The BPD Bunch: Ep 1 - Frantic Efforts to Avoid Abandonment

[@kellyziebell1601]

When you exert boundaries, others respect you more, even if it’s uncomfortable in the present moment.

[@kellyziebell1601]

The hard work pays off.

[@kellyziebell1601]

Many times, in DBT, it’s two steps forward, and 10x back. Be non-judgmental with yourself, give yourself compassion and keep plugging away. Every step leads to a healthier future.

[@jaeologist3361]

I got diagnosed with BPD AT 24 I’m Now 25 and boy am I so happy it’s people like me I’m learning so much

[@hurricane_valence]

I wish there was a channel like this for persons with ASPD

[@thebpdbunch]

That would be amazing! Someday it would be great if there was something like this for every mental health condition. 🫂

[@rope9568]

Thank you all so much for sharing. I am especially grateful for your positive attitude. I am in therapy for BPD for 1,5 years and being on my own recovery journey it`s really hard to be hopeful and positive about my future. You all sharing from your past, your paths of recovery and your present states are really making me feel not alone and even excited for my future. Thank you so much, I am really looking forward to your next video

[@isspdstudentsectioncommitt9046]

Well done!!! We are very thankful for everything you all are doing to spread awareness and understanding about BPD. -The International Society for the Study of Personality Disorders Student Section Committee

[@Jayjamie]

My friend has just told me about the BPD bunch!!! Wow!! In the nicest possible way... you're just like me! I don't feel like I'm a crazy person anymore in my own head!!!!

[@LardoiseGirl1976]

Thank you for doing this.

[@laurens7431]

I never related to this one.. But listening made me realize. My complete avoidance of dating and anything romantic is itself a "frantic effort"....of inertia. Shit. How.

[@cecilevial-collet9804]

Thank you,thank you !!! I think it’s the first time I felt like being member of a family. Many times, I was thinking "this is me before". I realized that I did a lot to get out of a lot of patterns, even if I’m still working on self esteem and fear of rejection (only with my daughter who is 17). My tears were there, at first when I thought about my old behaviors, then they were tears of happiness. I felt I grew up. I feel kind of understood cause it’s so hard for our entourage living with a loved one who have bpd. I live in France, and it’s soooo hard to find a DBT therapy,I think there must be 3 or 4 people in Paris. If you want to do it you can’t, you have to find other therapies that are close and read a lot of book. But why France is so late in the psychological field… I was so looking forward to watch the bpd bunch, thanks to all of you, you’re pure kindness♥️. Hopefully there’s Instagram too while waiting for the other one. Love to all of you 5 ✨

[@cecilevial-collet9804]

And I forgot I have no more friends around, most of them were toxic and the other part I acted like a bpd with them…

[@momsgirl2727]

Thank you for doing this. My daughter is the one who has BPD so not only will she learn but it helps me in dealing with her so thank you guys and keep up the good work!

[@chilloften]

Interesting listen, thank you for sharing. You are raising consciousness and that is a beautiful thing. I grew up in this and much worse and am grateful for internet to make me know that what I lived was not healthy.

[@pottygok]

@13:48 Yes, it feels like that. Like if this person/thing leaves/changes, I will die a slow painful death of no food, clothing, shelter, water. This encapsulates the extremes so well. Great thought.

[@wesnotcrusher]

I found your podcast over on Spotify, but can't leave a comment there. I got my diagnosis just a couple of years ago, in my late 40s and I've been struggling to find hope. Struggling to hear a narrative that isn't all doom and gloom. A random webcrawl one night led me to your podcast and... I am blown away. Thank you all so much for your authentic, grounded, and hope filled stories. I found myself nodding at so many things and it's such a relief to know I'm not the only one who's done some crazy shit. Normlization, validation, hope. I cannot thank you enough.

[@LaceyMediaProductions]

17:30 - Another puzzle piece. Insane. On one hand I'm angry it took my entire lifetime to get answers, but then also relieved I'm not alone. I'm not crazy. There IS a reason.

[@stardust6950]

It is so emotional to see you guys with something in common, BPD, being able to talk about it comfortably, it's so overwhelming man, I am crying on how much I relate and how all of you are saying my thoughts out loud how my life is a mirror image of y'all's lives. It is so comforting in an odd way to be known to be understood by someone else. I love you guys

[@Shellbelle02]

I’m so glad you find it relatable and hopefully helpful!

