Blended Families | After The Vows - Episode 12 | Season 1 | Full Episode

Content produced by Rise Up Productions for SABC 2.
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[@vkmabunda9597]

Would have loved to see someone raised in a blended family as part of the panel

[@sanelemeyiwa]

I was a step child that pushed my step parents away, especially my step mom, I witnessed the pain that my biological mom went through, inflicted by the divorce, and I instantly took up her burdens and I was always on fight mode when it came to my step mom, I didn’t even give that relationship a chance… the lady who spoke on the behaviour of the child trying to communicate something is absolutely spot on.

[@wendyroselinahmatjiaradebe9676]

Defiantly I saw how my husband daughter reacted to a lot of things I won't lie I'm still hurt by those but I managed to see that there is more to this than one anticipated her response was "I want my mother happy and okey when she is happy as for you 'daddy' I never want to see you happy it still breaks me till today and I try hard to literally forget but I can't

[@celiwemalindi]

Can ask what could have made it better at the time? What were you expecting from your step mom and your father? How is your relationship with them today?

[@sanelemeyiwa]

@@celiwemalindi I think the following would have made it better: 1. My biological mom not showing how hurt she was (she would cry daily), maybe therapy would have been a solution for her. Her showing me all those sad emotions made me feel like I needed to do something, and I was just a child. Children aren’t emotionally mature enough to deal with a parent who isn’t emotionally okay. 2. My step mom was a cleaner first, then had an affair with my dad, this made it hard to adjust, I think my dad could’ve controlled himself and looked for love elsewhere, it was a hard transition, we were close with my step mom whilst she was our helper, and then I had to adjust to her being my dads new wife. I was a child, it was a lot. 3. Both my parents bad mouthed each other, I think if they co parented well, and communicated respectfully and maturely, it wouldn’t have been hard for me to form relationships with their respective partners. 4. Overall, I think it would assisted greatly if they just had a conversation with me about divorce, and that it’s not war, I don’t have to choose a parent, that they still love me even though they are apart. Etc. The thing with being a child is that you view the world as black or white, as one dimensional, and it isn’t like that… most of the time, children make assumptions based on their level of thinking, this creates unnecessary traumas and hurts important relationships.

[@celiwemalindi]

@@sanelemeyiwa I understand you, I am so sorry that you had to go through that as a child. It must have been so hard for you, I cant even imagine it all. I hope you are healing from it all. Thank you for your response it has made me see things differently. Our parents raise us under so much stress cause of the things they go through and lifes challenges sometimes make them forget about us. But we must do better with our kids.

[@sanelemeyiwa]

@@celiwemalindi I'm healed sisi. My step Mom passed away and we were good, I've learnt not to judge during the years... People do what they need at that time to survive, we just get better and we live and learn. ♥️

[@ncisept5900]

Is there a petition we can sign to have longer youtube videos?

[@wendyroselinahmatjiaradebe9676]

True you never know how far you supposed to go,I'm still trying to figure it out myself met my husband when the child was 5 years now 9 years old its getting harder by the day honestly. I think as a society we must advise therapy before entering such

[@khanyisameke1240]

Hope you come right sisi.

[@wendyroselinahmatjiaradebe9676]

@@khanyisameke1240 my daily prayer😪 was hoping they'd get deep into it

[@tlhomphomalumbela2855]

😩😩 seriously feel the KZbin episodes should be longer ey! They’re so good!

[@heisgod5542]

Ousi Nthabie makes so much sense😍

[@beautypuseletso5862]

Wish I knew this too before...baby girl's birthday was close, but we chose to celebrate it before the exact date since we live far from her and it was gonna be during school days, so we went to fetch her, went for photoshot she took pictures with daddy, when it was time for me to be part of the pictures, girl refused, she didn't want to at all, then told hubby its fine she doesn't want lets leave it...I was hurt honestly, the behavior spoke to me in thousands ways..

[@nthubexnthubex8634]

The nickname jakarumba kills me all the time🤣🤣🤣 so sweet.

[@PEACEJ1154]

😂 same

[@dineomaupa4365]

🤣🤣🤣me too

[@makhautadiaho4755]

I wish I had an opportunity to watch this a few years ago when I joined a blended family.

[@zamacele6646]

Wow amazing content as always Thanks to the guests for being transparent i know it was not easy

[@cynthiampofu9272]

Thank you.

[@fuzusitrading5673]

I've been waiting for this topic.

[@celiwemalindi]

To achieve a healthy blended family, the family must normalise family therapy. Cause kuba kuningi kakhulu if ninodwa you need a third person to guide you and help you through all the dynamics that come with having a blended family

[@wendyroselinahmatjiaradebe9676]

True and I learned the hard way because I entered blended family thinking I got this but as years went by I got affected in so many things ' that will make people say you entered knowing your partner has a child so your feelings don't matter". And only recently after months of being I'll treated my therapist said I wish you had went to counseling so you will be able to ask questions that are intense that would have enabled you to either stay or that's not for you

[@celiwemalindi]

@@wendyroselinahmatjiaradebe9676 hmmmmm I hope your situation is better now dear☺️.

