Can You Talk To Your Parents About Anything? *EMOTIONS GET HIGH* Wajeeh Walks Off! (Chai Talk Ep 20)

[@nimritsingh2320]

“Why would I tell you anything when I’m gonna get more stress and anxiety” OMG YES 😂

[@Magiciansclassroom]

I don’t think brown parents will ever understand how their reactions hurt us.

[@HKAMILAH]

Facts

[@SoloXerrrr]

@@usereman123so the childs emotions are invalid for the mother giving birth? Such a stupid and ignorant thing to say i hope you dont have children because its apparent that you would neglect your childs feelings 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

[@zahraarahman3601]

I do disagree with that since it wasnt our decision to be here although we should never lose respect for then which i do agree with but ! Its not okay for them to just hurt us in that way .. ​@usereman123

[@mishaalzk6033]

@@usereman123such a stupid argument

[@usereman123]

@zahraarahman3601 maybe they're looking out for you. These people are from a time where they were treated like adults from a young age. They had no choice but to grow up quick and accept responsibilities. They never had the freedom we do & all their lives had elders dictating. That's all they know. But kids don't understand that and just start attacking their parents. This Wajeeh guy is a fitna. Look at him talk to his mother. Toba in Islam we can't even say uff to them & he's screaming at her. May Allah guide the youth today as they have more love for friends & youtubers than their own parents

[@Moon24926]

🤚I'm an Arab and my parents never said sorry to me. I'm 27 now, and if I feel like I did something that hurt my 6 year old daughter feeling, I say sorry to her . She even asks me to say sorry to her when I make her sad, and I do say it . We need to change. Not everything our parents did is right.

[@LL-Coolio]

For godsake ubsound like a baby man

[@usereman123]

They sorry they gave birth to you

[@HKAMILAH]

100%, I am this way with my niece.

[@Moon24926]

Is that what your parents told you? ​@@usereman123

[@renmarie7699]

The fact that she is comfortable enough with you to ask you for an apology speaks volumes. You’re doing the right thing. Good job.

[@nabeehajahir970]

I feel like it's very brave of you to be posting this episode. It's very much needed to bring out how hard desi kids find it to come out to their parents. You always eat Wajeeh! 😋

[@dragonlyrics2078]

African Muslim parents are the same tbh my mum is just like that

[@Pfyzer]

​@dragonlyrics2078 can't relate with South East Asian Muslim parents lol Sorry for your culture

[@nurjahanhaq6342]

With all due respect Aunty, Allah does tell parents to fulfil their role as parents. He clearly mentions that our children are a gift to us (amanah), they are our test in this dunya and how we fulfil the responsibilities towards them are clearly defined. In fact, we will be asked how we were as a parent before we are asked how we were as a child in the day of judgement. (Apologies for not mentioning specific hadith, please research at your leisure). I am a parent too and I take my duties and responsibilities towards my children as seriously as I take being dutiful to my parents. May Allah guide us all in steadfastness. Ameen!

[@sameeha_77]

Hadith is below: The parents have to understand that Allaah has given them responsibility over their children, and they have to fulfil the trust as Allaah has enjoined in the Qur’aan. The Sunnah also confirms this command in many saheeh ahaadeeth (authentic traditions). The texts of the Revelation also warn the one who does not look after his flock sincerely and who neglects the trust with which Allaah has entrusted him. It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar al-Muzani said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There is no person whom Allaah puts in charge of others, and when he dies he is insincere to his subjects, but Allaah will forbid Paradise to him.” According to another report: “… and he is insincere towards them, but he will not smell the fragrance of Paradise.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6731) and Muslim (142).

[@yxng.zee_]

100%

[@sameeha_77]

Hadith is below: The parents have to understand that Allaah has given them responsibility over their children, and they have to fulfil the trust as Allaah has enjoined in the Qur’aan. The Sunnah also confirms this command in many saheeh ahaadeeth (authentic traditions). The texts of the Revelation also warn the one who does not look after his flock sincerely and who neglects the trust with which Allaah has entrusted him. It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar al-Muzani said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There is no person whom Allaah puts in charge of others, and when he dies he is insincere to his subjects, but Allaah will forbid Paradise to him.” According to another report: “… and he is insincere towards them, but he will not smell the fragrance of Paradise.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6731) and Muslim (142).

[@shali3a668]

Exactly

[@A.Servidor]

Thank you, paused the video to check someone had mentioned that. PS. Making up religious rulings/burdens off the top of one's head & using deen for emotional blackmail are 2 more toxic traits we need a podcast on...

[@zulekhapirzada]

This video triggered me to the max. Brown moms will never accept a mistake. I stopped sharing emotions at a very young age. Of course, I have respect and always will for them but they tend to forget we’re human too…we have feelings. They can’t decide how we feel or make decisions for us.

[@alen671]

Not just moms, dads too

[@johnathantran1101]

Not just brown! Yellow as well!!

