The Surprising Truth About Splitting Nobody Tells You

[@dilbertfish]

I'll give this a go, Doc. Anything that can take this hell away.

[@Inescapablewisdom]

Last night I had another bpd episode. While it was less intense and I was less reactive this time, I still found myself splitting saying things like “I am always wrong” and “ I can’t ever get this right “ which led to the feelings of hopelessness and then urges to self harm and SI was present. With all the courage I could dig up I resisted those urges and went to sleep. I am currently working on emotional regulation in therapy and I think my primary struggle is feeling discouraged when I do get triggered. It’s like my brain is telling me “see you got upset again. You’re never going to heal.” I somehow still believe that I’m never supposed to get triggered or upset again and if I do it means I failed. 😢

[@ameliacisna3868]

I relate to this SO HARD…I’ve been having a lot more episodes lately and I’ve had similar feelings of “I’m stuck like this. I’m never going to get better.” One thing that this video helped me realize is that my way of thinking about healing (“I’m never going to get better”) is a form of splitting, and it ignores the nuances of healing! It’s hard for me to accept that progress isn’t linear, but I’m doing my best to remind myself that I am getting better, even if I have setbacks. It sounds like you are too, since you went to sleep instead of acting on your SH tendencies! Super proud of you and how you’re working on emotional regulation

[@Inescapablewisdom]

@@ameliacisna3868 omg thank you. It helps to know even just one other person understands this! I feel like so alone with this battle! I’m crying reading your comment! We can do this ❤️

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s important to recognize the progress you’re making, even when it feels tough. Remember, healing is not linear, and every step forward, no matter how small, counts. I think the key is to catch it before you reach the point of dyscontrol.

[@DrDanielFox]

It's amazing to hear that the video resonated with you! Healing is definitely a journey with ups and downs, and recognizing that progress isn't always linear is such an important realization. Keep reminding yourself of the steps you're taking forward!

[@davidthomspson9771]

Your not alone,empathy and love from those who suffer from these problems can bring hope and happiness

[@steliosmil6167]

Thank you for this video!What I found helpful managing "splitting" is acknowledging how I feel before expressing thoughts and cognitions, practicing self reassurance, taking breaths and being in a safe place surrounded by calm people.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@Cbbybr]

I have been struggling for at least about least 6 months with one person who is a friend and my brain has been completely flip flopping the whole time between when I don’t hear from her I delete her number and never want to hear from her again to once I get a response I instantly reply and really want to meet up and feeling incredibly guilty because she is the nicest person and it doesn’t seem to matter how nice someone is, once I have shared something quite vulnerable with them it just seems to happen and it’s so draining and exhausting. Your videos are really helping me understand it a lot more though so please keep making them

[@codywilson2756]

Thank you for including the clip of the Venus flytrap missing the bug, even if it wasn’t intentional. It made me feel better about not always being able to catch myself or my words 7:17

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm glad the Venus flytrap clip resonated with you! It's a great reminder that we all have our moments.

[@bogdanlazar3278]

Thank you :) It feels very joyful and relaxing just listening to you and how kind you are. You are a good mother :D

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@annahgibbus8]

Although I am not diagnosed BPD I watch your videos & received a free copy of your BPD Guided Journal. I can't believe I received it because if I remember correctly while filling out the application it got to complicated for me & I gave up, so I wasn't expecting a copy. 😆LoL I finally as a senior was diagnosed properly from a neurologist: Depression, anxiety & CPTSD off the charts, developmently delayed although my IQ is 98, zero Executive function & Asperger's. Even if I'm not formally BPD I struggle severely with everything. LoL In a week I am going to delve into your book & follow what ever the instructions are, complete it & give a good review for you. Possibly it wouldn't be a good review because I haven't gone through it yet, but from what I've skimmed through it looks very deep & I'm pretty sure it will be valuable & helpful to me. Thank You Very Much!

[@DrDanielFox]

I’m so glad to hear you received the journal! It sounds like you’ve been on quite a journey, and I hope the journal provides some valuable insights and support for you. Take your time with it, and I’m excited to hear your thoughts!

[@attheranch873]

Thanks!

[@DrDanielFox]

You're so welcome and thank you for your kind support of the channel. It means a lot when people help support the cause of putting out honest and research based information. Thank you and be well.

