Psychiatric Interview: BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) | Part 1 | Dr. Karen Jacob

[@auntihooha]

In case this young woman reads these comments, I would like to tell her what I did after I was sick of talking to therapists: I began to record myself talking, and I'd later listen to myself. I did this sober, while drinking alcohol, while stoned...I let it all out. I was my best therapist, because only I could decipher the significance to each rant, each memory. I also got out my anger towards my mother; I yelled at her, called her horrific names, and when I listened later, I felt rather sorry for the woman. It actually reduced my anger, it helped me release my stories outloud and have someone, a slightly futurist me, listen to the rantings. I was able to validate my feelings and my reactions to the abuse and neglect I received. I've moved on quite a bit after doing that. I feel less guilt and shame, I feel stronger. I've realized my areas of weakness and have been working on improving myself. I see your pain and know it well. It does get better; you just need to find a way to love and forgive yourself.

[@all4bees]

Love this idea! Thank you.

[@athenadamaris]

Wow great idea I’m going to try this, thank you so much!

[@222cutekitty]

i recorded myself telling my life story for the first time one late night when i was about 14. now my heart hurts because i truly had and still really have no one

[@athenadamaris]

@@222cutekitty Awe :/ I know it’s not easy and I’m sure what I say sounds cliche but I’m sure there are someone out there that loves you and cares even if it’s a stranger or people here in the comments. I hope you are doing well and sounding yourself with like minded people. I don’t know you but I do sympathize and feel for you. I hope you take care of yourself and know you are deserving of love

[@MyWits_End]

Absolutely love this - both the sentiment for Charlie (a super strong, vibrant and beautifully-spirited woman) and your self-therapy technique is awesome. I've often used journalling in the same way, but might give this a try. Although I find my journals to be excellent therapy, I imagine listening to your own voice would be even more powerful because you would hear the inflections/emotion in your voice, in a way that you can't quite do with words on a page. Love it, Kristina. Thank you

[@lemurdream]

"I would hate to pass what I went through onto a living creature." I felt that.

[@jmr4939]

MY MOM ONLY SAID IT I CANT REMEMBER. .. IM DUMB ANYWAY E

[@lisaj5769]

had same feelings and hence no children.

[@bingbongbang45]

exact words out of my mouth

[@stuff1784]

I have BPD. I feel the exact same way.

[@hoodoo.hillbilly]

ABSOLUTELY! Good to see I’m not the only one. Greatest accomplishment of my life, not reproducing.

[@nancydashiell1429]

It hit home for me when she said she felt like a turtle without a shell. I grew up feeling every emotion so much intensely and with no tools to handle it. Thank God for therapy.

[@Medietos]

NAncy D: Doyou mean that you actually get therapy that HELPS, that the therapist is WORKING with you, with a plan with you, co-working with you?

[@sarahholland2600]

I literally did a double take when she said that because I used the exact same phrase around 5 years ago when in a Counselling session. My Counsellor said it made him wince at the thought of being that raw.

[@Missditabomb]

@@sarahholland2600 Yes, the emotions are that raw with Borderlines. They cannot put emotions into any perspective, so everything is RAW. Your therapist, however, should not have said anything about about how your situation/statement affected HIM.

[@jessicamarie8299]

So you are a psychopath?

[@marbleblue5127]

What kind of therapy? Regular "talking/counseling" doesn't help.

[@ashleighwickham]

The relentless mind chatter. All day, all night. It never stops and it makes you so tired. Thankyou for being so honest about BPD. I feel less alone.

[@superlugnut]

Ive since stopped but the first time I smoked, I cried because it all stopped and I was so happy. My friend didn't understand why I was so happy, it's because I was able to just be. I didnt have to worry about my trainwreck of thoughts.

[@Uhhlaneuh]

That reminds me of adhd. I didn’t know BPD was like that

[@IntelligentFlame]

@@Uhhlaneuh You can also have both ADHD + BPD and since they overlap a lot symptom-wise at the basic level, they amplify each other drastically.

[@Uhhlaneuh]

@@IntelligentFlame correct, they can be comorbid like how I have anxiety/adhd

[@christopherpederson1021]

i have a two channel system of chatter going. i haven’t had a decent nights sleep for 27 years

[@lisaj5769]

she's fucking brave for putting herself out there. I applaud her courage.

[@barbararipani1331]

Nope, she’s in her glory.

[@williegates627]

BPDers WANT the attention. The DSM states this explicitly. The user "barbara" is exactly right. The interviewee plays a part for attention, and obviously gets it. There's nothing wrong with that in that it is a symptom of the disease. But it's not bravery. It's a symptom that, if she was well, she would feel like we all do about doing this type of thing. It's not bravery at all.

[@Missditabomb]

@@williegates627 I don't necessarily think that BPDers want the attention that a psychiatric interview, posted on-line, would bring. For the most part, Borderlines KNOW they are deeply flawed, but DO NOT want that exposed to the world. In fact, in their own maladaptive way, they do everything to not appear, "unwell". (It's all about appearances with a Borderline!!) Now, walking into a party and being the best-dressed, sexiest, most elegant, ya, I would agree that Borderlines love that attention, but to be EXPOSED as severely flawed and damaged, I don't believe that.

[@EllaWatson]

@@williegates627 I find it interesting, and a bit telling, that you reposted this same comment on two different posts...

[@rose4490]

@@Missditabomb Border personality disorder is highly stigmatized.

[@amlgarrett]

My sister lost her battle with BPD last year. She was sweet, wonderful. BPD is a way to cope with abuse. My heart goes out to anyone with BPD

[@Miriboheme]

i'm so sorry, white feather.

[@realbluemeanie]

May your sister rest in peace. My condolences.

[@aoz307]

:(

[@alanaronald244]

sorry for your loss

[@nitalightell336]

It's horrible

[@bekacynthia]

She looks so tired, so sick of everything, and yet, she seems so sweet!

[@michellesmith9821]

Yes it’s very exhausting. My daughter has it and every time I want to say how exhausted I am I just try to imagine her daily “hell” as she says.

[@alisonderrick1067]

She is a sweetheart. I can tell that she has a tender spirit and a broken heart. She is living in torment, like so many of us are. But, she’s gonna be okay. She needs to know that a lot of people feel that way. And that friendships are just almost impossible to find after school. And friends are a good thing. And she would be an amazing wife and an amazing mother. Awwwww she is so beautiful. God bless you sweet girl. You’re awesome! Thank you for sharing your story with us. Thank You for being so honest and so open. And her best days are ahead of her. God bless the girl. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I’m sorry for your loss. I’m positive that we will see our dad’s again.

[@Dwelleronthethreshold89]

maybe she just has those droopy eye genes. saying someone looks tired does no one any favors.

[@KawaiiKandikidPLURR]

Not you describing me

[@lisawoodie173]

Every single day is a fight. There’s never a break….

[@jeffandersen7397]

"i'm not being super hard on myself, i'm just being honest" . . . that resonated

[@LeighlaMarieTherapy]

Totally. The client wasn’t “being hard on herself” and the therapist looked visibly uncomfortable with the challenge. When talking about her dad’s passing, the client voiced that she felt like she could have and should have “done better.” Guilt isn’t a “bad” thing especially if it’s merited. Then the therapist kept bringing up the client’s “self-condemnation” up over and over in different ways. Like a power play. “You can talk the talk” after the client said “I’ve had SO much therapy.” Silently insinuating that she can’t “walk the walk.” This woman has WALKED the WALK to even be alive. I couldn’t work with a therapist like this and, as a MFT student, I’m hopeful that I never interact with clients in such a shaming and condescending manner.

[@nadiah4315]

It is such a pleasure to finally see a sensitive, accurate, real portrayal of BPD. Finally.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Heart (to your comment). Thanks for the recognizing.

[@sugarsaltspice]

Tell me about it.

[@Ariana-zr2cr]

I Agree!!!!!

[@Lehmann108]

As a psychologist, I have to disagree. While this woman discusses BPD symptoms with insight and clarity, she does not display them in the therapeutic relationship. The words, "insight and clarity" are essentially never associated with BPD. I would defer a diagnosis of BPD for now and wait to see if the typical borderline traits will be expressed in the therapeutic relationship.

[@nadiah4315]

@@Lehmann108 I think you are making a huge assumption that people with BPD don't have insight into their condition, particularly when they've been through as much therapy as this lady. Myself and my best friend were separately diagnosed with BPD, both of us usually knew exactly what was happening, but had no way of changing it. Please be careful what you assume ❤️

[@MaddyMews]

When she was talking about how holidays are hard because it just reminds her of the family she never had... It hurts my heart. She was failed as a child and no one deserves that.

[@lindasanderlin4444]

And yet so many children are🤬😭

[@pablofurnace]

As someone who suffers from the same disorder, I often times hear this same sentiment of not deserving the pain and neglect I experienced (in relation to my childhood). It’s so sweet of you to share that kindness toward her and it’s so inspiring. Please understand I mean this in the most respectful way, but that concept makes no sense to me, personally. I mean I also want to make sure other people don’t feel deserted or hurt. I 100% feel this way when I seen any child even remotely being emotionally neglected and I want to protect them. BUT if I think about this concept as it pertains to me, I have a hard time reconciling that I (personally) deserved better. In my mind it just feels foreign. What could I have done as a child that would have allowed me to deserve being loved, protected, or cherished? It just seems too inherently entitled of a mentality and it makes me feel uncomfortable (which is a very broken thought process, I know). So that’s just my random share. Thanks for letting me share. ❤️ You are awesome.

