BPD AND DISSOCIATION

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT!!
PLEASE CHECK OUT MY WEBSITE
www.theblackla...
FOLLOW ME ON SOCIALS!
instagram: @theblacklambs
TikTok: @theblacklambs
Facebook: Facebook.com/theblacklambshop
SEND MONEY www.paypal.me/...

[@donking5838]

Does anyone else with BPD ever get something where it feels like you're kinda looking in on your life from a 3rd person perspective and you're doing things but don't feel like you're in control of yourself and are just kinda spectating?

[@FaithNoMore223]

I used to get that

[@michelleortiz9295]

Yes

[@alliarsenic]

Yes!!!!

[@skidamarinkadinkadink9580]

Yup.

[@TheCooliogirl101]

Yes all the time

[@Goggalor1990]

I get this feeling like there is no "me". The person in the mirror is someone else. And it freaks me the hell out.

[@tiraluvr941]

In elementary school i used to forget what i looked like until i got home from school everyday. I still do some times but i look in the mirror a lot more now lol. But the black hole feeling NEEDS to go..

[@epicmonkey6663]

I know that feeling do you also look at your hands and they don't look like they're yours but you know that it is through logic but it doesn't look move or feel like it's yours that's how it is with me and the mirror whenever I look at it I get really angry and I just start having this strong hatred at the thing I'm looking at in the mirror and I keep looking at my face and it's like it moves after I move almost like I didn't expect it to move if that makes sense but I hate looking at my limbs it's creepy

[@bellatesiero6255]

I hate what i see in the mirror..

[@rachhv77]

This literally happened to me a month ago I was looking in the mirror and it was like I was looking at someone that I did not know. It freaked me out so bad and I just curled up in bed and tried to go to sleep

[@saifayre4918]

Yess i can relate so much

[@Citrusfruits50]

I don’t feel like an adult.. I still feel like I’m my mind I’m 18-19 yrs old.. I’m 40.. Like I’m “stuck” and never progressed.. I see other people my age talking and interacting with people and seem to relate.. they are “grown” and I feel like a young adult still..

[@MrAndrii11]

I assume my ex gf has BPD, and she acts like a 13-year-old, (she's 21) and she has no clue what she wants to do professionally, every month she used to change her idea about what she was about to do, people usually know what they're about to do back in middle school

[@aimandurrani2228]

Im 20 and still feel 15-16

[@XOXO123456789]

Same here.

[@Pinkcandy777]

Definitely. Might be because of my nasty cruel childhood

[@Pinkcandy777]

@@aimandurrani2228 bless you xxx

[@borderlineramblings8999]

I often catch myself death staring at people when I am thinking about something that is stressing me out. Super annoying.

[@MichiMavros]

Borderline Ramblings me as well! then getting called out for staring when you really werent intended to and having to attempt to explain what just happened. so awkward!

[@eighth1267]

Borderline Ramblings omg I do that tooo

[@kiaheden8783]

I did that in high school and this dude told everyone I was creepy and wouldn't stop staring at him LMAO

[@saramilena.]

@@MichiMavros but that is considered as dissociation l???

[@chevgage6210]

Lol when you dissociate half-way through watching a video about dissociation and have to rewind

[@Tati_Cap]

Lol 😂 same I was like wow people can relate starts thinking checks out. All bad.

[@dragonsalleymusic]

What a wonderful description. I've been going through this for weeks. Unable to connect with people even though I desire to, my walls are up. I haven't felt like I'm even living in 3d. I'm somewhere outside of everything else. The world continues to turn around me and I'm just frozen. Scared and lonely. Processing my emotions has become a priority. I crave meaningful relationships and intimacy, but fear being "too much" for people to handle. I am everything and I am nothing. No in between. So when frozen, I'm the ice queen. I hoped that in this state I could preserve things until I processed and worked through past trauma. I have come back to myself now and hope it isn't too late to make things better.

[@darkospasic186]

Stacey may i ask you something in private, i need some help please. Thanks

[@bodhi_bear2878]

Very much relate to this.. It's never too late. Hope your well Love ❤

[@jokesonyou222]

I could’ve write this with how much I relate wow

[@beautyinmentalhealth368]

I personally sometimes start to feel like a child the little...and feel I'm in the past.

[@MichiMavros]

Beautiful Love i always feel like my mental growth is stunted, like a permanent 14 year old.. sometimes even as young as 3

[@queenpearl1979]

Tara W same here... it was thru a recurring dream I discovered I had been molested when I was little :(

[@RaneBane]

Its age regression. Its a coping mechanism. Look at mike tyson. Classic example

[@Straun30]

I have a theory about this, I witnessed my dad almost beat mom to death, I was around 7-8yrs old, so I still usually go through toy sections in stores and I look for GI Joes. Its almost a sleepwalking like thing and they dont sell GI Joes anymore where im at and I know this but I still often do this, that was 33 yrs ago and GI Joes essentially were my male role models because dad was evil. I also feel like im 14, 15, 16, 17, at times, these were super stressful years and I was messing around with girls in these age gaps. I think it has something to do with the initial stresser, that first moment we broke and the time around it. Its like it was so severe in nature that we went into hyper arousal and fight or flight was kicked in unnaturally young and because of it, the imprint of the age and time stays with us forever, and I also have PTSD as my co-morbidity so im not certain whats BPD and what is PTSD flashbacks. I can at any time step into myself in various ages like im there, and music from the time always takes me there fast, so for me that was like 1983-84.

