Best DRINKING Jokes | Stand-Up Compilation

[@thomasadams196]

Your fantastic Jim! My wife recently passed away. watching you takes me away from my sorrow even if it's only for little while. Thanks Jim you now have another follower.

[@ShiftingDrifter]

I was a new father and once went through a convenience store checkout with diapers and beer. The cashier laughed and said, "Wow, diapers and beer... you're either a new dad or planning a serious bender."

[@geraldfrost4710]

The guy in front of me a the grocery store purchased a six pack of beer and a quart of mayonnaise. He left, and I told the cashier, "There's a guy who knows how to party!"

[@gadgetsage]

I once bought wine, clothesline and condoms. And yes.

[@jdunnatl]

I once argued with a cab driver for several minutes that I didn't call him for a ride, when I was passing-out in a hungry circle of homeless men in the parkinglot after a hockey game in Atlanta...and I was wrong, my drunk ass did call him. I don't know why I stopped to buy two gallons of milk...to take to my girlfriend's house, either. She was not appreciative of the gesture. 😅

[@brucebissonnette1758]

@@geraldfrost4710 o

[@denisemarie1825]

Great jokes write themselves

[@debranielsen2002]

I flip back and forth on KZbin between Jim Gaffigan and Michael McIntyre just so I can find some joy in these rough times. They never let me down.

[@krackNsmackk]

I'd rather rewatch Jim's standup then ever watch Michaels stand up any day of the week.

[@alysononoahu8702]

Sarah Millican Tom papa

[@jasonradford1768]

Check out Tim Hawkins. He's absolutely hilarious and very talented on the guitar also

[@ndjubilant8391]

Thanks for the other name, I will check him out

[@bigmacjunkie]

Nate Bargatze is great

[@YouTube_User_9]

This guy is such a good comedian, funny years ago, funny now. I swear he will never run out of material.

[@yourface3154]

What material? The totally under-used hot pocket joke?

[@aazhie]

@@yourface3154 why are you here? Go watch a comedian you like. Life is too short to waste on bashing harmless fun xD

[@johngardner1898]

We like you Jim, and always have. Now we love and respect you!!! You are a courageous and honorable man. And hilarious!

[@Its_me--Boo_Radley]

I second that!

[@re_styles]

Sounds like a good mother. 🤔

[@philwright2480]

The bar, nursery comparison is hilarious, spot on

[@desleykakoulidisgallaway3382]

You’re a legend Jim- total genius. Amazing humour ❤

[@kevs6402]

Nice to see someone from those early days who actually made it. Well done Jim.

[@patricklaw9951]

Jim Gaffigan has got to be the king of comedy !!! Funny !!!

[@oliviajackson9616]

Watching this because I'm turning 21 in a week 😼 thank you for helping me stay sane through the pandemic, Jim!

[@johnhoey4605]

My wife and I have seen you live several times. On your Hotpockets you asked us after the show during meet & greet if your stuff is funny, because it’s not always easy to tell when you’re on stage. We told you you’re among the funniest ever...we love your work!

[@yoranger8349]

That’s so sweet and awesome he sounds very humble

[@ghosted1662]

JIm Gaffigan is my favorite comedian now. Thanks for releasing these compilations. Jesus, do I need a reason to laugh. Breakup, pandemic, job searching, crazy family. Thank you. This is medicine! Medicinal comedy should be a thing.

[@globetrekker86]

0:33 almost had me in tears. “Anyway… I love you.” We love you, too, Jim 🙂

[@KazamYoutube]

The Christmas bit literally had me on the floor, the rest of the video kept me there. Sooooo good Jim, thanks for doing what you do. So awesome.

[@adamwarlock2099]

As a 43 year old married man with two teenage sons he’s absolutely correct about drinking.

[@dogscratchedoor]

Yup!

[@MissSeaSea]

I met him when I was a bouncer in a bar on the river walk in San Antonio. He was trashedddd, and sooo nice and funny

[@cdhagen1]

This came to me as a surprise, but my wife and I clean for a local brewery. That would include cleaning the restrooms. Guys, hold your heads high, the women's restroom is far dirtier that the men's room.

