Dr. Dawn Neumann and the aspects of alexithymia

Dr. Dawn Neumann discusses the variety of aspects of alexithymia and how it affects each individual differently.
Dr. Dawn Neumann discusses alexithymia intervention: • Dr. Dawn Neumann discu...
Dr. Dawn Neumann: What is Alexithymia? • Dr. Dawn Neumann: What...
This work has been supported by research funds made available by the NIH NICHD STTR (Phase I), grant no. 1R41HD077967-01A1, Indiana University Funding Opportunities for Research Commercialization and Economic Success (FORCES).
National Institute on Disability, Independent Living, and Rehabilitation Research the Indiana Traumatic Brain Injury Model Systems 90DP0036 and 90DRTB0002.
The contents of this video were developed under a grant from the National Institute on Disability, Independent Living, and Rehabilitation Research the Indiana Traumatic Brain Injury Model Systems 90DP0036 and 90DRTB0002. NIDILRR is a Center within the Administration for Community Living (ACL), Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). The contents of this video do not necessarily represent the policy of NIDILRR, ACL, HHS, and you should not assume endorsement by the Federal Government.

[@akeelaboomful]

I can relate with the last one. But instead of anger I would usually just cry.

[@faustinomeza9573]

I am 43 and never knew what was wrong with me. Until just recently they had me diagnosed as bipolar which never added up until all these little recent discoveries and now me and my wife are learning all about me and my issue. It’s a rough road!

[@Chelelo-dw9ev]

I’m 25 I felt this way since a child not knowing how I felt or how to express it I have a crap load of friend and a wife and kids but till I feel this way and does cause a lot issues for me idk how you feel

[@honeymoney4910]

The same feeling I had since my childhood that "something is wrong with me and Iam gonna figure it out when I grow older all by my self" and still confused. Also I have anxiety, depression , childhood truma, extreme physical and mental abuse also stomach issues. I felt misunderstood all my life and kept supressing my thoughts cuz I cant express it Oh my god.

[@zakosist]

I recently learned about alexithymia and questioning if I have it, but mostly about EXPRESSING emotions, rather than understanding it. And also that I often dont feel the right feelings at the right moment eg. when hearing bad/tragic news I may be completely unaffected (still logically recognize its bad), even though I CAN and do feel sympathy sometimes. Or Im not excited enough in the moment something good happens. My feelings rarely are related to the current situation, but much more by my thinking instead. And sometimes I'm just not very receptive to emotions, but it varies. I'm not sure if that is alexithymia. I relate to the first example. I think I often dont express emotions enough outward, in some cases just naturally lack face expression/tone change while feeling emotions, eg. scared or angry. I may lack a way of showing affection to people that isn't "fixed". And dont like to talk about or be asked about emotions either (particularly when they're in the moment, if its more in general I'm more open to discuss). I can usually identify emotions if they are strong, but cant always tell what I'm feeling here and now

[@x_no_where]

This is literally me. Bruh.

[@TheMad106]

Very very relatable and have the same exact set questions and experiences you have. My affect is connected strongly internally not very much outside. I also am not sure if there’s anything wrong with not being sad on hearing a bad news, it just could be that you have far more worries, hopes and dreams to feel exactly as sad as you think this prototypical sadness level should be.

[@doid4354]

Yeah I relate to the last one. I say I feel too much and all at once but I can't figure out what is is and why. I have to look at what made me react and then identify how I feel about it after. And even then, there is a high chance I won't be able to explain it to someone if they asked.

[@FringeWizard2]

I am diagnosed with this but never ever express anger no matter how fucked the situation is I remain calm even when being robbed, assaulted, etc.

[@goatsandroses4258]

Yep. I don't always "feel" all emotions (I DO feel some emotions) or be able to verbalize them, but they might come out in a tsunami later. Sometimes the wave of emotion happens for no reason...or at least it might take time, quiet, and effort to find the underlying reason. Taking the time to sort through what I'm feeling, and really trying to discover what's "behind the wall" (as I call my emotional disconnect) helps to head off emotional tsunamis.

