Debrief w/ Charlotte after Dr. Diamond Session | Abuse & Self-Destructive Behavior in BPD

[@MultiSzini]

I could listen to these videos even if they were a week long. They are much more informative than a therapist talking about BPD.

[@technoutopia4687]

I wish they were a week long

[@PortraitoftheArtistasanOldDog8]

You'll love Prof Sam Vaknin KZbin then! I've been listening five + hrs a day he is phenomenal

[@marvinsmith9039]

Its great to see that Charlotte can notice, tolerate, and express her anger in a functional way. Good for her. She's an exceptional person.

[@designchik]

Sometimes the only thing I can think of to say is that people should have to take psychological tests before having children. My parents, particularly my father, were severely traumatised by their experiences throughout the Second World War in Europe. They had no business having children, and my siblings and I have paid the price through intergenerational trauma. There were so many times when I wished I had never been born, and while I’m better now, BPD has made life so difficult. My heart goes out to Charlotte, and my thanks to her and this channel for shining a light on BPD. ❤

[@BorderlinerNotes]

And thanks to you for being here and adding your voice. One of my parents was also deeply affected by ww2, and it undoubtedly contributed to how I was (and am) treated. -P

[@designchik]

🥰

[@JDforeveralone]

@@designchiknot alone here! "Grandchildren of war" a book by a German author.... Generational passed down trauma. Had devastating effects on one of my own children. Someone further above said that to be parents should have psychological examination - now in an age of awareness it's more easy to talk about this and consider. I was brought up with comments like "your just spoiled" "you don't know what I went through or others" "Get a life" and all the other "uplifitng" words. I speak to my two boys about the issue and have apologised to my elder one about all the rubbish that I did with them and also send him from time to time links to read and watch so that he can better understand. My younger one isn't ready yet to speak about the topic.but I hope that one day I will find a way with him. It's just - don't know what to say - life's one struggle. Wishing u well and thanks for reading my 2 cents

[@designchik]

@@JDforeveralone Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I realise that psychological tests aren’t an option, so it’s a tongue-in-cheek comment about what should happen in a perfect world. My parents really did do their best, but my father damaged us so much. I recognise that after such a devastating war, the thing on many people’s minds was forgetting and moving on, which included having children. You’re absolutely right when you say that familial trauma wasn’t discussed. Hell, people barely acknowledged PTSD in soldiers, let alone their offspring. We were products of our times. The book you mention sounds really interesting in light of my family history. My dad was an ethnic German born in Romania who fought in the German army, and my mom was raised in Nazi Germany and survived the war. But be gentle on yourself. All parents make mistakes, but the important thing is acknowledging and apologising for them, if you can. If my father had genuinely apologised to me for the abuse, it would have made a world of difference to me. Take care. ❤️

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

My mom grew up in occupied Belgium. I know exactly what you mean.

[@lesleymapstone1367]

Charlotte, you are such a special person! Your choice to participate in these sessions where you open yourself to the world are so mind-opening. Your vulnerability brings so much healing to yourself and thousands of others, worldwide, including me! Amazing! I’m so grateful to you and Revie and the therapists who have agreed to participate in Borderline notes! I admire your strength too. Your determination to focus and do the work necessary to heal and break free from the dysfunction of your past is inspiring!!! I’m fully behind you as you continue to navigate you way on this journey. Learning from you and applying nuggets of wisdom from your experience and the therapy you receive makes my journey of self discovery and healing, so much easier! Lots of love and strength!❤️❤️❤️

[@di_kid00]

It’s when it hurts so bad it’s hard not to hurt physically. Bc when the abuser is no longer around, it feels abnormal to not be hurt. So the self hurts itself to feel normal. Like this addiction to feeling rejected and seeing it in every single facial expression, trying to figure out WHEN they’re going to leave.

[@sudreahmerritt7606]

Charlotte, the fact that you keep doing these videos is beyond admirable. 99.9% of people would never dream of putting themselves out there like this. This is the biggest gift you can give to others to help them in their mental health journey. I wish you healing and recovery. No child should ever endure that level of abuse and I’m sorry you had to live through that. You are so strong and doing so well. Brighter days ahead!