[@tiffb1300]

I relate to this so much and inevitably spend every holiday by myself. All I ever wanted was to belong to a tribe. I don't have a tribe.

[@MaddyMews]

@@pablofurnace I'm so glad you shared this because I have something to say about your opinion on the matter. What your perception is on feeling like as a child you deserving better being an "entitled" thought process, is seriously so broken 😥 You may think, "As a kid I didn't do anything exceptional, or I wasn't even a good kid." But that's where your thoughts are flawed ones. Let me key you in on something. As a child, it didn't matter if you were the best behaved or acted out the most. A child doesn't deserve loving guidance based off that, they deserve love just because they are a child. It's as simple as that. And someone who went through a traumatic situation like you, you would never see it that way because you weren't taught your own value as a child. Look back at little you, and be kind to them. Little you needs to be shown that they do matter, they are loved, and most of all that little you needs to be protected from the bad people that hurt you. The ones you trusted most as a kid hurt you and had no care to teach you your value. They failed you as well, and now you feel like as a kid maybe you even deserved your abuse. But hell no that couldn't be farther from the truth. Start working on self love, because it may be the key you need to start seeing little you in a different light. In a light where little you did deserve better love and guidance. I wish I could travel back in time just to give little you a deep hug and chat about how special you really are, even if it doesn't feel that way.

[@pablofurnace]

@@MaddyMews OMG, 😭 This is just the most kind thing ever. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your life to write what you did. ❤️ It really means so much. I’ll be 37 next week and I was just sitting here thinking about little me when that message notification came through. I may be a whole grown up female whose out here going through life alone…but little me really needed to hear that. Thank you a million times over. You are a beautiful soul. I’m so thankful for you. xoxo, gina marie 🌻❤️🙏

[@ariebeston187]

BPD is the best example of why you should never cause a child harm, neglect, or if these things do happen, whatever you do, do not deny the reality of that abuse or neglect.

[@MrMakingwavesmedia]

I am sorry stop this ignorance. One is born with BPD it is not caused by abuse that is absolutely not true and if you tell people like this they are victims you absolutely do not help them.

[@leonardomarquez7039]

@@MrMakingwavesmedia literal doctors and scientists(which doesnt include you) are almost clueless about bpd in comparison to other disorders. so get off that like you know what youre talking about its a combination of genetic and environmental. hope one day youre not as ignorant as you were months ago and as you prob still are now

[@erictim9052]

@@MrMakingwavesmedia lol good on you

[@cudderkid1336]

@@MrMakingwavesmedia you’re not born with BPD. It’s caused by traumatic events in early childhood/teenage years

[@TantricMuse11]

@@MrMakingwavesmedia I agree that we are the complex genetic amalgamation of our ancestry, so yes, born with the symptoms. This is however further exacerbated by our traumatic abusive upbringings which are devoid of any form of healthy attachment.

[@keepitkawaii4467]

Wow. She nailed it with the nonstop shame and beating herself up. This is what my therapist and I go through nearly every session. She has to constantly bring me out of a shame loop. Wow. This is eye opening when you see it happening in someone else.

[@beepbopboop3221]

What is the shame loop? How does she bring you out of it? I'm curious because I work with people, in general, I'm not a therapist.

[@eg7545]

@@beepbopboop3221 Like believing in any given thought/situation that it's ultimately your fault/your the problem, shows in language you use also, for example phrases when describing things like 'Brought it on myself', 'my own fault obviously', 'I'm so stupid', 'should have done better', 'could have done better', 'could have done ... But I didn't' etc etc, things that show as bringing yourself down a lot, shaming yourself for how you handled things/the part you did or didn't play at the time and in every regard, it's ultimately yourself that's the problem/to blame. Therapists/psychiatrists 'bring you out of it' by acknowledging it, pointing out that you've said these sorts of ultimately self shaming comments and making you aware of it too, teaching you to be more mindful of what you say, which in turn forces you to challenge the why behind why you unconscious take that stance (I.e bringing yourself down/assuming its always you that's the problem etc and how that shows through in your words) teaching you to be more compassionate towards how you speak of yourself and to start noticing how you speak of yourself, 'catching it' when you say it and challenging it, thinking from a more compassionate, open, non judgemental way and rephrasing what it was you were saying. Know its long but hope it helps 😂🙂

[@fl3693]

BPD is all about separation from your "family". When your parents have discarded you and failed to identify your needs as a baby and child. She is smart, empathic and kind. Its basically grief for all that never was.

[@ontheborderline2012]

chills, you just described me.

[@fl3693]

@@ontheborderline2012 sending much love. Listen to Marshall Chapmans song "Its never too late to have a happy childhood" Hugs

[@fl3693]

@@wilsal2485 I think some BPD sufferers are misdiagnosed. Think also that hormone studies are massively underrepresented for woman. Many many woman whom are suffering "BPD" are suffering literal internal allergic type reactions to hormones. Some people are born with DNA issues that weaken certain things like collagen and or may have sensitivities caused by pollutants from the womb. BPD can be inherited by trauma imprints. Remember we were eggs inside out grandmothers as we grow in our mothers ovaries. Trauma and adrenaline of the maternal lineage massively impacts the DNA and psyche. Your "BPD" may be an inherited thyroid issue or endocrine burnout from a grandmothers situation also. War/Poverty/domestic abuse. There are many factors that could be at play. Mind body and spirit

[@fl3693]

@@wilsal2485 I typed a whole reply and it disappeared. Basically there are many factors We are eggs inside out grandmothers as we develop DNA in our mothers eggs. e can have inherited trauma imprints. War/Poverty/Domestic violence trauma can be held and passed this way. Thats why alcoholism can skip generations. There is also a massive issue with sufferers of mental health conditions whom are actually having totally undiagnosed reactions due to genetic weakness to hormone fluctuations. Hormones for some woman set of an unbridled personality highjack they have no idea this is happening as are not encouraged to even track or examine this possibility as modern medicine is really sexist. Full moons also trigger migrines for some re sensitivities to blood volume increase and paracites procreate on full moon and they might live in the blood brain or lungs or stomach and that may have invaded the immune system . This hormone balance fluctuation re depression becomes apparent as when pregnant there can be stabilisation or worsening of symptoms. Also the grossly understudied post partum issues re depression expemplify this Unfortunately because hormones mostly effect woman there has been massive undervaluation of research of the severity of this issue for sue humans. Many many illnesses (Covid 19 most recently) have a hormone protection factor. Its a mixture of mind, body, spirit. Trauma can happen from conception. A lot of people have no idea about the mind state of the mother and father and their stresses at the time of conception as many people in past generations were mind controlled into compete denial of their true feelings due to survival mechanisms and learned programming. Also we are subjected to a lot of endocrine disruptive chemicals daily. Some souls simply arrive here feeling "seperated" and unless you have a very tuned in parent that can get a lot worse. We are at the first tine i history where people are able to express this feeling of separation and grief. For some the answers are in their PTSD history and for others its a more complex biological and hidden or spiritual issue.

[@AshJae]

Wow, yes it's true. I always described myself as having multiple personalities as a joke before this was even a talked about thing.

[@ririimari]

I feel like I am still a child at 35. I feel everything so intensely that I wish I wasn't here. I dissociate or lash out in anger, and feel like a different person from one minute to the next.

[@Jaclyn_Zen]

Same 🥺💜

[@YTKion]

❤

[@starboy2013]

Make sure you can differentiate between Chemical and emotional. You are saying you can't self regulate.

[@laurahowe9785]

Same age, same feeling.

[@TheoEclipse]

Same here. I think without proper therapy and treatment BPD people are a lot more delayed in their emotional maturity.

[@itseemedtoher8053]

Really really impressed by this Dr. She's warm but focused; and emotionally detached in a way that demands respect. And when you need help like this, you don't need a friend or a cold clinician. You need someone you can count on to be kind and in control.

[@sandrameza1644]

I think we all demand respect. This doctor did not help the client any by minimized the effects of the parent hitting her. Client shared that was the first time she remembers clawing her self and making herself bleed. And the doctor rephrased it as "challenging".

[@rennieb_me]

@@sandrameza1644 I agree with @itseemedtoher 150% but you make a valid point. In fact, that phrase also struck me when it was said but I put it in perspective I think. Given this singular, initial meeting...under these circumstances (an educationally-driven super deep dive in only an hour with a veteran patient who is candid, knowledgeable, has excellent introspect and emotional intelligence) how many people would have been able to keep up? I don't expect that I would have and only hope to have that degree of conscious-conscientious-presence in my own interactions. She was right there with the patient during all but one of many turns in a very brief but complexed account of her experience. In fact, though she might never see her again, she zeroed in on tools that might help the patient forward for now. Given time, I expect that suitable attention would be given for all aspects of the patient's experiences. I was really impressed at the stealth and efficacy exhibited by the therapist and the self-awareness and transparency of the patient as well.