[@ossian6277]

Good to hear it's pretty common

[@jazmo6662]

I have experienced everything described by Dawn Neumann. Until I discovered I was on the Autism spectrum and started my journey of discovery. I had no idea what was going on emotionally. I would react just like the example angry man but not know why. I would snap at people and get exactly the same response from people... "why are you snapping at me?" It would make me stop because I didn't even realise it! I wouldn't even know what triggered it. For many years most people thought I didn't have any emotions. I got asked to deliver a Eulogy at a funeral because of this perceived lack but I broke down in the middle of it and didn't know why. I still can't tell when I'm doing it.

[@flostack]

Its crazy that i found this because when i feel something i FEEL it. Like puffy eyes the next day from crying to hard, it could be simple too. Like an argument or something

[@sandyc5724]

On point! She explained this so well and simply. Thank you.

[@kellyjoe1130]

I wish there was more on the psychological damage it does to a partner who has had a relationship with someone who has this and how you can feel emotionally abused etc. Run for the hills

[@tone3560]

wouldnt use abused....it would be confusing

[@jimwilliams3816]

I can testify to the damage I’ve done, and it’s why I often have felt like I ought never have existed. (Yes, I can feel that.) So I understand what you are saying, but wish you hadn’t included the last sentence. Regarding myself as the lowest thing that ever crawled only makes me angrier, and I bet I’m not alone. The best path through has been to understand that I am like this, don’t want to be, and it’s not a moral failing - but yes it is very damaging. Somehow “run for the hills” sounds overly judgmental though I cannot say why.

[@moubhattacharyay6891]

Wow! Thanks For This Knowledge, Ma'am 🙏😊

[@saltlifegull4091]

WOW, awesome video. Dr Dawn knows her stuff!

[@brainline]

We agree! Thanks for watching!

[@jimwilliams3816]

Number three more than anything for me. I will note that this has a lot to do with my overactive fight or flight. The guy in example number two could have the same thing, but with less ability to recognize it. The physiological sensations make it hard. I’m only somewhat alexithymic, but a lot of the time I can’t tell if something is a sensation or an emotion, or what emotion. Anger, depression, these are identifiable. I’m getting a little better at others, but I’ve only really ever been able to recognize the negative emotions. I noted in my teens that sometimes, if I flooded, I would be able to feel and understand emotions for a while afterwards. It would fade despite attempts to hold onto this. I still get this, and it’s like an intermittent connection. I have presumed that there are neural pathways that are there but hard for me to access, which is why one thing that makes me angry is the implication that somehow I am suppressing my emotions intentionally. That is partly true, because of the flooding: to stay regulated, it’s best for me not to feel too much. And yes, it has caused major problems in my marriage for the reasons you cite. But it’s important for me that people understand that I don’t like being this way either, and am trying my best to do better. Otherwise I feel like a person with spina bifida who is told that not being able to walk is a moral failure, and that I could walk if I only tried.

[@jamiegallier2106]

Very helpful, thank you.

[@BuckRogers2000]

I am generally happy but otherwise, that last category fits me perfectly.

[@deejacks4090]

Yes but dont get this confused with psychotic depression because I was misdiagnosed with alexithymia due to the fact I go I have flat affect and while I dont have delusions or hallucinations I experience an actual inability to smile and react in the same way I used to before the psychotic break. I'm an extrovert artist and performer at heart which is what's made this so devastating... I am able to recognise my own emotions very clearly and dont have difficulty at all in knowing what I'm feeling.... I went to work as a waitress I was there for 5 months.... one night I hadn't slept the night before.. I went into work and couldn't smile which was very challenging....my colleague pulled me aside and asked what was wrong I couldn't tell her my illness because I knew I'd get the sack so I had to leave after 5 months.. I haven't been back to work since. My mum sees my inability to smile everyday and it's really painful for both concerned because shes perfectly normal and knows what I was like before I got ill. DO NOT EVER confuse the 2.. thnx 4 this video

[@taylorh.3484]

I deal with most of what you said. I’m a deep feeler. I NEED and CRAVE my emotions. I recognize all of my own emotions, no matter how weak they are. I was diagnosed with Psychotic Depression too.

