brooklyn nine-nine insults that get me every single time | Comedy Bites

"No, I'm calling you a goat, you goat."
Here's some of our absolute favourite insults from the cast of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, including (OF COURSE) every time Captain Holt (Andre Braugher) roasts Wuntch's funeral, the best of Wuntch's funeral, Jake VS Amy and more!
From Brooklyn Nine-Nine, the NBC series revolving around Jake Peralta (Andy Samberg), a New York City Police Department (NYPD) detective in Brooklyn's fictional 99th Precinct, who often comes into conflict with his commanding officer, the serious and stern Captain Raymond Holt (Andre Braugher). The series also stars Terry Crews as Sargeant Terry Jeffords, Melissa Fumero as Amy Santiago, Stephanie Beatriz as Rosa Diaz, Chelsea Peretti as Gina Linetti and Joe Lo Truglio as Charles Boyle.
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[@maxfieldjoyner5244]

“We’re doomed! Boyle looks like a lesbian!” I died, that line just killed me.

[@marcusdevonish5097]

Was eating pasta and almost chocked

[@castielwinchester2748]

I fucking cackleddd

[@dori4490]

“and yet crime has continued” i love captain holt… funniest character ever ❤

[@MegaRenegade1000]

That would have melted me😅😅😅

[@estott3647]

That one stung a bit.

[@rrahmanov]

One of the best lines in the show. It is simple yet genius.

[@gordonwalden5961]

Like what do you say to that?? It's crazy bc Jeffords callously pays it forwards and then tells Jake the reason why he doesn't have an arch nemesis...

[@trainman5675]

May he rest in peace

[@whatwelearned]

Maybe I don't have a nemesis because I solve all my crimes... ...that's a pretty f**ked up thing to say to me

[@maxias5]

i love the facial expression terry makes when it switches back to him again. had me laughing for like 5 straight minutes first time i saw it lmao

[@gordonwalden5961]

Ouch

[@luisaelynchavarriaborja1323]

I like how everybody went silent after that and pointedly ignored Jake while he processed what Terry had said. I mean...look at Scully! And Charle's expression! It's just gold.

[@gordonwalden5961]

@@luisaelynchavarriaborja1323 Amy too 😂🤣

[@rickmassimo6192]

@@luisaelynchavarriaborja1323 The Boyle coffee sip ... 💀

[@CharliePetricor]

They didn’t add my favorite one: -“Hello Raymond” -“Madeline… I wondered why all the birds suddenly stopped singing”

[@disgruntledfox]

Mine is "Madeline, good to see you. But if you're here who's guarding HADES"

[@StephanieMelluish]

​@@disgruntledfox one of mine is when he references her cloven hooves and is like "no, I'm calling you a goat, you goat" 🤣

[@bmet102]

"You grackle!"

[@kha30s22]

Also "Madeline... I never thought I would see you this high without a broom under you" Also... "Boston? But it's so close to Salem. You know what they do to witches up there, don't you?"

[@cinny1313]

I love all the Holt Madeline ones

[@MrRykage]

"I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you" is the smartest, classiest insult I've ever heard

[@AJ-nn9bi]

“Madeline wunch is a Korean toilet ghost….BOOORRR-ING.”😂😂

[@originalswimcap]

We already knew that

[@rickmassimo6192]

"Uh, yes; I took a trip to Korea just to research a new Wuntsch insult. In fact, it's been a motivation for most of my international travel."

[@ProphetXm16]

What does that human blister want.