[@EllaWatson]

@@sandrameza1644 I agree with @RennieB. I think the purpose of this video was to be educational and to give broad strokes of what borderline personality disorder looks like within 1 hour. I don't think the idea was to really necessarily counsel her a lot as much as educate the world. Also, just for my own experiences with some crazy s***, you want a therapist that is there and present with you but you don't necessarily want one that is freaking out or one that overdramatizes your own drama. I will always appreciate therapist you could talk to me very straightforwardly about the severity of the situation but calmly to let me know it wasn't the end. I've had doctors sort of play down things with terms like "challenging" or "not optimal" or "difficult" but nevertheless conveyed their understanding of the situation through other nonverbal signs. I think this doctor did this is a very classic way, with dipping of the head, flexing of hands, eye contact, etc. especially for what's supposed to be an educational video.

[@sandrameza1644]

@@EllaWatson True, I agree with you there. But it might educate us on the subtle but fine art of listening.

[@Karen-mu7fq]

Agree. I don't think emotional detachment in a clinician demands respect. To me this is a very sad interview based upon pathologizing someone in great pain. The expert looks at the interviewee like she's a specimen. Tabula rasa face is a thing of the past--or it should be, anyway. I don't see this as a strengths based interview.

[@leeartlee915]

What a generous person to allow herself to be filmed during a session/intake/evaluation. Not only for the general public but for other clinicians to learn and improve. I’ve worked with people with BPD and I would be the first to admit that I could do much much better with folks with that diagnosis. Dr. Jacob’s did an amazing job throughout this as well. Thanks.

[@bunniezzz777]

Seeing how she talks, the way she trips over her words as if she’s trying to reassure herself, the jumpiness and lack of eye contact - I see myself there. I see the hurt disparaged and dismissed daughter who only felt safe in her own head

[@JnTmarie]

💜🙏🏻🧘🏻‍♀️your truth is beautiful.

[@map2001luvskitties]

very well put, same

[@2dogmomo885]

Jenny, you are absolutely correct. It’s exactly how I act. God bless her. I’m sitting here in my car waiting to go inside to my therapist. My C-PTSD therapist... and there is a pit in my stomach

[@whendoigettosayfuck]

WE can balance our energy centers and cure these problems.I am doing it and winning.

[@nicoleshaffer1816]

Thank you, !! I truly appreciate the willingness to share your story. Hearing your story brought freedom to my n

[@derwolf7721]

BPD people are usually tough and intelligent, but they can be vulnerable to their own bewilderment. BPD individuals tend to have unstable identities. Therefore, the individual may make a plan in one particular mind frame or mood, and then find difficulty carrying it forward because they unconsciously migrate out of that mind frame into another one that is not congruent with the mindset that made the plan. Dissociation is a part of this cycle. It's the constant phasing in and out. It's very important that the BPD individual stays grounded to present reality. This can be accomplished through simply using the 5 senses in the moment, not necessarily all at once. For example, name 5 things you see, 4 things you are touching, 3 things you are hearing, 2 things you are smelling, etc. This exercise actively brings the mind back to current reality. It pulls you out of ruminating thought patterns. BPD folks usually have depression in some form. They don't feel good much of the time. I personally feel that it's really a condition of someone who is born very sensitive and intelligent and then encounters significant trauma, neglect and abuse. Research supports my opinion, although I have seen references indicting that not all Borderlines were abused, however, it is extremely prevalent in the vast majority of cases. Be strong, BPD People! You are special, unique, and the world wouldn't be the same without you!

[@secaucuss7344]

Dissociation is underrated. It's pretty much a form of addiction. With BPD, not controlled or controllable. "Are you here with me" is not a stupid question to someone who is a friend with BPD.

[@human-qp1mf]

My new word is empath. A lot of these people feel EVERYTHING. You have to practice to not take on other people's energy. The trauma is separate. Learning that one thing saved my life. She's smart.

[@C-U-IN-H3LL]

Beautifully put

[@KidsWithGuns1992]

@@secaucuss7344 yeah I always wondered why I was never really “here”. 90% I’m not here. And I realised it’s associated with the BPD

[@mindy9061]

So well written!!! I’m saving this! Thankyou🙏

[@svntn]

the way she says sorry for her stomach making noises or for the person coughin, saying she’d feel bad☹️ i understand this so much. i’m starting to realize i say sorry for things that are way out of my control. my mental health is so fucked. i’m scared of getting a diagnosis. i feel like i can’t be honest with anyone because they’d make fun of me. i’m thinking about everyone going thru anything right now. stay strong.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

I don't know the situation you're in regarding getting made fun of for the diagnosis, and I'm curious why you think people / "anyone" would make fun of you for the diagnosis you might get, but I also think that that's their issue (not yours) and it would be a pity to deprive yourself of a diagnosis that might track you toward the right treatment modalities because of what others think and say.

[@dantei.1194]

Thank you for this. Kindness doesn't cost and sometimes can make or break someone's entire life. Be kind, save lives.

[@svntn]

@@BorderlinerNotes in the past, i’ve been diagnosed with MDD and anxiety and i’ve lost people because of it. i’ve lost friends, family members and pretty much my entire safety net. i’ve also been bullied by myself (if that makes any sense?). i’ve been putting myself down so much that i’ve became paranoid and always feel judge. i hate the fact that i’m like this and i can’t figure out why people would wanna stay close to me and over time, i push those people away. i’m scared of getting a BPD diagnosis since the stigma around it is way bigger than for depression and i’ve already lost so much that i can’t imagine losing whatever i have left.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Of course, we (who run and operate this channel) are not experts or trained in the treatment of mental health diagnoses, so I would never give any real suggestions that I could empirically stand behind. But your above statement makes me curious to understand your perceptions (people with BPD have problems with perceiving interpersonal dynamics and cues) regarding the actions of the people you are describing and their abandoning you based on a diagnosis. Presuming your perceptions are on-point, it doesn't speak well for them. On the second point, who's to say you need tell ANYONE your diagnosis. It is really intended for you so that you can make decisions on where to go for best help and treatment. I am myself a big-mouth, not good at keeping my own secrets. Maybe this is your fate as well and why keeping a diagnosis mum with those near would prove really hard. Needing to tell, if that is something in you, I get it. Anyway, just my 2 cents based on a very personal (and thus biased) experience of not knowing my diagnosis for WAY TOO LONG. This lack of knowledge that would have helped me categorize myself so I could get the right people on board to help, meant losing years of my life to wrong treatments or only partially correct diagnoses that did not address the core problem. You seem curious about what's going on with yourself, and that's so good, to be curious. So I bow down to your curioisty and hope you ultimately find a way to honor (in your own way) the search it leads you on. That is not easy, btw... it may, in fact, be someone's (or many of our) life's work.

[@svntn]

@@BorderlinerNotes thank you so much for this. i’m a big mouth myself lol. i’d honestly feel so much relief to finally have a diagnosis that actually fits how i feel, but i know i would want to scream it out loud so everyone knows. i’ve talked with my social worker since i first made that comment and i’m going to meet with a psychiatrist in 3 weeks to start clearing things up. i’m really anxious, but can’t wait to understand why i feel the way i feel a bit better

[@keepitkawaii4467]

Btw...the connection between abusive mothers and BPD is very common. My mom is a raging malignant narcissist and I developed BPD as a result.

[@adatbh]

Felt this it’s something so common!!

[@cassninetyfour1238]

My mother is a malignant narcissist as well it sucks I see so many friends have amazing relationships with their moms and I am jealous. I’m don’t have BPD myself I have been diagnosed with ADHD but I wish you well and hope the relationships with the rest of your family make you feel loved and supported ❤️

[@HN111]

yess my mom is the same and my older sister had BPD but neither of them believe they have either disorder

[@dwiz_9336]

I am so sorry that this happened to you. Knowing you have BPD is half the battle, i wish you incredible fortune and growth on your road to recovery and healing :)

[@SessmaruKusanagiGaming]

Same... Same..

[@0-w0nderl4nd-0]

I'm 15 minutes in, and feel like I am watching myself speak. This relation, and connection - reminder that *I'm not alone in this* is so appreciated. Words cannot do my gratitude justice. She is so brave for doing this

[@mollyfyna2144]

You are not alone , we are all here to understand ourselves more💞 it's beautiful. Look to the stars and moon always

[@annemariebelcher6931]

Felt that too with exception to the fact my psychiatrist insists I don’t suffer from BPD . Maybe it’s time for a new one? I have Bipolar Disorder 1, depression, insomnia and generalized anxiety.

[@wendybofaz]

I completely related to her. appreciate her ability to put to words what i could not

[@MichelleChafins]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@MichelleChafins]

This is literally me... Thank you Charlotte

[@anonymouse5910]

i watch this in small segments. i stop the video and cry. then i talk to an imaginary therapist, and tell them my "story". then i go back and listen to another segment. and so on.

[@marykelly1723]

I do the same thing. Not sure if that's a good thing bcos I'm reacting to this woman and the therapist on my own. I have difficulty getting a regular therapist for myself. They hear bpd and say no.

[@DavidDouglasZach]

@@marykelly1723 Google "Group therapy for Borderline Personality disorder along with the city you live in and make an appointment tomorrow. That way you can start feeling better. Now quit reading this and go to Google, Mary.

[@marykelly1723]

@@DavidDouglasZach okay! Thank you!

[@dramatriangle]

@@marykelly1723 did you find a group?

[@janedoe-ex5wo]

❤❤❤

[@cocogomez2278]

To the woman on the left. You're not crazy. You have more strength and courage to do this interview than 99.95% of us.