[@bellaluce7088]

I felt like cheering when I heard Charotte's appropriate and healthy anger towards her mother. Now THAT'S healing! 👏👏👏

[@estellesstories7467]

Charlotte is so insightful. If you’re reading this, Charlotte - know that you are in the right profession. You bring a depth of knowledge that will protect children you work with (either clinically or via policy) from experiencing what you did. Every day in your work is vindication and evidence of your triumph over your childhood,

[@technoutopia4687]

OMG!!!! I’m so excited to hear her speak again!! I’m a huge fan. I think I have BPD but I’m not 100% sure but listening to Charlottes past interviews opened my eyes to BPD and I know so much about this disorder now thanks to her and her amazing interviewers. Charlotte please make your own KZbin or instagram channel so we can follow you and your journey you are so amazing and I can finally relate to someone with a similar past as myself. You’re an amazing woman and I know you’ll become an amazing counselor. Thank you for being so open in your interviews and thank you for just being your true self.

[@bellaluce7088]

I think it's TOTALLY appropriate to blame abusive parents for the harm they programmed us to inflict on others and ourselves, even as we take responsibility for our actions and learning to do better. The legacy of abuse doesn't just magically disappear at age 18, and there's no mystical download of all the self-love, coping skills, and emotional resilience we should have been taught. It takes TIME to right those wrongs, but with perseverance great things are possible! ❤❤

[@farmcat3198]

This video made me so sad. I've experienced what Charlotte has experienced. One parent constantly tearing you down, the other parent standing as an innocent bystander. When you ask the bystander parent why they stood there and let the abuse happen, they say "Better you than me! He would have killed me, and then all the rest of you would be homeless because nobody else was working to pay the bills!" That's followed up with the self-righteous statement "You've had 20 years to get over that abuse. You need to take ownership for your own life and solve your own problems!" (But Mom, maybe we wouldn't have had these problems if you'd had stood up to the abuse instead of acting as a bystander...) Listening to Charlotte brings all that shit right back front and center. I feel for what she went through.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Thanks for sharing your experience here-- much appreciated. -P

[@thefletchlife7837]

It is not outside the scope of normal human behaviour to feel, act, and think like a borderline of your were raised in the environment she explained. She also raises a very interesting, relevant, yet unanswerable question, how could they do this to a little child. The research shows that first family members of those with a personality disorder are 5 times more likely than the general population to develop the issue. There may be some comfort in this knowledge, as it is highly probable that her mother had similar traits. This is a brave young woman, I scincerly hope she is able to overcome this debilitating disorder.

[@georgiaa9603]

"It's not your fault, but it's your responsibility." Incredible to see Charlotte taking ownership of patterns that stem from things that should never have happened to her in the first place. So powerful to hear more about her story. Hope to see her again soon.

[@strawberryfields3219]

Thank you so much for sharing your story, Charlotte! I can relate to your frustration and anger as a defense mechanism from gaslighting and internalization of crazy stuff you hear from your mother. Unfortunately, at some point, we all need to make at least one parent our ally in our heads to survive as children, so sometimes fathers get away with a lot. My mother was physically abusive from the time I was a toddler, on top of daily verbal and psychological abuse. There were multiple instances where my life was threatened by her. She is the least self-aware person I know and would have been jailed for her behavior in any developed country even 30 years ago due to the physical injuries I suffered (I'm not from the US). However, after doing therapy for years, I encountered the issue of my father's image in my head, which unfortunately I realized I had gotten entirely wrong. He wasn't a nice parent because he didn't hit me; he seemed nice because he was absent and thus, it felt safer to speak with him over the phone. He was an ignorant person who allowed all that to happen while he was fully aware of the facts. It was hard to let go of the idea that I had at least one parent who genuinely loved me, but the truth was inevitable the more I continued my therapy. I have discovered that he was a terrible husband who took advantage of all the male privileges that exist in a patriarchal society and developing country and didn't care much about his role as a parent and his responsibility to keep me safe. Now I see him as the narcissist he is which opened up my eyes about other types of manipulation and neglect I've experienced from him continuously. As a person with BPD traits, I'm always inclined to think that maybe there was an excuse for my mother's behavior since it turns out my dad was such a terrible man, and keeping myself from this inclination to idealize one of the parents once I discover another instance of neglect from another, is the biggest challenge. I have to always remind and correct myself from this kind of thinking and see both of them as individually responsible for their actions. Overall, I have always felt something was off, and the puzzle piece was missing until I had to reevaluate my father's role and his actions. So, despite the difficulties of accepting harsh reality, I feel at the same time relieved now that I know I can see the whole picture and still stand strong. I hope my therapy journey inspires you to realize that it's you who matters and it's your strength and resilience you need, and not any of your parents who, it seems to me, didn't deserve someone as kind, bright, and amazing as you are in their lives.

