Bob Mortimer - RHLSTP #64

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Do you believe in Calgon?
Richard is back and exhausted from fatherhood and trying to remember how these work and he’s smarting from Alan Sugar rejecting Herring’s proposed titles for the saggy-faced Lord’s autobiography. And there are a few changes and additions thanks to the successful video Kickstarter campaign. The guest has worked with Richard before, but has no memory of it at all, it’s Middlesbrough’s finest Bob Mortimer.
There is some quite specific conversation about the roads in Linthorpe, speculation that Richard may have unknowingly played with a future rock star in his childhood, the revelation of why Chris Rea was quiet when he was on Shooting Stars. Plus some fantastically and worryingly detailed conversations about terrorist atrocities and how to dispose of a body. Where would we be in a world with no lime?
Many thanks to Duncan Thorley for gamely being the first person to sponsor an entire episode. Check out his minecraft sitcom, Maximum Whimsy here - / @maximumwhimsy9475 .

[@alastairjohnson4038]

Most naturally funny person ever. Got drunk with him and Vic in a hotel bar in Nottingham after their live show. Vic was quite serious, Bob kept us all in stitches the whole night. Paid for all the drinks too. Lovely man.

[@speedstix4474]

you lucky beggar ,you've been truly blessed to have such an evening

[@partlyironic]

I don’t think I’ve ever been more jealous of any random person on the internet before.

[@timewyrmrevelations7700]

I had a similar experience with them just wanted to say hi to them and not bother them. I was still with them four hours later I kept trying to leave didn’t want to overstay my welcome but they wouldn’t have it. Vic is so intelligent and Bob is just naturally funny it isn’t an act he puts on. They are a perfect example of famous people who haven’t let ego take over so many celebrities could learn from them. I mean those who are half as talented but think the world revolves around them. I didn’t get my autograph though I felt after how nice they had been it was wrong to ask and would have ruined it.

[@darylpomroy6082]

You lying git 😂

[@ennesshay5040]

Book Title ? 'Alan Sugar: How I Helped Destroy Corbyn / Britain [ and will be buried next to Robert Maxwell on the Mount of Olives ]'

[@brendandonnelly5879]

When I was young, I would annoy my friends with, "You wouldn't let it lie!!", etc. Now, at 50, I annoy them with the tales of Fuji 9 & "We beg your pardon. We're in your garden". The world is a better place with Bob Mortimer in it. 👍

[@benwilliams5760]

There has never been and will never be anyone like Bob. Funny to the core but also seems like one of the nicest, most genuine blokes going.

[@geoffsaunderson5766]

Hang on, is Bob dead?

[@benwilliams5760]

@@geoffsaunderson5766 Haha! It did sound like an obituary. Bob will never die, don't worry.

[@geoffsaunderson5766]

@@benwilliams5760 bobs an angling legend, his terrible casting ability and out and out clumsiness is clearly made up for in his dead eyed determination and enthusiasm lol

[@benwilliams5760]

@@geoffsaunderson5766 I salute you! Perfectly summed up. 👌

[@lisamgreenleaf]

He never fails to make me laugh!!

[@danielstephenson2341]

"I don't know if you've ever handled Cemtex... but I fucking challenge you to distinguish it from the exterior of a Fig Roll" is possibly the most Mortimerian sentence I've ever heard. Amazing.

[@aquablushgirl]

I absolutely adore Bob. He is so lovely and funny and gentle. The perfect guest.

[@StillABigKid]

My younger brother and I loved families at war. I remember Vic was usually the spider, getting moved around a giant cube full of prizes like a human grabber machine. Bob and co-presenter Alice Beer also did spider duties. My brother was 5 or 6 at the time and he would make me hold him up over my head while he screamed "I am the spider"

[@denapattison6363]

"Roman Road was very straight" a very clever line just thrown away by the BRILLIANT Mr Mortimer

[@mrspoon6742]

Also happens to be true. Nearly all of Bob's Middlesbrough stories are. He was met with incredulity on Would I Lie to You when he said he had a friend called Steve Bytheway. In fact the Bytheways are a big family in Middlesbrough

[@pickassoreborn]

One of my favourites. Bob banter game is always strong.

