The Machine - Bert Kreischer: THE MACHINE

[@tweetiepie551]

As a Scottish person I can. Confirm that any language can be learned in days with the assistance of excessive alcohol.

[@donaldgrant4931]

tweetie pie really?

[@tweetiepie551]

@@donaldgrant4931 yes really.

[@mssparkie81]

😂😂😂

[@MrWongWey]

@@tweetiepie551 weed too?

[@tweetiepie551]

@@MrWongWey no sorry weed is useless for anything academic.

[@valdencorr2861]

This is probably the best tourism ad I've seen for Russia.

[@TheMrKMen]

Sorry the 90s are over, the mafia is gone.😭

[@ethansolan7465]

@@TheMrKMen Mafia isn't gone at all man.

[@TheMrKMen]

@@ethansolan7465 The point is that in the 90s the police did not work, but now it works. There was a kind of anarchy. I mean, in St. Petersburg you could easily get a grenade out the window. Now all the basic institutions of the state are working.

[@matthewwhite8078]

Booking flight now!

[@cardorcash]

K-Men the mafia is in the government now. Сейчас бандиты в правительстве.

[@leone4238]

Somewhere in Russia, The Bratva is watching this screaming “THE MACHINE, THE MACHINE, THE MACHINE” and going shot for shot remembering the golden days of the machine!

[@romanpuglia]

1k like

[@leone4238]

FaDe im honestly suprised that it got this many! Thanks to everyone who liked it!

[@JohnWick-hj4ep]

I'm a friend of oliver quinn

[@cyrace4308]

yo oly shit im the 2K

[@pseico315]

Unless they died in a turf war

[@freewiremedia215]

I took Russian in college for 4 semesters, I actually did learn a little bit. I had a classmate who went on a trip there, he said he got robbed by some little kids with a gun for cigarettes, and $5 and then afterwards they smoked the cigs they stole from him with him 😂 Then he and a friend got picked up by the police for pissing in the street, got put in the cop car and the cop was just like “meh each of you give me $20.” Then they drank vodka in the patrol car and the cop passed out. Sounds like an interesting place.

[@yourfriendlyinternetmeatshield]

The morale of the story: sounds like an interesting place. Sweeeeeeet

[@Avast3128]

Sounds like bullshit, tbh

[@nicnic8182]

yes, and then they went to the bears to refuel a nuclear reactor, and of course they played the balalaika along the way. This is exactly what usually happens with us.

[@someguy9607]

yes, it was. now it is a much shitty place - the police will just rob you, probably even fuck, you never know for sure, the mafia doesn't exist anymore, at leasе outside the perimeter of Kremlin, only Lenin still so fresh and so clean

[@Evanmuller-n5z]

​@@nicnic8182lol if it makes you feel better I KNOW the USA media is full of crap and I live here. I watched RT America my entire 20s😂. I get why Putin moved into Ukraine I just hope he really is against Soros. Sad you are not part of NATO and with China now. This is all by design, I think Russia has a bright future.

[@kamikazeeOG]

I imagine Bert visiting Russia one day and getting to shake hands with Putin. Only to have Putin lean in and say "So I hear YOU'RE the Machine".

[@Roystothecoolkid]

Lmao

[@jaredreid3347]

Yes!!

[@joshblank4579]

BRO THIS WOULD BRING WORLD PEACE

[@kamikazeeOG]

​@@joshblank4579 And Hillary tries to show up and ruin shit with her 'liberal arts confidence' but Putin just boots her and says. "Fuck that bitch; This is Russia!" 😂🤣😂🤣

[@alfonsocasillas8672]

That would be so fucking awesome!

[@CoRLex-jh5vx]

"Never learned a word" *but you learned the ones that mattered.*

[@katarinapenopolis8163]

C.o.R “I fuck cats”

[@indiedge3819]

Take the money

[@satanmann8023]

I AM THE MACHINE

[@joesmith5512]

Fuck that bitch, this is Russia!! 👏

[@AndreEdits7]

Fuck off

[@MrEyes-xh4bb]

bert: **loves his family and is extremely loyal to his wife and children** also bert: **joins the mafia**

[@6666Imperator]

mafia is like family though so it all works out! :D

[@cralixthegameking4408]

Family and mafia are like gold and silver

[@momsspaghetti9970]

Thats how the mafia works

[@jenniferhalleman3839]

the Russian mafia doesn't make it better XD

[@cralixthegameking4408]

@@jenniferhalleman3839 mafia and family are still like gold and silver

[@benbrgr9]

This was posted 6 years ago, today me and a buddy are getting hammered and going to watch it as a movie in theatres. Congrats Bert!!

[@junkersreview]

It was hilarious

[@benbrgr9]

@Junkers Review ngl best line of the movie mightve been that last "did I do that?"

[@InspectorButters4]

​@@benbrgr9That like cracked me tf up!!! Irina started off as a typical cliche Russian mobster chick, but ended up being hilarious, like a female Bert with a darker sense of humor and who enjoys murdering people!!! The movie was 10x better than I expected, congrats Bert Bert!

[@LuckySketches]

Moral of the story: confidence gets you everywhere, especially if you're in the business of making friends and not enemies.

[@Bancheis]

And you can hold your liquor. Don't forget that part. Very important here.

[@Chedda3000music]

Bancheis yes, people overlook the importance of being able to hold your liquor.

[@Evected]

chedda 3000 why is it important

[@HybridAngel]

Allan Falaise looks like you’ve overlooked the importance

[@lonelyscarygirl]

@@Chedda3000music Well I'm fucked. I got dizzy from white wine.

[@nh8489]

Best underrated quote "I learned the language not by flashcards and textbooks, but by joining the mafia"

[@tylerwedell3750]

You know what i can relate to that. I could barely learn Spanish from textbooks in school. I learned by listening too my co workers

[@mrssiordia06]

Same. I learned more Spanish from my first job in a fast food joint than I did from 3 years in school.

[@jitgod1405]

@@tylerwedell3750 its cause to really learn a language u need tobe surounded by people that speak it

[@pmm4177]

His russian sentence made me laugh until I hurt, I speak russian and knew exactly what he said before he repeated it in english lmfao

[@darmokatyoutubeleavingcomm3422]

Why is it * that he couldn't speak a single word of Russian for the first few years he told this story?

