MY STORY: Borderline Personality Disorder

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT!!
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instagram: @michimavros
TikTok: @mentallymedusa
Facebook: Facebook.com/theblacklambshop
Hey guys - i have decided to share my story about my journey living with mental illness, and life before and after my diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) and depression, anxiety and other symptoms that accompany it. i am sharing this with you today not to induce sympathy, but to expand your knowledge about mental illnesses and what it is like to live with one. i want to spark a conversation and keep it going - in order to educate and to end the stigma surrounding mental health. i hope this inspires others to share their stories, to increase understanding of those around you and to reach out for those of us suffering quietly. feel free to leave your comments, start talking, askimg, becoming more aware, etc. thanks so much guys for allowing me to share and be open about this part of my life!!

[@AlexanderMccarthey87]

She's very perceptive about this. People rarely know this much about their own condition. That makes her extraordinary.

[@stevencarr5635]

I agree I've been dealing with it for 20+ yrs n still have trouble trying to understand it

[@cocainebuffet]

Look up the literature a borderline can tell u their problems and even how to fix it sometimes..but they can't actually put that knowledge to action,. It's one of the things about their illness..they enjoy the attention and manipulation they get from acting like this so they choose to live like a 6 year old

[@rcfreaks6281]

The attention validates them. nd validation is what they most need because they lack a core identity. Cluster B personalities look in the mirror and see no reflection. It's why living with one sucks the life out of you. @@cocainebuffet

[@AlexanderMccarthey87]

@@cocainebuffet It might seem like that, but there's a disconnect. It's easy when you're on the outside to say that they know exactly what they're doing, but you're mistaking manipulation for awareness. I understand why. They're not likeable. You're going to go to a place of blame, but it's not like you think. You have to really sit down and analyze your behavior constantly to see the patterns. They're very much stuck in their own bullshit. I don't care what the literature says. Modern psychology has very little insight into this disorder. They can't even treat it.

[@katelynkoenig848]

@@cocainebuffet nope. It is tremendously hard to deal with such everchanging emotions. None of us enjoy being like this. Hence why so many commit suicide. You are not being understanding or smart here sir. Disappointment

[@alexcaffarini7883]

Michi, I think you have explained BPD so well from the perspective of one who suffers from it. I was once in a relationship with a woman who suffered from BPD, but came away from the relationship with a lot of anger and hurt, and generalized much of that vitriol to all BPDs. But as I watched many videos like yours, I came away with a much better understanding of what you and other sufferers go through, and realize now how I could have been more compassionate, patient, and understanding. Thank you for your part in helping me realize this epiphany, and I wish you all the best as you travel your journey.

[@MichiMavros]

You are a compassionate human being for looking into something that you didn't understand and for being able to place yourself into the shoes of a disordered mind, rather than blame the person or every person with BPD for being this way. Thank you so much for your comment, I wish you all the best as well.

[@wendi2819]

Lovely and compassionate of you! Spread the word! This illness is so stigmatized! Thank you for educating yourself.❤️

[@sarenacarter1391]

Omg thank you so much! I was diagnosed with BPD and I didn't understand it. I just thought I was crazy and over reacted and clingy but you made me feel not so alone and understood! Thank you!

[@pandastrophic16]

I also have bpd... It's not fun :( but its nice to know I'm not alone..

[@suryaananda108]

I watched the whole thing. Brilliant! You’re incredibly brave. An well spoken to talk through all of that. At 34 suffering with BPD & many other illnesses I just want to give up. These last few weeks or more have been even more hell than most days. I’ve come down on medication & I don’t know what to do as I feel bound to it now. I’ve been extremely low & there’s a strange unreal & silent quality that’s very upsetting / disturbing. Very glad to find your channel. “Blessings” & hugs

[@suryaananda108]

PS: I got the hots for you ! 😉😊😆

[@appleCori88]

My best friend has BPD and its only been recently that she has been sharing her struggles with me. I found it so difficult to stay strong and help her through her depression, especially when she turned her anger on me. I knew she never meant anything she said but it was still really hard to handle. I have been doing as much research as possible to understand whats going on, but nothing has taught me more than this video. You have given me so much insight on this condition.

[@rcfreaks6281]

Read the following books 📚, 1) I hate you don't leave me. 2) Stop walking on egg shells 3) The Essential Family Guide to BPD. Understand that you cannot save anyone. You can remain friends with someone with bpd but count the cost. Set strict boundries and enforce them.

[@Adhdbme]

im afraid of being abandoned not because I depend on everyone because I don't like being alone because I start to feel worthless

[@madisonj5136]

Kassidy Cline I have panic attacks when I'm alone

[@michalinak.8589]

Than in moments like this, do something you are good at or go to a gym or something that will give you power and strength.

[@dr.blogaboutmyproblems3842]

You're not worthless if you're alone. You're worth is not based off of what others think of you.

[@shiddmcgee3197]

Shut up and get a job.

[@dr.blogaboutmyproblems3842]

you're a meany

[@glennjohn3824]

You seem so eloquent and comfortable telling your story... I wouldn't know where to start. I was adopted from an orphanage in 1970 and always felt dissociated from reality. Wish I had help when I was young like you. You inspire me, thanks for sharing ❤

[@HollandDamien]

BPD. I used to throw antidepressants, alcohol, weed, and hard drugs at it -- I did that for 20 years -- and now that I'm off of all substances it is in my face every day and I'm just tired. I don't think I'll do anything stupid, though, because I'm sober and determined to lead a good life despite it. But having to wear a mask in public or when I'm working is such a task in and of itself -- having to portray a facade of calmness and normalcy when the inner world is anything but. Explosive anger, crushing depression. Memory loss, anhedonia. I understand why some of us stay addicts for life or commit the ultimate act. I think staying sober and taking positive action, and getting psychiatric treatment, will help reduce the symptoms or I'm taking antidepressants again. Maybe someday there will be a cure (besides death of course -- that seems to cure everyone of everything, haha). I know my rhetoric sounds extreme but what it has done to me is extreme. It has altered the course of my life. I often feel like my soul is on fire and not in a good way, either: Like I'm scorching and whether I turn this way or that way, to tamp down the flames, I'm still scorching. I went jogging tonight, for example, and the wave of symptoms came in to compete with the blasting music. 25 years of this has made me partially insane. I use prayer, exercise, AA / NA meetings, and I'm on a waiting list for psychiatric assistance but I sometimes feel so... 'why do I bother with life?' or 'why do I bother with a substance free life?' It would be so easy to grab a beer and go down the other path again. But I won't. But to be 40 and STILL afflicted since age 13 is disconcerting. But I've only been sober 7 months so I have to give this a longer chance before throwing in the towel and going back on antidepressants.