[@hansiesma16]

Alexithymia often goes hand in hand with a number of other disorders, including depression. Mis-diagnoses is rife. I often think they just tell you the first thing that pops into their heads, and that they think you want to hear. In my country they give the diagnosis and then you can bugger off and just get on with it.

[@jro3213]

Sorry to hear you're going through that

[@larryc1964]

So Dee, if you were misdiagnosed with Alexithymia, are you saying that the true diagnosis would be psychotic depression?

[@Erika2K]

Oooh, I thought it was just me. I always feel like a 3rd person in my own world and have to fake emotions to be normal. I am always either too deep in or too detached. I always have to condition myself to react in a way that I deem socially right.

[@FringeWizard2]

I experience this 100% the same as you. Always feel like a third person observer (I really relate to those Gondola memes), always too deep or too detached, have to make an extraordinary effort to try and "react" (I can never actually react, I would have to try and think things through in advance and then when I identify something I should react to remember what emotion it is I should try and express and act it out, and every time I encounter a novel experience I would be shit out of luck as to how to react I would have to think up reactions to previous experiences and if I encounter the same thing again maybe I could manage to produce an emotional expression in time).

[@Lili-bj6jc]

So many times, over the years I'd get the same statement from neuro-typical people: "She could care less if the sky fell", and that's just not true. People would think that nothing phased me, but inside, I just wanted to run and hide. It used to frustrate me, which never showed on the outside because I'd mask to hide it. I hate that statement so much. Between that and not being able to describe things to doctors and them understanding that I'm actually in a lot of physical pain, those are the hardest things for me. People just don't give enough time for an explanation. They just assume the answers before I can build a sentence.

[@FringeWizard2]

I am diagnosed with this shit and had chronic pain for years. I experience the noise thing she describes and believe it's just psychic sensing of emotions from others as well as ability of feeling a ton of emotions in my own mind-complex all at once so it's impossible to tell others what I'm feeling but I can tell other people what THEY are feeling and also tell them some of their thoughts because their thoughts will flash into my mind and I will be able to describe it to them and tell them about past experiences they've had and other intimate details of things I see from their minds. I also am completely disassociated from whatever is going on with my face, my face is showing wrong emotions often inappropriate to the situation, and the feedback I get from others confuses me. Like apparently when people are threatening me and I'm in a really bad situation my face just smirks and it tends to confuse and frighten people as well as make them think they are being taunted, meanwhile in my own inner experience I'm always just trying to get along with people and optimize everything and not feeling any of the things my face is expressing. Also people assume things about me wrong because of the massive delays in me responding to them, I often need to go for a walk before I can even respond with anything to someone, my mind is often like a flood of thoughts and so much is going on and if they give me time I will end up outputting an entire lecture worth of feedback to them but I can't just have casual conversations or say anything spontaneously or quick.

[@jimwilliams3816]

Yes, this. “Assume the answers” is a classic example off implicit bias. I think it’s not so much that neurotypical people are great at sensing intent as that their immediate reaction to someone else’s behavior is a bit more likely to be correct if the other person is also neurotypical - the double empathy problem.

[@Tchaikovsky391]

I was never diagnosed, but I think I may have it. Just today I had no idea what I was feeling and I've been so confused all month and suddenly I was extremely angry at myself and I had no idea why. Just recently after having depression I basically suppressed all emotions for a year so maybe that has to do with it. But I'm not sure and it's really hard.