[@blancacaro8039]

Thanks Jim for speaking truth to power. I love watching your standup during rough days!

[@rondunn4084]

Thanks Jim for all the entertainment have watched you for years and you’ve always been funnyWithout all the vulgarity you are a genuine guy Godspeed and be safe

[@thedanadonnashow6798]

Jim is an incredible comedian 😅

[@mevolveme]

Shout out to all the fellow drinkers that started drinking more since covid

[@tomhoffman1665]

Vvvvvv

[@funniebunnie4u]

Yaaaasssss! 🥂🍴

[@huemann3416]

Jim we love you. Thank you for all that you do. You make life tolerable. In fact, I’m sending all my prayers to you. Don’t spend them all in one place. Unless of course you want to.

[@Blakkrazor69]

You are a National Treasure sir. Your skit about Hot Pockets had me literally rolling on the floor crying. I hadn't laughed like that since hearing Abott and Costello do "Who's on First?".

[@gigiarmany4332]

rewatching these earth shatteringly hilarious old videos, I realise my whole view of the world has been moulded by Jims narrative, I now share his inner monologue on all topics...its uncanny, this is a powerful guy👍🏾👍🏾❤❤ and sooo hilariously funny❤❤❤❤🥳🥳🥳

[@tomslik4]

I love the way Jim doesn't have to use profanity in his act, that in itself is quite amazing.

[@allysonsmith2532]

You always make my day during this strange and difficult time! Excited for my daily dose of stand-up and dinner with the Gaffigans!!!! Thank you for everything you do to keep us smiling!!!!!!

[@Laura-Lee]

I can NOT eat and drink (or breathe) while watching Jim. If I eat, I choke and if I'm drinking something there's a strong chance at some point it will come out of my nose! Jim Gaffigan videos ... The best way to lose weight. Thanks, Jimmy and keep on eating to keep up those per capita quotas! I appreciate your sacrifice. 😊 🙋🏻‍♀️✝ 🇨🇦❤

[@KingOfgods-hq8cc]

I was drinking out of my flask Bacardi when I herd the flask joke I almost puked of laughter. Good stuff man

[@hrlnmlclm]

Cut off the tree, put it inside. Take all the lights, put them outside. Christmas. 😂

[@cher8644]

I was a ground paramedic. I couldn't figure out how bars made money because every busted up drunk I hauled out of a ditch only ever had "two beers".

[@STEVENFRYFRY]

They didn't mention they were bubba cups of beer

[@NinjaSushi2]

@@STEVENFRYFRY lol

[@DeathBYDesign666]

Yeah but those beers are like a gallon and cost 27 dollars each, and that's just for a domestic non-craft beer. It's crazy how expensive bars are these days, dollar beer nights are like 3 dollars now. Lol

[@bigwin2010]

Two big pitchers.

[@badandy102]

I've heard that Dr.s and nurses usually take the number of drinks a person said they had, or have daily, and at least double it because people lie about the amount they drink.

[@warrencolegrove1]

Love you Jim ! Thanks for all the great comedy !

[@entrippyZ]

his brooklyn accent is my favorite thing

[@TayR0C]

I love all the voices he does, but the Brooklyn one is my favourite.

[@danielhamilton3317]

The drinking jokes are spot on.

[@NinjaSushi2]

Dude. This is hilarious! I've grown up watching you since I was a kid. I'm thirty-three now and still laughing my butt off.

[@cleobinx]

Me too

[@mikki3961]

Beer, Bourbon and Prosecco lifes little pleasures. A joke or two from Jim...perfection.

[@gonzosierra1]

He's an amazing writer/actor!!

[@teresahowick5197]

You’re too funny. Much love and support from Canada

[@matteougolini6753]

The bathroom attendant jokes made me cry 🤣🤣🤣. I need to see Jim live

[@billydrumskin777]

This is great! Why is there a pine tree in our living room? Love it! Heath Horner rules!! Rock on!!!

[@feardrinker]

You know you're an alcoholic when you come home sober and your dog attacks you.