[@ashastewart2862]

Damien Holland Stay strong! Keep fighting. 💜

[@time4chai995]

Damien Holland #ResilienceGoals

[@HollandDamien]

I don't blame anyone who has an illness for staying on meds for life. When it hits hard I get scared or disturbed that I'll be stuck in that zone. Luckily it normally lifts after a good night's rest. I'm glad I never hurt myself or anyone else in a way that cannot be recovered from. I begin working at my new job on February 6th so that has taken away a huge amount of anxiety. Financial or relationship problems can send anyone with BPD into a vicious emotional cycle. It's a very reactive condition (for me, at least, it is). The adrenaline rushes happen quite often over real or imagined events. It would take me ages to write everything out but this is a public forum and I just wanted to share a little bit because I know what this is. I've been diagnosed with it and told by more than one psychologist I have it. I feel better now, on my 8th month of sobriety, than I did when I wrote the first comment here. But the symptoms still follow me. It's just a matter of degree. The anhedonia is very persistent, for example, it robs me of the joy or pleasure in my accomplishments. But I just keep going and keep doing. At the very least the doom spells have ceased so I know I'm making gains.

[@IskurBlast]

You shouldn't be taking anti-depressants. Mood stabilizers maybe but not anti-depressants. Its only very recent that we have gotten a look into the brain and seen what is happening. The subgenual anterior cingulate cortex is doing the exact opposite of what happens in depression. In depression its overactive. Stress causes your emotions to be shut down. With emotional regulation disorder (also called borderline) the subgenual anterior cingulate cortex is inactive, its actually pretty much shut down. This means that your stress response is for your emotions to take over. Anti-depressants actually further reduce the function of the subgenual anterior cingulate cortex making the problem worse. This is why so many people who have emotional disregulation disorder kill themselves when taking anti-depressants. Its no different than giving a diabetic who is hypo an insulin shot because the symptoms look the same as hyper and killing them. The correct therapy alone can teach to use those inactive part of your brain and reduce the overactive part of your brain.

[@mariahconklin3765]

How have you been Damien ? I too suffer from BPD. I was diagnosed with it last year. I've been sober for about a month now. AA is awesome but I am a binge drinker so I feel super out of place there and feel that I can stop drinking any time. I've been extremely depressed and suicidal but I refuse to SI or drink or even smoke weed I just don't want stuff like that to change my mind and I do not want to rely on it. I think it's good that you have stayed sober for this long I hope that you still are sober and if not that's okay to don't beat yourself up over it. I hold a special place for addicts. Yeah that sounds really lame but I do. I've heard so many awful stories things that they have done to people, beating others, stealing, even one guy tried to get people to join his porn group (some our sicker than others) but I still feel sympathy for these people just have to stay away from those who are literally out to get me.

[@Crosbyisinmycloset]

My mom is in her mid-50s and suffers from severe BPD. She was diagnosed a few years ago and we are still trying to figure out to cope with it. It is very hard to put ourselves in her shoes, especially when she will start massive arguments in the family and is spewing insults. My dad found this video and sent it to me and the rest of my family, and we have all found this video very helpful to try to understand what mom is going through. We are still trying to find ways for her to get better to make it easier on her and the rest of us, because it does consume our lives. Thank you for posting this video, it has been a huge step in the right direction for my family and I to find my mom the help she needs.

[@MichiMavros]

how is your mom doing now? thank you for sharing your story. it must be hard for your family but you are all taking steps to better the unfortunate situation, hope all is well :)

[@achimwokeschtla7582]

I grew up with a mother with full blown BPD and strong traits of NPD completely unable for self reflection just constantly blaming everybody else for everything and sudden emotional explosions for no obvious reason at all ... it was like living in a mine field ... Meditation helped me to get through my puberty land staying as sane as possible ... You can only help someone who wants to be helped, who realizes that something is wrong ... Not getting caught up in the drama and staying in your center realizing that it has nothing to do with yourself was the key for me to live with that situation and eventually finding peace and a way of respectful dealing with each other ... That all helped me in my life dealing with partners with traits of BPD and/or NPD ... it’s all about not getting caught up in the drama ... externally and internally

[@MrJonny16392]

ive just been diagnosed with BPD and ive gotta say it sucks not feeling like you have a place in the world, constantly at war with your own mind wondering what it is you've done so wrong for yourself to hate so much about yourself. i was literally ready to give up but now i know its treatable and there is light at the end of the tunnel i can finally see myself marrying my girlfriend and having a kid, but before i would destroy everything and make that impossible. thankyou for sharing your story, youve made me understand that it does get better :)

[@spikedias]

I just watched this entire video... I learned soooOOoOOOoo much from this. I knew someone who had these symptoms, and I was always so confused as to what her situation was. I tried so hard to understand, but now it all makes so much sense. This has brought closure to something I was struggling to comprehend for so long. THANK you.

[@ATCguy1973]

Thank you for your honesty. Unfortunately the real obstacle of dealing with the symptoms of BPD is not only with the doctors and medical professionals who refuse to help head on, but it's their bosses the insurance companies. This is an illness that needs to be taken seriously. You keep fighting the fight and remember you're never alone!