[@fathomgathergood7690]

"I'm learning the language my way, not with flashcards but by joining the mafia." Submersion the best way lol

[@kylemcspadden1550]

Good God, as a linguist and foreign language teacher, the fact that you said submersion instead of immersion while this dude was drowning himself in liquor while learning russian is one of the funniest puns ive heard in years, thank you

[@davidluck3539]

Joining the mafia, hooked-on-phonics style 😆

[@daryl4307]

Immersive af

[@Random_Furryyy]

Time to join the polish mafia

[@anonymousstout4759]

Dang you linguists I can't fully immersed myself to the subtlety humour of the joke

[@slackerofhell]

This is the first story I ever heard from Bert Kreischer and afterwards I hunted down any special or clip of him I could. The situations he gets himself into are pure gold.

[@kams8759]

Bert: Lv1 Crook **says "I am the Machine"** Bert: Lv40 Mob boss

[@anthalisp5790]

Just Call Me Sköll that’s how mafia works

[@jakethefinn2353]

Dead

[@redandblueflower8585]

That's- Ah, shit

[@sued_]

Pop that

[@Red-le7qo]

Just Call Me Sköll No Mob Boss Fucking Level 1,000, 000, 000, 000 ,000 !!!!

[@robjgolde3221]

“When I was 22 I got involved with the Russian mafia. Here’s how it happened....”- that, my friends, is how you start a story.

[@MM-pt9oz]

That is how you start, continue and finish a story. Man has a real gift at telling a story

[@OrlandoMGarcia]

welcome to my TED talk

[@constancemiller3753]

And that's how he began his senior thesis for the Liberal Arts Teacher. Natch.

[@GaijinGuy36]

Almost as good as "No shit, there I was..."

[@MalloryNewcomb]

I distinctly remember the first time I watched this three or four years ago & as my memory faded, I mainly just remembered that opening. It was brilliant and people started cheering. It became my new standard for good crowd response

[@KatKitKay]

Imagine he visits Russia again after all these years and he’s just walking down the street and hears someone scream “THE MACHINE” and boom it’s igor

[@Zappygunshot]

Wait, which one? Igor, Igor or Igor?

[@Itsssameee]

@@Zappygunshot He means Igor, not Igor or Igor

[@Itsssameee]

@Trying get to Heavens Gate & cop some Nike Decades Igor and not Igor or Igor? Nah man I think it's Igor.

[@firebreathercat133]

Ya'll are tripping he's obviously talking about Igor not Igor and he's obviously not talking about Igor, that guy's a fucking nutcase.

[@plumberdash9729]

I think its igor

[@invisibl3enemy]

The fact that this story is being made into a feature film, is just amazing.

[@anshuuu9708]

What?? Really

[@invisibl3enemy]

@@anshuuu9708 yeah bro search "The Machine" red band trailer. Looks amazing 😂

[@bigbird4481]

​@@invisibl3enemy I didn't know about this special until I saw a trailer lol

[@Fiveash-Art]

It'll be just as bad as this stand up.

[@yeehaw3792]

Is it really "amazing" though?

[@matteocastillosensidoni8770]

This is the most Florida shit I’ve ever heard “Florida student joins mafia on field trip”

[@no1grenada]

Matteo Castillo Sensidoni wiilcock

[@BlackAngus69]

Sounds like gay porn

[@blue_shift]

Then gets into trouble for stealing but finds out the police are with him

[@prettypettywise6207]

Seems like a normal thing here. ( I’m from Florida)

[@ubermenschzarathustra862]

They’re wild

[@sashabergseid2206]

I speak russian and when he said to the mafia “hi i work with cats” I was so confused because I didn’t know why he said that and I thought I had just forgotten the language.

[@polychromia]

I've heard that "cats" is fenya for "fellow gangsters".

[@dansyoutubechannel7812]

what does he say when he’s like strawsvutia bitches i’m in

[@antonivanov9367]

@@dansyoutubechannel7812 it is Zdrastvuite, which means Hello

[@dansyoutubechannel7812]

Anton Ivanov thank you

[@xrovz915]

Paidyom, zdyen, gdye mean?

[@loganeasley4343]

I can’t be the only one who wants to hear the other stories he has, like the pool hall scam and the boat theft.

[@reverendglitch]

He sold the story to a studio that's making it a movie, we'll get to see a lot more of it

[@robertwilsoncastro7155]

@@reverendglitch any link or name of it so i can see?

[@reverendglitch]

@@robertwilsoncastro7155 Not much on it yet, Legendary got the rights to it at the end of 2019, we've got a time to wait but they're having Bert as one of the executive producers so hopefully it'll stick close to his original telling

[@MalloryNewcomb]

Yeah I want to hear those stories... because what if they are even better stories

[@Random_hero66]

He said on the Joe rogan experience the boat theft was supposed to be a boat trip with the school but Russians didn't want to pay to rent a boat so they stole one

[@michaelm5601]

My favorite thing is his comfort with being out of his shirt. This is the opposite if shame. Bert thanks

[@havennott7384]

Imagine his daughters being like "uh dad theres a man named igor at the door asking for the machine!?"

[@kyriakosnikolaidis5368]

that's the post credits scene

[@amitir22]

omg.

[@toddwalling4506]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@anti1training]

Oh you know that's coming hahahaha

[@stalinbeballin9711]

"To this day a large group of Russian Mafia, even those in prison, share the legend of The Machine, their very best young member they've ever had. They say he drank 100 Vodka bottles, simply stating his name and his conquest of great felines. After switching to the Moscow Mafia, as his class went there, he used his resources to befriend them as well- for the word of The Machine had spread. They had already prepared appropriate drink for such a man, and they had plans. After telling off a snobby English teacher (for this is Russia, fuck English teachers), the group, with The Machine acting quite famously, brazenly robbed the train. Even the cops were not immune to The Machine's charm, for they decided to drink with The Machine.

[@timothykennedy612]

This NEVER gets old. I've watched this at LEAST 7 times over the years.

[@dizzythechaos770]

I watched this 7 times over the week

[@JulioMo]

Same

[@leggs2002]

This story is why my sons all have duolingo on their devices, lol, we are learning Russian

[@dizzythechaos770]

@@leggs2002 do they know how to get cheese? Or how to say i am the machine?

[@defenitlyhuman9026]

Same

[@KingKsEDC]

"Liberal Arts confidence" was the most underrated thing about the story.

[@tfwthelsdkicksin6083]

Somebody please explain.

[@elchivoperdido]

@@tfwthelsdkicksin6083 teachers with an English major (damn Democrats) are the most cocky people you'll ever meet.

[@Bittebitte_gib_mir_gift]

Agree

[@DandDskeeto]

No doubt

[@TheTrevler]

Not even underrated. Hardest thing to exaggerate in any story ever.

