BLACK WOMEN EXPAND YOUR DATING OPTIONS | MY EXPERIENCE DEALING WITH COLORISM

[@smithaquarius1]

For the past 4 years, I’ve ONLY dated out/interracially... that’s all I’m interested in. It’s been beautiful

[@q.t.gamingfamily]

It's the only way to get BM to compete like MEN. If they want to be the chosen option, they have to level themselves up.

[@q.t.gamingfamily]

@@michaelsmith-ws2mb I know you believe that. I haven't divested. Divesting works for this sister and I support her decision. You're the guy that many of us eliminated and you're emotional about it. You could get a female, no one said otherwise she won't be what your actually want but if you're willing to settle, there's a man and woman for everyone. My standards are set for ALL people. My biggest is you must be a bio man who identifies as a hetero happy in his skin man. There are ppl who don't meet that standard. He must be within a certain age group, he has to be educated and self sufficient. I can afford to provide for him if something happened to him. He must be able to do the same in case something happens to me. I can't list ALL my standards here but, Sweetheart, if a bm passes those standards (and all the others), I'd gladly say yes to him but I do recognize the reality that he just might not be blk. Divestors only date wm. The only way you'll actually compete if there is someone who is vying for a woman you're vying for. If you're ok with whatever, I'm good with that. It doesn't affect me lol.

[@D13vest]

Not married yet? So you are simply increased xesual partners with no commitment?

[@cherrellefranco6148]

Same. It has been a great experience so far. I will never go back to black after experiencing the difference in treatment.

[@TomikaKelly]

I LOVE this for you sis. 🤎

[@cherishdeb]

After being 32 years old, within the last 1-2 years my eyes have opened to colorism. Men usually tell me they love dark skinned women as soon as they meet me. All my life I met men who said they preferred me. I didnt grow up with colorist trauma or a colorist family. So I always believed that just like light skins were preferred by some men, so are dark skins. That was my experience. But now that I'm older I'm seeing who gets MARRIED vs. who doesn't. And the lightskin is seen as a trophy, no matter how mediocre she looks. It's crazy.

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

I appreciate you sharing your experience because everyone is different. I’ll be 29 this month and I wasn’t fully aware until my mid 20’s how colorism was deeply affecting black womens lives. That’s why when it comes to dating I always encourage black women to not limit themselves to dating in the race. If you do, the chances are slim for marriage and having a family. Not impossible, but very slim.

[@sandrawright3988]

The opposite has been my experience. I have 2 sisters that are darker skinned and they're beautiful and have always had men approaching them but me on the other hand being lighter skinned it seems like I'm invisible at times so I have definitely experienced colorism as a light skinned woman.

[@susiebear3316]

The "light skins" get dogged and abandoned as single mothers just the same as "dark skins" by bm. They just get chosen 1st to get trashed. Nbm don't make trivial comparisons. Bm like to play mind games and manipulate w. It's funny when bw think that they treat any other w differently. Because they don't.

[@lya7346]

@@sandrawright3988 you bring up a good point that people don't really discuss: sometimes being light skinned isn't enough. If you think about all the light skinned famous women or wives of famous BM you will notice patterns. They're either skinny, slim or slim thick with an emphasis on the "slim." They're not that tall, their hair isn't too curly and they have small, "European" features. If your sisters are DSBW with beautiful faces and slim bodies and you don't check the light skinned girl boxes I just mentioned then you will get overlooked. It depends on how much value men attribute to skin color versus hair texture and weight and features and height and style.

[@dreamcraftersanonymous]

@@susiebear3316 whew!!! This was a word right! This is why being “preferred” is not always a win, especially considering the individuals pursuing them. Men (all men) hyper focused on skin complexion are very low vibrational and insecure. It’s actually a blessing for DS BW not to be preferred by these individuals.

[@f.g.4904]

Great video! One of the issues you mentioned (men saying they want you to be "natural" after they've got you when they first approached you with straight hair and/or makeup) is called mate guarding. Men try to convince you to do this so that fewer men will approach you in the future and they have less competition.

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

This is my first time hearing the term mate guarding, but I’ve definitely seen this with couples.