[@YaRev85]

I'm 31 and was diagnosed with (Quiet) BPD earlier this year after a 5 year struggle with depression (ongoing struggle I should say). I really can't thank you enough for helping articulate what I've been going through all my life, and thank you for being an example of how one can still live with this disorder.

[@debbierayson7422]

Thank you so much Michelle for explaining your symptoms. My daughter has sent this to myself and a few other family members to explain how she feels. This has helped us so much to understand her. I wish you all the best of luck and thank you so much again for being so brave and helping so many other people understand BPD :-)

[@AnbruchASMR]

I really commend your courage in opening up about your BPD. I have it also (with other comorbid stuff) and I was nodding my head and going "Yes! This is what it's like!" watching this. You are very insightful and articulate and I hope this video gets a ton of views!! Keep on keeping on xx ♡

[@MichiMavros]

Ahh you're so sweet!! Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to write this lovely comment and spreading positivity. It truly helps in feeling like I'm not alone and that there is always someone that understands you. Stay strong and positive, you deserve all of the good energy you put out :)

[@AnbruchASMR]

Thank you!! I wish you all the same

[@MichiMavros]

thank you for such a sweet message

[@sarahbautista7893]

your explanations almost made me cry because i've felt that my entire life. i can't even pinpoint a certain thing because your entire video is how i've tried to explain myself for as long as i can remember. just the fact that i can relate to this is so overwhelming! i would really like to talk to a professional about it because the more and more research i do on BPD the more i feel UNDERSTOOD for the first time in my life, but my parents are sort of ignorant when it comes to mental illness and refuse to take me. 🙃 thank you for the video!

[@seanr521]

Thanks for sharing - as someone whos not 100% happy currently and trying to understand myself better - I really admire people like you who have the courage to talk about their mental health challenges openly to help inform others & reduce stigma. I wish you every happiness ❤

[@ama.p3nn]

Michi! thank you so much for posting this! you have no idea how much it has helped me, im still awaiting a diagnosis but im almost certain its either a form of bipolar or bpd! I have had a number of diagnosis of depression and very long ago a mood disorder but nothing ever came of that one for some reason. I cried throughout this video mainly from relief, as well as pain from recognition; you so eloquently articulated ur story, the phrases you used, the details... thank you so much, this is the most helpful video i have found so far where my mental health is concerned. I'm going to go ahead and check out your channel. Thanks so much again! M xxx

[@annasalko]

I’m so happy I found your channel. It’s so comforting to hear someone else literally describe my life and how I feel on a daily basis. Thank you so much for sharing you are so brave.

[@judefowler6687]

Thank you for posting this video. I can't stress how helpful it is to hear about your experience as everything you've said is the split of what I feel every day. It's a struggle but I'm really glad to hear you're coping better these days.

[@JonPearson-mm1cd]

Thank you Michi. I think my partner has BPD. She isn't quite ready to explain exactly what it feels like in her head, so it's a huge help to me that you explain your experience, so I can better support her. I wish you all the best in life and on your journey.

[@flurprl4007]

yeah when just existing to be "yourself" takes energy and focus to maintain all day; it really drains you day after day. This video probably was so hard to make and put yourself out there for all of us. greatly appreciated michi

[@weepinggwillow1015]

wow michelle, this has been super cathartic hearing for myself thank you for expressing this, its so needed

[@mirandabradford2795]

how do I cope without a support system? I have BPD, depression, and social anxiety. how can I make friends when I ruin every relationship I've ever had...

[@MichiMavros]

I know how you feel, it seems as though BPD alienates you from everyone else and the possibility of support seems hopeless but I promise you will find the right people who will be there for you despite your illness

[@renacleerican7824]

I ve been diagnosed with bpd and cptsd, I am an addict, homosexual, abandonned at birth then adopted by chaotic pple, I am poor, no more family( they rejected me cause I speak up about the abuses me and my sister have endured, and caise I am gay), no friends, no lover. Life is not working for me. I have tried many times to kill me, in vain. I will never heal from what they have done to me when I was a baby/child/teen, my brain is now wired like in survival mode everytime. I am exhausted, I look 10 years older than I am, cause I was homeless, and my life is so stressfull. I am 36. When I look at my past, I feel so sad for all the opportunities I couldnt handle cause I was not thinking normally. I have wasted my youth, given it to very bad pple, for nothing. Now I am too broken, too traumatized, too poor, too alone. I have tried SO HARD to heal, to try to connect to pple, to be normal. I failed, I am ready to end all this shit. Edit: I like your video. Merci Michelle you are precious. Dont do the same mistake as me: love yourself first ALWAYS.

[@NatD-ye9fk]

Thank you. I have never had a way to get people that are close to me to understand my diagnosis and what I go through on a daily basis. I have struggled with BPD for years but only recently got a diagnosis (I had no idea about BPD until the diagnosis) . After 9 years of being told I have depression, to find out their is another underlying issue was amazing. I'm turning 20 next week, last week, 3 of my friends from therapy took their own lives. Today has been a battle but hearing this has finally given me something to show my family and friends what I go through daily. THANK YOU.

[@heliosphere9789]

I think it is really helpful for others to understand BPD. You are a very strong woman being able to talk so openly about the things that "haunt" you. Kudos for sharing and thank you very much!

[@LizzieJD]

You seem such a lovely person. I'm sure all this stems from being so hurt. It will pass because you're beautiful inside and out. I admire you're openness and honesty. I can see you're life improving so much, keep positive.