[@kawaiibabydollcutie7541]

I age regress from 2yrs old-6 yrs old

[@chevgage6210]

Like 80% of us experience disassociative episodes but hardly any youtubers talk about it. Thanks for this video.

[@BG-wz1iu]

I day dream heavily and reenact conversations or imagine new ones. I sometimes keep reenacting a conversations over and over again. Sometimes I daydream/dissociate so much that I feel sick. I can't control what I feel about the dissociations. Sometimes I feel anxious. I almost got hit by a car once trying to dissociate in peace. Sometimes it's a choice most of the times I try to stop, but I fail every time. It's like you ate less like yourself and more like a fragment. The point of this is to keep your soul scattered, because you don't want to be your full self.

[@rasmusfriman5166]

I space out a lot, depersionalize and derealize from time to time but I've now dissociated from my emotions. It has lasted about a week now and I only feel shallow emotions like getting annoyed or laughing whit others, but no true happiness and no sadness, my dog died recently and I didn't feel anything. I thought I was becoming a sociopath but I realize now it's probably dissociation.

[@alexiswalsh9112]

Rasmus Friman sociopaths don’t nessesarly know they are becoming it lol

[@alexiswalsh9112]

you do want to feel normal please listen to my advice. This sounds so fucking simple but this is how I now feel normal kinda. Since covid19 it can do a lot on anyone’s mental health (isolation) so start by getting vitamin D daily. Drink water but don’t chug it ever. Eat a balanced diet with less sugar and carbs and more meat and greens. EXERCISE ashen ur getting an episode or feeling “not real” got an do a 20-30 min exercise video on KZbin and focus on something else. EXERCISE makes me feel normal and whenever I feel weird I do this. Sleep good hours as well. Make sure you have a routine. It’s so simple but if u keep doing this you will feel better.. in the meantime watch comedy movies that make u laugh and exercise and TALK with friends and family cause for some reason that makes me feel normal

[@alexiswalsh9112]

Whenever you zone out I want you to say this I DONT GIVE A FUCk and have that sassyness say it in ur head or out loud. Tell yourself I will be fine and talk about the weather or something so u don’t think about dissosation.. also exercise as well

[@Iquey]

This is such an important video. It helps me feel less alone when I've had those dissociative and numb feelings/moments, and to be more understanding of friends with anxiety and depression who get dissociation around panic attacks. I don't want to think their just being mean and ignoring me, but they could be dissociating and going through their own negative thoughts too.

[@nicoleglisar]

I think it feels like your mind matches the empty feeling you have... finally you are completely empty.

[@pinkydinky5480]

I relate so much when you talked about going from extreme emotions to nothingness

[@charliedaniels9040]

I ruin everything good in my life.. I'm ruined.. it's like I was born broken..

[@yahyahyor]

you should check out Bruce Lipton: the biology of belief. if youre broken that means you can be fixed and heal. also recovery mum is a really good channel to look at too i found her through this one

[@orthosostrakon7519]

Just told someone i was born broken earlier tonight. Not a fun thing to feel

[@bellatesiero6255]

I have been told by lots of people i loved that i am damaged beyond repair

[@meganmariedecristoforo3464]

@@bellatesiero6255 you're not love, don't believe them. Surround yourself with those who are not broken so you can heal.

[@bellatesiero6255]

Megan Marie DeCristoforo my mom just told me its sad how fucked up i am and said that borderlines are sociopaths

[@kjtamf]

I disassociate a lot ..... and as a survivor of trauma & victim of things that are somethings difficult to verbalise , or comprehend. I lose so much time in a state of disassociation it’s hard to see a positive in it , but I can say it helps abuse victims to cope ... ❤️

[@nardo218]

My best dissociation is when I'm writing, and I go away and be with my characters, like I'm floating along beside them and just recording what's happening. Like the creative energy flows in and out like breathing. When I come back, I'm a litle tired but it's pleasant, like wakig up from a nice dream. The worst dissociation is when it's anxiety-caused, and I need to be present, like in job interviews and I literally forget who I'm talking to and before I know it I've left the interview room and I'm telling some rambling story that's totally irrelevant and emotional and usually turns into a negative screed about why I stopped working at another company. It's 100% why I've lost out on jobs on several occasions. I have a flat affect if I'm not performing, so I probably looked completely insane. When I come back from that, I'm completely humiliated and I want to just run and cry.

[@AmethystDreamz]

You explained this perfectly! I dissociate daily as part of my BPD, even at work.