[@portlandsamber]

I have hated on Bert and refused to hear this story. But now I'm double screening with The Machine on it's Netflix debut and Holy Moly. 54 million views? Okay Bert. You get props for that.

[@chiefkeith5641]

I knew I’d find this comment.

[@nottheoriginalhandle]

​@chiefkeith5641 man we all loved this when it came out

[@trippycoolio3608]

Bert is kinda like Groot “What’s your name?” “I am the Machine” “Ok, where are you from?” “I am the Machine”

[@carterwilliam6351]

They were probably like you know what he’s got beer and he looks fun

[@CEOofgoblins]

"This little frat pimp squeak is the machine?" "Yeah, that's the machine." "You're damn right he's the machine, we're getting hammered tonight." Bert is just sitting there like HELL YEAH IM THE FUCKIN MACHINE!

[@Wildmoonchildani94]

We are the machine

[@Heidegaff]

Russian gangstars, to this day, must be like "His vocabulistics is limited to "I" and "am" and "the" and "Machine", exclusively in that order."

[@sbgsledgegames7887]

@@Wildmoonchildani94 We Comrade

[@crusty_]

Name: The Machine Strength:4 Perception:5 Endurance:8 Charisma:5 Intelligence:1 Agility:2 Luck:9

[@savageshot3723]

I truly appreciate this comment. Thanks for the laugh man

[@Chaotic_Club]

I’m actually going to try this build, what type of weapons should I use

[@gigiachaddicus2424]

@@Chaotic_Club "this machine" assault rifle

[@crusty_]

@@Chaotic_Club this is actually a speech check build and my recommended weapon is the 5.56mm pistol/that gun

[@doom5358]

@@Chaotic_Club whatever weopons your given or told to take

[@shroom125]

This is exactly how friendship works in Russia and I miss it. If you don't have money your friends pay for you, if you don't have a job your friends find it for you, if you don't have a girl let's go find you a girl, and have a good time in the meantime. If any of my old friends tells me he needs me in Russia and he needs my help I would drop everything and jump on the first flight to Russia.

[@onerandombruh]

It seems them nice russian boys are almost your brothers.

[@johnfrost1814]

@decker clemente bro everybody needs Russian friends

[@Tihokoton]

yeah that’s literally true. My friend didn't have a job, but his friend persuaded his boss to accept him, and now he'll get a pretty good salary.

[@Tihokoton]

I'm not a bad friend, I'm just a minor and I have no connections😅 I tried to find him a job, too, but I couldn't

[@kyleterry5190]

Yeah fuck it let's move to russia, hope my tropical physique survives the russian winter

[@Rj-ij6ko]

“Igor i know what you said” “Good for you Machine” LOOOL, the fact that Igor probably didn’t know why he was so excited but just kinda rolled with it 😂

[@SavageDragon999]

Speech: 1 Charisma: 100 Luck: 100

[@justajumpingypsygirl]

If you read Russian fairytales they are never about a hero who is clever or brave. It is always some man who coasts by on his luck and the help of those who are smarter and willing to help.

[@davebuchan81]

@@justajumpingypsygirl Ok, I'm going to Russia. Wish me luck lol.

[@anthonytarczynski5423]

Hotel: Trivago

[@justajumpingypsygirl]

@@davebuchan81 I wish you neither fur nor feather (their equivalent of break a leg)

[@james-ud9lp]

Goes to show that you don't need ranks in combat if you have charisma

[@yubipuni2812]

i can see his kids just saying to their bullies "my dad is in the mafia. have ever heard of the MACHINE"

[@luvs4maryaaam]

OMG your pfp is so cuteee 🥺🙌

[@ericcire1558]

"Understandable have a great day"

[@ericcire1558]

Yo thanks for the like

[@ishanganguli6062]

Y'all with your keqing pfps Jean is better

[@KrisGriffinTV]

“i was in college longer than grunge music was around.” best. analogy. ever.

[@squeat675]

he cracked himself up over it 🤣

[@rrt4511]

You wrote anal orgy wrong

[@mistadeepweb5300]

What's grunge music

[@ev5837]

I love it so much when people laugh at their own jokes.

[@solanatravis6807]

Fucking perfect 👌🏾

[@Bgarcia-1097]

Watched "The Machine" in theaters (May 26th). It was absolutely hilarious, and this story still continues to make me laugh. 😂😂😂😂 Please do yourself a favor and go watch the film.

[@G.F.SF55]

As a person who lives in Russia I can confirm that events he described 100% could've happened in the 90's

[@arihantpratapsingh6268]

I don't know anything But WHY ??

[@arihantpratapsingh6268]

And What is it means "MACHINE" ??

[@vladimirproulx6343]

@@arihantpratapsingh6268 well machina in russian means car ( at least that's how it's mostly referred to)

[@arihantpratapsingh6268]

@@vladimirproulx6343 ooo Thankz Mate

[@artsq1550]

@@arihantpratapsingh6268 not only "car", but also "machine", like one of those huge 40-meters drills, or an engine and etc. Usually when somebody's saying "he's a mcahine" that means "he's strong/tough/enduring". As for "why" question... well, 90-s were transfer period. People were both confused and overwhelmed with new information and merchandise that flown here in eraly 90's. And mafia was really in charge almost everywhere, so they felt powerful and could do really weird stuff.

[@loganblackmun5822]

This is what happens when you make a 1 intelligence, 10 charisma character

[@rimurutempest4945]

20*

[@rajansekhar3750]

You mean infinity intelligence?

[@jae7145]

@@rajansekhar3750 nah, more like infinite charisma xD

[@rajansekhar3750]

@@jae7145 infinite everything

[@spoopymug6760]

100 charisma

[@gabo4613]

I’m a Russian and my grandpa was in the mob and he told me about the machine , I didn’t believe him until now Disclaimer : this is not true I’m just trying to make peoples day a bit better

[@Pp-lu9tx]

How it would work now “The Machine was a legend” “Ok, boomer”

[@gabo4613]

Deadass bro

[@Kenny-rl8zj]

Im amazed. i got here because of tik tok post of a clip of a comedian searched him saw 4 more videos and finished here its 3:40 am and im here listening to a guy saying a cool as story

[@HauntedOath]

@@Pp-lu9tx Best response to "ok boomer" is "go eat a tide pod millennial"

[@gabo4613]

10-4 dinosaur

[@schwartzbrick]

What I didn't understand until I started doing Russian Duolingo (because Bert doesn't explain it, because it's funnier if it seems totally random) is that what he was trying to say was, "I am The Man." ("Muzhchina") and it became "I am the Machine." ("Mashina"). It's a somewhat subtle difference of pronunciation which would be super easy for a crappy American student of Russian to mess up if he was suddenly put on the spot by a scary gangster dude.

