Online Dating With A Disability

Can romance, love, and perfect first dates be found amidst all the questions and false starts?
Credits: www.buzzfeed.com/bfmp/videos/77630
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MUSIC
About-Town
Licensed via Warner Chappell Production Music Inc.
Bright and Confident Minimal_Main
Licensed via Warner Chappell Production Music Inc.
Graceful Manor_Full
Licensed via Warner Chappell Production Music Inc.
Curious-Notion-3
Licensed via Warner Chappell Production Music Inc.
Soho-Sleaze
Licensed via Warner Chappell Production Music Inc.
Gymnopédie-Douloureux
Licensed via Warner Chappell Production Music Inc.
Hidden-Habitat
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All My Best_Full Mix
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Licensed via Audio Network
SFX Provided By AudioBlocks
(www.audioblocks.com)
EXTERNAL CREDITS
Spencer West
kzbin.info

[@Vikas.Jangra]

You guys outdid yourself this time. Great video BuzzFeed. This is going to represent so many unheard voices.

[@Wildminecraftwolf]

LMAO

[@salizwanongauza8839]

I loved it

[@mtndewdev]

at first i thought he was resting his arms on a pillow and didnt even notice at first. i didnt realize that was the actual chair bottom. thank you for sharing your story tho!

[@laurenscott5003]

mtndewdev I didn’t realize it was the bottom of the chair until I saw this comment!😂

[@LC-ft2ob]

I’d love it if buzzfeed did a series on this. Showing people with different types of disabilities and their experiences. For someone with the conditions/disabilities I have it’s not something that’s cut and dry. Things like chronic illnesses fluctuate and some people are ambulant wheelchair users or need extra help day to day. It would be nice to hear about people dating in these sorts of situations as well.

[@justaddmusclecom]

This was a really insightful video. Great Job.

[@1PerpetualDayDreamer]

More content like this please. I'm disabled and chronically ill and I really need to see more videos like this.

[@samivayajd]

Disabled, indigenous, gay, creator here! :)

[@chadmuskaa2806]

Are you doing ok???

[@1PerpetualDayDreamer]

@@chadmuskaa2806 absolutely not 😂 thanks for asking though!

[@chadmuskaa2806]

@@1PerpetualDayDreamer If you have a chronic disease may i HIGHLY recommend taking BLACK SEED OIL!! =)

[@Hopefullindz]

@@samivayajd it's really great to see this video it gives us hope

[@neeonfox7484]

he's such an adorable kinda guy 😍

[@joelp19761]

neeon Fox Do him then...

[@rustzz8]

I've been in a wheelchair for the last 20 years and it's hard to find someone willing to overlook my disability and date me. I have only dated people who have been friends first because they have gotten to know me.

[@attomicchicken]

Is there a network for people with your disability or a place someone would overlook it?

[@DistressedAndImpressed]

Really? Have you tried Tinder? There's many people out there that are open to it. I live in a big city (NYC), so it might be easier for me..

[@raynemaybe]

My situation was a little different than this obviously, but I just wanted to give hope to anyone in the comments currently going through something that makes them feel unloved or unable to be loved. I met my boyfriend randomly on Tumblr 5 years ago. He lived in Jersey, I lived in Florida. Within a year of our skype-exclusive relationship, I became disabled. I woke up feeling weird and by 1pm that afternoon I couldn't walk without a walker. Now notice I didn't say Ex boyfriend. Because you know what he did? Embraced me even harder. Moved away from his family to Florida and moved in. He provides me with every bit of care and love he possibly can. My sudden disability meant absolutely nothing to him. It changed everything about me, but he would never ever love me any less. You will find someone out there who will love you enough to take that leap with you. There is SOMEONE out there for everyone, I swear. Your disability doesn't define you. Your disability doesn't make you any less worthy of love. And before everything else, you are NEVER EVER a burden on the ones you love because of your disability.

[@HaileyWiest]

I have Cerebral palsy... and you can clearly see that I do. Ot has made dating more difficult... but after watching this and reading this comment ... it really opened up my heart and mind. Thank you

[@DistressedAndImpressed]

I've met so many people on Tumblr. Lol.