[@loriholguin7876]

Dr. Fox! I wrote to you a few days ago asking if you had any helpful information for others who aren't BPD or NPD, etc... Thanks for making this video! I'll be sharing it! I am looking forward to more content. 😊

[@HalseyOG]

Still working on managing splitting. This does help. Thank you

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@Kaysune1]

I played this when I was stressed and it helped

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@katieg7679]

It might seem counterintuitive, but I've gotten much better with splitting once I was able to normalize it more. The reason these groups are more prone to splitting is likely because they grew up in an environment that reinforced splitting rather than challenged it. It's like a shell that develops the more it's needed and hardens over time, despite maturing and maybe even leaving the original environment. If you think of it like a shell, it's hard to know in the first place it's even there because it has grown with you, and even after you know, it's hard to whittle away at because we intuitively associate it with protection. It really is something that needs to be whittled away at, and we need environments that reinforce breaking it down if that makes sense. People that are forgiving, allowing and safe to be vulnerable with. Does that seem impossible to a lot of you guys? Trust me, I know. I'm right there with you.

[@ArcticAirUltraPro]

I relate with this. I find it hard when I’m able to normalize neurodivergence but people around me are not aware of it enough, and stigma of splitting. And when I have been aware of my splitting happening and not be ashamed to mention it and have it be received and understood by the person I’m with, then it takes the reactivity way down and i feel more in control

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your insights! It's truly enlightening to see how we can grow and challenge those protective shells we build over time. Your perspective on creating safe environments for vulnerability is spot on!

[@wendiburkholder6235]

Thank you so much for this video. It really helps people with BPD. Please keep making these videos. Some people really need them.

[@DrDanielFox]

You’re welcome ☺️

[@jenniferstanley2282]

Thanks!

[@DrDanielFox]

You're so welcome and thank you for your kind support of the channel. It means a lot when people help support the cause of putting out honest and research based information. Thank you and be well.

[@jenniferstanley2282]

I love the practical exercises you give. They are very helpful. Body scans are definitely telling! Thank you for your work.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@ismailozerozgul508]

Basically, if you pierce their veneer of grandiosity, their shield, if you have your own personality with your own autonomy and agency (free will), this is seen as a profound betrayal to them. This may not make sense to you, but the reason is this: In their mind, you exist as an internal voice, an image, that should have a fixed version. You exist only as a messenger and validation of their own hallucinations, not as your own personality. And once you show your own personality or demonstrate this to them, it creates anxiety, abandonment anxiety in them. That’s why they belittle and abandon you; fundamentally to avoid rejection and their own sense of abandonment.

[@DrDanielFox]

You've articulated that so well! It’s fascinating how our identities can trigger such strong reactions in others, especially when they’re rooted in their own fears and insecurities.

[@theswedenproject3340]

​​@@DrDanielFoxI am this person!!! I've lived my life in a state of dissociation. My wife and our eldest son kicked me out on the 23rd of December last Yr.....my eldest and my wife wants nothing to do with me. I was made homeless from December, I lost my job because of an attempted suickde in the summer (which I find it difficult to work anyway), I have no friends, no hone, no income, no interests (apart from spending the last year, reading as much as I can, on trying to work out what's going on with me, I feel lost, empty, confused, desperate, and have this constant pain in my chest (which feels like my heart, it's like grief). When I was 20 I had a really bad bout of depression, for over a Yr.....and in this time, I rejected myself completely,,,, ever negative thing I could think about myself, I tourtored myself with it..... I lost everything then too (but no children involved). When my first relationship ended, I went to new York, then Africa to work for a few months to try and run away from the pain of rejection from my partner. Then a couple months after returning, I met my now ex wife, she had a 14mth old baby, and she chased me, but i think it was more to get out of her marriage, because when she moved in she changed and i started accusing her of rejecting me..... 22yrs later and 3 more sons, and it's a complete mess.... My poor wife and our 2 eldest sons have had to suffer me for 22 yrs, and our 14 and 12 Yr old, are now having to suffer the break up, and now being neglected by their mum, wirh all the toxicity of her trying to turn them against their father.... Ive been to mental health services, they gave me an assassment for an hour, where I could hardly explain through the tears, and then asked me what I wanted? I tried I don't know, i know I have problems, and i was hoping you could assess me and offer me the best treatment for what ever I have. But they just gave me an appointment for 6 weeks time for a cbt assessment?? How does someone in the UK, in my position seek the proper diagnosis and help. Im dying here!! And my family is crumbling infront of my eyes.... For about 26yrs,its like I've been living the experience that someone else creates, and that someone does not like me. I have love, i have kindness, I have good intentions in my heart..... But that's where it's stuck, just in my heart....not in my life of shared with those I love. Help!!