[@ЕгорСысоев-ч8н]

Even as a Russian, it took me some time to figure out why there was such a reaction to "the machine", but I think I got it now. Машина (mashina) = the/a machine Мужчина (mushina) = the/a man I guess with this guy's accent, the way he pronounced "машина" sounded almost the same as "мужчина". And saying "Я мужчна!" = "I'm a (real) man!" earned him the respect of the mafia.

[@1969ChevroletCamaro]

He could of said " Ya Mashinka ". That sounds pretty funny. Its Kinda like saying " I'm a Sowing or Washing or any kind of Machine ". And Mashinka is just a funny word in General

[@davydshyroian6138]

Im Russian and Im sure he said he is a Machine. Its way funnier

[@may.b.tomorrow]

иностранец орет что он машина или мужчина. Смешнее будет машина.

[@rambojohnj.6117]

What he said, I think he meant “machine”, because they all refered to him in English as the “machine”.

[@alblgz]

Come on, you're trying to make sense out of bullshit made up by some Pindos. Пизды он, может, получил разок-другой (если вообще в России бывал), и запилил из этого смищную кулстори.

[@weempwomp8256]

This is my first time watching this guy and while he's explaining the story its hard to imagine him with a shirt on

[@legoobi-wan5417]

The paradox started:welcome to the timmy-verse

[@aspebb]

@@legoobi-wan5417 *TIMMY*

[@aspebb]

*TIMMY*

[@adamthestimator]

Now that you mention it, throughout the entirety of the story i pictured him shirtless...because that's all I know of this man...and it just *seems* right...

[@d0lldaddy]

Deadass

[@jamesdavis1236]

Some old Russians are probably like “see comrades, he is real”

[@wildflo267]

This made my day!

[@Ginger-vl5yo]

Смотрите, товарищи, машина настоящая! 😂 just walk up to your Дедушка and say do you know the machine? Wait for his response

[@Bone_Muncher]

@@Ginger-vl5yo Привет товарищ

[@Ginger-vl5yo]

@@Bone_Muncher привет товарищ

[@derkzyyy6566]

@@Ginger-vl5yo translation: hello comrade

[@jarondee4798]

Just got an ad for The Machine movie. As the ad said, and I quote "that's just good marketing"

[@BoxRadishScissors]

"Do you have any idea what it's like to take a test and make up hieroglyphics?" *Cries into Mandarin Chinese homework*

[@sleepywalker87]

*Cries into Wingdings Homework* (yes, it is an actual class at my school, how it got accepted is beyond me)

[@MalloryNewcomb]

David Handley Oh my word I’m sorry but that’s hilarious... I always throw out Wind Dings as my joke font: the sort of jokes like “You mean you think my professor won’t want my research paper in Wing Dings?”

[@WisconsinParkour]

Lmao...also damn.

[@bluesknight9216]

I know what it means to fail Chinese homework because I don’t know characters well

[@davudlastname2545]

Mandarin is hard as fuck

[@soratatami9070]

This guy did and experienced more things in one field trip than I probably will in a whole lifetime.

[@MattZeefy]

You serious? Get out there man!

[@soratatami9070]

@@MattZeefy I don’t think I’m can top a kid who got a field trip to Russia, became friends with Russian Mafia, drank with the mafia, learned Russian thanks to the mafia, robbed a whole train with the mafia, became friends with police after robbing a train, getting respected by Russian police and mafia by just the name “The Machine”, and do all of that in one field trip. Covid lockdowns aren’t making my chances any higher.

[@Sm-rq9ll]

This is a made up story man. Berts a known liar

[@anthonyy_vivid5438]

@@Sm-rq9ll I believe it

[@mockinggbird1841]

@@juliusvandijk449 ​ @Sm T This was confirmed by his classmates actually

[@meliSsa-vd6yn]

This story needs to become a movie

[@thetrickster6828]

Funny you say that

[@370zLogan]

@@thetrickster6828 😂

[@nightrose6116]

@@thetrickster6828 wait is it actually a movie

[@thetrickster6828]

@@nightrose6116 their making one

[@hayley6006]

@@thetrickster6828 name

[@crou8040]

How have I never heard this story??? I love Rogan and all his cronies, and I've never heard "the machine." I feel as though I have brought shame to my family. This is perhaps one of the top five greatest stand-up stories I've ever heard. Bravo.

[@junkersreview]

The movie was somehow more entertaining

[@ghostman3029]

This story is actually real his classmates confirmed it and there are some photos of him and Igor on the internet

[@onerandombruh]

Them comrades' livers are still hurting from that encounter with The Machine.

[@creativeape8994]

Is it actually real ?:0

[@onerandombruh]

@@creativeape8994 as far as I know, the only debatable thing from the whole story is he being involved with the Russian mob, but then again, the Internet has so much info about it that it's complicated to know what's true or not...

[@itsyug1034]

@@creativeape8994 yep there are pics and a whole reddit thread

[@RajveerSingh-zb1wp]

@@itsyug1034 link?

[@badandy102]

If he ever goes back to Russia, I can imagine Putin pulling him aside and saying, "It would be an honor to have a shot with the machine"

[@00BillyTorontoBill]

he would...

[@pufferfishlord9473]

yes haha

[@thisreplysection1050]

i wanna drink shots with Putin once

[@CanadianAmericans4Trump]

I could see it 😂

[@wabai_879]

Hell yeah

[@jeffery9543]

Florida man takes school trip to Russia and joins the Russian mafia and ends up becoming local legend, despite not knowing Russian.

[@KevinSmith-gu9ks]

That’s how we Floridians roll

[@terra_the_nightingale135]

@@KevinSmith-gu9ks next time one of us will try to sneak in a gator

[@ninjarebangbang]

I could believe that headline honestly

[@androgenius_alisa]

It's a common knowledge in Russia that enough vodka breaks the language barriers

[@KevinSmith-gu9ks]

@@terra_the_nightingale135 nah try and nab the elusive Florida man!

[@shawnking6650]

I love, Bert! For some reason, this video over, took my telephone, as there was brainlessly scrolling through KZbin! Then, again, for absolutely no reason this video started playing. Thank you universe.

