Bipolar Disorder & Hospitalizations... (what they don't tell you)

Today Kati interviews Gabe Howard! He is a mental health advocate, speaker, and host of the inside bipolar podcast. They discuss bipolar disorder, being hospitalized for our mental illness, and the symptoms of bipolar disorder no one wants to talk about. They have an honest conversation about treatment options, managing symptoms, and breaking down that mental health stigma.
AUDIENCE QUESTIONS
1. Hello, I have bipolar 2 and was wondering if he ever felt like he had a "breakthrough" in his bipolar disorder. Not necessarily a manic episode, but a true moment of "oh....I CAN live life like this and it CAN be enjoyable". I recently had this and it's been life changing for me. I look at every day I'm alive so differently now.
2. Hi Gabe, have you gone into the hospital voluntarily or not? Are you allowed to leave when you want or do the doctors get to decide how long to keep you? Has being in the hospital been helpful or has it been more helpful to stay outpatient?
Checkout Kati on Gabe's Podcast: megaphone.link/RVOHE7584755428
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ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist, please visit: betterhelp.com/kati
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/ @katimorton
PATREON www.katimorton.com/kati-morto...
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PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

[@Keepitkind7]

My hospitalization for bipolar I was traumatic-a 4 day hold. (39 yr old female) It was a small hospital in San Luis Obispo, CA. Was given no change of clothes for 4 days, put in a room with not enough chairs for us all, so I sat on a dusty tile floor with angry drunk men vomiting around us, slept on a thin plastic cot in a dank room where violent patients could freely enter...and did, our outside time was thirty of us crammed in a dugout-cage where I prevented a teen from eating lit cigarettes. I saw a doctor for 5 min. I called my mother and she said, "You made your bed, now lie in it." I did the 'voluntary' sign in too. It was horrid. If I need care, duct tape me to a chair...it would be less traumatic. It may have kept me safe from myself, but not from the other patients. Those of us who were more composed had to help the really troubled ones because the staff were watching a football game in the back room. One patient jumped the nurses desk and tried to strangle a nurse. We had to hide. When I got out, my family wouldn't mention it. They were ashamed...I was more ashamed. Years later, I take good care of my health, my husband and children and speak out against the stigma to groups of first responders. My family has come around, but the memories are quite sad.

[@shortlifeadvice]

I loved when he talked about how he and his parents tried to pinpoint when his symptoms started. Me, my parents still believe there is nothing wrong with me and I'm just pathetic and lazy. I'm 51. I may be poor and barely hanging on to life, but I refuse to believe I'm lazy. I'm sick.

[@CurlyGirlAngelaG]

This video was so helpful. I have bipolar and had been ok for 18 months. Currently working through the depression after the mania in which I have made risky choices including the hyper sexuality which is really embarrassing. I was honest for the first time with my dr today about this. It was hard but I’m glad I was honest. Looking back, I definitely should have realized it but now I know it’s a sign for me & those close to me do as well

[@Katimorton]

I am so glad this was helpful and I am incredibly proud of you for speaking up and being honest!! By being honest with our treatment team we give them the best opportunity to help us :) xoxo

[@lolatJESS]

I just got out of the hospital for my bipolar depression today. Interestingly, this video came out at the same time. I needed this video, and it was validating. It was my second hospitalization in 7 years. The first time was terrible because they tried to diagnose me with stuff I didn't have - and even left me super trauamtized (stuff I still need to work through). While it was a nightmare, it did at least get the ball rolling to get properly diagnosed. Knowing I've been bipolar for about 6 years now and not being medicated - it was great for me. I was somewhat even for years. This last year has been stressful, and life stuff messed up this even streak. I ignored my depression as 'burnout' for a month. Until I crashed and burned a week ago. I voluntarily took myself to the hospital after self-harming and not feeling in control. It was my inkling that it was a mixed episode - super depressed but still ready to get stuff done. For the first time, I found a decent hospital and have finally caved about medication. And for the first time, the "fog" has lifted. It gave me time to get more serious about my bipolar and take medication. It's a hard reality to accept. Thanks for this video.

[@janetslater129]

Thanks for sharing your experience. I also voluntarily (but almost involuntarily) went to a local mental health hospital here back in 2020 for suicidality, shortly after my dad's sudden death. I had been questioning with my therapist at the time if I was needing higher level care as my anxiety and depression (I have PTSD) were escalating. I had about reached a breaking point, where I felt like I was going to be losing control, and my therapist basically said, "Either check yourself in, or we'll have the police contacted for a safety check." I felt like I got backed into a corner, but I went. It was so hard knowing that I was going to mental health hospital and checking myself in, but it was what I had to do in order to stay safe and get better.