[@5Heth]

That was awesome. I love Richard Herring & Bob Mortimer

[@cyberperson53]

"Roman Road is very straight, as you can imagine." Never change, Bob. Never ever change.

[@kisbie]

Could’ve happily listened to them engage in an imaginary walking tour of Boro for hours.

[@kallisto9166]

Nearly thirty years on and I can apparently still remember all the words to Vic and Bob's lucky beige carpet song. The good people of Montreal may not have cared for it but I must have enjoyed it.

[@spiderboris79]

The bit about Chris Rea at 53 minutes in is a close tie for funniest thing ever with Bob's other Chris Rea-related anecdote from Would I Lie To You.

[@lisamgreenleaf]

(in Geordie accent) I've run u a bath....and I've put a nice egg in it

[@lukef3559]

yeh. good stuff. a great wind up

[@partlyironic]

He just LOVES bringing him up

[@zetetick395]

Yeah, but unlike the great 'Chris Rhea egg bath' story, this one's (Poiiing!) _TRUE!_ (Plus it has a nice ending too, as Mr Rhea survived his Pancreatic Cancer! 😸_👍 - Chris hangs out with Bob at a pub in one of Bob's fishing show's recent Chrimbo specials)

[@paullally07]

What a funny man Bob Mortimer is. Enjoyed this podcast very much.

[@PooperScooperTrooper]

This must be my most re-watched episode...hilarious stuff!

[@DrumsTheWord]

I have to like the same Bob Mortimer video being uploaded for the second time; it's the law.

[@Womberto]

Remember seeing Bob along with Damon Albarn and Frank Sidebottom playing football at the Phoenix Festival in '97 while wearing his brown loafers. He took a shot and it hit a girl square in the face.

[@joegatrill6634]

What a refreshingly different youtube comment! 😄

[@Womberto]

@@joegatrill6634 True story bro. Wish I could remember who else was playing now.

[@michaelreddington658]

Sniper’s dream

[@Womberto]

@@michaelreddington658 Haha!

[@Womberto]

@@emucat1 I'm sure she remembers it.

[@samgarrod4781]

I Love Bob almost an unhealthy amount. (Depending on current levels).

[@dancesontheceiling]

Caught the date on this interview & Bob’s reference to his upcoming tour with Vic. My thought was this was just before he found out he needed a triple bypass? He looked terrific. I love Bob Mortimer. Just a brilliant & nice man.

[@birth0fserpents]

Rich can you pop "Retro RHLSTP" in the title so we don't all get excited for a new Bob ep??

[@holyone2668]

I did get excited until I saw this comment.

[@wiggles877]

I think the episode # was a clue to be fair...

[@srd8228]

You’re not drinking enough.

[@ChubbyChecker182]

@@wiggles877 it wasn't

[@RighteousBrother]

Argh I've been saving this for the weekend, gutted it's an old one!

[@taras6806]

I've become addicted to these, not watchng them numerically but just as they pop up as suggestions. June 1 2021 was my 50th birthday, it would have been an infinitely more excellent b.day if I had seen this at the time! Thank you for all your episodes @Richard Herring (you BTW are my not-so-secret celebrity crush 😜).

[@Herring1967]

Happy birthday!

[@taras6806]

@@Herring1967 Well thank you! Slightly freaky to see that message just as I'm watching you with the ever-erudite Stephen Fry on RHLSTP 😊.

[@thert.hon.thelordnicholson7261]

​@@taras6806 Hope your 53rd was excellent too.

[@taras6806]

@@thert.hon.thelordnicholson7261 why thank you!

[@AntBangBang]

Crying with laughter. Bob is always amazing value 😍

[@JETJOOBOY]

Very economical. One of the Cheaper Turns...

[@zetetick395]

Yeah, the Johnny Vegas one is fab as well, had me laughing the entire time! .......Oh yeah, and the drunk Simon Munnery episode I found incredibly funny as well 😸_👍

[@leenicol4987]

Richard, I loved this. A cracking sesh with Bob.

[@adamoreilly6337]

Adam Buxton, Bob Mortimer, Greg Davies. We need more please 🤞🏻

[@adamoreilly6337]

Oh God I forgot James, he needs a 3rd visit 👍🏻

[@adamoreilly6337]

cm most definitely 👍🏻

[@purehyperbole5727]

@@cmpc724 I've whipped that hat back at you.

