Single Catholics, Dating Advice

[@BrianHoldsworth]

For those asking about The Saintmaker, you can find it here: www.thesaintmaker.com/?peachs_apc=brianholdsworth

[@sarathomas8499]

Hey what's your camera and microphone links? Your videos always so professional. I'm also starting a KZbin channel but funnily I'm aiming towards young people who need to hear it! I'm 19 myself Thx 😊

[@BrianHoldsworth]

@@sarathomas8499 Good for you. My setup is fairly similar to this one, although, it's now getting a little out of date, so you may want to see if he's published any follow ups to this with newer gear: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jZbHeGuCgLRpodU

[@sarathomas8499]

@@BrianHoldsworth Thanks!

[@sono_ardian]

As a 22 years old man living in Italy, I totally agree that we feel "abandoned": I feel almost completely alone in my faith, I know no other young faithful catholics besides my best friend (god bless him). I want to marry one day, but I really struggle in finding catholic girls, and even so, it doesn't mean that if she's catholic than we'll marry. Sometimes this "loneliness" can be stressfull, and I try to talk to God about it, but it is still there... Didn't want to make it too sad HAHA, but that's the reality that I see and live

[@DC-zz7fm]

Same exact situation. If you want an advice, i would try, if you have the possibility, to look for progects aimed to young people of diceses outside of your own, expecially if you live in a small town, or from caritas or things like that. I got to know some girls this way (i'm also from Italy).

[@lumelostudios]

Heyyy I just wanted to share some words of encouragement - I’m also struggling in the same situation - I’m 20 - what has helped me is going on to the online Catholic forums and websites and places like Twitter and chatting with Catholic influencers who share similar interests like Anime! We geek out over Catholic doctrine and theology in anime together! 😆 Also another thought that helps me - I believe solitude helps us grow closer to God, and when it’s the right time I’m sure you’ll meet your somebody - God will put them right in front of you 😂 whether it’s for friendship or marriage! So for now, let’s build up our relationship with the Lord and trust Him! 💪🏾❤️ don’t worry! In the words of st Teresa of Avila “All will be well.” Just keep loving God and others each day, and God will reveal His plan! Hope this helps! God bless bro! ❤

[@dh7164]

Un abbracio allo mio fratello nel Cristo, from America. Hope I didn't butcher that too bad. Everyone has good advice when they say look in these places and those movements of young, interested Catholics. It puts you within range of likelihood that you will find someone who can be the one for you. You're also doing those ladies a favor. My advice is an addition to that, but more in hitting point targets than area targets, as is said in military talk. I am advising in these extraordinary times that extraordinary discernment and prudence are needed - and in a quality that surpasses our own virtue - we need our Lady to storm heaven for each of us as her sons. I live in an American city that is actually very blessed with very faithful and vibrant, full Catholic parishes with many large families and young people and a community that still encourages traditional forms of courtship that insulate them from the demographic trends of our modern society, which is in the process of committing suicide in front of us. I did not find my wife in these parishes and communities. I met my wife through a sibling, from a foreign country. We defied all the lockdowns of 2020 and visited each other back and forth and got married the next year. We surmounted impossible obstacles of the burdens they place on legal immigration, we overcame v@xx mandates, and unemployment. This all began before I met her by praying the Rosary relentlessly, for the intention of finding her. I started praying three Rosaries a day and refused to stop to see if it was working. I just kept praying and she was put right in front of me, and I stepped up to the opportunity, and the rest was history. It was a very unlikely story. It all happened because of our Lady. We can create likelihoods in our lives, but God can create certainties, and His Mother will help us if we ask. If by now things have not changed for you, please pray, as much and as long as it takes. I started my aggressive campaign of prayer in november of 2018 and I met her in January of 2019. I am not saying it will be the same for you, but have confidence in the loving motherhood of Mary - you are her son just as I am, and probably a more deserving one.

[@tommy02897]

Ciao! Ti capisco benissimo. Se sei all'università ci sono sicuramente gruppi del cosiddetto CLU (Comunione e Liberazione Universitari) che puoi iniziare a frequentare per conoscere gente cattolica della tua età. Esistono anche al di fuori dell'università, puoi trovare i contatti del gruppo della tua zona sul sito. Così è come ho iniziato io, spero sia di aiuto

[@MeredithTrujillo-mt6pc]

I know what your feeling as a young Catholic women I feel alone too but we have to remember God has a plan for for us we just have to be patient and trust in him and wait till God is ready to show us.

[@mhodkinson]

Finally at age of 40, I will be getting married in couple of weeks. I’ve been single for such a long time. I prayed the 54-Day Rosary Novena then I signed up at Catholic Match and that’s how I met my fiancé.

[@EAAAA1505]

what is catholic match? I would like to sign up.

[@mhodkinson]

Hello@@EAAAA1505 yeah it's a dating website or app for Catholics. you can sign up for free but need to be a paid member to message . All the best :)

[@sarahisatitagain]

Congratulations! I hope you are both very happy

[@sarathomas8499]

Wow can you share the novena? Or was it just a regular rosary said 54 days straight Thx 😊

[@mhodkinson]

Thank you for all your kind comments ladies 😊 I’ve been married now for 4 months. Don’t lose hope. Continue to seek the Lord and strive to develop virtues needed for married life. Married life is beautiful but it’s not easy and it’ll be more challenging for people lacking in virtues. God bless 🙏🏽 Keep praying for more holy and sacramental marriages

[@danrocky2553]

This is an incredibly important point. Meeting up for young Catholics needs to be a priority. The culture is more than ready to consume young lonely Catholics

[@jasonh.8754]

because society understands hookups and dating like no Catholic Priest ever will. As stated on another post, all through history it was Catholics themselves who formed networks to get young people to meet. There was always a friend or relative who new a 'nice young Catholic' that was looking to meet up.

[@larrymelman]

@@jasonh.8754 Again, no one is asking priests to provide social activities for the community. That's not their job, and never was. Now where priests could help, is to speak to the topic from the pulpit every now and then, to try to get social life restarted in our parishes again. If it's not too late.

[@jasonh.8754]

@@larrymelman but you don't seem to understand, priests are the worst people to preach on social activities, they devote their lives to God, not forming social relationships. It's up to families and older Catholics to provide social engagement for singles and young people.

[@larrymelman]

@@jasonh.8754 I am guessing that you are not old enough to remember when every parish had a social life. Yes it's up to the members of the parish to do the work. But the priest's role is to support and encourage and allow the use of the parish facilities. No, not to preach about it.

[@Kitiwake]

Why just 'young' Catholics?

[@jeromejerome9395]

For men, I think the intercession of St. Joseph is especially important. Start not by praying: "O Lord, give me a good spouse." But rather: "O Lord, make me a better man, like Joseph, so that I can be a good husband and father."

[@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese]

Been praying for years. Im so tired of it. Im 26 and only had my first failed relationship just this last month. She was pretty, but manipulative and toxic, so I left her. I cant find anyone else and although want a family, I am so sick of women and their games and the ghosting and all the bullshit they do to me. If it was meant for me, it would’ve happened by now.

[@undolf4097]

@@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese you’ll be okay, man! If you want to get married, you only need to meet one girl!

[@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese]

@@undolf4097 it only takes one, but I cant seem to find one

[@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese]

@@undolf4097 I’m trying to find just one, but God keeps telling me no every single time I try and form a romantic relationship. I feel deeply worried and lonely, and honestly, angry

[@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese]

@@undolf4097 i cant find one. I have no patience anymore

[@Fiona2254]

When I got tired of dating losers (cheaters) I was in church one Sunday and told Him I was clearly unable to find a “good one” on my own and that whenever He thought I was ready He should put him in front of me so that I would recognize him. About a month later I met him and indeed it was pretty obvious that we could be a couple. That was March 26 1986 and we became inseparable from the get go. Two years later we married, did wait for our wedding night, and we are still together. “Perfect” couple perhaps not but since day one we have worked on our relationship. Blessings! PS I told him I was waiting for my wedding night, period, and he respected that line. We have 3 children, pray they return to the church 🙏🏽

[@barbarasvatek8255]

Beautiful witness!

[@cinderelladevil1687]

Pray my daughter return to the Church too

[@jenn2597]

Please pray for my daughter too! She has left the church too. I will pray for both of your children!