[@measl]

*What you wrote make no sense. What does her "courage" (I submit it's narcissism, not bravery) have to do with crazy>*

[@bbeeez]

@@measl What!?

[@Futurama10000]

No, she's definitely a total nutjob

[@DavidP793]

Omg, you are ridiculous.

[@MrMakingwavesmedia]

she is and not admitting this is helping nobody

[@violetcrownskin]

Wow, how is she reading my mind? All I have ever read or heard about BPD is unkind, clinical and hurtful. This is the first instance of BPD portrayal that feels compassionate. I really relate to this woman and it feels like a little bit of a path to healing seeing another person facing the same issues who is also charming and sweet too like how I also identify. Point after point, I felt "same!" Thanks so much for this. We BPD folks need to see this! Wild!

[@adatbh]

Yess I said this too in my mind !!!

[@allaboutNDIRISH]

they are sweet natured, its the self centeredness that gets the bad rep.

[@peaceandhonesty3516]

People with BPD need to be heard and that's not what happens. Also every woman diagnosed should get checked for Autism. I am Autistic I have never been diagnosed with Borderline personality but I think that all too often women will get a Borderline diagnosis where males in general get diagnosed Autistic in spite of similarly presenting.

[@marcodallolio9746]

Psychiatry is not based on compassion. Many psychiatrists are compassionate, but that is despite their discipline, not because of it.

[@OliviaRoseMusic]

@@peaceandhonesty3516 that's very true, I see similarities in autism and BPD

[@mysticskexis7459]

"I don't think I'm being hard on myself; I think I'm just being honest." I have said that to myself and explained it to others over and over again. Letting myself off-the-hook just hasn't been an option. I know the pain this woman is living with. Just raw.

[@BackFromTheBorderline]

This. So much this. Sending you love and support my friend.

[@cascadehopsrule]

Gotta release the trapped emotions, it's not easy and takes work and time

[@brendamertes9472]

"To have the family I never had. It's just a reminder that I don't have those things" was so, so relevant :( On another note though, this entire interview is better than any award winning film ever.

[@digitalmoonbooks]

Raw and real.

[@janetlee6207]

I relate to so much of this... the drinking, daydreaming about if I had done things differently. You can see how much pain she's dealt with, but at the same time, she seems so self-aware, intelligent, witty, and empathetic. BPDs are complex, sensitive, maybe a lot sometimes... but so special.

[@adatbh]

Yess this is me with bpd I relate to her so much I can’t express emotions normal

[@marleneg7794]

Intelligence isn't a prerequisite for BPD.. but they seem to go hand and hand

[@BrObstreperous]

BPDs are boring when you see through their scripted behaviors. Practicing behavior extinction on them can be fun, though!

[@HomeAtLast501]

And don't forget those all-important OTHER PEOPLE in their lives --- they are a living fricking hell for us.

[@BrObstreperous]

@FlyingMonkies325 If you enable their demons, you're part of the problem.

[@amandashelton1162]

I have friends who have Borderline Personality disorder. They were abused. I use to set and listen to my best friend in highschool who has borderline personality disorder and I cried with her and made her feel loved. It hurt my heart knowing she was abused and she felt like a ugly useless being. She got mental health services and has been doing well. I am honored to have the time with her. I wouldn't have changed it for the world. She taught me things and I am grateful. ❤️ They need love and support. I myself have DID from childhood abuse. I understand deeply.

[@Tov-h3v]

Dr Jay Reid has good videos about the Scapegoat child. JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.

[@Krnflakgrl71]

She is so self aware. It was difficult to watch her be so hard on herself, and I certainly see a lot of myself in her. I wish I could find a therapist that is this wonderful. This is a really great idea- and extremely helpful to people to be able to witness this and draw correlations to their own behavior.

[@cascadehopsrule]

Honest question, what was so great about this therapist.

[@Krnflakgrl71]

@@cascadehopsrule She actually brings the patient out of herself and gets her to look at her behavior objectively. You’d think that most therapists would do this as a basic tenet of psychoanalysis, but, in my experience at least, few do.

[@rickspalding3047]

@@Krnflakgrl71 this is why I have yet to ever go to therapy, it appears most of them are trash. I'm undiagnosed but I would say I'm 42 with cptsd with some overlapping bpd symptoms, I'm going to see if I can setup an edmr appointment, I've been trying to do some trauma release and I took a huge step yesterday. The lady in this video still has absolute rage against her mother and I didn't see the therapist working on healing that whatsoever

[@tinkletink1403]

how can she be self aware without a self?

[@summerbreeze5360]

​@@tinkletink1403people with BPD have a self and sense of self it just more damaged than that of your average person, so they need piles of work

[@ontheborderline2012]

Cutting pain washes away the mental pain of hating yourself. It takes away loathing and the want for death. It's a way to cope and remain alive another day.

[@EllaWatson]

That makes sense. It's like a self harm to replace the emotional torture? An excise of energy? And the deep logic being that any cut will heal faster than the emotional trauma could hope to?

[@ontheborderline2012]

@@EllaWatson The intense physical pain causes my mental anguish to ease. Mental anguish is much worse than self harm to me because it's an itch you can't scratch when I can't find peace. Looping in your mind like a film on repeat to enjoy over and over. I really don't care about healing, pain or the the shame of self harming until I am calm again. Then I deal with it. The pain, the guilt and shame. Then you sleep from the emotional fallout. Painful way to live trust me. I haven't self harmed in 4 months but I have been suicidal which is usually when I do hurt myself usually. That for me is a win. A small one but they all count for us.

[@tonidavis5743]

When you have so much self loathing and blame yourself for everything many times I wish so could separate myself into 2 and take a baseball bat and just beat the shit out of the half Some cut theirselves some of us hit and slap and use things to hit ourselves She is brave to do this interview

[@Samwise_92]

It makes my mind focus on something other than my mind and thoughts

[@stephr2920]

Cutting for me was a way to remind myself I am alive. Being everyone's rock and not allowed to feel, I became numb. I was just a shell. Cutting and seeing life trickle out gave me reassurance.

[@paige99]

As someone with BPD myself, it's kind of relieving to hear someone think the way I think. She thinks of her mental health and traumas so logically and compartmentalized. It's clear she's been over it all and analysed it. And I always felt alone in this. That aha moment when the psych compared cutting to alcoholism. Showing her that sometimes it doesn't all fit neatly in individual boxes. I love those aha moments in therapy. Really really enjoyed this interview. Has been incredibly revealing, insightful and helpful. Thank you both for sharing.

[@peaceandhonesty3516]

Research ASD!

[@Mandy3141]

I want to thank this woman for being honest and vulnerable in front of us.

[@ZFern9390]

Yeah she made me very curious about her age. How she is so genuinely sweet and an open book yet she looks so tired and I recall this characteristic in myself in my teens and late twenties until I wore down by a bad marriage and a bit more trauma added on top of my mother's violent abuse as I was growing up. In my 40s and 50 hahah I'm probably not as sweet probably certainly not an open book about myself anymore. Her tired appearance is really such a mirror of myself at that age. I figure she's about 29 going on 59 .

[@MCP920]

It’s strange watching and listening to her while seeing me. At 61, I can see the progression of my life as if watching a film. There is a wake of destruction and recklessness left behind. It’s quite sad, but at least I can see and acknowledge it. It’s very real.

[@sarahm6234]

Me too!!!!

[@saffloweroyl3663]

Every day we've done the best we could, no matter how shite it seems in retrospect.

[@lisamartin1966]

I am 61 too!!! I feel like crying all the time. And its not for me its bc everyone goes thru so much pain and animals too. My depression has gotten worse over the years despite lots of ECT prescriptions for 30 years I really just wanted you and Heaven with my mom and dad and my cat and dog I'm so glad you said you were 60 morning feel like everything is over thank you thank you and I do I like this girl so much I really do

[@MCP920]

I turned 62 on October 16th. It’s funny receiving your message this morning. I had a doctors appointment today. She asked if I felt depressed and I answered not at all. This is true. I did say I have two 10 year old labradors and a cat that need me. Most people sadly, cannot deal with the chaos of this disorder and at this stage of my life, I’d just as soon not put anyone else through it. I’m loving life with my pets. Once they’re gone, maybe I’ll feel lonely. Hang in there. You’re not alone. ♥️

[@simonkendra3079]

But you made it to 61. Kudos. I’m 30 and I’m honestly out of juice.

[@etiennemarchione2207]

This woman is so brave, so sensitive, kind, and smart. She is doing the hard work she needs to do to beat her demons.

[@VeroSCIA]

"beat her demons" how rude.

[@christyhoehn8244]

@@VeroSCIA - why is that rude? Sounds like an apt description to me.

[@ronswansonsdog2833]

@@VeroSCIA because why? Weird post.

[@MrMakingwavesmedia]

for fuck sake no this is not bravery. Jesus how is her life in danger here? Who is she saving? You seriously disrespect actual brave people by claiming this. She is honest that's it nothing to do with bravery.

[@kahlodiego5299]

Very few borderlines can afford the kind of treatment they need.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

We know. So so true and just plain awful. That's why this channel - the little bit we can contribute to trying to democratize some kind of access to quality information.

[@kahlodiego5299]

@@BorderlinerNotes The only reason I ever had periods of wellness is because I lived in NYC in the eighties and attended open AA meetings constantly.