[@missbubblemaker26]

This was hard to watch because I identify with her childhood so much. There is so much pain to let go of and work through. She reminds me of me. I wish you the best Charlotte, really from the bottom of my heart. We can heal from all the abuse we did not deserve it. No one deserves it especially a child.

[@blairarchbold3224]

Amazing conversation!🙏🙏🙏 Brave, courageous, strong and insightful. 💯💯💯

[@sugarfree1894]

Self-harm is a way of possessing and controlling and 'owning' the process and mechanics of damage. In a weird way, it is a survival tactic, a way of taking back some power, even just a little bit. When it's not possible to stop being damaged, one can at least take over the usurp the abuser.

[@Chenoah.]

I love Charlotte. I want to one day see an episode where she can say why wouldn't someone love me rather than why would someone love me. My heart broke for her when she said that during the session prior.

[@jontnoneya3404]

Oh man - unmeasured, unguarded and totally open Charlotte sharing with a friend is so nice to see. She has been through some awful stuff and it's great that she feels so comfortable with you to open up like that. LOVE to see this and wishing her all the best!

[@matthewmercury1]

The size of those chairs is making me have a narcissistic collapse.

[@JDforeveralone]

Charlotte - my deep respect for you for always coming in front of the camera again. I love watching you although it hurts for me so much. Wishing you well!

[@beyourself9162]

This is what I always suspected and my therapist believes that BPD is a gigantic traumatic response of many big Ts and many minor Ts. The story to not recognize yourself on a picture brought me to tears, because I guess nearly all patients with BPD experienced such a crazy childhood. No wonder that children develop BPD when they get abused like this. I always thought my parents were cruel, but this story is heartbreaking. It’s not your fault, it’s your parents fault, they need urgently help too…. vour parents behavior was and is sick. I bet all my money that both of your parents are traumatized too….😮 Btw for my big T somatic experiencing was my tool to learn how to regulate. And its true the more you can regulate yourself, the more healthy relationship experiences you make. Btw. I would break all contact to such cruel parents because they trigger me over and over again. With this my wounds can’t heal. I needed to break all contact to heal my wounds….

[@rubysarahaynes]

You are amazing, Charlotte, for taking this unfair situation into your own hands! Thank you for being so open and helping to educate us!

[@LiamPorterFilms]

I love the supportive atmosphere on this channel towards the condition of BPD. I am a total outsider, but I think the fears and problems of BPD sufferers are also the fears and problems of non-BPD sufferers, just to a more acute level.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Strongly agree. Thank you for the thoughtful input. 🙏

[@andreagonyeaurodriguez4831]

Rewatching the session! Looking forward to this.

[@john-williamodwyer1544]

I have BPD but I wasn't treated like this as a child. No wonder she is "fucked up". My heart and prayers go out to this poor damaged soul x

[@goldnugt]

Thank you so very much for sharing your journey, similar to my own.

[@yiayiashearttarot5563]

In my experience, self-harm, or to put it another way, becoming your own abuser, gives one a certain sense of control over the abuse. By recreating the situation of suffering at the hands of another, but this time with some say in the outcome, one is trying to reclaim a tiny (although fu*ked up) bit of one’s sense of safety and power. The true horror of this though, is that, rather than trying to reclaim the sense of self worth of the often helpless and blameless individual who was abused, we seek to claim the only example power we were shown, that of the abuser. And, in the case of self-harm, since it is often not truly in our nature to harm others, we turn this “power” toward the only individual we can harm without, we believe, incurring a further debt of guilt; ourselves. Thus we continue to damage our already devastated sense of self-worth. And so it goes on, and on to feed itself in the quest for self-love.

[@hana.xplorz_GB]

Borderline, AuDHD,cPTSD here, I often think about how I can get my childhood back, in my 20s I realise that the only thing I can do is make up for the lost time and I'm yet to find the reason for my abuse/neglect but in good time I will see that everything happens for a reason. To my future self, hang in there, you'll see.

[@priscillagrrr4405]

Good grief Charlotte, I'm so sorry about your childhood and your mom. Yes, you're responsible for your behavior but they hurt you so much and they should be accountable for that as well. No one deserves that kind of treatment

[@sbarajas1673]

Charlotte is an admirable person, especially given everything she went through. Her emotions, pain, and responses are valid. She deserves more and to be happy. Hopefully, she acknowledges that.