[@unwantedattention9321]

I wonder if any of the Russian mob is watching this like, “ ah yes, the machine, cool dude”

[@yayydesuu3949]

Its weird that i read this in a russian accent..

[@monsternepal9562]

@@yayydesuu3949 lol

[@vasamaric1243]

Kada bi ta prica bila stvarna .

[@simplyonehellofa.2854]

Anna Hakatori same🤣

[@yahorsinkevich4451]

We're here, Watching. Now we know how the Machine legend was born.

This is just 13 minutes and 52 seconds of Bert admitting he committed several crimes in Russia.

[@johnathandoe2066]

I was hoping he'd say, "For legal reasons this is a joke."

[@joaquinwithers722]

He should probably be arrested. Like, why is he telling people about this? Ngl, it was very funny but still

[@JMak_C-137]

"Because it's russia. Fuck that bitch"

[@cmt3]

treeleaf_375 Russia has a 3 year statute of limitations (he can’t be arrested anymore)

[@jaydunbar7538]

@@joaquinwithers722 it would have to be true for Russia to want to go through the paperwork hassle of extradition. It costs millions, spending millions to arrest someone for a joke.

[@BERGB3RG]

This story is actually true. He has a picture to prove the Igors and it’s really situated in Russia.

[@SerenityScratch]

where

[@BERGB3RG]

Serenity Scratch just look it up. It’s on google, and even on twitter! :)

[@SerenityScratch]

Bergy dam I saw it, it was great lol

[@dibbzzgr3173]

Ca i get the link? Cant find it anywhere

[@BERGB3RG]

Πετραν Μεγανησι here you go bro. twitter.com/joshcrewsreally/status/818186323903201280

[@ombricshalazar3869]

the best way to learn a language is immersing yourself in the culture and environment no wonder bert instantly picked up so much

[@mikhailzaruykin663]

The machine is an urban legend where I grew up

[@PhucDat37]

can you elaborate?

[@mikhailzaruykin663]

@@PhucDat37 It would be an honour to get an autograph from The Machine

[@PhucDat37]

@@mikhailzaruykin663 alright, but can you tell more of what exactly this urban legend about him is about?

[@mikhailzaruykin663]

@@PhucDat37 They say The Machine can smell premium vodka from a mile away

[@mikhailzaruykin663]

@@PhucDat37 They say, after The Machine freestyled against a bear, the bear needed counselling

[@crimsonwolf1982]

All made sense when he said "I went to school at Florida State"

[@AxxLAfriku]

This is super confusing to me: Why do I have TWO amazingly attractive girlfriends even though I am the unprettiest KZbinr EVER? Good night dear wolf

[@maoutan945]

@@AxxLAfriku bruh

[@AMG-316]

Bro, I thought that made him at least, "street GanGsta" right there? Lol😎😶✌

[@jasondriver9982]

Best time in college was at FSU...

[@hategoes2way345]

You're a meme now. I took screenshots

[@JekaKudin]

As a Russian, I can assure you: this is 100% accurate. Russia's Lihie (translation - wild) 1990 were exactly like that.

[@АлександрАнсимов-м5н]

Dodik ebanii ne pozor strany etimi ybogimi baikami

[@Makarosc]

Has anything really changed?

[@VasilyMusic]

@@Makarosc Yeah, I wouldn't recommend robbing trains in Russia in 2021...

[@triniacey]

@@VasilyMusic question, are the same mobs running stuff or how much has it changed?

[@VasilyMusic]

@@triniacey Russia is almost a police state today, all the 90's mob simply became businessmen and ministers, so you're not gonna see any street gangs in Russia these days. You're most likely to get fucked by a police officer than a bandit.

[@Doughy_in_the_Middle]

I love Bert. This movie was every single bit as hysterical as I hoped. If you plan on going to see this movie, and you're taking anyone who is anywhere from simply "disliking" Bert to even as much as "meh" about Bert, leave them the hell home. They might chuckle, they might laugh, but they won't TRUELY appreciate it. If you love his comedy, you will love every minute of this movie. I have watched every special of Bert's. I've watched The Machine bit at least a dozen times. My son (22) and daughter (19) have been watching him with me for years (and I took both of them to see it with me of course). Hell, I made an NPC for our D&D campaign specifically based on "The Machine" as a character who is one of the absolute favorites of any NPC I've ever made. The flashbacks of the original bit were followed near-perfectly (I'd have to watch it again to see which parts were adjusted to fit in the film plot). The slight alterations to the original plot to fit with the current story were just crazy enough to blend in. I was prepared for the humor, but I was not prepared for the level of action going on. The fight scenes were like watching Jackie Chan or Samo Hung fight if they were a overweight, middle-aged man with a receding hairline who had no martial art skills but was REALLY well choreographed and/or had a stunt double. I also wasn't prepared for all the touching moments. Let's be real: no one has a "normal family" and Bert's comedy act points that fact out. So in this movie, it didn't even attempt to try and fluff it up to make it seem normal. Watching it with my now adult son and daughter a couple weeks before Father's Day (intentional???) was just icing on the cake. I would go see this again easily in a theater. I will buy this when it comes out so I can watch it whenever I want. It was every bit as hysterical as his standup routine which I still need to make some day. Machine, it was an honor to share popcorn with my kids during your movie.

[@Oogidahboogidah]

Oh so you’re the one guy who watched the movie

[@TJEversII]

I hope you weren’t too weirded out being one of the 5 people that saw it. This unfunny garbage lost millions of dollars

[@Doughy_in_the_Middle]

Both of you guys should go watch a Brie Larson movie. Seems more like your style.

[@Oogidahboogidah]

@@Doughy_in_the_Middle yeah coz if you don’t like fat unfunny losers with a shit laugh and boring stories, you must like Brie Larson movies. There is no in between.

[@OlgaDrebas]

Him being shirtless added to his overall pretty “russian” looks i think.

[@allenja0]

He didn't do that till he started doing comedy.

[@leoanhermon]

I think that's the point

[@dumbshitmule2251]

He D O E S N' T C H E A T on his W I F E ! ! !

[@kodecrain4077]

That's what I'm saying

[@loganroca]

Idk what it is but it just kinda works for him

[@mokongthe3856]

This is what it's like playing a character in DnD with all your stats spent into charisma...

[@certifiedbrackernenjoyer.6545]

@@normmacdonaldliveseason3ep866 Dude this sounds awsome though! Would you not want this?

[@zh0ck]

Haha, yes! So true

[@ChayComas]

I can certify that sentiment...