[@rasui80]

this me cry laugh dude what the hell lmao

[@lukewitkowski248]

That was good 👍

[@TayR0C]

😂😂

[@jonfrank9424]

Fair enuff mate 🤘🏼😂🍺

[@branajam]

You are an absolute genius! I love your comedy! Proud to be from the same state as you. (But I've lived in Europe for almost 40 years.)

[@palois2022]

I like Jim in that hat. Is this odd, I'm so used to watching him every morning, my day feels like it just started and its 3pm. Well at least it's a good habit, a healthy habit too.

[@RonInNapa]

Thanks Jim. Great complilation at a time when I really needed some humor.

[@sdonato8270]

How do you come up with such funny material? 🤣😭😭 The Canadian clam juice jokes had me weak. 🤣

[@MelbaToast7117]

The clam juice one gets me every time! "Eh! You know that thing that looks like a snot?!" Lol

[@dmedina6835]

Jim your the greatest !!!!! Stay strong - we are all with you - dump prez chump!!!!!

[@nancysurbanfarm2504]

Best comedian I’ve ever heard!!!

[@mrmactknife]

I lost it at the yahtzee cup joke, that was a good one :)

[@marietanner7538]

"Hey u seem like a drunk on the go!" 😆

[@zeldasmith6154]

He's saved so many lives. I'm sure he cracks up Martha Stewart. She should have him on her show. I guess she still has a show. I gave up TV. Now I KZbin 24/7.😂

[@spaceo8568]

👍 Everytime, Jim. You're a national treasure and I adore you! 🤘

[@davejohnson7432]

Another great video Jim....I stand by you, and always will

[@Exposetheluciferianagenda]

“I got wasted last night and then I went to build some low income housing” 🤣

[@plucas1]

How you can tell a guy has never worked in a bar or restaurant: They think the Men's Restroom has to be worse than the Women's Restroom. HOLY GOD IT IS NOT

[@mattmorgan5370]

Probably looks like a murder scene 🤣🤣🤣

[@maenad1231]

@Leo Proctor Buckets of blood I swear

[@SnarfSnarf1]

Exactly!! The women's bathroom is WAY worse than the men's. I worked as a janitor for a bit and that was the absolute worst part of the job was the lady's room!

[@masonmcgowan2825]

I worked at a public pool for a while when I was about 14-16. The women’s bathroom was the bane of my existence. So…much…wet toilet paper on the floor, and used tampons… 😖

[@melmo5218]

In public toilets in hospitals too. Tissue paper, wet and dry, litter, all over the place. Toilets unflushed.

[@theemilyelizabeth]

The fake retching noises you made re: no clam juice in a Bloody Mary had me laughing so hard I legit almost peed. Almost. 😂😂😂

[@JosetteBadger]

Oh my gosh the clam juice jokes!!’ Thank you JG, thank you!

[@amygalvin1799]

I’ve been binging on your comedy since the Ukraine war, pandemic, global warming ….and you’re just so funny! Never could understand why people need a reason from me when I pass on drinks? 🥴

[@sonjatheierl1]

Just saw your daughter behind you for your dinner vid yesterday CUTEST SMILE EVER your kids are adorable

[@Ann71987]

Cute but.... Yeah you're probably creepy lols

[@Str8Flossin]

@@Ann71987 😂

[@desertfish1460]

LOL! I love you Jim Gaffigan! I love your yellow hat in the intro! So cute!❤️

[@davidevelyn530]

Made the mistake of watching him 2 days after hernia surgery. Ouch!

[@PeterGreen2015]

what you wrote made me laugh until it hurt - also back from the hospital in pain, meds, ice pack, meditation and prayer and rest, then laughter...I've likely seen all his stuff already but i laugh more than once at his stuff so what you wrote made me laugh at laughing, thanks ever so much

[@davidevelyn530]

@@PeterGreen2015 Glad I could be a further source of humor. Heal fast. Love your guitar playing BTW.

[@staropalis]

Laughter is the best medicine Unless you’re treating a hernia

[@scottsouth68]

NOOOOO! I had double hernia surgery when I was 15yo, it seemed like everyone bought me joke books! =D

[@BangleWish]

I always make sure I also save my Jim Gaffigan clips in my Ted Talks list.