[@MichiMavros]

This was honestly so sweet and beautiful to hear, thank you Lizzie so much. I'm glad to be able to connect with people like you, it truly helps at the darkest of times, remembering that there are people that understand and live the same life and that we are never alone. Take care and keep spreading that positivity and ray of sunshine

[@LizzieJD]

Michi - You certainly do send your message to all in the world. I live in England! Don't despair, I've had some very difficult times in life and at times thought I was going quite mad, even though I wasn't. For me becoming vegan and refining my diet helped loads. Then I took up meditation and that worked completely, I've never felt 'down' since. I do TM meditation, it's beautiful, it cultures all the nervous system and relaxes all your mind. I think all your problems stem from sadness, having a difficult time. Bullying, which I had too, is one of the worst things in life, it makes you powerless. Powerlessness causes depression. I haven't tried yoga yet, but I'm hoping too. I think you're such a kind person, seeing you with your cat was so touching, and I could see your dog in the background too. Remember how very nice you are at all times. Thanks for the reply, it was nice to read. Lizzie xxxx

[@julioestorga9546]

Michi Mavros hello how are you?

[@julioestorga9546]

Michi Mavros alcoholics do not have gray or reasoning. Do not have any cognitive skills when they're drunk.

[@julioestorga9546]

you get bored very quick don't you?

[@tigerex777]

I think this is the best borderline video I've seen ever. You're so good and articulate when you express the things you want to say. Even when it seems like you're kinda struggling to say these things you sound very cohesive and articulate. Very well done.

[@MichiMavros]

thank you so much!!! I have more videos about BPD if you wanted to check them out :) take care

[@MichiMavros]

thank you so much!!! I have more videos about BPD if you wanted to check them out :) take care

[@jibberjabber25]

Hi Michi. Thanks so much for posting this. I have suffered with BPD most of my life, but was diagnosed in January. I'm 30 now. I'm a bit lost at the moment and can definitely relate to everything that you say. The problem where I live (in England) is that the stigma is so bad and if you can't work because of your BPD you are punished with constant assessments and tests to get welfare just to live. Your doctor or psychiatrist saying that you're not well is not enough. I've had enough of this and that's when I have serious suicidal thoughts. I make plans and even make journeys to go and end my life and wrote a note recently. Watching your video has helped me to see that I'm not alone. Thank you so much.

[@MichiMavros]

That's so awful to hear that you are not getting the care and help that you deserve :( in Canada it is similar, as if you are too sick to work but not sick enough to receive treatment or assistance. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place and I as well have contemplated suicide on many occasions because I feel like my situation will not get better, and not being able to see the light at the end of the everlasting dark tunnel that is BPD is so hopeless but I promise you that as long as we have each other and continue to discuss and spread the word about this illness the less ignorance there will be. It is a slow journey, painful even, but I hope that our suffering will lead to a better future - one where we will be celebrated for our hardships and will to live rather than cast down upon for being different. Stay strong

[@jibberjabber25]

Thanks again. I agree that united we can get through this. :)

[@tallulahwonders2816]

I resonate a lot, esp on feeling extremely empathetic, yet also apathetic at times. As well as focusing on my appearance for years when I was younger, being seen as vain or self obsessed but was really insecure, self hating, went through intense ED’s and self harm in highschool for years. Proud of your growth and success’. Hope you are thriving with your family present day! It’s important to take stock of our accomplishments and have we’ve grown so we can celebrate it, cause even when you’re 21 and self sufficient on your own, it doesn’t seem like enough bc you’ve got all you need yet you’re unpacking a lifetime of trauma it’s hard to feel good bc chaos feels comfortable but as we know that’s jusr what we’re used to. I’m currently working on slowing down, enjoying, relaxing

[@georgiawebb3065]

I hope you realise how helpful this is too me, I have BPD and I was diagnosed at the age of 17, now 22.. everything you say in this video I relate too 100%, thank you for making this video and helping other people understand our illness, all my love, from Australia! 💜

[@lilithbernstein]

O my gods, yes, yes, yes! Thank you so much! I'm doing a lot better these days as in I can more easily get/think myself out of bad situations and understand myself a lot better. But sometimes things still get dark and bad and desperate. So thanks for sharing your story...I do feel less alone.

[@fiyah34]

So glad I came across your videos. Your stories almost mirrors my 12 yr. old nieces life. She was diagnosed with ODD at 3 and is now showing very evident signs of BPD but she needs further assessments by a clinician. She has been recommended to get DBT because no other therapy has helped her up to this point.

[@kaylamags1]

I really needed to hear everything you have said. I have been battling alone for a long time. I was diagnosed over 10 years ago and refused to accept my diagnosis. Refused treatment and stopped all therapy. I never really believed it. It took me so many years to face the reality. I'm 40 yrs old and just now starting to look for help. I still have the symptoms, not the intensity of my 20s and 30s, but they are all still there. Thank you for this video.

[@amethystkorn]

I swear, the specifics may have been different but listening to u talk about ur childhood was almost like listening to my own. Thank you for sharing your story as well as the information about our disorder. There was actually some stuff in there I didn't know that gives me hope (I'm almost 40). It's good to know I'm not alone!

[@stephanielaforet6299]

Hi I am 25 years old and on the road to recovery. my behaviours have stemmed from my childhood until now. I have struggled most of my life searching for answers. I have reached the point where I have to take serious action for my life to get any better. My marriage is suffering and everything else around me. Seeing this video reassured me that I am not alone and I can get through this. You are a beautiful lady inside and out! God bless you on your journey!

[@MichiMavros]

you are beautiful and you deserve to get better for yourself !!! take care :)

[@LeoKnightUsChand]

Every situation is a new game that you have to learn to play

[@Rachel-yw4qx]

You've explained this so much better than I could ever have. I can relate so much to what you've said and I wish I could express it the way you have. Thank you for posting this video, honey.

[@melissawest9022]

Wow. I have never searched BPD on KZbin before and I have never heard anyone else's story. This is 100000% how I feel everyday everything you are saying is exactly me. I definitely have the "All or Nothing Syndrome" (as my counselor puts it) but I always feel I like no one understands. Your story puts a lot a lot of things in prospective. I'm trying so hard to cope with everything wrong with me and this helps soo much. If there is anyway I could talk with you I would greatly appreciate it! Thank you so much for posting this video :)

[@MarySmith-pq9zt]

Your videos are really helping me understand and accept what I think is going on with me. I am in treatment and although he hasn't diagnosed me officially yet as having borderline it sure seems to fit my situation. I can really relate and think you're very brave to put this out there for others. No judgement here. Just wanted to say thanks.

