Bruiser - Steve

Rob as the socially inept Steve in sketches from the short-lived, one-series-only sketch show 'Bruiser' (2000) starring Olivia Colman, Martin Freeman, Matt Holness, Charlotte Hudson, David Mitchell and Robert Webb.
Martin in those glasses is abso-bloody-lutely hilarious. And poor Olivia looks so put out. XDD
Clips are from episodes 2, 3, 4 and 5

[@way2tehdawn]

Feel like this guy is someone the writers knew.

[@sarcasmo57]

It was me.

[@olly311]

Everyone knows one

[@clunston]

Knew what ?

[@whysr876]

more likely it was the writers

[@Mybwain]

I doubt that person asked beforehand.

[@masterzz57]

When you have high charisma in fallout

[@ozm8642]

👌👌👌

[@Kryptnyt]

When you have 1 charisma and 100 speech in Fallout New Vegas

[@mrbiscuits915]

😂😂😂👍👍👍

[@steelpenfiddler5333]

When you have a high charisma and all the npcs have an intelligence of 1.

[@Ixarus6713]

Yes hello I'll have all of your clothes, caps and weapons for 0 caps please. Thank you, I'd like 500 more caps... +500 Caps, what about 1500 more caps?... +1500 Caps ...OK bye! Ah yes, the negotiator... Summoning caps out of thin air!

[@SilverSpade92]

0:35 'Of course you would, you're a mate.' Said with absolutely no emotion. Choice.

[@acotojest]

You can tell its year 2000 when mussels, steak, two creme brulle, board of cheese, few cappucinos and 3 bottles of Don Perignion cost £200

[@Bulskee]

Don P alone would cost over £200. Per bottle! 😂

[@user-gw5df2br5k]

And five lagers coming out to £11

[@jonathanwilson8951]

Minimum wage was £3.60

[@twoeggcups]

even then, 3 bottles of Dom would have been over £150 by themselves.

[@kunjalssj]

What do they cost now?

[@xergiok2322]

What I don't believe about this is that Steve "paid last time".

[@harrisonwade999]

My head canon is she misremembered who paid last time and Steve, without emotion or hesitation, went along with her paying again

[@PekaCheeki]

psychopath in a social setting is my favourite type of comedy

[@lenenlawless]

you're a psycho

[@paulfitzpatrick6290]

@@lenenlawless 😂

[@AlexFlockhart]

That's what I love about It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

[@johnb1150]

That's not a psychopath, that's a sociopath.

[@ham5487]

@@johnb1150 No he is definitely more of a psychopath than a sociopath. Sociopaths act rashly and impulsively whereas psychopaths are calculated and manipulative

[@Toffeehammer]

I remember when I used to have a friend like Steve. As in the kind of person who values straight-faced logic over any kind of social skills. It's a funny sight watching someone try to convince themselves and everyone around them that they're in fact not being an arsehole because their actions technically make perfect sense. Common decency be damned.

[@JA-ks1pc]

I'm pretty sure Steve (and maybe your friend too) knows he's as arsehole, he just thinks its okay as long as he can convince everybody he's not.

[@toolpot462]

He doesn't even necessarily need to do that. All he needs to do is convince people to bite their tongue.

[@emlmm88]

It's not logical though is the problem. People pay for the experience of being with their friends as well as giving them things. It's not out of flat generosity that people do things for their friends.

[@twinostrich8045]

arsenalfanrichi No. No it's not instinctive. Common sense, and common decency, has to be taught. We just absorb that teaching and understand it a lot better because we're sapient. We can comprehwnd why being an arsehole is detrimental to our own survival and advancement as a species. Other creatures don't think on that whole. It's just "Eat, make babies. Eat, make babies." But we, humans, have evolved to be able consider the entirety of our race. But it still has to be taught. Think about how little empathy a lot of kids have. We have to teach them to share and be nice. That's proof enough that consideration of others is not instinctive.

[@ArcaneKeeperD20]

Some people think themselves out of enjoying anything, I used to be that guy

[@rooty]

The quality and seriousness of Olivia Coleman and Martin Freeman's acting totally sell this.