[@hoiiib]

I had goosebumps while I watched this, that was how surprised I was at how much most of these things related to me. it was chilling. I really appreciated these perspectives.

[@MuskanGupta-sj3ug]

I cried while watching this! I could relate to all the things you've said and it felt like you are telling stories from my life. I am on my recovery journey and watching you people talking about things in a positive attitude give me hope! Thank you for this episode, looking forward to next episodes.

[@LaceyMediaProductions]

15:20 - I feel like she's talking about my life...every time I question if this could really be what I have, someone else says something that gives me one more piece of the puzzle... literally shook.

[@pottygok]

@16:58 Yes. This constant belief that I’m not good enough drives many of my instincts. And around @19:00 these ideas of meeting people who are strong and stable are terrifying

[@Chucanelli]

Just wanted to say, I’m really grateful for this channel. I tend to stay away from BPD content because of my own bad associations with the disorder, it tends to be really triggering. But this channel strikes a great balance between sincerity, depth, and levity. Definitely makes me feel less shame and less alone. ❤

[@aleksandra4581]

I love this channel so much I feel like its a genius idea to have a space where people share not only they experience with dbt but also recovery I cannot get enough of these videos!

[@LaceyMediaProductions]

3:00 Holy crap with the exception of actually getting in accident - that sounds like my first "real" relationship. I was also in HS at the time... Now, I'm 41, almost 42 and just now figuring out that I have BPD - and now I realize I've had it for SO long. I keep wondering if maybe I'm just identifying with it too much, but then I hear y'all's stories and it makes SO much of my life make sense. I'm seeing someone next week for the first time about it, but this channel is really helping me navigate through everything.

[@adrianatrinidad1918]

Im in recovery right now and it can be difficult to build that healthy support system. But I relate to so much that was said here, thank you for sharing.

[@BrookeBrooke12320]

YAAYYY. I’ve been waiting for this ❤

[@LesegoMadisaEllesG]

I'm a flipped borderline (codependent) and we think alike and even our behaviours match because we share the same core wound. I'm just not extreme. Thanks a lot

[@Missjksgirlynoodles]

This makes me feel less alone. Thank you for this podcast.

[@ChainBreakerswithDrTrista]

Thank you for these series on BPD! I'm a new graduate Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner & KZbin has been a blessing in helping me to be able to recognize the signs & symptoms that my clients may display to be able to properly assist them in their treatment. I will watch the remainder of the episodes later today! Please keep them coming, they are VERY educational!

[@NeverLastingLuv]

So glad I found this podcast. I've recently been coming to the realization that I have BPD, and I've been looking for whatever resources I can find. So many of your stories are hitting home for me. I'd love to hear somebodies personal experience with quiet BPD in future episodes

[@stankatbarrell9878]

Omg I'm SO glad I found this channel. I've felt like shit lately and messed up some work friendships. It's so nice to hear others share their rough moments and how you take responsibility, but are able to forgive yourself, do better, and move on.

[@BsumboD]

I’m binging these videos as I decompress in my first week of an IOP recently diagnosed. Thank you all!!! Great insights! Beautiful discussions.

[@TintarellaDiLuna64]

60yrs, newly diagnosed. I am relieved!!

[@random-ft4mf]

i am loving this

[@marisolespino6798]

What about fear of abandonment that doesn’t cause clinging but causes a wall to be formed and to be the first one to leave before you are left?

[@astein6273]

That is definitely another way that efforts to avoid abandonment manifests!

[@LardoiseGirl1976]

With all that is going on around the world I am feeling like I am on the worst emotional rolercoaster of my life.

[@saltandpepperandmint]

Same here… I don’t even recognize myself anymore… and when I’m on my period??? Forget about it…. I was never like this, but hey! there is nothing we can’t do!! Stay strong 🤍

[@negril7446]

Take care of your self.

[@mentalcat9529]

I am watching now while waiting for my partner to come home, he is at work and i miss him already

[@mellowray561]

I’m so glad that the gentleman mentioned amazing friendships.

[@thebpdbunch]

It can really make a huge difference!