[@haronsmith8974]

I had a similar story

[@zyuh64]

That’s a beautiful story 🌸

[@kayleebaginski]

I noticed the same things missing for the young adult demographic at my parish. For years I got upset why the church wasn’t doing anything for us and that there was no encouragement to date or even an opportunity. All my Protestant friends at their churches put massive emphasis on dating and so many of them are getting married left and right. I only know maybe a few who are getting married in the Church. I felt left out, discouraged, and confused. So, I decided to take matters in my own hands and start a young adult community there. We’ve had many young adults gather together for social events, the sacraments, and fellowship. Many couples have met at these gatherings and are currently discerning marriage. There’s still a lot of work to go in the young adult ministry (since I feel most who attend are looking for something for themselves and not necessarily seeking to give), but I’ll give it some time. I’m 28 and unmarried and have absolutely no clue if I’ll be married or not. There’s a ton of grief there, especially since I’ve never dated anybody ever. I feel terrified that despite my daily valiant efforts at becoming a godly and noble woman and healing/repairing genuine issues that could effect the marriage, my hope to give of myself to another man in the marriage sacrament may be unrealized. Another terrifying thought is that I’d have to completely change who I am, how I look, and be totally fake just for the sake of me getting married. Of course, that’s extreme, but I hope I can continue putting in the work necessary for the sacrament and to live it out in a holy way until I die.

[@pcarebear1]

I agree wholeheartedly with you. I'm now 35, but in the Catholic Church and Hispanic family it's very wary of "dating". I was 15 focusing on school and working then all of a sudden I was asked "when am I going to get a boyfriend?" It was hard to figure out dating when they don't have common places for singles. The "regular" dating pool is extremely hard, I want to be authentic and honest (telling my date I'm traditional one the first date). My love life sucks b/c of that but at least I'm not wasting time or hurting feelings.

[@addtothebeauty]

You sound like a wonderful woman, Kaylee. Keep networking and doing what you're doing. Don't change anything, except to become more holy. (Fr. Ripperger says the root of growing in grace, virtue, and holiness is to be willing to suffer; that's what I'm working on.) I was 34 when I had my first real romantic relationship. "Your will be done" is one of the greatest prayers.

[@rebn8346]

Don't be afraid. There seems to be a lot of confusion on knowing that you're authentic with change. Look up the woman's school by January Donovan.

[@juliansoto2651]

Why would you radically change if you get married? Sounds like you aren't willing to sacrifice (something we all have to do as Christians). Or maybe it's not your vocation. I would like to know.

[@NoName-zb1gm]

You can only be yourself. Be Godly and noble and never waver. I know you'll never lower yourself to be anything but who you are. It's easy to get frustrated and say it's not worth it but we can only be who we are.

[@gameologian7365]

The best advice I ever learned was to become the person that your dream spouse wants to marry

[@CarpDiemBaby]

It’s true. I used to pray to St. Joseph to place a beautiful woman before me, now I pray for strength, courage, sacrifice. Things that every man ought to embody.

[@joeyparisi1371]

Here's another one's that's similar: Become the Man/Women that you want your Son/Daughter to be

[@whsp3rs333]

your advice is a double edge sword. If your dream spouse does not like half of you, should you change? if she changes her mind, will you become her new dream spouse? Enjoy living a fake life with this type of crap advice

[@dzi6278]

You will not become a dream wife by trying to be like your dream husband. :d roles are different

[@yomanxy]

Excellent wording.

[@LLopez993]

My experience was: The moment you completely surrender your desire of a spouse to God and trust in his love then you’ll be ready to receive his gift. ( unconditionally, no matter the time or how ) … open your heart to the unexpected. Don’t be afraid of asking God for your spouse but at the end know it’s our Lord’s choice “ patience and surrender”

[@serga7486]

Or not. Discernment is weird

[@user-lu6mq3zc6z]

question, how does one completely surrender desire of a spouse? I need tips and help in this area. Thank you

[@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese]

@@serga7486if yoy dont want to be a priest or a monk or a nun already, dont waste your time going to a seminary, convent, or monastery

[@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese]

@@user-lu6mq3zc6zIdk what it means either. Nobody gives a fuck about us and nobody helps us. I’m a 26 year old single guy, only had my first failed relationship this year. I want a family but I am so sick of women and their bullshit. Im tired of rejection, games, ghosting, and no reciprocating of efforts. I hate having such a high libido and no spouse to channel it with.

[@amyschlegel1180]

@@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese What it means is turning your life over to God instead of trying to control everything yourself. It means focusing on becoming the kind of man that God wants you to be first and foremost - a man who loves God, who prays, lives a moral life, even when no one is watching, a man who is strives to help others and who is willing to make sacrifices, a man who tries to make the world a better place - a man who treats women respectfully, even when they act like they don't deserve it. If you do this, you grow in holiness, you build character, and you become the kind of man that virtuous, classy women want and are attracted to.

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

Thank you. I've been saying this for years. Single in may 40s. Engaged twice. One died and one went to the seminary and is now a priest. I'm a nurse, pro life worker, and despise selfishness. I am seeing a lot of single selfishness and it's scary! Narcissism 101. Yes, confession, AND working on healing inner wounds. Conflict delayed, is conflict multiplied.

[@ericfreshcorn3590]

Hello I,m A Single Christian Man From Ohio I,m 41 years old

[@israeliana]

Pray that God's Will will be done.

[@ericfreshcorn3590]

hello can we be friends@@israeliana

[@dh7164]

I think your disposition is heroic. I would be whining 'why me?' to God after those experiences. I was recently listening to Malachi Martin talking on a conservative talkshow in 1978, and he put it very clearly - the new generation sees sex as an entitlement. For Catholics that translates as an entitlement to marriage. But he said the Church never saw that as an entitlement, and even preaches that in the lives of some - all those who do not find a spouse - there is no sex at all, of any kind. That idea today is intolerable, unthinkable. You are made of "sterner stuff" and I think that's a sign of God's grace accompanying you. I pray that you find whatever will make you happy, according to God's design. It is refreshing to see your comment.

[@TRUMPmyOSHI]

Your experience sounds like that of the wife in Tobit.

[@jennifernorton905]

There are a lot of older singles who are over college age, but they get ignored. Sadly, if you're a single woman without children, it's easy to feel invisible in the RC church. I can't tell you how many times I have volunteered at church, only to be rejected. They started a dating class for the college girls (I guess a dating support group?) but they've made it clear that I'm not to attend because I'm too old. I could have been a co-leader or something, but they chose a married woman to be the leader that hasn't been on a date in 45 years. LOL. Nobody at my parish wants to be social with me and they seem pretty uncomfortable with my single state.

[@albertito77]

I wish I could say it’s easier when you’re that age. Unfortunately you’ll probably have to settle for a man who is divorced and annulled and with children. And you’ll need to be ok with that.

[@sudosara]

@@albertito77 incredibly rude. Go to confession

[@albertito77]

@@sudosara I don’t understand. That’s the reality of dating in your 40s. What did I say that was unkind or false?

[@Ezekiel336-16]

It's been the same for me sister ever since the Lord really got me to be a disciple at 33. I'm now 48. Some concessions were made for me on occasion in the beginning, but once I reached 40 it was clear that I was too old and far along (serious) in my faith to have much in common with the 18-35yo crowd. We may just be some of the ones to forgo marriage for the sake of the Kingdom though, or we may be like Moses who was in his forties before having a family and getting married. Who knows? But don't allow yourself to settle for anyone who does not compliment your faith well, especially if it's really strong because that will drive you both crazy! In Christ, Andrew

[@sudosara]

@@albertito77 I didn't know you were God and could see her future.. Seriously though, single people don't need any more discouragement. Satan loves to discourage and make people lose hope and weaken their faith. She doesn't have to settle for anything that doesn't align with her faith and values nor make any unwise decision in haste because of fear or insecurity.

[@MoralGovernment]

They used to have dances for single people. Like in West Side Story, the Irish boy and the Puerto Rican girl met at the Catholic dance.

[@albertito77]

This. Or even encourage match making services like the Jew have. An older woman with grown children has the wisdom and temperament to do this

[@jagmichaelgilbert8523]

@@albertito77 did you watch the video? You really need to re watch brother, God bless but why do you keep commenting things that miss the point? This comment is ok kinda but not really building on anything he said.