[@nikkinoodlesoup]

I experience all three of these types. I don’t like to touch people and I don’t really like people to touch me, but I’m working on it with my husband. I love my husband to death but I just can’t get my body to show him. It’s like I can only tell him and do things like cooking dinner and packing his lunches for work. That’s my version of physical touch in a way. The second one I do without noticing I do it and it’s always anger that comes out. I’ll answer questions with anger when I’m not even genuinely angry. I’m working on that too. My MIL asked me if our recycle bin takes glass bottles and I just snapped and told her to ask Alexa and I yelled out “Hey Siri” instead and it was frustrating but I wasn’t angry. I was trying to answer her question while I was elbow deep in dish water. Definitely need improvement on my delivery. The third one is anytime I see anything that’s wholesome/family oriented I get overwhelmed and flooded with sadness and I’ll start to cry out of the blue. I don’t need to cry. I don’t want to cry, but it almost physically hurts to stop myself and “suck it back in”. It’s like I can feel the emotion surging through me. It’s always sadness too. This one idk how to work on yet. Any and all suggestions are welcome though. It’s crazy to me that we moved 2 states away from our families and it didn’t bother me one bit. Moving is supposed to be one of the most stressful things a person can do and I just did it without any stress. I’m actually shocked. I didn’t worry about anything. Nothing phased me about driving 12 hours in one and a half days to fill up a storage unit 2 states away with little to no sleep even though we didn’t have a hotel room booked. Didn’t stress about it at all. I don’t understand me.

[@Spengas]

I relate

[@jackeag4295]

I might have this but I'm not sure, I don't really feel emotions properly because I shut myself off so I didn't get hurt as a kid from the people who bullied me but I know when I should be feeling certain emotions (like love) but i don't know if it's there

[@jackalakajack6454]

It's there if you have thoughts about love 💕 you wouldn't understand the concept 💟

[@gamingadd1ct024]

I can’t say that I relate, cause idk what you went through; but I did have a similar feeling of feeling like your emotions are weird. For me, it went for a bit. Started in middle school, and since then I’d just ask people if what I was feeling was considered “normal” because idek. Currently, I identify emotions in two categories: “basic” and “complex.” “Basic emotions”are the ones that I’d easily be able to feel/acknowledge and “Complex emotions” are the ones that I’d still need time to get used to- stuff like crushes or feeling heart-warmed. On my end, Idk if this even counts as alexithymia, honestly.

[@jannetteberends8730]

I’ve got alexithymia, but I don’t know what my problem is. It came out of different psychological tests that I’m not aware of my emotions. The only problem I have is that I don’t notice I’m depressed, so I’m not searching for help in time and go on to long. But the sunny side of this that I don’t feel depressed.

[@hetjamesfield4473]

Just stoped by here to tell you my experience and my research.. Long long research.. My father has it... I was confused my whole childhood why I do not have a father who behaves like other fathers, I was very ashamed of him, VERY ashamed! He did not understand and still does not, the basic things like, when to support some1, when to help, does not have the feeling of responsibility (yet, he is very responsibe + he is a big Ships Commander his whole life), is some1 in pain, etc... He probably can feel a bit, but he does not understaind what he feels neither he cares. And he is a very good man. Ask him anything, he will do it 4 you ALWAYS. People who are evil understood that they can litterally do with him what ever they like, those people were a big part of his life. He still does not understaind that they were all just exploiting him for his money, and when he lost the money, every1 turned theyr back on him, especially when he needed help. And the "best" thing is, he CAN NOT AND IS NOT mad at them, bc he can not be mad at any1 neither understaind... I tryed to explain nzmerous times to him, but, it always ends up in yelling and he getting angry... The next minute he is like nothing happened, litterally laughing on some YT video... He also thinks that it was my responsibility to raise my-self, and still thinks that... And then I found out that his father died when he was 2-3 yrs old. He had noone to teach him human values, you know, "the father-son" stuff, he never went throught that, and bc of thst neither did I. But Im a lot stronger than him in general, and I figured it and got out. I almost ended beeing him. When I see him today, and how easy is everything for him , and not to be able to care for anything, i think he is blessed considering what the World is today and what is turning into... When he sees a mass shooting, it is like a movie for him... He would help people, I know he would, but only if some1 explained to him that some1 is gonna die if he do not react. Beeing without a father and beeing neglected as a child made my father what he/it is today. This is soooo hard to explain, i dont know what im typing any more.... In one sentence: He is a very good unselfish man, smart and kind, but an empty shell.... Completely... At first I taught he was a psycho/sociopath... He is showing A LOT of love to our dog, like A LOT!!!! But still, he would not be able to tell if the dog is suffering, happy, asking him something... I see a strong conection between them (my father and dog), that dog makes him all smiles, but i doubt that he understand what he acctually feels when he is with that dog. Obviously he has his own conclusions what is what.. And he is wrong always when he conclude something where emotions are involved... Maybe he does not feel only humans bc no1 taught him, but he understands animals showing always emotions with them... If that are emotions... Looks like they are genuine with animals. It is a human factor responsible for his condition, it is not genetic. 100% not genetic! And not often but yes, he seeks attention sometimes, but not bad kind of attention like a narcissitic person... It is enough to give him a few seconds of attention when he ask for it, and he is ok. That happens when mostly when I help my mother with something medicaly and he is in the room. Soooo Weird man!!!!! I know i did not explain nothing goo here, but, I know there is no info on this, so Im trying to contribute somehow... Im writing litterally what ever I remember at this moment... If some1 have ANY questions, ask, Im am sure that I can answer you. I know all about this.... sadly...