[@donnamason6522]

God bless you. I hope you find help. I went to my GP and asked to have a proper psychiatric assessment by the NHS psychiatric service. I had 7 years of group psychodynamic psychotherapy. I have managed to carve out a life worth living. Tell your GP you believe you have a personality disorder that has wrecked your life and the lives of those you love. Tell them you are seeking help to change. Good luck​@theswedenproject3340

[@ashleyclark8719]

You are so helpful! Thank you!! I didn’t feel like I was splitting, but I also never heard it explained like you just did. Same with [quiet] bpd.. Now I can see that I split often (mostly towards myself) so now I believe I can work on it.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm really glad to hear that the explanation resonated with you! Recognizing those patterns is a huge step forward. Keep working on it, and remember that progress takes time!

[@michelemarie7777]

THANK YOU FOR THIS DR. FOX🙏

[@DrDanielFox]

You're very welcome. I'm glad the video was helpful. Be well.

[@nonenone-n3z]

Amazing explanation!

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@colleenbucks4385]

Thank you for this video

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@hammersaw3135]

I'm going to borrow your audiobook from the library. The way I do it is by brainwashing myself via repeating chants, poems and songs often to remind me of the nuances.

[@katlakolikoko4210]

Thank you ❤

[@DrDanielFox]

You're welcome 😊

[@clxnsey]

Awful audio Dr but other than that awesome video. Thank you for dedication to this field of work. You are a life saver.

[@DrDanielFox]

I appreciate your feedback! I'll definitely work on improving the audio for future videos. Thank you for your support!

[@imm0rtalitypassi0n]

I thought the audio was fine. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@clxnsey]

@@imm0rtalitypassi0n there’s issues with sibilance and parts are distorted!

[@JWolff-md3ij]

I'm grateful for the video. I just don't see myself in this way. A 100% or 0% kind of way. The examples were helpful. I definitely disassociate. But I don't believe I split. And because I can't see myself like this my interest level is.. "cold" towards what I can't relate to.

[@okay5513]

mentaly it the worst. i think people are damaging me and i cant fix it in my mind. how can i fix it mentaly???

[@leanegreen2122]

Can people with bipolar split as well? I would assume so, since bpd and bipolar semi over lap with each other, and also overlap narc tendencies

[@nobodyoutofnowhere]

They do, especially if grandiosity is displayed during the manic Episode (i'am all good, you are all bad). With the grandiose types they will act like a narcissist and they can even be seen as such, but they wouldn't classify as narcissists as long as a PD isn't a comorbidity (PDs are permanent patterns). Also around 60% in that group have another comorbidity present. Sometimes bpd can be misdiagnosed as bipolar and vice versa, depends a lot on the clinician and their testing and the severity of the symptoms present. Splitting is also a very common phenomena, even in normal people. The root cause is black and white thinking. It is also an easier mechanism developed as a primary defense from childhood. The function is to process ambivalent information fast and efficient during stressful situations or when survival becomes a priority. In PDs splitting happened at a very early stage in childhood. The child needed to split itself in good and bad in order to survive. It couldn't differentiate in that development stage between the inside and the outside world (what is me/what is other). This is also described in the video by the difference between 'normal' and pathological splitting and splitting in PDs. I hope my answer was helpful to your question. Greetings from germany.

[@DrDanielFox]

Yes. Great question

[@lechatleblanc]

for me i fear of future splitting in a marriage...i guess i dont fear it all the time, but sometimes i do ... i dont want my hero to become a devil in a split second cuz of some silly thing they say which triggers my trauma

[@okay5513]

how to overcome / deal with splitting??

[@colleenbucks4385]

Why is antisocial linked with being superior vs. Weak

[@lornaferrer8415]

Predator vs prey.

[@Chico-p9z]

I feel like everyday is those splitting things get more frequent. it’s honestly scary am I just constantly bagging on myself in my head or am I turning schizo w voices 😅

[@DrDanielFox]

It's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed at times. You're not alone in this, and reaching out for support can really help clarify what you're experiencing.

[@JD.yahthatsme]

What can one do when their partner won’t acknowledge their disorder, blames you as the reason why, then splits, takes child, and ghosts you?

[@DrDanielFox]

It sounds like you're going through a really tough situation. It's important to focus on your own well-being and seek support from friends or professionals who can help you navigate this.

[@JD.yahthatsme]

@@DrDanielFox that’s an understatement. Thank you for your reply. It’s been two years since and not sure how much more one can endure.

[@magorzat]

The catching part psppspss😂

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@Chico-p9z]

Then I’m like okay self affirmations you are feeling into that too much quiet your mind

[@DrDanielFox]

It’s all about finding that balance! Self-affirmations can be so powerful, but sometimes it’s good to give our minds a little break too.

[@rbsizemore3295]

Good video but audio was bad bad