[@doctorwhonews3047]

That's Robert Webb not Martin Freeman.

[@rooty]

@@doctorwhonews3047 Martin Freeman is the guy with Robert Webb in the last scene

[@TheRealPandaMan10]

“I’ll have the soup and change in cash, please” fucking hell im dying

[@littoww]

The way he said "yeah seriously though it's only a cake" really cracked me up haha

[@InvisiblerApple]

He's the Mycroft to the "Do you do poison?" guy's Sherlock.

[@kayteejay122]

AHAHAHAHAAAAASA

[@Heneggsboss]

Great comment

[@Joe898100]

2.20 for a pint? You'd be lucky..

[@shaneserfass5183]

+J Winder Well this was made in 2000-2001 so it is a little more believable but yeah the only time you're getting that is a Bud Light Special nowadays.

[@JackT13]

Those were the days

[@somerandomguy2073]

My local Wetherspoons sells pints of Carlsberg for £2.29. It tastes like piss, but it's still only £2.29.

[@lvl99paint]

Spoons is king for cheap brand alcohol. No shame in getting a few pints in at spoons and then going somewhere actually nice afterwards

[@Dream146]

£2.50 for the ales is most spoons I've been to, enjoy yourself.

[@lpsp442]

When Steve ran off all those ritzy menu items and the total came up to *merely £200*, I spat my drink out. The year 2000 was a different planet to today.

[@joestevenson5568]

A steak, a creme brulee and a cheese board is hardly ritzy.

[@richarddavies5674]

@@joestevenson5568 okay Mr moneybags

[@swordofdanu]

Yeah thats the crazy thing about time, stuff changes - _-

[@capslockcapable1719]

@@swordofdanu Don't mess me about now.

[@DMIwriter]

I feel like this is more of a commentary on the emphasis of false politeness and unobtrusiveness in British culture. People not telling Steve to piss off just because they're unable to get beyond the socially polite persona that they're being called out on.

[@lucasmroczynski5543]

UK has some of the worst socially inept people from what i have seen, i think i like russians better

[@alexhh880]

To be honest, you're seeing middle class Britain here. Working class people are much more fun.

[@lucasmroczynski5543]

@@alexhh880 yeah but when they get drunk they want to fucking stab you for nothing

[@randystabbage4821]

@Lucas Mroczynski You clearly don't have a clue

[@weebay6166]

antisocialite whats nearly

[@ericstaples7220]

As long as he wanted and he only took 2 years? What a twist ending!

[@coryhooper8895]

well, he obviously couldnt take too long, because sooner or later hed have to face consequences. similar to diner, he couldve tripled it but at that point it would have been an ended deal. he just makes sure he goes at just the right point, so he can do some crazy BS without having to answer for it

[@absolutenutter1007]

Eric Staples imagine more than 2 years doing fuck all

[@pineapplepenumbra]

@@absolutenutter1007 If you're geting paid for it, you could do another job that you actually enjoyed, but maybe didn't pay very much, then take a long and expensive holiday on the two salaries.

[@circle2867]

@@absolutenutter1007 plenty of people go their whole lives doing fuck all while on benefits

[@DeathnoteBB]

Circle 25 Benefits is a fraction of a full-time job’s salary

[@Slideslikebutter]

Jeeeesus, must be Mark and Jez in the Darty days

[@kevinkibble8342]

The El Dude brothers

[@PigMan161]

Richard Benn ehh ehhh

[@hellrazorhenry5489]

THERES NO MUFF LIKES TO PARTY......

[@pigknickers2975]

@@hellrazorhenry5489 LIKE THE MUFF IN DARTY!

[@Goose.Films.]

2000s Olivia Colman is just too cute tho

[@Drabee]

yip

[@thomasczthomash1859]

I'd smash the back doors off it

[@sigha2b2t]

Savage Bastard dark

[@ginger1531]

@@thomasczthomash1859I'm sure she'd be thrilled.