[@mikemueller99]

I'm lucky to attend a parish where these occur regularly but too often the young men do not step up to ask the ladies to dance especially if it's not a big group dance. Men need the encouragement and courage to take the first step like gentlemen

[@albertito77]

@@mikemueller99 this is true. Girls like the courage even if it comes out awkward. But... I've heard that some bois are too thirsty. Some Catholic girls report having boys ask them if they are single before they've even asked their name! Come one men!! This reeks of desparation and even if she was interested in you before, well she aint now!!

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

the damn 'smart' deVICEs came out. Laziness, porn, apathy.....yup!

[@benturner853]

As a single Catholic man in college, this is a great and needed video, and I completely agree that (at least in my experience) young Catholics are in desperate of this sort of help. God Bless.

[@RhinoaLunar]

I just turned 44 and I’m converting to Catholicism. I begin my classes in September. I’m single and want a family more than anything. Thank you for this video.

[@personanongrata7976]

Converted when I was forty. May God bless you.

[@cbentler4528]

I think we need a part 2! 👏 Honestly, hearing the same people talk about these topics over and over can make them lose their impact over time. And your take on this was so new and fresh, I loved it!

[@LaserFace23]

One piece of advice is to definitely not wait for Mr/Ms Right, because nobody is going to be perfect, yet I see a lot of people in the Church, young and old, who act like every marriage should start out like a fairy tale. Don't be jumping into marriage without its due consideration, but I met my wife at a time where I wouldn't have considered myself marriage material, and she's changed over the years as well. If you've found someone you get along with really well, have similar goals and values, and whom being with causes the two of you to improve, then you've got a good candidate for marriage. As for actually meeting that person, I've got no idea lol. I got lucky and met my wife by happenstance, and then just pursued her without hesitation. There's no real way to make it happen other than to say "yes" to whatever opportunities may present themselves, even if the past 100 times you said "yes" lead nowhere.

[@Vikloz]

You didn't get lucky, it's always God's will. I'm glad you found that girl who would become your wife. ✌

[@addtothebeauty]

"If you've found someone you get along with really well, have similar goals and values, and whom being with causes the two of you to improve, then you've got a good candidate for marriage." This sounds like good advice. Thank you for sharing.

[@NoName-zb1gm]

This was my strategy and I saw someone from my church on a dating site. We chatted a little and I felt like we had a lot of the same interests. I wasn't in love or anything. I just wanted to see if we would get along. But her profile seemed very non-Christian like wanting a younger man, which to me is a silly qualification on a Christian dating site.

[@musicboi3530]

ONE PIECE 😱😱😱😱

[@QuoVadi]

Too much trauma to not wait. I'd rather be single forever than be trapped in a marriage where i sometimes hate my spouse and neglect/abuse/traumatize my kids, driving them away from the faith. Unfortunately this is too common and each couple I've encountered had one of these three conflicting pieces of advice for me: 1. Marriage is hell but that's just life, no point in being picky cause then you may not even get married 3. Be careful and have high standards, don't settle. 4. Just don't get married. You're not missing much. My advice? Don't consider marriage until you're ready and they're ready for it. That way your spouse and kids don't suffer unnecessarily from you both not being ready.

[@RedactedBrainwaves]

Problem is finding people when your community has some distance. Nowadays everyone seems a bit cold and as a new convert I often find myself disoriented and a bit lonely. I am generally working well with the elderly, which is kind of mandatory because in my parish everyone is either too young (kids and teens), old, or already married from another community. So right now I'm just focusing on really getting a good grasp of the faith, listening to the experience of the elderly and trying to work my way to sainthood, marriage or no marriage. I'm kind of open to all possibilities right now, even priesthood.

[@tavares4224]

Estamos em uma posição bem semelhante, meu caro. Saiba que você não está só. Espero e rogo para que você tenha sucesso, seja no matrimônio ou na ordenação.

[@jennifernorton905]

I'm a convert, too (I was raised Baptist) and it was a bit of a culture shock because Catholics seem so much more reserved.

[@GioLeoLopez]

Brian Holdsworth, I thank you for all of the gems you impart upon your viewers and us newfound Catholics. May the Lord bless you and your family

[@meridaphoenix4036]

I am 37 yo Indonesian Catholic woman. I still wish to marry and enjoy great life and meet someone catholic too. But time is ticking and all I can do is smiling looking at single catholic men and women in the comments. Wish everyone meets the right catholic person. GOD be with us

[@haronsmith8974]

When I became Catholic in my mid 20s, dating got 10x as hard. Young adult ministry can be at times a meat market, and people feel a way to act a way that makes them kinda "plastic personality".

[@matthewvelazquez2013]

Yep, that's because we human beings are rational beings which means we know how to compare. The sad reality is a majority of Catholics are worldly Catholics which means that all the comparing that the Catholic women are doing is worldly comparing. The Catholic woman is comparing her life to the Protestant married life and she wants the same thing for herself as a Catholic from her Catholic man. That's where the plastic personality comes from: worldly Catholics who are Catholic and name only secretly Desiring to live Protestant lives because they keep comparing themselves to this Majority Protestant culture and want what they see for themselves.

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

@@matthewvelazquez2013 it also comes from the use of 'smart' deVICES and addictions to porn and/or just plain the computer.

[@elar5937]

@@matthewvelazquez2013 Catholic women aren't the only ones guilty of this. Catholic men are just as guilty of having unrealistic expectations and being extremely worldly. This isn't a one-sided issue where women deserve to be demonized and men are free of blame. It's a universal issue in our modern world. Both sexes form plastic personalities for themselves.

[@markbollinger1343]

That being weird part is key for young men. So many-in particular trads- are just weird and don't really know how to speak to women even as friends, and certainly in a romantic sense. Would you be open to doing a series (maybe with a Catholic woman) on how to speak and approach women?

[@donm-tv8cm]

I think you're so spot on about the needs of young adults. I was a Protestant in my younger years, and I at least had the benefit of an active Singles group that actively encouraged dating, as well as addressed the unique needs that young singles have. Every Parish should have a Singles group, or at least partner with neighboring parishes. I would think we want to encourage Catholics to marry Catholics and to date in a pure way that honors God, and this would be the best way to make it happen. It certainly worked in the Protestant church I was part of!

[@Ezekiel336-16]

We should also have dating and courting preparation groups that teach and train people on the qualities of being a disciple that they need to be truly successful. In Christ, Andrew

[@serga7486]

You ever notice anything socially/community-ly different from your protestant days? I swear we as a church body are not doing something right, and i doubt ive witnessed any creative problem solving in my time as a catholic in community (but congrats to places like Notre Dame, their social scenes are probably alive)

[@donm-tv8cm]

@@serga7486 Yes, in Catholicism it seems it's much more a matter of what you make of it. Yet it's a much more honest approach. Our God has always been about human free will, and what He has wanted from the beginning is for each of us to independently choose to follow Him and do good things for Him out of that free will. If we would but individually make that decision, the whole social scene within the Catholic Church would be entirely different from what it is today, and we wouldn't have so many lukewarm poorly catechized Catholics running around, bringing disrepute to the Faith. But I don't get to see much of the social scene at the moment. I am an over-the-road trucker, trying to get my two-plus years of experience in that will allow me to get a good high-paying local trucking job that will allow me to be in Mass and Church life every week. I so look forward to that. And I plan to plug in and be involved in some of the parish's ministries when I finally can.

[@juanpablobasualdo8186]

@@Ezekiel336-16 YES! Bringing back courting etiquete and normalizing dating circles within older age groups would be wonderful!

[@DemitriVladMaximov]

39 single male, completely given up on dating and have lost all interest in looking to get married and have kids. I wish that the church would show singles the same dignity as those who are married or going into religious life. I am not asking for special treatment, I understand marriage is a sacrament, I am not trying to take away from those who have found that joy and love. All I would like is some recognition that we exist and that we are no less Christians, no less valued in God's eyes. Jesus Himself said there would be those who wouldn't marry, why is it that I often feel that we don't even exist in the mindset of the church?

[@etcwhatever]

I think the Church doesnt even care to promote social events for singles to relate in a clean, safe environment...whether a person is a single looking for a parter or just wanting to have catholic friends. Isolation isnt pleasant. Im trying to getting used to it...