[@moduslive]

Thanks. I needed that, 10 years on. Disabled from illness like you it was sudden. Isolated myself for so long. Family makes it hard but I’ve got to force myself. 10 years this year, wasted due to my problems with self esteem and grief over all the illnesses problems and now I’m 34 this year, making it worse, since I’m still in the mind of a 23 year old.

[@HaileyWiest]

@@moduslive we're definitely here for you!!!

[@bronyandleesh]

I had the opportunity to meet Spencer in India a couple years ago on a mission trip. Can truly say that he is one of the most incredible people I've ever met. He is so inspiring and just speaks his truth every damn day. Hope he gets everything he deserves and more, well done buzzfeed

[@CatherineDupuis87]

One thing I've found discouraging is the number of people who use employment as a dealbreaker. I've had a hard time finding employment because of my disabilities (a very common thing that we face), but able people don't realize how difficult it can be to find a good fit.

[@Smasho8000]

You do? I heard that US companies will hire people easily because the potential employer will get a tax reduction.

[@chadmuskaa2806]

How are u doing???

[@CraziLydzz]

I can’t even begin to explain what this video means to me. A few months ago I had surgery that changed my life and as a single 30 yr old girl I’ve constantly been wondering what this means for my dating life. Should I put it right out there? Do I hide it until it’s brought up? So many questions that not many people can relate to but so many people give “pep talks” about. To hear this from someone who truly gets it. It was the most amazing timing. Thank you.

[@EarthCybebe]

His description of that date is like relationship goals. I want to know what happened with that relationship when it had such a cute first date! I hope NYC guy didn't become a jerk

[@Wigconic.]

Am i the only one who never use online dating or Tinder?

[@satsumasalanewt4007]

Iconic no, I haven’t either.

[@sugarshine]

Oh dear God no I would never. You're not alone

[@harlowkinsley4925]

Ur -2

[@panosr2135]

Trust me it isn’t that much worth it, of course you have more chances in meeting people but just Like everybody meets people the old fashion way, one day you’ll find the right one. You just need to be patient

[@cazzawee]

yes 7 billion ppl on the planet and u are the only one not on tinder

[@daniyalnaqvi8887]

But i wants to say Very inspirational Not his normality But his positivity

[@boredjerboa]

I can't tell you how much I needed this. While I'm not disabled in the sense you are I am disabled with chronic illnesses and conditions such as tourettes and I've struggled with finding my worth in a relationship and going on dating apps but seeing how you deal with this is helpful and I think your very beautiful, inside and out. Thankyou for this video.

[@DennisGarcia]

I’m gay and was born with 8 fingers and a stutter. It’s so hard to online date. I definitely agree with all of what spencer said. A lot of people don’t want to give you a shot because of certain things that are beyond of my control. Thanks for making content like this buzzfeed! Please make more. These voices need to heard and it’s extremely important.

[@lopez7850]

As someone who is a paraplegic, I haven't dated in 7 years. I've been wanting to get back out there but there's so many devos out there that it scares me. Sometimes it's hard to tell if they are truly interested or if they have a fetish.

[@brad481]

don't give up! you'll find love!

[@DistressedAndImpressed]

Try Tinder!

[@ashleynctzen4095]

I hope he finds the love of his life. His romantic date story is the cutest ever.

[@IshanAli]

Everyone deserve love

[@jasminemariposa5450]

I don’t have a disability but this is inspiring to me, u know not inspiring to the fact he has no legs it will still be inspiring if he did have legs, but I just love how happy he is in life, and I wish I could be as happy as him💖

[@katharinag3283]

Please bring him back for another video!

[@NO-cm4vq]

I love his bubbly personality! I genuinly hope he'll find someone great because he deserves that.

[@GB434]

I'm a straight, disabled man whose girlfriend abandoned him after 20 years when I came down with COVID19. I guess it was the straw that broke the camels back. That was a great story of love. I am glad you found someone.

[@theirishninjasanimations]

Great to see another video about disability, would be great to see more! And yeah, I haven't really got into dating, but I've heard the same things said by disabled friends of mine as Spencer outlined here.

[@Wildminecraftwolf]

Sorry marzia, weddings off, your being replaced

[@Cheyennehardy]

Met this wonderful man a few years ago after dedicating many school projects to him. His story and achievements are unbelievably inspiring, and I'm so thankful that I grew up with him being a role model Great video!! So so cool to see him on Buzzfeed!

