BPD and Splitting, triggers, intense anger, and my personal experiences

Thank you for being here ❤️
#borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #bpdrecovery #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #personalitydisorder #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthtips

[@sashbriana]

I resonate with this video I spoke with a psychiatrist (1) and didn’t get a bpd diagnosis they diagnosed me with cptsd and to do anger management courses instead but I have symptoms of bpd I think I do “split” I have extreme mood swings I use 4/20 to cope with them I’m isolated 24/7 when I make my mind up about someone it’s over with I get hostile and lash out when people say or do things I don’t like my triggers are minor

[@sashbriana]

I easily become enraged and I actually didn’t like the psychiatrist that I did speak to I became angry with them for them wanting me to show my face on camera I don’t like to be told what to do

[@BehindTheSky]

@@sashbriana if you really feel that you have Bpd i would highly recommend trying to get a different psychiatrist, when i mentioned getting evaluated my therapist told me she didnt think that i had it but ultimately i feel like we know ourselves best! My therapist also mentioned before i got evaluated that it was probably cptsd instead of bpd and truthfully i think i might have both.. that could be the same with your situation. Definitely advocate for yourself because getting the correct diagnosis is so important. Im not sure what the treatment is for cptsd, are you doing DBT or CBT?

[@sashbriana]

@behindthesky I don’t know if the psychiatrist I spoke with was equipped with all the correct information to help me after they asked me a bunch of questions about my upbringing and triggers all they said was “you’re a black girl that has a had a rough life and you’ve grown a hard shell to protect yourself I’ll send you a list of medications” and that after I do anger management I’d be fine so that would be cbt? I’m not sure I’m not receiving any treatment right now I’m just walking around like a ticking bomb my splitting is not casual it is intense and I know when I’m about to split (I start to breathe more heavily I start shaking and crying my heart starts pounding I start pacing back and forth) when I’m angry not only do I blow up at people I want to fatally harm them (strong homicidal thoughts) as a consequence of making me angry or disrespecting me I threaten them viciously once you cross that line with me I have no empathy or remorse I’m afraid that one day I’ll snap and actually do it my brain starts reasoning with myself that I can’t do it unless I get away with it and that I don’t know how long I can hold myself back from acting on these thoughts and I’ve never felt like this before in my entire life I never have been violent towards anyone (I’m 25) I get suicidal thoughts but I never act on them I told the psychiatrist all of this I also have violent nightmares of my homicidal thoughts that shows me visuals I stay away from people on purpose but complain that I’m very lonely I’m not a horrible person growing up I was a people pleaser and passive aggressive

[@BehindTheSky]

@sashbriana omg I resonate with literally everything you just said!!!! There are so many therapists and psychiatrists out there that just really suck! 😩 I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with all of this, I wish I could do something to ease it! I would suggest maybe watching videos on dbt tips and maybe that can help you for the time being, I literally just started it maybe 3 weeks ago so I can’t say if it’s working for me yet but soooo many with bpd speak so highly on it. but ultimately I would recommend trying to find a new therapist. Because it’s so important to have someone in your corner that can be your support. I can get triggered so easily and by things that I don’t even understand why it’s triggering me and it will completely take over my entire day so I feel you so much. I have a journal and when I write in it I say “ I’m writing hate mail” lol sounds so corny but fr! I take out alllllll of my anger in that journal.. any nasty mean thoughts that I’m having I write it all down sometimes I can’t even read it when I’m done.. but I can say it does help me to release those emotions. I did that before I started therapy, maybe you can try that? Or anything really if you have any hobbies maybe try to use that as an outlet for these strong emotions you are experiencing. ❤️ I hope some of this helps.

[@sashbriana]

@@BehindTheSky just talking to you has helped me so much thank you so much for your thoughts and for uploading this video you seem so amazing and so sweet like I feel like you actually care I feel seen and heard I’m going to definitely try to find a better support system and a second opinion about my diagnosis I’m going to subscribe to you!