[@ctrabon]

Agree

[@realmofoz]

Yes. I go to the regular therapist because it's really my only option being on disability. Thankfully, I have done a lot of self therapy on my own with DBT and CBT books. Me being at my therapist is like talking to someone I don't really know about all of these issues and they ask me what do you plan to cook for dinner tomorrow.....I'm like WAY out of their level of consciousness it's ridiculous. I've had incidents where they didn't know what to say. Literally for minutes, sitting there awkwardly. No offer of a solution or further progression of exploring why I feel the way I feel. I know more about my disorder than they do 99% of the time. I have a spouse that pretty much doesn't want to talk about anything. Anytime I bring up an issue it's my fault because I am BPD. So I am just suffering in silence and tend to isolate myself just because it's easier than to deal with people and have conflict, only for it to be blamed on me, as if no one else can be to blame. So over time I have become one of the "silent BPD's" which it used to not be that way. I used to be very abusive and destructive at one point in time. No more seeking attention as I have accepted my BPD and worked through a lot of my problems. Me getting attention isn't going to fix the problem. What's been most effective has been "radical acceptance" of what is, however it's made me a little jaded to be honest. I still feel empty and lost. Which I don't think will ever go away. Suicidal but not acting, and there is nothing I can do about it but just feel it. Medication isn't going to fix it. I can say I am medication free, besides taking some sleeping meds and Dramamine for anxiety when I get histrionic. No caffeine, or alcohol either. I think one trait that really didn't fit too much with me is impulsive behavior other than anger. I have an insane amount of self-control when it's not fueled by anger. I was never into self-medicating with drugs, or spending $ (probably because I didn't have $ for either). Supposedly I am Diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar. They couldn't make up their minds because I have traits from both groups, enough to get the diagnosis, plus I was raised by my mother who is Bipolar ( the rest of my moms side is Bipolar, or Schizo) and my stepfather who raised me was from my perspective is a Narcissist with BPD or just a very extreme case of undiagnosed BPD. On top of it I have multiple physical medical issues. So it's been a rough life for me. But it is what it is.

[@rose4490]

@@realmofoz I appreciate what you're saying.

[@gabrieltanguay9695]

The unabashed honesty of this poor, strong woman is commendable. And that doctor - such a beacon of what a mental health professional should be. I appreciate having watched this so much.

[@Brandi_Hill]

This girl is a true trailblazer to put herself out theee like this. So brave. Wow. 🙏🥰

[@williegates627]

BPDers WANT the attention. The DSM states this explicitly. The interviewee plays a part for attention, and obviously gets it. There's nothing wrong with that in that it is a symptom of the disease. But it's not bravery. It's a symptom that, if she was well, she would feel like we all do about doing this type of thing. It's not bravery at all.

[@MJ95630]

@@williegates627 Interesting. Thank you for that.

[@SassySW]

I thought the exact same thing, the first few minutes into the video. Once I realized this person is an actual person reliving this experience (not an actor) it’s absolutely BRAVE. So grateful for her sharing this with us❤️💙💜💚

[@exovit6348]

@@williegates627 thats not true. I have BPD. not true at all. Youre thinking of Histrionic

[@JayJasperLondon]

Wait.. This sounds like a script, I don’t think it’s an actual real life interview

[@LuxMeow]

This is the most raw interview I've come across and never related to someone more in my life, even though there are a lot of differences between us. Found this super intense and it's not even my session. People with borderline have a ton of courage, more than they'll ever realize and some of the biggest hearts on this planet despite what people may see. 💛

[@queenofthebutterflies5212]

They make the best artisits/musicians, etc :) - absolutely, tons of courage

[@queenofthebutterflies5212]

@D Wilson 🙏 Bless you. You have described it so succinctly, I'm going to copy and paste what you have written, with your permission, so I can explain to ppl what the fuck is wrong with me. Thankyou so much 💗

[@scott1285]

Super brave as they manipulate and hurt everyone around them.

[@starboy2013]

Look up soft white underbelly.

[@joshodonnell2270]

@@scott1285 hands down the most insensitive comment i have seen (particularly since its contextually inappropriate, being the comments section for a therapy session) but also the most ignorant as well. Surely you're an intelligent and capable human being, I have no doubt. Some compassion may help you. Legitimately not being sarcastic here btw.

[@lisaeischens2352]

This woman seems like such a sweetheart who’s very hard on herself even though she’s perfectly lovely and also very intelligent as well.

[@donlubin2463]

Sadly that’s the way we are with BPD

[@doreenplischke7645]

We never show ‘real’ ppl who suffer from Borderline in such aspect...vulnerable. It is a very complex phenomenon. I believe it is so helpful to show this because of the invaluable information it holds. The stigma is sooo strong. And very crude. Thanks for making a difference.

[@garrettmathews3901]

Huge thanks to this woman for being so open and vulnerable on such a huge platform to help people really understand what BPD can look like and come from. All the best to her

[@MrMakingwavesmedia]

You are born with it nothing causes it and people who keep blaming it on other's never overcome it.

[@garrettmathews3901]

@@MrMakingwavesmedia well ok, you definitely CAN be born with it, but I don’t think we know enough about psychology to definitively say that that’s the only way it comes around. Mayo Clinic says that childhood trauma (which I’m sure she has plenty of) as well as changes in the brain throughout life (which may or may not be genetic) are also possible factors in developing a disorder like this. I think ultimately it’s just important to be supportive, and telling people that they’ll never get over something like this doesn’t seem like a great approach.

[@erictim9052]

@@MrMakingwavesmedia lol good on you

[@alx383d]

jesus, you aren't born with it, stop it , you might have some predispositions to it, but this doesn't mean you will automatically be bpd. Stop spreading this fake assumption.@@MrMakingwavesmedia

[@alx383d]

you seems to have a fixation with this, might be a trauma..@@MrMakingwavesmedia

[@ginpye2002]

Dr. Jacob is such a great example of what a therapist should be like. I really enjoyed seeing the process and I appreciate how vulnerable the client was. This is therapy in real life. No cliches or stereotypes... Just real.

[@krumplethemal8831]

She looks so sad, almost seems permanently sad. Heart breaking that some humans have it so much harder. Life's dice can be cruel .

[@lj9524]

My heart goes out to this young, brave, tortured soul. I can feel her pain. For those of us who weren’t nurtured as children suffer our entire lives. We also don’t have children because we have such bad memories from our childhood we are afraid to pass it on to children of our own. This is so sad.....

[@louistulloch1159]

...healing is possible.

[@xxx-su2ty]

Same, I want a child so bad but feel like I can’t allow myself to repeat the cycle.

[@peterbaker1879]

I have BPD, and as an adolescent thought I should never get married or have kids because they would be messed up like me...I had a couple of teenage suicide attempts cause I couldnt cope with the pain of living...I was constantly berated by my parents...nothing I did was ever right, or good enough...I still think poorly of myself at age 61, and never have been married or had any children..

[@lotuswolf1518]

My life Narcisitic toxic parents

[@queenbee3647]

My mom loved to see how abusive she could be with everyone! Neighbors, friends, kids, her family. Nurture wasnt in her nature yet she had five kids. I desperately wanted kids but was infertile for 13 years. I finally shocked the doctors and had my daughter! I adore her. I NEVER asked my mother for her help or advice. I thought what should you do since you love her more than anyone or I would do the opposite of what my mom would do. It worked. She and I are extremely close. Im her rock. Im bragging on her but shes pretty, intelligent, accomplished, has two degrees, has a great job. Im so proud of her!

[@ermo5623]

I could watch/listen to Charlotte all day. She’s so real and genuine. She knows that sometimes all you can do is laugh at yourself. I love how she sees through a lot of the hokey therapy talk, but is still open to exploring ideas and learning. I find her really interesting & I hope she continues to feel better.

[@bw6148]

I recognize that tiredness in her eyes. I hope she can accept how worthy she is and retire overthinking.

[@casman9635]

Well, she seems pretty awesome to me. Going through life like this already sucks. But then to talk about it out loud really sucks, and then to willingly do it on camera? That's a testament to this girl. She probably has no idea how many people couldn't do this like she did. I know I couldn't. But I'm glad she did. Thank you. And I hope it helped you (her), and you (the current reader).

[@sm3296]

Watching Dr Gabor Mate speak about early childhood trauma, has been so helpful to me as a mother. I can see how my childhood experiences affected me as a mother and now see why my relationships with my adult kids are the way they are. I also see how my parents experiences as children impacted them as parents. I recommend anyone to read or watch Dr Mate. This young woman is very sweet, and I hope she knows that her father loves her no matter what and her not calling wouldn’t affect that. He will be at peace and hope she is too.

[@satrjking]

I was physically and narc abused by my mum. Grandma was a very difficult woman. I watched Dr Bashir videos helped me a lot. I'll have a look at your recommendations x

[@weefrasey1]

There's an itense sadness in her eyes, she can smile and laugh but the sadness never leaves. As someone who also has BPD, I can entirely relate with that feeling.

[@heidiedwards6951]

Grief is something western culture really misses the mark on addressing. This is grief! I’ve seen it in my family. Grief is an ugly emotion that we need to address and come together as a community. We are not a community. We need community.

[@toyotasupra97]

Yes you’re expected to get over it quickly and get back to capitalist production and pretending everything is fine all the time.

