Can this commonly used marriage advice be harmful?

'Don't try to find the right one--try to be the right one'
'You are the problem in your relationship--work on yourself, don't try to fix your partner'
These may be generally true/solid advice, but if preached widely rather than offered as one-on-one advice to your individual problem, there is the potential for widespread misunderstanding.

[@axl1002]

Why did you marry someone you don't like?

[@maureengallant5066]

I totally agree, Francis De Sales in the 16th century suggested we should "bloom where we are planted" which can be interpreted to mean no matter the struggles, keep at it, you'll earn something through your trials...but a minister friend said something similar but slightly different when I went to him with some frustrations, he took idea about that bloom where you are planted and said "You have to grow where you are planted". And by that he meant it was my life's purpose to grow. That was it. Grow. I liked his take on the Salesian idea. I'm not here to struggle and try to bloom, I am intended to bloom and that should be part of my desire. My growth is essential for my life. I can't not grow! Neither can anyone else, not if we all want what is best for us.

[@justpeachy4393]

I've never heard that interpretation of that saying before, interesting!

[@lenaor6364]

It's true, that many problems, including divorce, are treated very one-sided, very narrowed.. yes, there are various reasons for any kind of situation and problem, but actually the root of all reasons is the heart... If the heart is cruel, bitter, unforgiving, unhealed, hurt - if both sides don't heal their hearts and souls and are in broken relationship and without fellowship with God - destruction of any kind is looming, because destruction doesn't come from God. Yes, the message should land for both sides. But even the one-sided message is also already true - and this truth is that it is smth wrong with the "wictim" of the problem and you yourself acknowledge that in another video about childhood trauma, which led to innocence in choosing a husband, unknowing, who is the right person for you, seeking happiness in marriage - in short, when people before marriage set wrong priority - not God but a human being will make them happy, they also co-creating their future hardships, so they also should be addressed as a "complice". So it's not necessary "the agenda" in the church, it's not detailed touch on the problem, just one part, nevertheless this part is also true!Who wrongly starts the marriage, not how God teaches, but by human understanding, shouldn't be insulted by the truth at the end.. However I agree, all kinds of problems should be treated fair and in wide spectrum.