[@SamTarani]

Dear Michi, Thank you for having the courage to talk about this and sharing your story! It is admiring!! I am proud of you! You seem to be doing great! Just keep the positive thoughts and the happiness that surrounds you. Also, the true happiness is right here within ourselves. Have faith in yourself and believe that part of you that connects you to all universe. You are a beautiful part of this beautiful world!

[@MichiMavros]

Sam Tarani wow thank you so much for the positive energy!!! people like you are the reason i continue making videos, if it wasnt for your support i wouldnt have the strength. thanks again!!! take care :)

[@a.i.override8914]

All of the personal accounts you gave describe my experiences almost 100%. I was informally diagnosed with "elements" of bpd. I was formally diagnosed with autism/Asperger's, PTSD numerous times, and of course the usual depression and anxiety. Your videos are SUPER helpful. Thank you.

[@bryanamiller5065]

Your videos have helped me cope so much. Thank you for sharing! I never felt understood or that my feelings were ever valid until I stumbled upon your videos.

[@TonyLewis42]

Thank you for sharing your personal story. Spot on to my gf. I've been studying BPD for years and always look for videos to share that might spark her to get help this was really well done.

[@MichiMavros]

thank you so much! that really means a lot. I urge her to get help as well, but sometimes it can be scary to admit there's a problem and truly accepting the fact that you're mentally ill is a challenge. I hope you and your girlfriend find whatever works for you!! sending good vibes your way.

[@abbiesanderson8218]

Thank you so much for posting this, many people believe I have BPD and I am going to an emergency Mental health appointment today after a suicide attempt and SH this week. Hearing your positivity makes me less scared.

[@MichiMavros]

stay strong, you are more than your illness. always remember that :)

[@steelerainewhite]

Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts. It is truly amazing how well you're able to convey how you feel and what you do to cope. This has helped me. I appreciate you.

[@FenrirFang94]

Thank you so much for sharing! Your story will help many others who might be dealing with similar issues, thank you for the courage you showed by posting this

[@sikeedelic]

Thank you so much for helping others not feel so alone. Once we get rid of the stigma, a lot can change!

[@MichiMavros]

haha you know it! thank you for your support

[@DestinyKokesch]

it's a blessing your father is still alive 🙏 my mother died of a brain aneurysm when I was 11, my father died when I was 12. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and PTSD at 13.. went through alot of abuse .. I was bullied, I started cutting alot at 10.. first attempted suicide at 11. and again at 13. treatment.. tons of meds and more .. at 18 I got out of treatment. got into hard drugs.. been sober for 175 days and now was diagnosed with BPD. it sucks. but I live on as I now am 6 months pregnant. you are a strong woman and its nice to see others who I can relate to.

[@jbmpitbull66]

I am 50 and have BPD I hate to tell you while it may get better for some people with age, age is NOT a cure all I promise you! For me, it is still hell, everything is still very much black and white and I still have an extreme issue with I either love you or you are my worst flippin enemy. Just because you get older is not a guarantee that it will all get better! I hate to be the bearer of bad news but at least in my case, those are the facts of life! Stay safe, it can't go on forever.

[@LilacsAdore]

Johnathan Mitchell Hugs, you're a survivor, and so strong.

[@SweetPea112]

Johnathan Mitchell I was diagnosed BPD a month after my 50th birthday. I had attempted suicide twice and my attempts were so unexpected. I also attempted cutting sporadically. I finally got into therapy and asked why my attempts were so sporadic and was told I had BPD. I have completed a year of DBT and I'm doing ok, but yea. Age really doesn't help. I hope you are doing well!

[@jbmpitbull66]

Beth Wade I take it one day at a time but really pardon the pun but my only saving grace is my relationship with my Saviour!

[@kristeenfuller]

BPD isn't just going to get better with time. Toxic thinking patterns must be changed. That takes learning and person growth that takes a constant choice from the individual. Taking an honest look at the origins why we think the way we do and why we perceive the world the way we do is very hard to do but if we don't go back and look at, process, grieve, fix the core of the belief system that creates the toxic patterns we can't build healthier patterns that will have any stability. The core wound(s) must be delt with.

[@SweetPea112]

Kristy Timothy That's interesting. I don't disagree with it, but it's kind of conflicting when you compare to what I was taught in DBT. First, DBT isn't 'Therapy as usual'. We didn't really delve into those issues and I taught me how to deal with my response to those issues/traumas. Also, I had to sign a Contract stating that I would not seek any other therapy while in DBT. Now that I've Graduated DBT I am trying to decide if I should enter into Psychotherapy. That seems counter-productive at this point. Interesting though. Maybe I should go into Psychotherapy and deal with those traumas. It's kind of confusing.

[@KristyLeeVlogs]

Beginning at 14:52 that's EXACTLY how it happens with me! That's exactly how my fights with my bf go... people will ask what he did or said and I don't remember or he'll tell me something I did or said and I don't remember.

[@harperadamz5290]

Omg this made me cry it's makes so much sense ! . Struggling to get the diagnosis but have an assessment soon so hopefully I will finally get an understanding of what the hell is happing to me . Thankyou so much for sharing your story it's really helped xx

[@bekibooza13]

You explained this so well. I wish I could thank you and hug you in person right now. I was diagnosed about 6 months ago but overlooked it and tonight I've been researching and i feel relieved to be able to put all the pieces together and understand why I am the way I am... Thank you for putting this up. Also you're really pretty by the way

[@MichiMavros]

bekibooza13 thank you for all of your kindness!!! virtual hugs sent your way xoxo hope youre doing well.