[@addamsixx7915]

Charisma check .. ..

[@ChayComas]

@@addamsixx7915 PC: I'd like to join the local thieves guild DM: You don't speak the language, you don't know Thieve's Cant, you don't have any criminal background, and you have zero rapport..... Roll a charisma check with disadvantage .. PC: Nat 20 DM: on both?? PC: yup! DM: well, what is that total then? PC: 25 DM: .... Ya, well .. I guess you do that ...

[@twilight1973able]

I once saw Bert with the Pope. Some guy turned to me and asked, "Hey, who is that guy standing next to The Machine?"

[@AxxLAfriku]

WOAH WOAH WOAH!!! Let me get this perfectly straight: You comment something that is completely unrelated to the fact that I have two HAZARDOUSLY HOT girlfriends? Considering that I am the unprettiest KZbinr worldwide, it is really incredible. Yet you did not mention it at all. I am VERY disappointed, dear jane

[@sickbee4281]

@@AxxLAfriku wtf

[@b.r.papercuts3761]

AxxL, WOAH.

[@KronksLever]

@@AxxLAfriku speak your shit king

[@sus5468]

@@AxxLAfriku what tf you on about

[@TheQueerLeaf]

And the fact this is now a movie is insane

[@sebastianday3243]

When he said ☆○#👟, I felt that.

[@ryankasik7911]

Right lmal

[@MadaraUchiha-mv2hn]

# mood

[@ShokkaReacts]

Star O hashoe?? Is that what you meant ?

[@user-zb9ow6du6c]

BaseManPranks if you watched 2 minutes of the video you’d get it

[@ShokkaReacts]

@@user-zb9ow6du6c I watched the whole damn video man I just didn't get what this guy wrote with the Emojis

[@0tu0tu62]

If this were literally ANYWHERE ELSE I wouldn't believe a single word he said, but this is Russia we're talking about.

[@omarsameh7103]

0tu 0tu not to mention he is a florida man

[@whateverlolawants]

OMG, my friend's stories about her semester in Russia are some of the most insane I have ever heard.

[@neo7538]

yeah, fck that bitch

[@Fmanzo10]

Oh there are pictures out there. It’s all true, right. Down to the fanny pack he was wearing.

[@armouredjester1622]

@@Fmanzo10 Holy shit there are pictures

[@angryyogbuscus1578]

*THE MACHINE RUNS ON VODKA*

[@chasejohnson8326]

In Soviet Russia vodka runs on the machine

[@inky4658]

Lol

[@fluffysugakookies9580]

Wodka

[@stieger_fx1862]

If you put vodka in its air intake, you can make the machine run far better.

[@guidomista9457]

The baba yaga

[@johnl3624]

I've watched this over and over for years wishing that there would be a movie and today I almost pissed myself laughing when I seen the movie trailer for The Machine!!!!! Yes yes yes it's finally happening!!!!!

[@Rytonic69]

Imagine how those banditi felt seeing Bert. They get assigned to escort a bunch of American college students and are probably pissed off and bored by this assignment, and then out of nowhere this frat boy in a fanny pack comes to their room with a ton of alcohol and declares himself "The Machine." They were probably stoked to see him, because he was just fun to hang out with and drink. Not to mention he can keep up with them in drinking

[@NRPax]

The fact he approached them definitely got their attention.

[@ssheeessh]

wow congrats!! you have the critical thinking skills of a 13 year old and are actually getting credit for it

[@nadiaforler9583]

@@ssheeessh why tf you angry? Lmao

[@ssheeessh]

@@nadiaforler9583 The fact over a thousand people read this worthless paragraph that did nothing but reiterate the story to a lesser effect and ACTUALLY liked it just disturbs me. His comment was trash. You calling me out for being a douche was a better comment. Ever have someone tell you an amazing story, then someone in the group makes such a stupid, obvious comment that it wipes the smile right from your face; kills a braincell or two in the process? Basically the same thing.

[@adhiwicaksono6149]

@@ssheeessh bro who hurt you

[@BenWeinerRVA]

“They’ve alerted the police” panik “Don’t worry, I talk to police for both of us” kalm “He cracks a bottle of vodka” PANIK

[@juandlemusr5756]

"He's the machine " Hypes in Russian

[@Junyi03572]

Now who dares to do the same thing but the nickname 'the terminator'

[@ghobetsky]

I dare

[@redenderman2764]

So I understand your the machine.

[@clarkmiller287]

Underrated comment

[@30andfree]

After watching this at least 30 times, two things I’ve noticed: 1. The set is so hilarious that the fact that he’s not wearing a shirt doesn’t even cross our minds. 2. He mentions the professor is “still hot”, which implies that he’s still in contact with the professor who started all of this mess, and honestly that’s the funniest thing to imagine in this whole set.

[@fumothfan9]

I wonder if she heard of this and knew the set of events she set in motion.

[@Impulse1912]

@@fumothfan9 lmao i wouldnt doubt it. She was probably on the trip

[@tdrxy]

the shirt less aspect was the first thing i noticed

[@Jeff.78]

@@tdrxy As a fellow fat man with less body hair than Bert, I can confirm your statement.

[@notsuresomemush2977]

It's is wife 😂

[@XanderHD]

A couple years later and he has a MOVIE, so glad to see how successful he became!

[@jeschoofs]

Imagine: you’re a 27 year old russian mobster, you inherited the business from your father. He told you of the dangers of the world of crime and men who could ruin anyone’s lives. Few of those story’s scared you, but one always stook out “The machine” The machine was a deranged, psychopath who cared for no one but himself. Stealing trains, ratting out comrades, even fucking cats just because he thought it was funny. The machine truly was a force to be reckoned with. Altough you couldn’t confirm it for yourself, there were always rumors of him hiding in the USA. You told your kid this story multiple times and he loved it, and also feared it, as much as you did. Years later you need to go to america to take care of a rival gang in a comedy bar. You’re supposed to look for intel while blending into the crowd. The comedians were pretty meh until this “bert” guy came in. He started talking about how he took russian and failed miserably. You actually laughed at him. But then, his story begins to sound like The Machine’s story. you hear him utter The Machine signature line “I AM THE MACHINE”. You cry as you see your childhood hero is just a random fat guy.

[@Joker863x]

This was amazing

[@ala1687]

Great work

[@karimosman7253]

You writer or some shit

[@onerandombruh]

Better keep it as a local legend among the comrades...