[@indigoGoddess7]

Thank you for sharing this term. I have witnessed it, but didnt know something like this existed. I also think it’s a way for a guy to disregard any forms of growth and wants her to remain stagnant. If the woman does feel and or see stagnancy of any kind - he’ll quickly say: “But, this is how you met me and this is how I am”.

[@carrington2949]

@@chosen1992 You are a huge red flag with a fragile ego. Guys like you should take a break and get therapy before you re-enter the dating scene. You have low emotional intelligence and sound easily triggered. Maybe look into marshal arts training and meditation to handle your emotions. A woman should always maintain her looks. My dad always said he was glad that my mom treated everyday like it was the first time they met. It has nothing to do with her looking for another man. That is you trying to control other people. I am sorry but you probably never saw a healthy marriage between a man and a woman demonstrated in your childhood. Your weakness will crush your partners spirit if they continue to engage with you. PLEASE GET SOME THERAPY.

[@alicia2931]

My ex husband did this

[@danteerskine7678]

@@ShakaylaMeTwan I'm not into darkies anyway as they complain too much for not being picked, if you look like shiit blame your momma, not me🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭😭

[@latonyawalker3411]

As a black women I am definitely open to dating outside my race. I want someone who is going to love me and treat me with respect. It doesn't matter what color they are.. Dating as as older black women is hard.

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

Yes. Getting to know men from all backgrounds exposes you to a new culture and a new way of doing things. It’s eye opening.

[@ranitagadling4312]

@LaTonya Walker you're right dating is definitely much harder when you're much older and it's also freaking impossible when you have both mental ( comprehension) & physical ( walk using crutches) disabilities like I do.

[@hymnodyhands]

@@Greatdebate112 It is not necessary for ALL MEN to want older women. Stats show most people marry in their own decade -- key term: MARRY, all the way into their 60s and 70s. In the U.S., marriage is MONOGAMOUS, meaning, a woman wanting marriage doesn't need MEN. She needs one man. Total pool for her to choose from: nearly four billion. WM also become more attracted at later ages because BW age better than WW... but AM and LM also pay attention. Key term: MARRY. A woman doesn't need all men. She needs ONE.

[@amymhchan1584]

I always found that guys who don't have a preference are the nicest. They are just looking mostly for the heart, soul and brains. As soon as a male starts describing how they want a woman to _look_ I start running in the opposite direction. It's actually a sign of low vibrational a hole. And yes ladies, there are men out there looking for specifically non physical attributes, and if you're beautiful too he will love you.

[@BriBri256]

i met my husband (WM) 8 yrs. ago married going on 6 yrs. when i tell u it’s been soooo peaceful, omg 🤣 no drama no other females disliking me b/c of a guy no baby mama drama, like i’m so at peace with my man 😍😍

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

I’m so happy for you. I love seeing us be loved and taken care of properly. We flourish with the right person.

[@BriBri256]

@@jeffcoleman1006 is your dad at peace with your mom tho??? 🤔

[@BriBri256]

@@jeffcoleman1006 purposed or proposed??? 🤔 you’re not worth a conversation nor my intellect,,,,,dismiss yourself ✌🏾😎

[@ieshaanderson1317]

I'm happy for you! This is how a marriage supposed to be. Coincidentally, I just thanked my husband for not intentionally putting us through drama. He's a BM by the way. It's sad in a sense I felt like I had to compliment him on that. I did it because before him, it was damn near impossible to find a BM, not full of drama. I kept getting the same BS. I know you can relate- the lies, cheating, disappearing acts, etc., Etc.,. I got tired of the same BS. I love my husband! This marriage is so peaceful! I love it!

[@SWiseman]

The whole hair obsession with black men boggles my mind. I agree, BWomen should do as they choose and learn to not care what men who aren't their husband think. As for me, I rock my natural 4c big ass afro most of the time because I love it and love rebelling against the status quo. But I also enjoy wigs, braids, and weaves. I've been fortunate to have men in my life who love my hair but then again they're all over the age of 40. Peace

[@besugarb4655]

THIS: I rock my natural 4c big ass afro most of the time because I love it and love rebelling against the status quo. I know right :D

[@jacksonsvineyard5324]

Ladies def date outside your race. Just vet them & be patient so you make sure they’re not covertly racist, but it’s a dope experience. Other men are waiting for us to stop being so loyal to bm & date them. They want marriage & connection. For myself, it’s been a healthier dating experience…

[@southernbellnc6241]

I don’t even know where to go to connect and meet outside my race. I love tech, sporting events, business, investing, I love to have a nice drink.