[@deer9849]

I'm a young young person, I've been through more physically and mentally than most people at my age and I think I've felt crazy for what feels like forever because I've always been almost... on a different sensitivity level than other people, or like.. another brainwave. I'm glad to see this video and finally hear someone else say the same things i've been saying and thinking to myself everyday. I'm only just now truly learning that my way of thinking and living life can be explained, helped and sort of. justified,, i dont know. ive just hated thinking im a bad person for feeling and seeming so out of control. thank you for posting your story and sharing a bit of your brain, i connect

[@beckstervanc4947]

Wow, I feel like you opened up my head and read my thoughts and feelings. I completely relate to what you’re saying. I feel almost relieved because now I get why I am the way I am. I’m currently awaiting a psychological assessment after years of doctors just simply diagnosing me with “low mood” and anxiety; all the while I’ve been frustrated because I know there’s more to it than that. Watching your video offers me some comfort because at least I know that I’m not alone in how I am. It just makes senses now. I just hope that a definitive diagnosis will help me to accept why I am this way and then I hope that I’ll get the therapy I need to help me cope with my existence. You are incredibly brave and mature; verbalising your thoughts like this demonstrates the amazing qualities you have. If you gain anything from my comments just know that you have helped a 45 year old woman in London who has struggled with every aspect of life from as early as I can remember. Thank you, you have no idea how grateful I am for your candour and honesty. I wish you the very best in life xxx

[@susannahXD]

I had a friend who I think has bpd. She was completely overflowing with love for me for quite a while, even when we had only just met and barely knew each other. We grew distant and had an argument though, and she became like the ice devil towards me. She also struggles a lot with mental health, and is extremely impulsive. I used to worry about her a lot, but now she's out of my life it's actually such a relief to me because our friendship became very toxic. Luckily she has a wonderful boyfriend who supports her, and several other supportive friends, so I'm not worried about her any more. But I do hope she finds out about her condition and gets the right support. I guess I'm also still pretty angry with her for being so cold, although I know it's part of the bpd. I wish she could have acknowledged that even if she couldn't change it. She never was able to put herself in my shoes.

[@hadleyhuff9349]

I've been struggling with bpd since I was about 15 years old and I'm about to turn 21. I have learned to cope with it a little bit, but it's still a daily struggle. Everything you have said explains how I feel, it's nice to know there's other people out there that feel the same way because I've never personally found someone else who felt the same way. Thanks for sharing your story, stay strong

[@mariavictoriaoliveiraespin1749]

Michi, you said all, you've just disribed everything that I feel and think. BPD is not easy, i'm on treatment right now, but everyday is steel a strugle. Hope we get better, thanks for this video, it's nice to know that I not alone in this.

[@abbycrawford9713]

You have no idea how much this video helped me. Definitely made me feel less alone. You're great!

[@MichiMavros]

thanks girl!! I have felt the same way as you and I know there's lots of us out there, we shouldn't have to feel ashamed :) take care

[@TheFissionIsMailed]

Excellent explanation when speaking about the "roles" we play in life. Watching you makes me feel a little bit more normal, having felt a ton of the things you elaborate on in the video. ♥ Much love, take care, know that you never alone in this.

[@missmentalavenged]

I was diagnosed with bpd when I was around 16. I went to therapy for a few years and it helped a lot. But my parents to convinced me to stop going because they thought I didn't need it anymore and I was all better and I just agreed because I wanted to make them happy. Now in my 20s I really really wish I hadn't stopped going because in the past few months it's really been hitting me hard. I still don't think my family really understands hard this is for me. Thank you for making this video. I was in tears watching this just because I can relate so much and I've never seen anyone describe it in the way you have. 😊

[@Love2nurse93]

I can relate so much to this video. I have been having a ton of issues lately that may possibly point to BPD. I have been dealing with mental heath issues my whole life. I have Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, PTSD, and GAD. I appreciate this video. Thank you for sharing your story!

[@Ginny0905]

I am so so glad that you have done this. It's a difficult thing to discuss. you are very brave, I am very thankful for all the help you have given me. it's a good feeling to know it's not just me dealing with this.

[@MichiMavros]

Ginny Lankford thank you so much Ginny thats very sweet!!!!! :)

[@daniellemaurais8422]

I was just diagnosed with BPD yesterday...thank you for sharing. This is a hard thing to deal with....

[@LuisTheFilmHack]

You're very brave to share your story and getting therapy is the smartest thing in the world you could have done. DBT is specifically geared for borderlines so you're doing the right thing. I briefly moved in a with a girlfriend who was an untreated borderline (I didn't know how serious the disorder was at the time). It was the most terrifying experience of my life. I lived with her for less than a month and my experience with her left me with a moderate case of post traumatic stress disorder for which I needed therapy (I was experiencing disassociation and frequent intrusive thoughts). My ex-girlfriend needed therapy badly but up until the time I met her, she had deliberately avoided it even though she lives in a country where it's free. The pain of losing me due to BPD finally prompted her to start therapy but the wrong type, unfortunately. She was 49 at the time. Don't be like my ex-girlfriend. Stay in therapy. Confront your disorder. Do your best to manage it well. Then and only then can you have a productive and happy life.

[@rosebudd5724]

Luis The Humanist, Hi. You say that living with your ex was the most terrifying time of your life, and that you PTSD because of it. Please can you elaborate on why it was so terrifying. I mean, what kind of things did she do that left you traumatised? I am just trying to understand more about this disorder.

[@ajboyd9389]

Thank you so much, I'm 25 year old guy from the Scotland, and have Bpd, and its amazing to see you being so brave to share your story, I wish I had your courage, unfortunately due to my experience of living with this, ii feel to ashamed to share my story. but thank you for sharing yours. And just to be clear, the exact definition of borderline, is the borderline between neurosis and psychosis :)

[@MichiMavros]

thanks for clearing that up for me!! I'm sorry that you feel as though you can't share or be open about your illness but I hope one day we live in a world where it's talked about as easily as having a sprained ankle.. that is what I hope to help achieve anyways.. I will be making more videos talking about mental illness, thank you for sharing your support :)

[@ajboyd9389]

+Michi Mavros (shakenspeare) I totally agree, but as I'm sure your aware, jealousy is very prominent and caused me to do some stupid stupid , but I realized now, its never that you don't trust the person, deep down, its that you don't trust yourself, or your worth. x

[@jessicabutler6497]

This is the most relatable description. Thank you.