[@zentzu4003]

this is such a good episode, one of my exes had a series of abusive relationships and I felt at time she had lost interest in me so I actually decided to be that controlling abusive type of person to try get interest, it backfired and she broke up with me as I was driving home, I spot the text, turned around, speeding through neighbourhoods crashed my car, got out and according to witnesses I was asking them all for a hug? which is sad... then I was like F you all left my car at the scene without exchanging details... then despite having social anxiety stopped a car on the road and asked for a lift to my partners house... I remember the first night I ever met this X, I self harmed that night and sent her a picture of it...

[@jenthompson1398]

You described the pain and the way it affects your ability to see anything else perfectly

[@sarahlexia_]

Thank you so much for this! It gives me hope that one day I can hopefully overcome this and recover. Can't wait for the next episode!

[@karinkipanda1981]

Omg😢listening to the 1st episode of this has already been very relatable to all of your stories, I am 43 yrs old and am suffering through BPD and all the symptoms I am waiting to see a doctor soon to be referred to a behavior health center to be assessed and hopefully diagnosed and then get DBT therapy.

[@saegemehlfee]

I like what was said about there being choices. I find it helpful to remember that there are going to be choices you don't even know about yet. Like you don't need to be going to extremes to stop someone who isnt treating you well from leaving because it wont kill you and there will be options after them that you don't even know exist yet.

[@mk2_suprr]

ive just about almost watched all of these, i enjoy them so much I look forward to them every morning ❤

[@allie54774]

I've just finished watching your video on lack of stable identity and now I'm on this one and painfully relatable content! But also helps to know I'm not alone, and reminds me I've come such a long way xxx

[@SamanthaBCope]

A lot of what you said really resonated with me. especially the emotional pain and comparing it to this feeling of grief like the amount of pain I feel with any emotion is comparedive to the pain of grief. before I found this channel I had that thought. Immediately devalued it as I saw it as a could possibly be insensitive to share. So thank you so much for validating that thought as a way to describe it I've been afraid to voice my opinions because I have rationalized in my mind that they are not valuable. I think it is awesome that you are cultivating this community of encouragement that you are putting out into the world it is absolutely amazing! ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@beepropst]

This is so amazing!! Thank you so much for making this content!! ❤

[@TheSoftLifeMeditations]

That was awesome!

[@BakedBrain7100]

I hurt a lot of people because of this symptom. In highschool I would basically seduce boys to fall for me, they would want to take me on dates and stuff and I would just cut them off one day. Usually if I couldn’t have sex with them, I’m a girl, and at that time for some reason it was kindof all I wanted. It felt like no one would give me that “unconditional” love I was missing out on from my parents, I’ve come to terms with the fact that love should be conditional!!! We all deserve boundaries. Missing out on the love of a parent, is just something kindof irreplaceable in this life. So yeah I would push people away because of my lack of trust in people actually caring for me. I didn’t want to see if they did or didn’t, so I’d try to move everything very quickly get the full relationship in as fast as possible before dipping out. Lol been with the same guy 8 years now! We’ve had our ups and downs, but I’m lucky to have him. Just wanted to vent my experience with this! Great series!!

[@narda1158]

I enjoyed this. Found it helpful and relatable thanks you x

[@thebpdbunch]

Glad it was helpful!

[@edeneres]

Such important work you all are doing here. Giving hope and reducing stigma, so well done!

[@mariahconklin4150]

lol! That girl with the black hair with the braids made me laugh because she was just mesmerized by the blond girl when she was talking. lmao! My reaction was to laugh which is so rude but I can relate to the blond girl. New follower here because I can totally relate to the blond girl. lmao Sorry just the look on the face with the girl with black hair had me busting up laughing.

[@Mark-dz1jx]

You guys are amazing!! Tha k you wo much for these videos. Please dont stop doing them.. i have BPD an extreme case.. i have a favorite person whos a narcissist in my life. 6 years. Between trying to recovwr from that relationship.. im barely gwtting through the days.. you all give me hopw i csn revover.. at least a lil bit at a time hopwfully lol. Thank you so much for the positive outlook

[@delaneym3662]

I just cannot deal with any date ( short term or long term ) who constantly leaves and comes back, even is for their work or long vacation time away. I don't trust them anymore if they do this

[@renus6015]

Same..... I have fears of abandonment and I have embarassed myself many times!

[@slyboogydatsmyname]

I wish there were 2-3 panellists who made it through thick & thin with their bpd partner.