[@QuoVadi]

Same

[@cheerstopoland]

Where do you live?

[@allenwinston9225]

I live in the MKE Metro area. They don't care about singles of any age. They tell you go look at Catholic Match. It is so opposite traditional Catholic courtship.

[@etcwhatever]

@@allenwinston9225 maybe it works for some people. I live in a very small country so the dating pool on Catholic Match is depressing to put it nicely.

[@celestialblissfulness]

I’m 26 with a 3 year old kiddo and next weekend is my 5th year wedding anniversary. God has given me a wonderful husband. I pray you all find your other half and that you both grow closer to God with each others help. 🙏🏼

[@engineer4god470]

Single, 31 year old Catholic here. Thank, you Brian. You really hit the nail on the head with the church not giving singles good places to meet. For years, I've wanted an exclusive Catholic singles group but my plea was rejected with "A singles group will attract too many needy people". I can understand that to a point, but it doesn't solve the problem. Finally, a couple years ago, such a group finally came into existence! Unfortunately, however, I'm finding this not a good place to meet people because this group has a rosary in the church followed by going to a bar for mingling. I'm an introvert and being thrown into a room bursting with people makes it difficult to meet anyone. I asked if they'd consider changing the format, but they didn't want to. What I envision is something like a bible study with small groups. That way it's easier to meet and we can actually converse (not to knock the rosary, but praying the rosary together has less interaction). I'm still open to trying this group out, but I'm now seriously considering joining a Protestant singles group that does bible studies. I really want to marry a Catholic, but it seems almost impossible at this point. I know it's difficult to be unequally yoked, but I feel like if I keep sticking to only dating Catholics, I'll be single the rest of my life.

[@lilyapollon5427]

"Don t say u ll be single forever..",u can contact me.I m looking for a Catholic man too.

[@engineer4god470]

@@lilyapollon5427 thanks, Lily. I’m actually currently seeing someone at the moment, but I appreciate you saying so 😊

[@juanpablobasualdo8186]

Prayers for your dating! May God bless you and Mary and St. Joseph guide and bring you joy!

[@engineer4god470]

@@juanpablobasualdo8186 Thank you, kind sir!

[@AlexanderTheFarmer]

@@lilyapollon5427 Brutality, that was just straight brutal.

[@mariedezine8966]

Hello Brian. This is a great video. God has gifted me with this content in His perfect timing. He is never late but always on time. I needed to hear/watch this because I’ve been praying & asking what do I need to learn in my season of singleness & I believe this video was speaking loud & clear. Thank you for this reality check. Many people need to hear this message. Praise be to God. I’m not sure if you did a part 2 but hopefully you can. I’ll be praying for you & your team.🙏🏾

[@israeliana]

Amén

[@xiomarablanco5598]

Awesome and timely video. I’ve been happily married (99% of the time) for 47 years, but I’ve been hearing from young men they’re having difficulty finding the right girl for even dating. So, I’ll forward this video to my daughter and friends with teenagers and college students to check your wise advise. Thank your for caring for others and taking action by using your talents and preparing these videos to share. May God continue blessing you and your family. Good job Brian!👍

[@ChrisS-ps4lg]

I was single for quite a while. I did not date in college (1970s). Almost every young msn I met had already been intimate with others. I was raised as a strong feminist and through grace had been able to see how hurtful and disrespectful this attitude was. I was involved in a college group of young people attached to the Newman Center. Part of acquiring virtue was to deepen my relationship with God and give assent to the teaching of the Church instead of attempting to find loopholes. I then placed my future in God's hands and ask that He form me into spousal material. Knowing what the Church taught and assenting to her teachings laid a good foundation to know more clearly what good was to be desired. This helped a lot, and I wanted to acquire those goods in my soul. I participated in some community activities that were multigenerational. One of these being folk dancing. I met a shy young man and we would dance together from time to time. We really didn't know each other other than that. But I had observed that he treated everyone with respect and dignity. I had taken a job recently as music director at a Catholic Church and unbeknownst to either of us after Mass we recognized each other there. He was an usher. We dated and then we married. I had not been looking for a spouse. There have been many ups and downs, but giving my "yes" to God through my wedding vows has upheld us through the turbulence of married life. Brian is so correct that if you don't know how to suffer and die to yourself a broken heart is almost inevitable. Pursue God and be open to the great adventure He has in store for you.🌹

[@matthewvelazquez2013]

Thank you for sharing.

[@ChrisS-ps4lg]

@@matthewvelazquez2013 My pleasure.

[@Hrvoje876]

​@@ChrisS-ps4lg how old was you when you got married if I can ask?

[@ChrisS-ps4lg]

@@Hrvoje876 hi, I met my husband when I was 37 and we married when I was 42.

[@Hrvoje876]

@@ChrisS-ps4lg OK, thanks. I have only ask because you never mentioned your age when you met each other.

[@suem6004]

Marriage is a life journey with someone. Know where you want to go in terms of family but also spiritually. If you have no direction, how will you find a life partner also desiring the same thing? Be honest and upfront when dating. If you re merely looking for companionship then say so. If marriage is what you seek, but honest. Not pushy but open. Do not scheme to hide or deceive another of your intention. After 3 dates, you should have an inkling if this partnership has real potential. The worst you can do is drag others along hoping, wishing, praying to discern whether that other person is genuinely in the run as a marriage partner. Do not waste time on dead end relationships. Re chastity. It is totally doable. If you cannot exercise self control prior to marriage, there is little hope for celibacy through out the marriage. Save the best for last.

[@marzparker7928]

Awesome content. I sure wished I had these guidelines when I was dating 39 years ago and when my kids were dating. They have become "old fashioned" but ever so valuable in this hook-up era. Thank you for stating them and reviving them for the continuation of solid families. God bless you, Brian!

[@christinadebusschere]

This is awesome, Brian! My husband and I often lament how many young singles we know who procrastinate dating (or dating ones who put off marriage). At some point, you need to take the leap, whether it's going to that dance, asking the girl out, or picking out the engagement ring! But I think you've highlighted a lot of great preliminary things that single Catholics can tackle first. This advice is great for growing in holiness, which is what God calls all of us to do, and who doesn't want a holy spouse, right? Keep up the amazing work!

[@chadwickpainter8212]

This was well done. Thank you for posting it. I have returned to the faith after many years of living improperly. I have been trying to mould myself into a proper faithful Catholic man since my return to the faith. I would love to have a good Catholic marriage. I have been working on straightening myself out to be what a good woman would need but I'm not sure I will make the cut. It makes me very sad to entertain that thought but there in lies one of the problems. It is difficult to hope for something only to figure out that it may not become a reality. I suppose my thinking has been disordered as no amount of lack should take my happiness in the Lord from me. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it. Your video has given me some things to ponder. I suppose I have made my want for a marriage and Idol to an extent and that isn't good for anyone. Your point about patience hasn't gone unnoticed. Patience and chastity have become an important focus for me on this journey. You are quite correct about needing them both in the endeavor of such an important vocation as marriage. Thanks for being a voice of reason for those of us who struggle with the battles of mind and soul while trying to put our feet on solid ground.

[@JephPlaysGames]

Another thing I see, and am even guilty of, is people having unrealistic expectations for what they look for in potential spouses.

[@Ezekiel336-16]

We should all be earnestly seeking a fellow disciple who complements and as able to improve our life as a disciple with the Lord. When that happens, seeking first the Kingdom of God, then the rest is a true joy (even when life gets tough). In Christ, Andrew

[@OrthoLou]

Honestly I just want someone who's a practicing freaking Catholic and doesn't embrace the ugly part of our culture today (who I also have romantic compatibilities with as well, obviously). ....do you know how rare that first part is today, especially in an urban area where I live, let alone someone like that to fall in love with on top of it?

[@JephPlaysGames]

@@OrthoLou I get that. I've attempted to use CatholicMatch before and the amount of women on there who say they are devoutly catholic, but their profile lists that they don't agree with church teachings on premarital sex, contraception, and the sanctity of life is ridiculous.