[@johnathantran1101]

By yellow i mean asian

[@fali6723]

Sis I think this video was really uncomfortable the way he raised his voice against his mum in the last minutes … Wallahi this is wrong….the only thing left here was her crying…. Shocked

[@DrMacca]

Facts. Regrettably.

[@showmethehoneybee]

I’m Ugandan, but I 100% relate to Wajeeh, and the anger when you feel gaslit about your childhood. Our parents were definitely emotionally immature AND that’s okay to acknowledge. It’s honestly just fact. Y’all were in survival mode, scarcity mode, hustle mode. Emotions came last. Especially for boys and men…

[@darkafri5645]

Oh yes.. as a Nigerien i can confirm... beatings even if its not ur fault yea i understand.

[@wtsontvnic]

never stop posting these kinds of conversations. i’m african american and i can relate to all of these conversations. my parents are 80s babies and have a similar mindset (not as extreme as mama jee) . it’s so hard trying to get them to understand cus their only excuse they have is how they’ve been raised, which is odd to me because my parents raised me my whole life but i was still able to realize when something was toxic as i got older. oh and that mom saying sorry thing is so real😭. my mom just start buying or making us our favorite foods instead of just apologizing

[@kadeshabarnard6320]

The “this is how I grew up” excuse absolutely blows me because why did you not think to change it knowing how it negatively affected you.

[@samimua1986]

I was born in 86…. I have worked through my trauma so I can be the best mom for my kids!

[@maheensaad95]

Mama jee, take a moment to truly listen. Set aside the impulse to defend yourself, and recognize that you're both on the same team. Understanding his perspective can truly help the both of you. It's precious how you want to talk about it, but you must listen first.

[@samimua1986]

That’s what I commented. It seems like she’s not actually hearing him. He says something a she interrupts him!

[@layanjaber8326]

Saying “you can tell me everything” is only like 5% of creating a comfortable environment. A comfortable environment needs to be SHOWN and lived, not told

[@janissapn1042]

after having this same conversation multiple times with my parents, I feel your pain Wajeeh. Somethings are hard to process on the parent's end and its almost impossible to get through to them. Both of you can be viewed as right and wrong in your own ways, sometimes agreeing to disagree is the best option.

[@samimua1986]

If ur parents won’t change or work on things for you then I would not have them in ur life anymore. Respect goes both ways. And ALOT of parents don’t want to change and work on themself. I did for my kids. I wanted to be better for them.

[@AsmaNooreen]

For some reason this episode made me feel like I am talking to my parents and thank you, Wajeeh for being so brave talking about all of the stuff for us

[@xManiqueenx1D]

Laughing in brown daughter when Wahjeeh said we have it easier and can talk to our moms about everything 😅 we’re facing the same struggle unfortunately buddy

[@maimounathiam5907]

Rightt

[@khadijahbegum3546]

That pi&&ed me tf off. He must be out of his mind. Mans delusional😂🤦‍♀️

[@HaajiKaHalva]

If ANYTHING, we get it so much worse, larke get away with so much more

[@mariamzara7472]

Our parents reactions and their emotions are the reason we can't share things with them... it's like a constant pressure on us to just keep them happy.. they do say you're aloud to do mistakes and share with us but their reactions will be so loud and fear the shit out of us

[@mariamzara7472]

I agree to every single thing you said wajeeh as a first generation child

[@samimua1986]

I’m so sorry. I have worked through my trauma for my boys. I have told them idc what it is u can come to me and talk to me. If I did something wrong come to me and we will fig it out! My kids come before me idc what it is! And also the respect thing I have taught my boys idc how old someone is if they are toxic they don’t deserve the respect they r not giving to others. Respect goes both ways. U can’t treat ppl like shit and expect time to just give u respect no matter what u do. And as a parent u should say sorry to ur kids when u fk up. Idc what it is. If I have wronged my boys we talk and I say sorry.

[@minimoo2365]

In Islam, both parents and children have the responsibility to fill their duty according to how Allah tala has set to do so. It's not about who is older or who is younger in Islam both sides have equivalent respect. Just remember how our Prophet Muhammad SAW taught us. I am a mother of teenagers and I definitely understand that everyone has to communicate with each other for a long healthy family relationship to last.

[@saliha5638]

Hands up if your a brown girl and don’t talk about your feelings to your mum 🙋🏻‍♀️ its too awkward but i don’t think thats a them problem, i think it is a me problem. Sometimes arguments go circular, also i think mama jee used that quote at the end wrong: you can have different perspectives but people usually see that as yes someone can do a million good things and thats sososososoo appreciated genuinely but humans have a negativity bias, we are very self critical, so if someone like our parents in this situation say something like why didn’t you get a better grade etc that hits very hard (especially coz its your parents who you respect highly and who you believe will always be there for you) and it will not be forgotten, neither will the good things but the bad comment hits much harder in a bad way because its like kicking someone when they’re already down. That does not in any way mean that just because we feel this way we dont care about the good amazing things our parents have done for us at all, uts just those comments aren’t the best and saying something encouraging instead would have a much more positive reaction and even boost the grade etc whatever it is.