[@thebpdbunch]

There are! Several of us are married and/or in long term relationships and we’ve done episodes on that: kzbin.info/www/bejne/eZPPho2Nd5angrssi=OmGJ24nVpY50pHvF kzbin.info/www/bejne/n6q7noiql8lnpsUsi=PGxbQuwY9t7VZteS

[@slyboogydatsmyname]

@@thebpdbunch you guys/girls are saviours, really. As of now, I don’t know how much of use this discussion would be to me, but it does help me stay optimistic that the person who loves me (maybe more than I love her, or maybe not at all) is blocking me one step at a time on every platform I try to contact her through is doing it for her inner peace. It hurts like anything, but I think I should just wait and not talk to her at all. And in that moment of waiting, not talking this fear kicks in that maybe on ignoring her she’ll not reply ever / at all, thinking that her decision to cut me off (or fear of abandonment as it’s called) was right as I’m not reaching out to her. Any suggestions on that? Thanks !

[@daniellak.7521]

Thank you so much for this insight!

[@AL-sg2jd]

“I’ll cheat on you before you cheat on me.” Oh okay. That’s great. Saying it with a smile on her face. God damn Psychos!!!!

[@skeptik-ci5xo]

I have the opposite problem with relationships, in that I have always had pretty loving, stable and secure romantic relationships, but struggle with making and maintaining platonic friendships. The pain is just as deep and agonizing, but I feel like I am an anomaly in the BPD sphere. From what I've seen online most people with BPD tend to have strong friendships, and people in their lives that love them and can be counted on. I can't even count on family; I only have my husband. And it makes me wonder what is wrong with HIM. Nevertheless,I do accept and am grateful for his love. He is amazing, and without him I probably would not be here. But I have a son from my previous marriage, which makes it much harder to opt for that exit plan if it ever got to that point :(

[@thebpdbunch]

You’re definitely not alone! We know of several people whose biggest FP challenge was with best friends rather than romantic relationships. Definitely not talked about as much in BPD circles but very real.

[@skeptik-ci5xo]

@@thebpdbunch I have no close friends anymore. I never feared abandonment, but it happened anyway! You learn who your real friends are in times of crisis. I had to break up with my best friend after I had cancer surgery because she wanted to visit me but lost her shit when I asked if she could pick up a pizza for us on her way. I guess she felt really put out by that request. And I was still waiting for the pathology report to find out if the cancer had spread! Then a few months later I developed a severe chronic pain condition and ultimately had to resign after my paid medical leave ran out and my best friend from work ghosted me and then gaslighted me when I tried to find out what was going on. These are just a few examples. But suffice to say, I don't trust anyone but my husband. And that is a sad way to live.

[@alettertovanessa]

@Xannie thank you for being so freaking open with your stories always. @Alex you’re spot on with your physical description. All of you are describing something that’s reaching out. Check out I am by Royal & Serpent “And if I’ve ever hurt you, I’m sorry. I was wrong for doing so. I just love you so much. ..I’m finally done being the crazy B that I was..”

[@alettertovanessa]

Also she has one called separation anxiety 🥹 on the money

[@helenilindsell5684]

so helpful, thank you

[@knitspinweave]

Thank you ❤

[@hancrus]

36:10 remember this part!

[@SempraLaura]

May I join 🙏🏻diagnosed bpd here.

[@caryscao457]

You’re already part of the family! ❤

[@saegemehlfee]

keep going to hit the like button to agree with stuff and realising i already liked it

[@mariahconklin4150]

Oh it was like that deer in the headlight look lmao

[@christinagurrola5335]

Is this bpd or abandonment trauma

[@astein6273]

A lot of people with BPD have abandonment trauma but not everyone. But no matter why someone developed BPD, one of the potential symptoms experienced is frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

[@hancrus]

46:33 remember this

[@chasing-mental-clarity]

PERIODDDDD

[@trinity3272]

4:10

[@trinity3272]

10:18

[@trinity3272]

12:00

[@trinity3272]

16:27

[@veryimportantperson3657]

I want the story behind the guy consuming women's empowerment content. Why does he do that? I know a guy with BPD and he's very into feminist causes. Is this a thing? Or just a coincidence?

[@dropcash1518]

Thank u for this video I thought I was a freak n the only one but now I know there's more people like me who think n hurt just like me. I will try to do better 😢

[@billierichardson9885]

Thank you ❤