[@sebastienzarate9408]

@@JephPlaysGames Ayyy yoooo!!!!! I have a profile on CatholicMatch and sometimes I run into some BS that is beyond belief, people who aren't even catholic use this website to date or find long-term partners, but the funny thing is that if you are truly invested in the Catholic faith, you can sniff these posers a mile away, when they put "Don't agree with church teachings on premarital sex, contraception, and the sanctity of life" on their profiles, I swear it pisses me off to see people using that website thinking its like Tinder.

[@JephPlaysGames]

@Niamh Might have to look into long distance

[@kmtm93]

That lecture about growing in virtue now and showing God that we’re ready for marriage was exactly what I needed.

[@simplycj5460]

I’m glad you made this video and will share it with the Young Adult coordinator at my parish. I know so many young, single, Catholics who want to find a man/woman to marry. From conversations that I’ve had, one thing preventing young men from committing is that they are dealing with shame, brought on by their addiction to pornography. I wonder how prevalent this is.

[@MM22272]

That's a common vice among others that are obstacles to courtship and marriage, and which can delay a man's or woman's disposition to marry, because such vices may not be overcome for years. Pornography not only generates money for producers, but at once decimates men's and women's lives, marriage, and also populations etc. The more fundamental question is: what is being done to warn the Catholic laity about such dangers with as much zeal as a fireman telling people to evacuate a burning building. Avoiding moral admonition and training to avoid such evils is the white elephant in the room.

[@GuitaristOnDaRoof]

Most men don’t have a porn addiction, they have a porn habit.

[@AlexanderTheFarmer]

As a 21 year old Catholic man, I can tell you things will only get worse before they get better. It's all about letting go of the pride so that we don't end up sinning in any way possible. Most people don't care and don't want to let go of the pride. That's why things are the way they are now.

[@NM-pl1iv]

@BrianHoldsworth another awesome video. I’m 39 and recently single but even before I’ve noticed a huge lack of activities for adults or young adults. You can see it at my parish, it’s mostly families and elderly parishioners that attend services. I’ve tried to volunteer at my church and was told no, I’m not sure how open they are to new groups or activities. The other advice about working on yourself and being introspective hopefully helps people. I’m leaving things up to gods plan but I’ve definitely been working on myself. One thing I can add is for people to embrace your hobbies, I like going to a two step dance class. If you struggle with talking to people it’s a good class to go to, mostly regular nice people with enough new people thrown in the mix and you’re constantly changing partners. It can definitely help people get over some social anxiety while learning a new skill.

[@catholicfemininity2126]

I think I finally figured out that God probably isn't letting me meet someone because I have too many issues that need to be improved upon. I don't think I'll be able to handle the cross of marriage or motherhood the way I am now. I'll try to improve, but if I never marry, it'll hurt, but I'll be okay as long as I make it to Heaven. That's truly all that matters. Please pray for me.

[@jessica3285]

We obviously need a part 2 for sure

[@jamesmccloud7535]

4:14 The opposite gender is different but complimentary. Do not resent them, understand them (Love is patient). 7:03 Vocation for marriage starts today by making yourself a man/woman of virtue 8:26. Marriage is not a reward but a cross of self-denial. Have the right intentions and be prepared to sacrifice yourself for the other person. 10:15 Pray 11:27 Be deliberate but don't put too much pressure in the beginning. 12:52. Practice chastity and have open communication about it

[@saraheeee]

I got lucky and stuck with a God fearing man who wasn’t Catholic who I was supremely attracted to and he studied and found the Catholic Church to be the true church. We are now 9 years married and 5th child on the way. God has and continued to mold us into a better husband and wife. I was a cute and fun 24 year old when we met though.

[@doloresgr716]

great testimony! thanks for sharing!

[@aliasreco]

I went to theological college (three years living in the compound) there were 128 students at that time. Boys and girls- because boys might preach later on but girls need to study too before going on the mission field. I found my wife because you can observe them. How their dedication to Christ is. Strong rules in the compound. Break the moral rules and you're send home. Which really helps ! That was 45 years ago. We're happely married and still active on the mission field. All praise to Jesus Christ.

[@SteveHampton-jq4rp]

I think many bishops don't have an understanding of this demographic because it's relatively new. Unmarried adults into their 30's is a new phenomenon. I don't think older generations understand the issue and the depth of the loneliness young people are feeling.

[@deborahakong1013]

BootCamp of Self Denial is literally the title of my notes. Thank you! Thank you!

[@DarthVeers2]

I truly appreciate the clarity & brevity of your advice! So much Catholic dating advice on the internet is quite terrible, way too individualized to the specific couple, & unfortunately, not based in Catholic teaching or even basic common sense or reason. It’s good to see a Catholic putting out great dating advice especially since some of the best dating advice I have received has come from non-Catholics. If we have the fullness of the Truth that should be reflective in all areas of our life, so thank you for embodying that.

[@larrymelman]

Where was the "brevity" in this video? Man, I thought it would never end.

[@OrthoLou]

Honestly, I just feel as a Catholic millennial man, it's just so difficult. For one, finding someone of my age group who is even a practicing Catholic, in my area, is difficult in and of itself (seriously, I can't even find any truely practicing Catholic friends in my city, let alone a spouse). But also...I have to worry about being a good provider, as even if I do get lucky and meet a traditional catholic woman, most would want a husband who would be a good provider for them.

[@patty378]

You will become a good provider over time. Of course there are signs that a woman looks for -- willingness to work hard and to trust in God and developing a sense of what he wants to do/how to provide etc. Mostly women are looking for someone who will care for them and commit to them (and of course who there is holy connection with) in good times and bad. The standards are not as high as they are in your head. My husband and I met 8 years ago, converts and thinking we were "good" faithful people when we got married, but didn't realize that the sacramental grace, the trials in marriage, the vocation itself (loving each other is not easy when you have life responsibilities and duties), and of course cute babies(!) are what make you into a good provider and hopefully helps you fulfill the call to holiness, to be a saint! Prayers for you.

[@MM22272]

That's really true: young traditional practicing Catholic women are scarce (here I mean non-feminist who are ready to forgo their would-be careers for a career in motherhood), but you only need one. Try the Latin mass community which may help. Agreed: you need to house your would-be family which isn't easy if you're not generating the required income. Alternately, you could choose to suffer the humiliation and limitation of sheltering them in an apartment if you can't afford an apartment. One other thing: Look to St. Joseph who trusted in God than himself to provide for the Holy Family. In any case, it's tough. Today's society is engineered so that both spouses must work to survive (unless the man is earning an exceptionally high income) and perhaps afford one or two children and otherwise use contraception, abortion in case of unintended pregnancies, or possibly NFP. A dog may also be affordable. Here again is where trust in God to provide and being able to bear raising a family with a typically modest income.

[@catholicfemininity2126]

I notice that men who are attractive and can provide, but also approach women they are interested in, have the most success.... and women who are thin, young, and extroverted get men the most. Anyone that doesn't fit this mold will have it hard. I am trying to lose weight and become better internally, but I think me being chubbier than most women is making it hard for me to meet someone that I want.

[@OrthoLou]

@@catholicfemininity2126 personally, I prefer slightly thicker women. Nothing bordering on obesity, but I definitely don't care for really skinny women. I know there are plenty of other men out there who have the same taste. Also, extroverted women tend to attract men whose intentions....aren't what you're looking for. I feel like most truely practicing Christian men would be drawn to a more humble and reserved woman.

[@hankventurez]

Bro same boat. Some of the “trad” women can be pretty toxic too.

[@mhodkinson]

When I was single the 2 books that helped me to be positive and prepare for marriage. “Men, Women and Mystery of Love” by Dr Edward Sri and “ Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide for the Single Years” by Emily Stimpson. And there was a lovely lady who gave me a great advice that if someone shows interest to give him a chance to get to know him although he is not my type in first look. I did that. Then attraction eventually comes when you get to know the person’s character and virtues. Emily Wilson who is active on KZbin ministry for singles also advice that

[@NoName-zb1gm]

I hope my friend from Church reads your second book recommendation. I think we might be a compatible couple but I think she's looking for a spark from a younger man not a nice guy her age. For some reason I still have faith she might come around.

[@mhodkinson]

@@NoName-zb1gm pray about it. I believe that God is author of love. Sometime a person needs time to discern then decide who to love 🙏🏽

[@juanpablobasualdo8186]

Men, women, and the Mystery of Love is such a beautiful book! Praise God for Love and Responsibility and for JP II and Dr. Edward Sri!