[@TeeHussainX]

I respect that he still posted this because it takes a lot to show an emotionally vulnerable side to yourself especially on such a public platform AND with your parent too.. I can completely relate to what Wajeeh is saying and I love the message he put up as a disclaimer.. These are necessary and uncomfortable conversations that are needed because without them both parties aren’t going to grown and learn.. Thanks for this Wajeeh..

[@fali6723]

There are certain limits… privately discuss this with ur parent but his tone and getting soo angry is disgusting….

[@aileencastaneda3724]

Let me tell you this, as a Mexican American with immigrant parents, being a woman they were seen as housewives and mothers nothing more. As a man they are immediately put on a pedestal and they deserve so much. I cooked, cleaned, being used as a free babysitter for my younger siblings (to an extent of another parent). I resented my parents to this day for making me go through this. It seemed that no matter what I did I wasn’t enough. I think there should be a mother and daughter podcast about that and there will be so many women out there telling their own stories. I kept my life private from my mom and my dad (he has passed away 3 years ago). I couldn’t tell them anything without them screaming and telling me what I should do. Wajeeh I understand how you felt throughout the podcast because to me based on my own parents reactions to certain topics. I could not talk to them nor did I trust them because they will tell them to their friends or other family members. I go low contact with my mother because I don’t trust her with my problems and every opinion I have or whatever, I get shut down.

[@Khadijah-k1f]

Ahh hun I feel for you. I was raised in a Hispanic household as well. I am the youngest though but my heart goes out to you, because I see what my sister has and still struggles with till this day for all that she was raised to believe was the right way. And my deepest condolences for your father May Almighty have him in a peaceful and loving place in heaven. 🤍

[@aileencastaneda3724]

@@Khadijah-k1f thank you 💕

[@yukilovato6690]

Me too. I’m half Mexican and half Japanese. I hear it from both ends. And all my male family members are held up by an entire community of women. Me? No one celebrates my accomplishments. No one is proud of the things I do. I get back-handed comments like “you’re always lucky” 😮😮 biiiiiiiiiiiitch. This wasn’t LUCK!!

[@SS-cu8se]

Sorry you went through that. I didn’t go through the same experience with my mom but I was always (and still am) perplexed by parents that share their children’s business with others! The things my mom tells me, I’m like…why would someone’s mom expose their child like this? Where is the desire to protect your child’s privacy? I think that’s so wild, so I don’t blame you for not telling your mom stuff about your life because the way some people share their children’s private business, I can understand your apprehension.

[@samx9139]

How did you stumble upon a Desi podcast? I'm surprised we all went through the same experience and it's comforting in a twisted way how much the cultures clash

[@nimritsingh2320]

“No matter what do as a child it will never been enough” PUT THIS ON A SHIRT IM BUYING IT 😂

[@itsbanana18923]

honestly i‘ve given up parents will never understand that we also go through pain and just spin it back to them… and they never truly listen either, they always interrupt you and get so defensive when you express that their actions have hurt you. they always state their reasons but forget that their reasons and intentions doesn’t change that still hurts obviously i still have a lot more respect for my parents but honestly i‘m just exhausted from this type of emotional immaturity, unwillingness to learn and sincerely apologize while expecting us to do so

[@samimua1986]

See this is how I don’t want my kids to feel about me. We have an open talk about anything relationship. They can talk to me about anything. If they say I have wronged them I say I am sorry and we talk and I work on it…. I also don’t feel elders just bc they r older get respect just bc. Respect goes both ways and I have taught my kids that. My kids will not have ppl use and abuse them and that person still gets respect nope.

[@janelarson1812]

The thing that gets me is that they'll say they love you but they won't listen to you and empathize. Their love is unconditional but it's only "provided through food", their love is not emotionally available. So we end up feeling abandoned and unheard while they think they've done a good job, because they did better than their parents. Of course they're going to be defensive but I wish they weren't

[@sidk3926]

Wajeeh's reaction is 100% warranted!

[@JasmineBallard-k9z]

I will never understand why so much pressure is put on the kid when they didn’t ask to be here. This was very relatable . Thank you for being vulnerable

[@neeeluuu]

Hi Wajeeh, thanks so much for posting this! Coming from Pakistani and Filipino parents/ family, discussions like this are very much needed. I thank you for expressing your feelings since they are very similar to many others whom parents do not have the same mindset as our generation. Hoping all the best for you! ✨

[@Azranm514]

I have never felt so heard. This is crazy how accurate it is.

[@smriticapoor]

I got goosebumps

[@kalkidantesfagiorgis5866]

It’s called “Surviving a Narcissistic Mother” coming from another survivor

[@Khadijah-k1f]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@naddee19]

I think she's just overprotective though.

[@youraveragepasser-by7367]

​@@naddee19 no, she's narcissistic. Many people with narcissistic parents echo the behaviour she shows in the video.