[@cleob9956]

This is very insightful and I only hear compassion and understanding behind your words. May God grant me and you and everyone to forgive from the heart as it sounds like you have.

[@hetjamesfield4473]

@@cleob9956 Thank You 🙏

[@FringeWizard2]

So your story describes me with the exception of the part of your story where he gets mad I can't get mad at all and I can't express anger not even briefly. I am diagnosed with alexithymia. The rest fits though. I watch gore and other things like that on imageboards and am completely unphased and in life I have been around so many evil people and have been assaulted and robbed and so on and never able to express any anger at anyone that has done me wrong nor am I able to feel anger towards them. Anyways I really badly want children and to be loved and to love and care for a family but I think I am destined to die alone because people like you will always hate me and not understand me. Reading your story actually makes me think I should just kill myself because I am not able to be a proper human in this world and nobody will ever love me and if I somehow lucked out and had a child they might resent me and think of me the way you do your father. :(

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I struggle with this... Because of my intense anger I have given up the hobby of model car building which I love.. sad😢...

[@FringeWizard2]

I have this diagnosis but never ever express anger no matter what. It is impossible for me to feel angry even when being robbed, assaulted, etc.

[@EliLamby104]

Can the last one be sadness instead of anger cause I feel like that is something I have

[@AlmaRose]

This just described me to a T. How do I tell my therapist I have this and what should I tell her to try on me as far as therapy techniques? Been to over a dozen therapists and none of them have ever told me how to handle emotions and I can't describe this (in the video) very well. I feel so lost and without any help. I feel therapists have no clue.

[@brainline]

Self-advocacy can be difficult but you can do it. If you are having trouble explaining, perhaps you can share the video with your therapist.

[@jefft008]

Could it be a disconnect between the amygdala and the frontal lobe?

[@jimwilliams3816]

I think it is connected to executive functioning for many of us, at least to the extent that alexithymia is fairly common among neurodivergent people. I’m ASD, ADHD and GAD, and have always had an overperforming amygdala and an underperforming prefrontal cortex. And of course both respond to noradrenaline.

[@drumslayer27]

I hope this is what I have and it can be reversed. Due to what I'd call psychological torture, along with bad isolation from kind of being exiled. Starting to think it might be my dad that has this, and no idea what I have. Having an extremely hard time feeling things, concentrating, fully feeling emotions like it's just out of reach and that's even disappearing every day, no imagination, social skills are disappearing every day, memory is horrible short term and forgetting old experiences and who I was. Feels like I'm intentionally being made into this, pray this can be reversed, I was a normal above average intelligence functioning person and on top of being way behind in life now all this is looking bad.

