BPD & Breakups - The BPD Bunch S2E8

[@Jessica-ri2ey]

I can soooooo relate with Sophia and Cèline on this one!!! Still in a place where I'm learning to see myself as a whole person all on my own, separate from my ex, and to date intentionally. Thank you!

[@noturbo]

i relate to burning all the bridges so i can't go back i know its hurting me but cant leave so i have to burn everything so i cant go back .

[@jenniferkwiek4321]

Thank you all. And Sophie loved when you spoke to those of us "at home." I am married a long long time. I'm old 49, but I am helping my teen through breakup right now and I wish I would have had these videos when I was going through so much from ages 15-24. So much pain.

[@chrisredfield3688]

Keep it coming❤

[@GemmaMR818]

Ok so when someone breaks up with you you feel deeply heartbroken like every other normal person. When you do the breaking up your grandiosity has you dump people and always have back up.. Lovely

[@MongPhu]

Yep. So ridiculous

[@CharcharBinks-h8u]

After 3.5 great years and then 4 months of cruel devaluation. My ex BPD fiance ghosted, cheated, and left me for some guy. Bringing our 2 yr old daughter around him instantly smh. We just bought a house. She was asking me for a ring and more kids. I haven't seen my daughter in 2 weeks. My ex has been running around fkn w.this guy all summer and ive been in the most excruciating pain. Ugghh!

[@MongPhu]

I am so sorry

[@ryangregory6190]

I had to take time away from my ex BPD after 3 years so I could educate myself how to handle splitting and I have invested so much time 3 months and still learning and when I come back to tell him I have done all this educating how to handle and understand he moved on to someone else… Just months ago he address he dying love for me and now he has gone full no contact.. I want him to come back but now idk if this situation is filling the void for him because he took me steeping back as abandonment. I do love him but I needed to learn how to take the relationship to a healthy level.

[@amitsalaskar1024]

Even when u doing the dumping tell the person why u doing so.. dont ghost ppl which comes so common with u folks and stop putting good ppl in conundrum of their lives. U deal with people and their emotions so be very careful.

[@xannibelle]

It sounds like you’ve been ghosted before, and I’m sorry that sucks! I have to say, though, I don’t think ghosting is specific to people with BPD, because I’ve never done it, but I’ve had other people do it to me. My guess is that it’s more of a generational issue than anything else

[@tinkletink1403]

@@xannibelle it's very common for people with bpd to monkeybranch discard and ghost

[@markcorrellii2002]

I don't have BPD and I've ghosted and have been ghosted. It's not a BPD thing.

[@tinkletink1403]

sorry, but it's very common @@markcorrellii2002

[@AL-sg2jd]

It’s definitely a bpd thing lol

[@shirleydaniels9310]

after dating a bdp narcissist ive been single for 5 years he showed me that people are crazy im over relationships ill pass on wanting a man

[@amberscottcmt7400]