[@tonya3144]

I am so moved by Charlotte’s story. Thank you.

[@herbieshine1312]

It's heartbreaking to hear of Charlotte's experience. I realise I'm internalising some of what she talks about. My experience is different to hers but the response I have to myself is very close to her reaction to herself Thank you for the videos and tank you to Charlotte for her willingness to share her story

[@keralytekid]

Charlotte seems so considerate of other people's feelings and emotions.

[@lorenzrosenthal119]

that explains a lot. I was often confused to how my ex framed my behavior towards her, when she was in the dark place. She framed it in a very negative, abusive way as if she WANTED me to be that person. It always confused me because I never saw myself in that light and nobody framed me in that way before. But at the same time she was very convincing because of the strong feelings of anger, resentment, victimhood, aggression and disgust she then displayed. Very interesting.

[@barryseymour946]

Hard to believe that a mother could be so cruel to such a beautiful child. It is just so damaging.

[@carynmiller1]

One of the main reasons that women don’t leave their abuser and its rarely mentioned is they can’t afford to. Many women are murdered when they are trying to leave and right afterward. I don’t know what the solution the children are victimized and traumatized even if they’re only bystanders. I’m so sorry for what was done to you.

[@paulascott7670]

Right I did

[@tommylandbeach8049]

as always so brave ,so helpful . all the very best to Charlotte!

[@carynmiller1]

I’m so so sorry and heartbroken to know what she endured.

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

I said something similar to a friend of mine. After awhile of abusing you, they just sit back and watch you do it to yourself. They wind you up and watch you go. And then it's your fault, they're innocent. Kind of like when a bully beats you up but grabs your arm and uses your own fist to beat yourself up.

[@bellaluce7088]

So true, and so well put!

[@technoutopia4687]

I literally fell asleep to the sound of her voice. So soothing…maybe I’m just a huge fan.

[@alizaofbrooklyn]

High point of my day ❤

[@cwynn1547]

Took me awhile to watch this debrief and I haven’t watched Dr. Diamond’s. I was uncomfortable with the session, I felt the Dr. interjected too much, talked too much. So I took the break for a few weeks and today I decided to watch Charlotte’s thoughts first. I’m glad I did, knowing you both found a good point to take away from it.

[@bellaluce7088]

@cwynn1547 The initial interview made me extremely uncomfortable too, but watching Dr. Diamond's debrief made me feel better. It made sense of the funky rapport (Charlotte's past bad experience with other clinician's from Dr. Diamond's practice that Dr. Diamond didn't initially know about) and made abundantly clear how much Dr. Diamond respects Charlotte. : - ) ❤

[@will6724]

I watched the Borderline film and thought that Charlotte would be the main focal point and was surprised to find it was Regina, the film nonetheless made me understand more about BPD and felt transparent. Is there another documentary in the works that follows Charlotte by any chance?

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

Yes, please!

[@vitoriol]

Thanks for sharing this

[@alizaofbrooklyn]

This is something Ferenczi wrote about (and others): internalizing the aggressor.

[@mollyringwerm9224]

Charlotte, you were a victim by your parents disturbing maltreatment. You need to allow yourself to feel that so you can heal that.

[@ChrisRichard-v2n]

My mother is almost identical. Horrifically jealous of my dad's unwanted love and unnatural attention towards myself. My dad passed 20 years ago. She had my son took off me turned him against me. Drip fed him false bad memories. Constantly belittles and criticises. Tells me of the pluses of Suicide and tells me that it's the decent thing to do for my son. Always reminds me how bad my life is and reinforces that it will only ge😮t worse and that nobody loves me and don't kid myself nobody ever will. Love to u from my little per😮son from within... Baby Jessica xxx😊😊

[@SevenRavens007]

I’m rooting for Charlotte

[@MellowBellow1]

It’s interesting if you look at the justification to self harm for being “vain”. And if you are vain, is it not ok to be vain and NOT self harm. It’s ok to be vain and be imperfect. If you’re mum tells you that you’re ugly, and you’re not, it does not equate to vanity and need to be punished. ( just to isolate the cognitions as black and white. ).