[@evanblake5252]

My personal favorite is "Oh Terry, zombies can't die"

[@randomgamerdude87]

Rosa laughing at Holt's insults always cracks me up

[@jmkwm]

“As God said to Wench when tried to sneak past the gates in heaven, it ain’t happening honey” 😂😂😂 she fully cackled on that one 😂 6:21

[@FaeriePuff]

The silence after Terry said “maybe it’s cuz I solve all my crimes” was so funny 😂

[@mmpproducts]

Most hilarious

[@jdogzerosilverblade299]

the fact that he had no comeback and had to take the time to think of one was great. also the fact that it was a lame one makes it better XD

[@BalkanBallMapping69]

"As god said when Wnutch tried to sneak past the gates of heaven, it aint happening honey" R.I.P Andre Braughner

[@bluecomet8416]

“Rosa’s the one wearing pink!” Me: That’s LITERALLY her name

[@brooklyna007]

Oh wow! I learned a little something today. Also, just another layer of this joke.

[@someney]

I don't get it

[@racheldaramola1690]

@@someneyRosa is pink in Spanish

[@BimpytheWimpyShrimpy]

​@@racheldaramola1690 Hell, almost _all_ European languages other than English, in fact

[@elijahharmel8450]

right but rosa is latina and stephanie is argentine so thats not really relevant at all esp bc thats a different continent lol@@BimpytheWimpyShrimpy

[@paulipe1640]

“As Wunch says when she sees deodorant, ‘I’m not buying that’”😂😂😂

[@jmkwm]

I think my favorite is Gina “googling” the Albanian president and saying “hmmmm it just says that no one likes you” 😂😂😂😂

[@droplight955]

holt's insults are simple but DEMOLISHING

[@m.t.v.5639]

no playtime,just goes straight for the jugular..

[@polkadots24]

Holt and Wuntch’s rival was the best ♥️ no better pair of enemies than those two

[@mooseinthefrontyard]

Naming the pigeon mascot scene gets me every time

[@spectated8159]

"Why, because her heart was made of onions?" Such an underrated insult

[@Whackfear]

It *always* kills me when media pulls the "insult bleep for a ridiculously long time" gag. Especially coming from Amy, with Rosa looking horrified as it goes on and on. Hilarious.

[@diveinnjim]

captain once said of Madeline "if she's here, who's guarding Hades??" 😂😂😂

[@evanblake5252]

I think "You are a stone cold atrocity" is my favorite insult of them all. It's absolutely perfect, down to the delivery and everything.

[@ArchanaSingh-bq9gf]

5:30 you know it's bad when rosa looks scared

[@eddytheinsane5738]

I wonder what they were saying?

[@Shriya.G-lb4hp]

I like the fact that Captain Holt can be robotic and dramatic in equal amounts,made the show even more entertaining....

[@evelinarichter2710]

“didn’t see you there, madeline. I thought you were an old leather chair.” 💀😭

[@kingstonhughes2118]

7:29 😂 "he’s not gonna say that" "He might"

[@PercyPlays73]

2:58 Terry Crew's delivery was so fucking good😂😂

[@Jay-my2sd]

1:20 “you are a stone cold atrocity” - i gotta write this down

[@StephanieMelluish]

Yes! That and "your entire life is garbage" 🤣

[@TheGryfonclaw]

“And this is my parter, Detective TerribleDetective” 😂

[@tones8675]

“oh you’re vomiting-“ I DIE EVERY TIME

[@JoeyP946]

Holt's insults for Wunch are so amazing.

[@shadowmane55]

R.I.P Andre. Holt was the funniest thing about this video.

[@evanblake5252]

Best character in the show.

[@GVFletcher]

It's the summer of love baby Terry: it's March, shut up man Gets me everytime 😂😂😂😂😂

[@GemmaTrellis]

Rosa laughing at Holt’s insults makes them even funnier haha

[@kingfunny5016]

Holt: Madeline Wuntch was… a friend. Rosa: See, wasn’t so hard- oh you’re vomiting.

[@justinbarnes9911]

Like Marta from Knives Out. Can’t lie without puking

[@bricegriffin5530]

7:05 Holt yelling at Scully and he's just oblivious 😂

[@dannystarkridesfixed]

I love when terry comes in and holt says boring haha. So good.