There's no such thing as a BPD narcissist. There are similarities between BPD and NPD, but with a big difference. I hear the futility in your words though. Both of these cluster b disordered types are beyond exhausting to get entangled with, but I can also say there's hope because of my own journey. It was definitely helpful for me to go through several years of letting go of wanting a man. Eventually I came to terms with my humanity and the fact that our nervous systems are made for co-regulating with other nervous systems, and I got pulled into a relationship with an undiagnosed BPD, who has every observable symptom. Before my "eff relationships" break, I would attract narcs and get "abandoned" because I suck at giving them constant supply. 😂 Really though... I would mortify narcs. I'd put up with their shit to a point and then get infuriated and my mouth would run until I said something that made them go seek supply elsewhere, but with this BPD partner its been crazy making on steroids. The biggest difference has been that with BPD, they go into this place of helplessness. He'd have an anger spell and behave like a narc, then I'd leave and he'd call to say he was depressed and needed me. (Narcs don't do that) Sometimes he would beg and plead just for me to come hold him... It killed me the times I had to say no, because I shared his abandonment wound. I'd recall times I never begged anyone, but was alone in agony and would've given anything to have someone to hold me... So in my journey I've learned that what I attract in them is in me too. I've let both types trample my boundaries. I've learned that I still have work to do on me and I'm grateful I'm the polarized match to the BPD and not the NPD, because the BPD person can own their desperation to be loved and in recovery and through a supportive partner, they can not only heal, but become the most incredible lovers and partners. What's hard is when they aren't in recovery. When you meet all of their symptoms but they aren't diagnosed, that's when you really gotta look at yourself, be willing to step away if they aren't recovering, and look at what in you craves them even when they aren't getting help. NPD on the other hand, will never admit they need help. To do so means annihilating their false self, which is their identity, so getting help will never truly happen for them. That means you have to give them supply forever... BPD doesn't need narcissistic supply on endless tap. They get desperate for it at times, and then they break down, and in those breakdowns they'll often admit they need help. While it's best to not tango with any of these types, if we find ourselves in polarity with them, they bring us a gift. They show us where our work with ourselves exists... And if we work on us and the BPD gets the help they need, the payoff is a love bond so incredibly strong once secure attachment develops, that it's pretty much unbreakable. It's practically Hollywood level of love. Crazy, wild and passionate... Volatile and hurtful at depths that feel like it rips your soul out... but if worked with and an established base of security develops, you could find the love of a lifetime... But what do I know? I'm only exploring this and observing. It's just what I see.

[@AL-sg2jd]

Learn to love God and yourself. The right will come after that. Believe me

[@heatherpratt1551]

Omg. I relate so hard and I hate being this way.

[@henriqueoliveiramonteiroda1134]

I find it impressive how, even when treating these BPD patients, they exempt themselves from any guilt in relationship endings. I believe that one of the worst experiences anyone can have is being in a relationship with someone who has BPD. As sad as it is to say, these people have zero empathy for their partners using them and then discarding people like trash. It is a very serious mental illness that everyone who had this condition seeks to romanticize instead of truly treating themselves. Run away from them before you become a victim of horrible abuse ;)

[@Lilaflowers04]

Please don’t put yourself in a position to be “treating” ppl with BPD, I can’t imagine you doing anything but making their condition worse.

[@noturbo]

how come i end up crying and cant watch all of this video? my heart feels permanently broken 💔

[@thebpdbunch]

🫂😢

[@selmakaya1232]

Thank you for the first time I felt understood🤍

[@thebpdbunch]

You’re welcome!! 😍

[@CDV99]

Experiencing an ex who had bpd and ruined many lives , folks with bpd should think twice before subjecting others to their emotional volatility and abuse. My recommendation is to heal before they date others. Be responsible if you know you are not healthy enough to date . You can literally shatter lives. It’s not fair to others.

[@sweetluvgurl]

Everyone has their own issues.

[@DumbBeat]

Right on time..

[@flowersforme375]

I wonder if they had the Dialectics Behavioral Therapy?I was the person who broke up with him the undiagnosed BPD and I took it so hard because I was truly in love with him. He ghosted and a complete avoidant and manipulated. No conversation.

[@HaloHuntress]

This is my ex bf. I can't be in this. I want a secure partner that reciprocates. I would never cheat or do these things to someone I love. I hope he gets help.

[@ralphholland1313]

Unfortunately, the concept of ‘hey guys, come on, that’s life, get over yourself’ doesn’t really hold water because account isn’t taken of how the person with BPD will undermine a relationship, falling out of love with someone who loves them deeply quickly, painfully and for no apparent reason. Because of shame and guilt there will likely be no explanation, or possibly anything except the inflicting of pain so that they can feel that they’ve won. This can cause trauma, meaning that the person being dumped has a mental injury of some kind. While I absolutely love the Bunch, your openness and enthusiasm, there perhaps needs to be a balance towards some less glossy aspects of BPD. You do it sometimes, and really, really well; just more please. In my opinion, that’s when the Bunch is at its best anyway. Take care! 😊 47:57