[@tylerruffino5819]

So glad that someone made a video like this, I'm not missing limbs but being ftm trans on gay dating apps is so frustrating! There are guys that fetishize me, call me a c*ntboy (it's like saying a transwoman is a "sissie" or man that dresses as a woman for sexual reasons), there are guys that ask question after question like it's an interview specifically about being trans in a relationship. Thankfully, there are diamonds in the rough that just see me as a person but nonetheless, I totally relate to this guy, Spencer West, on how tough dating while even just being different is hard.

[@brad481]

don't give up! you'll find love!

[@alexgreen6175]

Well said! I literally want to copy the link to this video and put it on my dating profile. I get comments like this all the time about my using/ needing a chair and my disability too.

[@tessdyka3823]

As someone with a disability and a chronic illness also I loved this video! I’m newly out of a relationship and online dating is hard, especially because I disclose on my profile I have a service dog. So thank you so much for this video, I’m going try to have his perspective on dating!

[@Trund27]

Excellent video, thank you!

[@-4subscriberswithahammerad521]

The fun part about dating online is that you can date someone while only seeing their face :D

[@f.v.l3959]

This was awesome!!! So well done.

[@jesscristiu9772]

What a cool guy, a lot of people in this world would benefit from having his personality and disposition!

[@ATrueLoveOfficial]

Sometimes, it's hard to find someone who can accept you for who you are, but if that person is interested with you, your flaws won't matter.

[@McSleuthBurgered]

I have a disability, so I'm in a wheelchair. I've been on internet dating for 3 years now

[@daniellemartin7541]

I needed to hear that

[@KnlMohawk13]

That first date story was literally the sweetest thing I've ever heard! I've been on a couple dates with two girls and nothing came from either of them. Hoping one day something so sweet will happen to me, but lgbt+ dating where I am is very slim 😞

[@fitfatbrittrny]

Such a great video!

[@lexifilburn4791]

I GET YOU! Whenever I start talking to someone and we get to the point where we might wanna meet up. Then I have to be like, “well I can’t drive, could you pick me up?” Then I have to explain that I’m visually impaired, and of course they ask a million questions, which I don’t mind answering, but then they never message me again. And I’m like, so what’s the problem? Just like any other person, I want love.

[@brad481]

don't give up! you'll find love!

[@annab8401]

I’m seriously in the exact same boat. I have been trying online dating for over a year now and have met a few nice guys. Whenever I tell them that I can’t drive because of my disability they either block me right away, or everything goes down hill from there.

[@lexifilburn4791]

I don’t like to put it in my bios, 1) to just avoid the people who have fetishes about disabilities, and 2) because it shouldn’t matter.

[@DistressedAndImpressed]

@@lexifilburn4791 Honestly, you should out it in your bio. It weeds out those that discriminate/aren't intrested in dating a person with a disability. Ofc we don't want to come in contact with people that fetishize us but it's pretty easy to tell when someone's like that. Not everyone is going to be open to dating us and that should be fine with you (imo). It's just a waste of time to talk to people that aren't interested. Trust me, it'll save the disappointment.

[@SimplyChychy]

*he's soo chill* I love it

[@Danielevans2]

"I don't have to spend money on shoes" 😂😂

[@pinkgiraffe378]

This was a really interesting and insightful video. In this day and age it really shouldn't matter if you have a disability. I would not care if someone has a disability it's the personality that matters.

[@TheTfroggy912]

Literally chills from the first date story.

[@rescand2]

You describe the term I thought of as the "loss perspective". The Loss Perspective is the perspective from an able-bodied person to which they think about losing abilities they once had, therefore, the only option is to feel sorry for oneself. (3:00)

[@QueenofWheels]

As somebody who has spina bifida and use a wheelchair dating sucks. They just like oh no that's so sad and disappear.

[@DistressedAndImpressed]

Do you disclose your disability?

[@QueenofWheels]

@@DistressedAndImpressed you can see it in a lot of my pictures but yes I do because there is more to it than just the wheelchair.

[@DistressedAndImpressed]

@@QueenofWheels I know, I'm also a wheelchair user. There's lots of annoying things to deal with, I was just curious.