[@USER-G291]

Thomascz Thomash “it” 😂

[@i_am_humon9276]

“Yeah, it’s awful isn’t it. I’ll see you in about two years”

[@sophovot5079]

Lol they all just pay up love martin's face at the end

[@mixstardust429]

I think Steve is just a D&D character with a 20 in charisma

[@anthonybramante2921]

And with loaded dice

[@PointsofData]

And a player who doesn't give a shit about roleplaying

[@Destirian]

18 int, maybe 18 charisma but (if we’re going by 5e rules) expertise in deception, persuasion, and intimidation

[@wabbajack2]

@@Destirian This. 10 Cha, but munchkin'd feats and class features combos that allow him to ignore his actual Cha and spam his Int bonus instead.

[@Stuart267]

I actually had a friend exactly like Steve, he would come on nights out & have everyone else paying for his drinks, Even on my damned birthday I was paying for his drinks. Cut ties with him when he tried coming to a close friends wake with no money.

[@enricohocho]

dude don´t be so selfish

[@hardboiledfrog]

@@enricohocho hahahaha thanks for that laugh. I really did laugh when I read that :)

[@leepicgaymer5464]

@@hardboiledfrog I have seen so many commenters say funny things such as Eric, as this point they should be a stand up comedian.

[@jaypee9575]

Wait, what am I not getting here..? I'm either missing the joke or not familiar with a custom. Why would you need money to attend a close friends wake? I'm thinking there may be regional differences here.

[@Stuart267]

@@jaypee9575 We get drunk afterwards & had a bar that was his favourite that we would go to.

[@obviouslytwo4u]

Now the brexit negotiation is making sense.

[@korosuke1788]

When you have no social skills but you're good at math.

[@xergiok2322]

Steve has excellent social skills. He's very perceptive and knows exactly how other people feel. He just doesn't have a conscience.

[@tomlindsay2687]

S

[@michaelatias7021]

Steve is a bonafide sociopath.

[@owenthomas2147]

S

[@sbraypaynt]

I’m sorry how the fuck is 2.20 times 5 difficult maths

[@pcadamtaylor4262]

This kind of ‘character mindset’ is what goes on In some people’s mind but not as punctual and Visible in language form

[@stalinwasntarealcommunist83]

Well said.

[@thedivock9648]

Though you can't use your real name on KZbin if you're a copper

[@adeadfreelancer1846]

the best part is he only ate about half the cake, while the other half fell out of his mouth

[@cantaloupegodling352]

I like the escalation from getting £11 from his friend to taking 2 years off work because he had a report due.

[@notme1048]

He makes George Costanza look like a philanthropist

[@keegster7167]

George Constanza technically did become a philanthropist with the Susan Ross foundation

[@RabbitShirak]

@@keegster7167also when he made his the Human Fund-scam.

[@Shduebausb28]

That’s the cheapest bottle of Dom Perignon the world has ever seen.

[@catherines2544]

I bet he bought her a garden salad for their first meal

[@jaroslavb.korinek7285]

Scumbag Steve: British Edition

[@philiposborne982]

It's a bit laboured. But I guess it's relevant today even. Everyone knows someone that runs up the bill knowing other people will pay. Not my style. Bad for goodwill balance.

[@haveitboi999]

this is a very clever character

[@nithingr4359]

So . . . all assholes are clever, or is he's an asshole instead of being clever? 'Cus otherwise there's no correction, just a clever asshole. But if all assholes are clever, then why is asshole the more appropriate synonym.

[@joestevenson5568]

The character is clever, not his actions.

[@Iamnotabug]

Cleverly made character.

[@ryanblack3686]

@@nithingr4359 you treat things so two dimensionally. He can be clever and an asshole. Him being clever doesn't make all assholes clever. It also does not make every clever person an asshole.

[@xhawkenx633]

@@nithingr4359 he is manipulative and narcissistic. He is an asshole because his goals and motivations are damaging to his social enviorments and he doesn't care about that fact. He is clever because he knows how to archive his goals, at least in the short term. This shown by him manipulating the people around him into doing stuff they normally wouldn't do.