[@nikki4617]

Yeah she is and the fact that she started to compare him with ahmed (which I think is the brother). Unfortunately he became a pleaser just like me; a big people pleaser, unregulated nervous system… etc 🥲

[@alen671]

I don’t think it’s she’s narcissistic, it’s cuz that’s how they’ve been brought up and they’re doing the same to her kids. We know that type of parenting is bad cuz we live in the west but if we still lived back in our country we probably would do the same to our kids

[@sanaafzaal9347]

I feel for you Wajeeh! Even in some of the previous chaitalk episodes I have noticed that u smile or laugh away when u don't agree with some of the things that mama jee says. In the end you are also a human so ur reaction was valid. You cant always hide ur emotions.

[@ishikasingh1231]

The way i was screaminggg in the car responding to her. Its just crazy like i understand their pov but then like why dont they understand ours? Theres just sm things to say but the unfortunate thing is that the parents will not understand, the only hope is that we treat our kids better and we can already see it in the generation raising kids rn tht theyre doing sm better

[@kadeshabarnard6320]

Pleeeeeease keep posting these conversations. I am black and am currently dealing with this with my parents. Sending this to my mom in hopes to help our relationship.

[@janelarson1812]

I hope she can hear you without going on the defensive 😢 that's the hardest part, you can't come to common ground if she's on the defense

[@bowz_of_oshu]

As a black man, we have the same experience over here. My mom was born in 69 and genuinely doesn't understand how her actions hurt my older brother and I. The constant snide comments, the abuse, the lack of support, the lack of emotional intelligence, and the perpetual neglect all took a toll on how we interact with her. Not to say she never did anything right, but the refusal to accept that there was any wrongdoing is painful and stops us from wanting to be around her.

[@Matei_18]

Facts

[@idalia4451]

Hispanic here. I relate to this so much!! It’s just so stressful.

[@Мэри-т8ж]

I wish our parents were a little bit open-minded. See, they not only don't want to accept , they don't want to listen to us in the first place. They say" i created a comfortable place to speak up, to share your feeling " but when you do they will shut your mouth like this. The truth is that if they did , they would have listened us at least until we finish our thoughts. And that is the thing that lefts me frustrated.

[@fariskasim]

Get a ‘Timed Timer’ so that you can take turns talking without interruption. It’ll prevent the environment from getting as inflammatory.

[@alejandro8837]

As a first generation child I can relate with all of this. I’m pretty much my parents retirement plan. But I will say I feel like I owe that to them since they lived paycheck to paycheck making sure me and my brothers went to the best schools in a safe neighborhood and had the best childhood / upbringing they could possibly provide for us.

[@Lifeisbrutal.]

If they demand that you take care of them because they took care of you it's not worth it because you're not living to pay back you didn't ask them to be born

[@CRonaldo162]

This was the most relatable chai talk ever. Exact same scenario also happened to me couple days ago and its insane to think desi parents just never hold themselves accountable. It is always the child, it is so toxic. I really felt this whole episode to my core. Thank you so much for being so relateable to first gen immigrant kids!

[@sinkydikgale6003]

Is funny how they expect respect but they forget respect is earned

[@samimua1986]

This is one thing I have taught my kids. Elders don’t get respect just bc. They have to give it also. U can’t treat ppl any which way u want and ppl respect u. I don’t put up with toxic ppl. Idc!

[@janelarson1812]

There are two definitions of respect. The respect of a position of power (old school) and the respect that is earned (new school). Millennial and gen z operate in new school respect while our parents are still demanding old school, so it's a mismatch that we're trying to reconcile.

[@Skekvar]

Bro "you love me then I'll love you" is absolutely insane... It's a mutal love between child and parents.

[@shantiii]

As a mother and a also a daughter of immigrant parents, I can relate to both of you🥺 Wajee bro…just wait until you become a parent its really though man.

[@evilangels61]

Wajeeh is 100% right and he has told her over and over how he feels and she still doesn't get it...The parents can think what they want if the child tells you how they feel you should listen but Mama Gee doesn't listen at all..

[@Barbaramian93]

I can feel your frustration and pain while I watch this Wajeeh. Thank you for sharing these conversations. I dont think our parents will ever understand the pressures they have placed on us. It is heavy and it is a lot.

[@ridakhalid1932]

im gonna be a 100% honest wajeeh. i have tried multiple times trying to find some sort of middle ground with them. i have changed the way i handle my confrontations with them. i have spoken to them with love and anger and i had made it a task of mine that this a goal i need to complete and that is finding a proper middle ground with them. all my hard work just lead to empty promises and false hope and now honestly at this point i have given up. whatever i was trying to look for in my parents, that extra amount of understanding and that small hope that they could just read my mind and reassure me the way i want them to just will never happen no matter how hard you try. they dont need to know but you need to mentally set your own boundaries. that feeling of loneliness that youre gonna feel with them is always gonna be there no matter how hard you try. yes there will be good times with them that will give you small hope but that hope will die down immediately once an argument happens. at the end of the day you need to just come to terms with the fact that you only have yourself and you cant depend on anyone else. not even family

[@hellokittygurl3400]

word for word.