[@JETJOOBOY]

@@cmpc724 I can never remember names... it took me 8 years to Remember Simon Evans and Greg Davies' names.. Who is that dead funny lady... Not her.. the other one.. The one with the unpronouncable name... YES Her.. but also the other one with the unwritable and unpronouncable name... I think I see the ACTUAL problem with women getting recognised in the industry!! Roisin?? and that Aisling? JUST CHANGE YOUR NAMES to something that reads like it looks...

[@emilygilbeyful]

My top 3 too!!!

[@jaredrogersword]

I was looking for this video over the weekend - pleased to see it back up. Great episode! :)

[@RalphBrooker-gn9iv]

The Catterick-Sutcliffe thing. Freaked me out. Catterick was so good. What a cast. Mark Benson and Morwenna Banks, Mention in Despatches.

[@user-br3bw7wr2l]

Highly recommend both Bob and Vic’s Desert Island Discs both great listens.

[@monchavo]

At the end of the terrorist dog track bit, when Bob says "ownerless greyhounds" I always think he is saying "odourless crayons". it's such a wonderful alternative reading of the bit.

[@joewalker4413]

You'll be pleased to know Bob v Gervais is on KZbin

[@nathhoney8500]

Absolute class - there’s no holds barred with Bob is there!

[@trevorfeelgood]

I love Bob Mortimer. Get him back please

[@Herring1967]

Hopefully doing another in the autumn

[@lloroshastar6347]

I do hope so, I'd be interested to hear a conversation about Athletico Mince which I binged through over lockdown, certainly helped to get me through it.

[@kisbie]

@@lloroshastar6347 Still wish Athletico Mince featured Paul Whitehouse and Matt Lucas as well. I can see Matt and Bob as Ron Manager’s assistant coach and kit man.

[@JETJOOBOY]

What for? what did he do? RETRIBUTION!!

[@RavenRachelSteele]

Luckily I’m old enough to have a terrible memory so enjoyed it just as much as the first time I saw it. (Or maybe this is the first time? I can’t remember)

[@vjc2270]

Awwwww. 🙁 I was so excited for newness. Just as well Bob is an international treasure and well worth the watch many times over.

[@AshleyKitto]

Excellent. Why did I not know about this? Google obviously did not realise until today that I would love this.

[@mikeakachorlton]

You're in for a treat when you go through the rest of the interviews then. :)

[@AshleyKitto]

@@mikeakachorlton yep proper laughing at this episode. Richard is great. I saw him at Edinburgh festival one year. He did an amazing bit on religion it was so clever and funny.

[@ricardoViolencia]

Super exercise with fire pony is probably my favourite quote ever!

[@Nic-tg2ei]

Oh dear, I was eating spiced butternut soup (covent garden, 95calories) and when Richard said there would be no lime in the world if calgon got out into it, the soup, through pressure of laughter, rushed out through my nose, burning and stinging, coating the inside of me, coating the desk and the computer with orange celebration. Thanks!

[@SilverfoxJB]

Only discovered this show recently. I always skip the solo bit at the beginning and get to the guest. Bob is a gentle god amongst uncouth men. An actual legend

[@madebydbm]

Everytime I spot this on KZbin I go straight to the Chris Rea story and Herring laughing so hard he can't even make a sound. Bob is brilliant.

[@kildogery]

Bob seems like the nicest guy in British comedy. He's also one of the funniest. Absolute legend.

[@zetetick395]

Yeah man, he's definitely up there, along with Bill Bailey, Ross Noble (Live) and Harry Hill - They're all like 'fall out of your own socks laughing' level funny 😸_👍

[@kildogery]

@@zetetick395 I love those guys, but Bob's different.

[@zetetick395]

@@kildogery Yeah, he's just so personable he even gets me to enjoy a show about fishing!

[@kildogery]

@@zetetick395 exactly. He's not even that arsed, but manages to make it look great.

[@kinggimped]

Bob's a legend!

[@zetetick395]

😸_👍

[@leejones8582]

Bob is a legend

[@gladtobeangry]

Just looked up that Families at War show, and the reality of it is even more insane than Bob's description of it here.