[@dodec8449]

This is how hedgefund managers and lawyers think.

[@abbafan50986]

£2.20 for a pint? Those were the days!

[@magnusbruce4051]

*Those are the days... if you drink in Wetherspoons and/or live somewhere with sensible prices.

[@yeahmang3519]

MagnusBruce and be around a just a bunch of student males and chavs...sounds great..

[@magnusbruce4051]

Yeah Mang Don't forget the homeless and other assorted alcoholics you only find at Wetherspoons! Seriously though, I've not really found this to be a problem. Spoons do attract students but most students keep to themselves, except on weekends when they seem to come out the woodwork and make far too much noise. I've never found chavs/scals to be much of a problem, even on weekends.

[@SuperSquishface]

+MagnusBruce You'd be mad to drinking Spoons, you wouldn't be able to get affordable life insurance.

[@magnusbruce4051]

The Joker I'm (technically) a student and most of my friends are undergraduates. It's a prudent choice to get a good meal at a fair price. Plus I actually like the food there.

[@CaesiumTree]

I think it would be fun to actually confront one of these people. So, say you take 2 weeks off work and it turns out you lied about the dead relatives. Let's just calculate how much you would have worked to find out how much you owe us. Then we would need to consider how much time you planned to take off and how your absence would have affected us...

[@Jotari]

With how stone faced he is, I wouldn't be surprised if his relatives actually had died and he was just taking advantage of it.

[@puertoriconnect4611]

That would’ve been an amazing ending. As he’s walking away his boss says, “wait” and explains this to him.

[@sethwick8348]

@@puertoriconnect4611 Except that would be a cheap cop out where the calculating bastard actually gets what's coming to him. That's not interesting or meaningful. Him getting away with it because he's practiced at pushing people just as far as they'll go and no further. . . That's such a more devastating and, ultimately, comedic end.

[@puertoriconnect4611]

@@sethwick8348 Seems like something’s that’s subjective, Sethwick. Thanks for your take, but it’s not as definitive as you’re making it out to be.

[@rekingooo]

@@puertoriconnect4611 This is (partly) why they got to make a sketch show and you didn't.

[@Zhinakin]

the lesson of today is, don't be a Steve, please don't be a fucking, Steve.

[@nyotamwuaji6484]

Now, you say "don't be a steve", but what if I was already named steve. That's a bit unfair innit?

[@Darthsantana]

holy shit both Olivia Colman and Martin Freeman are in this and both appear in movies nominated for best picture at the Oscars this year.

[@oz_jones]

Hot take: actors act.

[@Darthsantana]

yeah it's cool that every actor in the world ends up in a movie nominated for Best picture. You can't name a single actor on earth that HASNT been in best picture nominated film.

[@BenjaminGoose]

@@Darthsantana That's not true.

[@jaimemurphy2208]

@@Darthsantana How about Robert Webb and David Mitchell?

[@Drabee]

oh my i never knew this existed, this is ace

[@pjmathison9787]

Same it randomly popped up in my recommendations. Love it

[@thewerewolff7248]

i love the little side look he does when he says "as long as i want?"

[@angstriddenyouth]

"Rob as the socially inept Steve.." Inept? He seems pretty ept to me, in that fully understands exactly what is happening in any social situation and has the receipts to prove it.

[@Excidium96]

Charlotte is attractive.

[@banjopink4409]

Thanks for your input. Rachel wasn't bad either, although she'd have benefited from more regularly washing off the lube and grime of the night before, rather than letting it build up as the week wore on.

[@weekendwarriorprospecting817]

I'm the complete opposite. If someone else is paying i go as cheap as possible. Anxiety 101

[@Fixnown]

Well he did go very cheap on his order

[@weekendwarriorprospecting817]

@@Fixnown no he didn't!! He's an absolute freeloader. Child

[@TheWaxonator]

@@weekendwarriorprospecting817 I think you are missunderstanding, the actual order he made, the soup, is actually (Probably) cheap.