[@fazgal07]

💯

[@jazmineokoro001]

👏🏽facts 💯

[@samirsharma001]

These conversations are deep and touch on so much of what first generation desi kids go through. Props for doing this and showcasing….it helps so much to know that you are not alone in what you went through. I’ve tried to have these same conversations with my parents and it leads the same. They are emotionally reactive and defensive. We aren’t negating that they are amazing parents who gave the world to us, but they aren’t receptive to any criticism. For anyone feeling this way as well, I highly recommend reading a book by Lindsay Gibson called “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” it’s tremendously helpful in how to deal with desi parents as most fall in this category, and how not to get reactive with them while also maintaining a good relationship. Props again Wajeeh for this kind of content, love to see it and feel apart of a community.

[@SaharAtif-e2t]

So far I’ve always thought wajeeh was right, I understand what he’s going through or has been through and i support his side of the argument even in this but i have to give to to mama jee for keeping her calm and ending it with a smile. Even if she doesn’t show it I’m sure she was upset but the way she managed her cool hats off to her. Lots of love to both of you guys. Please give each other a tight hug now

[@Arwa-Fatima]

Mama jee knew where she went wrong and what triggered him….so thats why she stayed calm.

[@VirtualTekkerZz]

She’s stuck in a loop of her saying she’s open and can’t acc look past how Asian society has morphed her into the way she is. It’s craaaazy how similar the older generation all think

[@sairahkhan4127]

That calm is what you call manipulative. To not react to or be fazed by the emotions her son, who is on the verge of tears, is experiencing is quite scary.

[@uroosashah9976]

I came to Canada when I was 19, now I am 56. I have 5 children. I think I do understand both sides. I agree with your mother 100%. You will too when you reach that stage. This is the first time I watched your podcast. I have so much respect for your mother. She is a great lady and an incredible mother. She has raised a good son like you. Excellent series.

[@ramilamukhi5594]

WAJEEH SPOKE FACTS ON BEHALF OF ALL BROWN KIDS!!

[@Userh211]

Wajeeh reached “ Man-Bun Prank” levels of anger here.

[@westcoastinspirationa1080]

For her to get on and call swag out in that aggressive manner 👎🏻 Lady is a basket case of control. So many sons are challenging and their mothers put up so much patiently. Wajeeh, your mom is ungrateful, controlling and no matter what you do won’t ever be enough for her. She’s entitled.

[@creativegems_09]

​@@westcoastinspirationa1080Just by watching a 44 minute video how can you judge his mother? 🗿 You don't know their life... Those reactions and arguments are a part of hurtful feelings... It can be a misunderstanding... But that strongly doesn't allow us to judge someone as controlling or ungrateful...

[@arslankiani100]

What u say at the end there Wajeeh is 100% true, our parents do this all the time. Our parents dont admit that they make us uncomfortable sharing things with them, and if you have a rebellious kind of personality these things will make you do all the wrong things that you're parents dont want u to do but they are the ones who made us indirectly go that way

[@Waqthecar]

This chaitalk brought up a lot of anxiety and trauma as a first generation. Super tough conversation

[@moonstonescarlet5576]

good on you for standing up for yourself wajeeh! doing the same in my household too! stand on business and stand in your truth! you're making the younger people proud!

[@shwetajiandani]

Honestly I’m glad you posted this everyone that’s going through similar issues knows the pressure of being in a brown family! The older generation will never understand or change so we just have to learn to coexist with them.

[@bunnysingh1994]

I love this!!! My younger brother and I had the same conversation with my mom last year, and I can't stress this enough, all brown moms have the same opinion and in a healthy discussion (like this one - not being sarcastic) its always going to end in emotions running high. This is just like my younger brother and mom having a conversation and I respect both their opinions, but the maturity here is that you have to realize that the moms generation is set in their ways and won't change and the younger generation is evolving too fast for the mom to accept his opinions. So the best course of action is to know and recognize and then try to carry on the healthy relationship that you have eventually developed! I do think that Wajeeh is wanting to and is moving towards this goal, because I did the same and I wish the best of luck to all the brown boys out there in similar situations!

[@videocollector22]

I think both are sort of in the wrong. Our generation prioritized privacy and independence while Mama G’s generation is the opposite and wants families to remain together and that’s how they grew up. Glad y’all can have these convos with parents as many of us can’t.

[@ajithissac]

Apart from what Wajeeh mentioned is that there is indeed cultural shock. You can visibly see and hear it when his mom speaks.

[@zainabmahmood1310]

Bravo Wajeeh! For speaking on behalf of us. Absolutely loved your guts!!! 🙏🙌

[@kins6809]

Agree with Wajeeh here! I can relate to everything he said and how he feels

[@CokiColours]

I’m black and I think this is true for all of us people of color. Glad that we are now the adults and want to change this for our kids and finally speaking up to your parents

[@gleimidejesus6565]

She really said you’re free to say what you want to say but you’re not free from consequences and reactions.