[@kiwiconnection3580]

All heroes are actually just random guys. That did some crazy shit after a moment of exceptional confidence. Go forth and be your own hero.

[@nickthemilkmanlost3928]

Literally a 10 Luck 10 charisma 10 endurance character

[@kazokazo172]

how about wisdom and int

[@williamtaylor6926]

@@kazokazo172 no🤣

[@Panda_Sammy]

Plus outfit🤯🤯🤯🤯

[@potatoyes5]

@@kazokazo172 -9 int -1 wisdom

[@biomadnesstrip]

@@kazokazo172 Full chart would be something like this Strenght 7 because of the chunky arms Dexterity 2 Endurance 10 Intelligence 3 Wisdom 7 the part he talks about not cheating his wife its a great insight trow Charisma 10 I am the machine!!! Luck 10

[@dreeno2382]

Please make this a movie

[@abartons2]

Dreeno 🙌

[@kathalacy1894]

They did. It's called Van Wilder, I think.

[@TJ_CrXss]

Seth Rogan playing as Bert Kreisher

[@ihy_btw3597]

heck yeah!!!😲🔥

[@widenmyhole]

Only seth rogen could play this role

[@Bonnie_Mairead]

This is one of those stories I will never get bored of hearing again.

[@GladiatorNL-pd7ut]

They should turn this story into a movie.

[@mizobannana5119]

They actually are making one

[@UnlessIWin]

National Lampoon Van Wilder is based off of him lol

[@alamafc6433]

What’s it called

[@acycle2124]

This would be such a great comedy

[@PolarFlix]

OMG YES!! i literally cant stop thinking abt it now

[@RealDorchesterCV]

I never get tired of this story

[@TaitRo1018]

Clo Go honestly if Burt doesnt have the stripes from the conductors uniform set and framed, well, im sad

[@Tigerman1138]

Clo Go me too!!!

[@mr.noname1910]

Pretty sure I've watched this 5 times so funny

[@poadude]

it never happened dummi.

[@jakelynnrussle4374]

Will yes it did

[@petermonteleone8153]

Since this video first hit the internet years back, I have always thought it was one of the funniest stories I've ever heard. I literally just saw the trailer for this movie about 20 minutes ago, and I swear, I am about as excited as one could possibly be to see this movie. Caaaaaaaaaaan't wait .

[@seanbrady8529]

Russian boy: dad what was the weirdest thing that happened on the mafia? Father: (Russian accent) I met American man who called himself the machine it was weird but good time my boy

[@d0wnf4ll57]

i would imagine that someone with a russian son would have a russian accent

[@DefaltRat_]

Father: Now go to Gulag

[@umutyigit4918]

I hope there is a ex Russian mafia member who became a comedian and does this skit from their prespective.

[@PhobicRaptor740]

I highly doubt any Russian gangster is still alive and has kids taking into consideration they drink and smoke until their piss drunk almost every day 🤣🤣

[@karlipeters3472]

I actually read it in a Russian accent. That was nice

[@cvphrr8622]

Visits Russia again: Gets arrested: Officer: “so I heard...... YOUR THE MACHINE!!!!”

[@B4NSHE3]

The officer just wants to have a good time 😂

[@iamalpharius9483]

*You're

[@OneCent1981]

@@iamalpharius9483 language barrier. Doesn't know the correct uses yet.

[@mynuttsitch5959]

You’re

[@yourmom5761]

“no. they call me... tater salad”

[@matics2808]

This is funny? This is what Bert’s fans find funny? Holy shit.

[@ImGoingSupersonic]

Not at all. Its cringe. You have to have to be slightly stupid to find this funny.

[@Funstun-yk7oo]

He is literally confessing to a train robbery and he can, because what is the government going to do to The Machine?

[@andresherrera2902]

Different country

[@MOMOFCJ6]

What are they gonna do it's the machine

[@RMSLtnick]

Different country and like 15 years ago

[@RMSLtnick]

Correction 25 years ago

[@onerandombruh]

They will enjoy some shots with The Machine.

[@Alvy.07]

“Florida man robs train and joins Russian mafia during school field trip”

[@jimhutcho1083]

Seems about right for Florida man

[@imafraidjumitebeinagang]

Florida people doing stupid incredible shit isnt just a meme anymore

[@michaelsieger9133]

Crashinator where do you think the meme comes from?

[@jttekton]

@@imafraidjumitebeinagang He is The Machine.

[@deathball5083]

Hugh Mungus and no charges were on him

[@zackakai5173]

So what you're saying is if I want to become fluent in Japanese, I need to join the Yakuza

[@WeaponizedStrumpet]

Sounds about right!

[@purple-galaxys8472]

Lol😂

[@aeroz2804]

@razmik simonyan Lol race IS a big deal to the Russian mafia. Russia itself is notorious for racism let alone the mafia.

[@letsgojake.4078]

Science.

[@africanking5558]

Exactly

[@orryyang8846]

The machine movie is so fun to watch, haven’t watched another movie like this for years, I really wish it makes another one

[@JuliaHap]

I love when comedians laugh at their own jokes you already know it’s gonna be good

[@neredleg8657]

Julia_aaa how does this have no comments 😂😂

[@mudboy8059]

Julia_aaa Bert laughs at everything though. Bill Burr says Bert “giggles like a schoolgirl”

[@insaneoyster9053]

I was in collage longer than grunt music was around.. dies laughing

[@insaneoyster9053]

Brian Warner how long are you visiting? You see we earth people are small minded compared to your highly superior race

[@camdavies5530]

@@insaneoyster9053 welcome to Brian's world insect resistance is futile your kind will evolve to service us but first you must learn how to spell grunge correctly

[@NohorseRU]

I'm Russian and I can confirm that his story actually adds up really well. The time frame, the actions of the people, the particular and very specific things we Russians do that you couldn't have really known, language specifics.. I've even seen the photos. So maybe it's 'embelished' a bit for comedic effect, but I genuinely believe this story. And what a story it is!

[@adop1562]

your countries fucking lit большая любовь

[@barcased]

As a Serb, I concur.

[@Recon1127]

it is legit, there was a facebook post on this video specifically, and an old classmate of his posted a picture of that trip. It was him with a white shirt, baggy jeans, and the fanny pack he said he had. legit story.

[@toolssmith1489]

Tom Tran were

[@zeeman3891]

Is Putin going to mess with the election coming up? Just curious

[@alextaylor29]

Thanks to KZbin’s algorithms seeing this for the first time. Will see this movie this week!