[@southernbellnc6241]

@@contrarianthinker well maybe I do

[@hymnodyhands]

@@southernbellnc6241 KZbinrs Mocha Mommy and Amanda Awakens would tell you that you DO KNOW... nice list you have there...

[@DolceVita]

I am looking at your skin and wondering why anyone would not see the beauty in it... just gorgeous

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

You’re so sweet. Your comment just made my day. Thanks! ❤️😊

[@Glad2BGolden]

It has taken BW a long time to get here. I feel like BW are playing catch up because WW, AW, and HW have been interracial dating with very little effort. It’s not a thought. Just get out there, show up and socialize.

[@welmontinayalartai]

I enjoyed listening to all you had to say. I find myself attracted to all men as well, regardless of ethnicity, I’m grateful I don’t limit myself. I wish the narrative of black women being opened to dating men of other ethnicities were pushed more than the latter.

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

I encourage all the single women in my life to not put limitations on love. There’s so many intelligent and attractive men out there. I think the more black women see different types of relationships the more they will become the norm.

[@welmontinayalartai]

@@ShakaylaMeTwan I agree. We all, black women and non-black men, just have to stop overthinking it.

[@Essetheartist]

Check out Tonya TKO and Cynthia G❤

[@nhvkuy4675]

You might not wanna hear it from WW but you are absolutely gorgeous and so smart!!! I'm so glad to see more and more BW on KZbin. I wonder why I didn't before. I was surprised to find out that BW are more progressive than WW and yet I rarely see their content recommended to me unless I specifically look for the content by BW. Seriously, KZbin being r*cist is a disservice to humanity. Black women hang in there, the humanity will some day understand what's good for it and will come to appreciate you more. But, you don't owe anything to anyone just take care of yourself, do what needs to be done for your own sake to live a good life and keep being you

[@tiffanyraykrueger8621]

😻😻😻

[@TruthbTold777]

Thank you for encouraging my sisters. Race is irrelevant when one is being genuine. ❤️

[@TheFearlessBabe]

Most likely most WW are looking for WW so KZbin is following peoples lead. I’m glad you realized what’s happening because the algorithms on social media need to change.

[@tropicalstormxox9444]

I experienced the exact sane thing with a BM, i left immediately. Lol. We have to face racism even within our own communities

[@ms.rivera7898]

I have definitely dealt with colorism in my family. I am dark-skinned where as most of my cousins are light-skinned. Also my aunts as well as my mom are all light-skinned. I’ve seen and felt the effects of colorism all my life. I will never forget the day (when I was in college) when my mom saw a photo of a dark-skinned Haitian guy I was dating. She said something along the lines of “Do you want your children to be very dark?” She said it as an insult. I have lived abroad and am open to dating men of all races. I no longer desire to date ANY American man after seeing how well women are treated in various countries by their men. I am also not interested in dating black men anymore. Too much trauma, drama, and mess. Time to date out!

[@Heat_Rush]

You should've told her that black is beautiful.

[@jacquelineellis7136]

White men love natural hair on us

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

Yes they do. I love it!

[@missqjulie]

Girl you're gorgeous! I married white, just move on fast! Glad you got it. I got it in grade school. Gotta move it move it. Too many choices and they are playing for keeps💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽

[@sophiaelayne9984]

"I got in in grade school" Same! Not trying to be rude but what took them so long?! These men have been dusty for a while.

[@missqjulie]

@@sophiaelayne9984 exactly.😂

[@molaykollie7771]

Well my experience with a colorist black men. when I was 16 years old I came across a darkskin blackmen and he said sorry I don't date anyone who darker them my skin color. Dud I'm lighter then you (I'm brownskin black women) I didn't understand that, I ask my friend she like sis not the colorist comment. I open up my option I like Asian, Korean chine n Blasian , white(but The spicy) Hispancic/ Latino, and Arabic men guys.