[@MichiMavros]

Amethyst Dreamz thanks girl!!! its so frustrating right?! so hard to explain after the fact... i wish more people understood!! take care ❤

[@jokesonyou222]

Literally same

[@cathrine1151]

I get this when I’m overwhelmed and that unfortunately happens a lot. Got worse for me with age. My brain is tired from the bpd. Fortunately I start treatment tomorrow. I am 46 so not to early to start 🤪

[@DesertNails]

Cathrine Best wishes!

[@Tamsin_bear]

You described it really well. At the moment I’m dissociated most days, and when I was talking about a trauma the other day I dissociated really badly and can’t remember the rest of the day. It’s stopping my ability to work at the moment so I need to find a way to get control of it!

[@jokesonyou222]

Literally same when I talk about my trauma I always dissociate or even thinking about it

[@mrsdragonite]

I love having dissociative episodes. It feels like an emotional vacation. I don't choose when they happen but I feel relief when I feel nothing for once.

[@tomikoeaton9786]

My cousin is borderline she will not except it she is getting worst everyday I had to stopped dealing with her constant gaslighting

[@MichiMavros]

Borderlines aren’t typically known for gaslighting

[@ddg80sbby]

I was diagnosed with BPD in my early 30s and learning about the disorder has helped me to identify signs from my past, namely dissociation. I first remember somebody calling me out in high school. We were having a full on conversation, a girl was talking, and I just tuned out and sauntered off. I didn't realize it until I was several yards away! I was called rude lol I still dissociate when either over stimulated or under stimulated in an unfamiliar environment. My mind brain just does what it thinks it needs to do in order to keep me comfortable and I've learned to appreciate that.

[@kat7880]

I have been in a dissociative state for the past two days. When I am with my partner, I come out of it because he is so supportive. But when I go back to the triggering place, I check out again. I totally agree with what you said about having too many emotions and then none. I know that's why I'm having a hard time with my family. I just don't care right now, not that I don't want to but I just can't. And what's worse is that when I try to explain that it's my BPD, no one believes me or tries to help. I even found a support group for family members but my family don't want to go coz it would take away from their personal lives. But then continue to ask me why I do these things. Thank you for explaining this so well. I really enjoyed this video and managed to stay present throughout the whole thing. Much love.

[@djnico5114]

Im literally going trought the same thing

[@lorenzrosenthal119]

Thank you! Very insightful for someone not having BPD.

[@addisonthetiger6344]

I dont even recognize myself in the mirror, i'm getting my diagnoses rechecked but this has been my most prominent symptom since elementary school. My life started feeling like a movie in second grade.

[@atheys1]

I am so happy that you made this video. I was diagnosed with BPD at 18 and I am now 34 and I'm just learning about BPD. I don't know why I never looked into BPD when I was diagnosed with it because maybe if I had I wouldn't have lived such a crazy and unstable life in my 20's. When I started learning about BPD it all made so much sense. I just could not believe everything I was learning was exactly how I acted, thought, felt, behaved etc. Now because I'm learning about BPD I wanted to tell my mom about it. She still has not educated herself about it and it didn't really bother me until I watched your video. For the longest time and just last week she brought up that there's definitely something wrong with you because sometimes I catch you just staring into space for about 30 seconds. Her exact words were" Alicia what the hell is wrong with you when you stair off into la la land all the time?" It happens when I'm thinking about something upsetting. It all makes sense now. Thank u

[@MichiMavros]

im so sorry to hear that, its really difficult being around a negative environment especially after dissociating but sometimes we cannot choose how are close family acts or if we can keep them in our lives but i hope one day soon she will educate herself about bpd and how she can handle it and support you ❤ thank you so much for your comment, take care :)

[@trailer.prince]

It happens for weeks quite often. Day's, weeks months it's horrible and happened as long as I can remember for my past 26 years. I wish I knew a way to make it stop. Our brain protects itself however it can it's crazy. I hate the numb and disassociation Thank you for bringing this up. I know I'm not alone but I've struggled with this since childhood

[@laureenmayson2152]

Hardgore Aina im sorry to hear thag Aina. Youre not alone!

[@hemaramaswamy1706]

Hi Aina, I would like to more about your disassociation. Is there any way I can write you.

[@olivertalks121]

for BPD another type of dissociation is secondary structural dissociation, which is a framework with the theory that ppl with cptsd/bpd have an Apparently Normal Personality which doesn't totally remember trauma, and multiple Emotional Parts that respond as if they are currently experiencing trauma when triggered; the past lives in you. similar idea to DID, but ppl with DID have more than one ANP. if you struggle with memory loss after bad episodes, feel like your emotions are from your younger self, or feel like your emotions are "in a different room in your head" you should check out structural dissociation

[@subereerebus5658]

This video is going to help alot of people whove needed to understand this... I been like this for many years and now im so cold and numb inside ppl cant handle me when i get like this... Hate the feeling of emptiness when ive came back round from disassociation days and weeks... It hurts so badly......... I get called every name under the sun due to it and because ive had to learn my own defensive mechanisims ive now lost my son and not able to see him..... Wonderful video ty for sharing zxxx