[@TerrariaGolem]

​@janetslater129 I went in 2022, was diagnosed with "bipolar 1 with psychotic features". It was my second time going and it was after quitting my meds again. I finally found compassionate doctors after that visit, have had them for over a year now, and they also diagnosed me with CPTSD and DID. I'm surprised, as a child I only knew I had ADHD, and my mom hid my Autism from me. Life's been a journey of self discovery

[@chymesable]

This is a great pod cast. I'm bipolar 2 and you break down alot of stuff that we ask and are given in IOP. Ive been hospitalized alot. My therapist has had to make that Choice for me. I know what voluntary and involuntary feels like and what insurance and no insurance treatment can be like. You hit all the points. Thank you for this its gonna help alot of ppl whove watched or listened

[@stacib1992]

My mom couldn't be admitted to my local hospital because she wasn't suicidal or homicidal but she had such intense anxiety that she would throw up every morning within an hour of waking up. We were finally able to get her admitted to a st louis hospital whenever she was on 6 different planes in 3 days and couldn't even tell us which airport she was at and she was detained in an airport until we got a plan for me to pick her up at the other airport gate then take her for an evaluation. They finally kept her but no diagnoses except anxiety and depression (made me disappointed tbh). She called me begging to get her out almost every night she was there. It broke my heart but she needed to be there for that time. I've also had to stay inpatient at mental hospital (3 days) and eating disorder clinics (twice) and addiction rehab (once). I hated every time but I needed them.

[@tatumelisha]

The fact that you literally uploaded this during the time of my life in which I’m trying to hospitalize my bipolar father…and I’m in rural Utah like you mentioned 😳🙈 edit: my comment got a heart but I decided to edit out a grammatical error and the heart disappeared:(

[@sandyfika2201]

Love these vids! I just have one comment .... Gabe said he "was" bipolar. I've learned that our mental illness is something we *have* not something we *are*. We have the issue, it isn't us.

[@AmethystWoman]

Thank you so much for this video. First thanks Gabe for the thing about "oh you're so much more than bipolar." Oh shut up. I know that! But its ok to like that I have a label. And its ok if I use it as a shortcut to my symptoms. I could go on about that alone. But this video helped me look at what us going on right now, I'm hypomanic. My therapist is away and I'm waiting for people to say oh it's because your therapist is way. NO. I have threw the roof anxiety and then distressed that's what I've been saying for a week or more. What I'm feeling is made worse because my therapist is way and there's nobody for me to check in with. But then you've made me look at oh, right, it's been a week and a half since I've slept more than 3 hours a night. This isn't just anxiety and I've known that but I can't explain it. I'm 69 and I work from home and I even have friends who are bipolar but want me to work on their website and when I say I'm not up to it then I'm just being a PIA. I can't say no I don't feel good. I think I just blew a really good design job because I don't feel good - but I can't say because I'm hypomanic. Nobody wants to work with the designer who can't do the work because we have bipolar. Well what if I had covid that would be okay if I couldn't do the job cuz I had covid right? I have this anxiety in my chest that's always there I can't eat I can't sleep but I don't know how to tell people I don't feel good and my therapist is on vacation and she's the only one who would understand what I'm saying. And she has coverage well she's away which is very unusual but I can't trust that she won't hospitalize me. Though these days you really can't even get a bed unless you're on the edge of killing yourself almost dead. So I give my credit cards to a friend to hold, and I lose that job which is going to be a couple thousand dollars a month mostly which would be really helpful since I'm on retirement. But I don't have covid I'm a hypomanic, I wish I could make up that I've got covid. Maybe I could say my TSH is out of whack and that would be acceptable and not ruin me out as a good employee. My TSH being out of whack could make me high but that doesn't make me impossible to work with forever. Bipolar does. I was put on Lamictal about 10 years ago and ever since then I've had normal up and downs but I've been mostly pretty good. It's not going to difficult part of my life. Like no extremes. No mania or can't get out of bed. But I knew enough to choose to watch this this morning and once again I've had 3 hours sleep. In the anxiety, this squirrel in my chest scratching to get out. Even yesterday I decided I would take a Risperdal. I hate it and might have mild TD and my doctor's and I decided that I would not take his anti-psychotic ever again. But something's wrong! But now I think if I Ring the Alarm it's going to be "oh well your therapist is away." how about no you increase my Lamictal 3 weeks ago and I've been saying since then that it feels so good to be happy that I'm not depressed and it feels so good. And I've watched myself get oh my God life is hard I'm stressed but I'm so happy I'm so happy. And everybody has seen that as a good thing including myself. But then for a week I've not slept more than 3 hours a day and I can't eat. I'm dieting so not wanting to eat as a good thing! No you guys I'm hypomanic and things are going to keep getting worse until I ask for help. My therapist does not have eyes on me nobody does and like you guys kind of saying we don't really know when we're a little off the wall because we're a little off the wall. And I'm going to control myself and stop now because I could probably do this forever but I need to call somebody and I thank you very much for helping me see I need to call somebody. Hospitals are the perfectly horrible worst place for me. I was raped there by a co-patient and staff didn't care. I have DID and nobody understands what it is and it's just one of those wacko diagnoses that I've given myself but it's not. I've actually been diagnosed and I'm in therapy being treated for DID. But you guys increase my Lamictal and I've been getting happier and happier. And I hate that when you bipolar and you're sad it's Diagnostic and when you're happy it's diagnostic... But sometimes it is. You guys have helped me see that I'm not happily happy. I'm dangerously unhappy at this point. My eye feel good has gone into this feeling of generalized anxiety and "I'm anxious because my therapist is away." well no. I think I'm hypomanic. But of course nobody will listen to me but I also can't risk telling anybody because this stranger covering for my therapist might admit me. And with that kind of history that leads somebody to be diagnosed with DID, inpatient is the worst place in the world for me. It's that true rock and a hard place. Help me but let me control how you help me. Eek thank you. It's Sunday but I'll call somebody today. Because I don't feel good. No I can't work on your website today and it's not because I'm being a PIA I don't feel good. Maybe I should tell my friend who's mad that I won't work on her website today that I have covid because that would be acceptable. And she has bipolar you would think that she would understand. But I've also just been saying I don't feel good and today I can say oh my God I'm hypomanic. Thanks.