[@mastaSkitz]

i fight with my mom like this all the time....she just gives me a devilish smile..they know exactly what they are doing...you need to keep contact at a minimum

[@AvrilHelloKitty]

How can you say you created a completely comfortable environment for your kids to share everything when all 3 of your kids say the opposite 😭 that makes no sense

[@hafsamacdi1474]

Sometimes brown parents reflect their own insecurities onto their child. 41:02, I shared my personal stuff my mama and later in that year her reaction was to rub my mistakes for which I was guilty within, on my face. It took me a while to process and now I don't tell them anything. So I think brown parents must take therapy to understand natural human reactions, because in our culture we are not taught to rise a child according to his personality. In brown households everything comes to the Islamic stories and ends on the fact that we are to follow the guidelines. Whereas we must learn to survive with own societal, work, social and study pressure on our own. I also think that we should learn to forgive them for their thought process because it is a generational shift. Well your family is awesome and May Allah give us all strength and power to uplift our parents burden along with our own.

[@sylvias190]

"Nothing will ever be enough." That statement broke my heart, i am sorry you had to deal with all of this mental and emtional turmoil

[@maheensaad95]

I am sorry, but our religion has mentioned the rights of children too. Of course parents have a role to fulfill according to Islam. Children need to be dealt with respect and maturity, amongst other things, by their parents. Just respect and love each other. It's okay to apologize to your child if you are in the wrong. Apology isn't supposed to make anyone feel small. It doesn't mean your child would respect you less. A parent's rank remains high up irrespective.

[@badrunnisakhan3355]

Child has every right to expect sorry from their parents... it's time parents in desi culture put themselves down from their proclaimed pedestals and starts seeing raising children as a responsiblity they have for children not the ahsan they are doing on them...

[@tootrue9441]

Mama hear your son ! Hes right hes screaming out no ones gna hate u wajeeh and mama cant take the truth Weldone wajeeh im a mum and i get you too

[@farheenkhan-o3x]

I am a first generation eldest child who dealt with a LOT of toxicity. But I never had an expectation that my parents are going to meet MY expectations. That is a very subjective bar to hold for a parent or anyone for that matter. We all need to be focused on our own growth, not passing around blame for what we have become. The past happened - it's over. Own the decisions you are now making. And just like you would accept your friend and who they are, the way they are, without expecting to change them - do the same for your parents.

[@rubinaahsan8841]

Waji I appreciate u bring these topics ur talks help me improve as a brown parent , but trust me it's not easy for us Brown parent to raise children in a different environment then v r raised in and the generation gap that v have because of all this technology n social media created between us . Thank again to educate us through ur podcast. Much love

[@Booklover50001]

I didn't think this video would get to me so much. Even though I agreed with a lot of the things Wajeeh said throughout. We all probably knew how his mom was going to respond to some of this (Love her by the way she is one cool aunty) Wajeeh's last few sentences hit hard in this video, made me cry unexpectedly. Feeling like you will never be enough for your parents is such a wound that will never heal for South Asian 1st generation kid. I hope this will change with how we raise our kids and they can avoid this pain.

[@SummerSetsAlways]

To add. Wajeeh please read this… I heard Mufi Menk say, you parents did the best they could do you at that current time. (Something like that) this really helped me understand my parents

[@bluegrl96]

As a daughter of polish parents oh jeez this hits hard our parents came to America to “provide their family with a better life” then resent us for being shaped by a different culture then theirs. I mean no hate and this was so insightful to watch because I’ve been you so many times placating and trying to explain to just be shut down

[@Khadijah-k1f]

I agree with you as well. But, I do have friends that still live in their countries and they feel the same way. Times have changed, and it’s not about being disrespectful at all, it’s about acknowledging the differences of opinions with respect. It’s sad when I hear my friends tell me about things like this same topic and the parents will never want to talk about it. Because they feel they are above all which is wrong. 😢

[@haseebhashmi4590]

I'm not invalidating Wajeehs feelings, nor am I implying wajeehs friend (swagasomething) had the intention to disrespect mamajee, but from my memory of that episode, I think Swag was a little harsh on mama jee without realising. Mama jee probably feels that Wajeeh should have respectfully defended her honour in that moment. I know he always expresses his gratitude for mama jee, but it was very important for him to do so in that episode. I also feel that although mama jee allows wajeeh to constructively criticise her infront of the world, she did not want that to come from anyone else but her child. I think Wajeeh should rewatch that episode with Mamajee to address her concerns/feelings. Keep up the good work Wajeeh and Mama jee. God bless you. What you're doing is super important. As pioneers of such a discussion/format, you'll make plenty of mistakes, but as long as you realise where you can make improvements, you'll pave a great path for many to follow and benefit from.