[@abbielakhan8501]

best description of bpd dissoc. i could ask for. newly diagnosed and sending to all my friends and family

[@pauldhanjal4264]

Thank you so much Michi, this stuff really scares me but it all is starting to make sense. Thank you for your videos I'm finally starting to learn who I am. It also helps in the sense that I feel like I'm not alone in this battle. It took me until 38 years old to be diagnosed, my twenties were a disaster. Oh how I wish I could of saw this when I was a teenager, I'm getting treatment now, but I find comfort in watching your videos because I relate to all of them, I cannot say thank you enough. Thank you thank you. 😊

[@kurth365]

This has got to be the best vocalized way of how i feel most of the time. This will help alot because I've been trying for years to explain it to people and it never comes out right and i'm so frustrated and and tired of sounding like a broken record!. . Thank you :)

[@keelyboii]

hey michi. Everything you have spoke about in regards to BPD is mind opening for myself. I'm trying to get a diagnosis as I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 16. I'm now 22 and the doctor kinda went ow wait have you been screened for BPD? My anxiety has gone through the roof and I have slept about an hour a night for a week aha. I've avoided my mental health for so long and just ran and ran and ran, and now I'm out of breathe (mentally and physically drained). I've isolated myself so much to the point of being alone is the norm and being in company is uncomfortable. When I next go into the doctors I'm going to write everything down before hand because I cannot manage my thoughts for shit haha. saddest part of it all I have four beautiful sisters and mother who love me and I act lifeless and struggle loving back but at the same time have nothing but love in my mind and heart. I'm contradictory. But I'm optimistic I will get better, I'm only 22. Thanks for you experience, its really helpful Jack from England -.- x

[@smokey6153]

You talk just like I do, I relate to this, I love this, thank you

[@brandiblankenship2711]

I constantly carry around a massive notebook where I write down everything I've done that day. I dissociate so badly that I can go 24 hours and 6 of those hours I cannot remember a dang thing. My girlfriend constantly thinks I'm just deep in thought but even after five and a half years she doesn't realize that dissociation is a serious part of borderline ,at least my personal opinion. I love your videos, by the by. They help me more than I could accurately express in a KZbin comment. I do however have a question for you. Maybe you can do a video on it if you know anything about this. In your opinion what's the difference between a toxic person and traumatized person? Borderlines do not have a positive name for us but a lot of us have been traumatized in our childhood. ...and that ultimately can, and sometimes does, contribute to the borderline diagnosis later in life. Both individuals express similar traits.I just want to know is there a difference between me and the monster who made me who I am?

[@nscott2590]

I dissociate literally 100% of the time. Honestly alcohol is the one thing I’ve found that makes me feel truly present. It fucking sucks. BPD is completely terrifying when you feel trapped inside a mind that you can never escape.

[@madisonhernandez4856]

I dissociate almost every single time where the spotlight is on me or I know someone may or may not be focusing on me and looking for something positive. Like romantic or at work or interviews etc. It’s like becoming an NPC in a video game. I’m talking, responding, and moving. But it’s not me. My movements feel like a dummy, I’m looking through the back of my eyes, my voice doesn’t sound like me, and everything about my body becomes “wow who is this disgusting human?”. It’s really like watching a movie or playing a game in first person VR or something.

[@elissacousland44]

My nephew killed himself a few years back. He had a slew of his own mental health issues. The first thought I had as I looked down in his casket was that he had beat me to it. I didn't cry for a while after that. Trying to keep your emotions in check when you're experiencing the severe highs and lows is like wrestling a hungry, 10 foot snake. You never know what angle they're going to attack from. You just know that they will, and they'll probably win. Once you discover dissociation, it's almost a relief. Until it isn't. Until some small tendril of dread weakly flutters. This serenity is nice, but will you ever smile again without feeling like it's going to break your face? Everything feels hazy and muted and protective... but you can only handle so much of that. I have often doubted if I had a soul. I realized early on that I was some kind of abomination who had been born without the ability to feel, since it seemed that whenever it mattered most, I couldn't be sad like everyone else, or even pretend effectively. But I could listen to a song in a quiet room, close my eyes, and by the time the song is done, I open them, only to find tears streaming. I find that I need constant validation that I'm not a complete failure (even though I am at everything), and that nobody is upset at me. The fear of saying something wrong and driving people away is so severe, I have forsaken friends altogether. A few years ago, my mother told me that maybe I should just kill myself, since I was so determined to never be happy. As if I would willingly choose this. As if the gaping maw of darkness that threatened to swallow me whole was something I was choosing instead of being happy. Maybe I did. The darkness was quiet, at least. I know she regrets it now. But it's not something that I will truly ever forget. I go in tomorrow to finally be evaluated for this. I have lived almost 30 years of my life only half alive. After panic attacks that bring on days of off and on dissociation, followed by weeks of depersonalization and depression, I have finally reached my limit. No one believes that this is what I have. So I don't say anything anymore. "Everyone feels these things." The unsaid message is clear. 'We can all deal with it. Why can't you?' I still don't know why.

