

[@CorinnaOnTheRun]

Love what you said near the end about consistency

[@hannahrobertson1397]

I love all the points you made here! It really is about shifting your mindset and the internal messages we tell ourselves on repeat. Thanks for helping us along the journey to self love 😘

[@CJay-q9f]

#4 was a sticking point for me too, beause to me flattering means complementing and complementing means completing. The purpose for wearing something that flatters is not to change me. The purpose is to enhance/complete how I are. So why would I not want to do that? I'd love to be a little taller and have longer legs, but they are not within my control. So I can either give up or put my efforts on things where I do have control, which are mainly related to good health and strength and wearing clothes that 'flatter'. My ultimate goal is to show on the outside who I am on the inside, to feel comfortable in my skin and to introduce my authenic self to others.

[@maaikehendriks4107]

Thank you for this video, very good points! As i start to feel more and more myself, i noticed im also more focussed on how i feel wearing clothes. And not only on how they look or what im trying to create. So that makes me lean into not flattering things as well or at least thats not the only part to focus on😊

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

Yes! How we feel is paramount ❤

[@drinab3430]

Hi Alyssa-love your channel & many of the ideas in this video but I have to disagree a bit on the idea of flattery as just societal expectations (thinner, taller, etc.) versus self-expression. For me, flattery has to do with how harmoniously the line, drape, color, and texture of a garment or outfit interact with my coloring and the lines of my body. For example, I don’t wear salmon pink because it drains color from my face and I don’t wear stiff fabrics, oversized jackets or super wide leg pants because they overwhelm me. It’s not really a question of trying to look taller or thinner to meet some societal ideal but whether I essentially disappear beneath the clothing.

[@littlelady7843]

Well said.

[@soulexplorer76]

I agree 💯

[@elisabethcaruso3629]

Over the last couple of years I didn't buy new clothes. What I have in my closet makes me feel fine. I'm really attached to some pieces and I keep wearing them. Greetings from Rome.

[@kantest319]

Such a great video! Totally agree with sustainable fashion being a mindset and changing literally how you think

[@coralpetals]

My goodness! Your hair looks absolutely amazing in this video!

[@sewlavie]

Hi Alyssa, thanks for the great inputs! You just reminded me of one of my very specific style elements that make me feel like myself: I very much feel myself when I wear something I made myself or have adapted from another garment. It is never perfect, sometimes made of an old linen tablecloth of my grandma (exceptional quality though). I especially enjoy this to wear on a official formal leaning events. I enjoy it, because it reminds me to be playful even when the situation requires me to be "proper". I have to add: I specifically never felt myself in any "proper" outfit - I usually don't even know what that means😅

[@CFW1]

Fantastic video.... your best one!

[@Diana-cr5ms]

Excellent!!! 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

[@deborahmac1997]

This was an empowering start to 2024 ❤

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

i'm so glad you liked it! xx

[@rebeccal.672]

It is hard to not feel that thin equals stylish because that is what the media and some societies value along with it getting just getting it shoved down our throats and want we see Every day and even what we see on models in the stores even the manequins are thin. This does Need and Must change along with being young or looking young is so much better than being older than 20-30.

[@arciev.743]

So true being stylish is knowing yourself and expressing yourself through your style !!!!!!

[@danijela7998]

You are soo beutiful woman! Thank you for your advice! Wish you all the best! 💙

[@fredalearhinan6693]

As a woman who is just 5 ft tall it can be difficult to buy some things especially jean and trousers 👖 because by the time hems are taken up sometimes the shape changes. The worst is as i age i am losing my bum. It just is leaving . Fit and comfort and style is very important. Good advice and content as usual.🎉❤❤❤

[@HoVseMD]

Thanks for you being you🙏🤓👍

[@liavanus]

I would like to leave behind all the Crab Mentality in 2023. Cis women and LGBTQ should all lift each other up instead of tearing each other down because of jealousy or to get ahead. We should be more happy for other’s achievements and commend each other for showing up in the world that is built solely for the benefit of the patriarchy. It’s a lot to unlearn but I believe we will get there ❤

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

This is so well said and such a great point Lia!❤

[@nicki66]

This was arguably your most powerful video yet and that is saying something! I loved all of these. Thanks so much for sharing.❤

[@TampaTodayRealEstate]

Awesome thoughts. Thank you😊

[@valeriejohnson4816]

Fantastic video! Thank you.