[@kisbie]

Someone high-up in the BBC at that time clearly believed they had mass Saturday night appeal as they also did the Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased) remake around then. I love everything they do, though I’ll concede it did show up their severe limitations as straight actors. Bob especially, bless him. 😄

[@zetetick395]

And the shows *Catterick* and *Bang Bang it's Reeves & Mortimer* (Which he mentions as his and Vic's personal favourites on here) are all uploaded onto KZbin as well! 😸_👍 - Here's a classic sketch from *Bang Bang* called "Precious Monkeys" kzbin.info/www/bejne/eaTVqWmZgNifhMU 🤣

[@liamhughes1532]

Class stuff here, lucky my memory is so bad i get to watch it a bit like the first time. Maybe Tony Law belongs in this classic guest grouping, I think so anyway. Be lucky Richard ✌

[@gary8032]

Bob is Brilliant.

[@meu02136]

Oh this has got extra bits, nice. Unless I’m not remembering properly

[@NeoDragoN7676]

Everyone complaining.....ME yeah i'll watch this again for the 8th time...it's 1 of the best RHLSTP of all time!

[@adaptivedigital]

No. Brian Blessed

[@jiggely_spears]

@@adaptivedigital There can be more than one "one of the bests" - ;P

[@NeoDragoN7676]

@@adaptivedigital Never said it was THE best...1 of.

[@zetetick395]

Here's a classic Vic & Bob sketch from their show Bang Bang called "Precious Monkeys" kzbin.info/www/bejne/eaTVqWmZgNifhMU and "Steve Coogan has done something" (which imo is one of the funniest 40 seconds of comedy improv ever put to film!) kzbin.info/www/bejne/pH2sZoCvl6l9kMk 🤣 + also, the shows *Catterick* and *Bang Bang it's Reeves & Mortimer* (Which he mentions here as his and Vic's personal favourites) have all been fully uploaded onto KZbin as well 😸_👍

[@timmoss8510]

Retail Park for a craft beer is simply the funniest thing ever.

[@emilyharwood89]

Why have you reuploaded this? I was super excited for a new one!

[@gazriley624]

I've only just realized it's an old one I've seen before

[@cromulence]

Richard has experienced a mental breakdown and will now keep uploading this specific episode every week from now on.

[@Schizopantheist]

Well to fair, it is a good one!

[@MarcusSheppard]

I actually checked out the sponsor and he hasn't uploaded in 4 years :D

[@charliepotter100]

It's totally different, this one has cross dissolves for all the transitions whereas it was originally just straight forward cuts, creates a completely different atmosphere, the jokes land a lot more smoothly.

[@csurname]

42:18 is the timecode for anyone gathering testimonies on Keith Allen

[@adamlee3333]

Mention of a bespectacled red-haired menace has been edited out in this re-upload lol

[@jasrust]

I've known people like Keith Allen in my life. Bullying nightmares who can't hold their ale, and think they're the funniest thing on the planet. Strangely they're all rugby players.

[@gigteevee6118]

Six years is a long time in comedy, esspecially the last six years!

[@richardchurchill8081]

Really enjoyed the show, thanks 👏

[@mungomidge1090]

I remember watching Vic and Bobs lucky carpet on Just for Laughs when it was on Channel 4, first time I had seen them and I laughed my socks off, so if they ever read this there was at least one person that found it funny!

[@thebagelsproductions]

I remember loving that, but I noticed that it kinda died in front of the Canadian/festival audience

[@Retrobeemer]

*Super exercise! With firepony!*

[@iangreen4572]

Is it a re-upload?

[@slonky821]

this is one of the funniest things i've ever watched

[@voodoochile333]

If anyone want more Bob goodness, go to the Athletico Mince podcast

[@geoffsaunderson5766]

I’ve subbed, rich is subtly out of his depth in most interviews but he owns it, makes it his own and is frankly a lovely bloke in the process.

[@Herring1967]

I take it as a big compliment that you believe that to be the case (the out of my depth bit). The disarm is the charm.

[@user-ml9qc5hk1p]

That's part of his schtick, you beige blob of mayonnaise.