[@trishgoodwin4731]

I just came across your videos this morning, I've been recently diagnosed with BPD and been doing a lot of research on it. I related to all of your videos, sometimes so much that it took my breath away and brought me to tears. You are awesome! It's huge knowing that I'm not alone.❤️❤️❤️

[@thereGoMapo]

As a neurotypical person who dated someone with BPD it can be confusing. Sometimes she would dissociate mildly during nights out when she was stressed with school work. I took it the wrong way and felt bad about myself because I thought she was losing interest in the relationship. Having a discussion about this really helped.

[@necronyx7176]

This sounds so much like me for the past two years. I'm three quarters through my last year of high school (turned 18 in June) and have been struggling with the simplest of tasks, failing assignments, shit I know how to do because I can't get out of my head!! I'm so torn because I NEED to pass highschool but at this rate I won't; I know I should talk to a doctor or a shrink but whenever we're in the same room I just lie because THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IN MY LIFE! I am so fucking lucky, able bodied yet I scratch and slice myself up and hide in my bed, how can they believe there's anything wrong with me? Fuck, I'm so confused. Sorry this turned into a rant of something. Keep making your vids, Michi. You're my hero, girl.

[@MichiMavros]

no never feel sorry for ranting! it is so comforting being able to share such scary feelings that most people dont undetstand so never feel ashamed to be vocal about it here, i totally get where youre coming from. the idea of being so "young and able" and others not having the ability to do things we can but still feeling so awful and wanting to ruin yourself, it feels ungrateful and wasteful which in turn just makes us more depressed. its such a vicious cycle that seemingly never ends, but sometimes everything seems a little less dark and scary and thats what we gotta hold on to. way easier said than done of course, but thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me and for being so kind and sweet ❤ really means alot. i hope things will get better. take care and stay strong xoxo

[@ryanzeller4700]

Don't have BPD but the dissociation is very relatable. The way you articulated it was super helpful. Thanks yo, real talk.

[@Seafox0011]

Really clear explanation and very helpful in understanding. Dissociation comes from a very deep and instinctive response - which is why it is hard to learn how to moderate. People need to understand its as much like trying to 'control' our instinctive 'flight or fight' response to a threat or danger. Dissociation is a natural defence to a trauma, that may have been a single incident or a persistent low level neglect by someone (a parent for example). The counterpart to this can be a need to regain feeling through a forced physical or emotional action or to deaden the feeling of hyper sensitivity through some excessive 'indulgance'.

[@MichiMavros]

Seafox0011 that was such an intelligent, deep explanation of dissociation, beautifully worded! thank you for leaving this in the comments im sure it will help so many people :)

[@trailer.prince]

Bpd is what caused my older brother to take his life. It split my life into two. Before and after Feb 9 2015 I'm not the same and the bpd intensified. I wish I had someone in my life who cared. Ty for your videos. All my friends moved or passed away

[@littlebolivian]

Thank you for sharing this. I literally told my husband those exact words the other day. If I don’t have any real world bpd connections, it’s always nice to watch your videos and feel like I’m not alone. 🌈❤️

[@jackdollateri2828]

This relates to my memory loss too

[@frankdavis8432]

Hey Michi - I had a really strong Discociative episode when I lost my wife 3 years ago, I recognized these"Far Out" feelings from the Dream State, and I thought I was Lucid Dreaming, or High, or died of a cardiac, was kinda scared, but for the most part "I Loved It" - I like to escape as much as possible from this hecric world. I've "Spaced Out" all my life, (and always kinda thought I was having an Autistic "in my own wold episode" when I was young and my teachers were trying to pin me down - now as I've gotten older, and quite accustomed to to High State, (sweet Cannabis), I juat now think that I trip naturally, (because I've done this all my life). Just want you to know, I enjoy hearing what you say, and I have full blown. B sucky PD. and your beautiful and very inteligent, (and I think it's so great your gonna, or already working in the PR industry, (as per one of your earlier videos😍

[@MichiMavros]

Frank Davis hey frank, thats awful about your wife - sometimes it takes us sooo fucking long to return to even somewhat stable living after such a monster of a situation like that happens, we cant prepare ourselves for it and our brains completely shut down, i know how you feel... theres so many coping methods out there, some better than others but healthy, natural alternatives are certainly better for our psyche, or at least that's what i hear from professionals... thank you so much!!! i love being in the public eye and being able to reach people (probably somewhat thanks to my BPD) thanks again for your lovely comment, cheers and stay strong :)

[@frankdavis8432]

Michi Mavros: Hey Michi, "you made my day, (actually night cuz I'm a Security person). I have a request...wirhin the past month, I viewed a video here on the tube, called, "Highly Sensative People and the Subcounscious, by a tuber, Candice Van Dell, I was absolutely enthrolled at, (and it just really spoke to me in a highly huge way, because all my life I felt like a type of knowledge was available to me, that is not heard about so much. Anyway Michi, was wondering if your highly inteligent brain waves might take on finding out more about this, (highly sensative people, and isaues of being aware of other peoples thoughts), (or maybe any of your own possible insights on this)?