[@lisca2866]

So well said thank you ❤

[@annmariespaulding6926]

Spot on!!! ❤you are awesome thank you for making this video!!!!!

[@karelmillard9854]

Yess to all of this. ❤

[@ekaterinashalennaya7204]

Che bello rivedere Alyssa nel ano nuovo!))) 😘❤️

[@LindaOlsen-j2x]

Hi Alyssa, are you willing to share any information or tips from your body acceptance journey for being straight-sized? It has been a long journey for me. We always want what we don't have, it seems.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

I can! I’m still fresh off of it to be honest and it is a constant work in progress so will let it ruminate before speaking about it because it’s a tough thing! In the meantime though I would definitely give Laura Kelly’s podcast a listen ❤

[@LindaOlsen-j2x]

Thank you so much! I greatly appreciate your quick response, your honesty and vulnerability.

[@sandibytheocean]

And you so much!! Great advice!!!

[@pdk9903]

I'm a US size 10 and feel lucky I can source fitting clothes from the men's section. It has SAVED me. I literally today honed in on my 3 style words - and realized they are pretty much what I wore in my late teens when I'd wore my dad's, mom's AND my brother's hand-me-downs 😅

[@_inflection3209]

I'm pretty comfortable in my skin being 40. We need to let go of comparison, your body is not hers or hers, it's yours and you should own it. Even these people that we idolize or find their fashion fabulous have bad days where they regret what they put on their bodies. For example, my boss gorgeous lady, always put together has a personal stylist. You know the type matches her bit watch strap to her shoes.. the other day she comes to me and asks with embarrassment on her face if her arse is out because her pencil skirt ripped. The reality is we're all on the struggle bus together. You wouldn't tear down your best friend for what she puts on her body so why would you do that to yourself? So, love yourself like you're your best friend.

[@AlyssaBeltempo]

i love this advice! As well as the struggle bus reference - totally using it if you dont mind! xx

[@TheZeyre]

Very deep dive! Always exciting to hear what is going on in Alyssa-World! Lists. Love the Wish List especially if there is a picture. You get the fun of anticipation before it comes to be. I have a few "I'm dreaming of ..." to keep me going through the winter. Stay warm and safe! Xo J

[@drnicolebeaumont7884]

Brilliant 🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@lynnetrue4103]

I get equally bored with expensive vs thrifted clothes so it's good quality thrift for me!

[@druidriley3163]

Downside to thrifting is you often find clothes that _almost_ fit. They would be perfect if they were just a half size larger or smaller. But since it is a thrift item, there is only one of the item - take it or leave it.

[@luluandmeow]

Sorry, but the examples you featured of overweight (obese) women contradict your point as they don't look chic or elegant. So much excess weight is extremely unhealthy and for this reason alone should not be promoted as something positive. Clothes don't hang well when you are overweight no matter what some people try to claim. I don't believe these women to be really confident or happy with their weight and bodies at all and it's hypocritical imo to say they look and feel amazing. They are prisoners of their own bodies (I know, I used to be fat), it's painful even trying to walk when you are that big. I feel empathy towards them and I think it is dishonest to pretend that they look fabulous and their body shape desirable. My very overweight friends are frank enough to admit they feel unhappy, unhealthy and it's almost impossible to look truly good in clothes.

[@donnathompson5951]

Wish there was the option for two or three or ten thumbs up. Excellent!

[@wrendor9465]

You are such a super star lady Beltempo! Wise & stylish too ❤

[@leticiavillarreal3689]

Just started watching, love this video. I’ve stopped myself many times from purchasing fast fashion as I watch others videos put together inexpensive cute outfits. I have nothing in my closet (except work jeans, tshirts, bathing suits, winter coat, couple sweaters) cause I’ve donated it and paused to reflect what I really want to see in my closet. Do you have a list of brands that are slow fashion? Sounds like thrift clothes are so I’ll start there.