[@QueenofWheels]

@@DistressedAndImpressed I do have to say I now find it sad that I am so shock when it doesn't run them away. I have also used the parts of my disability you can't see to run creeps away.

[@FaithlynZoe]

Dating with a disability is... so difficult 😅

[@clickheretoexit3644]

You are really pretty!!

[@chelseyj9547]

Well then you must be single 😅

[@FaithlynZoe]

treatpeoplewithkindness thank you!

[@DistressedAndImpressed]

It's exhausting! Not because I'm worried about how I'm perceived, but socializing in general is already annoying so dating is 10× worse! Lol.

[@clickheretoexit3644]

@@FaithlynZoe no problem!

[@the1andonlytrav]

You're a great guy, Spencer! I think you're perfect just the way you are.

[@katharinag3283]

This was a really great video.

[@jasper2572]

This is very relatable! I feel less alone now.

[@Wheelchairup]

I can relate to this so much. I know people mean well, but I do hate the whole “you’re such an inspiration”. I always just say thank you because I know it comes from a good place. I’m very upfront on dating sites about my paraplegia hoping it would answer the questions people have…..but it doesn’t. I do understand people having the questions, but there are so many other great things about me that they never seem to ask. It is definitely not easy trying online dating, but I still have hope that my special person is out there. You do have to be careful about the devotee’s….. not all them are creepy but the ones that sexualize you strictly because of your disability personally creep me out a bit!

[@kiwthebeauty]

I love him. I truly hope this video gets him so much traffic and attention that someone or a few people genuinely want to reach out to him and date him. Or BuzzFeed set him up with a date and follow him on it! I would love a cute update on him!

[@thehoneybeequeen]

His personality is amazing we need more of him

[@Hopefullindz]

I am one legged and can't find anyone to love me I feel very sad and lonely , I have great friends by my side but since I got my leg amputated I knew that I will be alone for the rest of my life I wish I could find someone to chat with and talk about our lives , also thank you so much for this video it really gives hope to people and we don't feel awkward and know that many people like us actually have dates and they can live something romantic 🥰

[@AyunaBudaeva]

Such a well-spoken gentleman 👍

[@jaxfroggie]

I loved the new York story! I identify with this cause I have a couple health things and it is so hard to find someone willing to deal with those things right off the bat. Also I am ssbbw and not in to the fetish side of that so that is hard to navigate as well. I am hopeful but in this time of internet dating it it difficult.

[@bbfsc123]

Love his KZbin channel!!

[@Spencer2TheWest]

Thanks Buzzfeed!!!!!

[@edwardjaycocks5497]

Let me first off by start saying what a wonderful inspiring video fantastic🙂 I’m a veteran so I ended up with marginal brain damage which affected my legs blah blah blah so I realise over the last 10 years with it how peoples perception changes toward you which is actually vast majority so this video that’s help me stay positive thanks a lot great video🙂....One excellent thing about having a disability is that you look at things I do anyway in a more positive way rather than being negative towards everything, much more caring Open to more possibilities than I ever did done a normal person so to speak if there is such a thing.

[@af6469]

When it started to play gymnopedie no. 1 my heart just flew I love that song

[@Haililibunnie]

He seems so down to earth and sweet

[@queentye338]

He has an outstanding personality.. wow!

[@IrishGal690]

I am in a wheelchair, I get ALL the same shite! a lot of ghosting and sex questions..

[@karlisstrautins]

"Then he walked me home" *cut to a shot showing he has no legs*

[@HewanYitagesu]

I needed that kissing in the rain story. So single that I have to live vicariously through him.

[@Girlwithbcspecs]

This has restored my faith in love:0)

[@LessThanThree76]

What a great guy! Hope he finds someone who adores him as much as he deserves to be adored. And loved. ❤️

[@heartinvillage8237]

Hu

[@lizzziieeeeeeeee]

What a great man!

[@Cassxowary]

Go him! And best of luck! Hope he has a great life!