[@leoostendorf4467]

Wow! I was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago but focused more on my Bipolar diagnosis. Now is the time. Thank you!

[@obieone1594]

when you started talking about not feeling like a person at all it all just hit me. thanks for posting this x

[@MichiMavros]

No problem at all, sometimes it helps to hear it from a third party, it makes more sense and makes us all feel a bit better about being "different".. Sometimes we need to be reminded that we are not alone and suffering is not always silenced. Take care x

[@Eyes2theSkies]

Michelle, great job. I admire your bravery and thank you for reaching out to us, your story is encouraging to me as I'm sure to many others who find your channel. Keep up the good work!

[@philippwittkopf7219]

you are so great. your truthful speaking about yourself, helps others (i guess, at least me) a lot to understand you and others who feel the same like you! And to inspire and encourage them! 👍👏 you doing a lot to cure a lot of sorrow and make the world a better place! 👏

[@laylahthoennes7366]

The way you describe your story and feelings is amazing and is really helpful to me personally. Thank you!

[@ltkritzinger]

Thank you for sharing your story... So many similarities to my life and feelings. My mother had mental health problems, my dad was made redundant and started drinking. I felt neglected and sometimes emotionally abused. I had bad acne and some kids at school rejected me... One boy's friends dared him to ask me to be his girlfriend as a prank, I only found out later that he never liked me. I learnt healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms. I read lots of books and lived in imaginary worlds, and channelled my too-big feelings into song-writing. I discovered the release that being drunk provides when I was 13, but only started having regular opportunities to get drunk with friends at 15. Later on there was smoking, drugs, destructive relationships, inability to complete a uni degree, a failed marriage. I'm constantly struggling against the idea that there is no future, nothing to look forward to. Anti-depressants help. I feel like no-one, it's like I need other people like a mirror to assure me that I'm someone. My days are an attempt to fill a void that can't be filled. I am doing better at the moment, I never know how long bouts of okayness will last, I feel like a time-bomb. Things are going suspiciously well right now, surely this can't last. I spend and drink impulsively. I quit smoking ten years ago, started again this past year, and quit again. Not for me, but for my husband. It's hard to really care about myself. Every day is a winding road...

[@jennygump5835]

Therese Kritzinger it was nice to hear that you have a husband. He's understanding of the bpd, right?

[@treo5555]

I feel you, sister. Just hang in there. I am at the point that the time-bomb just exploded. A lot of the addictions back in the game. Don't know what will come out of this. This time.

[@ltkritzinger]

Jenny Morris, not diagnosed, but think it sounds like me sometimes. He has grown to understand my ups and downs and my neuroses... It took time. I'm lucky.

[@jennygump5835]

***** my boyfriend is very understanding, but I think that he believes in the long run I can be "cured" or something. I had to give up all my friends because they were all drug addicts or assholes so I could eliminate negative people in my life, but now I have no friends & no way of really meeting anyone since I work from home :( I feel like my anti depressants have plateaued & Xanax doesn't really work for me, just makes me tired. And I swear my therapist is incompetent. I wish I had someone to talk to who knew what it's like.

[@ltkritzinger]

treo5555, so sorry to hear that :'( Hope you can overcome your addictions. Life is hard.

[@hannamoody7840]

i feel like you explained this the best that I've ever heard. i am diagnosed with bpd

[@lskath6980]

You are absolutely gorgeous. And so intelligent...you are so well spoken and wonderful at explaining yourself. Thank you for helping me understand this disorder better. I have a few friendly acquaintances that have been diagnosed within the last couple of years so I am trying to understand not only the disorder but also how it affects the individual. So thank you for sharing..I certainly hope you are doing well ❤️ Oh and your cat is so damn cute!

[@amyreolon7176]

thank you for making this video! you seem like a lovely person I struggle with BPD and everything you said in this video I can relate to and it kills but hearing from someone like you with your story shows I'm not alone and you can survive it, I've had counseling but I think I will try DBT! Again thanks for your video your an inspiration 💙

[@MichiMavros]

Amy Reolon youre such a sweetheart your comment brightened up my day!! thank you so much im glad i could be of help, i hope DBT works great for yoy and you have a speedy recovery ❤

[@katieh.8003]

I've become so afraid of abandonment that I do the most to avoid people at all costs. Its like I've convinced myself that everyone is better off without me ignoring them and eventually hurting them. I struggle with so many things and I avoid getting further help because I feel like there's nothing left for anyone to do.

[@wilsonv929]

you have explained this so beautifully. Thank you for sharing your story, I want to share mine and will at some point. As a fellow BPD, very glad you are still here and opening up to the world to help and comfort other people suffering with this. Thank you again and sending you love from Indiana :)

[@MichiMavros]

thank you so much!!!! I can't wait for you to share yours, send me a link and I would love to check it out when you do but in the meantime, remember that you are capable of so much. stay strong :)

[@alldayeveryday88]

thank you so much for sharing this. you put it in a nutshell perfectly. sometimes, when i think about telling someone, i can't seem to figure out what I'd say... this is it :) keep going.

[@MichiMavros]

thank you for your kind words, take care

[@hannahpumpkins4359]

Thank you for being honest and open - I appreciate you sharing those private aspects of your life...

[@theoutlander2873]

I never thought I'd fall in love while watching a video on BPD... Well, not "in love" of course, but certainly mesmerized. Your voice and mannerisms are very calming, and you have a very natural beauty. Besides that, you presented your topic very well.

[@sigridanitahaugen6613]

I have never really come accross someone with BPD until reacently. Don't know anything about it or how hard it must be to deal with it. I think you are really though who put yourself out there and shared your story dealing with it to us. I know people are different dealing with mental illness, but it is an eyeopener for some. I think its good knowledge for people to know how BPD can affect a person and those around them. And I think is very imporant for those who want to be there for someone with BPD to communicate and know how they can be a good support.

