Bill Maher: Jewish Jokes #2

[@walterprattjr1089]

Jewish people have a better sense of humor than you think meshuganah

[@richardthelionheart5594]

ALL !!!!! the greatest comedians are Jews

[@zyzzyvacation]

0:56 Bill's having Irish Catholic/Jewish parents explains his lifelong desire to buy whisky at wholesale prices 😩

[@ShiraLaya0312]

I love the clip with Bill’s long hair ~I don’t know how to break this to him but by Jewish law you are Jewish if your mother is a Jew, doesn’t matter that his father was catholic ~ he’s Jewish so welcome to the tribe Bill😁

[@natkam451]

exactly what I wanted to write here! I'm from Poland from a Polish-Jewish family and this rule is commonly known - Jewish origin is inherited from the mother's side. So, since Bill's mother was Jewish, Bill is Jewish, period. He says he thinks the upbringing is superior/main factor in the matter of defining the roots, and he was raised by a Catholic father, but he is still a Jew anyway.

[@herojiro31valmire32]

What if you convert to Judaism? Do people still consider you Jewish; like Trump's daughter. Can you be Jewish and Christian?

[@msstellafay1320]

Shalom Shabbat🇮🇱 🙏✡️

[@GorgeGeorg]

And if your not superstitious? Can you still be a Jew (or Christian or Muslim).

[@Samperor]

He called that bullshit before since its a old roman law that we dont have to follow.

[@jamesjackovich5886]

He's only half Jewish The other half is pepperoni, sausage and mushrooms

[@jefolson6989]

I'm one quarter moisturizing cream.

[@jamesjackovich5886]

@@jefolson6989 dove

[@wesash9722]

If the mother is Jewish the baby is Jewish doesn't matter what the father is according to Jewish law.

[@jamesjackovich5886]

@@wesash9722 I know, sorry it's just a joke, no ones DNA is half pizza

[@sambeach2726]

The Jewish prison got me. Laughing with Bill.

[@jamesjackovich5886]

I heard Sodom and Gomorrah were a real pain in the asz anyway

[@seamusmclaughlin7142]

Often wondered: did Sodom and Gomorrah not have any children...collateral damage I suppose

[@jamesjackovich5886]

@@seamusmclaughlin7142 if you ask Lot over for dinner don't ask him to pass the salt

[@3rwparks3]

I am 72 . And I miss the "old days" with good ethnic humor.

[@spudvicious1261]

Cheers mate I love your compilation videos. Excellent work mate. 😁👍😂🇦🇺

[@jamesjackovich5886]

I'm poor so I love Jewish food, my favorites are two for one and on sale

[@jarbaralhut1810]

I'm partial to the someone else is paying for it myself

[@malamuteaerospace6333]

Self hating Jew being a self hating jew..

[@johngannon494]

I love how individual doesn’t want to listen and keeps interrupting- maybe that’s why he is there

[@jacoborthamen79]

gotta admit that was half funny

[@jamesjackovich5886]

When you try out for belly dancing and they say your overqualified

[@paulsontag9233]

“Would it kill you to sit down?”

[@benjaminhoover6427]

"Would it kill you to shut up?" Hahaa classics

[@richardthelionheart5594]

I didn't get this joke

[@Kamala__Harriis]

I don't get it

[@jamesjackovich5886]

The most unpopular Jewish names this year are Jeffery, Harvey, and Bernie and don't forget Curley

[@stephenbeacham9717]

Why Bernie?

[@jamesjackovich5886]

@@stephenbeacham9717 madoff

[@sudhirpatel7620]

Nature goes on forever for everyone and everything to return as everyone and everything an infinite number of times through evolutionary processes.

[@geirtangen2800]

Påp

[@musicauthority7828]

Being one eighth Jew I got a kick out of this no doubt.

[@natkam451]

@Barbara Nickel Exactly what I wanted to write here! I'm from Poland from a Polish-Jewish family and this rule is commonly known - Jewish origin is inherited from the mother's side. So, since Bill's mother was Jewish, Bill is Jewish, period. He says he thinks the upbringing is superior/main factor in the matter of defining the roots, and he was raised by a Catholic father, but he is still a Jew anyway.

[@sandrabrandt1301]

He has a problem, perhaps he wishes he was 100% Jewish. This is his way of rebellion. I find him Offensive.

[@Bulvan123]

I find you to be sad. He's a funny comic who certainly has the cred to make jewish jokes.

[@BB-po6jv]

@mostlymaherclips thank you for these awesome compilations! Where do you find the clips from the older Real Time shows?