[@jackadams3663]

I do too but I think it’s just our way of being considerate

[@3DPlagueDR]

@@TheWaxonator He ordered the soup then asked for the ‘change’ eg what remained of what she would have spent in the hypothetical scenario he made.

[@Yea_its_good]

imagine buying 5 pints and it only costing a tenner things have changed

[@PilotExplorer]

Steve would make a great pyramid schemer

[@dead2rites590]

I highly doubt Steve paid last time.

[@LTD538]

He got her a soup

[@pen6816]

2:13 For some reason, I find that hard to believe.

[@way2tehdawn]

+Lord Pen Nah I bet he plans that shit.

[@dodec8449]

He probably paid for 1 plate with a few cheap snacks.

[@keegster7167]

I'm sure he got someone else to pay but made an agreement to make it look like he payed.

[@chizmpop]

thanks for uploading all of these!

[@Schensue]

I know sociopaths who are just like that.

[@arsenalfanrichi]

Schensue As you get older, you realize that quite a lot of your "friends" are Sociopathic.

[@tomandband]

hes acting like a psychopath though, sociopath is different

[@sidarthur8706]

a psychopath is someone whose brain wiring is abnormal and can't feel strong emotions, a sociopath is someone who may be psychopathic or neurotypical with psychopathic traits and is a danger to other people

[@lewisbean4250]

Where did you get those diagnoses by any chance?

[@pineapplepenumbra]

@@sidarthur8706 I was "friends" with a guy like that. He was intelligent, funny, good looking, and eloquent, yet he had to pretend to show emotions, and would laugh at things that normal people would, generally, be appalled by. Another guy I knew was a danger to other people, but narrowly avoided getting sectioned more than once. He was also a stalker, and would be seen going into peoples' gardens and peering through windows. The first guy was 6',2", but the stalker was 6',4", not what you want in a loony who would hold you down on train tracks with an intercity coming at you at 90mph because he thought it was funny!!!

[@redrock1963]

The premise of this sketch (leading people to being agreeable to a hypothetical situation and then acting out the hypothetical conclusion in reality) reminds me of the scene in Hitch Hikers when Arthur Dent is laying in front of the bulldozer, which is about to demolish his house, and Ford Prefect convinces Mr. Prosser, the construction foreman, to lay in front of his own bulldozer in place of Arthur so Arthur can go to the pub. Arthur later discovers that the Earth is about to be demolished and that his friend, Ford Prefect, is an alien.

[@A..Shadow..]

Lol. I haven't read the book unfortunately. I only saw the movie, and listened to a few radio episodes. I don't remember Ford convincing the foreman to do that. 😂 I guess they missed out some funny bits in the movie.

[@gerardoneil6036]

Its smart how he turns a hypothetical situation to a irl position

[@drcheesington]

Ah, wonderful. These were some of my favorites. My thanks.

[@squidcaps4308]

That character and these sketches are beautifully written. Almost surprised to see it not to make a return in Webb's later work..

[@mygaffer]

I hate Steve. I respect the hustle but still, I hate him.

[@philipshapkin6607]

respect what hustle?? leeching aint a histle 😂

[@fro_e]

​@Philip Shapkin He's getting stuff for free using manipulation, that is certainly a hustle.

[@hhehe24]

this feels like a caricature of myself when im broke and i feel a bit confronted

[@Greg-vb4zl]

the last two were the best out of the bunch!

[@eddyp483]

This is amazing. Gonna have to source this on DVD or summit.

[@K.Dilkington]

That "oh my god" at the end was brilliant.

[@apeshitmedia]

Everyone has given money to a Steve

[@louisge459]

600quid for the dom alone mate

[@wyattbaker4427]

Jill put up a good fight against the terrifying logic of Steve

[@KOTYAR0]

Absolutely favourited I never really wanted this before, but I want to have a memory wipe so I can watch this again

[@StormTheFuture]

Robert looks so young in these! Probably one of my favourite sketches :)

[@0xCAFEF00D]

Something that's missing from this is that he's probably a pretty good guy in general for the people around him to be so nice.