[@Jules7777]

A longer video would be great, I thought all your points were on point. And I hope if you have more to talk about on this issue then make a part 2 in the next couple of months? Or next year. Gpd Bless Brian, your videos help a lot of people!

[@soni88eliza]

I honestly saw the title and cringed a little, thinking it would be similar to the things you mentioned seeing on Reddit. But it’s so refreshing to see someone talk honestly and be real about things! Please talk about this more; we need the correction, the honesty and for someone to express what single YA/ YAs in general have been experiencing in the church.

[@guesswho22peekaboo]

9:20 I'm probably approaching it with the wrong attitude, and I'm not sure how tonchange that. I pray everyday as a part of my rosary intentions "Mold me to be more like Christ..." and "Mold me into a man worthy of a woman who models herself after Mary." Granted, I've only been doing this a little over a month (I came back to the Church almost 2 months ago). I'm just hoping God answers my prayers with a yes.

[@commscompany1502]

You need to do a series on this. Men especially need to hear from other men. Thanks

[@MrPastaTube1]

Thank you, Brian. This was very insightful. It is hard to find a good spouse, but it is also hard to be a good spouse to be found.

[@sarathomas8499]

As a single girl in uni, in a small town (just moved here a few months ago from Texas), a SMALL church....like SMALL, there was a Catholic club as my college but I guess that was discountinued, they have a lot of Protestant groups which are thriving but my dad doesn't want me to join those, and I just don't feel like I'll find anyone. :( ... Well, in middle school and high school I knew these 3 guys (still follow them on Instagram and if they saw me on the street they'd probably say hi - as my dad who's a deacon taught my whole class in middle school for YEARS and they would say how of it wasn't for my father they would all be lost). I haven't found guys like those 3 since. One of them is already dating someone. One is playing soccer at a Catholic university...I have no clue if he's dating but he's not for me. I can tell but he is still extremely nice. Finally, the last one is in the navy and I have no clue if he's dating but funnily I think of him every so often. I'm majoring in aviation and he is also learning to fly planes and honestly I don't know but something always draws me to him. But dang it. He's in SC and I'm in Oklahoma lol. He texted me the other day for my dad's phone number to check if still was up to date (guess they still talk every so often) and I know it's about theology because when we lived in SC that's all they would talk about lol. *Sighs* I don't know. I'm lost. Any advice is helpful. I'm trying to leave it all to God but I'm just afraid I'll die old, wrinkly, and alone. Please pray for me 🙏♥️🙏

[@juliansoto2651]

There are people dying to know at least ONE good Catholic person in their circle. God is blessing you and you still worried? Please don't be like that. Trust Him. And take action.

[@DavidMatias79]

I've done so much growing in virtue. A lot of good it's done me ... All I've gotten is a lot of people who admire my virtues, but no one who loves me.

[@ravenclaw783]

It wasn't always like this. In the 60s there were a ton of social events for young Catholic singles like single mingles, dances, dinners, and other social events. These days, they have altogether disappeared and it's not because of the Church, it's because the secular culture has seduced young people away from the Church community. People stopped attending Church sanctioned social functions and went their own way. Catholic parents indulged their children with their own secular interests and now you have an entire generation who doesn't attend mass or even received baptism. There was a time when the only secular function of your life was going to work. After work, you were immersed within the Church community. Now it's only Mass.

[@1katy2]

I Hear this book is really good, "Single for a Greater Purpose: A Hidden Joy in the Catholic Church. "

[@chrisperez1685]

Saw you on pints with Aquinas and was subscribed but never checked out any of your videos yet. This was dope. Appreciate it brother.

[@TheWiery322]

Im 24m. I make 60ish k a year. I have a 140ish IQ. Multiple high quality hobbies, a good group of friends and solid foundation in my faith. And yet, i feel invisible and extremely alone. And i have for years. Im sick of feeling this way.

[@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese]

Maybe because you brag about everything

[@elijahn3725]

i love this man. he just knows what to say every time

[@zyuh64]

Personally its been really hard to connect w people and even if I get into a relationship it falls apart. When he said to be less selfish and to see how you can live your life for others, that did it for me. To learn to be there for other people. Thank you for this

[@davidcole333]

It's hard to tell in church sometimes who is single and who isn't. It can be daunting to take the chance if you're interested in someone but not sure.

[@elar5937]

Good thing you can just ask lol

[@garrettstephens91]

​@@elar5937And people will often think you're creepy if you outright ask them if they're single.

[@18Tonks]

This was really good, Brian! Thank you!

[@ralphamendola9324]

Great topic and good talk, Brian! BUT, you know you're going to have to do a part 2.

[@Reonsi]

A really good advice on being already married in the sense of living for others.

[@tastylicks3739]

At age 30, I feel like the church has turned it back on single adults.

[@patricialopez5358]

Thank you so much for your video creation. All that you say is a very good summary of all that I have learned about chastity and the fight against selfishness in singlehood. God bless you.

[@larrymelman]

"Attending to the young people's needs" does not mean throwing them in a room and locking the door so they can figure things out. Most young adult groups fail for exactly that reason. Parishes need to start having all-inclusive social events again. Our old "parish social networks" are dead. Adults, when was the last time you gave a helpful suggestion to a young person toward another? "You know Jimmy, our neighbor's co-worker has a Catholic daughter that I think you would like. They live 2 towns over. Would you like her number?"

[@jasonh.8754]

the last time I checked, the Catholic Church was run by unmarried men who have never been on a date. It's up to Catholics themselves to take the initiative and form groups or networks to encourage couples to meet and go on dates.

[@larrymelman]

@@jasonh.8754 Yes, you are right. When parishes were socially functional, it was the members of the parish who did the work of organizing events and volunteering to make them happen. But all the old groups or networks are gone. The Catholic Church is going the way of the Elks Club and the Rotarians.

[@jasonh.8754]

@@larrymelman maybe time is up for the Catholic Church? How you can have a religion run by celibate men who think they know everything is beyond me, it's time to move with the times.

[@calvinholt5630]

We have a fantastic young adults community where I am. Unfortunately what I've seen is that men in the group really struggle to simply talk to girls and then ask them out on dates.

[@bobcobb158]

This seems very common. Gen Z men and women are like alien species to eachother. There is a growing divide between the sexes that seems to be getting wider by the day. Not sure how it got to this point.

[@wegil606]

Great advice. I have just finished 8 month relationship, because of my selfishness which I developed through all of my years being alone nad addicted to entertaining myself. Now I am alone nad miserable again.

[@erinmichele613]

Focus on your relationship with God. Meditating on his love for us sinners can heal any misery. Work on your selfishness and he will provide.

[@SMRogers]

I think you need to become the person you want to find: know your values, practice your faith, be intentional about being virtuous and be a person of service. The preceding describes the man I am with and it was where I had finally evolved. He is a regular attender with me at mass and isn’t even a believer let alone a Catholic but because it is important to me it is important to him and visa versa for me. It is al out there for you if you are looking through the lens of finding a match in values before anything else. He and I have been so good for each other and that makes conflicts much deeper and far more important to respectfully resolve. Bless all of you and I sure wish you all the best on your journey.

[@robp1000]

This is one of my favorite videos you’ve made.

[@marw884]

Thank you so much, didn't know how much I needed this message. God bless you!

[@JohnBoyleJCL]

Excellent. I’ll use this with my young people. I have found that sometimes men feel threatened by women who want to go for commitment before they are ready. It goes both ways.

[@Ezekiel336-16]

If either sex isn't ready for a commitment then they shouldn't be making their life or the other's harder by dating when they're not ready. If you aren't ready to commit then don't date! In Christ, Andrew

[@RedactedBrainwaves]

@@Ezekiel336-16 I think he means, they push for marriage commitments on like their first couple of dates, which is a lot of pressure.

[@Ezekiel336-16]

@@RedactedBrainwaves He very well may be, but I wanted to get it out there (as Brian did in a different way) that we shouldn't really be dating unless our sights are set on marriage. Given that, it's also important to find that out quickly, even if it's the first date, because it's unwise to run the risk of developing an emotional attachment to someone who's not seeking the same. In Christ, Andrew

[@Athmoneus]

Ready to commit has two different meanings: (a) Ready to commit to marriage in general; and (b) Ready to commit to a particular individual. I totally agree that people who don't have the first one should not be dating, as they complicate everyone's lives. However, the second part is trickier. Things don't always work perfectly in that respect, and one party may need more time than the other to become ready for commitment to the particular individual. Here pressure is not a good strategy for the "ready" party. But the "not-ready" party, too, needs to understand the expectations of the "ready" party. Prudence and compassion from both are of the essence here.