[@CollinMcLean]

“maybe I don’t have an arch nemesis because I solve all my crimes…” Dang! Change Terry’s name to Wario because Jake just got beat!

[@SunnyBurnsAll]

And yet crime has continued...

[@epingchris]

No! Wario cheats!

[@thejordanchronicles6715]

‘It’s like… what’s that guy thinkin?’ 🤣🤣

[@zizouwowist1641]

ma guy let his heart out yet he didn't get it,

[@globbyakaweirdjellyguy954]

Rosa’s face as Amy curses Hitchcock and Scully out followed by Hitchcock’s comeback is hilarious!🤣🤣🤣 Also, I love how much Rosa got into Holt’s insults towards Wuntch.😊🤣

[@Spartan_II_117]

Terry & Charles reaction to Hitchcock's "Badge before Va-" 😂😂😂 Man this line came out of nowhere!!!

[@mimcduffee86]

The Holt-Wunch rivalry is one of the best and most savage ones ever created for TV.

[@nicktroisi6347]

5:22 😂😂😂😂 Captain Holt had the best insults. RIP Andre, always

[@Neefew]

For those wondering, the answer to the anagram is Dangerous Liaisons

[@StephanieMelluish]

Thank you!

[@ananyaghosh6337]

Thanks a lot!

[@Mary-uq4ww]

- ugh what does that human blister want now? - oh my god we’re doomed! Boyle looks like a lesbian! I love Holt so much

[@ace-tris]

6:52 I just love the ‘Amy.. 😢’

[@francesmaxineoliveros]

3:26 Terry's response made me gasp so hard 😂

[@smashley4661]

5:31 Rosa being shocked by Amy swearing up something fierce! 😂

[@tmbsilver1313]

Holt and Diaz are the underrated pairing of this show.

[@davesprivatelounge]

6:24 lmao, that laugh

[@amvperson]

0:48 This is the best one trust me! 😂

[@MaziAkinola]

Holt insults you with a straight face. He is really the best

[@kathryniredale6152]

'You are a stone cold atrocity' lives in my mind rent free

[@helpmeh1221]

4:37 that eye roll was 100% not scripted

[@jibran_r7]

"YOU ARE THE CUCK"

[@lorettasimeon4350]

"It just says no one likes you" 😂😂😂 That part always gets me because Amy looks so invested in the answer

[@Sabs215]

4:27 Rosa that wasn't an insult that was a murder 😂

[@rohangangan8327]

4.54 Gina's jokes about Amy are funny as hell 😂😂

[@touremuhammad5983]

4:54 Ur Welcome 😉

[@beegbeeg9871]

6:21 Replay button here lol

[@morghenjarrell]

0:57 Rosa's laugh is great

[@veedubgeezer]

"summer of love baby" gets me every time

[@rashmiparbagga351]

It's march😂😂😂

[@CanaldoPortador]

6:42 yk what could've happened? The trash bin being in the back and the recycler in the front, Holt would still puke at the non recyclable and we all know that

[@samedmundson6470]

"the Korean toilet ghost" made me spit take

[@lauradick4046]

2:08 Rosa's slight amusement gets me everytime

[@rouxpower9215]

She's like mildly flabbergasted it's so perfect

[@beezus55]

Yes!!!!

[@MrWeizhi926]

I know she was definitely trying so hard not to break character 😂😂

[@wayln2591]

Which episode is that

[@-Chicken_]

7:37 Why do I always find this so funny 😂

[@emm7740]

"its march man, shutup" this show literally gave me my humour LMAAOO

[@leprechaunluck24]

Rosa loving Holts burns of Wunch is awesome

[@laudonjusah2393]

maybe I don't have an arch nemesis because I solve all my crimes" that one stung😂

[@TheDualHero15]

Colt yelling at Scully is one of my favorites

[@MrSpannners]

I love Stephanie's face as she tries not to laugh at the tie mime 😂

[@rashmiparbagga351]

4:33 the way Jake looks at Amy❤❤

[@lenniebrown5961]