[@mostlybillmaherclips1933]

They were all available on the HBO website at some point, and I got them back then. Unfortunately, I didn't get most of the old ones. Now, they only keep the ones from recent years.

[@BB-po6jv]

@@mostlybillmaherclips1933 That’s so sad they’re no longer on the HBO website, or even for sale. I’d be willing to pay for old Real Time episodes. Please keep up the great work of posting awesome Bill clips. Thank you!

[@bigmonmagoomba9634]

Bill is half Jewish. Most of it in his nose.

[@shalevedna]

Funny! As an Israeli and Hew I have to note that we are the ONLY religious/ethnic group that can laugh at ourselves. Wr do not take ourselves as stupidly seriously as others. BTW, people are ignorant about the chosen bit. We SRE the chosen because we were the FIRST to be given a purely monotheistic religion as a way for a more human-centered life, rather than a life centered in a myriad of stone and wood idols. No one seems to understand this fact. The Christians were supposed to be a continuation, but they screwed up and returned to paganism. The Muslims are just confused.

[@terrythomas8486]

If we're God's chosen people, please Lord, choose someone else next time.

[@dansentinelese4199]

Actually Zoroastrians are the first monotheistic faith.

[@allisonroberts1379]

How & why would Jesus, a Jewish man start a new religion? That always confounds me. Why do Christians believe Jesus rejected Judaism? 🤔

[@Hirnlego999]

You're all confused, especially women who believe in these things. Voted one of the top jokes btw: "Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!" Northern Conservative, Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over." Emo Phillips

[@direwolf6234]

@@allisonroberts1379 it was a marketing ruse....

[@jamesjackovich5886]

Sorry I'm hard of schmearing said the day old begal

[@rosemacaskie]

WHy not make a list of all the nice moral and kind films and storeys that were written by jewish writers . I bet they areresponsible for an awful lot of the kinder works written. How many write all those childrens programs or christmess films of clean living people. MOstly if you want to whatch the psychologically interesting or king works you need to watch childrens programs, adult ones are endlessly frivolous. . Why do we never look for the good Jews amoung us. Talk of the many jewish doctors? They become doctors because they believe that he who saves a life saves the world.

[@litaperna1128]

wonderful

[@benjaminhoover6427]

Everyone loves Martin Short

[@bettym.3996]

Bush came to Denver a lot. The streets were blocked off downtown.

[@andrewhobbins1915]

Does Jewish American Princess synonymous with Jewish American prince?Yeah

[@jamesjackovich5886]

I don't know about the jewish religion, but I love those Hebrew National hotdogs

[@heydeanie]

Ooh they are soooooo good!

[@jamesjackovich5886]

@@heydeanie we answer to a higher authority

[@aaronw8781]

Those are some pretty tasty hotdogs.

[@josegarrido7021]

Laughed my ass off!!!!!!!

[@benjaminhoover6427]

The Hebrew people are known to be fond of pranks;)

[@ladyvincenza]

Yeah, I can relate to this pretty hard.

[@tb9489]

Unleavened-worth, god damn that’s funny

[@Piana28]

I see that Bill got some hair plugs during the Pandemic.

[@AE-yt4lx]

I didn't get the part about the bending at the knees and the dressing on the side.

[@mattberger8348]

He's playing off the stereotype of middle aged, white collared jewish men- not exactly hardened criminals. Normally, dropping the soap and tossing the salad would have sexual innuendos (in prison). But for these inmates, if you drop the soap, they would be more concerned that you don't throw out your back while bending over to pick it up. And the phrase "tossing the salad" would also refer to literally tossing a slad in order to eat it.

[@johnmartin4650]

Best humor…….thank you Mr M

[@Nathan-hs2ut]

banger

[@Nana18868]

Bill. According to Jewish Law (Halacha), you ARE Jewish. Children of Jewish mothers are Jewish. If you look at OUR history it makes sense. There have been terrible periods where we were conquered and women were raped, abducted and abused. While one could always tell who the mother was, the father could often not be identified. So OUR lineage goes by the mother. Sorry Bill and welcome to the tribe. So yes, you can tell all the Jewish Jokes you want.

[@gregh5061]

3:42 this is literally half the season of curb your enthusiasm

[@tb9489]

Ha! Yes

[@craffte]

Bend at the knees😂😂

[@SAJe_53]

Half Jewish. Does that mean that he believes half of what the Old Testament says or that he half-believes all of it?

[@SAJe_53]

@@gracebyrne8020 I've been watching Bill for decades, so I know what he professes his beliefs to be in that regard. My question was what the hell "half Jewish" means.