[@garrettstephens91]

Well too be fair, the ONLY reason to date is to find a spouse, so in going into dating, both people need to be ready for comittment. If you're not ready to get married, don't date.

[@Neb-ie5mj]

Please pray for us single folks!

[@matthewvelazquez2013]

Excellent framing Mr. Holdsworth.

[@solivague4709]

I agree 100% with what was said, Bryan. Especially the idea of inner locus of control vs. external locus of control. I think one massive problem with young Catholics is confusion around what the word ‘discernment’ really means. It’s more often used by the rejectee as a way to soften the blow of rejection by saying, “I’ve been trying to discern in prayer whether this will work out, and I just have not received a strong conviction that it will. So therefore, I don’t think we should continue pursuing this.” While it is a great thing to actively discern a relationship through prayer, it’s often used as a way to externalize the responsibility that is placed on our actions. Basically it gives the message, “I really like you so I sent your application off to God, however heaven’s HR didn’t send it back with a letter of acceptance along with a full-ride scholarship and confetti poppers, so I’m gonna have to say no. Sorry, but it’s out of my control.” Stop this mentality right now. Take ownership for your emotions and desires in a spouse. If you feel something is not going to work out, it is because God granted you free will, through which you came to the realization that the relationship will not work out. God is not going to imbue you with a fiery passion the moment you lock eyes with the perfect spouse molded just for you, because he respects your free will and wants (more than anything) for you to exercise it responsibly. And, you can show this respect back to Him by not denying this gift. Rejecting somebody sucks, sometimes just as much as being rejected. But to put the burden of responsibility entirely on God is a direct denial of His will. If He wanted to do it Himself, He would have. However, He decided to place none other than the beautiful you in this moment. Lean on grace, but walk on your own feet.

[@addtothebeauty]

What an excellent comment. Thank you for this.

[@aileenbordelon7884]

Best advice I’ve heard regarding this topic and I think most of what you said is something single Catholics discerning for marriage need to hear. I know you said things I needed to hear so thank you for that! BTW I love looking at the comments on these types of videos because they’re usually filled with people complaining about being single lol! Umm, the person who commented is also a dissatisfied single person 😂 Maybe you two should talk?? 😂😂😂 lol

[@everetunknown5890]

Whatever the Lord does not give me in this life I trust him to give me in the life to come. "No good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly." -Psalm 84:11

[@Arckaro]

Thanks, I think this is a great video. You are right in what we should strive forward. I can only say, these words spoke to my heart, because I'm so lost, and lately I feel I won't be able to live in virtue, and have the temptation to give up, I don't know anything any more, but you are right

[@MM22272]

What other choice do you have but to keep trying. Some struggle for their entire lives to live in virtue while others overcome their vices sooner. Persevere and keep trying. If you really struggle, spend time before the Blessed Sacrament, sever (as in radically cut off) the occasion of sin, do something wholesome that gives you joy, find good company, and trust in God to help you overcome temptations. You can even view your unavoidable temptations as blessings insofar as they are opportunities for you to depend on God than yourself. When you remember that you're not alone and bring God into your life moment by moment, then you realise that together you can ditch sin, but you must be tough like a boxer, especially with bad habits. Don't forget to fast and pray which opens the heart to more graces. Plus, be a frequent flyer to confession.

[@Arckaro]

@@MM22272 thanks, God bless you dearly, all of this, is great advice,

[@MM22272]

@@Arckaro no problem, brother! Another tip that helped me: on one hand, completely surrender, consecrate, and cleave to God like a parachute. On the other hand, don't wait for God to do the work that He entrusts to do. In His holy name, He authorises and empowers you to evict evil from your life and send the devils back home where they belong, namely Hell. It's no different than slamming the door shut and locking it against some burglars. That part is up to you. Quit letting them in, since you're in charge of your own boundaries. Blessings on you with holy power, courage, and unparalleled zeal!

[@Arckaro]

@@MM22272 thanks again, I'll keep on trying the good fight

[@MrSottobanco]

Gratefully, FOCUS exists.

[@NoName-zb1gm]

I saw a woman on a dating site that goes to my Church. I send her a message and wanted to at least get to know each other and be friends and see what happens. Basically she wanted no parts of me not because we're not compatible but because she was not thinking as a Catholic but as a person looking for perfection. It always leaves a hole in my heart when I see her at Church (esp often in a short period of time like Holy Week) and she's still alone and I wonder why she wouldn't give it a chance.

[@watitduful]

Or maybe she’s just not into you 🤦

[@NoName-zb1gm]

@@watitduful Well a Catholic person should open their mind if another Catholic person is interested. That's the point of being friends first to see if there's compatibility and attraction. It doesn't always happen at first sight. I'm not interested in your lukewarm Catholicism. That's why the world is so screwed up.

[@AlexanderTheFarmer]

She wants Giga Chad

[@FortisEquus]

I had a Catholic girl sit down with me, open her dating app, and one by one go through the "ugly" guys that had messaged her, making excuses as to why she wouldn't respond, critiquing their facial features, even stating there was "evil behind those eyes" simply because they looked average. That was their unforgivable sin - being born with average looks. Social media has rotted their brains. Ideally, you should look for a woman who doesn't use it.

[@emagenie]

This is the single best video I have watched on this topic ! Thank you Brian!

[@candacethorbourne3424]

Thank you for sharing your take on things. The music was pretty.

[@jessica3285]

I didn't want this video to end 💗👌

[@JakeHGuy]

Fire video Mr. Holdsworth.

[@thetraditionalthomist]

Great video Mr. Holdsworth!

[@joewoodard40]

Excellent... Precisely right.... Especially the need for simply places to meet... I've seen a non-threatening meeting place generate a dozen marriages... But young people need a meeting place

[@DrewMureiko]

Hey Brian, I’m a guy whose gone through four separate serious relationships (and by the way there was never any engagement in the baby making act in any of those relationships). I’ve given each one my best, with a ton of mental, emotional and financial (wining and dining etc.) effort in all. In two I was engaged, and one almost engaged…the other one was online and when I met her after 8 months of talking I found out a few days later she was not the one. Each one ended in a crash and burn because of something I didn’t know about the person and that was unresolvable. Frankly put My heart is hardened towards another relationship. I’m just sick of it all and I’m 28 and have hit the stage of old dog that is both set in his ways and not able to learn a new trick. Wanna make a comment on that?

[@Ezekiel336-16]

My comment brother, as someone who is 20 years older and never been married (and only two real relationships in the past 15 years since I completely surrendered to the Lord - put Him first, last, and always) is that the women of faith that I meet and have been with do not seem to have a firm grasp on being a disciple. They love that quality and commitment in me towards the Lord and others, but when it inevitably comes to encouraging them to live up to that calling in one or more areas that get fleshed out then they recoil and/or run from the relationship. In addition, they have no problem encouraging me in my own areas, but then don't attempt to live up to that standard for themselves. Are they more vulnerable and insecure like Brian mentioned? Only if they are not fully and firmly rooted in a saving relationship with the Lord that requires them to treat me or any male suitor with the same love from the Lord that they are supposed to seek and require from me or another. It's a double standard that is far too common, and that also has to do with the lie that pervades the Lord's church that men are supposed to die to themselves completely for a woman/wife! We are to die to our sins, so we don't bring their polluting influences into the relationship or marriage, but we are not supposed to die to every aspect and preference we have so the woman/wife can become self-centered and unreasonable. If we die to ourselves like the church and prevailing culture wrongly portray then we will eventually become bitter and ineffective in our identity with the Lord. So, the entire goal is to find a match with someone who is a compliment to your style and practice of being a disciple, and for you/us men to be the same with her/them. That requires humility, being honest abiut who we are, were, and are not (yet?) with the Lord, and them doing the same. Another great test is patience, or as Brian said how we handle tests and trials together as a couple together. Quitters and runners are all too common today. When the Lord places you with someone who has the right compliment of attributes to yours, then hold on and never let go. At 48, I still haven't found that yet and may never, but I'd rather be alone with the Lord as a disciple for the right reasons then with someone outside of discipleship for the wrong ones. The ability for each person to accept and respond well to meaningful correction is tremendously important as well! In Christ, Andrew

[@alexrae20]

I’m 32 and I know a little bit about what you are going through. Though I’ve never been engaged or close to it, I have had relationships where it has left my heart hardened too. It’s difficult for sure but, I try to offer that suffering up and try to take a lesson out of each relationship so that I can grow. I’m sorry you had to endure all of that. I will say a prayer for you!