[@ozanyoung2909]

"Do you believe in Calgon?" XD

[@dougieladd]

excellent :)

[@jimboslice4468]

Bob is undefeated

[@zetetick395]

Jimbo is telling the...... *TRUTH!*

[@lachlanmoir79]

He emerged as Peter Suttcliff 😆

[@AniWatX]

Brilliant.

[@johnbrookes4892]

Catterick remains my favourite!

[@noneofyoubusiness4895]

Hi Richard! In case you read these ... suggestions for guests: 1. Timmy Mallet 2. Hugo Myatt (Treguard from Knightmare) 3. David Mitchell (been a while #justsaying)

[@teddyvision7563]

I’m not sure David Mitchell would love doing this endlessly

[@Rockky67]

For someone who’s not been on for yonks I’d love to see a catch up with Edgar Wright. Since the time he was on there’s been the Ant Man stuff, all the MeToo stuff with a couple of the main Baby Driver actors, not least trying to make a big movie over lockdown during which one of his female leads became one of the biggest stars going. But, mainly I want Richard to ask him about all the empty London lockdown photos on Instagram.

[@kisbie]

4. Any of the other surviving Pythons, even though they aren’t as nice as Michael Palin 5. Craig Cash 6. Rich Hall 7. Chris Barrie 8. Double bill of Rob Newman and Frank Skinner 9. Tracey Ullman 10. Surely it’s about time he tempted Morris and/or Kitson out of hiding

[@zetetick395]

The Johnny Vegas ep was friggin hi-larious as well! oh yeah, and the DRUNK Simon Munnery had me laughing for its entire legnth! 😹_👍

[@franticbass]

I hope Bob returns (for a real new one ;) ). He's always good for a (continuous) laugh... When he does, I hope Richard talks to him about Mortimer and Whitehouse Gone Fishing. It's such a good time, if you haven't watched it, remedy that mistake immediately! You won't regret it.

[@pvthudson5069]

The Mortimer Gervais fight has just been uploaded to KZbin, check it out.

[@bustedfender]

Bob’s my generation’s Eric Morecambe; the bloke you wish was your uncle.

[@tobiathon80]

Bob is the best.

[@Gazzaroo]

Had me crying with laughter.

[@davedogge2280]

I miss the days of Vic Reeves Big Night Out... he played the hapless straight man in that comedy duo. But it was no ordinary comedy duo 4 sure.

[@JonoHalle]

He got his own back every episode with Graham Lister. Class.

[@michaeldunne3379]

If only more comedians were funny, like Bob.

[@geoffpowell3568]

Thought the audience member had done his 60 quid until they launched into Calgon, Bob = brilliance!

[@andrewreeveart]

I thought this was new but I remember that can of boozey juice and crumpled blazer. It was a typical day that began, as they so often did, in the morning...

[@Szaam]

I'm now very self-conscious of the fact that I'm a Calgon user

[@thekaratekidpartii2169]

The video of Bob getting his head kicked in by Gervais is on KZbin. And it is funny.

[@paulleoleo]

Between this, Limmy and Craig Davis are my favourite interviews... Brilliant stuff.

[@voodoochile333]

Can I have a rewind?

[@janeprouse9472]

Did you mean Craig David? Or Greg Davies?

[@paulleoleo]

@@janeprouse9472 No one asked you Jane

[@La_sagne]

@@paulleoleo no, but she asked you.

[@howdj]

Limmy is the least funny person alive

[@mrmoran0077]

"The banjo string", I think you mean "the budgies tongue" my good man 🙂

[@commonsense9176]

Unfortunately microwave in welsh is not pop di pin. Its meicrodon.

[@kildogery]

I saw Rich's play. It was quite good.

[@zetetick395]

It lost him about 42 grand...A NIGHT!?? I can only imagine his missus holding that one over him _for decades_ 🤣 whenever she needs to pull something extra zingy outta the bag...

[@kildogery]

@@zetetick395 he had to pay the guy off The Thick of It.

[@kildogery]

@@zetetick395 my sister and her troupe have made a living off the Edinburgh festival for the last decade. You just have to give the people what they want 😂

[@doovbaloevera1430]

I once saw Bob at a Pelican Crossing.