[@Zoomo2697]

“God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down.” ― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

[@76adrienne]

We sweep it under the rug. Emotions others don’t understand, get the broom. Feelings you can’t explain? Get the broom

[@Wilshare]

AGREE....AND FEELING SAFE...SAFE ENOUGH TO BE HEARD...GOOD INSITE HEIDI

[@Zoomo2697]

@@Wilshare “All our anxieties relate to time. The major problems of psychiatry revolve around an analysis of the despair, pessimism, melancholy, and complexes that are the inheritances of what has been or with the fears, anxieties, worries, that are the imaginings of what will be.” Fulton J sheen :)

[@MoonlightSam4]

This is real and raw. I see so much self-awareness with her and I thank her for being vulnerable and sharing her story. As a clinician in training...I’m watching Dr. Karen in AWE. She’s amazing and astute.

[@SuperNaturalselector]

Self awareness comes easy when you have spent your entire life talking about yourself. She isn't vulnerable, this is how she gets what she wants. I watched my ex BPD trick one clinician after another. If that is your goal, I suggest you leave your emotional reaction at the door. She is a master at using it as a control method.

[@Mom2Goldens]

@@SuperNaturalselector you sound like you're mad she left you. Always bitter dudes who have the worst opinions about BPD.

[@SuperNaturalselector]

@@Mom2Goldens Far from it. There is definitely animosity regarding damage she did to me and the children. But I'm the one that filed for divorce. Her absence from our lives has been the one great thing that has ever happened.

[@xiomanaxoxoxo3212]

It’s pretty normal to dig your nails into your skin when your primary care giver is disfunctioning it’s a way of coping with the trauma of this out of control person who’s supposed to be nurturing you . Many people fail at their roles but a mother , can completely ruin you when she fails . The strength of fortitude you need to be outside of yourself and to protect yourself is enormous , since it seems no one is coming to the rescue .

[@Jess-kn8vl]

This reminds of when I was in high school, I was at work and breifly talked to my abusive ex boyfriend on the phone. When I went to the bathroom after I had scratch marks from my throat down to my chest. I had done it while talking to him without even realizing it.

[@mscarolynnigro]

I completely agree

[@jenneyryan1083]

Never allow anyone to physically or mentally abuse you. No human has that right to hurt others.😱

[@growoldwithme5733]

Yup, I did it as well. Became a habit. It was my only way of responding to the trauma to avoid emotional shut down. (Not feeling anything after the incident.)

[@palmbalm]

its not normal. dont say that

[@sigmarecovery699]

I am a man with BPD. Depression and suicidal ideation began in childhood. Both parents were well educated, intellectual, and sadistic. There is no compassion for men with deep emotions. Zero. I remember having dreams as a little kid. I was gentle…..used to tuck in my two stuffed dinosaurs before I went to school (I was worried they would get cold). I am 48…..I still cannot accept the tragedy of my existence and the malevolence I have known. Raped by a man at 16. Been physically abused in most of my romantic relationships with women. When I say abuse, I mean things like having my head split open, drug by a car, threatened with knives, punched, slapped, kicked in the groin, shoved…….unfortunately, agreeableness coupled with heightened empathy as a man doesn’t work in this world. No idea how two jackals like my parents produced an empath. There was the life I could or should have had……however, I have to radically accept just how scarred and broken I am. Drugs almost killed me. Yeah, I am really tired of therapists.

[@tiasara5967]

The fact that you tucked your dinosaurs in and worried for their welfare is the sweetest thing l’ve ever heard. ❤

[@lisaproustresearch]

@sigmarecovery699 How could you be so sweet to protect the dinosaurs? That is so cute !! I hope you can find peace in whatever you choose to do. I find peace in being alone. There is no chaos, no expectations & I can rely on myself. Relying on others is impossible for me. I know I will be let down, so why even open myself to be disappointed? I never went to therapy because I knew I would feel like you do... NOBODY can truly understand, and how can it be undone? Fixed? HOW?. Some of our memories are hidden by our subconcious in order to cope. We use tools to avoid feeling pain (humour, logically diminishing the importance, not remembering, etc.) So NOBODY can truly fix if we don't disclose and disclosure is painful.

[@brandonf5558]

Friend, I recommend prayer. Your life is too valuable to be defined by the terrible things that have happened to you. Look to Jesus. I wish I could explain all that He’s done for me.

[@meow-rh5to]

Hope ur doing ok today

[@romepix]

I don’t know if this will sound helpful or not but I had a female version of some of the feelings and experiences you described and I found out that I was “Aspergers” version of autism and how SA for women and men and abusive relationships and abuse from parents were recorded in super high incidences. The sensitivity and kindness to even inanimate objects as a child was so relatable. Of course I’m not trying to diagnose you but the last couple years of healing from all this has really helped me. I lost my late husband 6 years ago and barely recovered from that - I believe he was borderline frok Severe childhood abuse and his family was and is very narcissistic - it makes me so sad he is not here to heal and that I couldn’t “save him” and that I neglected my own accountability in my own life - instead focusing on others in true alanon codependent fashion - which looks “altruistic” on paper but I now know was run on fear, selfishness, and having abusive neglectful parents who were also abused. Finding out some answers about myself had helped me really work hard on my self but also find happiness as well. Had to go no contact with some people but I only did therapy for a few years. I believe that not every issue is treatable per se but many more than we expect can be healed or vastly improved. Life is still hard and things still hurt but I feel like my own person now finally. I think I narrowly avoided bpd but the sensory processing issues never being respected plus grief and toxic relationships and domestic violence gave me total burnout for a few years. I’ve had some bad abuse from some borderlines but they were narcissistic also, had some comorbidities. They were also some of the people I loved most. Creating boundaries with people who don’t have them or have trouble respecting others boundaries helps a lot, and sometimes going no contact for however long is needed helps too. ❤️it’s late and I’m rambling 😊

[@brielleanyez7113]

I wish to God there was Free treatment for borderlines! My ex of 7 years was one and unless you've seen it up close, there are no words. These people suffer so much it's insane. Its heartbreaking.

[@chiefinspector7280]

yeah but they make you suffer more!!

[@colywogable]

@@chiefinspector7280 They're sadistic.

[@MrMakingwavesmedia]

There is it's called taking responsibility for yourself.

[@charki40]

I was at first considered BPD, but I knew I was not. Yes I come from a trauma background but I do not feel like hurting myself or find my self worth dependent in others. I am independent and am primarily triggered by aggression, sexual covertness and am very sensitive about personal boundaries. I am now diagnosed with C-PTSD. I am Aboriginal Australian and part of the Stolen Generation. The stigma and misunderstanding attributed to those who suffer deeply from BPD face such in-sensitivities and cruelty from service providers and society. This is such an extraordinary insight and professional relationship. The TRUST to even have this here says so much. Thank You Both.

[@mackenzietucker4292]

same with me!

[@Some_kind_of_wonderfü]

As a professional myself, I loved this clinician’s style! It was very effective without being enabling. I think the avoidance behavior was really eye opening for the client 🙏

[@sailing9802]

curious as to what would have made it enabling...

[@faustopf-.]

This is extremely sad, I really feel for her. Your regret of not leaving your mom as soon as posible just made a huge click in my mind. I'm already in this process. Thank you so much for all your wisdom, and I really hope you're doing well

[@ZFern9390]

I recall feeling at 13 , 14 and up, " I gotta get outta this house" I knew I had to get a job at 15 and save enough money to get the hell out or something would go sideways and someone is going to get really hurt or end up dead under my mom's violent rage and unadulterated stupidity.

[@Light-sf7tj]

Watching her helps me understand what people might be seeing when they're interacting with me. She is so lovely xoxo. I need to be kinder to myself if anything her energy feels so sad and unheard.

[@cathrynclover]

I have stopped talking to my toxic af “parents” and I have truly healed so much. Holidays are still hard because It is painful knowing your family isn’t all together. I don’t know if this “avoidance” but is the healthiest coping I can do. My siblings that still talk to them seem upset and hurt and disappointed constantly. But if you don’t let go and keep thinking about what “could” or “should” have been or be you will grieve. You truly have to accept. I do believe the human experience is something we signed up for and suffering is in the fine print.

[@sailing9802]

she affects a rich girl, party girl image that, yes, is childish. If she wants a child she is nearly out of time. The contrast btw. her and the therapists, who aren't all that much older, is striking.

[@user-ty3oc5ph5e]

Realest comment here.

[@puppiestgirl]

forgive your family, the way I look at it is out of all the people in the world why wouldnt you forgive the people that have been there since day 1, the people that brought you in this world. they are not perfect, but they deserve mercy and grace

[@toyotasupra97]

@@puppiestgirl not if their continued presence in your life is harmful. You can forgive sure, but you don’t need to have them around.

[@puppiestgirl]

@@toyotasupra97 harmful or hard?

[@vickitri5712]

This is heart breaking. How this gal has suffered from traumatic experiences in her childhood. Most likely raised by parents that had their own wounding and were not able to meet her emotional needs starting from birth. This is someone who cannot get themselves together even though they desperately want too. So many unmet needs at a young age contributes to these types of problems that she faces. Those wounds are so raw to the soul.. it’s hard to function. Bless her heart.

[@KJ-kv7of]

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after my dad died as well. It triggered the worst time of my life. The way she criticizes herself when she talks about being a better daughter, and she says it's not a judgment it's the truth, I dont think people get that borderlines genuinely believe their critiques of themselves are the truth. And that's why we're capable of causing ourselves so much pain.