[@sherrilambert7572]

I wanted to thank you for sharing. I have a daughter that may have this and hearing your story helped me get an idea of what she may be dealing with internally. I definitely can see externally some of the things you described.

[@MsAlyssa218]

Thanks for sharing this. I have BPD as well. You hit the nail on the head when you said you sometimes feel like a narrator rather than an actual person. I felt like that a lot in the past and I never heard anyone say they feel the same way. Thanks for sharing.

[@MsAlyssa218]

Also, if you're ever interested in talking about BPD with someone else also going through it, I would love to talk with you.

[@MichiMavros]

+MsAlyssa218 thanks, it's so great not feeling alone and unlike everyone else. I'd like to talk as well! you can reach me at facebook.com/michimentalhealth

[@HashemSmashem]

Thank you for posting this video, Michi. It was very insightful. Being in the medical field myself, I truly value listening to people's experiences and how they feel and rather learn from the patients themselves than from a book; especially for psychiatric disorders since they're intangible to some degree. I watched the whole thing from start to finish and I feel as though I'm very proud of you and your journey and where you are now; I sincerely pray that you will find your way in life and be happy :) P.S. your eyeliner is on fleek! haha. Best wishes from Saudi Arabia! :D

[@chelleanita5367]

Michelle I thought you did brilliantly. I have BPD too, diagnosed 6 years ago and I'm just getting to grips with it now, I wish I could explain it the way you have, touching on every aspect, it's amazing, I'd have to follow notes I'm useless lol. lots of love to you girl, keep fighting. Head held high, lv Chelle in Yorkshire xxx

[@MichiMavros]

Thanks Michelle for your very kind words! BPD in and of itself causes us to feel alienated, alone, misunderstood. that's why it's so great hearing from others that the symptoms I share are not in fact due to me, but due to our disordered minds. take care

[@salvatorej.quaglieri7792]

I'm glad (but not glad) there's someone else like me. I admire you. I wish you luck, we can fight this. Thank you for this video!

[@analozada9475]

It became a diagnosis in the DSM in 1980, but the term was created, and has been used by psychiatrists, and psychologists since 1938. One example is the very famous movie based on a true story, Girl Interrupted, which was based in the 60's and that diagnosis was used by psychiatrists then already.

[@chixoxotown]

Never understood the details of bpd until this video, thank u! I could never get my head around things like having only strong love relationships (and not seeing any bad in that person) or vice versa; and also the the lack sense of self and fear of abandonment which leads to clinginess. This now makes much more sense to me 🙂

[@paulflaherty2011]

Michi thanks for this.. you are brave to speak so frank about a very difficult condition my friend suffers with this terrible terrible thing and actually she hates me at the moment not sure what I did to trigger it this time but it kills me inside to be so helpless in helping her through her bad times

[@RainbowLuce]

You explained some of these things in such a way that I've not been able to before - particularly the identity/sense of self part, as well as not seeing ahead. I'm going to share this on my facebook. Thank you.

[@jairhugues7936]

always surround yourself with people who you know would lend a shoulder to cry on or a smile to cheer you up

[@luna_world_dd9125]

THANK YOU SO MUCH I've been diagnosed with BPD and bipolar since I was around ten. I just turned 26 and still never felt that any definition or explanatiom of bpd or bipolar that any of my therapists or anyone ever gave me even came close to putting my reality into words. I've always felt i was misdiagnosed and instead had a disorder that was so rare it wasn't discovered yet. this is the first video of yours I watched and i honestly feel like your my HERO. Cause I also have a speech impediment called cluttering and one symptom of it is that when i finnaly think of the words to say after i worked them out word for word in my head they will never come out exact..in my case if by the end of what I actually say is even close to the same subjecy as what I wanted to say then I'm lucky. So with that I've never been able to properly communicate the mental conditions of me to ANYONE my whole life so I've never really been 100% sure on whats a symptom of my disorders or what s just normal for everyone and somehow after all these years of just barely hanging on tryna figure it out and thinking that nothing or no one could ever explain even a little bit of me to myself here comes you in this video desvribing me EXCACTLY tio the point iits kinda freaking me out cause i really thought I was the only one in the world who's brain worked like l. Knowledge is power Words will NEVER express my gratitude for this. If i could ask you a question though how old where you when you figured it out this perfect and also if you don't mind me asking are you living a healthy stable life now?

[@EdytaKuzma]

Just by watching you can tell how difficult it was for you to make this video! I'm very glad you did though. I hope it helped you just as much as it probably helped many of your viewers :) Best wishes! xx

[@MichiMavros]

thank you so much for your kind words!!

[@leajones9043]

I have BPD, I honestly don't know how to cope right now, I feel like ending my life but my baby is keeping me alive, none of my family understand my illness they say they do but when I have an episode I'm disowned by them, I had a bad episode and I don't remember what was said or how it started but when I woke up the next day I had cut myself and don't remember doing it, I'm having therapy and on medication but I can't cope living with it any longer !!! 😭

[@jordsupp]

lea jones Therapy is more than getting treatment for the condition, it also to have a powerful acknowledgement that BPD is real. It validates your behaviours. I would say get to a therapist right now, don't try to justify yourself to your family. Non-empathetics are just going to say, "Pull yourself together" without any comprehension that what they're asking is very, very difficult (If not impossible).

[@emilykopf7966]

“I feel everything so much more intensely than everyone else.” That resonates. My moods come on out of nowhere and take me under, they feel like tidal waves, and I don’t know how anyone manages. I really focus on my image as well, because it feels like the only thing I have.

[@MrJeebus33]

That s so brilliant what you shared. Ive been diagnosed bpd to. Its amazing you can talk about it. it make us more aware we not alone!! Thanks!

[@destree6348]

Thank you for this video! You ARE so brave to put this out there! I wish you the very best in life❣️💖💞