Can I create a group chat with my father and fiance to get to know him better before marriage?

[@tinkeringtim7999]

Very prominent that no evidences were given. He also spoke of what was encouraged but she asked if it was permissible. I feel sure the sheikh misunderstood the question, based on his answer.

[@MK-qs6os]

So I’ve noticed in some cultures, to avoid sin but still get to know each others compatibility, some couples actually do their nikkah but dont consummate. They then chat on the phone for a few months and if they are happy and comf with each other, they consummate. If not, they absolve the marriage and move on. This seemed like a good idea to keep things halal but I have a feeling the sheikh might say this is playing with the Deen. Sheikh if u see this, pls clarify if it’s halal and ok to do so, so long as there’s no intention for divorce.

[@Liam_Forever]

Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu, I'm pretty sure that it is Haram to make a Marriage with this intention, because a Marriage is a commitment to both yourself and your spouse and not something that you use as a trial period or testing period. Rather it should be something that should be done with the intention of finality that you and your spouse will be together. I am not a Scholar or a big Student of Knowledge, so take what I said with a grain of salt, but it does seem like this is a better way.

[@Liam_Forever]

Here is my response to another reply I made to someone in this comment section. Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu, The thing is that after the engagement you can still get to know and learn about your potential spouse from their father, brother, etc. The reason for the differentiation between them might be because if you are engaged but decide to not marry them then you would have just not married, but if you did Nik'ah then it's final. You both are married and cannot separate without valid reason and if you do divorce or separate for a valid reason then you would be a Divorcee. So the engagement kind of acts like a protection for both the Husband and Wife so that they don't end up doing what Allah hates the most which is Halal that is Divorce.

[@ovna]

Pretty sure haram too, look like cheating, because if you do this to know each other that mean directly that ur not sure to marry him but u did nikka so it's not OK because of this contradiction

[@chobikil6006]

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[@Liam_Forever]

Wa alaikum as salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu

[@FlareVolt0]

engagement is like a promise for marriage, so she doesn't accept other meetings , and either party can break the engagement, its just like a reservation, so no one else comes in the picture, until they are ready for the actual marriage, and they're still strangers, so no chatting etc. but her idea of making a group chat with her father, like prolonging the initial interview to make it more detailed etc, its surprising that its not permissible as the sheikh said, even with the father involved , im sure they wont be sending heart emojis or lol or any street talk etc, just questions like whats your future career or do you coke , or if something comes up maybe house decoration and he or she wants the others opinions before marriage etc, these are the things that come to mind when thinking about a group chat with her father AFTER the initial hour or so interview . but idk maybe the sheikh thought its not good because they would chit chat and go beyond whats necessary even with the father involved, like : whats your favorite food, and emojis and other personal questions like virgin ? friends ? favorite tv show ? etc etc. but i dont have experience in marriage interviews so idk the first thing about how they are conducted or what to ask and does the father have to laterally be sitting next to you giving you anxity and shame to even ask her what you really look for in a wife etc, so idk, if this is the case then marriage interviews really are the most important interview in your life, more than a job, and you'd have to prepare beforehand and have a list of questions that wont make the father or her angry, definitely avoid the virgin topic, and make it a stipulation on the marriage contract or something she ticks off without exposing her sins or reasons if she happens to be not a virgin or married before etc. so have an interview about her or his character ( idk how, especially in one hour ) , and after you like each other you go into the marriage contract details, and if you insist on something you add it in, virgin, she demands this much in maher, she demands to finish studies or work etc, and both go over the contract and discus and change and agree and so on, so in my understanding, initial interview is for character and their looks ( if you found them to your liking ), not cooking skills, favorite hobby show etc, but his/her deen and manners and looks, THEN you get into the demands from both in the contract. after that you're married, and then you get to know his/her favorite hobbies and laugh and get to know your spouse better, as long as the deen and manners are okay, her being a virgin, him being rich, and other stuff is a plus. but before that, its your choice if deen and manners are okay, but you refuse for money ,or because one is not that pretty or ugly, then idk about. the prophet pbuh gave us the criteria for a spouse , her deen comes first , idk the rest at heart. Allah s.w.t knows best

[@traveler8010]

So if I understand correctly, discussion with a potential fiance is a one and done thing and not something you keep consistent discussion with. First thing, you see what her background is(perhaps asking the guardian about her, maybe if she has a brother?), if that is good, then you can talk to her. Then if she sounds good, then you guys are fiance. But this does not mean you can talk to her more freely. It's a waiting period until marriage.... hmm. I would need more information, so when engaged the two are still like strangers until Nikah? What's the point of engagement if there is no further discussion during it? Confused.