[@Paulie_Geelie]

I get why it's something a person needs to be able to let go of, and heal from, so that they won't make the same mistakes again, but she didn't mention how she told her dad to "rot". I don't think it's wrong to acknowledge that she maybe wasn't a good daughter, because you can both have been a bad daughter, and still be worthy of forgiveness. I feel like saying she is being too hard on herself for saying and doing these things to her father would be excusing the bad things she did, and I don't think diminishing bad behaviors is doing anyone any favors. I was on the receiving end of this treatment, my ex would tear into me when she got mad, and no matter how much I apologized, or tried to calm her down, nothing would work, until she finally just tired herself out, and came back down to earth. But by that point she already called me disgusting, worthless, she told me she hated me, she told me she is worse for knowing me, and so much more. And I'm sure you're thinking I had to have done something horrible to prompt such a response, but no. All I did was ask her if she packed her toothbrush. It was late at night, she said she was tired, so I asked her if she had her toothbrush so we can wash up and go to bed. She somehow assumed I was saying her breath was bad, and that I think she's gross, so she got angry, so she tore into me, and in her mind it was entirely justified, because I made her feel bad on purpose. She was not a good girlfriend, and nobody can and should tell her she did her best, or she's being too hard on herself for thinking that. She was awful, I literally lost a patch of hair due to the stress of the relationship. And yes, I care about her, and I want her to heal and move on, and grow, as much as anybody else in the world can want that for someone, but I just can't lie, she was a horrible partner, and I can't forgive her unless she accepts what she did wrong, and make meaningful changes to be better.

[@rileystonge]

In my interviewing and counseling class, we just learned how to gently confront a client or point out discrepancies in their words. Dr. Jacob does this so gracefully and effortlessly, like at 38:30 when she draws the parallel between self-harm and alcoholism.

[@blue-ch7ik]

I can really relate to this girl. Also I would love to have Dr. Karen as a therapist. She has such a comforting tone to her voice.

[@sar-kr1gs]

I totally agree! She seems nice.

[@MichaelMandis]

I hope she finds her peace.

[@thechronicnoizeco.6675]

It’s such a relief when the holidays are over.

[@mellowyellow8871]

As I listen to her story, it is shocking how similar our lives are. If you ever read these comments just know that you are not alone and we can make it in this world. Thank you for sharing your story. Your grace is unmatched and you give so much to the psych community by letting others see this.

[@EllaWatson]

Seriously, she is a real hero to recognize she needed help and to get it, not to mention to do this video to help others. The mental health stigma is so ridiculous-- in avoiding facing ones demons, people only make it worse. Thank you to these women for helping us understand boarder line disorder a bit more.

[@sandrameza1644]

Did anybody else hear she was traumatized by parent hitting her, when she started hurting herself ? The effects of trauma make for coping mechanisms that separated us from our true value.

[@sandrameza1644]

When we have restrictions or limiting factors of trauma, we are not at our best authentic self. That's when we feel we are not good enough because we sense we know better but didn't do better. We naturally blame ourselves but we are not functioning as freely as trauma has lasting effects into cognition and function abilities.

[@rose4490]

Yes, I heard, because my mother is my abuser.

[@sandrameza1644]

@@rose4490 The reason I think its important to recognize early childhood trauma, is because it is so important for a real therapeutic interaction to occur. I'm sure we don't want to just view what a person looks like or how they present without understanding what the person is saying. When the doctor changed the words to her feedback, there was a divided integration between the interaction. Such subtle things can have a huge effect on an already vulnerable client. Unbelieved.

[@ladydianacamargo6787]

Hittting can be used as discipline or trauma , this depends on the relationship between child and parent along with the execution. I think being disciplined is the goal.

[@mscarolynnigro]

My mother's default emotion when she couldn't understand me was rage

[@marielfalk4537]

I have this disorder and when she said she felt like a turtle without a shell--raw, I started crying. Yes, that is how it feels.

[@amybaldyga3057]

I’ve heard bpd as having emotions that have 3rd degree burns. This is another good comparison.

[@giantessmaria]

that was such a beautiful interaction... sincerity, compassion, trust, honesty... its rare to witness something so completely unpretentious anymore....

[@scratch5191]

I love this woman. I don't think I have ever revealed myself to any therapist in my entire life. That includes a half dozen states where I saw practitioners for decades. A lot stays in hospitals. I've always edited myself. By posting this I learned to be more attentive about dbt, and being honest isn't going bring shame on my parents lol. It's pretty much pointless to go to a session with your toes in the water. Take the plunge.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Plunge plunge. (heart emoji)

[@wangdoodlemisanthrope3020]

A half dozen states where you saw practitioners for decades? Are you a vampire? LOL

[@MJ95630]

@@wangdoodlemisanthrope3020 Huh?

[@wangdoodlemisanthrope3020]

@@MJ95630 If the OP of the comment had seen a half dozen (which is six) practitioners for decades (which is the plural of a decade which is ten years) they would have to be at least 120 years old. And that is minimum.

[@dubsbarry9963]

@@wangdoodlemisanthrope3020 he never said a half dozen decades.

[@smack7589]

I can relate to her just watching her speak. We’re hurting but still sweet and charming to the person in front of us. We see ourselves in relation to others. That’s why we ruminate so much on the abuse we experienced, and then the painful relationships we got into that further hurt us. She rationalises the drinking because her life experience tells her it’s fun and her dad drank and he was the better parent, she even speaks about it with a more comfortable language because she clearly has learned to depend on it. Borderlines hold very strong internal principles that are not always right but we hold onto it. I’m learning to own the painful parts of myself as a true part of myself. Seeing it as part of me and to stop waiting for an apology and acknowledgment from the abuser. All we can do is love ourselves better, as difficult as that is when you were always taught to hate and criticise yourself 🌺

[@realestateandvibes]

Woah PwBPD here. I could guess her responses like I was there. She sounds just like me and why I struggle with therapist. This isn't her 1st time with this doctor but I have the same energy, am well spoken, and my mannerisms lead each one to think "she's not that bad" when I'm on the inside doing circles and needing them to ask me more direct probing questions like this. I learned over the years all psychiatrist and therapist are sooo not created equally. Keep going until you find one that speaks to all of the yous inside. Great video!!

[@llewynmitchell8602]

This felt like therapy for me in and of itself with how relatable Charlie was.

[@ProactiveResilience]

Individuals with borderline are so well spoken and insightful ... I think this interview cracked the core about how maladaptive coping mechanisms and avoidance still prevent intimacy, and protect from the pain of lack of intimacy ... Another big insight I see is how they don't let the counselor or other person in a conversation finish their sentences. They are attuned, and good at finishing the other person's sentences, but it still distances them from fully listening, and connecting with the other person in THAT way, which is like meeting them in the middle. They don't want to meet in the middle, actually connect. It's terrifying. 🤔 Another insight is INTENSE shame, around matters they can't take back. Bpd is one of the toughest disorders, in my opinion, for those inflicted and their loved ones... Wishing everyone out there struggling all the peace and love in the world. Good luck.

[@peaceandhonesty3516]

I believe many many women are diagnosed with BPD whilst same presenting men get an Autism diagnosis.

[@tn420animations9]

Um no tbh I think I'm a bad guy.

[@tn420animations9]

I'm a "manipulator"

[@jimdugan3850]

@jcorb What are these simpler terms?

[@Briangreen701]

I like this lady, she has a lot of personality,she's just been beaten down in life like a lot of us.Hope she's doing ok.

[@fionageddes4451]

Every single thing this lady is saying is me and my life 100%. I’m so thankful for her candid account of her life. Thank you so much x

[@chrissilver8461]

People call me selfish when I am triggered and want to self-protect. I know I can be selfish, but calling someone with BPD selfish, seems like a disparaging, invalidating, oversimplification of what is going on in me. Does anyone else feel this?

[@shelliejones434]

COMPLETELY feel you on that

[@goodmorningsundaymorning4533]

Nobody wants to be called selfish. It's not a disorder to not want to be called selfish.

[@floor5188]

People shouldn't be calling you selfish. Dealing with triggers is so difficult. I've struggeled a lot with a borderline partner that would be triggered by so many things that the whole relationship was like walking on eggshells. I hope they now have the tools to work better with being triggered, as we didn't knew anything about BPD for the majority of the relationship

[@heidiperez3417]

💯

[@sarahm6234]

Absolutely....I have learned that it's almost like self preservation. I spent months and months in hospitals, and IT'S, DBT classes, etc... I finally can recognize when or what "triggers" me. I'm doing very well, minus forgiving myself for being absent during my kids school years and my ex-husband worked overseas chasing the almighty dollar. My kids took the brunt of it. Back on track here (BPD issue for me is I'm all over the board...lol) I can recognize unhealthy situations for me and I can't go back to wanting to be dead. Therefore, I've told people that if I have to excuse myself from somewhere or stop a conversation, it's about me and to not take it personally. It's ok to take care of yourself first.....and you shouldn't apologize or feel guilty to do that. It took me years to understand that. Hang in there!!!!

[@surfergirl2943]

What a beautiful authentic soul. I so appreciate her braveness and courage to be able to sit and speak so honestly, I really truly appreciate this as I didn’t know much about BPD.