[@FringeWizard2]

The isolation reduces me to blankness/vagueness/fatigue/brain-fog too. I am also exiled/outcast. I just do endurance style training all the time and get all the garmin challenges done every month, I really like forms of exercise that go on for hours and hours, and I listen to audiobooks sometimes and other times I can't stand to listen to audiobooks or podcasts so I might play music instead or I simply play nothing and instead observe my thoughts for however long until they run out then I'm in a sort of trance and just experiencing the body and its every sensation as I continue to run for hours. Longest run so far has been 50 km over 7 hours and 20 minutes. It's the only thing I can really control. It's not a healthy amount of exercise but I can't sleep, I have such severe insomnia, and I am always in fight or flight mode... and I get really bad blisters on my feet. Trying to rest does not work though and makes so many things worse for me. I want to get all of the Garmin challenges done (ultimate goal being the 100 mile insanity badge) then I'm going to start focusing more on psychic stuff and then after I achieve all of that if I still am not wanted and not loved by anyone and have to live alone I'm just going to commit Mahasamadhi a form of suicide I want to do.

[@edgreen8140]

Bpd and npd. They buy a card but have no idea about anything of the person they are giving it to. So they ask you and i say yeah and write about the person and sign it.

[@livenotbylies]

That's not bpd/npd. That's just trauma. BPD/npd will write you the best card ever, then tell your mother you are a monster, steal your kids, drain your bank account and be convinced that they are the victim

[@FringeWizard2]

@@livenotbylies Correct.

[@CruzettoStone]

Let’s play yet another guessing game, this time: Is it Alexithymia or ADHD? The symptoms are so similar at least for me 🤷‍♂️

[@laganas2008]

Can you be a psychopath and also have alexithymia? I've heard that psychopaths pretend to show emotions so people don't suspect them as being psychopaths.

[@imsh00k]

Psychopaths have emotions, they just lack empathy, remorse, shame etc.

[@FringeWizard2]

@@imsh00k If that is true then are they more likely to be nudists or do other undesirable behaviours in public because of the lack of shame or will they avoid such behaviours for reasons not pertaining to shame? Is a more defining attribute then simply whether they will get caught / whether there will be consequences and they might otherwise shamelessly do certain things?

[@imsh00k]

@@FringeWizard2 i'm not a psychopath and only a real psychopath can give you a better answer but what i think about it is since they don't feel awkward in social interactions and don't care about what others think or say about them (very high self esteem) they wouldn't care praticing nudism AT ALL. they just would do it and have fun lol.

[@asdff7279]

2 and 3

[@Shooketh__]

totally sounds like me....

[@MunferidC]

Newman!

[@Secret-Serenity]

im a girl and have this.. It's not all guys

[@gregvanpaassen]

Main causes are, in childhood: long term bullying; remote or neglectful parents; parents with high academic/sport expectations (they focus on achievements and have no time for whatever you are feeling). Heavy video gaming can cause this too. A narcissistic or demanding anxiously-attached partner can make it worse; you're always dealing with their feeelings and demands and there is no space for yours.

[@FringeWizard2]

Based (unless you do the rage thing in this video, I am diagnosed with this but don't do the rage thing, and she is wrong to say it is common for people with alexithymia to express rage and not feel it... I neither express rage nor feel it, I am just stoic calm even in the worst situations always). I have seen people in the psych ward and other contexts express rage and then deny they experience the rage and it's kind of amusing but I wouldn't want to live with someone like that for fear of the potential for it to cause problems such as things getting broken. I am extremely poor and own very few things but only very nice and expensive things that take me forever to get, so I can not replace these things easily if they are destroyed.

[@icvideos1621]

Are you calling it, "Alexiathymia?"

[@Jade-db1jx]

This is a lot of harmful misinformation about those with alexithymia. It is not, typically/almost always anger. Setting that prescedent is dangerous for those with alexithymia that disclose their condition publicly. Terrible video explanation, endangering a specific group of public with this mischaracterization.

[@FringeWizard2]

100% agreed I have this diagnosis and am completely unable to express and to feel anger. Everyone that knows me knows I never show it and never feel it. It has resulted sadly in situations where I get assaulted, robbed, etc. because I can't express anger. I also have no idea what my face is doing unless someone gives me feedback and rather recently learned that when people are threatening me, yelling at me, etc. apparently my face is smirking and they are interpreting this as mocking. My inner-experience is completely different though.