[@mikesaler1038]

Hi Jim! Loved your humor for years (and your wife's)! But I finally joined you & paid up after a friend forwarded your F-you Karen (Tweet?). A hilarious and supremely fitting use of crass language. Thank you for all the laughs, wisdom, and hope!

[@davegenther6877]

The bar routine may be his funniest bit. Hysterical.

[@TheMrwipple]

Fun stuff, Jim. Thanks. After watching that, now I'm ready for a fancy beer.

[@galahadgarza6905]

I had to give up smoking (doctor's orders). I also gave up drinking (court ordered).

[@geraldfrost4710]

I have a friend who taught me the heart-attack diet, the diet you follow if you don't want another heart-attack... "If it tastes good, spit it out. If it tastes like monkey crap, chew it well."

[@TeamCat1128]

Good for u!

[@mystdragon8530]

Did this video go from “I don’t drink alcohol” to “I drink the fanciest beer” 🤣😂

[@PatrickWagz]

And, somewhere in the middle... he was drinking wine out of a Yaht-zee shaker? [I'm not judging... just stating a fact] :-)

[@linshanhsiang]

And his male relatives call him "Jimmy," Did you catch that,?

[@waterlove2042]

Bathroom flavored gum and cologne 😂😆😂😆😂😆 I'm dead too dam funny

[@rosemarie6545]

Great laughs to start the day! Thanks, Jim!

[@coffee1207]

You never let me down, just about choked on my salad I'm having for lunch, and I don't have a beer to wash it down with!! Lol

[@mosessmith8953]

You rock dude. Saw your comments to trump, made me respect you even more.

[@alaskaheidi2955]

Somebody at V8 had to be drunk to come up with “Clamato” juice. Bleeeeh!

[@Tommy_Mac]

Must have been a Canadian

[@uberultrametamega946]

@@Tommy_Mac Clamato juice is great! Caesars are great - you American philistines!

[@MsBizzyGurl]

It's those darned Canadians with their 'Ceasars'.

[@geraldfrost4710]

My dad was in the navy; he said "V8 smells like bilge."

[@dickcastle]

I like jim even more now.

[@kurtb1584]

You like him even more and 50% of his audience will not. Not a very good business decision for someone that knows his rant will not change any views.

[@teresahowick5197]

Kurt B nor will yours.

[@deevnn]

Kurt...you’re wrong as usual. Fox infotainment conned you into that 50% comment...you all know that you ‘“cult of trump” scumbags are less than 30% of voters and that’s a high estimate which still amazes me. Too many fools to go around. Wake up to the REAL world you ridiculous fool

[@Squidman91]

Kurt B my uncle is a trump voter, and while it upsets me I don’t like him any less. Allow someone to speak their mind without harassing them about it

[@kurtb1584]

@@Squidman91 Wait a minute. Jim G is the one who is attacking the President. All I said was that 50% of his audience will not like his attacks. He can speak his mind but he should not be surprised when he looses public support.

[@floridamusician9219]

Jim Gaffigan provides the laughs again and again

[@Sean-mclaughlin]

The people who dislike this are the people he's talking about🤣🤣🤣

[@cliffhawn713]

It feupmripyh

[@philliplawson4199]

I don't drink, he's not that funny!

[@jordanaguilar6162]

Freakin love you jim!! Favorite comedian easily!

[@EricW800]

@@weknow.2304 Jim has been one of my favorite comedians for a long time. I know he has to support the dems in order to survive financially, so I can almost appreciate that - got to provide for your family, however, he really should keep it to himself.

[@linshanhsiang]

@@weknow.2304 Get a life troll.

[@riog8082]

Jim is one of the best! Wish he used the woman’s voice more often, very funny 🤣

[@almaalma3871]

This is one of the most funny and realistic bar jokes ever! Well really everything that Mr. Gaffigan makes is...I wish to know how long takes to write a Material like this? It’s perfect I’m laughing so much 👌🏽 😂😂😂❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@robertlangley258]

Very good bar jokes, funny as hell. But true, that makes it even funnier. Excellent video, great comedian.⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[@dawnshilling603]

🤣🤣🤣 omg!! So relatable and hilarious 😂

[@onamission9965]

👍I'm with you Jim, craft ipa all the way! Keep in mind.... breathing these days is worse than drinking.