[@MrMakingwavesmedia]

Sorry no this is not bravery. Putting your own life at risk for others is bravery. You are deluded if you think this is bravery.

[@surfergirl2943]

@@MrMakingwavesmedia I think there are vary degrees of bravery , I mean ya you can’t compare risking your life to something such as this - I am stating that opening yourself up to judgement and criticism is s form of bravery, it’s s subjective term lol . Of course I am VERY aware that putting your life at risk to save another, is not comparable to this! I am actually not deluded either 😊but I respect your opinion either way .

[@leighcostain8812]

Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. It's so helpful to make me feel less alone

[@charlemixon]

That's how I feel too, but I see it shared in the comments like yours. You're not alone, we're all being vulnerable together. -c

[@deejamieson]

One thing struck me harder than most in this interview, and that is when Charlotte briefly talks about her handwriting changing. Woah! That hit home. I have never heard anyone else talk about it.

[@Eccovi]

I see myself in her. I’m a senior in high school right now and I’m terrified to grow up like this, I don’t want to end up in that position. It’s actually SUCH an amazing accomplishment that she got to this place, it’s a lonely and tough road so kudos to her for making it.

[@annalizevermaak1594]

Amanda! I wish this will help. Please be gentle with yourself! I also struggle, but I am 60. Please be careful and get support! ❤️

[@RobbieNewell]

Get whatever resources services you can welfare food stamps section 8 no shame bc if you have family that undermine you or no stable relationships with them you will need to be your safe space and create your safe space and have your safe space.

[@buckshot_honeymoon]

i have borderline and she's a great representative of our people. Thanks, girl.

[@cameliaancacoca4013]

Thank you Charlie for being so open and raw. Also Dr. Karen was very assertive in connecting the dots. Enormous thank you to both ❤️. I've said it before this channels literally builds a better society.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Ohhh... You make my/our day/night/week/month/year for your words. Thank you for saying what you said. So so glad you feel we are putting out good in the world.

[@dawnemile7499]

I do not agree that the psychiatrist was sufficiently assertive.

[@barbh1665]

@@BorderlinerNotes pp

[@charlemixon]

@@BorderlinerNotes I told you, Rebbie!!! You're doing all the things you were intending to do! Making the world a better place, one BPD film at a time. Also, these comment sections aren't nearly as terrifying as I expected so I can't wait to jinx myself by writing this

[@wendybesse90]

"Its so impossible to put something back together once I've been mad" - true statement when a bpd rages

[@rkim2457]

Lemme just say, I love the girl who is being interviewed! I don't know you but I'm proud of you. This isn't an easy illness to begin with but I can see all the work you've put into yourself.

[@thehighpriestess8431]

This is the best video I have found on how BPD really works. People with BPD have their own brand of it. We are all different and there are not two BPD sufferers alike. For sure. Thank you Dr. Karen Jacobs for the work you do.

[@tricialeona2071]

This ones even better! kzbin.info/www/bejne/gHTLqJqtip6tf9U The most compassionate and knowledgeable interview I’ve seen on BPD!

[@wordswordswords8203]

I enjoy watching other people's therapy sessions. I think you can learn a lot from them.

[@cameronreeder9609]

I’ve never met or seen someone in the world I relate to more than her. I hope she feels so much peace in her life soon.

[@imbreakinghearts]

damn there is a full crew?! she’s super strong for doing this and I’m super grateful; helped me a lot! we have similar responses and thought patterns so it’s nice to see this as a third party and truly understand it differently

[@htttppppp]

Being honest with yourself in my personal experience is the beginning of healing. Bravo to this woman!

[@angeloguerrero9566]

I’ve watched this video so many times now. Listening to her makes me feel so comforted, and helps with my lonely feelings. I’m appreciative of her openness regarding her struggles and emotions. She makes me almost normal

[@lavenderfae8585]

I've never been diagnosed as having BPD but I honestly feel that I have had this all my life. I see the pattern to my whole life. I'm 55 now and have a mental health appointment tomorrow. I'm hopeful to finally get the help and support I need.

[@melindaunknown6411]

I hope therapy is going well for you. ❤️

[@lavenderfae8585]

@melindaunknown6411 thank you but I've not had any yet. My appointment letter was sent to the wrong address and they don't rush these things.

[@suju3056]

Every mental illness has a pattern

[@d3s3rthoax69]

Hope you finally got the help you need.

[@VJolie3]

I love how articulate and fluid this conversation is. Is this candid? Wow!

[@keleye38]

Thank you so much for posting.. I was diagnosed with BPD about 5 years ago and have been struggling most of my life with personal relationships and my emotions. It's always nice to know other people can relate to how I feel.. it's draining, every single day..

[@arikvri3066]

Every single fucking day

[@monicagarner6596]

she’s so beautiful and honest. I wish I could just hug her and tell her that everything will be alright. Love will heal her. That’s all she needs.

[@fallenrose4101]

She's so sweet. I don't feel as alone now. Keep your head up, we all got this

[@jamesherrington5606]

I could listen to this girl all day. She needs her own show. She’s so smart, gorgeous, well thought, and well spoken.

[@chiefinspector7280]

Damn you is bored..

[@tabeabussmann]

@@chiefinspector7280 whats your problem

[@chiefinspector7280]

@@tabeabussmann Well dear since I have a masters in Psychology I have analized her.

[@rebeccaavern3251]

@@chiefinspector7280 You have a masters in psychology but spend your spare time poking fun at some random man showing interest in a mental illness? yeah, you’re lying lmao 😭 btw you spelled “analyzed” wrong.

[@jillsutton1624]

shes right, cutting releases chemicals in ur brain that make u feel “happy”. not even the happy u want, but just the kind of happy u feel when u dont feel so painfully depressed for a single moment. its addicting just as alcohol or drugs can be.

[@cosmicdissonance9888]

for me it was for the chronic emptiness but also the overwhelming, penetrating emotional trauma :/

[@anniejane255]

why would your brain reward you for cutting yourself?

[@gabrisage6477]

I only cut when i was on the 4th time dping cocaine. The come down was too intense and i kept remembering the abandonment

[@gabrisage6477]

But now its just me maladaptive daydreaming and driving to music on auto pilot - (ive been sober ) but i love music while driving it just helps or during the day, go to the park and just eat a good meal and taking a walk

[@catherinepatterson4720]

The client, bless her, has a ‘mother wound’. The impact a narcissistic mother has on a daughter (or a son) is life long. When she said that she could have been there for her father, the answer is yes she could have been, but she wasn’t and this is likely because she was probably trying to cope with her own issues. How can we be there for others when we’re not there for ourselves. I bet her mother’s mother (grandmother) wasn’t so nice to her mother either. I heard somewhere on KZbin that mother-daughter disconnect can be generational, up to seven generations. I felt for this client, but she is resilient, you can hear it in her words such as wanting to know ‘why’ to things and reflecting on things. I hope this client rises above her trauma, reads up lots and lots on mother-daughter relationships and re-mother’s herself. And maybe one day she can help/support other women who are daughters of narcissistic mother’s. There is such a need for this in our society.

[@jobunny919]

Any parent relationship has a life long impact but you made it sound like a life long curse. People with shitty parents aren’t cursed. I would know.

[@catherinepatterson4720]

@@jobunny919 I didn’t think of it in this term, but this is a good adjective. I suppose it is a curse - generational mother-daughter disconnect. And thankfully curses can be broken. But only if the next generation of daughters take the responsibility and say enough is enough. I started my journey by picking up one book. Now I have a bookshelf on the mother-daughter relationship. My relationship with my mother is no where healed. In fact, since I said enough is enough I feel it’s worse. That’s how complex the relationship is. My mother’s expectations of me growing up were low, but my strength and resilience proved to her otherwise. It drove me at times, to prove her wrong. So yes, people with toxic parents aren’t always cursed, but on a deeper unconscious level they are, because emotional reactions can come out of no where, as a result of poor attachment. Re-mothering is a step towards healing, which for me has been quite challenging. Anyway, our journeys are as individual as we are, so I’ll leave it here. God bless🌻

[@tonibauer2405]

My maternal grandmother was sweet, loving, kind, patient, and a good mother. Unfortunately, my mother wanted to please her strict, very old fashioned, grandfather, who had very strong opinions on the one and only right way to do things. She modeled herself after him and sought his approval long after the death of her mother at just age 49. It did nothing to enhance her motherhood and made her unable to be introspective or take responsibility for her own failings. But I never had children and am so glad. I just know the parts of my mother that were most toxic would have arisen and damaged my children, and I could never forgive myself for that.

[@Rinayplays]

@@catherinepatterson4720 My eldest daughter is 17. I felt resentment toward her for a long time. Through therapy I learned that I am both jealous of her, and frustrated at how much she reminds me of myself. I'm sure I have harmed her in her childhood, and I make every effort to repair our relationship now. I also feel like I have been a much better mother to my younger daughters. (Something I'm sure my eldest will have to heal from as well).

[@toyotasupra97]

@@Rinayplays forgive yourself and keep trying. She will appreciate it someday, even if not now. I wish my mother would do this and reach out, I’m 35 and she never calls me and doesn’t ask me about my life or how it’s going. Your small efforts are better than nothing at all.

[@le_th_]

This is so helpful to know what is going on inside the mind of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, but it is also so difficult to hear how much she is suffering and struggling, and then to try to imagine what it must be like to actually feel all those feelings. Heartbreaking...