[@suzanroth3186]

I do this too, we called it day dreaming, now they call it meditation. Can zone out all day, love it!!!

[@looseleafpaper4136]

Very well spoken and informative. Thank you

[@hwhernandez]

My significant other did this to me. Zoned out, off and on for about 3months. I had enough. Hours of FaceTiming while he was completely silent and unresponsive. I felt invisible to him. That was a “break-up” for me. I was completely done. He had already left me, physically without any warning two previous times. This “dissociative” period was worst than him being physically gone. I talked to him for hours, trying to stay positive. He broke me. He is doing better but is unable to see himself at all.

[@carolinehoneycutt5593]

Oh my god. I never comment. But now i know im not crazy or alone in this. THANK YOU

[@journeyoflovelightawakening369]

Thankyou, you're helping me understand "me" for the very first time in my life🙂

[@ramonlong5463]

Thank you for putting into words that which I had no name for. All these years, all the random places, thoughts, feelings Where am I going this time... It happened so much- entire days, even months, Thank you honey for helping me understand my dis-integration of self. All these years of not knowing who or what I was With Enlightenment comes awareness of past events - good or bad. Those bad ones really blow! Keep the Faith Girl! Mighty-Righteous you are.

[@paleobc65]

I've haven't seen BPD explained in such a eloquent and detailed way until I saw this video, THANK YOU

[@rutherhood5961]

I’ve been dissociated so much recently, I love it

[@toryhanson9799]

I'm go glad you brought up this topic! I've been waiting to see if you'd make a video about this as I often dissociate. Keep up the amazing work and information!

[@MichiMavros]

Harley thank you so much!!

[@danielraypickrel4316]

Great explaination.

[@greer3849]

Recently, my grandpa died and my dog was put down in the same week. I felt nothing. A few weeks later, my mom confronted me. Am I a fucking sociopath? Why don’t I feel anything? Why haven’t I cried? I responded with “I can’t handle it, so I don’t” and it was a kind of breakthrough with us. I don’t dissociate in a catatonic kind of way, I just flip the switch on my emotions and feel nothing at all. Thank you for making those videos so those of us who know this struggle don’t feel quite so alone or insane. ♥️

[@daniellenicole8161]

I'm pregnant with BPD and it's really hard. My emotions are all over the place all the time and what I usually used to numb myself (drugs/alcohol) I don't do anymore. Not saying I use to use a lot of drugs at all but mostly it would just be smoking weed or painkillers occasionally.

[@bhavinishah7774]

Hi, I don’t know if you will see this comment, but I was wondering how things are going with you and your baby?

[@mariewilliams194]

Garlic and olive oil and carrots is good for hormones. Pregnant women should eat healthy and avoid sugar. Do a lot of meditation and take deep breaths to avoid stress.

[@melinavdw342]

Me myself am diagnosed with BPD but I could never imagine myself being a mom, just because I know I am not going to be a good one with all this happening in me. Nothing personal, but I would like to know what motivated you to be a mom while having BPD?

[@tabbyd2592]

I never been open with this cus i never understood it myself i have a hard time separating reality and my dreams they run into together i really cant explain it but today looking up i came across bpd and did research the information i came across including these videos are dead on i never been open also because i felt like i was the only one experiencing these symptoms. Thank you for this video it open my eyes and help weight off my shoulder

[@michelesimko7541]

This is protective for you. Be grateful. It’s awareness that a negative happening triggered this happening

[@megancooper376]

That’s a very good description of dissociation and numbness. Thankyou. Struggling to stay present and connected and my feelings for my loved ones have gone flat. I know they will come back it’s just hard to not push people away when my feelings disappear

[@allyforsyth1]

I was at a meal with work and it was loud and busy and everyone was younger than me and they were all on their phones (being borderline I started thinking it was me, why they were ignoring me) I dissociated, someone had taken a few pictures, I saw myself dissociating for the first time, it was strange, I wasn't there, I'd gone off into my wonderland (that's what everyone who knows me calls it)

[@angiefewtrell3701]

Thank you so much im struggling so much right now and i cant explain it to anyone x

[@joebearfield9736]

You are Absolutely Amazing I would give anything to just care and contribute again....😢

[@zoeletlive]

This is one of the best videos I've seen on this topic and further expounding on BPD in general. Often times I feel as though I'm not able to verbally express what I'm experiencing, but everything has been explained so well by you in this. Thank you.

[@alexanderbennett5566]

Wow fineally someone who cant explain what ive bene feeling for years thanks

[@pipmasta4609]

thanks for your video... my partner of 5 years has BPD... it does help to understand BPD, but damn, for the partner of someone who has BPD can be severely frustrating...