[@Alice-re9ix]

You're simply THE BEST, Jim!

[@sideshowtink]

"It's only funny because it's true" LOL Beyond hilarious!

[@anthonyorduno9634]

This guy is a part of our culture everybody knows his voice He's one of the funniest guys you'll ever see his cameos are priceless meow

[@karenlaney9829]

98rri8

[@karenlaney9829]

99y6043p4u6

[@karenlaney9829]

9o 94 3 9O😊😊

[@karenlaney9829]

😊7349😅🎉😅😊😊😅99😢🎉🎉

[@karenlaney9829]

59379oo

[@Luke-pk9fe]

It's cool you got John Malkovick to do the intro! 👍

[@benevolentmindvirus]

Jim you are my hero you make me cry for loving Dave Chappelle so much. Thanks for the laughter.

[@PatrickWagz]

2 guys walk into a bar; the 3rd guy ducks.

[@noheader]

My brother bought a flask for me knowing I don't drink. Years latter rooting threw my medicide cabinet he found the flask, confused he opened it finding instead of liquor it contained Lagerfield cologne. He said, why did you do that? I told him, you know I don't drink and I wanted it to go to good use, besides I can't get pulled over for smelling good.

[@AlisMarsaili1351]

I laugh so hard every time I listen to Jim G! I’m in therapy dumping my narcissistic friend. Talk about pain! Instead of feeling my pain to heal I’m watching Jim G! Thanks Jim, I’ll probably never heal because of you! That’s what a narcissist would say!!!

[@scazermazz]

Amen on the local beers! Once in a while you get a good one. Most of the time they're awful.

[@roostercogburn6469]

Hey Jim, just started watching you.... I know, I know, I'm kind of slow!... But, you are without a doubt so stinking funny and the best comedian ever! I'm no prude, yet I so appreciate humor without profanity and porn images! You are a genius! Thank-you! Keep the comedy coming!

[@rexrocker1268]

This is great. And as an ex drinker it shows. When you drink and quit then see your buddies drunk acting an ass, it helps you keep off the stuff. It’s so stupid lol.

[@melaniesmiley3055]

You are so funny. Thank you for the videos it has really help my long days go by!!!

[@geoffhennessy275]

Once again Nikki Glaser mentioned you in her podcast. She is in awe of your flawless delivery. It almost makes her cry. Just thought I'd chime in.

[@jschmidt8996]

Just watched a second time. Lol. Your good JG. Clean and hilarious. Keep it up. 🥰🤪

[@suebrown3465]

What other seafood juices did the bartender have to go through until he picked clam for the Caesar?! Another great video...!!

[@Squidman91]

Paul Fitzsimmons Give Jim a break:( I’m proud of him for speaking his mind

[@shanemontgomery1358]

Paul Fitzsimmons 🤦🏻‍♂️

[@wideawake13dmtpsilocybin6]

"It's only funny because it's true."

[@anovosedlik]

'This is the only thing I like about being alive' ...you hit that point WAY earlier than 40 these days!

[@bethsims4749]

I’m an almost 50 year old woman who loves Budweiser... the scrutiny I receive! Yet on my other palate will enjoy leinenkugal (sp) summer shandy or berry Weiss. Great for the hotter seasons. More refreshing. Lol

[@wayneparke554]

Thank you for sharing.

[@TheBeercase24]

dang Jim your not that old you still got your humor ever since you started doing comedy plus nice job on super troopers

[@enveedub444]

I cracked up at your first joke “if you want to Seymour” I need to stop smoking 🤣

[@rcionco]

"...they're all bad!" Haha. Yes!!! Truth!

[@mikicrespo4812]

I remember coming back down to the states in about 2002 and going to a steak house with my family. I asked the waitress for a Caesar, extra spicy. She paused and said, “ well, its however the chef makes it.” No clue it was a drink. It was then that I knew I was surrounded by savages :-)

[@mikicrespo4812]

@gary York, I’m an American from the Deep South, who spent time in Canada. So save your conjecture. Please go misspell and be miserable elsewhere. This channel deserves better.