[@zyp6393]

"When I was 22 I got involved in the Russian mafia." **crowd cheers* ...the crowd knows whats up xD

[@ShyGal_Lilly]

They've heard of the machine

[@lachlanmann4511]

It's probably a popular story at the bar. Most of them are probably regulars that have heard it before or have heard about from friends.

[@zyp6393]

yeah I assumed so, but you know you gotta make them ha ha funny epic jokes.

[@delayedsniper0838]

1,000th like!

[@heartsmp4418]

*crowd full of igors* hes probably trying to make them laugh cuz they want to kill him :D

[@rambo8710]

Some dude:"IM THE MACHINE" Russian Gangsters: "HES THE MACHINE!"

[@Ouroboros_609]

Sorry I ruined your 420 likes

[@rambo8710]

@@Ouroboros_609 i didnt even know i reached that many like until now that i am at 591 likes

[@Prometheus-fc4rm]

Guys in next room: tf is happening over there

[@transferegg]

@@Ouroboros_609 u bastard innit

[@thatdrumguyagain]

yes, i remember that.

[@teeheebrah6584]

This man really just became an honorary member of the mob by being at 14th person in a class and accidentally saying IM THE MACHINE to some Russians absolute legend

[@christdolphin69]

allegedly

[@rexjolles]

@@christdolphin69 there's proof

[@NerdyCatCoffeeee]

It's like that in Russia. You never know what can happen, and it is impossible to predict. As a Russian, we always have a twist up our sleeve

[@gamerpedia1535]

@@NerdyCatCoffeeee except his classmates and teachers confirmed it.

[@NerdyCatCoffeeee]

@@gamerpedia1535 what do you mean by this reply? Like in General? I mean yes, his classmates and teachers confirmed it, but i didn't mention anything about this story being false or anything. At least i think i didn't say anything like that...

[@glassspyders]

I love this story. I think about this story all the time now! Sure gets my mind clear! The Machine!!!

[@usmcgrunt_1944]

Imagine this: Bert receives tickets in the mail to fly to Moscow, and is picked up in a black Escalade at the airport. The driver says nothing as they drive through the streets. They arrive at the Kremlin and he is escorted into a large conference room, where the table is occupied by generals from all branches of the Russian Armed Forces. At the head of the table sits the big man himself, Vladimir Putin. The door shuts and he stands up, and says...."So I hear you are The Machine?"

[@just_a_random_person9910]

Tonight yoi party with us

[@anonymousunknown5812]

AND I FUCK CATS 😂😂😂😂

[@ABc-ob8qi]

Make that into a movie

[@bratrobot]

@@ABc-ob8qi wait, you don't know?

[@doggo3918]

Russian boss music starts playing in the background as it starts getting louder... "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey....."

[@tacticallemon7518]

i like to imagine he walks into Russia some day and just shouts “I’m the machine” and at least 3 guys offer him vodka

[@goroakechi6126]

We’ve got a cheers situation where the entire bar greets him.

[@akirathewildcard9625]

Only 3 I'm pretty sure Vladimir putin would come in two private jets one for him and one for *the machiiiiiiiine*

[@SchlaftaterNrzZz]

Man you people are delusional

[@SchlaftaterNrzZz]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/opexl6V8araBabM

[@johnman559]

This Lefty bearded drivel that doesn't get a laugh till well over a minute gets 45 million views now that is funny🤣🤣🤣👍

[@Doom_Guy__]

In America you follow the rules. In Russia the rules follow you.

[@ds7900]

lol...it's like the Wild West.

[@donte339]

Comrade Pepe Am i the only one that read the Russia line in a Russian accent

[@explosivefreak666]

Comrade Pepe : Russia is the Chuck Norris of countries.!

[@explosivefreak666]

Inkoy : No, you are not... (Aso said with accent).. :)

[@cornybeef]

DR Stock but cold

[@UGHITSJOE]

I wish they made a movie of this

[@braxtonthelucario2129]

Funny to see a random big KZbinr here

[@accountcounter1895]

“You gotta remember I was taking tests in a language which i was unfamiliar with their alphabet” Best quote I have heard in a long time

"The answer is star hashtag circle shoe!"

[@CepticTech]

Caleb Jordan I felt that🥺😔

[@mr.bombastic413]

Everyone gangsta until the machine comes in with a bottle of vodka

[@FallenRingbearer]

I'd think that MAKES everybody gangster.

[@Ginger-vl5yo]

@@FallenRingbearer nope, that makes you a Russian, come in with водка and you become the Russian, now drink it and keep supplying it to them till everyone’s hung over as hell.

[@DREAMP4RK3R]

Then everyone is Russia gangsta

[@Kal-El207]

I’ll never forget when I first saw this. Almost didn’t watch it. But his shirt was off and his beard looked amazing. So I listened. And I’m so glad I sat through it. One of the best true comedy stories ever told.

[@jamesmayle3787]

Jesus Christ is Lord. Please take your salvation seriously. It is all True. Read the Bible and do what it says. It's more important than you know/

[@quattrobajeena135]

@@jamesmayle3787 you are correct.

[@Dahk]

If you think this story was ever true I've got an island to sell you

[@nathan9901]

@@Dahk it was confirmed tho

[@Dahk]

@@nathan9901 You mean like 1/10th of the story was confirmed by people who might have been in that class with him? Sure

[@sunsin435]

Who else came back to listen because they’re making a movie about this

[@paulocanecarlthedamnjohnson]

One time I was on a tf2 server and it was just me and a russian guy. I screamed extremely broken Russian and he did the same in english. We’ve been friends on steam ever since

[@ninothunder3444]

Bros will always find one another

[@salmonbelmont7758]

Сука блять

[@bigboi3316]

@@salmonbelmont7758 cat tucker bean bisque

[@blue_bunnycat]

That happened to me once. Only in French..

[@paulocanecarlthedamnjohnson]

Destiny Cauthon interesting

[@sriana5136]

This is the CORE of what Chaotic Good looks like

[@onlyusingthistocomment8763]

Yes

[@onlyusingthistocomment8763]

Very

[@onlyusingthistocomment8763]

Good

[@Potato-yd3hv]

H-how is this Chaotic Good? He ROBBED his classmates. This is Chaotic Neutral, obviously.

[@zhorky]

@@Potato-yd3hv I agree. That's the most chaotic neutral shit I've ever seen

[@somerandomdud3356]

Could you imagine in the middle of the story some Russian guy is just like “Machine is that you?”

[@carlosbarra2719]

🤣💀

[@mlc36tva14]

oh shit, Igor??!