[@breakfastime]

thank you for making this. never heard dissociation and bpd talked about where i actually related and it made sense, especially prolonged episodes/states and how you described it. people talk a lot about the ups and downs of mood swings and triggers but dont often touch on how hard that is to keep up with, even just reacting to my own thoughts and emotions let alone external stuff...dissociation is the obvious response. fighting prolonged dissociative states is the biggest barrier in my recovery and healing and even just daily life. no one seems to understand as its usually talked about episodically (people snap out of this?? :O ) and not as a more prolonged state.

[@ramonlong5463]

Exactly what I’ve gone through many, many times. Strange experience too say the least. It can be confusing to myself as well as those around me. You explained it perfectly comrade. Thank you many times over! “working recovery in bpd”...

[@jaydiggity9743]

I call it going to my happy place to shield myself from the bad

[@MUSTANG96CSR]

it feels like you are in a fog. you can hear everything, but can't respond. nothing matters. numbness.

[@smokey6153]

I find myself missing work to sleep or mindlessly watch TV, I think subconsciously its anxiety of the outside world, I'm scared of being rejected at work of being looked at like a wimp, my first job I ever had was stolen from me, and it set the scene up for me since... I have things I need to deal with , but I find that years have went by and I hardly remember much, looking back I've wasted alot of time disassociating... I want to get on track but the people around me dont understand and they're hard on me which makes me want to stick my head in the ground like an ostrich, it's a bad cycle

[@ldoetsch]

You are doing very good work. Keep going. Love to you.

[@adorehazel2757]

my cousin is the one who can clearly point out my dissociating me and her relatively have deep conversations and discuss our/my past a lot or childhood in general we are very close and and she always points out when I’m dissociating it amazes me because as soon as she says it I come back from blanking out and I always tell her how no one else notices it but maybe it’s because me and her like to talk about deeper things thoughts and feelings and other things. I do find myself telling myself a lot that if I don’t want to do this task that I will just be numb or go into auto pilot and it helps me get by I tend to do it a lot though where I detach myself. I do it if driving , test , social interactions, phone calls etc! I thought it was me riding my anxiety but really it’s me numbing myself so I don’t have to deal with my emotions:/ the world looks different from here. I usually dissociate a lot in conversations never giving eye contact. Does anyone relate with what I’m saying?

[@alexiswalsh9112]

if you do want to feel normal please listen to my advice. This sounds so fucking simple but this is how I now feel normal kinda. Since covid19 it can do a lot on anyone’s mental health (isolation) so start by getting vitamin D daily. Drink water but don’t chug it ever. Eat a balanced diet with less sugar and carbs and more meat and greens. EXERCISE ashen ur getting an episode or feeling “not real” got an do a 20-30 min exercise video on KZbin and focus on something else. EXERCISE makes me feel normal and whenever I feel weird I do this. Sleep good hours as well. Make sure you have a routine. It’s so simple but if u keep doing this you will feel better.. in the meantime watch comedy movies that make u laugh and exercise and TALK with friends and family cause for some reason that makes me feel normal

[@alexiswalsh9112]

Look for your triggers as well.. some of mine is loud music, zoning out, being on my phone to long, radios, car rides, and more.. once u know them focus on maintaining ur breathing and tell yourself I’m completely fine and say I DONT GIVE A FUCK and have that aditude whenever I dissosatate I say that and act like I I’m completely fine and I don’t freak out and I just talk about the weather or something. Whenever u are zoning out at allll go and exercise for 20 ish minutes

[@rosannabirks8152]

Thankyou so much for your videos. I was diagnosed on Monday. I've always been nicknamed dosie Rosie cause I zone out 🙃

[@garyarnold7500]

This is me, I never knew what it was originally, the doctor described its as depersonalisation- disassociation....BPD.... I’d love to know how much time Ive spent in my life gazing into oblivion alone in my mind.... it’s mostly traumatic episodes pain- could be linked to ptsd- I want help with this too... I don’t understand, why , when, how I just no it does.. it’s like falling asleep you don’t know you’ve done it till you wake up. I wouldn’t fully say I hate it....but....😞

[@nscott2590]

I dissociate more often than not. Literally almost permanently. Nothing feels real, almost ever. I use shock humor sometimes to get a response from people, to make myself “wake up” if that makes sense. Anyone else dissociate this much? Mine is the extreme version called Depersonalization

[@carlthellama3435]

I found your videos recently, I just turned 25 and I've dealt with this for many a years. It's great to see some awareness. It's kind of messed up how it's seen as a "woman's issue." Here's to hoping great videos like this spread. :)

[@ashleeblanton]

I've done it while doing homework on my computer (that was the first time I noticed something was off about myself) its a really weird feeling and I'm so glad youre explaining it. as I'm watching and reading more and more about BPD and other psychological things I'm feeling better that I'm learning more about myself I guess you can say and knowing I'm not the only one that has that feeling. I just remember when I was coming out of the "state". I remember looking around my room confused with this kind of light headedness but it wasnt like normal light headedness it was more of dizzy I guess you can say? Is this the dissociation you're talking about? Because this happens quite often.