[@SAJe_53]

@@gracebyrne8020 Not trying to be clever. Just trying to figure out what the hell people mean by half Jewish. With any religious belief. You either believe it or you don't. There is no half Jewish or half Christian

[@HaleyMary]

I think he means he's half Ashkenazi. If someone has one Jewish parent, they're half. If someone has a Jewish grandparent, they're a quarter, sometimes a little over a quarter depending on how much Ashkenazi dna you inherit. You can have a Jewish mother/grandmother, not be religious, still be part of the tribe. You can have a Jewish father/grandfather, be religious, not be religious, still be part of the tribe.

[@rosemacaskie]

who doe snot like money the christians certainly like it as much as anyone. SOme topics can be used to blacken anyone. We suddenly forget that we like money and are also wiley, if we talk of jewish merchants.

[@pjgamjones8189]

The BEST!

[@mariaguinsburg5092]

Bill is Kosher Jew his mom is Jewish, pointer! He has to except it :)))

[@akashs8819]

Taliban has the potential to turn Afghanistan into a technological superpower. you underestimate Afghanistan too much. it could have been better than europe.

[@ncorp2668]

You are PRO Taliban? What!?

[@jackm7571]

Bill, as you know, according to the Jewish faith, you are Jewish from your mother

[@GorgeGeorg]

He doesn't believe in the Jewish faith (or any faith), therefore he isn't Jewish (or Christian).

[@jackm7571]

Maybe not believing in Christianity makes you not a Christian according to the Christian belief, but according to the Jewish belief a person is Jewish if there mother is, regardless of their belief. (What you think doesn’t change the reality, kinda like what your gender is :)

[@GorgeGeorg]

@@jackm7571 It's a belief - therefore it's 100% Totally dependent on the person, not what others think.

[@jackm7571]

Actually for some people religion isn’t just a belief in your brain, it’s a reality. For an Atheist religion is like a stupid conspiracy theory. Not for a religious jew.

[@GorgeGeorg]

@@jackm7571 But again, that is something that is pertinent only in a 'personnel' manner. IE to one person at a time. Thus it again comes down to what one thinks of themselves.

[@freedomwarrior6632]

Young God

[@RobbieBoy33]

Just ain't funny, go and get a job.

[@craffte]

Ok $120 million dollars worth of not so funny, then.

[@johnasap777]

🤭😆😂🤣

[@pogolas]

So Jews are not a nation, but a religion? It doesn’t sound right. If you have a Jew mother, you are half Jew at least (depending on how you feel).

[@turtleflegel6816]

You are correct. Jewish is considered a religion not a nationality or ethnicity but that's ridiculous. Get to know any jewish guy on this planet even a little bit and tell me he's anything like any white guy you've ever met. Spoiler, he isn't.

[@thomasbaader6629]

@@turtleflegel6816 British anti-discrimination laws list Jews as a ethno-religious group.

[@turtleflegel6816]

@@thomasbaader6629 interesting, tx, good to know

[@ncorp2668]

@@turtleflegel6816 Most Western Jews are considered white. Each ethnicity and culture has its own roots...but considered racially white, not unlike Armenians, Italians, etc.

[@turtleflegel6816]

@@ncorp2668 Ask any Jew anywhere what they think of the idea that Jesus Christ is the son of God, and you'll find out just exactly how white they are.

[@dugyhoiser]

Hilarious!

[@VictoriaAlfredSmythe]

Vote Matt Gaetz & Donald Junior !!!! MaQa2022

[@FakingANerve]

Read the room, maybe? 😬🙄

[@kingkongkahn8328]

Free Palestine 🇵🇸

[@rosemacaskie]

Why bill so kind to some down trodden communities and so bad to Jews ? Was your sweet seeming mother really a witch? Why are you so ignorant about her people?

[@craffte]

He's hard on everyone.

[@mildredmoreno4645]

His a comedian I grew up in a Jewish community

[@ncorp2668]

He's joking, just like he does about everyone else.

[@54tristin]

I used to think he was funny

[@1indarkness]

So my son asked me fore 15 dollahs. I said I don't have 15 dollahs. What do you need 10 dollahs fore? I don't haave 5 dollahs A jews favorite kind of car is one that can stop on a dime. The best way to pick up a Jewish girl is in a dust pan

[@drianarvaez1343]

Bill is too amused with himself, he's not very funny.

[@M.Đ-z4u]

he is funny

[@natkam451]

he is very funny, maybe you are not funny, this is why for you bill is not funny;