I love the part where says Madeline looks like an old leather chair and then when I moves on the a cut scene unexpectedly he says it again 😂😂

[@captaindeadpool7268]

5:26 haha the best 👌 one

[@anthonyaugustine6127]

I like to think Rosa looks over at Jake when he bets Holt the 6 grand because she knows perfectly well that he doesn't have it

[@scottgammon247]

Holt's "Amy!" after she said "stop being such a moron, you idiot!" just kills me 😂

[@Bobbymaccys]

“Badge before va-“ 😂😂

[@CynthiaAponte-bc8vu]

I love Holt’s Munch jokes. 😂kills me every time

[@spritesodacans6418]

“i’ve never seen you this high without a broom under you” -holt 😭😭

[@rawls101]

"And this is my partner, Detective Terrible Detective." 😂🤣

[@TheMsharrypotter12]

“GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER OR SO HELP ME GOD YOU WONT LIIVE TO SEE RETIREMENT!! “…. “its like, what is that guy thinking “ 😂😂😂😂

[@ArchanaSingh-bq9gf]

3:20 the visual representation of mentaly hurt

[@gaysh1t]

Captain Holt and Rosa are the best duo, you can't tell me otherwise like 6:00 to 6:41, was just them insulting wunch and its the best part of the whole video

[@ruthtale95]

Rosa: because we'll turn to stone? Holt: because her eyes are ugly. The closest Holt's ever gotten to defending her from insults.

[@Jonelle2083]

The korean toilet ghost will forever be HILARIOUS 😅

[@beatricenesto7310]

I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@ritacal557]

Korean toilet ghost gets me every single time. 😂

[@dom3267]

3:20 got me lol

[@joshie_pb]

Hitchcocks Enunciation in the Bs make me replay the second clip over and over

[@badrulenaqib6984]

I love when rossa laugh to captain dad roasting🤣

[@NeddyMontz]

1:49 “You’re just plain boring.” 😂 4:29 “Your entire life is garbage.” 😂😂

[@JackPavarotti]

I am here for the old leather chair! and of course the moment Terry told Jake that he solves all his crimes. Amy's face said it all 🤣🤣🤣

[@parinikasharma317]

3:29 Ooof Terry you didn't have to do your 4th kid like that!

[@The_Spartan_Legend]

3:26 - THE LOOK ON PERALTA'S FACE aaaaaaahahahahahahaha! 🤣🤣🤣

[@SallyBMcgill]

I'm glad Boyle isn't the lone comic relief. Everyone gets made fun of, and it's all in good fun

[@yomanrich3]

4:27 Rosa’s voice there throws me off

[@Zoes_archive]

Amy and Rosa's friendship is the best dynamic EVER

[@MJAYZ007]

I live for Rosas reactions when Holt is insulting Wuntch and she feeds into it

[@KarimulAlam-dp3dt]

A wise captain once said "When wunch sees deodorant im not buying it" & "As god said when wunch tried sneaking into Heaven it aint happening" RIP Andre Braugher

[@eli2112]

Holt's insults to Wunch were always top tier! Smart, strong, specific and delivered perfectly

[@Ttoby89]

Gina's secretary of insults, and how she gets excited when she remembers in which particular way she wanted to insult Amy.... so good

[@YFCowPoke]

The way Rosa looks at Amy when shes screaming at Hitchcock.

[@jessicastrike5640]

Dangerous Liaisons if anyone wonders what the answer to Jake’s puzzle is

[@JamesDanielMowll]

5:22 Ok That was an actual threat 😂😂😂

[@thesegacampgamerandwerecam7504]

Terry: ok! they gotta knock that off! Scully: Loosen up Sargeant! Hitchcock: Summer of Love Baby! Terry: It's March Man! Shut Up! 😆😆😆😆😆

[@artistofcybertron]

Wish I could say Rosa s insult to every psychic and phone scammer.