[@BolBolBolBolBol]

autistic local hero

[@nyotamwuaji6484]

I feel like hes just so logical about it, they have a hard time getting angry because he already spelled out the terms of everything. Now hes just collecting the price.

[@TomSFox]

I mean, he paid last time.

[@antoniusweezel876]

His logic is infallible.

[@nerdsDanny]

The real wonder of this sketch is whatever pub charges £2.20 for a pint

[@lpsp442]

This would make for a fascinating anime adaptation.

[@RadioactiveCassowary]

HOLY SHIT! £2.20 for a pint? Fuck me I wish I could live in that age.

[@IRVDawg]

Just found Bruiser on KZbin, hadn't heard of it , glad to have found it.

[@emilyboothe7033]

Economists think this is the default way people act lmao

[@DONKINDONUTS]

This makes me so aggravated hahaha. I _know_ it's a sketch and whatnot, but that character manages to be so despicable hahaha.

[@casemods]

Oh my god it's the geography cutie 😍😍😍 she's so cute. I love her accent. Just adorable

[@NewOrderOfAlexandria]

0:03 these two are gonna be stars I can see it now

[@brunnlake]

Thank you KZbin! I did not know about this show but loved Peep Show!

[@XXavierSin-XXs]

She was hella excited at the start, and died near the end.

[@DemstarAus]

I feel like Steve is highlighting the fact that most people follow social rules that they are not aware of or don't understand. If they actually thought about them maybe people would treat others differently and would also then be able to counter Steves because the ability to weasel in and out of such ridiculous social agreements would have been eliminated by accountability to peers who know what's up.

[@Football__Junkie]

Good salesman. Asks a lot of leading questions

[@killianquinn4127]

My spirit animal

[@TheEdgestrikeHD]

My favourite part of this is that Oscar winner Olivia Colman uses a velcro wallet

[@Cbuck-in8um]

£2.20 for a pint, Jesus Christ 😂

[@izzilydford3004]

Love this

[@10highsky]

His theory is solid 😂😂

[@tarkanyilmaz6905]

A pint is £6.50 at my local now. £2.59 at Wetherspoons 😄

[@willyb9675]

If a pint costed £2.20 now we'd be living on Mars aready

[@jacksmith4530]

So sad steve lost his house and family tho:/

[@BFHGokias]

I like how olivia in the 3rd sketch is just carrying ~440 pounds in cash on her. Probably doesn't need it then.

[@claymcdermott718]

I hate friends who actually act like Steve, but I admit...I definitely think like this.

[@LuizAlexPhoenix]

It's not good to admit it. For maximum gains, it's better to convince everyone else that this us unnaceptable behavior.

[@yyguuyg]

manipulative sociopath alert

[@Fodi_be]

I lost it at "...probably not" :D

[@Ljgaming489]

Jesus christ this guy is hard work

[@katiestolealltheunicorns9309]

People don't really put up with that though, there is a limit. Basically they'd say, "If you're gonna be like that I'm not getting you anything." If they have any sense.

[@Kris.G]

Wow, really?

[@johnweenus3939]

Be a great comedy sketch that mate

[@toogle1234]

I need to use this for my Econ class.

[@Queenofdeathandevil9]

This is embarrassing to watch! Lol! XD

[@Ihatemyusernamemore]

I love the venom in the "yeah I did"

[@plot6520]

This is very overthinking...this show is a painful summary of my life...

[@bettyboop-xg6jo]

Brilliaaaaaant😂

[@zachthemangod1512]

When people think they wont need math class, or to wonder why jack has so many soaps

[@Chillllllbruh]

I'm going to do this in my life. It's brilliant.

[@HellGateDenmark]

The velcro wallet Got me at 3:26 :D

[@Mike-zk5jc]

Honestly, nearly any sum of money would be adequate payment to get Steve out of my presence forever.

[@TheAIKnowledgeHub]

I love the last one.

[@thedivock9648]

Legend

[@cappyjones]

I could listen to Charlotte say "do you want a quick bite before I devour it?" and "go on, have a bite" all day, every day! 😍

[@MossXM]

Bit strange.