[@keitumetsemodibedi5256]

THE CHILD IS TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH HER BEHAVIOUR

[@maureenmaseko2344]

Blended family its a big challenge, its the hardest and makes the marriage sour. When the mom or dad is good the child its a problem or vice versa. people need to know exactly what they getting themselves into. this is no child play.

[@AnelisiweTshangana]

Umntu makahlale no Mamakhe 😔😔…

[@simonmahlangu923]

Mina I don't have any kids so I prefer a childless woman as well. If unomtwana or abantwana ai it's a NO from me, the day I also have kids and my relationship didn't work out with the mother of my children then yes I would be open to dating a woman onabantwana. Until then ANDIZI!!

[@PEACEJ1154]

😂 until then awuzo. for my side if ba discipline or u discipline then i dont have a problem

[@simonmahlangu923]

@@PEACEJ1154discipline or not andizi yaz🤣, we can fuck around no problem but there's no way you're meeting my moms🤞. I want my own clean land so I can be the one who starts planting.

[@PEACEJ1154]

@@simonmahlangu923 ndikuve vii mna😅

[@fuzusitrading5673]

You are Fair. 🙏

[@thembisaodendaal]

Selfish are we ?

[@auntyb4130]

🙏🙏🙏

[@joymogedi7729]

Jakarumba😂😂😂😂🙆🏾‍♀️

[@simmyhove6912]

How do you deal with a spouse that doesn’t want you to be involved in the life of his child that he had before you guys got married?

[@thembisaodendaal]

He's hiding something

[@khangelwakhathi508]

You dont, if he cant give you a valid reason then he is probably hiding something, maybe he doesnt support the child or doesnt think its his!! its called a red flag, run for your life!!! Hopefully you're not married yet!!!

[@thembisaodendaal]

@@khangelwakhathi508 he is still involved with the mother hence he does not want you in the mix

[@keituthat.girlkeitu6853]

But is the question how does the child feeling like an outsider dealt with.....you can have mommy and a bonus dad but what about the child that came with one of them into the relationship.....is she included into this blended family....how does she feel about it?....does any of them even care about her?.....those are some of the questions that should have been asked on this episode....note that "her" is me....the one that's always felt like an outsider ...the one always reaching out for attention but gets none...

[@wendyroselinahmatjiaradebe9676]

Hence I wish it was longer and in detail

[@fuzusitrading5673]

How would you advise the mom who came with a child in this situation. Please assist. I'm her. I'm really sorry that you went through that.

[@wendyroselinahmatjiaradebe9676]

@@fuzusitrading5673 i think with women it's easier whenever they come with the child because guys gabana dilo tsedingata and baby daddy drama is less unlike when the guy comes with a child. I'd advise you to allow your child to have a relationship with the step parent,try getting counseling as both the couple and the child because kids act different

[@fuzusitrading5673]

@@wendyroselinahmatjiaradebe9676 Thanks

[@mogopoleng3274]

@@wendyroselinahmatjiaradebe9676 sometimes fathers are absent hence when the other party comes in ( bonus dad) there is no grey areas of another party feeling replaced hence it seems as if there is no babby daddy drama. There is no word I dislike like the word babby mama/daddy drama , it dehuminizes the other parent. It inherently comes with the assumptions that the other is problematic.

[@PEACEJ1154]

Yah it doesn't sit well nyani le ka step mom...hey i am your mum call me mum

[@modileshikoane8174]

It might depend, maybe the biological mom might not like it, but it' can be flexible... Maybe instead plain being *mom* the child can call you "mom Thami", and i can do the explaining around that to the child, I.e ( Nana, Thami Is your bonus mom, that's why she is called Mom Thami)... As long as everything is done with respect 4 all parties involved,

[@g_ram7860]

As a step- mom you’re not the mother to the step-child. Remember they have a mother and you’re not a REPLACEMENT to the mother. Sometimes trying to push for “I am your mother “to the child may cause resentment. My advise is to build the relationship with the child and work towards finding a suitable way they can address you. In that way, there’s no competition with the mother.

[@g_ram7860]

@@modileshikoane8174 spot on

[@PEACEJ1154]

@@g_ram7860 no babes you will not that push de ukhuphe amehlo to act nice do some stuff like play with her if she's a girl somewhere some how she will notice or become nice all of a sudden she will call you mom you see not caba uzakuthi yeyi🙄 ndibeze mama

[@PEACEJ1154]

@@modileshikoane8174 😂 mom Thami

[@sbonzama7013]

Never be friends with children!

[@veliswayalezo314]

Ey I'm growing 🤔