[@Liam_Forever]

Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu, The thing is that after the engagement you can still get to know and learn about your potential spouse from their father, brother, etc. The reason for the differentiation between them might be because if you are engaged but decide to not marry them then you would have just not married, but if you did Nik'ah then it's final. You both are married and cannot separate without valid reason and if you do divorce or separate for a valid reason then you would be a Divorcee. So the engagement kind of acts like a protection for both the Husband and Wife so that they don't end up doing what Allah hates the most which is Halal that is Divorce.

[@traveler8010]

@@Liam_Forever Sheikh said to do your due diligence before marriage, like ask her guardian how she is like. Sheikh isn't clear what happens during engagement. You also can't talk to her other than the first meeting you guys had according to my understanding.

[@FlareVolt0]

​@@traveler8010 engagement is like a promise for marriage, so she doesn't accept other meetings , and either party can break the engagement, its just like a reservation, so no one else comes in the picture, until they are ready for the actual marriage, and they're still strangers, so no chatting etc. but her idea of making a group chat with her father, like prolonging the initial interview to make it more detailed etc, its surprising that its not permissible as the sheikh said, even with the father involved , im sure they wont be sending heart emojis or lol or any street talk etc, just questions like whats your future career or do you coke , or if something comes up maybe house decoration and he or she wants the others opinions before marriage etc, these are the things that come to mind when thinking about a group chat with her father AFTER the initial hour or so interview . but idk maybe the sheikh thought its not good because they would chit chat and go beyond whats necessary even with the father involved, like : whats your favorite food, and emojis and other personal questions like virgin ? friends ? favorite tv show ? etc etc. but i dont have experience in marriage interviews so idk the first thing about how they are conducted or what to ask and does the father have to laterally be sitting next to you giving you anxity and shame to even ask her what you really look for in a wife etc, so idk, if this is the case then marriage interviews really are the most important interview in your life, more than a job, and you'd have to prepare beforehand and have a list of questions that wont make the father or her angry, definitely avoid the virgin topic, and make it a stipulation on the marriage contract or something she ticks off without exposing her sins or reasons if she happens to be not a virgin or married before etc. so have an interview about her or his character ( idk how, especially in one hour ) , and after you like each other you go into the marriage contract details, and if you insist on something you add it in, virgin, she demands this much in maher, she demands to finish studies or work etc, and both go over the contract and discus and change and agree and so on, so in my understanding, initial interview is for character and their looks ( if you found them to your liking ), not cooking skills, favorite hobby show etc, but his/her deen and manners and looks, THEN you get into the demands from both in the contract. after that you're married, and then you get to know his/her favorite hobbies and laugh and get to know your spouse better, as long as the deen and manners are okay, her being a virgin, him being rich, and other stuff is a plus. but before that, its your choice if deen and manners are okay, but you refuse for money ,or because one is not that pretty or ugly, then idk about. the prophet pbuh gave us the criteria for a spouse , her deen comes first , idk the rest at heart. Allah s.w.t knows best

[@Fifi6799]

​@@traveler8010that's nonsense. You can talk as much as you want with the guardian present. As if you're going to know someone with just one or two meetings. No. I would never marry a man if I only knew him for 2 hours and wasn't allowed to talk to him again. Absolutely no

[@f4gtrn698]

@@Fifi6799are these based on the fatwa of trusted scholars? Genuinely curious

[@danielhartley9003]

Allah may know best for those who follow him but assim doesnt know best haha. He did not quote hadith or quran so what is this?

[@OrphanMuslimgirl-k1m]

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[@AbsurdTuber]

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[@Liam_Forever]

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