[@EleanorPeterson]

We need more details... Was he walking and were you driving, or was Bob in the car and you stopped him by pressing the button before stepping boldly onto the crossing? Tell us more, you tease! 😁

[@B3ntheboy]

Retro RHLSTP (RHLSTP!)

[@mayamar2]

From Redcar so these guys are God's to me and my friends. When you grow up in a place like the North East, you'll totally get where there coming from..

[@everso2151]

Richard is cuuuute!!!!❤

[@RalphBrooker-gn9iv]

Bob is forensic. Semtex/fig roll 😂

[@thomasthomasson2319]

Nice to hear Harry Harriman get a mention outside of WILTY, shame to hear he’s a ghost now though

[@zetetick395]

It seems to me it's always the super-big guys that go first, I'd already lost two chunky boys by 40 😔 I especially wish the last one, Gareth, coulda seen his own funeral though, - I know he woulda completely cracked up watching *six full-grown men* buckling under the weight of carrying him inside a literal *wardrobe-sized* coffin! 😂 (it was a heck of a thing to see, in what was supposed to be a sombre moment) 🤣 - RIP Mate ❤

[@partlyironic]

The Peter Kay stuff had me rolling but COME ON some of his stuff is genuinely brilliant! Cheeky little sods

[@EleanorPeterson]

I think they're happy to acknowledge his undoubted popularity, charisma, and talent as a performer, but are less than impressed by his humourless... er... 'sense of self'. Confidence is one thing, but Peter's ego could give Donny Trumpholio's or that absurd little Kanye West bloke's a run for its money. It's for other people to say how great you are - especially if you're a Brit - otherwise you're in danger of being seen as a 🐦.

[@zetetick395]

Yeah, he is undeniably funny live....He has the audience _literally_ crying with laughter! Can't say fairer than that for a night out... 😸_👍

[@RIXRADvidz]

If you're going to go classic, Get The Best, Mortimer, Bob Mortimer. Finest Quality. innit.

[@ricardoViolencia]

The Ricky boxing matches are now on KZbin!

[@voodoochile333]

I never found out what happened to Les.

[@perthpete7906]

I was in Bob's class at school. He was one of the rich kids if I remember.

[@Herring1967]

Yeah but rich in Middlesbro is still destitute anywhere else.

[@perthpete7906]

@@Herring1967 I always remember inviting a kid back to my home. He was amazed because we had a fridge!! Ha ha!!

[@perthpete7906]

@@Herring1967 Chris Rea was the same - he was one of the super rich kids. Family house on Low Lane!! Yet most people probably think he was from the middlesbrough ghettos. Looks as if he will not live long. He must be on his last Christmas??

[@himself9958]

those chairs are high

[@STEVO-hn5su]

This is proper funny....Two guys just taking the piss and having a laugh.....No scripted pish.

[@rossknowles5608]

how did Bob get so damn funny

[@zetetick395]

Here's a classic Vic & Bob sketch from their show *Bang Bang* called "Precious Monkeys" kzbin.info/www/bejne/eaTVqWmZgNifhMU and "Steve Coogan has done something" (which imo is one of the funniest 40 seconds of comedy improv ever put to film!) kzbin.info/www/bejne/pH2sZoCvl6l9kMk 🤣 + also, the shows *Catterick* and *Bang Bang it's Reeves & Mortimer* (Which he mentions here as his and Vic's personal favourites) have all been fully uploaded onto KZbin as well! 😸_👍

[@kawaiilotus]

never wanted anyone else be my uncle in my entire life, from a cool one in the 90's to now as just a lovely cuddly cosy but still multidimensional bloke, a girl can dream...

[@artetas-army5982]

Man I miss the live ones

[@Herring1967]

They're back! But audio only for the moment. Wherever you get your podcasts

[@artetas-army5982]

@@Herring1967 god how the mighty have fallen

[@lnfreeman]

Both of them looking so spritely and fresh faced

[@voodoochile333]

Is that code for "cocaine"?

[@lnfreeman]

@@voodoochile333 it's code for "this is an old-ass video"

[@acegreyer]

Harry Harryman.

[@fredlark9048]

Saved me having to get excited seeing that this is a repost. Shame on you Herring.

[@matthewpollard2843]

Genius. So funny. Thanks!

[@cgdimension]

Cant wait for the Vic and Bob movie