[@iamtehminanasir]

Wow this got emotinal. I am 1st generation as well and can relate to this. However the most important thing is to talk about it like you guys did now. After I realized the communication gap with my parents I started saying directly that this and this was hurtful ect. That way they become aware of it. And now our communication is so good alhamdulillah. My parents are my best friends and both of them are equally close to me. I see them as 1 and share about guys, gossip etc lol. May Allah give our parents long, healthy and joyful life- amen🥰

[@nailasaleh3701]

The parent-child dynamic often stems from the reality that parents, like all humans, carry their own childhood traumas. These experiences create personality gaps that may inadvertently affect how they raise their children. While their intentions are usually pure, these gaps can lead them to repeat mistakes and perpetuate cycles of abusive behavior within relationships with their children.

[@kellymaps8128]

It’s like talking to a wall… the issue of many immigrant parents is that they believe that them being their parents allows them to walk over their children’s feelings and opinions. That it gives them the right to minimize, gaslight and rewrite events in a manner that suits them.. And then they say “but I listen to you and your feelings” Do you really, when you get mad whenever one tries to have honest candid constructive conversations.. ? I understand that there’s a cultural and generational gap, nonetheless to think you’re constantly right is just narcissism on steroids

[@ridasalim7066]

The fact that the ending is something my mom has said to me is crazy. Hands off to you for actually discussing this with your my mom. I’ve tried discussing things like this with my mom, but it has always ended either with my mom getting angry with me and being called a “spoiled” child.

[@sakshammishra2895]

37:07 wajeeh was ao real for this "why am i gonna come to you if its gonna give me more stress and anxiety"

[@farzanashabbir5392]

Well done wajeeh for this video and this chat I am a mother of 4 girls and I thought like ammi jee that my house is open to talk about anything but listening to you has made me realise the comments that I make some times may hurt my girls.. I will defo try and watch what I say next time. Well done 👍🏼 you have just opened my eyes…

[@Mahnoor-nd2qb]

So brave of you Wajeeh bhai! Totally agree with you, everything that youve said each and every person of this generation can realate to you. I get what mamma jee's saying, but thats the issue that they dont understand how we feel and why are we feeling in a certain way.

[@YaseenMayet-k3t]

I AGREE WITH WAJEEH PERIOD !!!!!!!

[@dunphy1238]

My perception changed when I learnt that my parents are doing is the best they can with what they have. Emotionally or physically, from what they have gathered through their time here on Earth. In their minds they are doing the absolute best, thus they feel immense confusion, distress and sadness when their children aren’t satisfied with them or are in pain because of them. At the end of the day we are all human beings, shaped by the land, the people and the time period that surrounds us; life moulds us into what we are and what we are to become. Thus, why the only real solution is Sabr. It is used so often people forget the weight of the word. But truly it is Sabr which will carry us through all trials and tribulations. Big or small. Material or Spiritual. So even if life has led your parents to have shaken their hands with devil, practice patience.

[@Ninja-ix6lr]

Kudos to Wajeeh for bringing sensitive issues to the table that most Desi children face and are never addressed. He is doing an awesome job. MaMaji is a great mom but needs to be more open and understanding to what Wajeeh is trying to say. She is just stuck and conditioned in her generation ways which is not her fault either. She’s just trying to do the best for her children and is still very protective. This podcast was very insightful. Keep it up Wajeeh!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@samreenf5471]

As a daughter who grew up having a turbulent relationship with her mother, I can tell you that it's not easier for daughters either. But, once we become mothers ourselves, we get it (well, at least a lot of it). Unfortunately, I didn't get the opportunity to fix my relationship with my mom, as she passed away before I got married. But, I can tell you this. I have two boys and I know they will never understand how I feel, because they will never be mothers. And that's okay. I can completely relate to your mom being anxious and wanting to keep checking in with you. She can't help, but worry about you. As desi moms, we're just wired differently 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@Seyeraaa]

I am a regular watcher. When I grew up I had these conversations all the time with my parents. I felt like they don’t understand me. I too misbehaved with them and raised my voice just like you did Wajeeh. Growing up in the west with desi parents was hard. But now that I have my own children raising them by myself I feel so ashamed of how I talked to my parents. I understand both sides but more so I feel ashamed that I misbehaved with my parents. At the end of the day now I know that their love and affection is the only one which is true. I 100% agree with mama jee and I feel bad of how you talked to her. There is a way to make your point. Please dear brother keep that in mind and I mean this in a very kind way as your sister in Islam.

[@nasirhussain4133]

Wajeeh! Well done bro! We need more discussions like this to help the future generations x

[@girlvoice1240]

You can never change anyone... not mom, not son.. just accept each other for the way they are... and love each other.. its gonna be more peaceful 😅❤ All the best hope good for your family ❤

[@joanitamendonca5577]

I can relate so much to this. I am going through this situation. Parents always have huge expectations from us. The pressure is real! Trying to keep them happy irrespective of our happiness. If something doesn't go their way, we do not know how to behave or we are referred to as being childish.