[@waldoswife.4485]

Oh my gosh you’re gorgeous! 😳🥰

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

Thank you! ☺️☺️

[@shathegem]

I’ve have been through these same type of experiences..it’s like they’re feminine, colorist, manipulative, or unfaithful..not necessary in my life at all

[@GoogleUser-wy2vv]

You are breathtaking.

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

Thank you!

[@PoppaBear760]

Agreed. ☺️

[@desilove6530]

This is so diSappointing to me. I’m a brown skin woman and thankfully I haven’t encountered the colorist statements in the men that I’ve dated. But I do see that more of us are divesting.

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

I’m glad you haven’t experienced it. No matter who we choose to date/marry the important thing is to be with someone who truly respects you and loves you for you. 😊

[@desilove6530]

@@ShakaylaMeTwan yes I agree🙏🏾by the way your beautuful

[@JasmineSlater.]

1. You are STUNNING! 2. I appreciate your transparency and authenticity with this topic, especially since it is almost taboo for us to even consider dating outside of our race when seriously it is pretty normal to me. I just feel we’ve been socially conditioned to date “inside”. 3. You’ve encouraged me to not just date outside to go against the grain, but to truly dig deeper into a man’s character, integrity, respect, morals, and values- especially how he treats people that look differently than him. I journal a lot about my future hubby and his characteristics, and none of them have a color, race, or culture attached. Thanks for this, please keep making content! ❤️❤️❤️

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

Thanks so much! I love that you write down what you want in your husband. Writing things down is a great way to bring things to life.

[@phalynwilliams4119]

Thank you for your honesty. I can tell that you are still healing from some of your experiences. I hope that you find love, peace and happiness. You deserve it.

[@lovebeingme7122]

So bizarre…..why would a BM think your hair is naturally straight. 🤔

[@dontme4132]

A lot of black men only like type 3B natural hair and upwards. Type 4C hair (which is what the majority of black women have) is not what they like, at all.

[@ThePltsweet]

That's hilarious since idiots like that don't even see that they have the same kind of hair. SMH 🤦🏾‍♀🤦🏾‍♀

[@fnagirl2338]

I agreed with this video so much. I am African American so many men I have dated or encountered have asked me why not wear your natural hair ------- My hair is me I style it to fit myself

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

Yes it’s like I don’t style my hair with men in mind. I do what I like.

[@rarab22]

That's the issue... they don't approach us with natural hair. They approach women who hide their natural hair and try to force them to wear it. Why not leave those women alone and approach women who are already wearing their natural hair?

[@Matchless_Monarch]

Great video! Very relatable and interesting. I’m slowly but SURELY embracing the idea of dating a “GOOD” man without race limitations.

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

That’s awesome. Being more open to all kinds of men is awesome. You never know who your person might be.

[@Glad2BGolden]

I’ve never worn wigs or weave. I visited the hairdresser recently to get the balayage hairstyle. After she told me what she would have to do to my hair to accomplish that, I said forget it. I’m now considering wearing a weave to get this look and keep from stripping my hair.

[@offlier]

I love how devastated people get when they see me with short hair. They act like I owe them my long hair. They ask why I cut it. Well, because I want to idiot. Some people even react with disgust and if they were wearing pearls, they'd clutch them. I have to say, it's the highlight of my day to witness the devastation...the deer in headlights look all day. 😂

[@step8241]

🤩I understand you....I lwant to see us win too...sis great video

[@dontme4132]

Girl, you're beautiful! 🥰

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

Aww thanks! 😊

[@Jamilah.L]

14:40 I would have absolutely lost my shit and lose my job that same day

[@natashadickson4819]

She remained feminine and at peace. He wanted her to act crazy so he could justify the "angry black woman" stereotype.

[@diaryofcaro]

ur pfp is so cuteee

[@Jamilah.L]

@@diaryofcaro Thank you so much😊💕

[@adriennejohnson7618]

I want that Mr. Right for you also from GOD

[@blackhilarybanks]

Thank you for this. I love your hair. What is the name of this hairstyle?

[@ShakaylaMeTwan]

This style was like a kinky twist and a Senegalese twist. I can’t remember exactly. Thanks for watching!

[@blackhilarybanks]

@@ShakaylaMeTwan Thank you.

[@zm1786]

white men love natural hair

[@kaishajones]

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