[@MySpaceDxC_Suffo_AtTheGates]

I actually missed days of work because of dissociation. It’s a really painful situation to be in.

[@ladystrange4769]

I dissociate for months - a comfortably numb have no feelings really n don’t care who doesn’t like it. I’m totally aware when I’m doing it too

[@mariewilliams194]

I sometimes think it's not real and I feel I'm in a different time zone like it is a dream. Don't make drama about it people don't understand what is going on.

[@strawberryjpeg6000]

this is comforting

[@snesable]

preach it girl. just found you today... relating to everything you speak of....really great to be able to hear all this so well worded

[@misstery5942]

I don't know if disosciation is what o have I just get consumed by whatever is upsetting me but I still know what's going on around me... I just tune ppl out - not on purpose I just am so deep in what I'm feeling it's like just preoccupation?

[@tonypackham5421]

That is so true you certainly know what your talking about You are spot on .thanks for your video really helped me thanks. Tony.

[@jeffbeck8522]

Thank you for this video my fiancé has BPD and I just thought I was boring her or that she just didn’t care . Thank you

[@Pinkcandy777]

I understand x I'm a borderline x abused aged 3 till 17.

[@sikeedelic]

Thank you SO much for all of your videos!

[@MichiMavros]

Native Owl youre very welcome, thanks for the support!

[@bintmuhammeds8987]

Thanks! I Finally discovered why I was feeling like this and what it really is!

[@mentalbreakdance1322]

Not necessarily sure what your diagnosis is my mine is bipolar and I just have to say this video is helping so much. I’ve felt so much of this but didn’t know how to express it or I didn’t want to bc I don’t want to come off as a bad person or a bother but it really helps knowing I’m not alone. So thank you sm for making this video.

[@choosexolove]

This is one of the best explanations of dissociation I’ve seen on here. Thank you!

[@AnaDMTL]

I also feel like I'm not growing up at all. I entered college just two years ago (I'm 26 almost 27) and the kids there are more like me than my old friends, the ones that grew up with me.

[@baloodh2000]

Thanks for the voice! Really resonated a lot with this.

[@claudettem8382]

Hey Michi!!! Ah it is I Coeli muhahaha!! I recently found out you have a channel so I gave it a shot to watch your vids. I'm so glad that you, my fellow actress talks about things like this openly. Dunno why but just watching your videos just sort of just gives me confidence to open up more with what is on my mind as well. It's just that even though for a while you were with us in class I just keep thinking that omg hey! Someone I actually know and met personally DOES openly share what you've been through your journey. It's just because I know that these things like depression(which I have) and everything similar does exist though nobody I know really talks about it in person but people on the internet or Tv only. And since even though only you've only been with us for 2 weeks I'm glad I met you even for a while and I'm just here sort of baffled.... OMG you're a youtuber!! Love you alot

[@vdrmusicofficial]

Spot on for how I've been feeling. My dissociation has lasted a lot longer than weeks though.... it has lasted for months or years and happened a few times.

[@elinbirgis]

When I was younger I remember it felt like the world around change into waves. I was lying down in a bed and I was mesmerized by the feeling of comfort and beauty in my surroundings, and I remember thinking it was like sand dunes in the desert or waves on the sea. Other times it has been random occasions I suddenly feel the world shrinking in my perception, I stop being aware of my surroundings and instead it’s like my head is under water and sounds are distorted, I remember sitting in a park and there was a steady noise of water pouring and children laughing and distant voices and people walking on gravel. But when I sat there I there was a child I didn’t see that repeatedly banged something into the park bench, and the sound of metal to metal was intensified in my mind. I remember it feeling like My brain dozed of and time slowed down to match my slower thinking, and all sounds were less intense but the banging was more intense. My most recent experience was similar, I feel my surroundings vanishing or being less important, I feel less emotional because of the distance or detachment from reality. If you experience this or anything remotely close I suggest you tell a person you trust, maybe not parents in this case, it’s important to get help early so that you may learn what is happening to you and not get yourself into harmful situations because of it. All love to the souls that learned dissociation to survive as kids❤️

[@trymvanhatalo6831]

I could recognize a lot of what you were talking about. I struggle a lot with Depersonalization/Derealization and have been in it for 5 years now. Not recognizing your reflection, feeling like you are on autopilot, emotional numbness, feeling you are not thinking, time flying by without you noticing it at all, etc. Even episodes of deeper dissociation where you stare into nothing for up to hours. It is a lot I can tell you that. Hopefully I will get out of it somehow. I have looked at the criteria for BPD as well and find that I might actually have it myself. I’m gonna ask my psychologist about it🍻😉

[@trymvanhatalo6831]

Thank you so much for the video. I struggle a lot with dissociation and so I could really identify with how you explained it❤️

[@oshun301]

Great explanation ,helped me ! I so relate!

[@TheRoarWithin]

I get this all the time.