[@JimBillyRayBob]

Charlotte, go no contact with your mom. She isn't capable of genuine concern for you. Everything is about her. She's skilled in hiding this and redirecting blame towards you, which is exactly why you should have no contact with her. Any question you ask and every answer you get will Be about making your mom feel better about herself. You do not exist as a separate human being. That's a harsh thing to swallow and... it's true. PS - she had the same effect on your dad that she had on you. That's why he couldn't defend you as much as he should have. The only way he could have would have been to cut her out of his life. He didn't have the skills or ability to to that. You do. Dont make the same mistake of chasing approval you will never get. That's the trap. Neither of your parents had the skills or ability to parent you the way a child should be parented. You can choose how you live your life. You are not destined to follow in your mom's footsteps

[@AngelasAnythingShow]

I LOVE HER

[@cara2u]

The oversized chair choice for your set is interesting, what was the motive?

[@oliviagoldin7737]

High backrest looks very protective, the armchair feels like a cocoon or a little dwelling, I wish I had one of those

[@JDforeveralone]

@@oliviagoldin7737 well explained!! ;) Was gonna say as well - makes the setting comfortable and relaxed. Not like being in a room with doc's table and so on!

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

Makes me think of Edith Ann or Alice in Wonderland.

[@KA-mq4wj]

Charlotte you’re not crazy or at fault! You were raised by narcissistic parents. You have Complex PTSD from narcissistic abuse. I did too. Thank you for speaking out. You’re Ok! Take care.

[@cht2162]

Any last words?

[@InvisibleBorderline]

I’ve never been a cutter but I did get a giant tattoo on my shoulder because dealing with physical pain was easier than the emotional pain I was in after going no contact with my narcissistic ex. 😢

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

Omg, we must have the same mom!

[@shawnrisley2404]

Charlotte's mother needed to inject harm, to scar her daughter's mind. What a jerk.

[@tcreative8030]

No Contact. Why did she tell you that about your father NOW??? Just why??

[@itsnotfar]

I'm curious if it's tougher to treat someone who is studying and working in the same field. Also I wonder if she is being manipulative for many reasons. Like when she was being careful of what is said.

[@figgettit]

everyone internalises their mother. good mothers are internalised and bad mothers are internalised. its the basis of becoming a self.

[@yogidevendrabiriyani1777]

The damage these walking open wounds do

[@hurricaneaquatics]

I tell you, many people should be banned from even having children. The parents are miserable in their lives and they abuse the children and in turn, ruin the child's existence for 80 or more years until they're dead. Just amazes me at the depravity of some people.

[@afakkobyab5982]

I want to ask you people something which I am really curious about: I have a friend who is obsessed with these tattoos on her body. So many, they make her look really ugly. Is it something like Charlotte did to her arms? Instead of cutting, some might get excessive tattoos (too many - ugly ones) ?

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Thanks for the question here -- I'm not a treater but I do know self-harm takes many forms and looks/feels different for every person. -P

[@cambo2161]

It sounds like you just hate tattoos.

[@afakkobyab5982]

@@cambo2161 oh, a mind reader. hello there

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

I think piercings count too.

[@JohnBock-nq9lr]

I do think that tattoos and piercings seem to be a socially acceptable format of cutting

[@MaritaBird]

Video won't play for me! It's throwing up the warning about suicide & self-harm, even after I click on "I understand and wish to proceed". Damn You Tube!! 😡😡😡😡

[@oliviagoldin7737]

Just reload the same page several times, it will come up, it worked for me

[@robertsole9970]

She will always be fragile and wounded because of her parents.

[@bellaluce7088]

Healing is possible and if anyone can do it, she can. Wounds heal, and she's already shown extraordinary strength and determination.

[@Jewellene]

My dad watched porn in front of us too. Not because he wanted us to see it, but just because he wanted to watch it and we happened to be around. I'm saying that in case it helps. We have such similar stories and personalities ❤

[@Jewellene]

Omg, I'm from Oklahoma too

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

Yes, but that's not the point. And I think she made those points and expressed herself extremely well.

[@PortraitoftheArtistasanOldDog8]

Bad Internal introjects ....

[@seanlove3578]

Dr. Horrible wants his chairs back.

[@JessCyph]

This breaks my heart. ♥️

[@lorrainew7529]

Thank you. This is so insightful. You're very courageous. 🤍🙏

[@ideletemycomments]

Glad she's finally getting to the meat of BPD. The last few episodes were yawn worth at best😴😪give it to us cut and dry. Not the sugar coated fancy stuff.