[@thebpdbunch]

Hey there, Xannie here. Thanks for the feedback! We definitely have been thinking about making sure we're showing the darker aspects of BPD and actually I am posting a short about that tomorrow. The difficulty is that there must always be balance. The situation you described definitely does happen and can be deeply traumatic for the person on the other end. On the other hand we have to be really careful not to act as if that situation is the default for all people with BPD - as an example, I have never fallen out of love with someone quickly. Never Ever. After a break up I was usually the one trying to grasp and beg for an explanation. Don't get me wrong, I definitely wasn't a victim in those situations. By that point I had often had so many dysfunctional displays of emotion that the person had a very valid reason for wanting to end the relationship. So while I can't speak for the rest of the cast, at least from my end, I can't take any kind of accountability for the behavior that you described because that just wasn't something that I did. (It's been a while since we filmed this episode so I can't completely remember everyone's stories, we may have needed to dig a bit deeper.) I'm digressing. Back to your point though, I am well aware that growth does not occur within our comfort zones and I'm trying to be more intentional in directing the conversation towards the darker things that people don't usually want to talk about. Anyway, thank you so much for your feedback and for taking the time to really be clear in your intention! You are affirming what I already know about where we need to go :) - Xannie

[@MongPhu]

Yep. Totally agree

[@surfreadjumpsleep]

so I was dating a woman who i suspect has bpd. I was in europe on a tourist visa and so after 3 months i'd have to leave and she would break up with me then. Then i came back 3 months later, we reconnected & at the end of another 3 months, i had to leave again and she broke up with me again. each time she said that she felt nothing in between... idk, i thought this ability to numb out her own emotions was a bpd thing, but listening to you all.. makes me realize that I could be wrong about that. i mean while we were together she was saying she loved me and giving me a paper ring. and then boom just a couple weeks later after some very minor tensions perhaps she is breaking up with me. and completely splitting on me. So.. bpd? or just doesn't care about me? i can't tell!

[@RainFall2112]

This made everyone sound so selfish

[@Lilaflowers04]

There’s a reason why it’s called a disorder… not to be captain obvious but apparently it’s needed. This isn’t the “we’ve all been and are well adjusted and mentally healthy people, let me tell you how to be like me” channel. It’s literally talking about working through a disorder… that will burn your life down because it’s so harmful…

[@trevsedgwick3324]

All I’m hearing is me me me! Victim victim victim, really try listening to yourself sometimes.

[@markcorrellii2002]

Why you even here, then? All I read was "I want attention, and no ladies are giving it to me, so I need an outlet. Here I'll be a douche to people trying to help others."

[@Francis-of8cw]

​@@AL-sg2jdbro... You are literally comparing people who cheat (which is obviously not good) to pedophiles. Yes what they have done is bad behavior. But don't compare this stuff to molesting children, because that's a whole other level.

[@Lilaflowers04]

@@AL-sg2jd where do you think you are rn…? This is literally a channel surrounding people with a trauma based personality DISORDER. it’s not the “I’m a great person let me tell you how amazing and well adjusted I am” channel, there are tons of those go find one.

[@MongPhu]

​@@AL-sg2jdyep. It is sad.

[@brandonrobertkersjes]

This video doesn’t make me feel any sympathy for people with BPD.

[@thebpdbunch]

The goal is not to gain sympathy! It’s to unpack our past problematic behaviors and where they came from so that others with BPD can learn to change them too, as we have.

[@noturbo]

No (i cant do relationships) hurts to much i cant even watch this way to triggering Sorry !!

[@fr0gsrcool753]

i really related to the way xannie described having a “perfect version” of the life you could’ve had together with an ex. that’s what makes the breakup hurt so much more🥲 still not sure how i’m gonna get over this breakup since i really did convince myself they were the only one for me, but watching this video and hearing all of your similar experiences & feelings & still being able to heal in the end makes me feel a lot better & more hopeful about my future❤️‍🩹🫂