[@brookdenson2230]

Bipolar type 1, when I’m manic I have absolutely no control with what I’m doing I become someone I don’t even know. I become completely destructive and absolutely don’t care about any of the consequences or anyone else at all when on those benders but when it’s over I hit my lowest and ask myself who I even was because I would never dare make those decisions in the right mind. Then the guilt hits and you just yourself more than anyone ever could.

[@janetslater129]

I want to add that here in Illinois, if you are in a mental hopsital, and they staff are talking about releasing you, and you don't feel safe yet to get out, you can tell them that you don't feel ready. I had this happen when I was inpatient (voluntary). I had caught wind that the staff were talking about moving me down to the other adult unit (where people would go before being discharged), and I had only been there for about 3 days at that point. I knew I wasn't anywhere near ready to leave, so I spoke up, and said that I wasn't ready. I ended up staying there for three weeks before I felt somewhat more on even footing to be discharged.

[@kat93]

What an amazing episode! Usually I prefer the regular one, but this was so fun, interesting and educational!

[@MystearicaClaws]

I catastrophize so much so thank you for pointinf that out. I needed the reminder.

[@lisastella458]

Thanks for info, it really resonated with me, I'm going on for 2 years since my hospital stay where a after lot of back and forth I was dignosed Bipolar . Thanks for all you do

[@ClandestineGirl16X]

Kati this was fantastic! Thank you both

[@Erikalikesunicorns]

I work as a social worker in a psychiatric ward in Canada. I’m noting the differences between involuntary status in the US and learning about how mental health institutions are “losers”.. it’s so unreal! What I do with my practice is tell my clients, “we want you to get well, and hopefully prevent you from coming back. So let’s figure this out now”.

[@cindymdreams7757]

A family member had to be hospitalized 3x so far. He definitely was a danger to himself and an extreme danger to others. Once ran away at 30 below zero in middle of night and once (that we know of) speeding on the highway with no lights on and stopping sideways on the highway in the dark (no street lights)

[@melissalerm3307]

This was so helpful, thx guys

[@j0.ZEF-Who]

Firstly Gabe your #1 and thanks. Katie ehh you know me looking good - liked the take meds or don't talk - i have depression among other issues but it doesn't mean taking meds is best for me its just strange and makes me worry or feel less in control - personally i think i need to see myself get thru the struggle on the daylio - the effort i must put in is what makes my waddle worth it until the very next day Waddle waddle

[@cruelangelik]

That was eye opening i loved this episode 👏👏✨💚

[@joshuaspruce9209]

I didn't get diagnosed till I was 46 and still didn't understand anything. I just reached out for help and like Gabe my therapist had no problem with diagnosis but does think BPD could be an issue as well. I've only had one visit so it's just beginning for me.

[@cindymdreams7757]

Also, why isn’t there more education around the vitamins and minerals and behaviors needed to actually get sleep? Many times in my life I dealt with little sleep, which would build to burnout, exhaustions and depression. I had to do tons of research on this myself

[@poohbear0320]

What is the conference you mentioned at the begining of the video? Can you please post a link to the site for the conference you mentioned?

[@Katimorton]

It's called the HealtheVoices conference :) xoox

[@jennajeffries6872]

My bipolar type 2 didn’t get diagnosed for years because in high school I was told it’s just hormones

[@cindymdreams7757]

I wasn’t clear, are you saying that everyone who has depression, has bipolar?

[@ahmedhemida398]

Question not related to this video I have been diagnosed with mixed personality disorder, what does this mean?

[@Ross_Embossed]

Never heard of that.. maybe generalized anxiety? I'm not a pro

[@repentnow8823]

If someone had mania after not sleeping for a week due to a mineral deficiency causing muscle spasms, would that indicate bipolar disorder?

[@repentnow8823]

Also add organized crime threats occuring weekly to the causes of the insomnia.

[@evaeggen7825]

I would not take you on medication for the rest of your life that would make you drowsy, overweight, if you are right about what you told me, if I where your doctor. You needed to sleep, get those minerals you needed, and sort out those criminals with the protection of the police, I guess instead .?

[@skblack5050]

How do/can you council atheists?