[@xoxobabyimbackxoxo]

The Lord calls us not to harden our hearts, but to make them flesh. If you find it hard to do it, look at the Lord. He is constantly being hurt by us, the righteous man sins 7 times a day, and yet Jesus opens His heart again and again and again. Vulnerable to love and to hurt. You never know, the next woman may be the one! If you are Catholic, do the 52 day rosary novena, Jackie Angel (on ascension presents) attests to it & how it helped her find her spouse!

[@leekshikapinnamneni4835]

What exactly are you looking for? I’m about to turn 28 next month. I haven’t gone through the same experiences that you have but I’ve had some disappointments with relationships myself. Thankfully I figured out that the people I was seeing were good guys but they just weren’t the right fit for me and fortunately they just let me know a couple of months in so that I didn’t waste my time. I’m sure that Brian will answer this better but best way to look at it is that you don’t want to settle and you want to keep your standards high. never compromise because you believe that you’re too picky.

[@Ezekiel336-16]

@@leekshikapinnamneni4835 My only qualifier to what you wrote would be to make sure that we don't compromise on the essentials of our faith and our relationship with the Lord. Other things can be compromised on, but if that list is too long (and has nothing to do with faith and godly character) then we might be too picky and focusing on the wrong things. In Christ, Andrew

[@surprisedchar2458]

The simple answer to the question people ask about how far is too far is this: do you feel like temptation is now winning against you? Then it’s best to back off and just be honest about why. Being vigilant is the best course of action in avoiding sin. We all know our emotions can easily get the better of us. In order, then, to stand stronger against it we should be more focused on that side of ourselves. When we can see we’re moving towards a line, we should stop ourselves. And telling your boyfriend or girlfriend why will either be a good thing, or reveal a lot about their character.

[@DavidMatias79]

"Make yourself so marriable in God’s eyes that he can’t wait to set you up with someone." kinda makes it sound like the reason I'm not married is because I haven't made myself "marriable" enough ... I don't think that's the case. Then I'm thinking well how marriable do I have to be for God to set me up with someone? I've done so much and apparently it's still not enough. What more do I need to do? because I'll do that if it gets me married.

[@RoninCatholic]

Same. I prayed for a good job I could support a family with, and not ten minutes later got a job offer changing oil instead of baking pizzas for a 50% increase in hourly wages _and_ benefits. I've _been_ praying to get married for sixteen years, to be able to find the wife at all, to be a man who would be a good husband...and so far all I've found is misery and deceit. So I definitely know prayer works and I have to wonder what else is wrong. I've been struggling with pornography for literally the entire time I've been inclined to marriage (sex just wasn't something in the forefront of my mind as a teenager, so it wasn't until thoughts were _put into me_ by exposure to illicit materials online that I realized I was alone), and made very serious efforts to kick the addiction as of about a year and a half ago. It didn't help any that the kinds of people I wound up dating would fairly consistently encourage me to get _deeper_ into pornography than I had been when I found them. I'm far from unique in struggling with this...

[@CloneDrummer]

I will say as a Catholic single man over the age of 40 now, dating is nearly impossible. I've been down the horrible roads with protestants, thiests, Catholic women in name only, and women with no faith at all (stupidly on my part with every one of them, mind you) and none could really understand why my faith was so important to me. At this age, it's nearly impossible to find women in a reasonable age range who are practicing Catholics in the dating scene. Personally, it feels like that ship has sailed, but I do pray daily for God's intercession. After all, it's His will and plan. With that said, great video as always Brian!

[@timothy8142]

I’m 33 and never been married. Every girl I met or dated was a non-believer, or a “do what I want” Christian. Every single one of them is now a single mother or divorced. People have many underlying issues, depression being one of the main ones I run into. I know for a fact a couple of the girls sought help because they told me so. I don’t know how much time is left. Being 33, establish a friendship/courtship with a woman, that could be another 2 years. I’d be at least 35. I guess that’s where my faith is: God can move you decades within weeks.

[@eguogwuhenrietta9713]

What is your status now, after one year.. Are you still single?

[@CloneDrummer]

@@eguogwuhenrietta9713 status remains unchanged.

[@eguogwuhenrietta9713]

I am a single 28year old catholic lady, and I must tell you I feel betrayed by the church, it places such high value on married and religious, rightfully so but makes the single feel like we don't exist. It sad, many good catholic young women find it difficult to meet catholic men and the church is doing nothing really to help. I love my faith so much and will not trade it for anything in the world, it's been a journey for me, and many temptation to marry outside the church has come my way but I refused because I could never jeopardise my eternal salvation and that of my offspring on the platter of marriage that ends in this world. I do hope that God sees my heart and my love for him and his church and bless me with a Catholic husband that loves him and his church.

[@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese]

A lot of catholic men feel the same way you do

[@douglasstreeks5599]

Brian, what would be your advice for people getting married in middle age, especially for those who are well beyond child-bearing age?

[@maxmontes4449]

As a young Catholic adult in a dominantly Protestant university, I not just mad at myself. I feel disappointed and jealous of my Protestant friends and their relationships. They have so much going for themselves, yet I feel left in the dust with no room on improving myself and my relationships that I have made with Protestants. There was a Catholic club, but it is slowly diminishing. So, I asking for help. How can I bring back more Catholic resources to a university that has a small percentage of Catholic students and to help build relationships with one another? A workshop could help, but I do not have the resources for it.

[@dianagentile7636]

Thank You 🙏🏽 Brian Awesome topic!!! I’ve been Single & Celibate over 18 Yrs Yes I’m Catholic Unable 2 attend Mass because I don’t have a vehicle!!! I am a Prayer warrior I checked Amazon 4 Ur book 📕 but was Unable 2 locate it 🤦🏾‍♀️ Can u please provide a link? Thank You 🙏🏽 In Advance I feel Intimacy is 4 Marriage What I’ve learned I’ve Learned on my own‼️ Stay Blessed Always & Have A Wonderful Weekend!!! Smile 😊 🙏🏽🙏🏼🙏🏽❤️❤️❤️‼️

[@personanongrata7976]

The "saddest part in all of this" is that it's being done deliberately

[@PatrickSteil]

Totally want to help my parish with this. It is an awesome University Parish with a wonderful faithful Traditional Priest. He is doing wonders to attract young men and woman to religious life but I think we should also encourage the marital life. I wonder what type of interest in campus there would be for “classes” like Dating 101 Marriage 101 How to get Married How to find your perfect spouse How to become a perfect spouse I would think lots of these college kids would be attracted to this and of the event could be both meaningful information but more importantly a way for them to meet other students for dating. If you have a heart for this please help start such a program at your parish!

[@JJ-cw3nf]

Seriously. Catholics need babies. Stop prioritizing careers. You grow financially as a couple better than solo

[@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese]

Tell that to all the fucking women out there who are so fucking picky and only wanting men way out of their league

[@IvicaBitless]

Omg this is some amazing advice, ty you for uploading this and thank God I came cross this.

[@timrichardson4018]

On the point about lack of young adult outreach, I say this as a protestant currently attending RCIA and seriously discerning becoming Catholic, I can say that protestant churches tend to do a much better job at this. Many of them understood decades ago that making a space where youth and young adults can thrive spiritually (which doesn't take much as you said) is essential to keeping them plugged into the church and reducing the chance of them falling away. That said, there are certainly those that bend to the culture in order to do this. It's not good or right to water down the faith for the sake of boosting numbers. But most young people who at all value their faith and are looking for reasons to stay don't want to be condescended to anyway.

[@thatsfunny2051]

I'm a single Catholic woman aged 33, and I feel pretty cut adrift. I'm too old for the "young adults", too young for the retirees, and obviously not going to attend Catholic couples and family stuff