[@klapfn5629]

He looks cool without legs not lieing

[@Kpop_Metalhead]

So did not have the same issue but I did have some things to deal with especially when I couldn't see out of either eye(not completely blind both were just blurry nothing was clear) because you have to be so careful when you date. I don't drive I have a little handicap bus that takes me around or my handicap service sends Lyft for me to go places as long as I schedule it ahead of time. So there's a alot of factors to consider but it can be done. But you forget how many things you need your eyes for and some people get a little too I'll do it for you instead of letting me do it myself. They were able to fix one eye so now I can see out of my left so it's a little bit better but my depth perception is horrible at night and I can run into anything so I still have my blind stick. I still don't drive so it's still a whole lot of things to consider but at least guys don't treat me like I'm going to break or have to do everything for me.

[@trseven100]

Spencer has a great outlook and is handsome as well!

[@torifawcett5811]

Yessss Spencer!! ❤️❤️❤️

[@kismedve_591]

Sex makes your legs weak! -Rocky Balboa

[@ikbenongesteld7397]

That means this guy can go all out

[@kismedve_591]

@@ikbenongesteld7397lol

[@katchmeifyoucan1131]

I hope he finds the guy of his dreams.

[@THELOGANHART]

What is wrong with the 24 people who disliked

[@PAfarmboy]

They have an ability disability. :)

[@CahniCaelan]

Honestly, where did he get his ring? That's cute af. ♡

[@waldmann7777]

The date story is so cute😍

[@shellyfisher7931]

You deserve the best, Spencer! Shel

[@mayam9688]

yaasssss spencer!! 💕

[@DistressedAndImpressed]

The most common question when dating as a person with a disability is "Can you have sex?"/"Does your vagina work?". So weird. Lol.

[@debbiegreen9514]

I am disabled as well. Why do we have to be defined by are disabilities? We are people with feelings and desires just like everyone else in this world.

[@mr.d.572]

I agree. But people are afraid when they see someone in a condition that they're afraid to be in.

[@aryangupta1971]

*When the dude without legs has a bigger bicep than you*

[@extracandy]

I've seen this guy in other videos, and he sometimes walks on his arms! So he has to have really strong arms to do that

[@DistressedAndImpressed]

Well, when you don't have legs you spend most of your time using your existing limbs. Lol. Using a wheelchair gives you huge guns!

[@batmanlikespizza2541]

You did good buzzfeed.

[@marshy_5406]

How can anyone not like this guy ?!?! XD He seems like a cool guy to talk to

[@bluekat1904]

Yeah I been single and dateless because of my disability of being black,fat,and antisocial and I just want to be with someone who will look past those things. It's so hard out here :/

[@nickgehr6916]

OMG this guy should host meme review 👏 👏

[@hoejackborseman]

*Best advice for relationship* Years ago when I was backpacking through western Europe, I was just outside Barcelona... Those who get it. Get it.

[@AndreaB140]

Ken Adams 💖

[@nelileen1656]

more for flirting but yeah

[@colleenglanville8080]

It seems like you had a very wonderful time on that date! 😁👍

[@sophiawishes3208]

He’s so charming 🤗

[@Venusaospedacos]

He is absolutely handsome and lovely!!!! I would love to meet him, but we're so far!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😭

[@cash_eye]

He seems like an amazing person

[@chinchillahats4907]

I scrolled by this story and I thought this was Chester at first. This guy kind of looks like him in the thumbnail.

[@doctoreplay]

Isn’t he the dude that climed Kilimanjaro?

[@Spencer2TheWest]

He is 😜

[@doctoreplay]

@@Spencer2TheWest Awesome!

[@oh_k1135]

I'm pansexual and was born with four fingers and toes. People don't treat me like a real person because of my "condition". I even called the four fingered freak at my school. I just wish some people would stop and think what they are going.

[@brad481]

i'm sorry they do this, but don't listen to them and keep your head held high. People who don't see you because of that 'condition' are the ones who really have a problem, and are not worth your time. Believe in yourself and don't give up on anything because of what others may say or think!

[@gripitl6878]

Tobe He does now. He didn’t before.

[@beccygreen1520]

Bless him, beautiful boy.

[@futureMD2016]

Ugh. My heart strings.

[@laurae2489]

He’s so cool!!!

[@boostedsavage8601]

i have cerebral palsy so...

[@venturaparks9914]

You seem to be a super cool guy. Witty,charming and funny. I wish you a wonderful,romantic life. ❤

[@firefruze]

Rock on stud!