[@sanaahmady7739]

Agree with Wajeeh he literally speaking facts !!! I am sorry mama jee respect too you but wajeeh respect too you for speaking facts ! ❤

[@tiagill-zo5qx]

as a brown girl me and my mum don't get on at all they don't understand us its not comfortable.

[@NDawood-c7r]

Wajeeh, you have nothing to apologise for. Please don't say sorry for voicing how you feel. We're made to feel guilty for saying how we feel in every situation just because it doesn't fit the narrative. But today's generation need to break the cycle!

[@Sana-qj4jl]

Desi parents don’t apologize, however, how do you expect a child to LEARN how to apologize if you don’t teach them? Everything a parent does is teaching that child something, positive or negative. It is also toxic and a form of abuse if you both ignore each other after an argument, wajeeh learned this behavior from his mother. The health way is to say “I’m upset, I need space, and I will speak with you in 30 mins after I have calmed down” and then actually resolve the situation. Just ignoring the argument, feeding the person, and never speaking about what happened fosters resentments. It isn’t “cute” to just come with food and not talk about it.

[@NB-dq2zk]

I sympathise with Wajeeh and agree with him on points, however I feel like some of it is overreaction. His situation is so much healthier than a lot of other brown families. Like his mum was saying the fact that he can even feel free enough to have this convo and then broadcast it to the world is proof of that.

[@maryamkidwai2543]

Hes talking more from his childhood perspective than the exact situation now.

[@chappieq5805]

He barely able to have this conversation as a grown man he keeps getting interrupted over and over

[@SummerSetsAlways]

I feel like your mother tried her best to create the perfect environment that she could. So when she says I created a comfortable environment she actually meant it and tried her utmost best . Wajeeh brother I get what you saying 100% I have been there. I am 29 and I have three children now. So I do get what your mum saying. I’m also first generation. Please look back at this podcast and give your mum a hug. The ended was heartbreaking. Your mum really felt it and she really hid those tears and heartache. Your mother means well. She’s very cool and yes a lot of the stuff I agree with u wajeeh normally but u feel like this time u was really upset and you tried to explain your self but you let emotions get the better of you. I hope u both well and lots of love x. Love you aunty and hats of to you!

[@lujainahsubhi9733]

I had this type of conversation with my mom a million times and I’ve felt as frustrated as Wajeeh has felt too. It’s frustrating and it’s hard to communicate anything when I’m in a state of being extremely triggered. But I did note that his mom genuinely seemed to be trying her absolute best to convey that she cares for him. It’s helped me see my parents as well. They’re not perfect, and when we’re in the middle of trying to be heard, validated and comforted by them it’s very hard to see that they actually care. But seeing it as an outsider, it made it so much clearer to me. I hope all parents and kids reach a level of understanding and safety where we can talk without being triggered, without feeling rejected, unheard, unseen, frustrated or hopeless. I genuinely believe that our parents love us in a way that we don’t understand and they are HORRIBLE at communicating it, however it doesn’t negate the love’s existence. Peace to everyone 🙏🏼 and thank you for posting this episode, it’s nice to know I’m not alone.

[@essem123]

means love is futile

[@hafsahjilani5202]

I stress ate my feelings throughout this podcast. I’m pretty sure I’ll have to double my Prozac from tomorrow.

[@Ladii5150]

So, she apologizes because it makes him or her kids happy? But does she even mean it or understand why an apology may be needed? As a Mexican woman, I relate to him 100%

[@alygon]

I’m sure they still love each other immensely even after difficult conversations. Misunderstandings does get created in every relationship but end of the day love conquers everything.

[@saaqibs]

The only thing that blocks her and the likes of her from understanding todays generation is the ego. No cap

[@carly002]

The worst part is that they listen but they don’t hear you…nobody’s coming for you WE ACTUALLY RELATE TO YOU 😮‍💨😮‍💨

[@sir_will_iam]

"God didnt say you must fulfill your role" You wanna know what He did say? "Parents do not provoke your children to anger." Ephesians 6:4 He also said "Do unto others what you would have them do unto you". Luke 6:31. Parents gotta stop with this nonsense of thinking the rules dont apply to them because of their "rAnK"

[@A3000E]

This made me tear up, it’s the conversation I wish I had the guts to have with my mom but I fear she’ll react like your mom did and it won’t get through to her… just because they did what they thought was the best doesn’t mean it was.

[@shabnamsengupta1602]

Landed on this video randomly late night trying to search for something to listen to while going to sleep. Now I am so angry that I can't sleep. You may love your parents with everything you have but at the same time they can trigger you in so many ways you didn't know was possible!

[@o_Kyuubi_x]

Man .... the fact that she thinks she made a the perfect envorionment for you to be open is crazy .... Bro I hear your frustrations and im with you on that ... parents will never understand our side of the story and how scary and judgemental they're when trying to bring something up to them. she created that perfection scenario of the perfect parent that is open minded and in the end did a half ass job on that. smh